Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Grey ❯ Guilt ( Chapter 6 )

 

~I do not own our favorite pint sized alchemist. If I did, I wouldn't have to put these disclaimers up. 

~Feedback, anyone? 

~PS- sorry for the delay on this chapter I had a midterm Monday and it fried my brain.

 

 

 

 

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Chapter 6

Guilt

 

 

 

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The Elric Brother's apartment

9 weeks, one day post return

4:32 pm

 

 

Alphonse Elric slammed his hands down on the chalk array he had drawn on the bedroom floor, and this time when he pulled his hands back, he had splinters from the wooden floor embedded in the fleshy part of his palm. Cringing slightly, he sat back on his heels and sighed as little droplets of blood slowly formed on his skin.

`I know I am so close…damnit…'

Standing up slowly, he stretched his aching limbs as he made his way to the bathroom in search of a pair of tweezers. Crossing the hall into the one bathroom in the house, he could hear the sink water running behind a closed door.

`Ug, figures. I'll just wait.'

Leaning against the wall, Al closed his eyes.

`Why can't I just talk to them?'

The sink shut off.

`I just can't face Ed…will he be disappointed in me?'

“Uh…..Al?”

Winry's voice shook the younger Elric out of his daze.

“Oh, uh, hey Winry. Are you done with the bathroom?”

“Yeah Al, it's all yours; what did you do to your hand?”

The little red droplets had grown on the palm of Al's hand, and now were making a delicate puddle on the floor. His head dropped, and he muttered under his breath,

“I got some splinters in my hand.”

“I can see that, silly. Here, I'll pull them out; it's easier when you have someone else do it.”

Despite some feeble protests, Winry's grip on Al's wrist didn't diminish as she half led, half drug Alphonse in to the bathroom. Plunking him on the edge of the tub, she fished out a pair of tweezers from a bathroom drawer, grabbed a bottle of iodine from under the sink, laid a hand towl across her lap, and got to work.

“So…how'd you do this? These are actually pretty deep.”

Glancing up from her work, Winry blew an errant piece of blonde hair from her face. Since silence greeted her question, she simply asked another.

“You know, it's also been a while since we've hung out. In fact, I hardly see you anymore these days.”

Placing another splinter on the towel, she turned her attention to her friend. Glancing up at her friend, she didn't miss the whisp of emotion cross his dark brown eyes. Lowering her eyes back to her task at hand, she exhaled.

`Maybe today just isn't the day you want to talk, but when you want to I'll be right here, as always.'

Forcing a smile on her face, she gently whipped the remaining blood off Al's hand.

“There, all done.”

“Thanks, Winry.”

“Not a problem, Al; I fix things, it's what I do!”

Standing to clean up the mess in the bathroom, she felt a small tug on her hand. Blue eyes grew wide as she turned back towards Al.

“Winry…if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell Brother”

Kneeling in front of Alphonse, who was still sitting on the edge of the bathtub, Winry had the sudden feeling of déjà vu. Looking out the window to the clear blue sky that the day presented, she felt her mind wanter.

 

~Flashback~

“I want to be happy that Al has his body back…”

“I want to be happy that you're here…I just can't…I don't know why…I think I'm going crazy Winry, I really do…”

“Edward, just take a deep breath.”

“EDWARD! FOCUS!”

Winry had hauled him to an upright sitting position and was kneeling in front of him on the floor, her eyes frantically searching his for any hint that he was hearing her. Finally seeing Winry in front of him, a wave of guilt washed over him as the panic for his well being clearly gripped her eyes. But surprisingly, it didn't show in her voice.

“That's it Ed, just breathe. Nice and even…just breathe.”

 

Blinking as if to clear her head, she let her eyes fall to Alphonse's. The same pain was unmistakably there, but it was so different from the waves of fire that had gripped Edwards a few weeks ago. Brushing a sandy brown lock of hair from his eyes, Winry just knelt on the floor in from of her childhood friend, and waited. Suddenly, Al squeezed her hands, which had somehow found their way to hold his.

`No, he seems so…ashamed. Just hold your tongue, let him talk…'

“Winry, I think that Ed would be ashamed of me right now.”

Bitting the inside of her lip, Winry just squeezed his hands tighter, silently urging him to continue.

“I…I saw the gate.”

Her mouth fell open a faction.

“I saw the gate, and I remember what happened, and I haven't talked to Brother about it. If he knew…he would be ashamed of me.”

Winry felt an empathetic smile tug at the corners of her mouth.

“Al, he's your BROTHER. You love each other; even if you think it's something too big, you know he would forgive you. You're the only…you're the only family he's got.”

She pulled him into a hug.

“I know he'll forgive you. Just talk to him.”

Letting his arms criss-cross her back, a silent sob shook his body.

“I don't know Winry, that's not…that's not the whole story.”

Pulling back, Al let his head fall into his hands and ran his fingers through his short hair. Winry couldn't stop the laughter from entering her eyes.

`Hum, just like Ed.'

Al mumbled something, and not catching all of it, Winry asked him if he wouldn't mind saying it again.

“At the gate, I had a…I had a choice. We both did.”

Sitting back on her heels, she tried not to let the shock cross her face.

`Ed's never talked about that day…gods, I've wanted to know for so long…'

Al leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees.

“I don't know what Ed's choice was…I can guess, but I don't know for sure. But MY choice; that's what he would be ashamed of. I didn't realize that I was doing at the time; it was so bright, there were these little black monsters pulling at me from every direction, I had lost track of Brother…I just wanted to get out of there! But this guilt; it's starting to tear me apart, because I can't find an answer.”

