Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Darkness of the Heart ❯ Darkest Before the Dawn ( Chapter 4 )

Darkness of the Heart

 

Tasuki lay in the hay, feeling some of the smaller pieces work their way under his shirt and itch against his skin. He ignored it as long as he could before giving in and scratching as slowly as he could stand. He didn't want Sou to find him because he made a bad choice in hiding place. He made extra sure to cover his head, tugging bits of straw over his hair to hide the bright color.

 

Sou made his way to the inn and took a seat at a table. He just chuckled to himself and picked up the knife from the set of utensils. Sou pressed the tip of the steel to his arm and enjoyed the shock of pain it sent through him, then let go.

 

Tamahome woke up to a sharp pain in his arm instead of his head. He gasped and dropped the knife he was holding in his hand. "What the?!" He jumped up out of the seat he had been sitting in and darted a wild look around the inn. People tried to avoid eye contact and shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

 

The innkeeper hurried up to Tamahome, clutching his bleeding arm, and ushered him out. "Out. Out now, out you go. I can't have crazy's lurking about in my inn."

 

"What?! No, I'm... How did I... Tasuki?" He looked around for the man he who had just been in front of him.

 

Tasuki sneezed. Either someone was talking about him or the hay was getting in his nose. Leaning more to the idea of it being the hay that caused his sneezing fit; he tugged his shirt up over his face and closed his eyes. The hay was warm, which caused Tasuki to drift in and out of wakefulness. He tried to shift and make himself uncomfortable, but the warmth, the lack of sleep in the last few days, and the expenditure of so much energy to carry Tamahome while he was running at break-neck speed was catching up to him fast.

 

His head lolled to the side and he sleepily kicked his feet out as dreams of a better time came to drag him away. A soft, purring snore drifted up from the haystack and two booted feet peeked out from the side. Sleepily he stretched out, his arms going up over his head and his fingers wriggled free of the hay as if searching for cooler air to wake him. The soft snore deepened to a louder one, indicating he was deeply asleep.

 

Tamahome was hustled out the door and pushed into the sunny streets. Townspeople gave him sideways glances and hurried off to their daily chores. He clutched his arm as he wandered the street, shouting Tasuki's name. After wandering the town for a bit, he spotted a barn behind the inn he was just kicked out of. He thought back to Tasuki's constant wandering to the loft at his mother's house and decided to try. Tamahome stood over the pile of loose hay that had grown two feet and an arm. "Tasuki?"

 

Tasuki shifted and rolled to his back, his mouth open slightly and a thin line of drool working it's way down his cheek. He sucked in a deep breath, his lungs filling themselves for another loud round of snoring when bits of hay fell in his mouth and was breathed in.

 

He shot up, holding his throat and coughing up the bits of hay while trying to fight his way out of the monster that was sitting on him. He'd forgotten the game he had been playing with Sou and had no idea why he was being attacked by a haystack. "GyAAAAAH! What the FUCK?!" He kicked and squirmed, trying to escape the evil haystack that was determined to eat him alive.

 

Tamahome paused long enough to give Tasuki a strange look before he knelt down and grabbed Tasuki's shoulder. "Tasuki, you... you have to help me, please. I-I think I'm going mad." He pleaded with him.

 

Tasuki spat hay out of his mouth, looking at Tamahome sleepily. "Whaa? Like what do ya mean 'mad'? Like gonna kill my ass mad or crazy mad?" He blinked and rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up enough to function properly. Memory hit him and he leapt from the haystack, grabbing Tama and pulling his face close and looking at his eyes. It was Tamahome, not Sou. He sighed in relief. "Wait, what?"

 

Tamahome was feeling unstable, and Tasuki's confusion and strange behavior was just making it worse. He shook his head, trying to clear it of his own confusion. "I was standing just outside of the town with you. We were..." He suddenly realized that that might not have happened, "... We were there together and then I was sitting in the inn with a knife in my hand." He held up his arm to Tasuki to prove that had actually taken place. The blood had slowed but the nasty red slit across his forearm was still there. "How did I get there?"

 

Tasuki sighed and looked away. "Well, I dunno." He tried to figure out if he should tell Tamahome about Sou, and if he did if it would bring the evil personality out. "Look Tama, sit down. I think we're gonna have to talk about this. Please, don't freak out." He took a deep breath and sat down on a tuft of hay. "Okay, here goes." he cleared his throat and took another breath. "See, a few days ago ya started acting strange. I'm not going into how strange, because it'll freak you out. But, there's this really... uh, different kind of guy that takes you over. He calls himself Sou. He doesn't like me all that much, but anyway, he's the reason for the black outs. He wakes up and you go to sleep. Do ya understand?"

 

Tamahome shook his head, his brow furrowed in confusion. "But I'm Sou, Tasuki, that's just my other name." There couldn't be another thing taking control of him, it must be a lack of sleep, or stress. If he were possessed, then it wouldn't let him be himself for most of the day.

 

Tasuki shrugged, "I know that's your name, but this guy he's... well, uh..." he thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain it to Tamahome in a way that he could understand. "Okay, the other night I went to the bathhouse. He showed up. Seems he's got more control when ya sleep, which is why ya haven't been feeling like you've been sleepin'. Understand?"

 

Tamahome cast his eyes down and tried to soak it all in. "Did I... he. Did he hurt you?" His mind wandered to the previous few nights. The bleeding on the back of his head, the small wounds on Tasuki's lips and neck. "Is he dangerous?"

 

Tasuki gulped and took a deep breath, looking away. "Well, uh, kinda. But it's okay! It's not that bad." he closed his eyes, smiling wide to reassure Tamahome. "He's more uh... dark, than dangerous. But I been keeping him away from other people, ya know, making sure he stayed with me. Today was the only time I let him outta my sight but that was because-" he paused, twisting his fingers nervously in his lap. "Because he made a deal with me."

 

"A deal?" He glanced up at Tasuki. Everything felt surreal. He didn't feel like he was in his own skin. Reality didn't seem quite real any more. It felt too strange to know that there was something controlling him from the inside. His head started to ache and he lifted his hand to rub at his temple.

 

Tasuki kept is eyes from Tamahome's, "Nothing important. Just something we decided to do." he spoke softly, playing with his shirt and fidgeting nervously. "Don't worry about it. But, if ya start getting a headache, tell me cause I really gotta go if ya do. It's part of the deal. I gotta leave if he comes out to play."

