Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Gone Full Circle ❯ You Could Use a Drink ( Chapter 14 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Gone Full Circle

Ali the Co-Authoress Note: Rin is OOC. Since we don't ACTUALLY know anything about her character. So if it's wrong? Boo fucking hoo. Aaah, So sweet…

P.S. There are 20 chapters and an Epilogue! We're getting close to the end, hope everyone has been enjoying!

Chapter 14: You Could Use A Drink

Time slowed down, just to spite Haru and Kazuma. Or at least, that's how they felt about it. Kazuma at least had his dojo to distract him most of the time. But Hatsuharu was not so lucky. Most of the family thought he would get better. Only Hatori really seemed to know it would take longer. That didn't stop him from paying concerned visits to the ox every now and then though. It was at least a relief when Haru didn't fly into rages quite so often. Although, January was a nasty, nasty month to be around him. The last half of that month Haru was almost constantly black and only Kazuma and Hatori ever got up enough nerve to go see him then. That's kinda where we are now. The third birthday since Kyo's left.

The year before hadn't been so bad. Only a few dishes had been broken then. This year however, was not such a lucky time. His window was already a mess, it had so many spider-web cracks in it that it looked like the `Snow Flakes From Hell' had decided to descend and leech off the glass. The floor was already littered with glass shards, and Hatsuharu was still tugging more out of place, inside. He wanted to hurt, he wanted to bleed, anything, ANYTHING to distract himself in some way. Finally, around five in the afternoon or so, his emotional breakdown left him exhausted, and his legs simply gave way beneath him, and he fell down into the small pond of glass around his windowsill. A small amount of dark snickering could be heard, but no one who still bothered to wait outside his door knew what he was doing inside. Just that the shattering had finally stopped. Haru grabbed a particularly large shard and squeezed it as hard as he could, so that he could actually feel the edge biting into his muscles and bone, and palm. When he finally let go, he only looked at the two bloody lines for a few seconds, before pain and exhaustion got the better of him, and he simply passed out right there. Of course, that really didn't help the injury factor any, as his weight itself was embedding glass into his face, arm, and foot. Momiji and Kisa had actually waited this long, and the sudden silence had unnerved them. So, naturally, they'd run off to go get Hatori. They wouldn't put anything past Haru at this point.

Hatori was actually getting his things together to go check on the ox when the two younger children knocked on his door. Just like in the previous years Kisa was near tears and worried and Momiji was babbling about the smashing and crashing. Sighing, the doctor told them not to worry and went to find a maid to clean Haru's room and then headed off to get the ox himself. He was more displeased than usual when he got there too. They should just stop putting glass in his windows. That would solve the problem. The boy's paleness worried him, so he hurried back to the house so he could fix Haru up. He'd probably have to get him some blood too..

Waking Haru up was easier said than done. See, he didn't particularly WANT to wake up, and so he didn't. For a while. Almost four days. He probably would have slept longer, if those stupid relatives of his hadn't been putting out a distinct effort to wake him up. Ha'ri didn't mind if he wanted to sleep. It actually made his job easier since he didn't have to worry about the ox hitting him while he gave him the blood and took care of the numerous cuts. But four days was too long, and he really didn't want to hook Haru up to an I.V. for food. That seemed excessive, but if the kid didn't wake up that's how it would have to be.

"Hatsuharu, this really needs to stop." He repeated carefully when the other was awake.

"It was supposed to." Haru frowned a little, glaring at the various bandages. "You ruined my dramatic exit, though."

"There will be no dramatic exiting." The dragon sighed. "If I wasn't allowed, you aren't either." He gave his cousin a dry look. "So take it up with Shigure and Ayame."

"They're the ones who got you?" The teen raised an eyebrow at him.

"Several times." Hatori stated dryly. "I know it's irritating. But it really does go against my doctor's code to let you die."

"You have to admit, though," He smirked, a little proud with his latest attempt. "It would have been a cool way to go."

