Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Aishiteru...Zutto ❯ Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Nuh-uh. Still don't own Fushigi Yuugi or Tasuki and Chichiri.

Rating: This part R

Authors Note: I can't believe how long it's been since I updated this. I have been so busy, but now I think I'll finally have more time to write. I had something to post about a month ago, but I decided to go with a different plot, and it had to be re-written. So now that I've finally figured out where this fic is going, and given the plot a major overhaul I should be able to get a part out once a week or so. It's starting to take a decidedly darker turn in future chapters, although I do promise to have a somewhat if not totally happy ending.

For another note, I've never seen the entire Fushigi Yuugi series. Well, I've seen the original series but not the OAV's, and I really don't know what happened in them. I try not to read spoilers on it, with the exception of fics. Even then, I'm probably going to get a lot of things wrong, so I'll just say that my version of events veers off from the end of the series, ending up different then the OAV's.

//Chichiri's thoughts//

*Tasuki's thoughts*

Italics mean dreams or visions

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Chichiri was perched on a flat rock at the edge of the river. His mask was off, lying to the side, along with his kesa. The monk's attention was fixed solely on the task at hand. He was fishing, needing, despite Tasuki's quite vocal protests, to catch the two of them something for dinner.

Wedging the pole between a couple of stones, Chichiri leaned back, resting his weight on his hands. It was quiet, the only sounds to disturb him were those of nature. He smiled when he figured out why everything was so silent. Tasuki was Suzaku only knows where. //Probably off sulking about dinner and trying to find something else to eat.//

Chichiri allowed himself to take in the scenery. They were close to the mountains, the setting sun casting a halo of pink, purple, and orange around the jagged peaks. It was still warm out, a hot, dry breeze stirring his bangs. The branches of a giant old oak threw shadows across the sparkling water.

He let his eye drift shut, trusting himself to hear the bell attached to the line should anything bite. With his mind concentrating on the sound of the gurgling water flowing by his feet, the feel of an arm snaking around his waist caught the monk off guard. Stiffening, it took a moment to realize that it was Tasuki's arm that was hugging him. Gentle fingers brushed Chichiri's ponytail to the side, the light blue strands falling over his shoulder. Soft lips pressed against the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine. He relaxed instantly, his body going completely lax in the comforting circle of the other man's embrace. A small flick of Tasuki's tongue made Chichiri jerk. He reached for Tasuki, hand closing around one arm. He tugged the younger man around until he was sitting in Chichiri's lap. Slim legs wrapped around his middle, arms coming up to clasp together behind Chichiri's neck. The bandit pulled him closer, meshing their lips together, tongue teasing Chichiri's lips apart.

Chichiri moved his hands to the hem of Tasuki's shirt, sliding underneath and up his sides, fingers dancing along the soft skin of his ribs. He sought out a nipple, pinching the bit of flesh, loving how the nub hardened under his touch. //So responsive.// Tasuki groaned, allowing Chichiri to thrust his tongue into the other seishi's mouth, tasting the unique flavor that belonged to Tasuki alone.

Tasuki's shirt was bunched under his arms, and it took very little effort to convince him to raise them, letting Chichiri pull the garment off and throw it aside. Now all that soft tanned flesh, overlaying firm muscle, was exposed for him to explore. Running his hands along Tasuki's bare chest, brushing over the hardened nipples, caused Tasuki to gasp. Amber eyes fluttered closed, and his head was tossed back. Chichiri mourned the loss of Tasuki's lips for a moment before latching onto his throat, suckling softly. Tasuki bucked, grinding his pelvis down onto Chichiri's. The older man moaned as Tasuki's hardness brushed along his own stiff member.

