Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ The Brief Diary of a Repressed Goddess ❯ Entry 5 ( Chapter 5 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: vampyremiyu 
Akito's diary draws to a close.
Anime/Manga: Fruits Basket Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.29.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 321 | Status: Completed
Akito's diary draws to a close.
Anime/Manga: Fruits Basket Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.29.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 321 | Status: Completed
THE BRIEF DIARY OF A REPRESSED GODDESS
A Fruits Basket Fanfic
Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
The final chapter begins. I'm still interested in doing the follow-up I originally planned, but I'm still unsure about it. It may take a while. SPOILER WARNING for chapters 97/98, 101 and other more recent chapters of the manga. Non-lemon. Told from Akito's point of view. I hope you will enjoy the ending! I'm sure most of you know where this is going anyway. A Standard Disclaimer follows the chapter.
ENTRY #5
I never realized how much I worry.
Before, I thought worrying was for the weak. But after a while, I realized that worrying was not weak. It was human. Something that makes me just like everyone else.
Is it bad that feeling human makes me feel...good?
I am supposed to be a god after all.
My mother's untimely death was a shock to most of the family. The bitch had been a thorn in my side for a long time. My entire life, too long! She was an old woman given to bouts of psychotic periods. The doctor believed it to be from stress and a weak heart.
"What a terrible loss."
"We're so sorry, Akito-sama."
"This house will be a mess without the missus."
"She will be missed."
Missed? A tragedy? HA!
Only I know just how much arsenic the woman has ingested over the last few years.
Even more ironic was that the day of her funeral was a sunny one. I managed to stay glum, frowning enough to make it convincing. Only a few close family members were there, including the self-proclaimed Mabudachi trio. Kureno stayed by my side, and my eyes never left her coffin until the first shovel of dirt was thrown on it. Once the ceremony was over, I left, not wishing to deal with the others and wanting to relish in my newfound freedom.
I went shopping - something I relish with a passion! I bought furniture and decorations to re-organize the woman's room. Kureno saw to the delivery and the execution. By the end of the week, I had a new guest room.
And a few presents for my favorite children.
Well, one of my favorites. But the other benefited, too.
The children came to greet me as they always did, with mother and father in tow. I did not mind Tohru's presence. It was the damn mutt that always got on my nerves. While he was around, I couldn't be...well, myself. My newfound self. The person I wanted to be around my daughter.
Kazuya thanked me for his gift first, bowing politely before turning and running off. The boy was still the spitting image of his father, but the softer features of his face were purely Tohru's. At least her genetics had some influence. His father patted his head, hugging him as they examined his new toy truck together.
I'm almost glad I won't be around to see him grow into a young man. That would just be too painful.
Sachi ran to me and gave me a hug. Rambunctious, that one. I obliged her with a small smile, trying hard not to hold her to me, to touch her longer than was really necessary. I just hope the pain didn't show in my eyes as she turned and ran to Tohru, holding out the doll she had just received. She showed it to her father as well, for which she, too, got a pat on the head.
"These are unexpected gifts," Shigure commented as our meeting drew to a close. "To what do we owe the honor?"
"I wasn't aware I needed an excuse to give presents, Shigure-san." The arrogance in my voice was pure. Who was he to question me anyway?
"They're wonderful," Tohru added. "The children love them."
"Yes," Shigure said in agreement. "That they do."
The next few weeks found me stuck in bed. The fever came and went. The chills did the same. The only thing that didn't change were the fragments of my slowly beating heart that wouldn't pick themselves up and heal.
Unexpected visitors came to see me, too. First Yuki, then Haru and Momiji. Since they were all away at college, I had no thought I would see any of them until the New Year's feast. But vacation had brought them home and news of my ill health had brought them to me.
Luckily I wasn't too much out of character thanks to the damn sickness.
But my fight with illness is far from over, even if the specialist and Hatori concur.
The return of the younger jyuunishi heralded the beginning of summer. It was my idea to have an end of summer party, including a large bash to celebrate the twins second birthday. The beach house was the perfect place. Large enough for all and plenty to do for everyone.
