Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ A Confusing Midday ❯ Operation Shock and Awe for Ed ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

[Fullmetal Alchemist and it's attendant characters and settings were created by Hiromu Arakawa and are distributed by Square-Enix, Viz, and Funimation. Greta the Lunch Lady is my own creation and will hopefully not turn into the next Bubbles.]

Warning: Contains sexual situations and language. Profanity Abounds.

(Note: This is intended as a sequel to "Lonely Mornings" but can be read on its own. Roy and Riza are dating, and Havoc and Schiezka are dating. That's all you need to know.)

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A Confusing Midday - Chapter 1: Operation Shock and Awe for Ed
A Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction
by Anne Packrat

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The walk from the train station to headquarters was normally a pleasant one for Ed Elric. It went through some pretty neighborhoods, and even if he had to see Colonel Flamey at the end, at least he'd also be able to get a ton of free food in the cafeteria as well.

Today, however, Ed was angry. Now one could argue that this was Ed's natural state, but today's fury was directed at an unusual target.

The petite state alchemist rounded on his brother clanking along behind him. "You picked up another goddamn cat didn't you?"

Al Elric tried to look as innocent as a seven foot suit of armor could. He desperately hoped his older brother couldn't hear the plaintive mewing coming from inside him. "I don't know what you're talking about, brother."

Ed sighed. "How much of an idiot do you think I am, Al?"

Al thought. "Uh, well according to Winry, you're a big one, but I guess you could say she's a bit biased."

His head wincing in pain at the memory of his latest wrench hit, Ed clenched his fist. "Look, I know you have another kitten. I'm sorry they don't have homes, but you know we can't take care of them."

The elder Elric could have sworn his armored brother was about to cry. "But!" Al said, sniffling even without a nose, "But they're so cute and lonely, and...."

Ed ran his hand through his hair. "Al, let it out now." When Al didn't move, his voice became more commanding. "I said to let it out!"

Slowly the younger brother reached in his chest and pulled out a cute, fluffy kitten. He bent and put the kitten on the ground, muttering under his breath. He stood and addressed Ed. "It's just a kitten, brother. What's your problem with it?"

"My problem," Ed replied angrily, "is that I'm the one who has to clean the cat crap out of you!"

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With an exaggerated sigh, Roy Mustang put down his pen. "Lieutenant?"

Riza Hawkeye looked up from her desk. "Yes, sir?"

Roy grinned and rested his head in his hand. "I've finished all my paperwork."

Puzzled, she frowned. "Er, good for you, colonel. Do you want a cookie as a reward?"

His grin shifted into the familiar smirk. "Maybe I do...." he said slyly, "But it has to be an extra-special one.... Made by you." He waggled his eyebrows in order to emphasize his point.

Oh... Riza groaned as understanding dawned, then buried her head in her hands.

Not this again.

She really should have known better then to suggest to her boyfriend that she might be willing to reward the finishing of paperwork with certain favors. Certain favors that might involve quickies during the midday meal if certain precautions were met.

It's not like she really expected him to take her up on that offer. Surely his absolute hatred of paperwork was more than enough to override his lust... Right?

Unfortunately for her, she had severely underestimated the power of Roy Mustang's libido. So every day since the initial suggestion, the colonel had come in early and worked through every break he had to finish all his work on time, all in anticipation of his "reward."

"Sure it's great that we're the most efficient office in Central now," she thought dejectedly, "But I haven't gotten to eat lunch yet this week!"

And it looked like she'd be skipping it again today. She had made the promise after all, and Riza Hawkeye was a woman of her word. (She just wished that word would let her have a damn sandwich once in a while.)

It wasn't like she didn't enjoy their little sessions either. Roy was a patient and rather considerate lover, and she had definitely gained a knew found appreciation for his desk... (And the couch... And his chair... And even the potted plant in the corner...) She was just tired of being hungry and aroused at the same time.

"Maybe I should start bringing lunch for both of us," she thought to herself, "But no oysters or hot dogs. That man doesn't need anything making him hornier!"

Roy's face had lapsed into a look of concern while she had been having a mental chat with herself. "Hawkeye... Are you okay?"

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, then smiled slightly. "Yes, I'm fine, sir. Now about lunch..."

Her smile widened slightly as his eyes lit up like those of a child. "Oh, I am definitely 'up' for lunch!" he said eagerly.

"Uh huh," she replied, refusing to acknowledge his double-entendre. "And what about Fuery, Breda, and Falman?"

He grinned. "Enjoying an extra long lunch break off-base with my blessing."

She nodded. "And our lookout?"

His grin widened. "Out having a smoke break. He'll be back in five minutes."

Riza sighed. "All right, as soon as Havoc gets back you can have your 'cookie,' okay? You know I wish you had put this much effort into your work all the time."