Chichiri's lips trailed up the red head's neck, tracing a path over his jaw to suck at his earlobe, tongue circling the earring dangling there. While he had Tasuki distracted his own shirt joined Tasuki's on the ground. With some skillful maneuvering Chichiri managed to turn them around. A gentle shove had Tasuki lying prone on his back in the cool grass. Leaning over him, straddling the bandit's thighs, Chichiri untied Tasuki's pants. Tasuki's fingers were working on getting the monks own pants off. Wanting to still the wandering digits, Chichiri caught the slender wrists in one of his own hands, pinning them above Tasuki's head. With one hand still firmly holding the bandit immobile, the other returned to the task of removing Tasuki's pants. He tugged at the garment, easing the fabric over the straining erection trapped inside, which sprung free from its cloth confines.

He kissed his way down the bandit's defined chest, his tongue laving wet, meaningless patterns across toned flesh. He could hear the small gasps, feel the quickening heartbeat beneath his hand. Chichiri's tongue swirled around the sensitized skin of Tasuki's navel, before dipping inside, wrenching a moan from the younger man.

Abandoning his hold on Tasuki's wrists, Chichiri's hands slid down the lithe body to grasp his hips. Chichiri's fingers traced tiny circles on the tender skin of Tasuki's inner thighs, gently caressing, creeping ever closer to his ultimate goal. His heated gaze took in the sight before him. Tasuki was withering in pleasure beneath him, lust filled eyes following his every movement. His cheeks were flushed with arousal, kiss bruised mouth hanging open, panting in desire. The bandit's body shone with a light sheen of sweat. The monk's gaze inevitably strayed to Tasuki's groin. The physical evidence of his need was literally staring Chichiri in the face, what with his position leaving him hovering a mere few inches above Tasuki's leaking shaft. His eyes hungrily followed the path a small drop of pre-cum made, dripping from the slick head. Chichiri's tenuous control over himself snapped, and he couldn't resist leaning down to lap up the fluid.

Before he had time to savor the taste of Tasuki, and appreciate the throaty moan his action had produced, Chichiri heard something he'd thought would never reach his ears again.

"Houjun?" The soft feminine voice questioned.

His stunned mind didn't even have time to register what he was hearing before the warm flesh underneath his body was gone, leaving him clutching handfuls of grass. A startled cry escaped his throat and he whirled around, neck craning painfully to stare at the source of the voice. Eye widening in disbelief Chichiri stammered, his voice strangled,

"Kou…Kouran?"

//Masaka! This cannot be happening.// A smile and a nod of her head was his answer. "What are you doing here?"

"I felt it was about time that I talked to you about a few things." Her gaze lingered pointedly on the spot Tasuki had occupied only moments before.

"Oh." Flushing, Chichiri realized he was half naked. Groping blindly, he found and pulled on his top, trying to smooth out the wrinkles, anything to avoid looking at her until he'd composed himself better.

Finally meeting her eyes Chichiri tried to gauge her emotions. Her expression was carefully guarded, not giving him any insight as to what she was really feeling. "Do you not approve of Tasuki? I can't help but think I've wronged you, betraying you with my love for Tasuki. I don't believe that I deserve another chance, not after how badly I messed up with you and Hikou."

Kouran shook her head, a sympathetic smile gracing her lips. "I was mistaken before, when I addressed you as Houjun. You are no longer the man I once knew as Ri Houjun. That part of you was lost to me forever that day long ago. You're Chichiri now, a member of the Suzaku Shichiseishi, loyal protector of the Suzaku no Miko. I came here today for one reason only. To tell you that above all else, I want you to be happy, that it's all I've ever wanted for you. You've been alone for far too long, my love. And believe it or not, I cannot think of another living person who could make you happier then Tasuki. Please don't let your life go to waste because you didn't act on your impulses. Live your life the way you are entitled to Chichiri, full of love and joy."

Her image started to fade then, becoming ghost like, until even the outline of her frame was barely visible. Panicking, he flung out his right arm, reaching for her, but his outstretched hand passed right through her. "Kouran, onegai! Don't leave, I don't want you to go yet. Kouran!"