"I don't have to admit anything." Tori replied tartly. "Anyways, I woke you up to force you to eat. Since I'm fairly certain you haven't for a while." This also earned Haru an admonishing glare.

"Couple days." He shrugged, sitting up. "Four tops."

"Plus the four you've been asleep." The doctor corrected. "Over a week."

"Meh." He scowled a little. "Just don't use feeding tubes."

"Eat on your own free will and I won't have to." Hatori told him, feeling rather exasperated as he went to get that food.

"Hatori, I don't want to use some cliché method like starvation." Haru assured him, taking the plate when the dragon returned with it and taking a big bite to prove himself.

"Good. Starvation really is an unpleasant way to go anyways. It takes forever and is very painful." The dragon murmured. At least Haru was eating and not dead? That really was all Hatori could ask of him right now.

"Nah, I want someone to remember it when I'm gone." He shook his head a little. "Maybe I should do it next month," He mused to himself. "Be one hell of a Valentine, if he ever found out."

"Now, if you hadn't told me that you might have had a chance at succeeding." The doctor told him, shaking his head a little.

"Ignore it, I wasn't talking to you anyway."

"Ah, so you're talking to yourself now too."

"Is that bad?" He blinked, raising his eyebrows at the dragon.

“No, Not at all." Tori ran a hand through his hair. "Try not to make it a habit though. Someone will think you're more insane than you probably are."

"You think I'm crazy too, now?" He looked away again, putting the plate down and ignoring it.

"You were already schizophrenic, Hatsuharu." Hatori told him flatly.

"Pfft." He snorted, standing up without a word and starting for the door, pausing only long enough to tell Hatori, "Oh, and, Tori-nii, if talking to myself means I'm crazy, I've been crazy for about a year and a half."

Groaning poor Hatori rubbed his temples. That kid! They really should just lock him up in a padded room and be done with it,

***

Haru decided he didn't want to go back to his room, just yet. And, he didn't want to go to Shigure's and have Tohru worry about him. He'd just left Hatori's, so, he went to the only other place he could think of. He went to Kazuma's dojo. If Hatori wouldn't let him hit windows, maybe a punching bag would work. Kazuma thought that idea was just fine. He only warned Haru against injuring himself further. He'd already finished his classes and was in the process of drinking tea, and sulking a little bit. But now that Haru was there he took the opportunity to distract himself and try to figure out how long it had been since the ox had last come to visit. A long time. True enough to his word, Haru used karate tape on his knuckles to prevent any further bleeding, and proceeded to try and take all his current frustration out on that bag. The Shishou sitting off to one side really had to fear for his bag. But it was better than punching windows. So he let the ox have at it. Haru had barely been there a handful of times over the three years since Kyo had left. Maybe, once a year? Even less maybe?

"Goddam it!" The ox cursed finally, missing the bag all together, and just collapsing into frustrated tears. He really had been crying too much lately, he noted absently. He should really think about stopping soon. "Why?" He sobbed out, hands fisting on the floor. "Why won't you people just let me end it?"

`That really was a good question.' Kazuma noted. "It does rather go against our morals." He offered softly from his side of the room. He didn't think Hatsuharu would appreciate any kind of comfort he might offer.

"Fuck it." Came the grumbled reply, he was still trying to stop his tears, and failing. "Shihan, it's been three years. He's not coming back. What do I have to wait for?"

"You're still young, Hatsuharu." The man tried to explain. "You're selling yourself short by staying tethered to Kyo." What a hypocrite.

"Why shouldn't I?" He asked, glancing up at him with wide, tear-filled eyes. "Even if I try with someone else, I'll just fuck up with them too."

"Perhaps not." Kazuma shrugged.

"This isn't the first time." He reminded him. "Remember Yuki and Rin? Yeah, I fucked up with them too."

"Maybe not going after your cousins would be advisable." Well, what else is he supposed to say?!

