Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Living in Pain ❯ The Pain ( Chapter 1 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Bombayoni 
chock full of angst and darknes.... cutting implied, suicide
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Psychological / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 07.31.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 805 | Visits: 472 | Status: Completed
chock full of angst and darknes.... cutting implied, suicide
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Psychological / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 07.31.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 805 | Visits: 472 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don’t own Full Metal Alchemist, Gundam Wing, or anything to do with series so named…. So no suing! I don’t own it! Y’hear me?
Pairings: I can’t tell you
Warning: This will contain dark material; I.e. Talk of suicide, self-loathing, suicide; and this is written for both series which is why both are listed.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*
He knew he was there. It was a feeling he got, when he was near. Like fresh air wafting into a dank prison, he’d come to save him. He always did. But this time, it didn’t help to be the fresh air. He needed more. He needed a rock to hold onto as the currents moved faster, trying to pull him under. This he didn’t think the other could provide, so he sank deeper, farther away from the real world, and into the one he’d created for himself.
This world was dark, and filled with pain, but it was still something better than the world he was born in, the world where daily reminders of his failures glared him in the face. He curled in on himself, gathering the pain in, holding it close, losing himself in it. He knew he would have to leave, but he wanted to stay as long as he could.
He finally dragged himself back from that world to see the eyes watching him, that were always watching him. He flinched back from the gaze, desperately clawing for his dream world, knowing that it would elude him.
“Why?” He stopped, and blinked. This was a question never put to him before. No one had ever asked ‘why’. They had never even noticed what was happening. But him, he was a different story. He knew, and he noticed. But he’d never asked the question before.
“I… I hurt so much.” It was as close to the truth as he could get, for no words could express the pain coursing through his veins, the shame he felt whenever he looked at his own body. The shame he felt, period, over his life.
“You don’t have to hurt.” The voice was quiet, but it hit him like a slap. How dare he say such a thing! It was none of his business, and besides, he knew nothing about the pain. He was whole and healthy, in body mind and soul. He knew nothing.
“Bullshit. I will always hurt.” But that wasn’t entirely true. There were moments when the pain diminished, flirted with the pleasure wanting to be felt. He never allowed it though. He didn’t deserve any more than what he had. He’d made a mistake, and that mistake would haunt him his entire life, until he could escape for good.
“No. You don’t have to. I will help you. Please…” The pain in the other’s voice made him stop his internal banter. He never wanted the other to hurt. Why was he in pain?
“Why? Why do I hear that in your voice?”
“Because I love you. And I want to help you. It hurts me to see you this way.” He blinked again. His self-loathing was causing another pain? He’d never seen it as something that could hurt others. It was his burden, his cross to bear.
“I’m hurting you?”
“Yes! Don’t you see that other people care about you? That we all hate what you do to yourself?”
It sounded so good. People cared for him, loved him-no. he couldn’t let it get to him. He was scum. He was the lowest of all creatures. He didn’t deserve to live, let alone be loved. He turned from the other, moving to sink himself into that world again, only to be jerked into another world.
This one was filled with darkness, but no pain. He looked around him, unable to see anything in the growing night. It wasn’t this dark in his world, or the one he was born into. Where was he?
He heard dark laughter, and desperate cries of his name. He saw the other as through a window, and tried to reach him, but the window slowly closed, and the laughter surrounded him, bearing him down into endless heat and pain. He smiled… All of his wishes had been granted.
*~*~*~*~*~***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Okay I had a reviewer with concerns… I hope I fixed them for you Sakiku… He wants to escape the entire time, and in the end, he gets his wish. Does that clear up questions?
Pairings: I can’t tell you
Warning: This will contain dark material; I.e. Talk of suicide, self-loathing, suicide; and this is written for both series which is why both are listed.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*
He knew he was there. It was a feeling he got, when he was near. Like fresh air wafting into a dank prison, he’d come to save him. He always did. But this time, it didn’t help to be the fresh air. He needed more. He needed a rock to hold onto as the currents moved faster, trying to pull him under. This he didn’t think the other could provide, so he sank deeper, farther away from the real world, and into the one he’d created for himself.
This world was dark, and filled with pain, but it was still something better than the world he was born in, the world where daily reminders of his failures glared him in the face. He curled in on himself, gathering the pain in, holding it close, losing himself in it. He knew he would have to leave, but he wanted to stay as long as he could.
He finally dragged himself back from that world to see the eyes watching him, that were always watching him. He flinched back from the gaze, desperately clawing for his dream world, knowing that it would elude him.
“Why?” He stopped, and blinked. This was a question never put to him before. No one had ever asked ‘why’. They had never even noticed what was happening. But him, he was a different story. He knew, and he noticed. But he’d never asked the question before.
“I… I hurt so much.” It was as close to the truth as he could get, for no words could express the pain coursing through his veins, the shame he felt whenever he looked at his own body. The shame he felt, period, over his life.
“You don’t have to hurt.” The voice was quiet, but it hit him like a slap. How dare he say such a thing! It was none of his business, and besides, he knew nothing about the pain. He was whole and healthy, in body mind and soul. He knew nothing.
“Bullshit. I will always hurt.” But that wasn’t entirely true. There were moments when the pain diminished, flirted with the pleasure wanting to be felt. He never allowed it though. He didn’t deserve any more than what he had. He’d made a mistake, and that mistake would haunt him his entire life, until he could escape for good.
“No. You don’t have to. I will help you. Please…” The pain in the other’s voice made him stop his internal banter. He never wanted the other to hurt. Why was he in pain?
“Why? Why do I hear that in your voice?”
“Because I love you. And I want to help you. It hurts me to see you this way.” He blinked again. His self-loathing was causing another pain? He’d never seen it as something that could hurt others. It was his burden, his cross to bear.
“I’m hurting you?”
“Yes! Don’t you see that other people care about you? That we all hate what you do to yourself?”
It sounded so good. People cared for him, loved him-no. he couldn’t let it get to him. He was scum. He was the lowest of all creatures. He didn’t deserve to live, let alone be loved. He turned from the other, moving to sink himself into that world again, only to be jerked into another world.
This one was filled with darkness, but no pain. He looked around him, unable to see anything in the growing night. It wasn’t this dark in his world, or the one he was born into. Where was he?
He heard dark laughter, and desperate cries of his name. He saw the other as through a window, and tried to reach him, but the window slowly closed, and the laughter surrounded him, bearing him down into endless heat and pain. He smiled… All of his wishes had been granted.
*~*~*~*~*~***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Okay I had a reviewer with concerns… I hope I fixed them for you Sakiku… He wants to escape the entire time, and in the end, he gets his wish. Does that clear up questions?