Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Hyouhyou Kodori ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

Fruits Basket and all its characters belong to Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world's many coincidental mysteries.

October 27, 2002 (revised December 8, 2002)

Category: Drama

Rating: R

Hyouhyou Kodori: Chapter Three

By Ina-chan

What do you do, pray tell?

When it goes too far, this spell

How do you put together

Broken pieces of a platter

That fell and clattered

On the ground it shattered

As we danced and danced and danced

~~*@*~~

The full moon was still shining brightly, its light contrasting against the luminous glow of the numbers on my digital wristwatch.

17:45.

Damn!

My lungs are ready to explode as it is as I forced an extra burst of energy to my legs, spurring them to move faster… well as fast as my wooden sandals would allow me. I would have breathed a sigh of relief as the path leading to his house came to view, if I could. I started to feel hopeful since I did not see a familiar figure sitting patiently by the open engawa. If he's not waiting, then its possible that he's not ready yet. Please let him be not ready yet… Please let him be not ready yet… The moment the elevated flooring was on reach, I leaned on it and took the opportunity to catch my breath.

A shadow fell over me, as a slender figure stepped out of the open sliding doors, blocking the indoor lights.

Damn! Damn!

I slowly looked up, only to find his expressionless face meeting my sheepish grin. Without another word he held out a cool glass of water for me then proceeded to sit down on the edge of the elevated wooden surface to silently slip on his own sandals over his socked feet.

I gulped down the liquid to moisten my parched throat before attempting with my apologies. /Sorry, sorry… I had a small errand to run before I came home from school. And of course, you can't rush a girl getting ready, right?/

My light chatter was only met by his unnerving silence. As soon as he finished with his footwear, he stood up and started to walk down the path to the direction where the others were. Now I know that he's really angry. I set down my glass on the engawa before hastily running after him.

/Slow down, it's hard to keep up with you with these sandals!/ I called out as I grabbed his arm and gently tugged at it to slow down. At fifteen, Yun-chan had finally gotten a sudden growth spurt. He was only several centimetres taller than me now, but for some strange reason… he seemed to have gained more on the legs, as his strides seemed to had become longer, further, and harder to keep up… specially when he's briskly walking with silent fury.

/Mou! Yun-chan! I know that I'm an hour and forty-five minutes late. I said I was sorry already! And its not like everyone will start the fireworks without us./

To my relief, he slowed down a little bit. /Why were you late?/

He stated the question in that quiet and unemotional almost whisper that always sent chills down my spine. I really hate it when Yun-chan is seriously mad like this. It almost seems as if he's a completely different person. When he's seriously angry, it's almost as if he transforms into Akito-san himself. Of course, he's never cruel… but hearing the same voice… seeing the same expression… the same eyes… it's still pretty unnerving. Though frankly, I'm not even sure what he's so angry about.

/I told you already, I had to run an important errand after school./

/For that long?/

/Well, I didn't realize that the detour will take me that long to travel back./

/What kind of errand was it?/

/Well, unlike some people I know who are smart enough so that they don't need cram school to help pass the high school entrance examinations, there are regular persons in the world who needs an extra boost./

/Cram school…/

/Haaa… it seemed like yesterday I was struggling with my own high school entrance examinations… then I have to go through it all over again next year for the college entrance examinations! It's just not fair! It's difficult to see Kyou-kun as it is already!/

He suddenly stopped walking, causing me crash onto him.

/Yun-chan, wha---/

/You were late because you went to see him?/

/Well, it is the first day of cram school. I though I would just drop by to give him some moral support…/ I let out a long and depressed sigh, /Aaaaah, my poor Kyou-kun. Sou, sou… I understand his pain. Missing out with the fun of spending time with us because of it. But I'm glad he's enthusiastic about his future! He wanted to go to cram school today so badly that he…/

I heard him let out a long shaky breath before starting to walk away in that same brisk manner, leaving me behind to babble at thin air.

/Yun-chan?/

I called out after him as I struggled to keep up with him once again. He completely ignored me and continued on. This time, he made no indication of slowing down. Indescribable ire immediately started to bubble from within me as realization finally hit me.