 

He glanced up at Tamahome and felt his heart drop. "Now?! Ya got a headache NOW?! FUCK! I'll see ya later Tama!" he got to his feet in a hurry, looking for the fastest escape route that wouldn't bring him within reach.

 

Tamahome stared at Tasuki as he darted about trying to get down as fast as he could. "I'm fine, Tasuki, It's just..." Tasuki was out of sight before he could finish his thought. "... A lot to take in." He finished to the still settling hay. He dropped his head back against the barn's wall. What was he supposed to do about this?

 

Tasuki ran from the barn, dodging around the side and pressing flat against it in hopes that he could keep a covert eye on Sou and be able to help Tamahome understand what was going on. People passed him and gave him strange looks but he ignored them. They didn't know how dangerous Sou could be. He did. They could kiss his butt, for all he cared.

 

He waited for what seemed an eternity, looking around the front of the barn every so often to see if Sou had come out. No sign of him yet and Tasuki was starting to worry. Maybe it had been a different kind of headache? Tasuki fidgeted a little more before the wait finally ate at his patience. He made his way back into the barn, keeping the door at his back so he could escape if he needed to. "Sou-sama? Tamahome-san?"

 

Tamahome answered with out opening his eyes. "I'm still here." He laughed at the thought of how many times over that was meant.

 

Tasuki made his way back up to the loft to find Tamahome lying back against the wall. "Is it you or him?" he asked warily, staying back a little bit. "Let me see your eyes. They turn green when it's him." he said softly, moving just close enough that he'd be able to see in the dim light of the barn. He didn't want to be grabbed all of a sudden. If Sou got his hands on him he'd have to stick to his part of the deal. A shiver ran through him at the thought.

 

Tamahome obediently opened his eyes. "Really?" He asked half-curious half frightened. His eyes were a little watery, but he regarded Tasuki evenly, waiting for the ok stamp of sanity approval.

 

Tasuki sighed and moved to Tamahome's side, scooting up next to him and putting an arm over his shoulders. "I'm sorry, Tama. I shouldn't treat ya like a criminal. Sou just really freaks me out." He lay his head on top of Tama's and pulled him to lean against his chest, petting his hair. "Do you remember anything from those blackouts? Even if it sounds weird, tell me anyway. I may be able to fill in some of the blanks. Wanna try it a little or do ya wanna forget this for a little bit?" he brushed his lips over Tamahome's head, hugging him tighter.

 

Tamahome was silent for a long while thinking about the options. "He scares me, too." He said finally, not really answering Tasuki's question.

 

Tasuki tipped Tamahome's chin up and pressed a kiss to his forehead, "I'll protect ya from him. I'm gonna hafta break the deal and stay around when he comes out, but I won't leave you alone." he tucked Tamahome's head under his chin, closing his eyes as he resigned himself to his fate. "I won't tell ya what he does. I don't want you feelin' responsible." he whispered, more to himself than to Tamahome. As soon as the words left his lips, though, he hoped that Tama hadn't heard it.

 

Tamahome was nervous, but he asked anyway, "What has he done?" He hesitated to ask, not wanting to know.

 

Tasuki shook his head. "Nothing." he clamped his lips shut, determined to not put any guilt on Tamahome. "Hey, I offered you breakfast, right? I may not be able to bring ya the best from the inn, but I can go to the market and get ya some fresh bread and a few bits of fruit, if ya want me to." he offered, keeping his tone light and care-free. He wanted it to go back to how it was before Tama knew there was something wrong. Back to when it was just dealing with Sou by himself. He'd messed it all up by taking that bet with Sou. He'd left Tamahome open to finding out about things.

 

Tamahome nodded slowly and resumed his sitting against the barn's cool, wooden wall. Tasuki was trying to make him feel better about having a monster inside of him. It didn't seem right. If there was something wrong with him, then he needed to get rid of it.

 

Tasuki sighed and moved away from Tamahome's side. "Okay, so what do ya wanna eat?" he asked, his voice full of cheer he didn't really feel.

"I can get ya whatever ya want. Name it, Tama-kun."

 

Tamahome shrugged, "What ever you can get is fine."

 

"Tasuki? If you're in danger, don't worry about staying with me, I'll be fine." He tucked his arm close behind him.

 

Tasuki frowned down at him, "Are ya nuts?! I ain't leavin' you alone with that psycho! Ya don't know him Tama, I do. I can't let ya outta my sight because he could do it to someone else." Damnit, why did he say that? He grumbled at himself, cursing his quick mouth before kneeling down in front of Tama again. "Look, it's better for everybody if I stay. Besides, I couldn't leave ya if I wanted to." he pressed a quick kiss against Tama's lips and stood up, turning for the door. "Ya mean too much to me for me to leave ya over somethin' like a little bit of pain."

 

Tasuki's heart felt words warmed his heart, but didn't get through the mess of fear and confusion that masked his mind at the moment. He gave him a half smile all the same. "Okay." Is all he said as Tasuki turned to leave.

Tasuki hurried to complete his errand, gathering as much food as he could carry. He bought as many different kinds of fruit as he could find, unsure as to what Tamahome would like. A fresh loaf of bread and a sack full of fruit later, he panted a bit as he walked back into the barn. "Tama? I'm back! Ya still up there?"

Tamahome had lay down, his arm was sore and throbbing now as it healed with out getting cleaned out. "Mmmm." He answered and sat up, waiting for Tasuki to get up the ladder. He reached down and grabbed a few of the items out of Tasuki's hands to make it easier to climb.

Tasuki nodded his thanks and climbed up the stairs, smiling a little as he made his way over to Tama's side. He made himself comfortable and grabbed out a peach.

 

"Do you have that bottle of sake with you still?" He asked once Tasuki was settled next to him.

As Tasuki brought the peach to his lips he realized that Tama had asked him for sake. "Sake? Oh, yeah, lemme grab it for ya." he crawled over to the haystack, wrestling his bag out of the pile. He plucked open the bag and pulled out the bottle of sake. Looking over his shoulder, he grinned. "Ya want me to clean your wounds or ya wanna drink yourself stupid?"

Tamahome eyed him; "It's to clean this out." He motioned to his arm. "I won't take much, don't worry." He knew sake to Tasuki was sacred stuff. And on one hand he would love a drink to forget this all happened, but on the other, he was afraid of losing what little control this thing had let him have.

 

Tasuki grinned, "C'mon Tama, I know ya don't drink." He crawled back, handing the bottle over. "Use as much as ya need. I don't mind." he smiled sweetly. "Ya want some help with that? It's gotta be awkward tryin' t'do it by yourself." he rummaged in his bag again, pulling out another of his shirts.