"Who else is going to touch me?"

"There are accepting people out there, Hatsuharu." Kana and Tohru are a good example.

"Yeah, and then Akito will find out, and they'll be hurt too." He snorted darkly, forcing himself to his feet and walking unsteadily for the door. "But, you know what? Forget it! I'll find a way to handle it on my own!"

Kazuma sighed. There really wasn't much else he could do. Haru had to get over it on his own, and no amount of advice from them would really help.

***

No matter how much patients he'd lost with him, no matter how much he just didn't want to care, Yuki was worried about Haru. His younger cousin's behavior was scaring him, but he didn't know how to help. Unlike most of the other people who'd tried to help the ox, Yuki honestly had no idea what he was going through. The only person the rat had ever remotely cared about was still there. In fact, he was talking to her right then.

"Honda-san, have you seen Haru lately?" He asked over dinner one night. Momiji had called him the other day, to tell him to watch out from the ox, after he'd punched out his window. Again. And he'd thought Tohru might have run into him in town or something.

"No?" The onigiri blinked cluelessly. "I'd planned to go see him tomorrow. Oh dear, has something else happened to him?" She asked worriedly.

"Ah, sort of." He frowned a little and tried to explain. "Momiji called the other day, and apparently he handled Kyo's birthday badly."

"Oh," Her eyes widened. "Does someone know where he is?"

"Tohru-kun, I would suggest not worrying about Haa-kun too much." Shigure supplied. "Haa-san said he took care of his injuries and that's really all we can do for him now."

"No." Yuki answered her question. "That's why I was asking."

"Oh," Tohru looked down at her hands, she was worried now.

***

But she didn't need to be. Haru was just downtown with Rin. She'd made them a couple of fake IDs and they were currently enjoying some alcohol. She watched her ex-boyfriend in mild amusement.

"Keep up like that and you'll have one hell of a headache tomorrow."

"Who gives a fuck?" He offered her an odd look, and just ordered another glass.

The horse sipped more casually at her drink. "You're already a jerk most of the time. I wouldn't want to be around you with a hangover." She teased a little.

"Rin," Haru addressed her, downing his glass and ordering yet another. "This is the best I've felt in three years." He paused and thought about that, while the bartender refilled his glass. "More than that, even. There was all that shit with Akito before then." He mused, with a frown. "Three and a half years." He corrected himself, nodding gratefully to the bartender, and taking the glass from him.

"I know, Haru." She murmured. "And you'll note I'm not stopping you." Isuzu looked at him and smiled a little. "Just warning."

"How could I have fucked up so much?" He asked her softly, taking another long drink. "SIX months in the same room, and I was so stupid! I should have told him!" He'd explained everything during the first three glasses.

"The cat's an idiot, Haru." The horse shrugged. Her medical history didn't allow her the freedom of throwing back drinks like her companion. "He wouldn't have responded how you wanted."

"He might have told me he was going, though." He reminded her. Yeah, he was still a little bitter over that while not being able to say good-bye thing. Well, maybe more than a little.

"Saying good-bye wouldn't help you any." She hated to be harsh with him, but he was being an ass. "You'd still be sulking that he's gone."

"Maybe," He agreed, with a small, sad smile.

"You two, really, weren't all that close." Rin went on. "But I don't think he'd be impressed to see you like this either way. Y'know?"

"You sound like Yuki." He snorted. "And Shihan, and Tori-nii." He sighed, and looked over at her, confessing something that he hadn't mentioned in years. "Rin, I feel empty." He scowled to that. "And, I admit, I'm no expert on psychology, but isn't that bad?"

"Tends to be." She laughed lightly. "But that might be because you don't do anything and lock yourself in your room, not eating for days."

"I didn't mean it physically." He stated dryly.

"I know, I know." The horse waved it off. "I was kidding, Haru." She got a little more serious as she spoke next. "But, really. It might help you to be distracted, or something, if you went and did things. A job might be good, you know."