/Mou!/

Sometimes, that damn mouse can be so damn stubborn an annoying! I kicked off my sandals and ran after him ready to give him a good smack to knock some sense into that thick, selfish head of his. I managed to grab his sleeve to force him to stop and face me. He kept his eyes hidden under his bangs, refusing to meet my eyes. I tightened my hold grasp on his sleeves, trying to control my fists from flying wildly. Why this little… spoiled… BRAT!

/YOU'RE UPSET BECAUSE OF THAT!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE SO SELFISH!!! YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DICTATE OR MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY WITH WHO I SPEND MY TIME WITH!!!/

/Then at least don't talk about him when you're supposed to be spending time with me./ was his simple, calm and quiet reply.

Taken aback by his unexpected response, I immediately let go and took an involuntary step backwards. Memories of his drug-induced confession a little two New Years ago came flooding back into my mind. He never said anything more about it since then, so I always assumed that it was one of those spur of the moment incidents.

Iie…

It was actually more because I refused to acknowledge it… and confront him about it. And knowing Yun-chan, he's always been timid with facing serious kinds of confrontations… so would always find a way to avoid or diffuse them, so he wouldn't have to go through it. It's like some kind of instinctive self-preservation mechanism instilled within him. Suddenly, it's become clear why he let this tiff with Kyou-kun has dragged on for so long. A pang of guilt shot through me at the realization that I was partly to blame for it…

That moment of remorse was probably the reason why I didn't notice the sudden irregular change in pattern in his breathing right away. My eyes widened as I saw him take that familiar posture in his attempt to compensate for his tightening airways.

/Yun-chan…/ I began worriedly as I reached out for him. Shock and anger coursed through me again as I was forced to step back again, feeling the sharp sting on my hand as he slapped me away. He continued to keep his head turned away, refusing to look at me. I could only stare at him, speechless.

Save for the times he hit Kyou-kun back in self-defense, Yun-chan has NEVER raised his hand at anyone. Even so, this was still so unfair. Why is he being so selfish? Fighting against the tears of frustration pooling in my eyes, I made one more attempt to get close to him.

/WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!! STOP THIS NONSENSE AND LET ME HELP YOU!!!/

He straightened up in one quick motion. As if the very air around him reacted violently to his action, I felt myself being pushed away by some invisible force. I can only watch him silently, still frozen, as if under some strange spell.

Under the same full moon, similar to the one when he whispered his honest and childlike words of love, he stood and looked at me. His lips stretching into an angry thin line… his hair reacting to the sudden gust of wind created by the sudden movement of his sleeves… his gentle grey eyes, hardening and narrowing into the identical shape of that other person we feared. His voice was soft and almost silent, but it rang clear… as if he was saying it directly into my mind.

/Thank you for your assistance./

Under the same full moon, I felt for the first and last time, a small taste of the sting of his hate.

"Kagura? Are you okay in there?" Yun-chan's voice and knocking brought me out of my reverie

"Yes!" I called out to him through the washroom door, as I wrapped a towel tightly around me, "Where do I hang my clothes to dry?"

"Tooru normally hangs them by the balcony, but it started to pour again. We can probably hang it over the heater or something," His voice started to fade slightly as I heard his steps walking away from the door, "Did you find Tooru's clothes?"

"Y-yes," I replied a little hesitantly, "but they kind of… don't fit…"

"Eh? Indulging too much on those cookies during coffee break?"

I felt my left eyebrow twitch involuntarily, his light banter uncomfortably hitting a little too close to home. I slammed the door open in annoyance, hands in hips, ready to put him in his place, "Well, its not my fault that God did not grant all women with the same amount of assets!"

"Hai, hai," He replied patiently, as if talking to a child, while playfully draping neatly folded pieces of dry clothing on top of my head. He gently turned me around, pushed me back into the small washroom and closed the door behind me, "Just get dressed. If the neighbours see you unabashedly parading your assets from my window, they might get the wrong idea."

"Mou!" I muttered in annoyance, more the fact that my brain couldn't find anything fast enough to counter his word.

