Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Hagane no Renkinjutsushi - Summarized ❯ Episode 18 - Marcoh Note ( Chapter 18 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Kinslayer 
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 04.09.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.5K | Visits: 761 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 04.09.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.5K | Visits: 761 | Status: Completed
Lust: Carrying open candles around a building full of highly flammable old paper seems like a great idea. Much more reasonable than bringing a lantern. Let's make sure the candles are as long and accident-prone as possible while we're at it.
Scar: Why am I here?
Lust: The network called and said that the spar between Armstrong and the Elrics in the last episode didn't satisfy that episode's violence requirement. So you and I and Gluttony are going to make up the difference. Oh, and here, have some extraneous exposition.
Gluttony: Nobody ever thinks about the poor librarian staining my teeth.
*Opening credits*
*Title card : Marco Note*
Edward: Central City - the heart of both the nation's government and the nation's prostitution industry!
Ross: Major Armstrong, we've come to pick you up.
Armstrong: Oh good. I was getting tired of treating the Elrics like children. You treat them like children from now on.
Alphonse: Wow, we haven't seen this running joke in awhile.
Edward: I don't need bodyguards! Or babysitters!
Alphonse: Don't take it personally. He's always a jerk.
Armstrong: I'm in love with the Elrics!
Audience: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ross: I have exposition about the destruction of the First Sector Branch. It goes like this: YOU JUST MISSED IT! NEENER NEENER NEEEEENER!
*at headquarters*
Hughes: We haven't seen this running joke in awhile either.
Mustang: That thing you're doing with your feet is frightening me. I should have gelded you.
Hughes: Okay okay, here's your exposition about Scar. We have reason to believe that he's running around somewhere naked.
Mustang: ...
Hughes: Now hurry up and get married!
Hawkeye: Colonel! Act your age!
*at the Central Library Main Branch*
Librarian #1: These are all the books we were able to find. We're showing them to you first because alchemists get a crack at texts in ascending order of height.
Edward: Maybe someone borrowed Marcoh's books?
Librarian #2: It's possible, but all the records of who borrowed what were destroyed in the fire.
State Alchemists Everywhere: WAAAHOOO! THAT MEANS THIS BOOK I BORROWED IS NOW MINE!
Edward: If only I could verify that it was there in the first place ... who else worked there? Because I fully expect that at least one of you librarians would be able to recall to mind a single obscure alchemical text out of a whole building full of alchemical texts.
Librarian #2: Only State Alchemists were able to access the First Sector Branch. Well, State Alchemists and we civilian wage slaves.
Edward: But I remember another girl there. We exchanged one line of dialogue almost four years ago. A big deal will be made out of Scieszka's memory in a couple of minutes, but my own clearly supernatural memory will be given a pass.
*at Scieszka's place*
Edward: Helloooo, Avon calling!
Broche: Nobody home ...
Edward: Let's just break in. The plot demands it. Oh, check it out, she's buried under her books. It's convenient that we showed up when we did, isn't it now?
Scieszka: Books are better than cocaine.
Edward: A woman after my own heart! Not to interrupt your angst or anything, but can we get back to my problem?
Scieszka: Of course I remember your book. This scene has a lot of convenience, doesn't it?
Edward: Nevermind that. Hey, Scieszka, can I use your floor to practice?
Scieszka: Practice what?
Edward: Ummm ... nevermind. No, no, please don't go into your angst again. You're a minor character, and while Al and I get whole episodes devoted to our angst, nobody cares about yours.
*back at the First Sector Branch*
Edward: I guess I should have tried this transmuting-the-ashes-back-into-books thing when I first thought of it. Oh well, I can get some more practice in.
Scieszka: More convenience, coming through!
*three days later*
Scieszka: When I said it was a thick handwritten volume, I really meant that it was an encyclopedia.
*commercial break*
Ross: I need to try this recipe for French Toast ... oops, we're calling that Freedom Toast now, aren't we?
Edward: Only if you think like a first-grader. Behold, I am an alchemist, and I know that this recipe for meat and cornbread casserole is actually instructions on how to draw a phoenix array.
Alphonse: You're going to be surprised when you use that array and end up with a tasty dinner that serves four.
Edward: Hey, Lt. Ross, head down to the State Alchemist Organization and transfer Scieszka some cash out of my research funds. This is the only mention of this organization that will ever be made.
Broche: Wow, that's a lot of cash for a fifteen-year-old. He really is a State Alchemist. The fact that he has this silver watch and the way the First Sector Branch librarians did whatever he wanted didn't clue me in before.
Scieszka: Although I said something earlier about sending money to my sick mother, we all know I'm going to spend it, like any addict, on my drug of choice.
Ross: Wait! Where are you going?
Edward: Just for the sake of the audience, I'll tell you that we're going to go crash in the Main Branch for awhile.
