Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ The Butterfly Effect ❯ Sound of Disappointment ( Chapter 10 )

Chapter Summary: 'Compromise' just means that nobody gets what they want.

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

Warning: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

-Chapter 10: Sound of Disappointment-

-Have you ever felt the sound of disappointment?

-It pounds in your head like hammer blows.

-Comes on gentle and smiling.

-And it likes to leave a scar before it goes.

-Eurythmics, "Here Comes That Sinking Feeling"

Tohru can't stop shaking. She buries her head in her hands, hoping that somehow this will stop the pounding in her temples. She hears the door open and raises her head to see Yuki and Kyou sit down on either side of her on the steps.

"I'm not having sex with the rat."

Tohru isn't sure what to say to that.

Kyou runs a shaky hand through his hair. When he speaks again he sounds broken, resigned. "I have no pride when it comes to you, Tohru. I will take whatever you can give me- even if it means sharing you with the nezumi."

Yuki sounds equally defeated. "I have never wanted anyone else. I don't even know how to stop wanting you. I will do whatever it takes to be with you." His shoulders slump forward as if the words have drained him of all energy.

'If I've won, then why do I feel like I lost?'

*You've got what you wanted sweetie. You didn't really expect them to be happy about it, did you? This is definitely a best-case scenario.*

'I don't want them to be unhappy with me!'

*Any way that you went someone was going to be hurt. Why don't you show them that this doesn't have to be bad?*

Ignoring the graphic, three-way images that Butterfly is sending her, Tohru realizes that Butterfly has made a good suggestion. She wraps an arm around Kyou, pulling his head in to rest on her shoulder. She uses her other hand to push an unresisting Yuki on to her lap. The words that come are a mixture of her thoughts and the butterfly's maturity. "I don't expect you to do anything with each other or with me with the other around. I know how unhappy you both must be, but I promise that I will spend a lot of time with each of you. I have put you both in a very bad situation, but I will let you decide how you want that situation to work. If I can be with both the people I love, I don't care how it works. If there is anything I can do to make this better for you, let me know. Tell me if you aren't happy. I love you both so much and I just want us all to be happy."

Yuki's face is now pressed against her stomach and Kyou's lips are brushing the hollow of her neck. It should cause an ache of arousal, but instead Tohru only feels a desperate need to comfort them, to show them that this really can work.

*Let me touch their minds. I can give them some of the peace that I give you when you are upset.*

Tohru feels Kyou's body loosen, sees Yuki's face go slack. She can see how easy it would be to tweak their minds, to push them into doing what she wants. The thought sickens her. 'Stop! Not like this- not ever like this.' It is too late. The horrifying memory of Kureno flashes in her mind.

-He is mine, as they all are, little girl. Why are you so upset? I'm not hurting him- only making him move, making him talk. I may have no animal to call, but I am God. So what do gods control Tohru? Very good. Gods control people. The cursed will always have me in their minds, as long as they don't go too far away. And why would they? I am their god and they all love me. Don't you rooster? That's right- nod for me. I may not always touch other people's minds, but I can make a simple, short-term bond in them. Would you like me to touch your mind, Tohru? Would you like me to show you what the power of a god feels like?-

'No. No. I am not Akito! I'm not!'

She has pushed away from the suddenly tense boys and is curled in a little ball on the porch rocking back and forth.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.... I didn't mean to control you...."

*You couldn't touch their minds unless they wanted you to. Snap out of it! You're scaring them!*

'Don't you dare to talk to me! Monster!'

It is like half her mind has suddenly shut off. Tohru can no longer feel Butterfly. She raises swollen, tear-filled eyes and, sure enough, the boys are hovering over her looking completely terrified.

Yuki's voice is hardly more than a whisper. "Tohru... what's going on?"

Tohru starts to rock again- the boys seem unsure whether or not they should touch her, their hands darting back and forth above her shoulders. "I can't tell you. I can't. Please, please don't ask me. I'm so, so sorry. I swear I will never hurt you. I didn't mean to- I'm not her. I'm not." She's verging on hysteria now, her breath coming in great choking sobs.

"Oh gods, Tohru."

Kyou has wrapped his arms around her waist and is pressing light kisses to her temple. Yuki has one arm under her shoulder blades and is using his other hand to stroke her cheek.

"No more questions, Tohru, I promise. I don't know why you think you were hurting us just now, but I know that I- I wanted you in my mind then. I wanted to feel that connection that I felt when we kissed, just to know that it wasn't an accident, that you actually felt something for me."

Kyou stops kissing her to raise his head and meet her eyes. "I don't know what you mean by controlling, but I also wanted to feel our animals touching again. I hate having to share you, Tohru but I would much rather share you than not have you at all. Stupid girl- you've never hurt me. I don't think you even know how to. Please stop crying. I can't handle crying."

Kyou looks so comically pathetic that Tohru chokes out a hiccupping half-laugh half-sob. She's not hyperventilating anymore, and she leans into the boys, letting their steady heartbeats calm her back down.

They all sit in silence- Kyou feathering light kisses over her head while Yuki brushes his hand over her face and neck. Somehow, Tohru can dimly feel their auras in the back of her head and she realizes what Butterfly said was true- she couldn't have touched the boys' minds unless they were willing to let her in. She would like to stay longer here in the comfort of their embrace, but it is starting to get cold and the last thing that she wants to do is to get anyone sick. It is time to go back inside and move on with life.

She's still shaky, there are drying tear tracks on her cheeks and she really needs to blow her nose, but there is something that she has to do first. "I'll come into the house with you two in a minute, but first I need a little time to myself. I'm so very sorry about all of this."

Kyou and Yuki both get up and stand beside her. Kyou speaks first. "You were right you know- there wasn't any way you could have picked one of us without hurting all of us. It's just going to take some time to get used to it, that's all."

Yuki places a hand on her shoulder before he goes in. "I've had Akito in my head before Tohru. I won't ask you what happened, but I want you to know that what you did was nothing like that."

Then they are both gone and Tohru is left alone with her ominously silent mind.

'Butterfly?'

Silence.

'I know what I said was wrong- you're not a monster. I've just been so confused and scared.... I don't know what's happening to me anymore.'

Silence.

'I never meant to hurt you, but the boys mean everything to me. If I ever did anything to them like what Akito did to Kureno....'

Silence.

'I'm sorry.'

*Well, at least you've learned when to apologize.*

'I really am sorry.'

*Then give me my three-way action, damn it!*

'Well I'm glad you're feeling better- but it's not going to happen.'

*I think I liked you better when you thought I was evil.*

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Reviewer Responses

Runic: Yes- I'm doing a lot better now- thanks for asking :) I will now be able to be an updating machine! Poor, poor Tohru really doesn't seem to be used to dealing with hormones and it's only going to get worse -laughs evilly-. I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story and I really enjoyed reading your review.

-Updated 12-02-04-