The clothes he gave me were one of those long-sleeved pristine white polo shirts that he had taken the habit of wearing to sleep since he was a teen-ager, and a pair of running shorts. I stuck out my tongue in disgust as I caught sight of myself from the washroom sink mirror, highlighted by the dimmer than usual light emitting from the florescent light on the ceiling. The shirt hung over my legs, nearly reaching my knees. I had to roll the sleeves almost up to my elbows to keep it from falling over my hands. I don't understand why my co-workers always made comments about how their boyfriends think it's sexy when they wear their boyfriend's shirts to bed. No matter how I see it, it made me look like I'm an unflattering, shapeless, sack of potatoes! It's almost embarrassing for Yun-chan to see me in this…

Heh?

Since when did I care how Yun-chan saw me?

"Kagura? Are you done? Don't tell me that my clothes don't fit you either…"

WHY THAT LITTLE… He was going to PAY for that…

I sauntered huffily out of the door, ready to give him hell when his cell phone rang at the exact moment I opened my mouth.

He gave the phone's luminous screen a quick glance before motioning me to wait with an apologetic look, "Sorry Kagura, I have to take this call." Almost instantly, Yun-chan demeanour switched into that professional air that Ha-niichan always carried.

"Yes, Takada-san? Eh? The system crashed from the power surge? Do you need me to come over… No? Yes… I think I still have the back-up raw data from group FB-37," He craned his neck to hold the phone in position as he took his place behind the low table where his laptop rested. He turned the computer on, slipped on his reading glasses, and inserted a zip disc he picked up from the neat pile on the table with quick, precise, and expert movements. He waited a few moments, his glasses reflecting the LCD screen in front of him, "Yes… I have it here. I can bring it to the lab first thing tomorrow morning if you need it. No, it's no trouble. Yes. I'll be there at around nine."

Seeing yet another side of him that I'm not familiar with, the earlier awful feeling of him moving forward and leaving me behind nagged at me again.

"I'm sorry," I said to him apologetically as I took a seat beside him

"For what?" He asked absent-mindedly, still focused on the work in front of him

"For all that's been happening lately. First the storm, then me, and then your work… It's Christmas tomorrow, and I know how much you would have preferred to be with Tooru-kun than have to deal with all of this."

"Hmm… well, it can't be helped. I'm still seeing her tomorrow anyway after I drop off the disc at the University."

The light drizzle quickly turned into a freak thunderstorm. Lightning struck one of the city's power generators, causing a power surge that pretty much immobilized everything. The dim lighting in Yun-chan's apartment was already indication that its tenants were using the building's emergency generators to the maximum. Outside, the trains have been running in below minimum capacity, making it almost impossible to find an available cab. It just started raining heavily making driving difficult so Yun-chan called the main house to let them know that I was spending the night with him. Tooru-kun, stranded from where she was, already found refuge in Hanajima-san's house, which was much closer compared to Yun-chan's apartment. He was supposed to pick her up tomorrow morning from Hanajima-san's place.

It was strange. These string of coincidences, that is. It was as if the goddesses of the fates are weaving all these circumstances to prevent them from being together.

"Ne, Yun-chan… I don't want to sound ungrateful, but… where am I going to sleep?"

Yun-chan's place was slightly bigger than most bachelor apartments in the city. It had its own toilet and shower, a small balcony, a small kitchenette, and a common space that serves as the living room, dining room and bedroom. Though it was probably sufficient living space for one person, it's still exactly what he described it. A cubicle. Even if the low table where we are seated in front of were to be moved to the side of the room, the sleeping space for two people would still be... rather… intimate. I unconsciously brought my arms around my chest as I felt my heart start to quicken its pace from the thought.

"I have an extra futon in the closet. Do you mind moving the table so I can lay them out?" He said as he got on his feet

"S-sure…" I answered uncertainly, a little taken aback as both feelings of relief and disappointment fought inside of me. I pushed the table aside then sat to watch him diligently arrange the beddings he pulled out from the closet onto the floor. Suddenly, a mischievous thought popped in my head. After all, I still needed to get revenge for that crack he made while I was in the washroom, "So… that extra futon... is it Tooru-kun's?"

A satisfied smile made its way to my lips as I saw him almost tumble to the floor, literally turning red to his ears from embarrassment.

"It's an EXTRA futon," he said aloud when he finally found his voice

"Hmmm… is that so. So if it's not Tooru-kun's then does that mean when she sleeps over, she sleeps in YOURS."