 

"Now I know you care about me." He mused as he offered his arm out to Tasuki.

 

Tasuki grinned and held the shirt out under Tama's arm, lifting the sake with the other hand and pouring some on to the wound. He blew softly on it, trying to ease the sting. He looked up, trying to gauge if he was hurting him or not.

 

Tamahome bit his lip against the sting but nodded Tasuki on. "Go ahead, it's not that bad."

 

Tasuki winced along with Tama, and gently patted the skin dry with a corner of the shirt. "Ya sure?" he blew against the skin again, looking into his eyes. He poured another liberal amount of sake over the wound again. "Tama-kun? Do you remember kissing me?"

 

He had opened his mouth to assure Tasuki that the wound would hurt more if they left it alone, but he was stopped by the question. A blush ran across his nose. "That happened?" He asked, not sure which answer he was hoping to receive. "Most of my memories seem like dreams the past few days, and even more now that I know that some of them might actually be made up."

 

Tasuki cocked his head to the side; "So ya don't remember being in the gazebo?" he paused to blow on the wound again. "With me?" He dropped his eyes to the wound, paying attention to Tamahome's breathing as well as binding up the cut as best he could.

 

"That too, huh?" A darker blush usurped his previous one and a nervous laughter bubbled in his chest. "I had thought that was just a dream. I don't remember how it ended or..." he stopped and realized there was another time that he had just woken up to find Tasuki's mouth wrapped around him. He narrowed his eyes and studied Tasuki's face. "So how exactly did that start?"

 

Tasuki blinked and raised surprised eyes to Tama, "Uh, well... umm..." he cleared his throat and looked away, fidgeting with his necklaces with one hand. "Well, he..." he blushed and covered his face. "He told me to. I did."

 

Tamahome open and closed his mouth, but nothing came out. This was shocking news. "So, you're saying he's dangerous, but he just asks and you let him f... go down on you?"

 

Tasuki laughed, "Him do that to me? HA! Never, he made me do that to him. But it wasn't so bad. I closed my eyes and pretended it was you. And when I opened them again, it was you." he blushed darker and scooted forward, inching close enough to look at Tama in the eye. "Is that okay?"

 

"I don't know, Tasuki." He struggled with the morality of the issue. Something was beginning to click and he didn't like it. The times he had woken up from his black outs, the cuts and bruises, the half-spoken sentences Tasuki had slipped. "Did he force you to?"

 

Tasuki backed away, looking to the side. "I don't know what you mean." he smiled wide, closing his eyes to hide the lie. "How can ya force a guy, na?" he laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Eat, ya need to keep up your strength." he smiled again and went back to his haystack with his bag.

 

Tamahome ignored the command to eat from both Tasuki and his growling stomach. "Oh gods, he did." Tamahome looked away, his eyes covered in darkness. "I raped you." A cold chill seemed to run through the sun-warmed barn. Tamahome could feel a flickering self-loathing growing in his chest. He wanted anything but his words to be true, but he couldn't deny it. No matter what was controlling him, he had hurt his friend, his brother, in a way that no one could make better.

 

Tasuki moved forward again, cupping Tamahome's face between his hands. "No. No you didn't." his eyes bore into Tama's intensely. "You didn't. The first..." he stopped to press a kiss to Tama's lips. "I was too drunk to realize it wasn't you. I let him. I'm sorry, Tama." he kept Tamahome's face close to his own, forcing him to see the truth in his words, while hiding the dark memory of the second time.

 

Tamahome tried to pull his face away. He was crying, "No. I must have let him do this, I failed you."

 

`Just like you failed them. Just like you failed her. Useless, Tamahome, you're nothing.' He could hear his own voice, dark and goading his guilt on in his head. A pounding ache stung his right temple. His hand tried to sooth the pain, but Tasuki's hands were in the way.

 

"I raped you... because that's the way you like it, Tasuki-chan." a smile gleamed from the shadow over Sou's face. He reached up and grabbed Tasuki's wrists tightly. "But who can say it was against your will? You had to beg me before I would touch you." A sadistic laugh crept past his lips. "Found you."

 

Tasuki gasped and tugged at his hands. "Damnit." he growled, glaring at Sou hard. "Why do ya always gotta show up when I'm gettin' somewhere?" He tugged at his hands again, growling. "I wasn't gonna hide no more. I'm gonna protect him from you."

 

"Protect him from me?" he said with mock innocence. "How are you gonna do that after I fuck you so hard you can't stand?" A malicious laugh escaped as he pushed Tasuki down into the hay and ripped his tunic open. Sou straddled Tasuki, leaning in close, as if sharing a secret. "I'm here to save him from himself." he hissed.

 

He held Tasuki's angry glare and licked his middle finger, smirking. He trailed his fingers down Tasuki's bare chest and circled his nipple, rubbing the pink tip with the slick finger.

 

Tasuki growled again, but lay still. He was a man of his word. "Just get it over with." he grumbled and turned his head, a blush coloring his face. He didn't want to like the touch, but looking into that beautiful face made it hard. That was a face he loved more than anything in this world.

 

Sou smiled cruelly, lust sparked in his green eyes, happy to not have to hold Tasuki in place anymore. He dipped his head and bit the skin down to Tasuki's now erect nipple. He lightly nibbled the pink flesh and then ran his tongue over it. All the while his other hand skittered over Tasuki's arm and neck, then down his side and traced circles just above the waist band of his pants. "Tasuki." He breathed almost gently over the wet skin.

 

Tasuki gritted his teeth, biting back any sounds that tried to escape him. His body responded for him, though, arching in to the nibbling bites on his chest. He brought a hand up to his mouth, biting his knuckles to keep from making any noise. The sound of his name spoken in such a soft tone made him glance down. It was very erotic to watch Sou lick and bite him, "Hnn!" he couldn't hold in the sound; it escaped before he could bite it back.

 

A smirk curved the corner of Sou's mouth. Without looking up he knew Tasuki was watching him, but he glanced up anyway, a deeply seductive look locking with Tasuki's. He took full advantage, expressively flicking out his tongue over his warm skin. His hand made its way down to Tasuki's thigh and slid up the outside of his pants, lingering perhaps a little too long where it shouldn't be. Sou was having fun playing up the dark seduction.

 

Tasuki's breath hitched and he clenched his fists, forcing them down by his sides to keep from tangling them in Sou's hair. Damn him and his hot little tongue! He dropped his head back to the floor, closing his eyes to block out those dark, seductive eyes. "Stop teasing me." he growled, his voice dropping lower. He sucked in a deep breath, trying to reign in his reactions to Sou's ministrations and was failing miserably.