Once the shock wore off, I think they were all very excited.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Akito-san?"
"I'm far from a child, Kureno. I will be fine."
Stepping into the beach house brought back memories not long forgotten. I hadn't returned since the birth of my daughter. Last summer's illness kept me from coming, although many of the jyuunishi spent some amount of time there.
The noise of everyone, including the children, was a different memory though.
I watched them play on the beach every morning until lunch. Everyone would gather for the mid-day meal and then go separate ways until supper. I sat on the terrace, watching Tohru with the children. She was the perfect mother and it showed. Of course, I was jealous, but grateful, too. It was the right amount of reassurance I needed to know that my decision was the right one.
"Are you lonely here, Akito-san?"
"Kureno went into town with Hatori. They'll be back soon." As the summer rays are beating down on the side of the house, I lower my glasses to look at the visitor. "Don't tell me you're bored here, Shigure-san?"
"Must you really be so formal? We are hardly strangers."
"That," I said, lifting my glasses and returning to my previous position in my chair, "is a matter of opinion."
"Don't tell me that you're still angry with me?"
"Why should I be angry, Shigure? Because you betrayed me? Abandoned me? Betrayed me again?" My voice was angry, but not as angry as I had hoped. Perhaps time does heal most wounds. "And what of Tohru? Wouldn't it break her pure, little heart if she knew you'd been sleeping with me while you were courting her?"
I felt the brush of his fingers against my cheek. "How would she find out?"
Hands clutched at the arms of my chair, I retorted, "How, indeed."
"Will you tell her?" His voice was close to my ear, whispering in those old seductive tones.
"Stupid dog," I nearly shouted, batting him away. My hand came into contact with his face, hard. I'm certain the sound echoed to the beach. "Do not presume anything with me."
"Then what will you do?"
I relaxed into my chair again. "You're smarter than me. Can't you figure it out?"
Real anger appeared in his voice when he replied, "If you're planning something with the children--!"
"Do NOT take that tone with me! And do not be paranoid. Those brats mean nothing to me." I felt another piece of my heart break when I said that. "They are not special enough to warrant more than a glance."
"Yet, you buy them presents."
"Better than giving the money to you. This way, it's useful."
I heard him chuckle. "You are still angry."
"I will forever be angry, Shigure." I adjust myself in my chair and close my eyes behind my dark glasses. "Deal with it! Now leave me in peace."
I had planned to get Shigure back for that disgusting conversation during the New Year's celebration. But a strain of pneumonia had found its way into my already weakened immune system. The feast was held as usual, but I stayed only long enough to see the dance. The rest of the evening was spent in the bathroom, kneeling while vomiting.
Now instead of planning revenge, I am left to plan...other things.
Yes, the specialist and Hatori agree that my current state of illness, coupled with my past episodes does not bode well. More and more I am tired, but do not sleep. More and more I refuse to eat, lest I spend another night in front of the toilet or in the shower.
More and more...I can feel the end drawing near.
But though my end is near, my plan is just beginning.
I have left a special present for my daughter. For little Sachi. Tohru may have sworn secrecy, but I certainly did not. She will, in time, discover whom her real mother is, the one who gave birth to her, and the horrors she went through to keep her safe. She will have access to everything I have left behind, every resource in the family archive so that she will understand. Kureno is to keep all in safe keeping until she comes of age.
I am also leaving a final gift for a few of my jyuunishi. Yuki will gain the freedom he always wanted, as will the cat. I am pained knowing that that creature will be free, but if his jealousy over Tohru's marriage to the mutt can stir up trouble, I'm all for it. I've also left a special apology for Hatori. He's been so kind and devoted over the years. He deserves it. I could not make him happy in this life, but I hope he will find it without me.
My hands are shaky as I write this, my fingers cramping so badly I have to stop nearly every other line until the pain goes away. Perhaps it is time to call it a night. Yes, I think that's best. And when the sun comes up it will be a new day.
I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me, little one. Someday, you will understand. I promise.