The smirk made an appearance, "I guess I just needed the right stimulation." He waggled his eyebrows. "And you, my dear lieutenant, are an excellent motivator. You're always there when things get.... hard."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway.... Are Breda and the others any closer yet?"

Roy tapped his fingers on the desk. "I don't think so. Last I heard the current theory was that I was in a master-slave relationship with Havoc and Armstrong."

"Oh?" she asked amused, "Are you the master or the slave?" He frowned and mumbled something she couldn't quite make out. "What was that, sir?"

"I'm the slave okay?" he scowled, "Dammit, why am I always the gimp or the girl in the relationships they visualize?"

Smiling, Riza leaned back against her desk. "I suppose it's because you're just so pretty, colonel."

"Yeah, right," he grumbled. However, he must have been slightly mollified by her comment since his frown disappeared.

"If it's any consolation," she replied, her eyes dancing with suppressed laughter, "I heard Falman put forth the theory that you were seeing Greta the Lunch Lady on the side."

His face scrunched in concentration. "Greta... Greta... Oh god," he said, his eyes widening in recognition, "Isn't she the one with the unibrow...?"

Greatly amused, Riza nodded. "Yes, and the mullet."

Roy groaned and ran his hand through his hair. "God, where did they get the idea to bring her into this...?"

"That would be from me, chief," said a voice from over near the door. Both the officers' attention snapped to the door to find Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc leaning against the frame. He had a grin wrapped around his unlit cigarette.

The colonel gave his blond protege a stern glare. "And why in the hell would you do that Havoc?"

Havoc shrugged, his grin not leaving his face. "Guess I'm just tired of being paired up with you all the time. I'd like to be with a woman for once."

"Hey!" Roy protested, "You think I'm happy being gay with you all the time?" He shuddered at the memory of a long line of thick black hair resting over a pair of gimlet-sized eyes, "Though I'd almost take you over Greta."

Riza stared back and forth between the two men, her expression a mixture of exasperation and amusement. "Dare I ask who they think I'm with now?"

Roy scratched his nose as he thought. "I think it's still Ross."

"Au contraire, my colonel," Havoc said, his grin widening even more, "It's now Schiezka AND Ross."

She sighed and slumped against the desk behind her. "Why do they keep insisting on putting me in lesbian affairs?" She glared at Havoc. "Aren't you upset at this? Schiezka is your girlfriend after all."

Havoc shot her a confused look. "You kidding? I think it's hot as hell. Hell, I have dreams about the two of you going at it."

He suddenly grew nervous as he saw her hand drop toward her holster, but any gunplay was forestalled by Roy speaking up. "I'd like to see that too!" He ignored the glare his girlfriend shot him, and met her eyes without flinching. "I keep telling you, Riza, if you want to invite a female friend to come over to play, I have no objections."

Her fist clenched, and she answered him angrily, "We've been over this. Besides the fact that I'm not in the least attracted to women in that way, it would also constitute an infidelity-"

Roy raised a hand to interrupt her. "It's not cheating if you let me watch." He smirked as he watched her jaw drop. He glanced over at Havoc. "Though if Schiezka is involved it would only be fair to let Jean watch too."

Havoc moved his cigarette to the other side of his mouth, then grinned. "I believe that would be acceptable."

Riza looked back and forth between the two men in disbelief. "Fuck you both."

"Now, now, lieutenant," Roy said, "Havoc would only be watching, not participating."

Riza frowned. "Well, YOU, Roy, will not be participating in any such activities today at this rate."

His face fell. "But-but I've been good!" he pleaded, "I finished all my paperwork and everything!"

Unmoving, she crossed her arms over her chest. "I appreciate that, but you think treating me this way is going to get me in the mood?"

"It's working for me!" Havoc said. He recoiled beneath the dirty look she shot him. "Er, forget I said that..."

Roy sighed and gave his lieutenant a plaintive look, "Please, Riza!" He stood and took her hands in his. "Please....?"

She sighed. It was becoming harder to ignore his puppy dog eyes. Particularly when it was paired with her name and his touches. "Today is the last day for awhile. We need to cut back, Roy."

He frowned. "But... Then I won't have any motivation to do paperwork."

She took her hand from his and ran it through her hair. "God, look how about this: If you finish your paperwork for the next few days I'll wear IT some night."

His eyes widened, and a guarded optimism settled over his face. "You'll wear IT? Really?! You know how long I've wanted to see you in IT."

She nodded, a hint of a smile appearing. "I know. You have a huge obsession with IT for some reason. Now before we waste the rest of the lunch break..." She shot a meaningful glance toward Havoc.

The second lieutenant held up his hands. "I know the drill. I'll play lookout for you all. But first..." He went over and dragged Roy out of Riza's earshot. "Hey, chief, what is IT?"

Roy grinned. "Wouldn't you like to know? Let's just say it's something I've been trying to get her in for years."

