Full Metal Panic Fan Fiction ❯ Needless Secrets ❯ Chapter Two ( Chapter 2 )

Kaname tossed the Pocky stick around in her mouth, sucking most of the chocolate coating off before biting into the wafer. She was bored. Completely and irrevocably bored.

A number of her female friends were crowded around a classroom table, delving into their lunches, and discussing everything from where to meet the coming Sunday to how cool the new hairstyle their favourite idol was sporting looked.

Kaname couldn't be bothered with any of it.

Sousuke had barely said a word to her all day. In fact, it almost seemed as if he was purposely avoiding her. Anytime they had exchanged words, there had been a notable amount of aggravation. She tried to quell her temper - she knew she was the one at fault - but since when had she been successful in that respect. He'd normally eat with the rest of them, gawking mystified at their teenage rants. She always enjoyed watching his confused reactions, and attempting to explain the terms he was unfamiliar with. Well, perhaps teasing was a better description.

She had no idea where he disappeared off. He'd made some flimsy excuse that she hadn't quite made out. Before she had a chance to ask again, he was gone.

She took a glance around her friends. How would they react if she told them of the relationship? Some of them were Sousuke's own friends, but even then he was considered the oddball of the school. But it wasn't really that which held her back. Maybe at first, when they were still friends, she'd felt embarrassed for falling for such a character, but now… Teasing be damned. In truth, she didn't care what they thought. If they did make any comments, she could easily shut them up.

No, it wasn't that putting a hold on her tongue. Then what was it? What held her so immobile? She doubted she'd be back on his good side until she could come up with the answer.

"Kana-chan, are you okay?" Kyouko quietly asked, breaking off from the group conversation.

Kaname faked a grin. "Yeah, I'm great, Kyouko. Why'd you ask?"

"Well, you just seem…down. Not your normal, lively self," she explained, a little sadness creeping into her jovial voice. "Did you and Sagara-kun have another fight?"

Kaname swallowed. Why did Kyouko always have to hit the nail on the head? To hide her awkwardness, she let out a loud laugh. "W-why would I get all depressed over a stupid fight with that idiot?! Why would you think such a ridiculous thing?"

"Well, it's just that…he seems to be acting much more withdrawn today than usual." Kyouko rarely sounded worried or anxious. Why did she suddenly sound so concerned over Kaname and Sousuke's friendship?

Normally when her friend began acting in such a way, Kaname would make a point of finding out the reason. But as that reason seemed to concern herself, she decided it would be fine left in the dark. "You know the way Sousuke is. Sometimes he goes quiet for a while." She shrugged, trying to show how unimportant those periods were. However, in her own mind she painfully remembered each time, and the life-threatening events that had preceded them. "If it makes you feel better, I'll have a talk with him and see if I can make him feel better."

Kyouko gave her the strangest look. It was almost completely unreadable, but there was an aspect of shock to it. "Oh…okay."

"Now can we PLEASE talk about something more important than that damn military otaku?"

Classes had ended twenty moments before. The last dregs of teenagers were picking up their books and quickly leaving the school grounds. Though it was still bright outside, the corridors, with the strip lighting turned off, were cast in shadows.

Kaname cautiously paced down the hallway towards her homeroom and peeked past the corner of the doorframe. Just as she had thought, there he was, tending to his cleaning duties. The room already looked immaculate, the chairs placed upside-down upon their corresponding tables. His shoulders slumped, face turned so she couldn't glance at his features, he still swept at the far end of the room.

What was she going to do about this? Was he really hurt because of this morning? Just because she had embarrassed him? But he should have been used to that by now…

She strolled into the classroom, her hands clasped behind her back. She had to attempt to improve his mood. That was her job as his girlfriend, after all. "Hey," she called, an uneasy smile upon her lips.

He jumped slightly at her words. That was unusual. Generally he'd be able to tell she was coming from over a hundred metres away. "Oh, Kaname. Hi." He seemed to brighten a little when he read her smile. "I will be finished in a few moments. Then we can walk home together."

"Oh…okay." She set one of the chairs back down upon the floor and hopped up onto the desk. "Sousuke..." She looked downwards for a moment before looking back up towards his moving form. It was best to just get this over with and apologise now, before she lost her courage. She always abhorred saying those words. "I'm sorry about this morning. I shouldn't have just pinned us being late on you."

She saw him smile at that. "It's okay, Kaname. I forgive you."

"Next time, I'll take the blame." That little allowance should make him happy.

His grin fell almost entirely. "Next time…? Okay."

"Are you all right, Sousuke?"

"Of course I am. What in the world would be wrong?"

There was heavily veiled resentment in his tone. Almost no one would be able to detect it, but it stood out clear as day to her. She felt her fingers grip more tightly upon the edge of the desk. She knew she should question his pitch but felt hesitant to do so. She especially couldn't do it somewhere so public; there were still a number of people wandering the halls.

He finished sweeping and neatly put his blazer back on, fastening the buttons efficiently. He wouldn't meet her gaze. "Kaname, I was wondering if…perhaps we could make a reservation at a restaurant sometime. I don't mean to undermine your cooking talents, however, I believe a different venue could be interesting."

Kaname sighed deeply. He wasn't being too subtle. She knew he was just trying to bring up this topic once more. They were always brought back to this familiar piece of territory; it seemed he was never going to let this drop. "Sousuke, you know we can't do that. Not until we tell everyone about us."

"If we ever tell them," he muttered under his breath so low she could barely make it out.

Kaname felt herself growing ever more aggravated but held her tongue. Causing an argument was certainly not going to help things. She'd used everything she could think of to appease him before: 'Let's wait until we're sure this is going to work out', 'Let's just wait until the exams are over', 'Don't you think it's fun having a secret relationship?' Maybe it was time to provide him with something a little more truthful… "Just please give me a little more time…I'm not ready yet," she whispered. She closed her eyes and began rubbing her temples with her fingers, attempting to ease the sudden tension away.