Ross: You can't do that. It's not safe there.
Edward: Screw you. I outrank you.
Alphonse: I'm sorry. My brother only seems like a jerk until you get to know him and learn the depths of his angst.
*at the Main Branch*
Edward: Time to explain why we're going to be spending time on a giant encyclopedia of recipes. It's a shame the anime neglected to mention that I encrypt my own notes as a matter of habit, and so do most other State Alchemists. By the way, these lines were for the cabbages in the audience.
Main Branch Librarians: We're used to alchemists doing bizarre things like taking over an upstairs room for days and days.
Edward: I thought I could decipher this easily!
Alphonse: Consider this a necessary reality-check for your ego, O State Alchemist Who Thinks He Doesn't Need My Help.
Hughes: Here I am, for no reason except that I care.
Ross: Lt. Colonel, maybe you can talk some sense into Ed.
Hughes: Yeah, that's likely ... You should talk to Armstrong instead.
Edward, Ross and Audience together: NOOOOOO!
Hughes: It's a shame that all the records on the Scar case were in the First Sector Branch. Where I couldn't have gotten ahold of them anyway because only State Alchemists are allowed in there.
Edward: Come on, Lt. Colonel! We're really close. Here, how about if I pimp Scieszka out to you?
Hughes: That works! I'm not even upset in the slightest that this civilian chick was reading classified investigation files.
Scieszka: It sure is a good thing I worked there long enough to have files in my memory banks that are recent enough to be useful. I guess that thing about me having been fired some time ago was a slight stretch of the truth.
Edward: Now, about sending me back to headquarters ...
Ross: Lt. Colonel, you can't be serious about letting him stay in the library.
Hughes: There's something you need to learn about the military, Lieutenant. It's all about people with testicles doing favors for other people with testicles.
*elsewhere*
Scar: Time to give you a glimpse of my angst, and recap the fight that destroyed the library. We'll go into more detail this time, in order to fill the violence quota.
Rick: Get a good look at me, I may seem like a throwaway minor character but ... okay, that's what I am. But I'll have angst later! I promise!
Elder: Nobody really cares about what's going on with the Ishbalites of the world, but I'll explain it anyway. We need to fill some time until Edward deciphers Marcoh's report.
*back at the Main Branch*
Edward: I just did. And dammit, it looks like it's something my morals won't let me pursue. Get a good look at my crotch and try not to imagine those bicycle shorts I've got next to my skin.
Ross: My own morals don't prevent me from eavesdropping.
*back at the Ishbal enclave*
Rick: You're leaving?
Scar: Yeah, I have a small white whale to kill.
Scar: Why am I here?
Lust: The network called and said that the spar between Armstrong and the Elrics in the last episode didn't satisfy that episode's violence requirement. So you and I and Gluttony are going to make up the difference. Oh, and here, have some extraneous exposition.
Gluttony: Nobody ever thinks about the poor librarian staining my teeth.
*Opening credits*
*Title card : Marco Note*
Edward: Central City - the heart of both the nation's government and the nation's prostitution industry!
Ross: Major Armstrong, we've come to pick you up.
Armstrong: Oh good. I was getting tired of treating the Elrics like children. You treat them like children from now on.
Alphonse: Wow, we haven't seen this running joke in awhile.
Edward: I don't need bodyguards! Or babysitters!
Alphonse: Don't take it personally. He's always a jerk.
Armstrong: I'm in love with the Elrics!
Audience: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ross: I have exposition about the destruction of the First Sector Branch. It goes like this: YOU JUST MISSED IT! NEENER NEENER NEEEEENER!
*at headquarters*
Hughes: We haven't seen this running joke in awhile either.
Mustang: That thing you're doing with your feet is frightening me. I should have gelded you.
Hughes: Okay okay, here's your exposition about Scar. We have reason to believe that he's running around somewhere naked.
Mustang: ...
Hughes: Now hurry up and get married!
Hawkeye: Colonel! Act your age!
*at the Central Library Main Branch*
Librarian #1: These are all the books we were able to find. We're showing them to you first because alchemists get a crack at texts in ascending order of height.
Edward: Maybe someone borrowed Marcoh's books?
Librarian #2: It's possible, but all the records of who borrowed what were destroyed in the fire.
State Alchemists Everywhere: WAAAHOOO! THAT MEANS THIS BOOK I BORROWED IS NOW MINE!
Edward: If only I could verify that it was there in the first place ... who else worked there? Because I fully expect that at least one of you librarians would be able to recall to mind a single obscure alchemical text out of a whole building full of alchemical texts.
Librarian #2: Only State Alchemists were able to access the First Sector Branch. Well, State Alchemists and we civilian wage slaves.
