Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ What's Left Unseen ❯ 7th Testimonial ( Chapter 7 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world's many coincidental mysteries. Earlier chapters are available via Fanfiction.net and Mediaminer.org

March 14, 2005

What's Left Unseen: Seventh Testimonial

By Ina-chan

This is stupid.

Look… I understand that you need to know what happened. I respect that, believe me. But why the hell do I have to tell it this way?

What do you mean why not?

It's stupid…it's unnatural! It's screwed up!

Where did you get this psychology crap anyway? If something makes you angry, you get pissed off! That's all to it! THAT'S what's natural! Geez… just talking about this already pisses me off. I don't want to feel fucking detached and fucking non-judgemental. I WANT to be angry! Goddamit! I'm FURIOUS! I have every right to feel what I feel after what that damned rat did!

Shit.

Fine, we'll do it your way. But there's no way in hell that I'm not going to be fucking “detached” from anything, you hear?

/Round One:

On the orange corner --- XXXXX XXXX, on the grey corner --- XXXXX XXXX

Most points in five minutes or first three full points win

Ready? START!/

It's no secret that Yuki and I never really got along since we were little brats. We really hated each other to the point that we can't be in the same room without trying to beat each other up to a bloody pulp. He always won, of course… that damned arrogant rat. What really sucked about the whole thing was that he didn't even have to make an effort to win. No matter how hard I tried or trained or worked --- and I know I worked much harder than him --- he still always won.

It was a contest at first, you know. Tooru… Trying to get her affection. It was childish and selfish. I feel ashamed to admit it… but that's how it first started. That was until I realized who she really---

………

Things turned out differently from how I would have wanted… I don't think he ever told her about it. But without even realizing it, even though I was the one who made that promise… even though he didn't even know who she was… in the end, it was him who ended up stepping forward to help her… back at that time when we were little…

/FULL POINT GREY!

Ready? START!/

Geez… I already forgot all about that and here you go around making me remember it. It's a damned sore spot for me. Him doing something good with something that I threw away. What do you mean `What am I talking about?' You mean he hasn't told even YOU?

………

No…

He never told me. I don't think he ever told anyone about it. I just happened put two and two together about what happened.

No.

I won't tell you. If you want to find out, you go ask him about it yourself.

GOD!

I HATE THIS!

Why the hell do things always to fucking fall in place for that damned rat. Even after years later, against all odds… when we met again… he was the one who found her first. And once again, not knowing who she was, the first person to step out to help her…

…was him…

... that damned Rat!

/FULL POINT GREY! Ready? START!/

It was a complicated situation. It's still very difficult for me to say this, but after all that's happened… specially after “that particular incident”. I think I need to say it aloud, even though it's probably too late. You probably know by now how I felt about…

…her.

<chuckle> You mean you didn't know? Geez! You're even more dense than I give you credit for.

I loved her. I goddamnfucking loved her so much that it hurt. I never told her back then because it was complicated.

What was complicated?

EVERYTHING!

Everything was fucking complicated, from my stupid family, my stupid curse… and me. She was just too… too good for me. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve her. I wasn't even worthy even to imagine the thought that she might feel the same way.

I've…

I've done something that I'm not very proud of. That's why it was impossible back then. It's just as impossible now.

No. I'd rather not talk about it.

I'm sorry.

Even though I loved her, even though I wanted nothing more but to stay by her side… there were things. There were sacrifices. I couldn't…The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt her. That's why I decided to leave. Even if I stayed then, I would only hurt her.

Though it didn't really change anything, did it? After everything was said and done, she got hurt in the end, regardless.

Sometimes, I can't help but think, “what if”.

If I didn't leave, if I didn't run away, if I was there at that time, would she and that damned rat end up becoming close? Would she and that damned rat have fallen in love? Would she have come to me instead of him when her grandfather first started getting sick? Would she…

Shit.

For the third time when she needed help the most… the one who instantly stepped forward to help her was still him.

/FULL POINT GREY!

MATCH POINT!

GREY CORNER WINS!/

I'm sorry… I'm just talking nonsense. Now wipe that look off your face. I hate it when you look at me like that. I don't want to talk about that damned Yuki anymore.