Havoc's cigarette dropped out of his mouth when he realized what IT was. "You're kidding! Holy crap. I never thought she'd..." He ran an appraising look up and down Riza's fine form. "Hey, chief, you think I could maybe watch when you know she's trying on IT...?"

Roy shook his head and began shoving the younger man toward the door. "No way, in hell, Havoc."

Havoc caught the door to stop Roy's pushing. "But chief!" he protested.

"It's top secret, lieutenant!" Roy said, as he finally managed to shove the protesting smoker out the door. He swiftly shut the door and met his girlfriend's amused glance.

Smugly, he said, "The sight of Riza Hawkeye in a mini-skirt is for my eyes only."

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Ed Elric hurried to Colonel Mustang's office. The sooner he got the damn report over with, the faster he could get to the piles off food waiting for him in the cafeteria (prepared by the extremely nice if somewhat homely lunch lady). And thus the sooner he and his brother could be off investigating the newest lead they'd picked up.

He briefly wondered where his brother was. Al had begged off saying he had to go to the "Little Boys Room" which was, of course, nonsense. Generally when he said something like that it meant he wanted to go feed whatever stray had caught his attention that day. But since Ed had made him put out the kitten, he suspected his younger brother had used that excuse to instead go off somewhere and sulk.

Ed stretched his arms and rested them behind his head as he walked. It wasn't that big a deal. He'd go apologize to Al when he was done eating and then any ill will would soon be lost in the excitement of planning their next adventure.

He reached the colonel's office and found only Havoc in the outer area. The inner area was closed. "Hey," he greeted the blond lieutenant, "Where's the others?"

Havoc looked up in surprise. "Er, hi, Ed. They're at lunch."

The alchemist's stomach rumbled at the mention of food. "Well, where's Colonel Flamey? He at lunch too?"

Chewing on his cigarette nervously, "Uh, he's busy at the moment." His eyes strayed over the closed door. "Real busy."

Ed sighed. "Yeah, yeah. He's in here right?" Ed jerked his thumb towards the obscured inner office.

Havoc nodded anxiously. "Uh, yeah, but he left strict instructions that he wasn't to be disturbed." He gave Ed a too bright smile. "You know, lots of paperwork and that."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Yeah right, I bet he's on the phone with one of those 'dates' of his. Look, I just want to give the bastard a quick report then I can get down to my food." He moved toward the door.

Quickly Havoc grabbed his shoulder, earning an angry stare from the boy. "Look," Havoc said desperately, "You just don't want to go in there now, okay?"

Ed pushed him away angrily. "I told you I need to see the idiot colonel. Do you want me go through the door or make my entrance with alchemy?"

Havoc looked at the boy's hands and groaned. He knew what kind of power was in them, and what they could do. He held up his own hands in surrender. "Fine, go in. But don't say I didn't warn you."

"Hmph..." was Ed's only reply as he pushed the door open.

"Yo, Flamey McSparkson! I got your-" Ed stopped in mid-sentence, choking on his words.

Before him he saw the frozen pale rear view of Roy Mustang. The colonel was shirtless with his pants around his ankles and leaning into something on his desk. By the thin but muscular pair of thighs wrapped around his waist Ed had a feeling he knew just what that something was.

"So he is spending time with one of his women after all," Edward thought disgustedly, "Just not in the way I reckoned."

Roy was looking back at Ed now. "Fullmetal!" the colonel cried in surprise.

Then a head appeared from behind Mustang's back. Ed's jaw dropped as he took in the honey colored hair (now mussed) and the red-brown eyes.

"Edward!" Hawkeye said in alarm.

The young alchemist's head swam. It couldn't be... Colonel Flamey was doing it... on his desk... with aloof should-have-known better Hawkeye?! His mind whirled with shock as it struggled to process the scene before him. Eventually it gave up.

With a groan he fell to the floor, and his exhausted and confused mind slipped into blissful darkness.

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Author's Minor Indulgence

This is the sequel to "Lonely Mornings as said above. It will focus as much if not more on Roy / Riza then Ed / Winry. But Ed and Winry will be in here. I'm planning a pleasant surprise for Al too.

I apologize for the length of time this took, but I did warn you all that I had a con coming up and cosplay stuff took priority. In fact, I made a Black Hayate costume! Yep, the first full mascot Black Hayate costume. You can see it at my deviantart account at " annepackrat dot deviantart dot com " (replacing the dots with periods of course). I won Second Place Craftsmanship in the Journeyman division for it.

Since I am going to AX and I have 3(!) costumes to finish before then, updates will be sporadic again. But I know you all will want updates with this cliffhanger. ^_- I'll try to get a Chapter 2 up soon.

Thanks to the creators, cast and crew of the FMA manga and anime.
Thanks to my husband, who I will not see until the World Cup is over.
Thanks to the reviewers and those who give me feedback. I appreciate it greatly.
And Thanks to you for reading.

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Anne Packrat (June 11, 2006) Happy Royai Day! Heh.