As the last traces of his fiancée faded, Chichiri's arm dropped, falling into his lap. "Kouran…did you really mean what you said…?"

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Tasuki sighed for what he figured had to have been the hundredth time that night. The fact that he was actually sharing a bed with Chichiri was both a dream come true and one of his worst nightmares all rolled into one. That he was here in the same bed was nigh miraculous, but he couldn't even pull Chichiri into his arms without a bunch of embarrassing questions being raised in the morning, and that was absolute torture. *Oh Suzaku, what'd I fuckin' do ta deserve this. Gomen nasai. Whatever horrible thing I did I'm fuckin' sorry fer it.*

Tasuki rolled onto his side, propping his head on one hand, staring at the gorgeous vision before him. Sometime while he hadn't been paying attention, Chichiri had shifted his position so he was facing Tasuki. His head was pillowed on his right arm, left hand curled up beneath his chin. *He looks…not happy exactly…demo…content, yeah, content.*

Finally giving in to the urge he's had since the monk first fell asleep, Tasuki reached out with one slightly shaking hand. He hesitated a moment before letting his fingers brush across Chichiri's temple, pushing aside the limp bangs partially hiding his face. A finger traced the jagged scar across Chichiri's eye, following the raised tissue to the bridge of his nose, then moving down to caress a pale cheek, thumb stroking the soft flesh. *So beautiful.*

Chichiri moaned suddenly, and Tasuki jerked his arm sharply, bringing it back to his side. *Oh shit. Don' be wakin' up.*

Instead of the mahogany eye he expected to flutter open, all the monk did was shift slightly, sighing softly, a tiny smile on his lips. *He's dreamin', ain't he? Wonder what it's about. It's gotta be good, 'cause Chiri sure seems ta be enjoyin' himself.* His hope once again began to flare. *What if he's dreamin' 'bout me. I mean, we are in bed together, an' all the time we were on the road he ain't ever had dreams like this, I think. So…maybe it's me…maybe I'm the reason Chiri's havin' thoughts like that, 'cause he's so close ta me.*

When Chichiri called out, all of Tasuki's fragile hope was shattered. "Kou…Kouran!"

Devastated, the bandit's heart sank. *Why'd I even bother? It's obvious Chiri's still in love with Kouran. What kinda chance would I have had? Kouran's a woman, an' last time I checked I was a guy, so Chiri'd never go fer me.*

Tasuki bit his lip, trying to prevent the sobs that threatened to make themselves heard. One fang dug into his bottom lip, deep enough for him to taste the coppery tang of blood. Tasuki could feel it, the all-encompassing despair that swirled within his body. Looking at the sleeping monk was suddenly excruciatingly painful. He turned, facing the wall, choking back sobs and blinking back tears, refusing to allow them to be shed.

His silently shuddering frame seemed to be waking Chichiri up, he was shifting constantly, agitated, the fingers of his right hand twitching. Not wanting to bother him, Tasuki slipped out of the bed. Standing at the foot, he turned his blurred vision towards the man he loves. *I wish ya would take that mask of yours off more often. Actually, I jus' wish ya wouldn' wear that fuckin' piece of paper at all. 'Cause…even if I can' be with ya, yer lettin' me be able ta see the real mood yer in will help me keep ya happy. That's all I want Chiri…is fer ya ta be happy…with, or without me. I can live with that, I guess, jus' bein' yer friend. Fer now at least, though I don' know how long it'll be 'fore I fuckin' loose control an' do something I'll regret.*

Tasuki's hands tightened into fists at his side, a familiar fanged, cocky grin crossed his features. *'Sides, I ain't plannin' on givin' up on ya jus' yet Chiri. Not till ya punch me in the face an' say yer never gonna give me a shot. Until that happens yer stuck with me. I might be a baka, but I'm a damn stubborn baka.*

A snort of amusement broke the previous quiet of the room. Tasuki brought a hand to his mouth, trying in vain to smother his laughter. *I gotta get out of here. Don' want Chiri ta wake up an' ask why I'm losin' it.*

Suppressing another snicker Tasuki slinked quietly towards the door, easily avoiding walking into the sparse furniture, his eyes already having been adjusted to the dark. After one last longing look towards the bed, Tasuki opened the door just enough to slip through. He made sure to be careful when he closed it behind him, being as silent as possible.

