Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Grey ❯ Panic ( Chapter 4 )

 

~I do not own our favorite pint sized alchemist. If I did, I wouldn't have to put these disclaimers up. 

~I'm having a creative burst these last few days…let's see how many chapters I can get out. Ready…GO!

~PS: this might be my favorite chapter yet.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

 

 

Chapter 4

Panic

 

 

 

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Central

Six weeks post return

 

Not wanting to impose on Gracia and Elecia Hughes any longer, and despite her protests that they were more than welcome to stay as long as they wanted, the Elric Brothers decided to rent an apartment within easy walking distance of HQ six weeks after their sudden reemergence in Central. The place was small, yet comfortable, with two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a small living space with enough room for a large worktable. On the day they left the Hughe's, Winry decided to then inform the Elrics that she would be staying in Central, possibly to find work as an apprentice. Meeting no protests to her announcement, she called her Grandmother as soon as they were settled in their new home. But her phone call to Granny Pinako would reveal a different motive. She was still acutely worried about both the brothers; Edward was still not back to his old self and was starting to exhibit some strange physical symptoms, and Al had taken to studying alchemy on upwards of 10 hours a day. And so, with Pinako's blessing to watch over her friends, Winry moved into one of the bedrooms. And on that first night there, not long after they had all turned in for the night, Winry heard a faint knock on her door. Pulling her pink nightgown over her head, she loosened her ponytail as she walked to the door.

“Yes?”

Silence. She just waited.

“It's me, Winry.”

Cracking the door, she could make out the dark form of Ed, clad in his black pajama pants, eyes fixated on the floor. With a small, knowing smile, she opened the door wide enough for him to come in, and they settled into bed for the night. While they had been at the Hughe's house, after that first night, Ed made every attempt to sneak into her room once the house was dark so that they could fall asleep together. On the nights that didn't happen, he would always wake up in the middle of the night, screaming…a few nights before they left, he had mentioned briefly just as they turned out the lights that it was the only way he could stop the nightmares. Afraid to press the subject, Winry just nodded, and pulled the blankets over them both. But after they moved, Ed just came to her room every night. Not that she minded; while he did have the tendency to hog the bed, she did notice that he hardly ever had those nightmares when he was next to her. And as the days turned to weeks, she noticed that he slept just a bit closer, held her a bit tighter, and was more reluctant to leave her bed in the morning.

`He's probably only acting that way because I'm someone familiar; he's known me all his life. But still, it's so hard not to pretend that it's real…'

While Al had his alchemy studies, and Winry her automail, Ed had…well Winry wasn't quite sure what he had. While he was beginning to talk more, he began to have strange symptoms; nausea, headaches, and muscle aches just to name a few. While the “Shrink” as Ed loved to call him said it was just an adjustment to the medication he gave him, Winry wasn't so sure. And while he would leave the apartment for hours at a time, it was always just to wander around Central. Not once had he inquired about his fellow subordinates in Mustang's office, or about the General himself. Nor had he noticed that Someone from the office drove by the house at least once a day.

 

 

 

Present Day

2 months post return

 

`There is something terribly wrong with Ed…I can feel it….'

Winry let the hot water from shower spray her in the face, and turning around, she rinsed the conditioner from her hair.

`Even if it takes forever, I will be there when he needs to talk.'

Shutting the water off, she reached for a towel and quickly dried herself off. Tying the towel up under her arms, she opened the bathroom door, letting all of the steam that had accumulated rush out, and all the colder air from the apartment rush in.

`BRRR!!!'

Daintly trotting down the hall to her room, she paused momentarily at the door to the room the brother's shared. A small puddle formed at her feet as she leaned against the door, lightly pressing her ear to the wood in hopes of hearing anything of the Elric Brother inside. When all she heard was the shuffling of papers, she sighed softly. Involuntairly, her lips pursed, and she kept going on her way to her room at the end of the hall.

`Al just keeps himself locked in there all day. Pretty much EVERY day.'

Closing her door, she leaned headfirst against it and rested her forehead against the white oak.

`Just WHAT is going on with these two?'

“Um…..Winry?”

“EEEEEK! EDWARD, get OUT of here!”

So lost in her thoughts was she that Winry hadn't noticed the state alchemist sitting cross legged on her bed, playing with the tip of his dark gold, braided hair. She spun around to face him, her wet hair sticking to the sides of her face. A bright red flush swept up her neck and she pointed angrily at the door.

“OUT, Ed. I need to get dressed.”

Rolling his eyes to the ceiling, Ed just turned around on the bed so that he was facing the wall.

“I won't look, I promise.”

“I…but, er…you…oh FINE! Like I really care if you're in here, anyways.”

`Though I kind wish you would look. Shit, I sound like a desperate woman…no, Ed's getting better is all that matters now. Maybe later we can pursue other things. If he wants to that is. Argh!! But right now I'm just glad he's here talking to me. Well, I have to change sooner or later…'

The soft rustling of the towel hitting the floor cued Ed that in fact Winry was naked behind him, which made his cock twitch ever so slightly. Clenching his fists into the blankets beneath him, he inhaled.

`Just breathe.'

“Hey Winry, can I ask you something?”

With her bra on and panties half way up her legs, she paused as she still wrestled with the fact that she was practically naked and getting dressed while Ed was sitting not three feet from her. Shaking her head slightly to clear her thoughts, she resumed.

