Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ The Ceremony of Innocence ❯ Where the Razor's Been ( Chapter 8 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

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The Ceremony of Innocence
a Fruits Basket fanfic by Ysabet MacFarlane (ba087@chebucto.ns.ca)

Chapter Eight: Where the Razor's Been [8/10]
********

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Approximately two years later
*************************

Tohru jerked awake when Yuki cried out beside her, a piercing child's call that
had her reaching for him in the dark despite the training of years.

"Akito!" He was sitting up, breathing hard and shaking, but awake enough to
catch her hands and keep her from triggering his transformation. "Not a
nightmare," he explained as he held her still. For once, not a nightmare.

"What is it?"

"Akito's dying." He was as certain of it as he had ever been of anything. He
wanted desperately to feel triumph, or pleasure, or anything but the fear and
grief that were threatening to choke him. *Family is the strangest thing,* he
thought as he released her hands and got out of bed. "I have to go to him."

"Why?" Tohru's voice was as soft as the darkness.

"The family Head is dying, and all of the Jyuunishi have to be there." He was
pulling clothes on while he spoke. "It's in our blood. I can feel him needing
me with him."

" . . . dying?" she repeated, as the weight of what he was saying hit her.
"What's happened, why--"

"I don't know. He's been sick lately, but Hatori kept saying he'd be fine with
treatment . . . " Down the hall they could both hear Shigure's door open, and
then there was an urgent knocking on their door. "I know," Yuki called. "I'm
coming." He turned back to Tohru and bent to kiss her. "I have to go. We'll
be home when we can."

She had never seen him so agitated, could do nothing but nod. "Come home
safely."

********
"hurt yourself today
it's that way
again
there on the floor
passed out
ripped up
flesh"
-- Tori Amos, "Blood Roses" improv. (October 10, 1999 Salt Lake City)
********

Over the next hour all of the Jyuunishi drifted in, in varying states of
grogginess and anxiety. Kagura and Rin arrived last, tense and dressed formally
in kimono. Rin had braided all of her hair into a single plait and pinned it
tightly against her scalp; when they entered the room and her eyes fell on
Akito, one hand drifted up and touched the braid as if making sure it was
secure. As their kin had, the two came to the foot of the bed and bowed deeply.

"We have felt your pain and come to you, Akito," Kagura said formally.

Akito barely acknowledged them, only a slight wave of his fingers gesturing them
away. His eyes were bright with fever and pain; he lay with his head in
Kureno's lap and shivered. He didn't look desperately ill, but the imminence of
his death vibrated down all of the Jyuunishi's spines. Helpless glances
flickered among them.

"What's _wrong_?" Kisa finally asked, pitching her voice low to avoid disturbing
him. "I saw him outside a few days ago, and he looked fine."

Hatori grimaced. "I wish I knew. I've done everything I can think of, and the
fever just isn't responding to the usual treatments. He's forbidden me to move
him to a hospital or call in another doctor." He set a hand gently on Akito's
head.

"You're usually more competent than this, Hatori." Akito spoke up abruptly,
sounding more coherent than his family had expected.

"I'm sorry, Akito." The regret in Hatori's voice was genuine, and it betrayed
no hint of the mixed feelings he shared with the others. The apprehension in
the room was almost unbearable as the star around which they orbited flickered
and dimmed.

"Liar," Akito rasped painfully. Hatori bowed his head.

"You know I don't lie to you, Akito."

"I don't want to die alone."

Shigure came to kneel by the bed, taking an icy hand in his. "We're all with
you, Akito-san."

Akito chuckled, a dry, bitter sound. "That's not what I meant." He lifted his
head from Kureno's lap, fresh sweat breaking out on his forehead with the effort
as he used Shigure's arm to drag himself into a sitting position. "Hatori,
there's a knife on the top shelf of that bookcase." He gestured slightly.
"Bring it to me." The doctor obeyed in silence, and Akito slowly wrapped his
fingers around the hilt. "Are you with me, Shigure? Would you come down into
the dark with me?"

"I would, Akito-san." Shigure replied without hesitation, but his shoulders
were suddenly very tense. Behind him, Hatori and Ayame exchanged quick,
frightened glances.