"I don't want to get over him, though." Haru tried to explain himself. No one else had grasped the concept yet. "All I want is to die and wait to see him again."

"Being dead is not going to help that." Rin mumbled. "There's no guarantee of after life. And even if there is, you'll have to wait the good 80 years before Kyo will most likely die. Then there's always finding him amongst the other millions upon millions of dead people." She grinned wryly at him. "You've a better chance waiting for him alive if you think about it."

Haru just stared at her for a minute. "Two years." He agreed, holding up his index and middle fingers. "If he hasn't come back in two years, then," He matched her grin, though his was a BIT more crazed than her own. "Then I'll jump out a window, instead of just punching a hole in one."

"Well, all right then." Isuzu agreed. "Maybe, if he comes back. He can be the only person to be impressed with those scars of yours." She taunted.

"Oh, c'mon," He snorted. "Like you've never done it before." Though, he was willing to admit. Falling asleep in the glass afterward hadn't been the smartest thing to do. But, honestly? He hadn't been planning on it to begin with.

"I was more careful." The dark haired girl stuck out her tongue. "You'll really hurt your pretty face like that."

"Well, falling asleep in it wasn't in the original plan." He shrugged, scratching absently at one of the un-bandaged cuts near his temple.

Rin chuckled at him. "You must be costing Akito a fortune in windows."

"Good." He commented, sounding slightly triumphant. Every bad thing that had happened to everyone he cared about thus far was (mostly, anyway) Akito's fault. The guy deserved to loose a few windows. "And, it was only two." He sniffed. "Last year it was dishes."

Isuzu snickered helplessly. "Yes! Excuse me! But perhaps, we should make plans to skip breaking anything on his birthday, next year? Maybe you could be like a normal person and go out drinking on your lost loves birthday?" She suggested, raising an eyebrow.

"Rin, you ruin all my fun." He teased her, letting his head fall onto her shoulder.

"Aww, yeah. I'm sorry baby." She crooned as she pet his hair comfortingly. "But I think Ha'ri's on his wits end after patching you up so many times."

"In my own defense, I never asked him to."

"But you KNOW he's going to." Rin pointed out. "It's his job."

"The door was locked." He pointed out. "They weren't supposed to be able to get in."

"Don't take away poor Hatori's joy, Haru." His ex-girlfriend murmured. "See, he deals with losing Kana like a normal person. He distracts himself with his job." She prodded him gently with one finger. "You could do that too you know."

"Yeah, well, who'd hire a nut job like me?"

"Hey," Isuzu laughed. "You're pretty, I'm sure there's some sleazy joint downtown that could use another stripper."

"Gee, thanks." He snickered lightly. "They really do think I'm crazy, though." He murmured softly. "All of them. Do you?"

"Mmm" She twirled some of his hair around her finger idly. "No, but it is kind of crazy how you spent, what? Nine, ten years doting over Yuki just to fall in love with the red head?"

"Ever heard of a little thing called denial?"

"You never really struck me as one to do that." Rin admitted. He always seemed pretty straightforward and blunt. But, she guessed, that that didn't apply when it comes to yourself.

"I was seven and Yuki gave me a confidence boost." Haru shrugged, his fingers dancing absently over the front of his cousin's shirt. "But, Kyo was my first real friend, besides you." He admitted quietly. "I guess, I knew it to some extent then, but we got into a fight--over something. And, I guess, I was suppressing it."

Rin snorted. "You hurt the poor kitties feelings?"

"Not me." He shook his head. "Him." He added, tapping his temple simply in explanation.

"Does he miss Kyo now too?" The horse wondered aloud. It would make sense if he did. Since Haru went black, A LOT.

"No," He shook his head, nuzzling her neck a little. "You're the only one he cares about at all."

"Oh?" Isuzu raised an eyebrow.

"Mmhmm." He nodded. "He never did really get over you."