~OWARI~
DISCLAIMER:
Fruits Basket is owned by Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project and licensed by FUNimation Productions, Ltd (for distribution in the USA). They own furuba. THEM! Not me! *sigh* All characters are used here without permission. Please do not sue. I have no money, although I would be happy to give away my bills. ^_^
A Fruits Basket Fanfic
Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
The final chapter begins. I'm still interested in doing the follow-up I originally planned, but I'm still unsure about it. It may take a while. SPOILER WARNING for chapters 97/98, 101 and other more recent chapters of the manga. Non-lemon. Told from Akito's point of view. I hope you will enjoy the ending! I'm sure most of you know where this is going anyway. A Standard Disclaimer follows the chapter.
ENTRY #5
I never realized how much I worry.
Before, I thought worrying was for the weak. But after a while, I realized that worrying was not weak. It was human. Something that makes me just like everyone else.
Is it bad that feeling human makes me feel...good?
I am supposed to be a god after all.
My mother's untimely death was a shock to most of the family. The bitch had been a thorn in my side for a long time. My entire life, too long! She was an old woman given to bouts of psychotic periods. The doctor believed it to be from stress and a weak heart.
"What a terrible loss."
"We're so sorry, Akito-sama."
"This house will be a mess without the missus."
"She will be missed."
Missed? A tragedy? HA!
Only I know just how much arsenic the woman has ingested over the last few years.
Even more ironic was that the day of her funeral was a sunny one. I managed to stay glum, frowning enough to make it convincing. Only a few close family members were there, including the self-proclaimed Mabudachi trio. Kureno stayed by my side, and my eyes never left her coffin until the first shovel of dirt was thrown on it. Once the ceremony was over, I left, not wishing to deal with the others and wanting to relish in my newfound freedom.
I went shopping - something I relish with a passion! I bought furniture and decorations to re-organize the woman's room. Kureno saw to the delivery and the execution. By the end of the week, I had a new guest room.
And a few presents for my favorite children.
Well, one of my favorites. But the other benefited, too.
The children came to greet me as they always did, with mother and father in tow. I did not mind Tohru's presence. It was the damn mutt that always got on my nerves. While he was around, I couldn't be...well, myself. My newfound self. The person I wanted to be around my daughter.
Kazuya thanked me for his gift first, bowing politely before turning and running off. The boy was still the spitting image of his father, but the softer features of his face were purely Tohru's. At least her genetics had some influence. His father patted his head, hugging him as they examined his new toy truck together.
I'm almost glad I won't be around to see him grow into a young man. That would just be too painful.
Sachi ran to me and gave me a hug. Rambunctious, that one. I obliged her with a small smile, trying hard not to hold her to me, to touch her longer than was really necessary. I just hope the pain didn't show in my eyes as she turned and ran to Tohru, holding out the doll she had just received. She showed it to her father as well, for which she, too, got a pat on the head.
"These are unexpected gifts," Shigure commented as our meeting drew to a close. "To what do we owe the honor?"
"I wasn't aware I needed an excuse to give presents, Shigure-san." The arrogance in my voice was pure. Who was he to question me anyway?
"They're wonderful," Tohru added. "The children love them."
"Yes," Shigure said in agreement. "That they do."
The next few weeks found me stuck in bed. The fever came and went. The chills did the same. The only thing that didn't change were the fragments of my slowly beating heart that wouldn't pick themselves up and heal.
Unexpected visitors came to see me, too. First Yuki, then Haru and Momiji. Since they were all away at college, I had no thought I would see any of them until the New Year's feast. But vacation had brought them home and news of my ill health had brought them to me.
Luckily I wasn't too much out of character thanks to the damn sickness.
But my fight with illness is far from over, even if the specialist and Hatori concur.
The return of the younger jyuunishi heralded the beginning of summer. It was my idea to have an end of summer party, including a large bash to celebrate the twins second birthday. The beach house was the perfect place. Large enough for all and plenty to do for everyone.
Once the shock wore off, I think they were all very excited.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Akito-san?"
"I'm far from a child, Kureno. I will be fine."