 

Sou smirked and licked his lips, skimming his fingers over the tightening front of Tasuki's pants. He pushed up to reach Tasuki's neck; he lapped at the tender skin of Tasuki's pulse points and trailed the tip of his nose up to Tasuki's ear. "I want you, Tasuki." He grinned wickedly, knowing full well that he had just used Tamahome's gentler tone laced with the dark seduction of his own. He sucked in the small lobe of Tasuki's ear and bit lightly, darting his tongue around the edge before dipping in the hollow.

 

Tasuki's breath hitched again and his hands found their way to Sou's back, his fingers digging into the soft flesh beneath thin fabric. "Hnn! Shit, don't say it like that." he panted, clutching Sou to him. He arched his head back, giving fuller access to his neck. He bit his lip, eyebrows scrunched together as he tried not to respond. The whispered words, the gentleness of his touch, and the face all belonged to Tamahome. He could never deny Tama anything. "H-have me." he whispered, his voice choked by guilt.

 

In a second Tamahome's gentle persona was drowned in Sou's aggressive lust. He ripped away the rest of Tasuki's tunic and bit at the hot skin of Tasuki's chest without holding back. Sou tugged Tasuki's hands over his head, holding down his wrists and his searching hand dove under the cloth of Tasuki's pants grabbing hold of the hardening erection and stroking firmly.

 

Tasuki cried out in surprise and desire, his hips raising against his will. "Aahhn!" he thumped his head hard against the floor of the barn loft, doing anything he could to hold on to the passion Sou was evoking in him. He crossed his ankles, keeping his knees locked together out of instinct. Pain would come if Sou moved further. "Pl-" he bit his tongue, cutting off the begging word that teetered on the end of his tongue.

 

"What was that, Tasuki?" Again he provoked him with Tamahome's voice, but he couldn't hide the amusement that twinkled in his words. His hand pumped faster, his fingers reaching up to the sensitive head and teasing it with feathering touches.

 

Tasuki arched into the hand stroking him; his mind hearing Tamahome, feeling Tamahome, and needing to answer. "Please! Please!" he yelled, his head thumping against the floor again. His breath hitched and wheezed, his body moving into Sou's touch on it's own. "Oh please! Please!" he mewled, softly.

 

Sou leaned up on his elbow and put his hand to Tasuki's jaw, easing open Tasuki's eye with his thumb so that he was staring into his eyes. "Look at me, Tasuki-chan. I want you to know who you just begged to fuck you." He smirked, pronouncing the word precisely. He licked the wound on his arm that he had made earlier that morning. It tasted of iron and sake. Before the trace blood was gone he clamped his mouth over Tasuki's, thrusting his tongue between his lips and ran it along the tip of Tasuki's tongue.

 

Tasuki gazed up at Sou, a shiver coursing through him as his words registered in his mind. He had begged for it. Again. But before he could try and deny it, Sou's tongue was in his mouth and was sharing the taste of his blood.

 

Acting on instinct, Tasuki suckled the tongue he was given as if trying to draw every last particle of blood off. He pressed back; swirling his tongue in tandem to Sou's as helpless whimpers escaped him. "Mmm! Mmm...!" The hand that held his eye open was gentler, but the green depths he stared into were the same icy cold as before. He hoped that Tamahome's inherent gentleness was rubbing off on Sou.

 

Sou bit Tasuki's lip, reopening the cut, letting the blood mingle in their mouths before he pulled back. He left Tasuki's mouth and moved his hot kisses down the line of his chin to his neck and back to Tasuki's nipples, then down to his belly. His hand trailed down Tasuki's cheek and over his shoulder, kneading the stiff muscles there before he let his nails scratch down Tasuki's back. Sou tugged Tasuki's pants down and flicked his tongue over his lower belly down to the soft red hair that nested his growing erection. He breathed up Tasuki's shaft; his lips were inches from the tip.

 

Tasuki panted and writhed. His hands now free; he gripped Sou's hair in one fist and his shoulder in the other. A dark blush colored his cheeks as liquid golden eyes watched each flicker of pink tongue over his skin.

 

Hot breath ghosted over his erection and he gasped as his back bowed up off of the floor and his head thumped to the hard planks again. He tugged at Sou's hair, his pleading mews and breathless cries begging Sou to continue.

 

Continuing to tease Tasuki with his breath, Sou slid his fingers over his hip and touched his finger to Tasuki's opening, teasing it, wanting in. "Come on, Tasuki." he growled and looked up to catch Tasuki's gaze. "Open up." He smirked.

 

Tasuki gave a cry and turned his head, biting on his lip as his legs parted. He gazed down at Sou, want and desire in his eyes. He nodded slowly, his blush working its way down his neck and chest. "Don't... no pain. Please, Sou." he begged, panting uncontrollably. He tugged at Sou's shoulders, asking him to do as he pleased.

 

His grin darkened. He worked a finger inside him. "Are you asking me to stop or go?" He moved his other hand faster over Tasuki's cock. His index finger rubbed the small hole, coaxing out a preview of the slick liquid. He spread it over the head and down the shaft, stroking Tasuki faster.

 

Tasuki's hips arched up, pushing the finger deeper inside. "AAhhn! Sou!" he cried out, his legs opening wider of their own volition. He panted and chewed his lip, trying to figure out how to answer. "M- go! Just, don't make it hurt." His fingers slipped up into Sou's hair and pulled him up for a kiss, grazing his fangs along the fuller bottom lip as he suckled it in to his mouth. One leg moved to lay over Sou's back, pulling him closer.

 

Sou pulled from the kiss as soon as he could and pushed his finger in further, curving up to get that one place Tasuki wouldn't be able to keep control when he hit it. The muscles were relaxing and the hole was opening. "Looks like you're all ready to take it anyway I'll give." he whispered huskily in Tasuki's ear, as he dug in deeper.

 

Stars danced behind his eyes as Sou fluttered his finger over his prostate, "AAAHnnn! Now, please, oh gods, Sou, please!" he begged brokenly, his hips moving in counter to the thrust of fingers within him. He gripped Sou's shoulders and pulled him close, nipping hard on his chin as his eyes bored holes into Sou's. "Now, please!" His body shook and his fingers spasmed on Sou's shoulders, his legs trembled as he tried to use them to move Sou. He wasn't moving fast enough, and Tasuki's body took it upon itself to remedy that. He wrapped his legs around Sou's hips and pulled him forward, reaching between them and gripping Sou's erection to make him ease the ache.