"Maybe he should." She told him flatly. "The both of you are the biggest babies."

Haru snickered again. "How'd you come to that conclusion?"

"I haven't heard to much whining out of him," She looked down pointedly at Haru. "But, if what you're saying is true, then he's wanting something he can't ever have. That's childish."

"Really?" He blinked absently at her. "I'd call it loyal."

The horse snorted. "Either way, how does he put up with all your moping?”

"When he gets too annoyed with me, he takes over and I can sulk where he doesn't have to deal with it." Haru answered simply. "It's the perfect solution, actually. I wish he'd do it more often." Indeed, perfect. Black got to highjack their body, and White got to mope alone for a few hours. Best of both worlds.

"Hmmm, Poor thing." Rin murmured, ruffling his hair affectionately, again. "But that's enough sulking for a while. You hush for now and I'll buy you another drink."

***

Like the past two years, when the anniversary of Kyo's graduation came along, Haru found himself sitting on Shigure's roof. And, like the past two years, Tohru had insisted that he needed company and was up there with him. But the poor creature still didn't know what to tell him. Like the others she desperately wished he would be happy. But, unlike them she couldn't force herself to say it harshly like they did. She couldn't SAY it at all, just think it and try to just be comforting and there.

"Honda-san," He spoke up after several hours. "Can you do me a favor and tell Yuki that Rin made me promise to stop hurting myself, so he can stop worrying?" He might not have had much contact with his older cousin lately, but what he had, the rat hadn't done a very good job of hiding his concern.

"Oh yes." She smiled. "Of course, he was, I mean, he is very worried about you." The onigiri was making an attempt to hint that they all still were.

"Yeah, just tell him that for me." He sighed, slumping down onto his back.

Eventually it started to get dark and Tohru apologized, but excused herself, heading carefully down the ladder then back into the house. She had to wonder how long Hatsuharu planned to stay up there this time.

At the moment, he was planning on keeping it up till at least eight thirty.

Yuki, however, was working on an essay he had due at school that Friday, up in his room. He'd found the year before, that when Haru was sulking, it was best not to bother him. Tohru came up to visit Yuki a little later with an offering of snacks in her hand. She smiled half-heartedly and offered them to him, glancing worriedly out the window. She still hadn't heard Haru come down yet.

"Hello, Honda-san." Yuki greeted, accepting the bowel of snacks from her. "I haven't seen much of you today."

"Yes, I'm sorry about that, Yuki-kun." The smiled. "I don't like Hatsuharu to just sit on the roof alone." She elaborated carefully.

"He won't jump." Yuki assured her gently. "He's too proud to go from jumping off a roof."

"Oh, I know." The onigiri started, blinking at him. "He said Rin-san made him promise not to do anything to hurt himself anymore, actually." She looked back out the window again. "It's just, when someone's lonely and missing someone, it doesn't really make sense, to me, to just leave them all alone."

"I knew she'd be the one to help him." Yuki commented, glancing toward the window himself.

"I'm very happy someone was able to help him a little." She murmured. "But he still isn't very happy."

"Well, I wouldn't have called him cheerful to begin with."

"I guess." The onigiri conceded. "But he's depressed now! And, I didn't even know he had been that attached to Kyo-kun to begin with."

"He wasn't." Yuki agreed with a nod. "Though, one could argue that 'close' and 'attached' are different things."

Tohru sighed. "I feel bad for Hatsuharu-kun. But, I kind of just have to hope that Kyo-kun is happy." It would be nice if they both could be. But, if you wish for everything you get nothing. So she shook her head and made to go and do her own college work. She was training to be a social worker, amazingly enough. And Yuki returned to his essay, because it was due Friday, and Haru stayed on the roof for many more hours until he decided that if he didn't leave soon, he'd end up with a pissed Hatori yelling at him.

