Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Hagane no Renkinjutsushi - Summarized ❯ Episode 19 - Shinjitsu no Oku no Oku ( Chapter 19 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Kinslayer 
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 04.20.2005 | Updated On: 04.20.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.5K | Visits: 709 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 04.20.2005 | Updated On: 04.20.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.5K | Visits: 709 | Status: Completed
Alphonse!Voiceover: Recapping what the Philosopher's Stone is, just in case you forgot what we were after. Hell, with all this talk of casseroles and books, I almost forgot what we were after.
Edward: Despite the expression on my face, I am not actually getting a blow job under the table.
Alphonse: Just tell the audience what you found out about the Philosopher's Stone at the end of the last episode so we can get to the credits.
*Opening credits*
*Title card : The Genuine Truth Behind Truths*
Ross: Major! Don't go up and disturb the Elrics! They're ... um ... tired. Yeah. That's it. Not having sex. Nope, no sex upstairs.
Armstrong: I'll revitalize them then! Sleep is for the weak. I won't bother to explain just why I'm so anxious for them to finish their research.
Ross: They're ... um ... sleeping! Yeah, that's it. Sleeping off ... their ... studying! Not sleeping off sex. I never mentioned sex.
*upstairs*
Edward: ... the configuration of this room we commandeered seems to have changed a lot since the beginning of this episode.
Alphonse: Obviously we moved to a different room. And only brought a small fraction of Marcoh's report with us.
Edward: ... why the hell did we move to a different room?
Alphonse: You can't just give up, Nii-san. Not only would that be very unlike you, it would leave us with thirty-two episodes to fill without the title character.
Ross: Apparently I'm the only person in the world who hasn't yet learned that there is nothing inside Al's armor. Either that, or I've already figured out that Ed eats enough for two.
*later*
Edward: Hey Al, put some WD-40 on that fucking fan, would you? I'm trying to sleep here.
Alphonse: Let's just start over. I know you said that "sugar" must stand for "human life" but you know, maybe that wasn't the correct interpretation.
Edward: I've previously had no problems with punching you out of annoyance, but accidentally throwing a teacup at you out of frustration ... I just can't believe I did that!
Ross: I heard a noise!
Edward: If you'd showed up two hours ago, you would have heard a lot of noises. Now go away.
Ross: Aww, come on Edward, let me be your mother-figure for awhile.
Edward: I don't need a bodyguard, babysitter OR a mother-figure. Especially not one who eavesdrops on me.
Ross: Aww, but I have some really obvious advice to offer.
Edward: ... that works. This answer won't go away if we give up on it or go to sleep. We've come this far, we can't just quit.
Alphonse: YOU were the only one about to give up on it, Nii-san.
Edward: Details! Now, what are we doing?
Alphonse: Figuring out where to head next. Here, let's use this huge map that Broche pulled out of his ass. What's this lab here?
Broche: Oh? The Fifth Laboratory is abandoned. Nothing's going on there.
Edward: Obviously that's where we need to go. Someone give me a red pen to circle it, just in case a random, State Alchemist-hating psychopath were to wander in and wonder where we got off to. Well, come on Al, let's go find ourselves some plot.
Ross: Wait! You can't just go running off by yourselves!
Edward: Why not? That's what we always do.
Ross: Let the adults handle it!
Edward: ... the adults. You mean those underqualified, non-genius, non-alchemist people who don't have any vested interest in our getting what we're looking for, and who aren't the title character, but who happen to be taller than I am?
Ross: Right!
Edward: ... Riiiiiiight. Ooookay, I'll let you handle it. Be sure you close the door on your way out.
Alphonse: Good thing I transmuted this rope earlier for our kinky sex games.
Edward: We'll use our sneaky pose, nobody will see our daring library escape.
*commercial break*
Scieszka: Lt. Colonel, could you PLEASE invest in a typewriter?
Hughes: You don't need a typewriter, what you need are pictures of my daughter! Wait ... you're not a pedophile, are you? These aren't going to turn you on, are they?
Scieszka: Um ...
*at the 5th lab*
Alphonse: Look, there's an alarm.
Edward: For a building that's not in use, they have pretty heavy security. Just in case there's someone in our audience who is not only a cabbage, but also lacks basic reasoning skills.
Alphonse: Nii-san! Now is the time to put my dwarf-tossing skills to use!
Edward: I'm going to overlook that. You know, in a situation like this, I'm kind of glad we don't have normal arms and legs.
Alphonse: If we had normal arms and legs, we wouldn't BE in a situation like this.
Edward: ... oh yeah.
Alphonse: Observe! A convenient vent!
Edward: With no alarm on it! Because nobody expects the chibi alchemist!
