Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Ways To Drive the Fruits Basket Characters Crazy ❯ A Guide To Annoying Kyo ( Chapter 1 )

“You kitty. But CUTE kitty. Make boar-person go: whaaaaaa.”

“Hello, doctor? Yes, how much does a de-clawing procedure cost?...”

One of these days, when he's coming up the walk, yell: “Here, Kitty-kitty Kyonkichi...”

Two words: Water Balloons.

One word: Hose.

Put catnip in his tea.

Get a pet mouse.

Catch a cold. A contagious one.

Watch anime.

Insist, when you run off into the forest to play “My Neighbor Totoro”, that he participate.

Brag on Yuki.

Hug him....if you dare.

Y'know that kids' book, “Pet the Kitty.”? Your own personal secret weapon.

Take a feather and tie it on a piece of string. Hang this in the doorway to his bedroom.

The next time his temper destroys something, say “Baaaad kitty! Use your scratching post!”

Read him “Get Fuzzy” from the morning paper. Use his name in place of “Bucky”.

“You kitty. But CUTE kitty. Make snake-person go: whaaaaaa.”

Tie him up, duct -tape his eyes open, his mouth shut, and watch Hamtaro for 5 hours straight.

 

Shigure: “Now that's just cruel.”

He isn't home, and besides nobody has the guts to do that...

 

Make an announcement that “that orange tabby tomcat” hanging around had better be fixed if the Sohmas plan on keeping him as a pet.

 

“That, too, is very cruel.”

Yes, but also very funny...

 

Play 50's music.

Rap works well, too.

Put a leek next to his head while he's sleeping.

Fix something with leeks in it, but take out the leeks before you serve it.

Under cover of darkness, wake up Ayame and sneak him into Kyo's room.

For breakfast: Leek and miso pancakes! If he doesn't want any suggest opening some Friskies tm. Leek flavor, of course.

Get a cat.

Or a dog.

Or better yet...A SNAKE!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Maybe a frog, too....

“Kagura an' Kyo, sittin' in a tree.....”

“Y'know who you act just like?” If you haven't seen Spirited Away*, just skip this one. “Yubaba!!”

Or better still, “The Radish Spirit!” * Watch it. It's really good.

Show him this fanfic.

Read romance novels—aloud—outside his bedroom window.

Sometimes cats sleep like rocks. Get out your makeup when this opportunity arises.

He rants and raves sometimes. When he starts, tell everyone to “remain calm.”

Another thing to do is say: “Somebody needs a hug.” and glomp him, whatever that means.

Make up a theme song for him.

Sing it at dinner or whenever he enters a room.

Never, ever call him anything shorter than Kyon-kyon.

 

 

 

We're very sorry to report that just as the author was typing the period on that sentence, Kyo himself accidentally found this fanfic on an anime website and exacted his revenge on her. She promises to write another chapter soon. And by “soon” we mean “once she finishes the long, hard road to recovery”.

Sincerely, The Censor Guys.