Full Metal Panic Fan Fiction ❯ Breathless ❯ Borders and Boundaries ( Chapter 2 )

Kaname sat awkwardly on the bed, her feet tucked under her all lady-like, and stared anywhere but at the boy standing next to her cluttered desk. The room felt too warm despite the air conditioner buzzing in the window. Water dripped steadily, one drop at a time, from the contraption into its catch basin.

 

 

A light sheen of sweat, left over from the living room, clung to her skin and made her clothes feel damp and uncomfortable. She glanced out the window at the setting sun and self-consciously tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.

 

 

Biting her lip, she looked up at him hesitantly, her gaze guarded. She was relieved to see that he looked as nervous as she felt. He hadn't moved from his position next to her desk and refused to meet her gaze. She saw movement at his side. One of his hands clenched into a loose fist then relaxed; his fingers tapped rhythmically against his thigh instead.

 

 

Clearing her throat nervously, she shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, closer to him, hoping he'd meet her halfway. He didn't.

 

 

“So…um…” She faltered, feeling her cheeks flush from the heat of embarrassment. “Do you have…ah…any experience with this sort of thing?” There was a strong dose of hopefulness in her tone.

 

 

“Negative.”

 

 

His response was cool, clipped. It sounded too regimented to her ears - like he was her lieutenant and she was his drill sergeant. She masked her disappointment and found herself wishing he'd loosen up. It was a very gradual process. They'd made some progress, but not nearly enough.

 

 

Silence ensued. The apartment felt uncomfortably quiet. The lazy hum of the city, the comforting goings on of the outside world, had somehow been lost in the transition between the living room and here. The sound of a dog barking made its way through her window and she found herself wondering if an RK-92 or an M9 were hovering nearby.

 

 

Mao had told her once that dogs had a thing about them, always barked whenever they were around. Her eyes caught a droplet of sweat curling its way down the side of his tanned face; it disappeared somewhere beneath his chin. He didn't make a move to wipe it away.

 

 

“What are you thinking about?” she asked, hoping he'd say something that would soothe her frazzled nerves. She may seem all confidence and assertion at school and when she spoke to him on a normal day, but she was just as insecure as the next girl. Her hands trembled against her bedspread and she deftly hid them beneath her thighs.

 

 

He seemed to relax a little, his shoulders lost that rigid edge at least, but he didn't look her way. His grey eyes were focused on the apartments across from hers, their attention unwavering. It was like he was searching for something. Then, just as easily as that, the spell was broken. He blinked and spoke, his voice easily filling the tiny room.

 

 

“There are two possible sniping positions.”

 

 

He took a step towards the window and clasped his hands behind his back. He slipped into his role like a well worn leather glove. It fit him well and he was used to its embrace. He didn't notice the look of hurt confusion cross her face, which was just as well since she hit it quick.

 

 

Oblivious, he continued: “Also, should we need to escape through the window due to fire, explosion or ambush, the air conditioning unit will be troublesome to remove in a timely fashion. The patio door has been left unlocked in the next room as well, providing easy access to any would be assassins, stalkers, or robbers. There is-,”

 

 

Her tired sigh cut him off and he glanced down at her dejected expression.

 

 

“Nevermind.”

 

 

She looked away, not wanting him to see the disappointment on her features. Her bottom lip was abused by her blunt teeth while she chewed at it in solitude. A part of her had hoped to hear something enlightening, maybe even a little endearing, but instead he'd been himself. Her shoulders tensed around her ears and she inwardly winced at her own presumptuousness. She couldn't exactly hold it against him. He was what he was' she'd accepted it a long time ago.

 

 

“Kaname,” he began seriously, “are you sure you really want to do this?”

 

 

It was about the third time he'd asked. How many times did she have to tell him before he heard her? She was tempted to throw her hands up in frustration but pressed them against her naked thighs instead. Her skin felt clammy and overheated. She couldn't wait to have a cool shower to wash the lingering summer heat off her body.