No, I haven't seen him since I heard about what happened. I specifically stayed away from him, even though my first instinct is to run after him and beat him up to a bloody pulp. If I see him right now, I know I'm going to kill him. There's no way I could control myself. But that would only hurt her even more. And I am NOT going to hurt her more than she already has.

I did see her, though… Kagura.

/Round Two:

On the orange corner --- XXXXX XXXX, on the brown corner --- XXXXX XXXXXX

Most points in five minutes or first three full points win

Ready? START!/

The yankee and the denpa woman were standing guard and keeping people away from Tooru. Not that I blame her for not wanting to see anyone associated with the damned rat. Or not wanting to see even me. It didn't stop me from trying to see her anyway. It just so happened that I arrived the same time Kagura came to try to see Tooru that day.

It wasn't a pretty sight.

Everyone used complained about how brutal the fights between Yuki and myself in the past were… but seeing women get into a “real” fight was just downright scary. I barely managed to drag Kagura away just before the Yankee pounced at her to tear her to shreds.

Yeah… it was pretty awkward. Kagura and I didn't really spend much time together since that... since high school. Well, you know... a lot of things happened since then. I guess we just drifted apart.

Though I know the real story behind “that certain episode... Yeah. Haru told me. He was hoping that maybe seeing me would help lift Kagura out of her depression then. You know the story. Things didn't turn out that way, and as usual, that damned rat had to come to the rescue like some kind of prince on a white horse or something. As much as I hate to admit it, he did a damn good job lifting her spirits.

You might say too damn well.

I know what you're thinking. I've thought about it before. But it's only after what happened that I started thinking about it seriously. You know… what would have happened if I didn't drive either of them away? If I accepted Kagura or if I pursued Tooru, would all these miseries have happened?

Don't laugh. Men think about these kinds of things too…

Especially if those `what ifs' and `could have beens' would have kept the people we care about from getting hurt.

[*sigh* “I always knew that you were a bit of an idiot, but I just realize now how big of an idiot you really are.”]

Yeah, you know exactly how my reaction to that was. THE HELL!!!! The nerve of that woman! I wasn't the one did something wrong here. How the hell did I turn up to be the idiot when she was the one who did something idiotic?

[“You matured in many ways, but at the same time you haven't changed at all. You would be much better off if you stopped believing you're a victim of circumstance and everyone becomes miserable because of you. The world doesn't revolve around you, Kyou-chan.”]

/HALF POINT BROWN!

Ready? START!/

It's annoying. Since that day back then, she went back to the habit of calling me that. But in situations like these, it almost seemed as if she was treating me like a child who didn't know better. Of course the world didn't revolve around me? How can she say that? The hell! I was trying to help her and make her feel better dammit! She's the one who got herself into this shit-hole!

[“Maybe things would have been different if you hadn't rejected me, maybe things wouldn't. It would be helpful if I knew beforehand that XXXXX-san was a married psycho then I wouldn't have gone out with him. If that didn't happen, maybe Yun-chan wouldn't have gotten close to me. We can't explain or predict why these things happen. They just do.]

How hypocritical. She lectures me about acting like a victim of circumstance when she also paints herself in the same light. I don't know if things would really have been different if I hadn't rejected her, but it couldn't have been much worse. Look at the men she decided to chase after that! They're all unavailable men, whose lives she destroyed. Did it make her happy being that? Being the so-called “other woman”?

/HALF POINT ORANGE!

Ready? START!/

[*laughs* “ ` The other woman'. I have to admit, now that you put it that way, there is a certain appeal to it in a strangely morbid kind of way. But then again, even with you… I've always been `the other woman', haven't I, Kyou-chan?”]

… … …

/HALF POINT BROWN!

Ready? START!/

[“The only difference, of course, this time, it was completely unintentional and I actually succeeded.]

And I'm sure it makes you feel very proud of yourself for hurting one of your dearest friends.

[“…… ...”]

/FULL POINT ORANGE!

Ready? START!/

[“Yun-chan was unhappy. He didn't want to admit it. He was probably ashamed to admit it because he loved her so much… but he was unhappy. It was painful to watch. He was just accepting everything blindly and was suffering in silence, but despite all that, he still loved her. He still loves her. I wanted to see him happy. It was the least thing I could do for what he did for me.”]

Being with Tooru MADE him unhappy? That's bull! If more than anything, Tooru is the victi---

[“Oh, shut up. You do not have the right to judge the situation like you know exactly what happened, Kyou. You weren't here! You ran away remember? YOU WERE NOT HERE!”]

/FULL POINT BROWN!

Ready? START!/

She never yelled at me like THAT before. Sure she screamed and shouted and threatened physical harm… but she never yelled at me with so much hurt and blame in her voice. I could see now that what she felt for that dam--- for Yuki--- was probably different from that other guy. Probably even more serious that what she felt for me… this was hurting her. If Yuki completely rejects her now, it will hurt her much more than when I did.

For the first time in my life, I actually felt sorry for him.

[*laughs* “In the end, I realize now that this is about you after all. I regretted it, you know. When you rejected me, I wanted to continue fighting but I gave up because I saw how determined you were. But when you didn't pursue Tooru-kun like I thought you would, I regretted it.”]

I have to admit, there was something appealing about Kagura now. She was still headstrong, annoyingly stubborn and frustratingly defiant. But at the same time, there was an air of vulnerability around her that wasn't there before.

[“It's different with Yun-chan. Because now, I know things that I didn't know back then. If it continued on with the way things are with Yun-chan and Tooru-kun, this would have happened eventually. Tooru-kun was lucky that it was with me. Any other woman would simply have taken him away from her without another thought.”]

And that's supposed to be some kind of consolation? What was she trying to say? It's better to be stabbed on the back by your best friend than a stranger? What kind of stupidity was that?

[“I know it sounds selfish but I don't want to live in regret anymore. Regardless of what happens, I'm not going to regret it. I'm going to fight for him. But… Tooru-kun is still my friend. I don't want her to just give him up and regret it later on like I did. So she should know that if she backs down, I will take him away.]

As much as I hated him, I felt sorry to see that damned Rat in the middle of this situation. I'm sure it isn't going to be fun to be treated like a favourite toy being tugged away at opposite ends. Doesn't he get to have a say on what happens since this is all about him?

[“I know he cares for me, but I know that it's her whom he really loves. But you know, no matter how much you love a person, if you don't nurture that love as you should, it will slowly shrivel up, die, and eventually fade away. I just want him to be happy. If he can't be happy with her, then I'll do my best to make him happy with me.”]

… … …

/FULL POINT BROWN!

MATCH POINT!

BROWN CORNER WINS!/

That's what she said. That's what she came to tell her.

I don't think I could ever understand how women think… being cruel and kind at the same time. In a way, I was the same as her, wasn't I? `What ifs' and `could have beens'.

I regret it too. I regretted letting her go because I was afraid.

/FinalRound:

On the orange corner --- XXXXX XXXX, on the pink corner --- XXXXX XXXXX

Most points in five minutes or first three full points win

Ready? START!/

I loved her. I still love her. I know that it may seem like I'm taking advantage of the situation. But tell me upfront and honestly… Is it too late?

/FULL POINT ORANGE!

Ready? START!/

Heh. Yet I sense a `but'.

/FULL POINT PINK!

Ready? START!/

She still loves him, doesn't she?

/FULL POINT PINK!

Ready? START!/

But is she happy?

/HALF POINT ORANGE!

Ready? START!/

Does she regret… about me?

/HALF POINT ORANGE!

Ready? START!/

If I asked now… would she let me be by her side?

/… … …/

… … …

Damn.

/MATCH WITHDRAWN!

DRAW!/

End of Seventh Testimonial

To be continued

AUTHOR'S SQUAWK:

Yay! Thank you very much Adria for beta-ing this chapter and for pointing out stuff that I didn't even notice before! ^_^. I'm really very happy how this chapter turned out. After several months of a dry spell, my Muses started talking again! I can't believe that this particular fic is only one chapter (and an epilogue) away from completion! ^_^. It was so freaking hard to write in Kyou's POV! Next chapter should be easy, since it's going to be Yuki's climactic testimonial! I know you must be wondering why I chose to join Kagura's testimonial with Kyou's instead of making one for herself. Well, if you squint and bend your head side-ways, this chapter sort of hints exactly why. If you haven't figured it out yet, you will on the next chapter! AH! I'm PSYCHED! Are you PSYCHED?! ^_^.

Ja!

Ina-chan