 

Sou felt the tugging, the pushing, the urging, and delighted in keeping what Tasuki wanted away from him. He shoved his fingers in, adding a second and third close behind. Tasuki was going to cum and that was just what he wanted. "Gods, Tasuki-chan, you really want me inside you that badly?" He taunted. "You're sick, you know that? Begging someone you hate to fill you up, to stuff you full of my cock, and fuck you till I make you cum."

 

Soon enough, Tasuki's meddling fingers found their way to where he was. He swatted them away. Sou pushed his own erection firmly against Tasuki's thigh and rocked his hips as he pumped Tasuki faster. "Cum for me, Tasuki."

 

Tasuki clutched at Sou's shirt, arching his back as a whimper left his lips. He was quaking all over; his heart thumping in his ears drowned out the words that Sou uttered and allowed him to focus on reaching that peak that Sou was pushing him to. He felt full, but there was an ache that he couldn't get filled. Something was missing but he was too close to orgasm to figure out what it was. He was sweating and trembling, pulling at Sou's clothes to get closer and fill that aching void. "S-Sou, oh p-AAH!" he screamed as Sou's fingers pressed directly against his prostate. That combined with the vigorous stroking pushed him that last little bit and he screamed as he fell over the edge of reason.

 

Sou watched intently as Tasuki panted, coming closer and closer to the edge. He arched his back violently and Sou felt his cock twitch in his hand. He brought his hand up over the tip to catch the seed as Tasuki spent it. He grinned. Before Tasuki had time to come down off of the wave of orgasm, he slipped the fingers; slick with Tasuki's cum, into his opening once more. "Good boy." He purred in his ear. "Now you get a treat."

 

Sou covered his cock in the hot, slick liquid then thrust inside Tasuki. He slipped in easily, the fresh cum allowing him to slide his girth deep inside quickly.

 

Tasuki gasped and clutched at Sou's back, his legs going around him to hold him still. He spasmed and clenched as the last of his orgasm washed over him. He trembled and whined. The stinging from Sou's intrusion less than it had been before. He welcomed his 'treat', at last filling that emptiness that had bothered him so much. "Sou." he panted, trying to regain his breath. He pulled Sou to rest against his chest, nibbling and kissing along his neck to urge him on.

 

Sou gripped Tasuki's hips, pulling him in further and holding Tasuki still as he thrust deep inside. He smirked wickedly. "That's right, Tasuki-chan, Sou's fucking you. Stuffing your tight little ass." He rocked his hips forward and pulled Tasuki to him. He put his mouth close to Tasuki's ear. "And you're loving it. Your ass is pulling me in deeper." He scoffed. "Only thing that would make this better is if Tamahome could be watching. Watching you get fucked like the slut you are." He purred out the insult.

 

Tasuki turned his head away from the ugly words, feeling them pierce his heart even as his body renewed it's desire. Guilt ate at him for enjoying Sou's touch, for allowing it to bring him pleasure, but he was helpless to his body's reaction. Pulled along like a feather on a breeze; forever following wherever the wind took him.

 

His lips formed the one name that would hurt Sou, screamed it even as he loved being fucked. "TAMAHOME!" Tears drifted down his cheeks, praying that Tamahome would come to him again. Would save him from the ugly truth. He didn't want to be Sou's slut; he wanted to be Tamahome's lover. He screamed again, Tamahome's name becoming the only word that his lips could form.

 

Sou sneered at the newfound hobby of screaming out Tamahome's name. He let it go once, but when Tasuki repeated it he clamped a hand over Tasuki's mouth and silenced him. He glared at Tasuki, warning him with his eyes and reminding him with a harder thrust of his hips. A fun idea slithered into his head. He inched his hand up to cover Tasuki's nose as well and smiled down at Tasuki as he watched him try and keep up with the quickened breathing his body needed.

 

Tasuki choked, the hand covering his mouth and nose cut off his oxygen and he panicked. He gripped Sou's wrist, tugging to pull it off of his nose.

 

"No. Talking." He warned. He could feel his own body starting to move on its own, pushing towards release. He wanted to finish inside Tasuki again. He could think of nothing else but filling Tasuki with his cum. He let go of Tasuki's mouth and lifted his hips to get a deeper angle, thrusting up against the bundle of nerves that made him crazy before.

 

Sou released him and Tasuki was bent nearly in half, his cock striking hard against his prostate. He clamped his hands over his mouth, holding in the screams and whimpers that were pushing against his chest. He didn't dare cross Sou again; one reminder was enough. He bit into his palm as orgasm crept up to him again and he clenched tight around Sou's cock. 'Tamahome, I'm sorry.' "SOU!" he screamed as he came again, convulsing and spurting his essence onto his chest, his passage clamping down hard around Sou's cock.

 

Tasuki finally giving in and shouting his name brought him over the edge. He felt Tasuki tighten around him and he thrust deep. He held the other man's hips pressed up against his as his cum filled him. His mind was calm again; the screaming was gone. He slipped out and calmly wiped away the remnants of liquid around his lower belly. Sou leaned down next to Tasuki and grinned at him. "Ready for the fun?" He asked, a vindictive smile ran across his lips.

 

Not too long after, Tamahome opened his eyes on a disturbing scene.

 

Tasuki opened bleary, tearful eyes to Sou's, only to find Tamahome gazing down at him in disgust and horror. He clenched his eyes shut and rolled to face the wall, drawing his knees up to his chest. The guilt ate at him, but the disgust in Tamahome's eyes caused his heart to clench. “Don't look at me, please, don't look.” He whispered, clutching his hands in his hair and tugging hard. “I don't want you to see the... the slut I am.”

 

He cried quietly into the hay, one hand reaching for the torn remnants of his shirt and tunic and tugging it over himself to hide his nakedness. It was over now; Tamahome was disgusted with him. In that moment, he hated himself both for his uncontrollable reaction to Sou and his love for Tamahome. He hoped that he would not respond the same if he didn't feel something for Tamahome, but after this last round of sex he couldn't be sure of that.

 

He sat up slowly, keeping his back to Tamahome. He pulled the torn shirt and tunic up to his shoulders, using them as a shield from the horror and disgust that seemed to fill the room. “I'm sorry, Tamahome-san. Please, give me a few minutes to get dressed.” He was ashamed and disgusted with himself, feeling dirty and used.