A very small smile creased Akito's face. "But my successor will need you, I
suppose. The next Dog might not be so . . . loyal." He turned his head slowly
to survey the room. The Jyuunishi sat frozen under his gaze until, with an
abrupt flick of his wrist, he sent the knife spinning toward Rin.

"Will you come with me into the dark, Isuzu?" His voice was suddenly very soft
with malice. Rin stared back at him, hardly breathing. "Don't you want to die,
Isuzu? Use your worthless life to make me happy as I die?" A faint sound of
pain came from the other side of the room as she spoke. Neither Rin nor Akito
acknowledged Haru's voice. "You're not good for anything else," Akito
whispered. "Pick it up." Rin's hand crept obediently to the knife lying on the
floor in front of her.

"Akito--" Haru began, but Akito cut him off without looking away from Rin.

"You will not interfere, Hatsuharu. I'm leaving you a gift. Without her you
can focus on something more worthwhile. You could take up flower arrangement or
some such." Sweat was running freely down his face now, the fever raging
unchecked through his body. "Now, Isuzu, I think cutting your wrist would be
the most entertaining. Slowly, though. And don't pretend you don't know the
correct way to do it." He took a labored breath, leaning on Shigure as he
watched Rin lay the edge of the blade lengthwise along her left arm, lining it
up below her ring finger.

Rin had gone so pale that her veins stood out in stark contrast to her skin.
Slowly, as instructed, she began to apply pressure. A thin line of crimson
welled around the metal. One tear made its way down her cheek, then another.
Her eyes were glassy with fear. Akito made an encouraging sound, and she pushed
harder. The blood ran down her arm and began to drip onto the floor. "Slowly,
Isuzu." It was a steady trickle now, pooling under her, but not yet pumping out
as it would when she opened the artery. Exhausted, Akito pushed away from
Shigure and lay back against Kureno, trembling with the effort. For a long
moment, the only sounds in the room were his breathing and Kisa's barely audible
weeping in the corner.

Freed of Akito's gaze, Rin turned her head slightly to look at Haru. His face
was stricken as he watched her, but her expression stilled into something like
peacefulness under his eyes.

"A bit harder now," Akito said. His voice was losing strength; he no longer
sounded terribly interested in what Rin was doing. Yuki, looking from Rin to
Haru and back, stood slowly and made his way to the bedside. He sat down
carefully, gesturing for Shigure to move away.

"Akito," he whispered, trying to catch the Head's attention. "Akito, let her
stop. Please." The real grief that was continuing to bewilder him spilled into
his voice. "Don't make us mourn both of you, Akito. Losing you will be hard
enough." Akito tried to lift his head, but failed. He peered up into Yuki's
face, his eyes unfocused. The heat pouring off his body was making Yuki sweat.
"Please stop her."

"Yuki." Akito smiled slightly.

"I'm here, Akito." The smell of Rin's blood was making him queasy, his nose too
sharp for him to ignore it. He hesitated, then stretched out on the bed beside
Akito, wrapping his arms around him. He saw Kureno's hand clench, and ignored
him. "Stop her. I'm with you."

"Yuki," Akito repeated vaguely. "Stop . . ?" He had passed into delirium.

"Ri-- Isuzu." They were both shaking, with fever and fear. "Let her live,
Akito. For me."

Akito blinked slowly. "Isuzu. Live, Isuzu."

They were the last words he uttered. A moment later he had slipped into
unconsciousness. Yuki lay still, afraid to move, while Akito's breathing became
more erratic and eventually stopped. Kureno took a slow, shaking breath, but
Yuki didn't sit up until Hatori spoke.

"It shouldn't have taken him so fast," Hatori murmured, taking the cooling wrist
between his fingers and checking ritually for a pulse. Yuki edged away from the
body, then hesitated. He turned back and carefully kissed Akito's forehead in
respect.

"Thank you, Akito," he said. He met Kureno's eyes briefly, and turned to look
at the rest of his family. Rin hadn't moved at all, the knife still in her arm
but no deeper than it had been. Her muscles were visibly standing out with
tension. The slowly-spreading puddle of blood looked frightening, but Hatori
was too calm for it to be a life-threatening loss.