"What is wrong with you today? Will you please stop poking at my private life with a stick?" Yun-chan stated irritably

"I can't help it! This is difficult for me too. I mean, knowing that Tooru-kun comes here often. I can't help but imagine her all over the place. Tooru-kun by the doorway, Tooru-kun in the balcony, Tooru- by the portable stove, Tooru-kun in the futon…" I paused dramatically, watching his reaction as I leaned on the table behind me and tilted my head up to strike a ridiculously over-emphasized seductive pose, "…Tooru-kun on the table…"

He looked at me blankly and blinked before turning away in mortification, obviously fighting against the image that I suggested in his head. "You know," he began in a low and dangerous tone, "The balcony is only two stories high, but a two story drop can still be very painful."

"Hai! Hai!" I replied submissively, seeing that I've reached the limit of my teasing. Though, feeling very smug and pleased with myself as I crawled and cocooned myself under its warm covers of the futon while he went about the room to turn off the lights. Despite of what he says, the faint scent of Tooru's favourite shampoo immediately assailed my senses. I closed my eyes as I braced myself from that awful reflexive wave of resentment that seemed to smash down on me lately. More often than I cared to admit.

Yun-chan settled in his own futon beside me with a load groan, "Why did you have to go too far? Now I'll be thinking of her all night. I'll have a hard time trying to go to sleep."

"Are you sure that's the only HARD problem you have?" I intoned impishly, not being able to help myself

I immediately found myself raising my arms over my head in self-defense with a loud squeal as he started pelting me over and over with his pillow. I managed to sit up and pick up my own weapon. We engaged in a good-old-fashioned pillow fight until we both fell back on our futons, exhausted and giggling giddily like small children.

"Still, this is nice…" I managed to blurt out between gasps and giggles

"Hmmm?"

"This," I stated as I leaned on elbow and turned to face him, "We haven't had a little sleep over like this since we were children. It's too bad that we can't invite the others to join us. It almost seemed like yesterday that we were teasing Momi-chan about his stuffed sleeping companion, trying to calm Haru-chan down when he accidentally wet his bed, Kyou-kun with his sulking in the corner, Isuzu with her truth or dare games, and you still had that big crush on…" I caught myself too late in mid-sentence. I lay back and closed my eyes, as I clasped my hands together over my chest, "I'm sorry…"

"About what?" He asked in that quiet tone of his

"It was entirely inappropriate to drag that out again," I stated uncomfortably, "It's unfair to Tooru-kun, after all."

"Don't be."

"What?" My eyes shot open at his words.

"Don't be sorry. I'm not. I never stopped loving you, Kagura-neechan."

"Yun-chan…" I sat up to face him, speechless and shocked beyond belief by his words, "What did you say?"

He was still lying down, but from the poor light, I can see based from the glint reflecting on the lenses of his glasses that he was facing me. Slowly, he sat up and gave me small smile as he repeated his words, "I never stopped loving you, Kagura-neechan."

"Yun-chan… what about Tooru-kun?"

He put a finger over my lips with a soft 'shhhh', "It's alright. The one who's with me right now is Kagura-neechan."

All at once, with his words, I realized that I didn't care anymore. Even though this wasn't the moment that I always dreamed of, or fantasized… I didn't care anymore. Even though this was entirely wrong… I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to be loved. Even if it's not the person I dreamed of… I just wanted to be loved. There's nothing wrong with wanting that, right?

Right?

Soundlessly, I reached out and took the glasses off his face and set them on the floor beside me. His finger left my lips to caress my cheek, before leaning closer to claim my lips in a soft and innocent kiss. His simple act triggered to release all the pent up frustration that had been building up inside of me, so that the kiss immediately lost its innocence as I responded to it with ravenous desire. I worked on the buttons of my shirt as he continued his assault on my mouth. My fingers clumsily fumbled over them, so I pulled on the shirt in frustration until I heard, with great satisfaction, the buttons roll and clatter on the floor. I ran my hands over his arms and shoulders, tugging at his own clothing, but he caught my hands and gently pushed me down. I felt him lace his fingers into mine, holding them still over my head as he settled into a comfortable position over me. I closed my eyes and simply moaned helplessly, enjoying the sensations he caused as he rained my face… my lips… my throat with gentle butterfly kisses. Then his lips fell upon and slowly sucked on the sensitive spot on my neck…