Stepping into the beach house brought back memories not long forgotten. I hadn't returned since the birth of my daughter. Last summer's illness kept me from coming, although many of the jyuunishi spent some amount of time there.
The noise of everyone, including the children, was a different memory though.
I watched them play on the beach every morning until lunch. Everyone would gather for the mid-day meal and then go separate ways until supper. I sat on the terrace, watching Tohru with the children. She was the perfect mother and it showed. Of course, I was jealous, but grateful, too. It was the right amount of reassurance I needed to know that my decision was the right one.
"Are you lonely here, Akito-san?"
"Kureno went into town with Hatori. They'll be back soon." As the summer rays are beating down on the side of the house, I lower my glasses to look at the visitor. "Don't tell me you're bored here, Shigure-san?"
"Must you really be so formal? We are hardly strangers."
"That," I said, lifting my glasses and returning to my previous position in my chair, "is a matter of opinion."
"Don't tell me that you're still angry with me?"
"Why should I be angry, Shigure? Because you betrayed me? Abandoned me? Betrayed me again?" My voice was angry, but not as angry as I had hoped. Perhaps time does heal most wounds. "And what of Tohru? Wouldn't it break her pure, little heart if she knew you'd been sleeping with me while you were courting her?"
I felt the brush of his fingers against my cheek. "How would she find out?"
Hands clutched at the arms of my chair, I retorted, "How, indeed."
"Will you tell her?" His voice was close to my ear, whispering in those old seductive tones.
"Stupid dog," I nearly shouted, batting him away. My hand came into contact with his face, hard. I'm certain the sound echoed to the beach. "Do not presume anything with me."
"Then what will you do?"
I relaxed into my chair again. "You're smarter than me. Can't you figure it out?"
Real anger appeared in his voice when he replied, "If you're planning something with the children--!"
"Do NOT take that tone with me! And do not be paranoid. Those brats mean nothing to me." I felt another piece of my heart break when I said that. "They are not special enough to warrant more than a glance."
"Yet, you buy them presents."
"Better than giving the money to you. This way, it's useful."
I heard him chuckle. "You are still angry."
"I will forever be angry, Shigure." I adjust myself in my chair and close my eyes behind my dark glasses. "Deal with it! Now leave me in peace."
I had planned to get Shigure back for that disgusting conversation during the New Year's celebration. But a strain of pneumonia had found its way into my already weakened immune system. The feast was held as usual, but I stayed only long enough to see the dance. The rest of the evening was spent in the bathroom, kneeling while vomiting.
Now instead of planning revenge, I am left to plan...other things.
Yes, the specialist and Hatori agree that my current state of illness, coupled with my past episodes does not bode well. More and more I am tired, but do not sleep. More and more I refuse to eat, lest I spend another night in front of the toilet or in the shower.
More and more...I can feel the end drawing near.
But though my end is near, my plan is just beginning.
I have left a special present for my daughter. For little Sachi. Tohru may have sworn secrecy, but I certainly did not. She will, in time, discover whom her real mother is, the one who gave birth to her, and the horrors she went through to keep her safe. She will have access to everything I have left behind, every resource in the family archive so that she will understand. Kureno is to keep all in safe keeping until she comes of age.
I am also leaving a final gift for a few of my jyuunishi. Yuki will gain the freedom he always wanted, as will the cat. I am pained knowing that that creature will be free, but if his jealousy over Tohru's marriage to the mutt can stir up trouble, I'm all for it. I've also left a special apology for Hatori. He's been so kind and devoted over the years. He deserves it. I could not make him happy in this life, but I hope he will find it without me.
My hands are shaky as I write this, my fingers cramping so badly I have to stop nearly every other line until the pain goes away. Perhaps it is time to call it a night. Yes, I think that's best. And when the sun comes up it will be a new day.
I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me, little one. Someday, you will understand. I promise.
~OWARI~
DISCLAIMER:
Fruits Basket is owned by Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project and licensed by FUNimation Productions, Ltd (for distribution in the USA). They own furuba. THEM! Not me! *sigh* All characters are used here without permission. Please do not sue. I have no money, although I would be happy to give away my bills. ^_^