"The Head of the Sohmas is dead," Hatori said quietly. "Shigure, go tell the
family." Shigure nodded and headed for the door, pausing only to glance at Rin.
As always, his face was inscrutable; for her part, she showed no sign of
noticing his regard. The door closed heavily behind him.

********
"Go to bed
the priests are dead
Now no one can call you bad
Go to bed
The priests are dead
Finally you've found it
let it out
Who could ever say you're not simply wonderful?
Who could ever harm you?
Sleep now."
--Tori Amos, "Merman"
********

Haru was on his knees beside Rin before anyone else could move. She stared at
him as he touched her hand and moved it, easing the blade out of her flesh.
Blood welled faster than before, and he clamped his hand over the cut. Her face
was chalky with shock. "Rin?" She continued to stare. "Rin. Answer me,
lovely girl." Her blood welled up between his fingers, staining his hand. He
turned away in desperation. "Tori-nii . . !" Then the doctor's capable hands
were moving his out of the way, deftly cleaning and examining the wound.

"It's not terribly dangerous, Hatsuharu." Hatori bandaged Rin up with what
struck Haru as excessive calm, and guided his hand back over the wound. "She
cut in the right direction, but on the wrong side to hit the artery. Luckily
she didn't slash the tendons. Keep putting pressure on it. I'll check her
again soon."

"'k." Haru tried to breathe deeply to calm himself, and failed. The sheer
terror of watching Rin cutting herself open was still too overwhelming. He
closed his eyes and pulled her unresponsive body against his, gripping her wrist
so tightly that her hand whitened further. "Rin, sweetheart, answer me. Talk
to me. Tell me to go away if you want. Please, lovely girl. Come on." He
lost track of what he was saying, urgently repeating endearments that she had
long ago forbidden him to utter again. He stopped being aware of their family's
eyes, of the cooling body of their god, and focused entirely on Rin's rigid
stillness as he rocked her.

Finally she stirred against him, and he braced himself for her inevitable
pulling away. "Haru." Her voice was hoarse with misery as she sat up and
turned to look at Akito's body. "Akito's dead."

"Yes." He tucked her hair behind her ear, accidentally leaving a streak of her
own blood on her face. She drew a long, shuddering breath, her expression
reflecting the conflicted blend of relief and sorrow that was weighing on all of
them. "He won't hurt you again."

"Or you," she replied, finally meeting his eyes. "You're all bloody, Haru. You
should go wash up."

He laughed shakily. "Are you kidding? This is the first time you've let me
touch you in years." He threw the reminder out deliberately, needing her to
pull away at once if she was going to, before he wouldn't be able to let her go
again.

"Almost four years," she whispered. Around them the other Jyuunishi were slowly
vacating the room, politely averting their eyes. He caught a glimpse of
Momiji's intent gaze, and then of Kagura dragging him out as easily as if he
hadn't grown almost a foot taller in the last couple of years. Kisa hesitated
beside them for a moment, her face streaked with tear tracks, and laid a light
hand on each of their heads before leaving. Haru was only dimly aware that Yuki
stayed behind with them, that Kureno hadn't moved from his place on the bed.
Rin bit her lip, exhausted tears of her own welling up. She searched his face
uncertainly.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Why do you still look at me like that?" she choked out. The vulnerability in
her eyes made his heart ache.

"Like what?" As if he didn't know.

"Like you love me." She shook her head violently before he could say, 'Because
I do'. "Don't you know I'm broken, Haru?"

He touched her face again, incredulous. "Broken? You?" He didn't try very
hard to keep himself from bending to kiss her cheek, which led naturally to
kissing her forehead. "You're the strongest person I know. Being scared
doesn't change that." She stared up at him, tears running freely down her
cheeks and streaking the blood his fingers had left. He held very still while
she fought with herself. When she pressed against him instead of fleeing to
weep in private, he wondered if she thought she had won or lost.