 

Tamahome had lay motionless through out Tasuki's reaction. He couldn't believe that this was actually happening, but he was faced with physical, undeniable evidence. HE had violated Tasuki, HIM, his body. It didn't matter what name he called himself. The disgust he wore on his face was utter resentment towards himself for being too weak to fight it. But he couldn't let Tasuki continue. He shot up and flung his arms around Tasuki's shoulders, hugging him from behind. He pressed his forehead to Tasuki's back; a steady stream of tears had started to fall off his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Tasuki." Was all he could get out as his fingers gripped Tasuki's chest as if he would disappear if he didn't hold on tightly enough. "Please don't ... please..." His eyes shot open and his face twisted in horror as he realized what he really wanted. He wanted to ask Tasuki to forgive him, but he didn't want to hear him ever say it. He deserved everything. "No." He spoke to silent thoughts. "No, you can blame me for everything." His fingers relaxed. If Tasuki never wanted to see him again, then all the better.

 

Tasuki flinched when arms wrapped around him, and dropped his head when he felt the tears on the back on his neck. "Tamahome-san, you don't have to apologize." He squirmed, a little uncomfortable now that Tamahome was going to hear exactly what happened. "I asked him to." he whispered, pulling on Tamahome's hands. "Begged him to." he turned to look at Tamahome, but kept his eyes down. "Don't... I'm sorry, Tamahome-san." He reached for his bag, pulling clothes out now that the ones he had been wearing had been reduced to rags. “I promise to not bother you once we get Miaka back. Maybe Chichiri will be able to help you with Sou. Until then, please suffer my presence long enough for this trip to be over with.”

 

"Are you kidding?!" He screamed, jumping up. "Don't forgive me, I don't..." He grabbed at his head and winced.

 

"YOU LITTLE SHIT! YOU..." Sou's eyes flickered in and Tamahome fell to one knee.

 

"Don't deserve... What I did to you was..." His head violently snapped to the side as if smacked.

 

"Perfect, you asked for it. EVRYTHING ABOUT YOU BEGGED FOR ME TO-"

 

Tamahome's face scrunched in pain. "Rape you, I raped you, Tasuki. No matter what this thing is, what it calls itself, it was me." He felt sick. His head was pounding and threatening to explode. "Why? Why would you... why..."

 

"WHY DID YOU TELL HIM? YOU HURT HIM, YOU FUCKING CUNT, I'LL KILL YOU!" Sou took a step towards Tasuki.

 

Tamahome screamed again, clutching his head in agony.

 

"Shh. I'll take care of it for you." Sou cooed to himself. Tamahome pet his own hair and fell the rest of the way down. His eyes calmed their flickering and fell a dull gray.

 

Tasuki flinched; pulling his bag in front of himself for protection as Tamahome and Sou fought back and forth. He didn't know who to respond to, didn't know if he did respond that the one meant to hear it would, in fact, hear him.

 

"T-Tamahome-san?" he wasn't sure what was happening, who he was talking to, what he should say. "Sou-sama?" He inched closer, afraid of what may happen but needing to make sure Tamahome was all right. He crouched beside Tamahome, warily reaching out to touch his shoulder. "Tamahome-san? Are you okay?" His voice trembled and his knees shook, but he was determined to help. "Tama, I know ya don't wanna hear it but..." he bit his lip, unable to say the words. It was the wrong moment.

 

The teal-haired figure lay in the haystacks, breathing heavily. His lids rested halfway down eyes as if he no longer had the strength to keep them either fully closed or open. A contemptuous smile, cold and dark, fell over his lips. "You what, Tasuki?" He lay motionless in the hay save for the steadying rise and fall of his chest. "What could possibly be so important that you need to stay here? If I were you, I'd be running for my life." The smile widened, but his dazed eyes didn't flash their usual green.

 

Tasuki sat beside Tamahome, still unsure if this was Tama or if it was Sou. "I'm in love with..." he wanted to say 'you' but couldn't incase Sou was the one speaking. "I'm in love with Tamahome and I can't run away when he needs my help. Even if he hates me after what he saw, I can't run from him." Bowing his head, Tasuki waited for either the cutting curses and jibes Sou would throw at him or the snarl of disgust that Tamahome would gift him with after his little declaration. He needed for Tamahome to know, even if it was thrown back at him like the last time he'd tried to say it.

 

There was no reaction; Tamahome stared at the pieces of straw in his immediate line of sight, motionless still. He lay there for a while, considering what Tasuki had said, and slowly, very slowly, like someone waking from a dream, he began to laugh. It gained momentum until it was squeezing tears out from the corners of his eyes. "Love him?" He sneered. "Love?" Sou could barely catch his breath. This was delightful and sickening. "What about it is love?" he mocked from behind his laughing face. "Killing his family in a jealous rage, or begging anyone who looked like him to fuck you silly in a hay loft?" When his eyes opened they were bright green. Clear green, with no trace of Tamahome's slate-gray.

 

Tasuki shifted away from Sou and grabbed his bag again, pulling clothes out to cover his nakedness. "I didn't kill anyone. I tried to save them, and he knows that!" Jerking a shirt over his head, Tasuki got to his feet.

 

"I didn't want it. I didn't!" He quickly pulled on his pants and tied them closed, then stalked away to find his boots. "Forcin' something like that on me an' makin' my body want it don't mean it was me. You can do whatever to my body, but it'll never be me. Never. I love Tama an' I know I'll never have him." He grabbed his pack and slung it over his shoulder. "Now, get your insane ass up, get dressed and let's get the fuck outta here." he turned to face the ladder, waiting for Sou to do as he was told.

 

Sou wiped at the tears left on his cheeks. "Oh anything for you, Master." He chuckled and stood up, cleaning bits of hay from his pants. After he was dressed, he bowed deeply over his extended right leg.

 

Sou was laughing all the while as he mocked the bandit. Mean chuckles would slip from his snarling lips every now and again as he followed Tasuki down the ladder. He found it hilarious that Tasuki was not only trying to keep him around, he was trying to keep an air of dignity as well. The most fun part was the thing Tasuki didn't know, and he kept that little secret for another time. Falling only hurts if you have somewhere to fall to, after all.

 

Tasuki stalked out of the barn and back out onto the road to retrieve Tamahome's bag and then resume their journey to save Miaka. He ignored the cackles and jibes from Sou, knowing that it was an attempt to piss him off.

 

He could not give in to it. Wouldn't get within a few feet of Sou either, though. Too dangerous. Suicide, really. He already knew that Sou wanted him dead, had known that since their first encounter, but now he feared that Tamahome might as well.