…I couldn't help but let out a loud gasp as I sat up with a start. My eyes wandered around the unfamiliar surroundings, when I realized that I was still in Yun-chan's apartment. The room was still dark and was silent, save for the sound of my laboured breathing. My hands automatically went to my shirt to find the buttons still on it, unmolested. I ran my hands over my hair, as my eyes started to adjust in the darkness. Yun-chan's glasses glinted in the moonlight as it sat properly in its open case on top of the low table at the corner of the room. I instinctively turned towards and reached out for the futon beside me, only to find it empty and neat… giving no sign whatsoever that was even used. I lay back in my futon with a soft thump.

It was just a dream.

All at once, shame started to build up inside of me. What is wrong with me? It was one thing to remember forgotten memories of affection from him… but having an erotic dream about him was an entirely different matter. I couldn't help but feel that I've betrayed Yun-chan and Tooru-kun…

…and Kyou-kun.

"It was just a dream." I said aloud in a soft shaky whisper, trying to convince myself that I did nothing wrong

It didn't help. The apartment's small space started feel like it was getting even smaller. I needed some fresh air. I struggled out of my futon and made my way to the balcony. It was only then that I noticed the slightly opened glass sliding door.

It was a full moon tonight. The storm had apparently stopped and the skies cleared, allowing the bright moon to show her face, along with the millions of stars that accompanied her. I saw his figure standing at the far end of the balcony, his head leaning to one side, as if admiring the nighttime view. Noiselessly slid the door fully open and started to step outside.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Yun-chan's soft voice filtered in the air

I froze with a start, completely not expecting that he would immediately sense me. I opened my mouth to answer…

"No, everything's fine. I meant to call you early in the morning, but I wanted to hear your voice now. No… Do I joke about things like that?" He continued on before I could utter even a single word.

I quickly took a step back inside and hid on the other side of the balcony door.

"Well, yes… there's some trouble at work from the power surge, but it shouldn't get in the way, I'll still be able pick you up at eleven… It's no trouble, don't worry about it."

I let out a long sigh. This was stupid! Why the heck am I hiding like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar? I know it was rude to walk into a private conversation between him and Tooru-kun, but there was no need to react like this?

"Kagura? I think she's fine for the time being. Yeah, she's sleeping inside."

I was about to walk back to bed when I froze upon hearing him utter my name. I really should have simply walked away, but for some strange reason, I just can't get myself to move.

"I know… I'm getting worried too. No, she still won't say anything. She's still covering it up, but I think she's getting worse."

Getting worse? I couldn't help but frown at that. What the hell is he talking about?

"I'll talk to Hatori tomorrow when he comes to pick her up early in the morning. Yes, I'm staying with her to make sure she's okay. I know how it feels… I did some crazy things to myself back when I was badly depressed like this."

Stay with me to make sure I'm okay? Depressed? So that's how it was after all. It really was just a "consolation date".

"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow, then."

I silently stepped into the balcony and slowly made my way toward him, then stopped just inches away from where he was standing. I couldn't help but let out a silent sarcastic laugh. He was so engrossed with his phone conversation with HER that he couldn't even sense me breathing on his back.

"I love you too."

The metaphorical box started to shake violently again. Whatever was inside was struggling to get inside was winning the battle. To be quite honest, at this point, I didn't care anymore. I didn't to even make any more effort to try to hold the lid down.

I felt him freeze in surprise as I suddenly pressed myself against his back my hands resting lightly on his hips, as soon as he hung up, "Kagura? What are you doing?"

"Ne, Yun-chan…" I began as I slowly inched my hands up on his back, "… would things have been different back then if…" and slowly around his chest, "…you never met Tooru-kun…" and tightened it into a firm embrace, "…and I fell in love with you instead?"

He effortlessly twisted out of my grasp and guided me inside. All the while, still holding me away at arms-length, "Kagura, what's going on? Tell me what's bothering you."

