Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Light in My Life ❯ Instabilities ( Chapter 18 )

"Mrs Souma Akito": I realize that about the kimono and the yukata. Not only is it summer, but yukatas are also made out of cotton versus a kimono, which is made out of silk and polyester. I am aware of these things, and though I know I don't know everything, I know enough to confidently use them. Men also wear kimonos, but they are generally differently colored and are more general. Women have different kimonos for different occasions and social statures. They have beer in vending machines in Japan because natives have a greater sense of honor than in America, so you will not see underage teenagers smoking or drinking. (This is not saying that they are valiant swordsmen who defend their family's honor with their life or whatever.) Also, I have no idea what "HP" is or what pair "h/d" is. Thanks for reviewing.

This extra chapter is going up because we have extreme exams this week, and I just want to make sure I have some backup time in case I'm unable to update. Six pages in one day. Not bad.

18: Instabilities

I must have lost my mind completely. This was the first time I had hugged anyone, male or female, since my mother died. Even she was timid about it; it is a formal family. We don't hug.

But every once in a while, in a person's life, a hug can cure all doubts, and help start healing wounds. A soft embrace can bring people without any common purpose together, and can be the start of many things.

I like to think so, now. I like to think so, as I have my arms wrapped around this girl's shoulders: this Honda Tohru. I have my eyes closed, and I can smell it. I am a child again, where I can smell my mother's sweet rosy hair, feel her soft pale skin, and know that she is there. I don't even know if I feel anything for this girl, because I cannot feel. I am beyond feeling anything but anger and craftiness, but I can scrap my pride for a few moments to hug this girl, and know that I don't need them after all.

And suddenly, I felt a wetness on my chest, where this girl's face rested. I felt her hands touch my sides, and suddenly, she shook. I heard a muffled sob, and I experienced a sensation as her feathery brown hair brushed my bared neck.

Why is she crying? I'm used to people crying, yes; Yuki cried every day. Tohru cried when I pulled her hair and screamed at Hatori to erase her memory. Kisa cried when I hit her as I passed her in the hallway. But this girl wasn't crying for any particular reason at all that I could tell, and I had done nothing to bring it about.

And instead of pushing her away and demanding an explanation, I felt the desire to pat her head. Which I did. Her fingers clutched the fabric of my haari, and she cried harder. I stayed like that for some moments, and my mind strayed into thoughts. This is what those animals could never have. It gave me a good feeling, knowing I had this on them. Now, if I died for them, I would at least get something out of it.

***

Tohru's muffled sobs finally ebbed, coming to a halt in the form of short sniffs. Akito's arms loosened their hold on her, and brushed her back before withdrawing completely. The tall, thin man stood back, watching with a flat expression as Tohru rubbed her eyes with her fists, which shone brightly with wetness when she looked up at him.

"Akito-san?" she asked again. Red streaks ran down her face, and her hair was ruffled about her rose-hued cheeks. She stared at him, her lips trembling. Her mind was in a whirlwind, and she found herself unable to comprehend anything. She could feel his hands on her back, his chin on her head, and his soft yukata as she let her torrent of tears loose.

Tohru stared at the floor, her thoughts slowly reining themselves in. Her cheeks were a bright red now, and her flush spread all the way to her ears. Akito watched thoughtfully as she seemed to remember just what had happened as her eyes became glued to the floor.

"Yes, Tohru-san?" Tohru stared up at him. It was the second time that he had ever used her name, even since she started coming to him. It was always just "you"; she felt strangely elevated.

"...Why?" Tohru's voice was still choked, but her eyes were clear and painfully innocent.

"I should be asking why," he replied, his voice once again emotionless. His eyes were dark and probing, and his hair hung close around his face and ears. He seemed to be leaning in to hear just what she had to say.

"B-because.. Akito-san really is a nice person, but he is not happy," she replied quietly. Tohru kept her head turned away, but looked at him from an angle. Akito continued to stare at her, his surprise and indecision quietly locked away behind his mask.

"I see," was his only response. Why? That was a very good question. People had needs, and people would do whatever was necessary to meet those needs. He had only done what he needed to do. Things were that simple, when you were Akito. Things had depth, but they rarely called for an investigation. It was just a matter of need.

Akito considered himself a calm, rational person. He often thought closely about things before lashing out in a blind rage; no one gave him credit for that. It took a deal of preparation to injure a person with any household item. He thought out things quite well, and considered his options very thoroughly before making decisions and acting upon them. But when he did something irrational, there was no explanation, and there was no question.

"Do I still scare Tohru-san?" Akito asked suddenly, still standing face-to-face with the nervous, fidgeting girl. Tohru looked up, eyes wide.

"Scare me?" she asked in amazement. Akito blinked. She had to be scared of him. Anyone who didn't fear him was more mentally unstable than he himself, and it was inviting disaster. "Akito-san has never scared me," Tohru told him truthfully.

Akito looked thoughtful for a moment, then turned on his heel and walked back to the desk where he had previously been sitting. "Bring lunch," he instructed. Tohru looked dumbfounded for a moment, then bowed and nodded.

"Yes, Akito-san," she said, her voice still quivering. She opened the door quickly and escaped.

Akito crossed his arms behind his head, glancing up at the ceiling. Although it had been a one time thing, he felt as if a weight he never knew existed had been lifted from his shoulders. He still hated her, on some degree; it was more a matter of principle than anything.

***

Tohru hummed lightly to herself as she carried the tray of steaming food out of the kitchen. The cooks never ceased to stare at her as she cooked, but she naturally took it as a compliment. She made teriyaki and miso, with a small dorayaki cake. Even to her nose, it smelled good, but she was still nervous from her previous incident with Akito.

What could possibly have driven to act that way? Lost in thought, she noticed too late when she intercepted with Hatori coming down the hallway. Tohru cried out as the tray quickly went sailing out of her hands, twisting in the air and spilling miso soup all over the alarmed doctor.

"Oh no! Hatori-san, I am so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she repeated over and over, bowing and crying her apologies. Hatori raised his hands, trying to split a few seconds among getting carrot slice off his shirt, picking the spilled tray off the floor, and assuring Tohru it wasn't a medical emergency.

"Please Tohru-kun, it's all right," Hatori said, patting her back. She stood up, and upon seeing his stained white doctor's jacket, began apologizing all over again.

Suddenly, the door to Akito's room--which stood only feet away--flew open. "What is going on out here?" he demanded. He registered the spilled meal, and the frantically apologizing Tohru. "What did you do to her?" he snarled at Hatori.

Hatori stared at the other man. Tohru closed her mouth, watching as Akito glared at the doctor.

"It's nothing like that!" Tohru cried in alarm. "I spilled the tray all over Hatori-san, and I ruined Akito-san's lunch and Hatori-san's jacket!" She quickly set about to picking up the tray.

Akito, eyes still narrowed, turned his eyes on Tohru. "You can make it again," he said, before looking back at Hatori. "You help her."

"Your checkup-"

"Half an hour," Akito interrupted. Looking at Tohru one more time, he walked back into his room, and closed the door with an air of finality.

Tohru looked at Hatori apologetically. "He's angry about my stupidity delaying his lunch," she said, dropping her eyes. Hatori blinked at her, then nervously patted her shoulder.

"I don't think so. It was my fault for not watching where I was going," he assured her. "Come on, let's get this cleaned up."