Full Metal Panic Fan Fiction ❯ Full Metal Panic! Essay Assignment ❯ 4th Step: Rough Draft ( Chapter 4 )

The end of lunch bell chimed lifelessly and Kyouko and I walked towards our classroom. Kyouko attempted calming my nerves to no avail, and I absently ignored her words. We walked into the classroom, and people sat around, some talking aimlessly about everything and nothing, while a few here and there darted evil glares towards Sergeant Demolition who sat in a corner, ignoring the world around him. Somehow, the second I walked in he looked up, and our eyes met. I hesitated for a second, seeing that for once, instead of the stoic, emotionless face he always wore, there were small lines tracing his skin, his eyes dimming, filled with guilt and frustration at the same time. For a second, I felt sorry for him, but seeing the dust still clinging to his uniform reminded me what had just happened moments before and I adverted my eyes indignantly.

“Humph!”

Stupid idiot... jerk... moron... military maniac! Useless!

I walked towards my desk and sat down, annoyed. Automatically, I opened the top and began taking the items necessary for next period. At that moment, however, when I went to reach for a book, my hand came in contact with plastic wrapping material. I looked down, and as soon as I did, every cell in my body became filled with remorse and guilt. I looked up and over to where Sousuke was sitting and saw how he had been looking intently. He immediately looked downwards to avoid eye contact and I frowned, sighing crestfallenly. That idiot... he had a way of being thoughtful. Moron... now I feel bad!

The bell rang and in walked Ms. Kagurazaka, intently watching Sousuke and me alternately as she reached the desk.

“Rise,” I said curtly and every student in the classroom followed suit. “Bow.” My classmates followed suit.

----

“Miss Chidori, please come with me for a moment,” she said curtly.

Miss Chidori frowned, looked at me briefly and then followed the teacher outside the class room. She had not said a word to me ever since lunch time, and I didn't think that now would be an exception.

“You stay here, Mr. Sagara. Our little session will be in the classroom.”

“Roger,” I replied hesitantly. Whatever it was she had in mind I did not know.

I sighed and sat back down in my desk, waiting.

----

“Yes, Ms. Kagurazaka,” I voiced as even a tone I could manage.

She sighed. “Miss Chidori, every one knows that you're perhaps the only real friend Mr. Sagara has at this school. If it wasn't for all his bombs and toys, no one would probably know of his existence, seeing how quiet he can be. Sometimes it's like he's not even in the room with the rest of the class.”

“Ms. Kagurazaka, I know that Sousuke hasn't been the easiest person to deal with. It's true that I'm probably the only real friend he has at this school, and that has its toll on me, trust me.” I stated, naturally thinking about the harisen. I needed to get a point across, I was going to try my hardest to do so. “Last time I checked, I have always tried to help him to become a better person, and tried to show him that in this world, not everyone is a terrorist and is out to cause harm, and that to solve problems, guns, grenades, and bombs aren't always if not at all needed. It's hard teaching an old dog new tricks, Ms. Kagurazaka, and I do not praise or encourage his erratic behavior or way of thinking. On the contrary, I condemn it.” Unless of course, we're in a situation where terrorists are really after me! I thought to myself.

Respectfully, I continued: “Ms. Kagurazaka, earlier today wasn't an exception. I wasn't celebrating his actions. I was doing the opposite. I always have. That's why I always happen to be there when something of this nature happens.”

Ms. Kagurazaka sighed and rubbed my arm reassuringly. “I understand, Miss Chidori, but you have to understand that I'm not the only one who's tired of all the commotion that revolves around Mr. Sagara. I know that you've always tried to teach him otherwise, and tone down his stray behavior. Perhaps I've overreacted during lunch, but, your being here still has a purpose.”

I looked at her quizzically. “Umm... and what exactly is that?”

She continued smiling, though this time a bit mischievously. “Miss Chidori, the truth is that you have no valid reason to worry whether or not Mr. Sagara learns to adapt to Japanese society.”

“Miss Chidori, being class representative is not entirely valid. I mean, no one applies themselves so wholeheartedly to such position for the sake of improving someone's behavior or adaptation process. Furthermore, you are not a psychologist. However...” she once again held her finger up when I was about to protest again. “I do know one valid reason.”

Valid reason? What's to be validated? “What could that possibly be, Ms. Kagurazaka...?” I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer to that.

“Miss Chidori, the only reason why you have applied yourself so diligently to the improvement of Mr. Sagara's behavior is because, plain and simple, you...” she hesitated for a second. Perhaps she wasn't sure how to break it down to me nicely. She took a deep breath. “Miss Chidori, you like Mr. Sagara...”

I heaved... painfully, as if someone just hit me with a sledge hammer inside my chest. Perhaps that is what it feels like when you feel your heart skip a beat... a painful beat!