*back at the library*
Random Soldier: I learned how to shoot at the Rambo Firing Range.
Scar: WHERE'S MY WHITE WHALE?!
Ross: Holy fuck! He destroyed the STAIRCASE! Quick! Around back! We have to protect Edward, because Edward is the only person Scar cares about killing right now.
Scar: This is where my Arm O' Doom is revealed to double as a tricorder. Oh, look, someone was kind enough to circle the Fifth Lab in red ink!
Edward: You're welcome.
*elsewhere*
Envy: I finished up in Lior, and now I'm here to join the Central orgy.
Lust: Excellent. Morph into Edward first.
Envy!Edward: Sure thing!
Gluttony: I want to eat him!
Lust: That's not the kind of orgy we're talking about, Gluttony.
*meanwhile, back at the lab*
Edward: Fuck, this stress is really starting to get to me, I'm starting to make jokes about my OWN height. Now seems like a great time to start talking to myself randomly as I skulk around the lab. But don't let anyone tell you that I'm mentally ill! You know, the references here will start to take on a whole new meaning in the last episode.
Hohenheim: Junior!
Edward: Gaah! Get out of here, you're not due for twenty-four more episodes!
Number 66: I wish we got cable ...
Number 48: I would be happy if someone had put an extra refractive lens in these things to make the view right-side up.
Edward: Okay, enough playing around with the traps.
Greed: Take note of me!
Edward: Random CG on the door behind me.
Number 48: Welcome! I am your guide to the next leg of the plot, but first you have to defeat me in single combat.
Edward: Excellent. I'd rather fight you automail-blade-to-sword rather than use my uber-alchemy skeelz to graft your feet to the floor or something.
*outside*
Alphonse: Nii-san sure is taking awhile. I didn't think it would take more than ten minutes to completely case the place.
Number 66: I am Mary Lou Retton!
Alphonse: Who are you?
Number 66: Mary Lou Retton, I just said. Oh, all right, you got me, I'm a random combat encounter.
*inside*
Edward: So, got any exposition for me?
Number 48: But of course! I'll give it to you if you defeat me.
Edward: Dammit! People are always making me fight for my exposition!
Number 48: So, you're metal all the way up to your shoulder, are you? My lightsab ... err ... sword will cut through any metal!
Edward: Except, apparently, mine.
*back in Risenbourg*
Winry: Just when you were learning to respect me, I had to go and screw Ed ... or was that forget to screw Ed ...
*back at the lab*
Edward: Good thing I'm not fighting for my life on defective gear or anything. Hey, this guy echoes just like Al!
Number 48: Didn't your mother ever teach you not to go peeking at people's blood seals!?
Edward: Despite the expression on my face, I am not actually getting a blow job under the table.
Alphonse: Just tell the audience what you found out about the Philosopher's Stone at the end of the last episode so we can get to the credits.
*Opening credits*
*Title card : The Genuine Truth Behind Truths*
Ross: Major! Don't go up and disturb the Elrics! They're ... um ... tired. Yeah. That's it. Not having sex. Nope, no sex upstairs.
Armstrong: I'll revitalize them then! Sleep is for the weak. I won't bother to explain just why I'm so anxious for them to finish their research.
Ross: They're ... um ... sleeping! Yeah, that's it. Sleeping off ... their ... studying! Not sleeping off sex. I never mentioned sex.
*upstairs*
Edward: ... the configuration of this room we commandeered seems to have changed a lot since the beginning of this episode.
Alphonse: Obviously we moved to a different room. And only brought a small fraction of Marcoh's report with us.
Edward: ... why the hell did we move to a different room?
Alphonse: You can't just give up, Nii-san. Not only would that be very unlike you, it would leave us with thirty-two episodes to fill without the title character.
Ross: Apparently I'm the only person in the world who hasn't yet learned that there is nothing inside Al's armor. Either that, or I've already figured out that Ed eats enough for two.
*later*
Edward: Hey Al, put some WD-40 on that fucking fan, would you? I'm trying to sleep here.
Alphonse: Let's just start over. I know you said that "sugar" must stand for "human life" but you know, maybe that wasn't the correct interpretation.
Edward: I've previously had no problems with punching you out of annoyance, but accidentally throwing a teacup at you out of frustration ... I just can't believe I did that!
Ross: I heard a noise!
Edward: If you'd showed up two hours ago, you would have heard a lot of noises. Now go away.
Ross: Aww, come on Edward, let me be your mother-figure for awhile.
Edward: I don't need a bodyguard, babysitter OR a mother-figure. Especially not one who eavesdrops on me.
Ross: Aww, but I have some really obvious advice to offer.
Edward: ... that works. This answer won't go away if we give up on it or go to sleep. We've come this far, we can't just quit.