Walking through the dimly lit hallways, Tasuki never encountered any of his men. Leaving the building altogether the red head traveled a well-worn path until he reached a small clearing.

A small pond was situated near the middle, surrounded by tall reeds. Years ago Tasuki had managed, with Chichiri's help, to drag a couple of large rocks to the edge of the pond, effectively creating a crude pair of chairs. A lone tree stood ten feet from the little pool. It was an ancient willow tree, the only one, as far as he knew, on the entire mountain.

Bypassing the crystal blue water Tasuki plopped down underneath the tree, leaning against the trunk, legs splayed out in front of him. Tasuki ran a hand through his hair, mussing up the already unruly locks. "Geez…Kouji, man…I don' think I can do this any fuckin' longer. I know I made a promise ta ya…but I guess I actually am a coward. Heh, looks like you were right after all. You always were the smarter one outta us, you seen this comin' way 'fore I did, didn'cha?"

Sighing, Tasuki let his head fall back, hitting the trunk with a small thud. "Man, I miss ya buddy. I really wish ya were still here. You'd kick my ass till I fessed up ta Chiri, I'd bet. Why'd ya have ta die Kouji?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trees flashed by in a green and brown blur as Tasuki used the speed, that had saved his own life so many times, to try to save another. He didn't care how much noise he was making, crashing through the brush, twigs and rotting leaves snapping and crunching beneath his feet. Low branches stung his face, long red welts forming on the tanned flesh. Tasuki ignored the slight pain, it was inconsequential compared to the feelings coming from his ribs. Every step he took was met with burning agony, the arrow imbedded in his side twisting, each jar causing more blood to spill, soaking his shirt and running sluggishly down his side.

There was no time to dwell on the injury though, nor was there time for stealth. Kouji was depending on him. *This is my fault. I know it is. I should've known those assholes were goin' ta attack us sooner or later, and since Chiri ain't here they sure picked a damn great time ta try ta wipe us out. I fucked up, let all the guys down, an' now Kouji's in trouble.*

Tasuki gripped his tessen tighter, knuckles turning white, his anger growing, both at the enemy bandits and himself. Finally making it close to where he knew Kouji would be, Tasuki grit his teeth, readying himself for battle and whatever else he might find. Bursting into the area his stomach gave a painful lurch at the sight that greeted him. Kouji was kneeling on the blood splattered ground, daggers still grasped in his shaking fists, his face screwed up in a look of intense suffering.

It didn't look like Tasuki was going to be needing his tessen any time soon. Kouji had obviously taken care of this area before he'd gotten there. Lying scattered around were the bodies of at least ten bandits. A quick scan had Tasuki reassured that they weren't his men. His gaze strayed back to his best friend.

Letting one knife clatter to the ground, Kouji wrapped an arm around his middle and it was then that Tasuki noticed how dark his friend's shirt was, and how pale the normally deeply tanned skin was. The scarred bandit raised his eyes, acknowledging Tasuki's presence, managing a small smile. Amber eyes widened in horror and panic, as Kouji's grip on the other dagger loosened, then fell from nerveless fingers.

