Full Metal Panic Fan Fiction ❯ Dazed and Confused ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

Dazed and Confused Chapter 2

I rolled my shoulders gently, finding it more difficult than usual to focus in calculus class due to the kinks in all of my muscles. I had been too worried the previous night to go home or fall asleep in the hallway, so I had been crouched there until morning, when Kaname found me and shooed me away. Now I was trying desperately to stay awake and pay attention in class, but I found my thoughts straying more than I could control.

I was still trying to avoid thinking about that last bit of the definition I looked up, but the words kept popping into my head. I heard them in random bits of conversation between my classmates, they rolled around in my head like marbles, and once I looked up and swore I saw them scrawled on the chalkboard, at least until I squinted and the letters rearranged themselves into their original integral equations.

Still…

7. To thrive on; need.

I scowled, frustrated with my inability to dismiss those four, irritating words. Did they really apply to me? It was always dangerous to have more requirements to function than necessary. Did that make Kaname a liability? Well, of course she was, the very nature of my assignment to protect her made her a liability, but was she even more of one than I had originally expected?

I tried to think of something else, and then just as I was starting on a mental inventory of my personal arsenal, my eyes strayed to the note sheet of the girl sitting next to me. This reminded me of my current location, and was about to resume taking my own notes when I saw a strange symbol in the corner of her paper. It was a little heart, with letters in the middle. The most peculiar thing about this was that the letters were arranged like an elementary math equation.

“SS plus KN equals TL…” I mumbled, realizing I’d done that aloud only when the girl squeaked and clapped her hands down over the symbol. I glanced up apologetically and noticed she was dramatically flushed. Well, that couldn’t be healthy.

“Kazuki…” I whispered, glad not to be noticed by the teacher. Kazuki… I’m pretty sure that was her name. “Are you alright?”

Her eyes widened, and she got even more red, if that were possible. She glanced to the front of the room briefly before turning back to me hesitantly. “Sousuke, we’ve been sitting next to each other all year…” her voice lowered, “you can call me Naoko.”

Riiiiiiight. And then you can pilot my M9 and we’ll all go out for ice cream.

I nodded. “Of course, Kazuki.”

She seemed confused, especially when I asked “Kazuki, if you don’t mind my asking, what were you doodling on your notes? Was it something the professor said? I must have missed it.”

Her gaze turned incredulous, much to my bafflement. Was I saying something strange? I thought she was being the strange one. She didn’t say anything for a few moments, then seemed to come to some mental conclusion. She moved her hands from the paper slowly, sliding to the edge of her desk so I could see better.

It was just as puzzling as it was before. Maybe it meant something if you looked closer. I leaned across the aisle to her desk, furrowing my brows in thought.

“Mr. Sagara!”

I quickly sat up straight, folding my hands on my desk dutifully. “Yes! Sir!”

“Something exciting going on at Miss Kazuki’s desk?”

“Actually,” I nodded slightly. “I think I may have a hole in my notes, sir. Could you please explain the variables S, K, N, T, and L again? I am only accustomed to x, y, and occasionally n on a normal basis, although I have used others under particular circumstances.”

The professor fixed me with a quizzical stare. “S? K? What are you talking about? We’re doing integrals, Mr. Sagara, integrals. Functions. F.”

I was at a loss, more confused than ever. Where was she getting those variables from? And what was the heart about? Was it some kind of ven diagram? I faltered when the majority of the class turned to look at me. Was Kazuki the only one who knew what the variables meant? I noticed that Kaname had not moved from her position in her chair, leaning on one elbow. She didn’t seem surprised by my question, maybe she could answer it later.

I shrugged slightly. “Of course, F, professor. I understand now. Please excuse my question.”

The professor shook his head and returned to his place at the board. I sighed and relaxed into my chair slightly, my eyes flickering back to Kaname, who was focused as usual, rapidly scribbling in her notepad. Her hair fell over one of her shoulders, and the light from the window next to her made it shimmer when she moved her head, it was like -

“Pssst! Pssst!”

It was Kazuki, trying to get my attention. I didn’t really feel like interacting with her, she was confusing me, and Kaname was, well she was beautiful. Spending calculus just looking at her was a very pleasant thing to do.