Alphonse: YOU were the only one about to give up on it, Nii-san.
Edward: Details! Now, what are we doing?
Alphonse: Figuring out where to head next. Here, let's use this huge map that Broche pulled out of his ass. What's this lab here?
Broche: Oh? The Fifth Laboratory is abandoned. Nothing's going on there.
Edward: Obviously that's where we need to go. Someone give me a red pen to circle it, just in case a random, State Alchemist-hating psychopath were to wander in and wonder where we got off to. Well, come on Al, let's go find ourselves some plot.
Ross: Wait! You can't just go running off by yourselves!
Edward: Why not? That's what we always do.
Ross: Let the adults handle it!
Edward: ... the adults. You mean those underqualified, non-genius, non-alchemist people who don't have any vested interest in our getting what we're looking for, and who aren't the title character, but who happen to be taller than I am?
Ross: Right!
Edward: ... Riiiiiiight. Ooookay, I'll let you handle it. Be sure you close the door on your way out.
Alphonse: Good thing I transmuted this rope earlier for our kinky sex games.
Edward: We'll use our sneaky pose, nobody will see our daring library escape.
*commercial break*
Scieszka: Lt. Colonel, could you PLEASE invest in a typewriter?
Hughes: You don't need a typewriter, what you need are pictures of my daughter! Wait ... you're not a pedophile, are you? These aren't going to turn you on, are they?
Scieszka: Um ...
*at the 5th lab*
Alphonse: Look, there's an alarm.
Edward: For a building that's not in use, they have pretty heavy security. Just in case there's someone in our audience who is not only a cabbage, but also lacks basic reasoning skills.
Alphonse: Nii-san! Now is the time to put my dwarf-tossing skills to use!
Edward: I'm going to overlook that. You know, in a situation like this, I'm kind of glad we don't have normal arms and legs.
Alphonse: If we had normal arms and legs, we wouldn't BE in a situation like this.
Edward: ... oh yeah.
Alphonse: Observe! A convenient vent!
Edward: With no alarm on it! Because nobody expects the chibi alchemist!
*back at the library*
Random Soldier: I learned how to shoot at the Rambo Firing Range.
Scar: WHERE'S MY WHITE WHALE?!
Ross: Holy fuck! He destroyed the STAIRCASE! Quick! Around back! We have to protect Edward, because Edward is the only person Scar cares about killing right now.
Scar: This is where my Arm O' Doom is revealed to double as a tricorder. Oh, look, someone was kind enough to circle the Fifth Lab in red ink!
Edward: You're welcome.
*elsewhere*
Envy: I finished up in Lior, and now I'm here to join the Central orgy.
Lust: Excellent. Morph into Edward first.
Envy!Edward: Sure thing!
Gluttony: I want to eat him!
Lust: That's not the kind of orgy we're talking about, Gluttony.
*meanwhile, back at the lab*
Edward: Fuck, this stress is really starting to get to me, I'm starting to make jokes about my OWN height. Now seems like a great time to start talking to myself randomly as I skulk around the lab. But don't let anyone tell you that I'm mentally ill! You know, the references here will start to take on a whole new meaning in the last episode.
Hohenheim: Junior!
Edward: Gaah! Get out of here, you're not due for twenty-four more episodes!
Number 66: I wish we got cable ...
Number 48: I would be happy if someone had put an extra refractive lens in these things to make the view right-side up.
Edward: Okay, enough playing around with the traps.
Greed: Take note of me!
Edward: Random CG on the door behind me.
Number 48: Welcome! I am your guide to the next leg of the plot, but first you have to defeat me in single combat.
Edward: Excellent. I'd rather fight you automail-blade-to-sword rather than use my uber-alchemy skeelz to graft your feet to the floor or something.
*outside*
Alphonse: Nii-san sure is taking awhile. I didn't think it would take more than ten minutes to completely case the place.
Number 66: I am Mary Lou Retton!
Alphonse: Who are you?
Number 66: Mary Lou Retton, I just said. Oh, all right, you got me, I'm a random combat encounter.
*inside*
Edward: So, got any exposition for me?
Number 48: But of course! I'll give it to you if you defeat me.
Edward: Dammit! People are always making me fight for my exposition!
Number 48: So, you're metal all the way up to your shoulder, are you? My lightsab ... err ... sword will cut through any metal!
Edward: Except, apparently, mine.
*back in Risenbourg*
Winry: Just when you were learning to respect me, I had to go and screw Ed ... or was that forget to screw Ed ...
*back at the lab*
Edward: Good thing I'm not fighting for my life on defective gear or anything. Hey, this guy echoes just like Al!
Number 48: Didn't your mother ever teach you not to go peeking at people's blood seals!?