 

 

“Yeah, I do,” she confessed for the third and hopefully final time. Suddenly a realization hit her like an electric shock and she looked up at him startled. “Do you?”

 

 

He didn't answer at first. She watched the lines of tension around his mouth, the clenching of his fist at his side. Another droplet of sweat snaked its way down his cheek. When an eternity had passed, real time a full minute, she let her gaze fall away and breathed out slowly.

 

 

She really should've known better. When had he ever suggested to her she was anything more to him than a close friend? The word tasted bitter in her mouth and she would have scowled had she not felt so dejected.

 

 

“I'm sorry,” she apologized, guilt weighing heavily in her words.

 

 

She hadn't meant to put him in such an awkward position. She hadn't even thought things through this far ahead. Her mind had been all idealism and romance with no room for reality. It felt too real now, too harsh, and it scared her. The minute hand of her chicken clock ticked loudly in her left ear. She glanced over and took note of the time. It was already past 7. He'd be leaving soon anyhow.

 

 

With a shrug she stood up and smoothed the wrinkles in her shorts. A cool shower later was definitely in order. She hated the late summer heat and the way it clung to her skin. It was too uncomfortable to enjoy and made her long for cool autumn nights.

 

 

She avoided looking at Sousuke as she made her way towards the door. It'd been a mistake to bring him here, to this no man's land. The best thing to do now was return to the living room where it was safe and familiar. The bedroom was beginning to make her feel claustrophobic with all the tension weighing down the air.

 

 

As she stepped by him he didn't spare a glance for her. The feeling of guilt and unrequited affection tasted bitter in her mouth. She needed a drink to wash it down.

Her mind was on the fridge when he grabbed hold of her wrist. His fingers felt warm and heavy when they snaked across her skin to stop her departure.

 

 

Her shoulders fell. She couldn't bear to face the awkward discussion that was sure to follow. Couldn't they just go back to watching TV and lose themselves to the gentle hum of the city? Couldn't they just forget she'd ever been so stupid as to try and ask him to…

 

 

It was no use. Life just didn't work like that. It was never that uncomplicated. Not wanting to drag it out any further, she turned to him and braced herself for the look that would be in his eyes; the soft rejection, the guilt and the something else she could never quite place.

 

 

And then his lips were on hers, pressed against them in a gentle, insistent touch. She blinked at him, her eyes growing wide, but then his other hand slipped around her waist to draw her in close and her surprise melted away. It didn't take much for her to give in to the burning rush.

 

 

Fire coursed through her veins, hot and unforgiving, until it reached the tips of her toes and made her head spin. With her free hand she clutched at the material of his camouflage tee to keep from drowning and felt the ramming pulse of his heartbeat against her fingers. Her own heart was rushing loudly in her ears forcing the rest of the world into the background.

 

 

For the moment the rest of it didn't matter, not the dog barking outside her window or the incessant chime of the clock in the hall announcing it was 7:30. The back of her calf itched again, that same darn spot, but she ignored it, along with the tickle of sweat dripping down the back of her neck.

 

 

It wasn't how she'd envisioned their first kiss but it suited him, sweet and unpredictable. His touch was tender, humble, not demanding anything more than what she was willing to give. It was a far cry from the kiss Leonard had stolen from her on that building rooftop in the rain.

 

 

There are two kinds of women in this world…

 

 

His words echoed loudly in her mind and she stopped the shudder of revulsion that threatened to shake her. She'd always known they were two completely different breeds of men, but this kiss confirmed it. The knowledge made her feel giddy and drunk with relief.

 

 

Sousuke gingerly pulled away, his chest rising beneath her hand with each pull of breath. She glanced up at him, her lips still tingling from his touch, and felt a smile turn the corners of her mouth. He looked positively terrified.