***

It was Sanga-Nichi. This was the start of the fifth year since Kyo left. True to his word, there was no physically destructive behavior on Haru's part. But he only had one more year to put up with that little promise. Now, Haru may be unhappy. But Akito was absolutely gleeful. He called Haru to him on the last night of Sanga-Nichi to spread this joy and everything…

"You wanted to see me, Akito-san?" Haru spoke politely, though inside he was somewhere between boiling and terrified to be alone with Akito again.

"Oh yes." The head grinned. "I wanted to know how you're doing. Since the creature left you've been rather... Well. You know how you are."

"I'm alive, aren't?" He asked stiffly.

"Yes, a rather perplexing fact at that."

"Oh?" Haru blinked at him. He hadn't thought it would have been that hard to figure out. "How so, Akito-san?"

"You've always struck me as the rebellious type, Hatsuharu." He smiled with a shrug. "I've heard about your suicide attempts, and I'm amazed you didn't try harder to thwart the family's attempts to stop you."

"I locked the door," He pointed out with a blink. "There's not much more I could have done."

"Yes, yes, and you're much more fun alive anyways.." The man snorted a little.

"Eh?" He blinked again, unable to keep the spark of fear out of his gaze. No... No, no, no... Not again...

"It might almost be worth it to have the cat come back... Just to watch him blow you off. I'm to understand my darling Yuki did it for years." Akii noted with a small smile.

"I'm glad to see I'm bringing such amusement to your life." He mumbled.

"Nnn, I have to take it where I can get it." Akito nodded. "So, how much longer do you intend to keep pining?" Haru wondered for a moment how much trouble he'd get in for lying, but brushed the option aside all together.

"A couple more months." He murmured finally.

"Hmmm, well. Thank you for all the entertainment." Akii laughed. "Please, I've kept you too long. Why don't you go enjoy the last night of festivities." Then he got up with a soft rustling of robes and went into one of his back rooms. Just leaving Haru there. He had Shigure to play with tonight he didn't need Haru. Relief washed over him, and indeed, he did get up to go find someone he'd be safe sitting with. That meant someone who wouldn't push conversation. Which basically translated to Hatori, Shihan, or Rin. He didn't really care which one he found first.

***

Kazuma had gone home. But Rin was actually sitting with Hatori. So that pretty much solved some of Haru's problems. Rin waved at him a little when she caught sight of him.

"Hey, you don't look too great. You haven't been drinking without me?" She teased, and Hatori's obligatory concern was already painted across his face.

"Akito wanted to talk to me." He explained, as though that should be explanation enough.

"Sounds like you could actually use a drink then! Wanna come with Hatori?" She glanced over her shoulder at the dragon.

"Isuzu, don't encourage him to drink." The doctor sighed helplessly.

"Tori-nii," Haru whined a little. "You should just be happy I'm not shoving my arms through windows anymore."

Ha'ri hung his head. They were technically old enough to drink. Shigure was already with Akito, and Ayame was pestering Yuki.

"True," He murmured and allowed Rin to lead the way to the alcohol. And, indeed, it did help relieve a lot of the stress Haru was feeling. However, by half way through his sixth glass, he couldn't ignore the burning feeling of Hatori's eyes on him any longer.

"Hm?" He raised his eyebrows at the dragon, as he took another long draught from his glass.

"I'm already not envious of your consequent hang over." The doctor told him dryly. He himself wasn't good with alcohol. So, he was carefully sipping the one glass he'd have for the night.

"Makes it better now though." Haru shrugged, downing the remainder in one gulp and motioning for the bartender to fill the glass again.

"And he can't get a hangover if he doesn't ever stop drinking, Hatori." Rin winked from where she sat on the other side of her ex-boyfriend.

"I'll stop," Haru put in as he took his glass back again. "Eventually." If he got an addiction, he was one hundred percent blaming Rin. The dragon just shook his head as he watched the ox simply tip back two more. He was glad he was here now. He and Rin could make sure the idiot got back to his room safely.