"Are you okay?" His voice, full of concern, seemed closer to her than before.

"Yeah, just a bit of a headache." She flinched when she felt his hands upon her wrists, pulling her arms down and away. He then began to massage her temples with a gentle pressure. She wanted to push him away; she had to. If anyone saw this, rumours would spread like wildfire. But his soft touch prevented her from any form of rejection. "That feels nice," she breathed.

As she relaxed into his touch, she became aware of something else close to her. At first, she tried to force the distraction from her mind, but when she felt something moist touch her lips, she jerked backwards. "Sousuke-" she started, but he pushed himself forward once more, trying to kiss her again. Stuck between his body and the desk, with her head in his hands, she felt trapped. She had to escape before anyone saw them.

Twisting her body, she was able to break out of his grip and climb over the desk. Feet back on the floor, she looked over towards him, her eyes hard. "What the hell are you doing, you blockhead?! Anyone could have seen us!"

He stared back at her, visibly upset by her reaction. She felt her breath catch in her lungs. He was really hurting? This much?

He grabbed his satchel and threw the strap over his shoulder. "It's getting late. We should head home." He started towards the door without saying anything further.

She grabbed her own bag and ran after him. He was already speeding through the corridor by the time she caught up.

They had made it home in record time, Sousuke always a few steps ahead of her. Once again no words had been exchanged. He wouldn't even turn in her direction.

She wasn't exactly anticipating the little 'talk' they would have as soon as they reached her apartment. She crossed her arms over her chest and watched her feet beat upon the path. He was going to want answers. Even after an entire day racking her brain, she had none to give him.

Passing through the square between their apartment buildings, Sousuke came to an abrupt halt. Not paying attention, she found herself almost colliding with his back. "I have things I must take care of in my apartment. I will escort you to school in the morning. Until then, Chidori."

She felt the chill behind his cold words hit her. She couldn't remember the last time he'd used her surname when they were alone together. It almost felt as if her lungs were being crushed under some tremendous weight. She felt immobile, unable to even nod her head in reply.

He moved towards her, glancing into her eyes for the briefest second. She felt like she'd been hit a second time. His voice had been cold, but the look in his brown eyes showed something different. She could only remember a few times when she had seen them so full of emotion.

She wanted to call out to him, apologise for what she had done and beg forgiveness for her own confusion. But before she realised it, he had walked past her, and was now a few steps from the building's entrance.

Her eyes just wouldn't droop. She'd tried everything, from clearing her mind of all thoughts to a long bath. With her level of desperation, she'd even attempted to count sheep. Two thirty in the morning and she was still wide-awake.

And she had to get up in four hours.

Bonta-kun was perched upon her, her arms gripping it tightly. It wasn't exactly something that would serve to help her mood, but she held onto it nonetheless. The bed was feeling much too empty. They had spent every night together since the first time they'd slept together; even on those occasions where they weren't intimate, he wouldn't let her out of his arms. So much for the supposedly unemotional Sergeant. She still found it difficult to believe how affectionate he could be. She guessed that's what happened after almost eighteen years of repressing that side of his personality.

She twisted onto her side and reached her hand under her pillow, trying to prop it up a little. Her fingertips brushed against cold metal. She sighed. He'd forgotten to take it this morning. She must have distracted him somehow.

She gripped the handle and pulled his Glock 26 from its hiding place. They had spent a few days at a shooting range several weeks earlier, and Sousuke had been surprised at how quickly she'd learned how to use the pistol. She had even hit the centre of a couple of targets, and he'd told her that in no time she'd be a dab hand. She smiled, remembering the look of pride upon his face.

He didn't seem too proud of her now.

She lifted the gun, checked the magazine ­ fully loaded as she expected ­ and aimed towards the ceiling. Disengaging the safeties, she had to force herself not to pull the trigger. She enjoyed the surge of power the weapon gave her. She was now beginning to understand how he felt. He was affecting her so much. She not only felt herself becoming more tempered and softer due to their relationship but also exhilarated by the world he'd known since he was a child. Maybe she just loved drama. Ever since they day they met over a year before, she'd been through experiences her friends couldn't even contemplate. Of course it frightened her, but it was exciting at the same time. And having a handsome bodyguard certainly didn't hurt.

He was even guarding her in the midst of all this.

She looked towards the corner of the room, next to the door to the bathroom. She couldn't see it, but she knew that the listening device was there. Another was placed in her living room. He could probably hear her tossing and turning. There was also the communicator he'd given to her in case of an emergency. She placed the Glock on the bedside table and picked up the communicator.

She could use it to call him, to say she was sorry, to ask him what he wanted to happen. But she wasn't brave enough. She was too terrified of what he would say. When had this happened? When had she become so afraid to take action?

No; that wasn't her. She could defeat her enemies; she could take down anyone who tried to bring her down. She'd done so in middle school, pulling herself up from the lowest point to which she'd fallen. She terrified most pupils at Jindai and always got her way in the Students' Council. None of that had changed. She was still the same person. It was him. Just him. The thought of losing what they had built up…their friendship…their love… It was that possibility that weakened her.

She'd always pushed away the fact that he could be killed in a mission and spend eternity in some inhospitable foreign land. But the fact that he could perhaps choose to leave her… Because of the way she treated him…

I'm such a horrible person.

She felt a few tears roll down over her temples, sinking into her black hair. She didn't even bother to wipe them away. She brought her attention to the listening device once more. "You know I love you, Sousuke." Her strong voice wavered slightly. "But I don't understand this myself yet. You know the way I am. But I'll try. That's all I can promise for now. I hope that's enough."