Ignoring the fact that there could have been someone lurking around, ready to kill him, Tasuki rushed to Kouji's side, dropping down onto his knees, the tesson falling, forgotten. Swallowing hard, gathering his courage, Tasuki pried Kouji's arm from the wound. He bit back his initial response to gasp, and instead squeezed his eyes shut, trying to dispel the urge to throw up. There was a long, deep slash across Kouji's torso, leading from just under his ribs on the left side to his waist on the right side. The blood was dark, near black, and Tasuki fought the urge to whimper. From what he'd managed to learn from Mitsukake, that was a very bad sign. He could practically remember Mitsukake's deep voice answering a question he'd asked all those years ago. "If the blood is that dark Tasuki, it usually means the liver has been punctured."

He did whimper then, remembering that the second question Mitsukake had answered for him had been that there is no way to save someone with an injury like that, except for Mitsukake's own healing powers. *But he's not here, an' I can't do a damn thing ta save my best friend, the guy whose saved my ass more times then I can count.*

The shock and the weakness from blood loss finally affected Kouji. He swayed dangerously before toppling backwards, prevented from hitting the ground only by Tasuki, who caught him. Tasuki cradled the other man's body to his, Kouji's back pressed against his chest, lower body halfway propped on his upper thighs. He pressed both hands against the heavily bleeding wound, trying to stop or at least slow the flow. As soon as Kouji was in his arms, he could tell immediately that Kouji wasn't going to last too much longer. He wasn't nearly as warm as he should have been, especially since he'd been fighting and it was a hot day. Kouji definitely wasn't as warm as Tasuki remembered the man being.

A shift in Kouji's position shook him from his thoughts, the wound in his side angrily reminding him that it was still there and not going to tolerate being ignored. Determined to be focused on just Kouji alone, Tasuki used every trick he'd ever picked up from Chichiri to distance himself from the pain singing across his nerves. One hand sought out and found one of Kouji's, and he twined their fingers together, desperately clinging to him. The blood that covered his hand made his grip slick, making it harder to hold onto Kouji. Swallowing back bile, Tasuki opened his mouth to speak for the first time since finding Kouji. Before he could get any words past the lump in his throat, Kouji gave a sharp gasp, twisting enough to be able to look Tasuki in the eyes. "Gomen nasai, Tasuki. I didn't mean to let those bastards get a hit in."

Tasuki shook his head frantically, tears threatening to fall. "Not yer fault, buddy. It's not yer fault, never yer fault."

Kouji's eyes narrowed, his grip on Tasuki's hand tightening. "Tasuki." His voice was firm, reprimand clear in the tone. "This is not your fault. Unless I've gone nuts, you weren't one of those guys that attacked us, and I'd be pretty damn impressed if you would've known that they were coming today."

"I should 'a been able ta keep ya safe. Ya shouldn't have had ta defend this place by yerself, I should 'a sent some of the men ta help you."

"I'll tell you just one more time Tasuki, and listen to me this time. You ain't all knowing." Kouji gave a weak grin then continued, "Hell, you aren't even all that smart buddy, even I can out think you, and that's saying something 'cause my smarts sure ain't anything to yell about." The smile faded, his face growing serious once more. "You can think whatever else you want to, but I'm not going to let you blame yourself for this. And besides, I think I'm the one that's supposed to be placing the blame on someone, since I'm the guy laying here dying."

Kouji winced, immediately regretting his choice of words at the stricken look on Tasuki's face, his face pale, eyes wide in a mixture of horror and disbelief, his jaw hanging slack. His mouth worked, forming the beginnings of words, only to have them come out sounding choked. Bottom lip trembling, Tasuki clenched his teeth, before managing to get out, "Don't say that!" his voice panicked, cracking halfway through the sentence, ending at a higher pitch.

"Gomen Tasuki, I didn't mean for it to come out like that…but…you do realize that it's true, right? I mean, neither of us are a doctor, but we've seen enough to know there's no getting better from this."

The hand that wasn't held in Tasuki's near bone crunching grip moved to his abdomen, pushing Tasuki's hand away from the wound. "Wha…what are ya doin'?!"

"All your doing is trying to delay the inevitable. Onegai, Tasuki. Don't draw this out longer then it should be. Maybe I'm a coward…"

"No! Kouji, no, yer not a coward."