 

 

“Kaname! Forgive me. I-I shouldn't have…”

 

 

She cut him off with the press of her hand against his lips. His words died away and she noticed with a smile that he was still holding her against him, one hand around her wrist, the other around her waist. If he noticed he didn't appear inclined to let go.

 

 

“That was nice,” she confessed of the kiss, a blush rising up once more to tint her cheeks a rosy pink. Her confidence abandoned her then, leaving her stranded amidst the tide of questions slowly creeping up to drown her.

 

 

“It's not what you think,” he confessed suddenly. He looked perplexed as his eyes searched the delicate features of her face. Her brow knit together in confusion. He looked away from her, heaving a frustrated sigh.

 

 

“It's too risky. I can't protect you if I'm unarmed.”

 

 

She glanced past his shoulder at the window, looking thoughtful.

 

 

“Two sniping positions huh? How do we take care of those? Close the blinds?”

 

 

He nodded unsteadily, his movements jerky and uncoordinated like he was unsure of himself. “And move to the floor,” he interjected as an afterthought.

 

 

She shot him a dubious look but slowly nodded her head in agreement and glanced over his other shoulder at her bed. The chicken clock appeared to wink back at her. Her mouth frowned at the printed bedspread that taunted her with its juvenility. With a look of determination she stepped out of his embrace and his hands fell to his sides for lack of anything better to do.

 

 

“Right. Well in that case you take care of the windows and I'll set up the bed on the floor.”

 

 

He nodded slowly, a look of anxious realization coming across his features. He stepped over to the windows, quiet like a cat, and pulled the hanging strings to close the blinds. They snapped shut, instantly blocking out what was left of the tired daylight. An orange glow warmed the room through the translucent coverings and splashed a fresh coat of sunset hue across the walls.

 

 

Kaname slipped the comforter off her bed with quick, concise movements and spread it out overtop the tatami-matted floor in a flourish. She contemplated the way it appeared lonely, spread out there by itself, and hastily tossed her two pillows to the floor to join it. The pillows made a dead sound as they landed in place. The entire setup looked barren and unwelcoming.

 

 

An idea struck her suddenly and she pulled open the closet door. As she reached inside for a second comforter she cast a glance over her shoulder at Sousuke. He was standing with his back to her, apparently mulling over their predicament with the air conditioning unit. She rolled her eyes and snapped the closet door shut.

 

 

“Don't worry about the air conditioner. It's not in there very tight. One good kick and it'll fall three stories to the pavement.”

 

 

Sousuke turned towards her and nodded before hesitantly stepping away. She felt his eyes on her as she fanned out the second comforter to rest atop the first. It looked much cosier now, more like a bed and less like a couple of blankets haphazardly tossed to the floor.

 

 

A moment before the room had felt too small and claustrophobic and now suddenly she was impressed by its cavernous nature. Everything seemed to echo as though there wasn't enough stuff to fill all the space hanging between them. Eager for a distraction she glanced out her bedroom door towards the living room.

 

 

“Oh right! I forgot the patio door!” Without a glance backward she slipped into the hall, her socked feet quiet like a thief against the matted floor.

 

 

With a dull click the patio door was locked tight. She took a moment to glance out the large window at the city below. A couple of cars meandered along the street, a few couples dotted the sidewalk on an evening stroll, just your typical night. The smog from the city had turned the sky fuchsia and rose. That sunset really was beautiful.

 

 

Across the way, just outside her front door Sousuke's apartment lingered. A warm sensation spread outward from her chest as her mind travelled wistfully to the boy waiting for her in the next room. She snapped the hanging blinds closed and tip toed to the kitchen to grab a couple of drinks; iced tea for herself, water for him. He only ever drank water.

 

 

She walked back towards the bedroom, the ice cubes in the glasses chinking loudly in the quiet apartment. It felt muted in there now that they'd shut out the light of the setting sun. When she stepped inside the room she noticed that her walls were peach instead of Clementine orange, but the change suited her just fine.

 

 

Pushing at some textbooks hanging off the edge of her desk with the bottom of her glass, she cleared a small space and set it down. The water she held out to Sousuke. He glanced at it briefly before accepting it from her with a gracious nod. She watched as he took a tentative sip and lowered it to his side without putting it down. She caught him glancing at an old test she'd left laying around. He didn't seem surprised to see the almost perfect grade staring back at him.

 

 

The air conditioner clicked off and heaved one last breath before coming to a shuddering halt in the corner. The dog had stopped barking outside too. The silence stretched between them like a deep cavern, one she didn't know how to cross.

 

 

For lack of anything better to do she picked up the iced tea and took a sip. The ice cubes had already melted and left it tasting watered down. She wished she hadn't added so many. She set it back on the desk and glanced towards the window while he thumbed through one of her old history textbooks. They were both doing their best to avoid the big pink elephant standing in the middle of her room, or in this case, the rather suggestively placed make-shift bed on the floor.

 

 

Is it always like this? she wondered and glanced at him with a dubious frown. Sighing in resignation she scratched at the back of her head where the sweat had made her scalp itch and gave him an empathetic look.

 

 

“Look…Sousuke…We don't have to do this. I mean I shouldn't even have asked. If you want to go home that's okay. I'm not going to be mad or anything. We can just forget I ever mentioned it!”

 

 

Her last suggestion was punctuated but a false happy lilt that didn't sound convincing, even to her own ears. She'd hoped her words would've soothed the tension a bit and put him at ease but they seemed to have the opposite effect. His hand fisted at his side again. His voice sounded forced when he spoke, like it took a lot of effort to push the words out.

 

 

“It's not that. Kaname…” he glanced up at her and their eyes met. He still looked scared but frustrated too and there was something else lingering in their cloudy grey depths that she couldn't quite decipher.

 

 

He moved so fast she didn't realize he'd moved at all until his arms were wrapped around her. Her cheek was suddenly nestled against his chest, his heart pounding strong in her ear, and her hands were pressed against the faint dampness of his back.

 

 

His arms held her tight, but not too tight; just enough to feel possessive without being suffocating. It felt nice to have him hold her like this. She wished he'd do it more often. There was no sound at all now except his heart and the rhythm of his uneven breaths in her ear.

 

 

“I've never had someone like you before,” he began, sounding unsure of his words. “I want to help you but I-I don't know how. Tell me where to start Kaname. What do I do?”

 

 

Speechless, she gathered his shirt into her fingers and held him close, breathing in his subtle scent. He smelled clean and fresh despite the heat, like detergent and fabric softener. She closed her eyes, just for a moment, basking in the sense of relief that flooded over her. His hesitation made sense to her now, more keenly than he was probably aware, and she appreciated him all the more for it.

 

 

“Sousuke…Can you…can you get rid of all your weapons?”

 

 

With a wry smile she remembered the mountain of weapons he kept stored on his person at all times. Would he put them away, just this once, for her? She worried her lip nervously, awaiting his response. She felt him nod his head before pulling away.

 

 

“Affirmative.”

 

 

The look in his eyes wasn't tumultuous like it'd been before. He seemed comfortable with the idea of disarming in front of her, a realization which made her heart beat erratically in her chest. She watched attentively as he took out piece after piece and set it atop the clutter on her desk. A flash of yellow entwined with black caught her eye and she stared fixedly at the taser lounging across her math textbook.

 

 

I've used that one before…that night on the rooftop.

 

 

The memories swam back unbidden to haunt her, plucked from the fog of her unconscious. The heavy weight of the soaking wet robe hanging on her shoulders, the fear that felt so strong it made her sick, her erratic, desperate movements and the cold air burning in her lungs. The cold felt so real, even now, that she shivered in spite of herself and rubbed at the goose bumps forming along her arms.