“You can ask me anything Ed, you know that.”

`Ok, bra: check. Panties: check. Shorts: almost check'

“I was wondering, have you…”

`Ok,shorts: check. Now, where's that shirt.'

“…have you…”

The massive amount of rummaging behind him made Ed stop.

`Damnit where are all my clean shirts?! I really need to clean up in here…'

“Hey is everything alright back there Winry? Do you need help with something?”

Before she could answer him, he turned around and immediately went beet red. Winry was standing there, bent over in her closet, the skin of her torso clearly evident as she muttered to herself about the disarray of her room. Gulping back a moan, Ed struggled for words.

`I'm dead. I'm so dead.'

Unbeknownst to him, the gulp he made was audible, and Winry slowly straightened up, fighting her own blush that was threatening to take her over from the neck up.

`It's just Ed, and you've known him forever; besides it's not like he's never seen a bra before. Or has he…whatever.'

Turning around to face him, Winry tried her best to downplay the current situation. Placing her hands on her hips, she tried to ignore the look of shock that was plastered on Ed's face.

“Yep, everything's fine.”

`Just ignore that bulge you see in his pants. Eyes up…good girl. Now, TALK!'

“I'm just having trouble locating a clean shirt. I'll keep looking,”

Turning back around to the closet, she took a quick cleansing breath and kept digging for that illusive article of clothing.

`I did it! Whew. That could've been awkward…ug…'

“Weren't you going to ask me a question, Ed?”

“Oh, right.”

As Winry pulled a clean light blue t-shirt over her head, she turned around again just in time to see Ed's shoulders shudder. Taking a seat on the bed next to him, she slowly slid a hand, then an arm around his waist.

“Winry, I don't know how to ask this, so I'm just going to say it. And I want you to tell me the truth, I can handle it. I just have to know.”

Struggling to not let the panic enter her eyes, she patiently waited for him to continue. And in a voice that seemed too small for him, she strained to hear his words.

“Do you think, that maybe…”

He shuddered again.

“Just maybe…”

She held him tighter.

“That I'm…crazy?”

The silence of the room seemed almost ready to crush them as Winry sat there with a look of disbelief on her face, trying to digest exactly what her closest friend had told her. Ed leaned forward, cupping his face in his hands, and exhaled.

“I know that I've been acting a little…weird…lately.”

Winry leaned in as well and placed her head on his shoulder.

“I just don't know what's wrong with me…these meds aren't working or something. I still feel all fucked up inside.”

`I know there's more, Ed. Come on…you can tell me.'

She gently began to rub small comforting circles on his back, and just waited, silently urging him on. His breath was coming in shorter and shorter gasps, but he pressed on, the words barely above a whisper.

“Every morning, when I wake up, it's like I'm in this grey fog. I don't know how else to explain it. I sleep so much, but I'm always tired; I never feel like eating but yet I'm nauseous when I do; I haven't sparred in weeks, and yet it feels like I just had another battle assessment with General asshole yesterday.”

Pulling his hands down and away from his face, he leaned back on the bed; leg's dangling off the end. Sweeping his bangs out of his eyes, he inhaled and exhaled deeply.

“I feel so numb, to everything…”

Winry scooted back on the bed, and lay down on her side to face him, propping up her head with a hand.

“I want to be happy that we're back…”

He held back the sob that was rising in his throat. Winry didn't miss it, however, and she reached out with her free hand and tightly grasped his. He returned the gesture with a small, pained smile.

“I want to be happy that Al has his body back…”

His breath was coming out in short hiccups now, and the tears that he had been holding back overflowed from his pain filled eyes, and spilt down his cheeks. Feeling his heart beat quicken, he almost tripped over his next words.

“I want to be happy that you're here…I just can't…I don't know why…I think I'm going crazy Winry, I really do…”

“Edward, just take a deep breath.”

His pulse was racing, the adrenaline was coursing through his veins, and the sound of his own heartbeat was pounding in his ears. The panic that had been slowly taking over him now had a strong hold on him, and soon he was lost to the rampant thoughts that had taken over his mind.

`Is this what it feels like to loose your marbles? Why can't I just be…normal…again? I paid the price, Al paid the price; it was all given to equivalency. So why can't I just fucking get on with my life? What else can I, can WE possibly give to make that memory go away…that day…fuck I wish I could forget THAT day, but it was the only path home…'

But through the din a voice cut through.

“EDWARD! FOCUS!”

He took a huge, shaky inhalation, and realized that he had been very close to hyperventilating. As his eyes refocused, he saw that Winry had hauled him to an upright sitting position and was kneeling in front of him on the floor, her eyes frantically searching his for any hint that he was hearing her. Flexing his hands, his human one felt numb from the death-grip he had on the mattress, and his metal one had actually punctured 4 finger holes through to the springs. Finally seeing Winry in front of him, a wave of guilt washed over him as the panic for his well being clearly gripped her eyes. But surprisingly, it didn't show in her voice.

“That's it Ed, just breathe. Nice and even…just breath.”

He exhaled.

“Winry…”

Inhale.

“I'm so sorry…I don't know…”

Exhale.

“I just…”

Inhale.

“Ed, you don't have to tell me any more today if you don't want to. I'm not going anywhere; take as much time as you need to tell me whatever you want.”

`How does she read my mind like that?'

Exhale.

 

 

 

Much love,

The Cerulean Alchemist