“Ex-ex... excuse me...?”

“Must I repeat myself, Miss Chidori?” Ms. Kagurazaka asked evenly.

I was about to answer but then decided not to. I looked down, feeling uneasy. It was no use protesting if she already knew.

“There's nothing to worry about, Miss Chidori. Those kinds of feelings are hard to control, and most importantly, I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. Practically everyone is aware that you like him... well, almost everyone... with the exception of one individual, and I think we all know who that is.”

“Sousuke...” I whispered automatically.

“Precisely,” she smiled at me, seeing how I was catching on. “However...”

I looked up at her... there was more?

“I don't think this attraction is one-sided,” she said with a matter-of-fact tone.

I froze, looking at her, shocked. I then sighed and looked to the side, to nothing in particular, really... just away from her knowing gaze.

“I guess he's not the only idiot around...” I sighed helplessly. Who would've thought everyone but me noticed or admitted that Sergeant Somber liked me too. He's just soooo hard to figure out though!

“Hmm... I wouldn't put it that way, Miss Chidori... after all, Mr. Sagara is an enigma. But the way he behaves, the way he's so protective with you...”

“There's a reason for that, and I'm sure him liking me is not it,” I assured her.

“And what is that?”

“I apologize, but I'd rather not say, Ms. Kagurazaka,” I vowed respectfully.

“Very well... I won't pry on such matters. But one thing is clear, and I think I'm not the only one who has noticed. These things are hard to miss when looking from an outside perspective. Now it's up to you two to figure out what you want.”

“Yeah...” I said absently.

“But seeing how much bent-up feelings you have inside, I think I have something that might help,” she voiced.

I looked up, expecting her to continue, and she did.

“You will go, and for this 'detention'—well, let's not call it detention, but 'soul searching' activity instead—you will sit in that classroom, grab some paper and something to write with and let it all out.”

I looked at her, shocked. “What!”

“Miss Chidori, there's no loophole to this assignment. You will do it, and that's the end of it. You may start immediately, and while you're at it, please tell Mr. Sagara that I need to speak to him here outside the classroom. You will not leave until you are done with that essay, are we clear?”

I looked at her like she was out of her mind, but succumbed obediently. “Yes, ma'am...” I whispered, turning away from her and walking back into the classroom. When I did, Sousuke looked at me, expecting me to say something.

“Ms. Kagurazaka said to go outside and speak to her,” I said, as evenly as I could. I was still in a state of stupor.

“Understood,” he said, taking note of my current state, but saying nothing further as he stood up and walked out of the classroom.

Instinctively, I walked towards my desk, took pen and paper out, and began this very bizarre task.

----

The same way Miss Chidori had entered the classroom, I walked towards my desk, in a complete state of stupor. Confused, I was still wondering if what I had heard from Ms. Kagurazaka was right. Express my feelings about Miss Chidori in paper... about Miss Chidori or anything else in mind that contributed to me being the “unique” person I was, as Ms. Kagurazaka had delicately put it.

I walked towards my desk to sit and begin on my assignment, but when I really thought about it, if I was going to write about Miss Chidori, I needed to face her. It would be the best way to be honest, not only with myself, but looking at her would no doubt make the process easier and faster. Grabbing a pen and a few sheets of paper, I walked to where Miss Chidori was and grabbing the desk that was in front of her, I dragged it a few feet away and then rotated it 180 degrees, making it face towards her. She looked at me quizzically.

“Sousuke... what are you doing...?” That was the second time she had addressed me since lunch.

“Just finding... inspiration,” I muttered, nervously. Feeling the warmth washing through my body, I knew that I was also probably blushing. “I... I need to have a clear view of my target if I am to write a report about it.”

She cocked her head at me, anger flashing her eyes briefly and then looked down to her paper. “Target, huh...?” She then looked at me for a few more seconds before shaking her head just slightly and sighing before returning to the task at hand.

I watched as she continued jotting on her paper, taking a seat in front of her, just four feet away from her desk. I sat looking at her intently. She immediately perceived my staring and looked back at me.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” she asked.

“Negative, Miss Chidori,” I assured.

“Then what are you looking at? If you're gonna stare like that, I won't be able to concentrate and finish this... this thing.”

“It is not a problem, Miss Chidori. Just pretend I'm not even here and continue to work as diligently as you have been.”

She sighed exasperatedly and returned to the task at hand. I sat down, looking at her as I did so. Despite everything, I smiled slightly, and she caught me at it. I straightened my face immediately and looked down at my paper and began writing. I could sense her confusion at that. It was not often to see me, Sergeant Sousuke Sagara, smiling. This would be an interesting challenge for a specialist such as myself.