 

 

Finished disarming, Sousuke glanced between her and the pile of weapons sitting between them expectantly. On some level she realized how big a step this was for him, realized it meant that he trusted her enough to do it, but she couldn't pull her mind out of the past. It was stuck there, the memories playing over and over again on a feedback loop. The touch of his hands on her shoulders brought her mind back to the present.

 

 

“Kaname?”

 

 

She shot him an encouraging smile and shook her head, dismissing his concern. The dying summer heat that'd once felt stifling no longer seemed able to warm her. She stumbled forward into him and buried her face against his chest, hiding it from view. His arms settled heavily around her shoulders, pulling her in close.

 

 

She felt his thumb drag slowly across the soft skin of her shoulder in a comforting gesture. The leaky faucet in the ensuite bathroom plinked noisily but went ignored. For a minute at least all she needed was this - him to hold her, to share his warmth, and provide her with the reassuring, tangible proof that it'd all turned out okay.

 

 

When she'd composed herself enough to pull away she glanced away from him embarrassed, thankful that the sunset had filled her room with indigo shadows. She felt her eyes on him, his gaze prodding, invasive. He wanted to ask what was wrong but hesitated, she could feel it in the touch of his fingertips as they swept along her jaw. His thumb whispered across her cheek, pulling away with it a solitary tear she hadn't felt fall.

 

 

“Kiss me,” she breathed suddenly and turned her gaze upwards to meet his.

 

 

It was hard for her to miss the quiet gasp pulled into his lungs or the way his head nodded subtly in response. All she needed was one more kiss to bring her back into the present and make her forget what'd happened that night. Her body leaned forward ever so subtly, craving the feeling of his lips on hers. It yearned for that comforting fire that'd heated her from the inside out and set her heart racing.

 

 

He drew close, his movements painfully slow and deliberate. His hand dropped to settle against her hip, and he bent ever so slightly to bring his mouth within reach. He hesitated before pressing a soft, delicate peck against her lips. Not satisfied with that fleeting touch he returned quickly and captured them again with more confidence than before.

 

 

Kaname rose onto her tiptoes and slipped her arms around his neck so her body could lean against his; warm, solid, comforting. The hand resting against her hip slid slowly across her body and hooked under her knees, stealing her feet out from under her.

 

 

She was so lost in the kiss, its warmth, its neediness, the sweet teasing movements of his tongue against hers, that she hardly noticed he was moving towards the floor until the cool softness of the comforter pressed against the overheated skin of her back.

 

 

She gasped suddenly and pulled away, startled to suddenly find herself lying atop their makeshift bed. Sensing her apprehension, he pulled back a little to give her some space but his hand lingered across her thigh, grazing it up and down in slow, comforting strokes.

 

 

Sensing this, Kaname smiled sheepishly at her overreaction and turned into him. He was waiting patiently for her and his lips found hers easily despite the darkness that'd settled over them. The hand stroking her thigh slid slowly, questioningly, overtop her shorts and slipped beneath her jersey tee. There it stopped, perhaps too timid to press on, and stroked the taut muscles of her stomach.

 

 

When she pulled away to catch her breath she could feel the anticipation building within him, smouldering beneath his cool exterior like hot coals in a fire. He bent his head low and placed a delicate kiss against her shoulder. She turned her head to the side and he settled one along her neck.

 

 

 

“Kaname?” he whispered. His voice sounded huskier than usual in her ear, and hinted at something suggestive. His hands moved tentatively across her body but his touch was hesitant and unsure. Reluctant to ruin the moment she made a sound of acknowledgement in the back of her throat.

 

 

He pulled in a shaky breath as if steeling himself to go on. His hand stopped its exploration of her stomach and she felt the warmth of his breath tickle the skin of her neck when he spoke.

 

 

“What do I do next?”

 

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Author's Note: Well that concludes part deux. I'd like to know what you think of it. The lemony stuff is the next chapter…no more dilly dallying I promise. Please leave a review on your way out!