Overall, I wasn’t sure how I felt about this being in love thing, but I will admit that if I had to be in love with someone, I would want it to be Kaname, she seemed like an ideal candidate. She had paused in her note taking to straighten her socks, as they were sliding down those smooth calves that-

“Pssst! Pssst!”

Oh, shut up!

I tried not to pay attention to Kazuki, rather absorbed with the way Kaname’s slender fingers tugged at her socks, the way she-

“Sousuke!”

Cut it out!

I turned to Kazuki, fixing her with a blank, neutral stare. I was good at that.

“Yes, Kazuki?”

But she didn’t even say anything, she just smiled and giggled, turning back to face front.

Hey, excuse me, you interrupted my Kaname watching time. You can’t just giggle. Say something important.

“Kazuki,” I said evenly, “what is it?”

My inquiry was met only with more giggles. This kind of behavior truly perplexed me. It is dangerous to call someone’s attention if that attention is not required. Not only does it disrupt that person from executing whatever their current maneuver was, it also breaks trust among ranks, and your requests might be ignored in the future. Which was my plan should I be psssted again at any point in the period.

Although really that had nothing to do with danger and everything to do with the fact that Kaname was now smiling at something Kyouko had whispered to her. My annoyance with Kazuki was forgotten immediately, and I felt some of the tension slip from my shoulders. Kaname’s smile was very powerful. The simple way her lips turned up at the corners and the light in her eyes got just a little brighter always set me at ease, even if I was the brunt of her teasing… which was most of the time.

Well, now that I think of it, it was very rarely that Kaname ever smiled because of something I said unless I said something abnormal or moronic that made her laugh. This troubled me, as I really never said things like that on purpose, and would much rather have the ability to make Kaname smile voluntarily. I wish I knew what to say. I wonder if there was somewhere I could find out, or if it were really a trial-and-error kind of thing. Maybe I should keep logs. But, wouldn’t she notice that? Maybe mental logs later transcribed…

A student entered the classroom and handed the teacher a slip of paper, which he then read to himself and looked up.

“Miss Chidori, your guidance counselor would like to see you.”

I cocked my head slightly, always suspicious when Kaname was called out of class. Maybe it was the guidance counselor, or maybe it was a slave trader from the black market specializing in cute girls with unnatural psychic abilities. I watched closely as Kaname gathered her things and left the room. She didn’t seem unsettled at all. I turned to the clock, impatiently waiting a good minute before straightening in my seat and-

“Psssst!”

I exhaled slowly. No need to get mad. She was just doing that thing that girls do. Normal girl protocol. She wasn’t trying to delay my pursuit of Kaname on purpose.

“Pssst!”

I snapped, turning abruptly and fixing Kazuki with a cold, hard glare, much more intense than I intended for she visibly cowered. I sighed, but didn’t bother wasting time feeling sorry. I turned back to the front and raised my hand, quickly requesting lavatory privileges.

Upon being granted such, I hurried from the classroom and towards the guidance office breaking the “no running” rule by a long shot. Finally, I flung open the office door, casting around for any villains.

I was met with only the startled looks of the secretaries, and I quickly realized how, well, ridiculous I must look, poised in a defensive stance, panting, looking around like a fugitive. I quickly shrugged with a smile, whistling a little as I meandered over to a display on top of a bookcase.

I still felt the eyes of all the women in the room on me, and shuffled my feet a bit. Finally I turned to the nearest secretary and said “ah, excuse my abrupt intrusion, Ma’am. I just heard about this new display and rushed to see it. Really hits home, you know?”

The woman squinted at me, her gaze slowly moving from myself to the display, then looking back and blinking.

I smiled nervously… what was that look about? Didn’t they want students to show an interest in guidance affairs? Careers and the like? “That is,” I coughed, “I mean I can really relate. It’s a fascinating topic…” I turned back to the display, finally taking the time to read the header.

DEALING WITH HOMOSEXUALITY. ARE YOU GAY? IT’S OKAY!

I stepped back quickly. “Ah… I have this friend, I mean… he is… and I… no, not I… I mean not with him… I mean…”

“Sousuke?”

Ah, saved by Kaname. I could just kiss her.

Hee hee….

She had just emerged from her counselor’s office, and seemed surprised to see me. I don’t understand that, to be honest. When was the last time I wasn’t a step behind her? She smiled curiously at me, and my thoughts stopped. Okay, maybe repetition doesn’t always kill surpris. She could smile at me a million times and I don’t think my reaction would ever be less vibrant.