He was vaguely aware of Yuki watching them while Rin cried. Only when she began
to quiet did Yuki stand up and silently make for the door. As Kisa had, he
placed his hands on their heads before he left. After a while, Rin lifted her
head from Haru's shoulder and looked up at him, her eyes still shadowed with
uncertainty.

"I'm home."

His arms tightened almost convulsively around her. "Welcome home, love." He
hesitated a moment, then took her hand and pressed it over his heart, leaving a
bloody smear on his clothes. "Don't leave again." He buried his face in her
hair. "You're my heart, just like you said you wanted to be."

"I thought you had a bad memory, Haru," she murmured.

"I remember the important things." He sighed and straightened up. "Want to go
wash?"

"Yes." She tried to stand and sank back down with a hiss of pain. At his
worried look she grimaced. "My legs are all cramped up."

"All the more reason to get you into a warm bath," he said, lifting her with him
as he stood. With her supported against him, they turned as one to look at
Akito's body. Rin took a halting step toward the bed, her eyes wide with an
emotion Haru couldn't decipher. He helped her to the bedside, and they gazed
down in silence, not meeting Kureno's eyes. Hatori had straightened Akito's
limbs and folded his hands, but there was no illusion of sleep. The aura of
menace that had always identified him in the Jyuunishi's minds had dissipated,
leaving only a pitiful, small form.

Rin made a soft sound and lifted her hand to the bandage on her wrist, which was
red with the blood that had soaked through. She tugged at one edge of it until
it came loose, letting a thin trickle of blood run freely. Before Haru could
question her, she brought it up to her mouth. When her lips were gleaming with
it, she bent over and kissed Akito's forehead, leaving a clear scarlet imprint
on the colorless skin.

"Goodbye, Akito."

********

In the hallway, Yuki found Kagura and Momiji waiting for him. Momiji
immediately sprang up and caught his arm, tugging him toward an empty room.
"Yuki, we don't have a Head at the moment. So there aren't any commands binding
us."

Yuki stared blankly at them. "Right."

"We want to let Kyo-kun out," Kagura said calmly.

"We're pretty sure there isn't a reason for keeping him there other than
tradition," Momiji added. "I vote we change tradition."

Kagura nodded, sliding the door mostly closed and leaning against it.

Yuki gazed at them, processing the idea. For a moment, the thought of sharing
Tohru again burned unpleasantly in the bottom of his stomach. And then it
didn't matter, the selfish impulse swept aside by the thought of her joy. "All
right. What'll we do?"

Momiji looked thoughtful. "If enough of us agree on it, then the rest of the
family probably won't fight us. Then we just have to keep the next Head from
reverting to the tradition."

"You're talking like we can _make_ the Head do something, Momiji," Yuki pointed
out. "What if we can't?"

"Then we'll deal with that when it happens," Kagura said sharply. "But I'm not
leaving Kyo-kun in there. Kisa will go along with us, so Hiro will. Isuzu and
Haru-chan will. Ri-chan will as long as your brother doesn't argue too
strongly. Even without him that's a majority."

"I'm in," Yuki said. "I'll have to tell Tohru first, though."

Kagura shot him an odd look, but nodded. "Ok. Go do that--actually, it might
be best if you went for him when you get back." A sound in the hallway
attracted her attention and she stepped out to take a look. She came back
quickly, smiling. "Isuzu and Haru-chan."

"How does Rin look?" Yuki asked, worried.

"Other than the blood and looking like she hasn't had a proper meal in years,
better than I've seen her since they broke up. That says good things to me."

Yuki ducked past her and into the hall to look for himself. Haru and Rin were
almost to the other end, but moving slowly. He turned back to Kagura and
Momiji. "I want to make sure Rin's ok, and then I'll head home to tell Tohru."
He walked quickly down the length of the hall to catch up. "Haru!"

They both turned to face him, and something tense in his heart relaxed at the
sight of them. Kagura was right: Rin did look far better than he had ever seen
her, since he had started paying attention. He quickly outlined Kagura and
Momiji's proposal to them. Haru nodded at once. "Of course we're getting him
out."

"I'm going to tell Tohru, and then I'll be back."

"Sounds good," Haru said, glancing down at Rin. "We'll be around." He was
holding her so close that Yuki wondered how she could breathe, but she looked so
peaceful that he could only assume she was all right. Impulsively, he stepped
close to them and hugged them both.

"I'm glad, you two."

"Us too," Haru said simply. "You'd better get going so we can get Kyo out
before anyone interferes."

"Right." Yuki turned and headed for the closest exit, trying to figure out
exactly what he was going to say to Tohru.

********

On his way out, he ran into Hatori, who was listening to Kagura's explanation of
what they planned to do. The doctor's face was carefully blank while she spoke;
when she was done, he sighed. "It's a good thought, Kagura--"

"There's no 'but'," she said flatly, glancing at Yuki for support.

"Have you seen him since he was locked up?" Hatori asked quietly.

"No," she replied. "Akito specifically told me to stay away from him."

"Same here," Yuki added.

"As far as I'm aware, I'm the only one of us who's been able to talk to him,"
Hatori said. "We won't interfere, but it may be more difficult than you think."

"Fine."

"On your heads be it, children," Hatori said quietly.

********
"I am older than I once was
and younger than I'll be--
that's not unusual.
No it isn't strange
after changes upon changes
we are more or less the same.

In the clearing stands a boxer
and a fighter by his trade
and he carries the reminders
of every glove that laid him down or cut him
'til he cried out in his anger and his shame
'I am leaving, I am leaving'
but the fighter still remains."
-- Simon and Garfunkel, "The Boxer" (Bridge Over Troubled Water)
********

The room was almost completely dark when Yuki went in, noticing that the door
wasn't actually even locked. In the dimness it looked almost exactly as he
remembered it, with its simple furniture and the bars on the single window. *He
could have walked out any time, if only he hadn't been ordered to stay.*

"'lo, rat." A deep shadow on the bed resolved itself into his cousin as Kyo sat
up, eyes glittering at him. "What brings you here?"

"Akito's dead, Kyo." There, it was in the open.

"I know. And?"

"And there's no Head of the family until another child is born. None of us will
keep you in here."

"Who's 'us'?" There wasn't even a flicker of interest in Kyo's voice. Yuki
felt something cold settle around his heart. Could only two years--not that two
years could be discounted, but it was so little of Kyo's remaining life--have
changed him so much?

"All of us. None of the Jyuunishi want you in here."

Kyo chuckled, the sound an awful parody of the voice Yuki remembered. "The rest
of the family might have a problem with their living sacrifice wandering away.
And even if they don't, the next Head will put me back in here." He stood up
and came closer. "If I walk out of this room and have to come back I'll die,
rat." There was no dramatic flare to his statement, only hard fact. "I don't
care much if I do, but I don't want someone else to have to live like I am."

"Someone will eventually, if nothing changes."

"I can put it off." Yuki heard the sharp intake of breath as Kyo scented him,
the softest sound of pain. "You smell like her."

Yuki smiled in spite of himself. "When we told her I was coming, she wore my
clothes for an hour before making me put them on. She wants you to know that
she wants you home."

With no warning, Kyo grabbed his hand. "And what do you want?"

Yuki twisted his hand loose and caught Kyo's wrist in turn, clicking the beads
of his bracelet together. Before he could change his mind, he pulled Kyo
against him, aware that for most of their lives the gesture would have been
unthinkable. "I want Tohru to be happy," he said. "And I don't want my family
in here. We're going to change it, Kyo. We're not going to let the new Head
grow up like Akito."

"Don't do this because she wants you to," Kyo muttered against his shoulder.

"I'm not." Yuki kept a firm grip on Kyo's shoulders and backed toward the door.
Kyo moved with him for several steps but then stopped dead. "We can send
someone to get anything you want to keep," Yuki said.

"There's nothing," Kyo replied. He started to shake as Yuki tugged at him,
trying to get him moving. His heart began to pound so hard that he felt dizzy.
He took a step and froze again. "I can't do it."

Yuki scowled. "Akito's orders should be losing their strength by now."

"Maybe they are. But, rat, d'you understand, I haven't been outside in two
years."

"You used to prefer being outside if you could get out of the weather. You said
being in the house too long made you nervous."