"…But if I'm going to die, I'd rather it was sooner then later." His voice was colored with shame.

"But…I jus'…don' wanna lose you, Kouji." He sounded miserable, defeated, like a child being denied their parents.

"I know. But I think it's time."

"Onegai, Kouji, I don't wanna be alone. Please don' leave me alone." Tasuki pleaded.

Kouji's brows knitted in confusion, head cocking to the side questioningly. "You won't be alone. You've got all the guys, not to mention Chichiri. So what the hell are you talking about?"

"I…sure I got the guys…but yer the one that I can actually be myself around, talk ta without havin' ta think 'bout what I'm sayin'." Pain filled eyes locked onto Kouji's. "You more then anyone knows why I can't be that way 'round Chiri."

"You still haven't told him then, have you?"

"Look Kouji, Chiri ain't important right now. You are. I mean…there's gotta be something that I can do ta help…anything."

"No. You look Tasuki. I'm not going to make it, and yeah, that sucks, but…I'm dealing. I'm more worried 'bout you. About how you're going to do. Please Tasuki, I want you to promise me something."

"Wha…what?" It came out tentative, almost reluctant.

"Tell him. That's what I want you to do. Tell Chichiri how you feel about him. And I want you to keep on living. Be your normal grinning, sake loving self. If you don't get over this, I swear to you, I will find a way to come back and kick your ass."

A watery smile was Tasuki's only response. A painful shudder wracked Kouji's body, and he started coughing. A trickle of blood ran from his mouth, leaving a thin red trail across his cheek. "Promise me…Tasuki. I want…to hear you…say the words." His voice was weak, each word was becoming a strain to get out.

"All right, I promise you Kouji. I will. I promise that I eventually will."

"G…good. I'm going…to miss you Tasuki." His breathing was labored now, lungs struggling for each precious gasp of air. "Arigatou. You've been the best friend…I've ever had. Suki da, Tasuki…"

Kouji's eyes fluttered closed, and he went completely limp in Tasuki's arms. "Kouji?" Tasuki's voice was meek, agonized. "Kouji, please don't die."

He knew it was too late though, Kouji's chest no longer rose and fell with every breath. He was still. Much too still. He hugged the body of the man that had been his best friend, and occasional lover tighter. "Nonononono. This can' be happenin'. Ya can' be dead, ya jus' can' be!"

The tears that had been threatening to fall for the last while finally won out. Sobbing, he traced his fingers over the contours of Kouji's face, memorizing every detail, before letting his arm fall. Resting his head on top of Kouji's, his tears soaking his navy hair, he shed all the tears that he would allow himself over the death of his best friend.

Tasuki lifted his head, tears still streaming down his face. Reaching out with one hand, Tasuki gently brushed sweat slicked bangs off of Kouji's forehead. "Even with that damn headband the guy's hair was always getting in the way." There was no trace of humor in his voice, it was flat, grief stricken.

"Gomen nasai, Kouji. I'm sorry I could never love ya like I know ya wanted me to."

Tasuki sat there, cradling Kouji's body, surrounded by the bodies of his enemies. Even when his men had gathered in the clearing, crowing about their victory, until they became somber at the sight of their leader and second in command, Tasuki remained oblivious to everything but what he'd just lost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I know I haven't kept my promise ta ya yet, Kouji. I will…I just gotta find the right time ta do it."

Tasuki yawned, and the realization that he's been up for over half the night hit him. *Damn. It's either real late or real early. An' seein' that I don't usually get up till lunch, this is late even fer me.*

He slumped further back onto the tree, settling into a more comfortable position. He closed his eyes, thoughts of everyone he's lost swirling through his mind, as well as Chichiri. *What am I supposed ta da Chiri? Are ya going ta hate me if I tell you.*

Eventually his exhaustion caught up with him, and he slipped off to sleep.

TBC

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