“Good afternoon, Miss Chidori, funny seeing you here.”

“Yeah…” she said slowly, glancing at the display. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Yes!” I nearly shouted.

So many things! Maybe if I tell you then this whole love thing will stop festering, stop weighing me down, stop making me feel like the whole world is electrified, stop making me hope for you to look in my direction and then wish you’ll look away because maybe you’ll know… also, did you know a masked figure was-

Her eyes widened, and she leaned closer. My jaw tensed. Maybe I really should tell her, because this constant sensory overload was really taking it’s toll on my body. When she spoke her breath puffed against my face and the way her voice was so low, like I whisper, I thought I was going to-

“Really?”

“Uh… what?” I looked back at the display. “Oh! No! Nothing like that.”

That was the last thing I needed. In fact, that was the complete opposite of what I needed her to think.

She laughed, but she seemed almost relieved. Shaking her head, she left the office, and I trailed behind her. I was kind of expecting her to tell me why she’d been called out of class once we got out into the hall, but we walked quite a ways and she said nothing.

Eventually I cleared my throat, quickening my stride to walk next to her. “So… what was that about?”

“Nothing that would worry you,” she said absently.

“Are you sure?” I said quickly. “I… tend to worry about a lot of things.”

She looked surprised, maybe at that I was being so frank about the nature of my attention towards her. Well, if I really wanted to tell her how I felt, I guess I could start by being honest about less important matters.

I almost laughed at that. Less important matters? Worrying about Kaname was less important than telling her how she made me feel? No, certainly not. I had to do more thinking about this. I had to keep my priorities in order. Kaname’s safety always comes first.

“Yeah you do…” she smiled. Smiled.

I already talked about her smile, didn’t I?

“But I promise,” she continued, “It was just your average guidance counselor stuff. It would bore you.”

I suspected that it wouldn’t bore me, but she didn’t seem keen to tell me more and I didn’t want to pry if it really had nothing to do with her protection. I was about to follow her back into the classroom when she reminded me that I should enter a few minutes after she did if I didn’t want to raise suspicions.

Of course. Man, I’m really off the ball today.

I leaned against the wall of the corridor, checking my watch occasionally, when a poster with glittery red letters caught my attention.

WHAT IS LOVE?

COME TO MR. TAKEHANA’S PHILOSOPHY CLASS’S SPECIAL OPEN SEMINAR TO DISCUSS THE MYSTERIES AND PHILOSOPHICAL QUANDARIES OF THAT MANY SPLENDORED THING!

Philosophical quandaries, eh? I’d definitely agree with that statement! I quickly scribbled down the information on a scrap of paper in my pocket, hopeful that I could discover some answers among scholars of the topic. I didn’t even know it was an educational subject! But then, with all its complexities, it seemed perfectly valid to be classified to be such, maybe even a science! Or an art! Or maybe it should be under medical disorders… ailments?

My mind filled with these puzzling thoughts, I finally entered the room.

“Ah, Mr. Sagara, and awfully long time in the bathroom, wouldn’t you think?”

“Sir!” I nodded, practically clicking my heels. It was an auto response to inquiries from authority figures, I was still trying to break myself of it. It seemed he wanted an explanation. “Um… duty calls?” Not a lie, but certainly a more foul pun than I wanted to express.

He squinted, then shook his head, motioning towards the class. “Take your seat, Sagara. We’re on page 328.”

A/N-

Thanks SO much to lemur130, Kanamesstalker, NefCanuck, yuki-chan, Suzu22, Larsgo, Zefrn, God Almighty, Lady Dark Angel, Kabashka, Ren Dara, Katie, and CrossSamurai for the kind reviews!

Special thanks to:

Crihavoc: You were right about imminent! I fixed it… I’m not sure what I was thinking!

ShinMasaki: I fixed the A/N, I just wanted to be on the safe side, but I see what you’re saying. Also, I’m a huge fan of switching POVs and do it in some of my fics, but I think with this one I am going to stick with Sousuke… I just love poking fun at his confusion, haha!

So yes, thanks everyone! I was so surprised at the positive response ^_^ I hope you liked this chapter as well. Any further comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated.