Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Light in My Life ❯ Acknowledgments ( Chapter 30 )

30: Acknowledgments

Tohru passed another wide glass window. From her view on the second floor she could see vast lengths of cement, which were lined by vividly green grass and well-trimmed shrubs and bushes. Her view was suddenly blocked by another expanse of off-white wall.

There was a thick, eerie silence in the hallway. As she passed a classroom door she could hear teachers lecturing, for their classes were already in progress. Tohru squeezed her eyes closed as she walked to bite back tears. She really had to stop this crying business.

It was childish.

She finally came to her classroom, stopping at the door. It was homeroom so they had no class for another twenty minutes. Tohru opened the door, shuddering as the vibrant chatter in the room came to a grinding halt as she entered. She swallowed, closing the door behind her and taking her seat, all eyes watching her.

Tohru sat in silence for some moments before the murmur rose again to normal levels. She kept her eyes on her desk, avoiding even looking for Kyou and Yuki. She didn't know what to say to them, what to do to keep herself from letting a tear loose in front of them.

As much as living with Akito was... different, she could only look out the window when she thought about her real home. The place she could call home, the place she had called home for three years, the place where she felt truly at home.

And now it was gone, and Tohru knew Yuki and Kyou would be glad to be rid of her. She was nothing but trouble for them.

Tohru almost let out a scream as a large fist landed on her desk, shaking it and creating a sound loud enough for all the class to hear. She slowly lifted her head to find Kyou leaning over her desk as he lifted his hand. His eyes were hidden beneath a curtain of orange hair and his arm was trembling as he stood up straight again, towering over her.

Kyou grabbed her arm, glaring around the classroom before tugging her toward the classroom door, where he jerked it open. Yuki followed them, closing the door behind them as they stood in the hallway. Tohru stood against the wall, crossing her arms in front of her and staring at the floor.

Yuki stepped in front of Kyou, giving the cat a level look. Kyou only scowled at the both of them and took a step back to allow Yuki to address her first.

"He hasn't hurt you, has he?" Yuki asked. Tohru looked up, turning her head away as she saw the deep, pleading look in his dark purple eyes. She shook her head.

"N-no," she replied, her voice trembling. Yuki lightly touched her cheek, turning her face so she looked straight at him. Kyou growled and finally stepped into the conversation.

"Tohru," he ground out. Her eyes immediately focused on him, both shocked and hopeful that he was speaking to her at last. "I... I'm sorry."

Confusion immediately flashed across her features. Kyou sighed, scratching the back of his head. "I didn't mean to... to hurt you like that," he admitted, his voice quieter than usual. "I didn't know what to think... I... we... it was confusing."

Tohru lifted one hand to her face, pushing some hair from her eyes, getting a better look at the two boys. Yuki nodded in agreement to Kyou's statement. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I couldn't stand hurting you, wondering if you were ashamed of me."

Yuki shook his head, patting her shoulder. He smiled slightly; a genuine smile. "We really missed you, Tohru-kun." He looked away, lowering his lashes. "I'm only sorry it took something like this happening for us to realize how much you meant to us, and how much we needed you."

Tohru shook her head. She looked at the two boys, a pair of trusting, purple eyes and a pair of spark-filled, auburn eyes both focused on her. "I..." she paused, trembling at their intent gazes. Tohru turned her face away slightly. "I can't leave now."

"What do you mean you can't leave?" Kyou asked loudly. His voice had suddenly turned sour and angry again. Tohru shook her head.

"Kyou-kun, it's not like that. If I asked Akito-san to let me leave, he would." Yuki raised his eyebrows. "But I can't leave him now. I... He needs me."

There was silence between the three students. Yuki watched Tohru with surprise, his expression rather clear of the pain it held earlier, while Kyou kept his face hidden and turned away. "What do you mean by that?" Kyou asked, his voice quiet and pained. Tohru looked at him, unable to hide her sadness at seeing a friend hurt because of her.

Everything was because of her. Everyone's pain. But somewhere inside she felt as if the pain was temporary; they still had each other, just things had changed. The consolation she had awoken with, the soft feelings physically and mentally of finding comfort in another's own search for peace... they were truer and deeper than anything she had ever experienced.

Only the loss of her mother compared. She felt as if when she awoke that morning, Akito protectively holding her in sleep, she had gained back a part of her that was once lost. All that was left to want was his comfort, his peace and restoration. Tohru could feel new parts of him that wanted only to come out and to finally accept the hope she offered to him.

"I miss you both," she said, gaining new strength. "But there is something I have to do there. It's the only way... I can really do my best for both of you." Tohru smiled, hoping against hope that they would understand. She missed making breakfast and laughing with Yuki, listening to Shigure tease and torture his editor, and trying against all odds to save Kyou from Kagura's violent clutches.

Kyou sighed, looking straight at her. "You have to do what you have to do. But if he does anything to hurt you..." The threat didn't even need to be made.

Yuki nodded. "We're always here for you, Tohru-kun." Tohru smiled at the both of them, taking one of each of their hands in her own.

"Thank you."

***

I plucked another petal from the flower in a comedic display of irony. My lip curved crookedly as I tore the last saffron petal from its pollen-holding center, watching it ride an invisible elevator to the ground. I took the stem, ripping it brutally from the rest of the small flower, tossing it behind me as I abruptly rose to my feet. My toes stuck in the cool grass, a familiar smell drifting to my nose.

It was summer again.

I closed my eyes, standing silently in the soft lawn as a refreshingly cool breeze blew past me. Since Tohru had left that morning, I was unable to function at all in my normal routine, eating an obscenely late breakfast and taking a walk outside on my own.

I had finally decided to do it.

I wanted the comfort Tohru made me feel, the peace she instilled in me. I wanted to know everything about her, to ease the pain on her heart. I wanted to do something to make her own life better, even if I couldn't do the same for my own. The sensation of caring for another made my insides turn, but there was no other way to put it. I tried to tell myself I was only experiencing long-delayed emotions, triggered by the sudden events in my life which always seemed to revolve around Tohru.

But it was so much more than that. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and even do more than that, but felt the need for them because of my need for her. Her scent, her voice, her laugh, her innocence, her sweet pure mind, and her heart.

I wanted her heart. It was the only way to put it. She had made me see things I had never seen before and made me feel things I never knew existed. And now all my desires revolved around her, my mind becoming more and more placid in a war I had never thought would happen.

I had discovered my heart, and it hurt. It was in agony when she cried, and it soared when she laughed. It knew what it wanted, but it was only myself that had to accept its decision. And I had finally given in. Whether it was a battle lost, I couldn't say; but it was a new step, an advancement toward the caring, kind, compassionate heart that I wanted as my own.

I found myself on the porch, taking off the sandals I only put on a few steps earlier for the sake of ceremony. Suddenly, I didn't mind if my feet had unappealing green grass stains.

Grass had a pleasant smell.

I moved to sit on the floor, when I heard a knock on my door.

"Akito-san? May I come in?"