"I've changed," Kyo hissed. He broke away from Yuki and retreated to the center
of the room.

"I'm still taking you out of here," Yuki said flatly.

"How?" Kyo stood rigid for a moment and then fell into a defensive stance.
"Are you going to force me out, rat? I haven't had much to do in here but get
stronger."

It was probably true, Yuki thought as he moved closer. Kyo was radiating a
desperate strength, his muscles moving smoothly as he shifted his weight. Yuki
himself had had little need to spar seriously since graduating, with Kyo no
longer challenging him at every opportunity. He and Haru had spent two years
working out against each other regularly, but their friendly practice didn't
have the same edge as Kyo's determined assaults.

"Listen, Kyo--"

"What're you gonna do, rat? Are you going to beat me and carry me out?"

Yuki froze, hearing more in Kyo's tone than he was supposed to. Under the
bravado, Kyo was afraid of exactly that. *I was worried that he would hate me
more than ever for injuring him like that, but . . . * Hatori's flat recitation
of the damage he'd done rang in his ears as if no time had passed.

*Over half of his body is badly bruised, especially his sides and throat. Left
ankle sprained. Severe concussion. Eight cracked ribs. Broken jaw. Compound
fractures in his collarbone and arm. Some internal injuries that ought to heal
. . . *

To this day he was bewildered that Tohru had forgiven him. "No, I'm not." The
wariness on Kyo's face, the imperfectly concealed fear, struck a chord with him.
"I'm going to keep asking until you come with me." He tried to smile. "_I'm_
not explaining to Tohru why I had to come home without you."

"Where--" Kyo's voice cracked. "Where is she?"

"With the others, waiting for me to bring you."

Kyo eyed him uncertainly. "Why did you come?"

"I wanted to see you first," Yuki said evenly.

"Why?" Kyo repeated. "To make sure I didn't interfere with the two of you?"

"No, damn it!" As he spoke, Yuki realized he was telling the truth. "Kyo,
please." He held out his hand. "It'll be easier once you get outside. And
she's waiting for you."

Something in the tense way Kyo stood told Yuki clearly that his cousin would
have gladly bolted if there had been anywhere to go other than where Yuki wanted
him to. They stood facing each other while the minutes ticked by. After far
longer than Yuki was comfortable with, Kyo took a hesitant step. "Easier, huh?"
he muttered. Another step. Then he froze again, although this time Yuki could
see him fighting it. "It's just outside." He moved quickly then, as if to
overcome the compulsion in one movement, and Yuki kept close while he moved. In
the doorway Kyo halted again, turned to look at Yuki with a strange wildness in
his eyes. His pulse was visible in his throat. "Just outside, right, rat?"

"Right."

"Yuki. D'you remember what I asked you when we were fighting that last time?"
Yuki's stomach clenched, not needing to wonder what Kyo meant. *I'd rather take
a few minutes to die . . . * He nodded. "If . . . " Kyo seemed to be having
trouble getting the words out. "If the next Head . . . will you . . ?"

"If that's what you really want," Yuki managed to reply.

Kyo's eyes flickered with something that might have been amusement. "Oh, it's
what I'd want," he said quietly. "Ok, then." He moved to take the step that
would carry him through the doorway, and his eyes rolled back in his head.

Yuki barely moved fast enough to catch him when he fell, got his hand under his
head before it hit the ground. For a moment he felt the erratic speed of Kyo's
heartbeat before it began to settle, as his body seemed to realize it was
unconscious. He picked his cousin up carefully and took him outside into the
small garden that the cell overlooked. "It'll be ok, Kyo," he said quietly. He
settled the cat's still form on the ground and ran to call for the others.

********

Fruits Basket is the creation of Takaya Natsuki, and is licensed in North
America by FUNimation (anime) and Tokyopop (manga). Used without permission or
the intention of making a profit. Please support the original work!

"The Ceremony of Innocence" © 2004 by Ysabet MacFarlane (ba087@chebucto.ns.ca).
Edited by Alishya Lane.

Comments and criticism welcomed at the above address.

Full author's notes available at (http://bounce.to/ysabet)

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