Tears were slowly started to make their way down his face, and they left wet dots on his shirt.

“Instead of the science, instead of ALCHEMY, I chose this body.”

Winry felt a rush of relief engulf her.

`Oh thank god, I thought it was something more than that…'

“I know you don't understand, Winry…I don't expect you to understand. But the science,”

Al released her hands to wipe the wetness on his cheeks.

“the science, that's what DRIVES people like Ed and I. Without that…what am I?”

`I didn't even think of that, Alphonse…'

“I know it's not what defines me, but I can't get that thought out of my head; what am I? Really? We spent all those years searching; and I threw away all that knowledge without a second thought. Think of all the people that I could've helped with alchemy!”

He slammed his hands against the side of the white, porcelain tub in a sudden outburst, making Winry cringe.

“I can't do alchemy anymore!”

“Al…”

He clenched his fists, and a bloody smear was left on the side of the bathtub from this splinter wounds.

“You guys alright in here?”

Al froze, as Winry slowly turned toward the voice that had interrupted their impromptu discussion in the bathroom. Edward was lounging in the doorway, hands in the pockets of his black leather pants.

“I heard something slam and I just wanted to make sure you guys were ok.”

Sensing the tension between the two Brothers, Winry quickly stood, grabbing the bloody splinter-towel.

“Well, I'd better get this in the wash, ya know before it stains; I'll just leave you two alone!”

Backing out of the bathroom, she slid past Ed and gave a quick bow.

“I'll just leave you two alone to talk; it's been so long since the two of you just talked. Bye!”

Turning on her heel, she quickly left, leaving the Brothers alone together for the first time in many weeks.

 

 

 

 

 

The Elric Brother's apartment

The same day

12:03 am

 

 

 

Pacing her room, Winry smoothed out her light blue nightgown for what seemed like the hundredth time, and chewed her lip.

`Shit, I hope those two are ok…maybe I shouldn't have left so quickly this afternoon; I hope Al doesn't feel like I abandoned him or anything.'

After her hasty exit, Winry had left the house, and spent the remainder of the daylight hours wandering the neighborhood, window shopping and taking note of all the cute little café's. When it grew dark she returned home, and seeing the brother's sitting in the living room still deep in conversation, she practically ran to her room and closed the door, not wanting to interrupt their much needed discussion.

`I'm so glad they sat down to talk FINALLY. At least that's one step in the right direction.'

Taking her hair down from it's ponytail, she shook her hair loose as she continued to pace.

`And I hope Ed actually talks to his brother; for all his brains he can still be so dense sometimes.'

Hearing the bedroom door across the hall close, Winry stopped in her tracks, and listened. Just as she suspected, a hesitant, silent knock on her door soon followed. Smoothing her nightgown one last time, she moved towards the door only to find that it was opening.

“Winry? You asleep?”

Closing the distance, she opened the door enough so that Edward could come in.

“No, how could I knowing that you two were out there talking.”

Letting his bangs shield his eyes, Ed moved back towards the door.

“I didn't realize we were keeping you up; I'm sorry I'll leave you alone now.”

“NO!”

Ed turned to face her quickly as a deep red blush crossed Winry's cheeks.

“I meant, no, you weren't keeping me awake. I was just worried about you…two. You don't have to leave.”

Letting her hand reach for his, she gave a gentle tug.

“I'm glad you're here.”

Finally letting his eyes meet hers, he pulled her into an embrace that was almost too quick to register. Releasing the tension from her body, she allowed herself to be engulfed by his, and quietly she let her arms find their way to encircle his back. A metal hand reached up and smoother her hair.

“Winry; thank you.”

Still in his arms, she turned her head up to see his eyes…

`Hey, when did he get taller than me?'

“Thanks for what, Ed?”

Still smoothing her hair, he simply led her to the bed. Since she was ready for bed already, Winry climbed in while Ed deposited his clothes on the floor and climbed in after her. After the first few weeks of sharing the same bed, Ed no longer wore the pajama pants he normally did, and instead just slept in his boxers. Pulling Winry's back against his chest, Ed buried his face in her hair as his metal arm circled her waist.

“Thank you for waiting for us…for me…”

He gave her a small squeeze.

“I know I don't say it nearly enough. And…I should say it more.”

Winry snuggled further into his warm embrace, and unconsciously brought her left hand out from under the pillow and reached for his metal hand that was resting on the bed beside her. Without warning, Ed shoved her away, and when she turned to give him a questioning look he scooted across the bed so that his back was hitting the wall.

“Just…don't…don't do that.”

Winry felt her lower lip quiver as she sat up in bed.

Don't give anything away; be strong…'

But her emotions clearly showed as her voice cracked.

“What Ed, I just wanted to…never mind. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.”

The seconds ticked by loudly as the clock on Winry's wall seemed to be moving in slow motion.

“Winry I just…”

`Ok girl just breathe…breathe…'

“I never thought you would…accept…the automail.”

Questioning blue eyes met his, before he averted them to the bedspread below. More seconds ticked on by, as Ed sat picking at the sheets, and Winry sat trying not to cry. Suddenly, in a whisper, his words found him, though they were almost inaudible.

“The metal, the scars; what they remind everyone of that knows the truth of mine and Al's story…and it's ugly. No offense or anything, because you do great work. But it's just so…”

The soft touch of her hand on his metal one shook him to the core, as his very breath seemed to escape him.

“Ed, there isn't one thing about you that isn't beautiful to me.”

His heartbeat that had been pounding in his chest slowed, and he slid back under the covers. And this time, he let Winry intertwine her fingers with his metal ones, and she draped herself across his chest as they slipped off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

Much Love,

The Cerulean Alchemist