And the box…

"Nothing is wrong with me," I replied as I struggled against his firm grip

…continued to shake violently…

"The Kagura I know would never do anything to hurt Tooru!"

…and the lid…

"Yun-chan, please," I whined pathetically, "Please don't mention that name when you're with me."

…quavered precariously…

"KAGURA!" He held on my shoulders firmly and shook me… as if trying to shake me back into my senses, "TOORU IS MY WIFE!"

…and fell.

I buried my hands into my hair, fell on my knees, and let out a loud pained scream. Why? Why!? WHY!!!? I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted to be loved. Why can't I have any of that? From the corner of my, I could see him standing there, watching me helplessly, totally unsure of what to do.

Yuki used to be just like me, hopeful and chasing a dream to attain that impossible happiness. But Yuki was happy now. Yuki had moved forward and left me behind. Yuki found his happiness with her and left me behind. Why did it happen? Why did it happen like this? What is this that I'm feeling? Why is it that all I could feel was this brimming, gushing stream of hate and loathing? I can't stand seeing that happy face of his. He doesn't understand. He can't understand. He won't understand until that happiness is taken away from him. I'll make him understand. I'll make him feel this hurt of being left behind. I just wanted someone to hurt the same way I do.

"Did you really believe that the two of you are going to work? What a joke." I began scathingly with a vicious laugh. I looked up and shot him a venomous look as I slowly got on my feet, "And you know exactly the reason why this marriage is doomed from the start, don't you?"

He didn't reply, he simply stood there and stared at me.

"It's the reason why you squirm and writhe in embarrassment every time I bring it up… the reason why she admitted that you haven't made love yet after all this time… it's because you can't. You can't do it! You can't hold her in your arms, can you? It's impossible for you to hold her in your arms so you can FUCK HER!"

He still didn't say anything, or do anything. But I could see the silent hurt in his eyes when I spat out those words to him. Something in the back of my mind begged me to stop. Seeing this now, I wanted to stop… but I couldn't. It was like trying to stop a bullet train with your bare hands.

"Tell me Yuki… tell me what is so great about her?" I continued icily as I started to walk toward him again, "Tell me why is it, despite knowing what you know… why do you still love her so much. I need to understand why her? Why her and not me? I've known him longer. I've loved him longer than her… but… tell me why did he still choose her? Why did YOU still choose her knowing that you can't hold her like this?" He didn't resist when I took his limp arms and wrapped them around me, "Knowing that she can never hold you like this," I ran my own hands up on his arms and around his shoulders, "Knowing that she can never touch you like this," I leaned up close to him, standing on my toes. I paused, feeling his breath mingle with mine before moving forward to claim his lips.

Without warning, he turned his face away and held me so tight that I could barely breathe. I could only let him hold me in his warmth and feel his breath whisper in my ear, "Kagura… I'm glad that you were able to finally say it out loud… But you're saying this to the wrong person."

With that, he suddenly let go and walked away from me. I watched him numbly as he pulled out his cell phone and started dialling.

"Hatori?" He finally spoke, in a very calm voice, after a few silent moments, "Yes, I know what time it is. I was just wondering if it's okay with you to pick up Kagura a little earlier… Now… would be a good time… No, nothing happened… No… I just think it's not a good idea for the two of us to be in the same room right now… No… No… I don't know… Are you coming or what? I'll see you then."

He took a deep sigh before turning back to me. His voice was calm, quiet, and emotionless… and he refused to meet my eyes, "Hatori's coming to take you home in a few minutes. Please don't leave before he gets here." With that, he made his way into the washroom, and closed the door behind him, the lock echoing with a loud click.

Only then I found the strength to uproot myself from where I was standing to chase him. I pressed myself against the door and heard the undeniable sound of silent sobbing. My own tears started to flood my eyes, as the pain in my chest that radiated up in my throat forced me to fall on my knees.

Oh God, what have I done?

What have I done?

"Yun-chan…" I called out in a hoarse whisper, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it."

But it no matter how much I apologize, I already knew that it didn't matter. I let the lid off from that metaphorical box, and the monsters that were struggling to get out were set free. Now, I can only watch helplessly, as they destroyed everything and everyone I love and hold dear…

TO BE CONTINUED…