 

He had no way to guess how Tamahome felt regarding his declaration or how he felt now that he knew that Tasuki had asked for Sou to do what he had. Would he hate him? Pity him? Would the unspoken attraction Tamahome had shown him with that gentle kiss in the woods and again on the trail die now that he'd seen just what Sou was doing to him? That he took great pleasure from it?

 

Unfortunately, he'd never get to ask. It seemed as if Sou were going to make a longer appearance this time.

 

Sou walked with a bounce in his step and a song on his lips. He whistled a tune that was familiar to him when he was Tamahome, back before everything, back when he had been just the oldest brother to four siblings in a poor farming family.

 

The children's song was light in it's tune, but the lyrics were something contradictingly dark. He liked it. To anyone passing on the street, the two looked nothing more than travelers, One sulky and the other in a cheery good mood. In truth, Sou was deciding weather it would be more fun to kill Tasuki in his sleep or if he should have one more go at him while he was alive. He'd end him, either way, and that made him smile.

 

"So, Miaka." He started off in a sing song voice. "How is she?" He trotted up to Tasuki and flung an arm around his shoulder as if the two were the best of friends.

 

Tasuki shoved off Sou's arm with a snarl. "She's kidnapped, moron. How do ya think she is? Singin' like an idiot?" He walked faster, angry and sad all at the same time. Sou could hurt him, Tamahome could hate him, but Miaka would never forgive him. If she found out what had happened while they were trying to rescue her, she'd never speak to him again.

 

He couldn't decide which was worse. Being cautious to the point of jitters, waiting for Sou to leap out and kill him or having the insane one walking behind him as though the world were bright and happy. "Just shut up, Sou. I wanna get there, get her out, an' get back to Eiyou before somethin' even worse happens."

 

"Sure, sure." Sou shrugged, "I was just trying to make conversation."

 

Sou made another attempt to catch up to his walking partner and this time slipped his arms around the man's waist, leaning his lips in to Tasuki's ear. "But you know, that's not what I was asking." Another sickly grin crossed his lips, "Sweet enough to be good a second time 'round?"

 

Tasuki stopped mid step when Sou's arms slipped around his waist, then he turned violently in Sou's embrace. Gripping the front of Sou's shirt, Tasuki growled in his face. "She's the priestess, aho." his voice was deadly quiet, eyes flashing brilliant amber. "No one touches Miaka. Not in a sexual way, she's too innocent, too pure, and too sweet to be violated like that. I don't care if Tamahome is in there, you touch her and I'll rip off your dick and feed it to you."

 

Despite the threats -they were empty anyway, Tasuki couldn't beat him - Sou laughed. "My, my, Tasuki-chan, mind your temper." he tsked away his angry gaze. "I didn't realize she was so...Special... to you." His eyes glistened on the word 'special' and he drew in a breath, licking his lips at the thought. Sou clenched his fingers in Tasuki's belt loops and pulled him in closer. "No wonder Tamahome's confused, you have the fickleness of a whore when it comes to love." He spat out the last word as if it tasted rotten in his mouth, and why not? Whenever that word passed his lips, it sounded that way, too.

 

Tasuki tried to back away, but Sou was keeping him close. "Listen, asshole, it's not that kind of love. I love her like my miko, 'cause that's what she is! I all but told him that earlier, and it didn't seem to get through to him. He told me to go ahead an' be with her. I arready know he doesn't want me, so there is no use in you trying to make me hope for something that can never be with your sly words."

 

His breathing was hitching again, a side affect from being too close to Tamahome's sweet scent, but he would not give in again. He refused to allow himself to feel desire for Tamahome or Sou. It would only lead to heartache. It always had, and always would. "He's not confused. He told me before that he didn't feel anything for me, and now that he's seen what you do to me, I know that the tiny emotion he may have felt is dead. So shut up and let me go." He hated talking about his emotions with Sou, but Sou always seemed to turn the minimal conversation to that subject. Well, when he wasn't driving him insane with lust and pleasure or lust and pain.

 

Sou raised an eyebrow. "Sure, Tasuki-chan. Miaka is just your miko, and Tamahome's nothing to you. If that's what you think, then I guess he should stop trying. It would make it that much easier for me anyway. But," He pulled Tasuki closer, bumping their hips together. "While we're like this, why don't you forget about him for a while?" he cooed in Tasuki's ear.

 

Tasuki went completely still; even his breath seemed to slow down to almost nothing. He neither blinked nor moved, gazing emotionlessly into Sou's eyes. "No." It was that simple. He denied all of it and none of it all at once. His body quickly stirred to life at the gentle brush of their hips, but he made no effort to hide or move away. He'd given his word to comply whenever Sou asked, but that didn't mean that he was going to accept it.

 

Keeping his gaze steady, Tasuki relaxed his rigid stance and quickly shoved the tattered and bleeding remnant of his heart behind a cold shell. "No."

 

"No?" Sou's eyes flashed with cruel intent. "NO?!" He shoved Tasuki violently to the ground and kneeled over him, one leg straddling his hip, the other knee digging into the soft flesh of his belly. "You don't get to TELL me NO, TASUKI!" He growled at him.

 

Tasuki closed his eyes and turned his head. "It sounded like a request. I thought that I had the choice." he wheezed out through the knee in his gut. He refused to show emotion, refused to allow his blood to race through his veins like electricity through a lightning rod. He tried to pull his consciousness back, tried to remove himself from the situation- at least mentally. "Fine. Whatever." He knew that his uncaring attitude would do one of two things. Either it would piss Sou off to the point of making him hurt him or it would disgust him enough to leave him alone. He was hoping for one of those answers, but couldn't really decide which.

 

Sou's eye twitched, his muscles tightened in a rage. How dare this little bitch deny him the pleasure of seeing him squirm? "NOT whatever you filthy little cunt!" He spat out the insult to him. His hand shot out and grabbed him around the neck, squeezing and digging in his fingertips. "You'll either smile while I fuck you or scream. No other options!"

 

Opening his eyes, Tasuki gave Sou a bland look. "Okay." He pasted on a blatantly fake smile and closed his eyes again. It was hard to stay as impassive as he seemed. He was by all means no where near as calm as he was playing at. His felt like fire was licking through his body, burning up his soul, setting his morals ablaze with the want that always ate at him when Sou wanted to take him. He pushed Sou's knee from his gut and sat up, dutifully taking off his shirt and waiting for Sou to get off of him so that he could strip the rest of the way. "I can't get out of my clothes if you stay there. I have this last set and I need to keep it in one piece." His eyes stayed closed, blocking out the reality so that he could pretend it wasn't happening.