Edward: But I remember another girl there. We exchanged one line of dialogue almost four years ago. A big deal will be made out of Scieszka's memory in a couple of minutes, but my own clearly supernatural memory will be given a pass.
*at Scieszka's place*
Edward: Helloooo, Avon calling!
Broche: Nobody home ...
Edward: Let's just break in. The plot demands it. Oh, check it out, she's buried under her books. It's convenient that we showed up when we did, isn't it now?
Scieszka: Books are better than cocaine.
Edward: A woman after my own heart! Not to interrupt your angst or anything, but can we get back to my problem?
Scieszka: Of course I remember your book. This scene has a lot of convenience, doesn't it?
Edward: Nevermind that. Hey, Scieszka, can I use your floor to practice?
Scieszka: Practice what?
Edward: Ummm ... nevermind. No, no, please don't go into your angst again. You're a minor character, and while Al and I get whole episodes devoted to our angst, nobody cares about yours.
*back at the First Sector Branch*
Edward: I guess I should have tried this transmuting-the-ashes-back-into-books thing when I first thought of it. Oh well, I can get some more practice in.
Scieszka: More convenience, coming through!
*three days later*
Scieszka: When I said it was a thick handwritten volume, I really meant that it was an encyclopedia.
*commercial break*
Ross: I need to try this recipe for French Toast ... oops, we're calling that Freedom Toast now, aren't we?
Edward: Only if you think like a first-grader. Behold, I am an alchemist, and I know that this recipe for meat and cornbread casserole is actually instructions on how to draw a phoenix array.
Alphonse: You're going to be surprised when you use that array and end up with a tasty dinner that serves four.
Edward: Hey, Lt. Ross, head down to the State Alchemist Organization and transfer Scieszka some cash out of my research funds. This is the only mention of this organization that will ever be made.
Broche: Wow, that's a lot of cash for a fifteen-year-old. He really is a State Alchemist. The fact that he has this silver watch and the way the First Sector Branch librarians did whatever he wanted didn't clue me in before.
Scieszka: Although I said something earlier about sending money to my sick mother, we all know I'm going to spend it, like any addict, on my drug of choice.
Ross: Wait! Where are you going?
Edward: Just for the sake of the audience, I'll tell you that we're going to go crash in the Main Branch for awhile.
Ross: You can't do that. It's not safe there.
Edward: Screw you. I outrank you.
Alphonse: I'm sorry. My brother only seems like a jerk until you get to know him and learn the depths of his angst.
*at the Main Branch*
Edward: Time to explain why we're going to be spending time on a giant encyclopedia of recipes. It's a shame the anime neglected to mention that I encrypt my own notes as a matter of habit, and so do most other State Alchemists. By the way, these lines were for the cabbages in the audience.
Main Branch Librarians: We're used to alchemists doing bizarre things like taking over an upstairs room for days and days.
Edward: I thought I could decipher this easily!
Alphonse: Consider this a necessary reality-check for your ego, O State Alchemist Who Thinks He Doesn't Need My Help.
Hughes: Here I am, for no reason except that I care.
Ross: Lt. Colonel, maybe you can talk some sense into Ed.
Hughes: Yeah, that's likely ... You should talk to Armstrong instead.
Edward, Ross and Audience together: NOOOOOO!
Hughes: It's a shame that all the records on the Scar case were in the First Sector Branch. Where I couldn't have gotten ahold of them anyway because only State Alchemists are allowed in there.
Edward: Come on, Lt. Colonel! We're really close. Here, how about if I pimp Scieszka out to you?
Hughes: That works! I'm not even upset in the slightest that this civilian chick was reading classified investigation files.
Scieszka: It sure is a good thing I worked there long enough to have files in my memory banks that are recent enough to be useful. I guess that thing about me having been fired some time ago was a slight stretch of the truth.
Edward: Now, about sending me back to headquarters ...
Ross: Lt. Colonel, you can't be serious about letting him stay in the library.
Hughes: There's something you need to learn about the military, Lieutenant. It's all about people with testicles doing favors for other people with testicles.
*elsewhere*
Scar: Time to give you a glimpse of my angst, and recap the fight that destroyed the library. We'll go into more detail this time, in order to fill the violence quota.
Rick: Get a good look at me, I may seem like a throwaway minor character but ... okay, that's what I am. But I'll have angst later! I promise!
Elder: Nobody really cares about what's going on with the Ishbalites of the world, but I'll explain it anyway. We need to fill some time until Edward deciphers Marcoh's report.
*back at the Main Branch*
Edward: I just did. And dammit, it looks like it's something my morals won't let me pursue. Get a good look at my crotch and try not to imagine those bicycle shorts I've got next to my skin.
Ross: My own morals don't prevent me from eavesdropping.
*back at the Ishbal enclave*
Rick: You're leaving?
Scar: Yeah, I have a small white whale to kill.