 

Watching his victim taunt him, he had to be mad not to kill him, one tight squeeze and it'd be done, but he didn't. His teeth grit down to the point that he thought they may crack under the strain and then...

 

"AGHHhghg" Sou grabbed his head in a fury and rolled off of Tasuki. Slamming his fist against the hard packed dirt. "Tasuki!" He screamed out, his eyes clenched shut in pain.

 

He was breathing hard; the skin on his fist opened up a crack of blood. It trickled down, dripping to the dirt as the screaming halted and he calmed his breath. "Tasuki, I... I have to tell you this before he takes control of me entirely." He gasped between hitched breaths. "I love you." He stared at the blood on his hand and lifted it to his temples. "I've been in love with you for a long time now, but..." He stopped and smoothed back his hair only to have it fall in his face again, once more covering him in shadow. "But, you loved Miaka by then and Sou... He... or I guess, I, couldn't handle it." He turned his face away, not wanting to look at Tasuki, ashamed of the confession.

 

Tasuki crawled over to Tamahome, cupping his face. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. I've loved you for a long time, too, but you didn't love me, or I thought you didn't." Tasuki sighed and rested his face against Tamahome's neck. "What do you mean, before he takes you over completely? You're not gonna... he's not gonna be here to stay, is he?"

 

When Tasuki tried to turn his head, he just cast his eyes down to the dirt and let the shadow of his bangs hang over them. Strong hands reached over Tasuki's shoulders and stroked his back gently. The teal-haired seishi just closed his eyes and pulled Tasuki's chin closer to his. "Don't worry about that Tasuki." He said in soothing tones, his hands sliding down Tasuki's chest to his waistband. He waited to hear the catch in the bandit's breath. "Don't worry at all." He purred at Tasuki, warm lips parted Tasuki's, placing a deep kiss on the redhead's mouth. "Besides." He let his lips linger there, loving and soft, before clamping down with sharp canines on Tasuki's lower lip. "I already have." Sou smiled, pleased beyond measure at his little farce. His tongue flicked out and licked the blood that trickled down Tasuki's chin.

 

Tasuki jerked back as pain cut through the shocked surprise of the sweet kiss. "You mutherfucker! Tama- “ he gazed into laughingly cruel green eyes. “Sou, you sonofabitch! What th' fuck was that about?” he lunged forward and swung a fist at Sou's face.

 

Straddling Sou's hips, Tasuki rammed his fist into the other man's nose as tears worked down his cheeks. “You bastard, how could you pretend you were Tama and say that to me?!” he punctuated his question with another punch to the face. “Ya know how I feel for him! Ya did it t'hurt me!”

 

Sou was paralyzed with laughter. He didn't even try and block the first hard punch to his nose. It was a sick sight; laughing like a lunatic as he wiped the blood from his face, spurting in crimson gushes. "More Tasuki!" He goaded him on, insane laughter making his eyes glint. "Hurt him more! DO IT!"

 

Tasuki leaned back and looked down at Sou. "You're insane." he huffed out between hitched breaths. He wanted to cry, scream, and hurt Sou, but that seemed to be what the man wanted. Shaking his head, Tasuki got to his feet and grabbed his discarded shirt. "Fuck you, Sou. I'm outta here." he growled, tears still working sluggishly down his cheeks. He turned on his heel and slung his shirt back on as he stalked over to his bag and hefted it over his shoulder. "Crazy mutherfucker." he muttered as he stalked away.

 

Sou just smirked and watched him leave. It was cute, really, that Tasuki thought he could just walk away from him. He spit out the blood that had pooled in his mouth while he was lying down. The ground soaked up the spit leaving a rust colored stain in the dirt.

 

Sou turned away, heading for a place he could clean up at. Let Tasuki think he had won, it'll be funnier to see the bandit's face when he found him again. For now, he needed to tend to himself. He knew where Tasuki was headed; he'd catch up eventually.

 

Sou let out a cold chuckle, recalling the tormented face Tasuki showed him after his performance, and opened up the general store's door.

The bell sounded cheerily over the archway, tinkling the shop owner awake.

 

"What can I do y.... Hey are you ok?" The old man shuffled around the counter when he caught a glimpse of his newest customer.

 

Sou grinned in his head while putting on a mask of pain; this was going to be fun.

 

~~

 

Tasuki kept up a fast pace, trying to out run the hurt Sou had dealt him with his little act. It wasn't fair. Sou knew just where to hurt him, but he didn't have the first clue as to how to return the favor. He'd tried to ignore it. Tried to forget about it, but it was not working.

 

Pushing the last few days to the back of his mind, Tasuki found a small clearing several miles away from where he had left Sou. Confidant that there was no way that Sou could catch up to him, Tasuki made camp and found a small hot spring to bathe in.

 

He sat in the hot water and stared at the sky. He stayed completely still, only his shallow breathing and the occasional blink attested to the fact that he was alive. He wanted to give up on everything, but knew that he'd never actually do it. He couldn't.

 

Miaka was depending on him and Tamahome needed his help to seal away Sou and once that was done, then he could worry about giving up.

 

~~

 

The small town's folk were more then generous to a poor hurt boy. They bandaged him up free of charge and even let him stay in a guest bedroom in a house owned by the storekeeper who found him. Their house was small and the meals were pathetic, but they were giving what they could to him, and that almost made Sou not want to have to hurt them before he left.

 

But it was too easy. Ha! As soon as they had brought him in to their house, the little old man, hobbling on a cane and still trying to help Sou walk, he saw the way their granddaughter's cheeks flushed. Fucking Tamahome, even with a bruised cheek and a bandaged nose (probably more so because of the sympathy the condition evoked) they fell to him.

 

They set him up with new clothes, fed him and bathed him. The young girl dotting on him like he was a king. Sou relaxed and enjoyed the treatment, and when the night finally fell, he knew it was time to repay their kindness with a little kindness of his own.

 

His fighter's ears were sharp and he had heard the mouse scratching about outside his door. Sou threw on his best smile (a dark thing even when there was no harm meant behind it) and 'accidentally' bumped into her just outside his guestroom.

 

The rest was easy. A few right words, a few more 'accidental' touches, and when the time was right he pounced with the offer. Tamahome was nowhere to be heard. If any bit of him remained, he would be screaming and fighting for control. Sou lifted a wild grin to his lips. He had won.

 

The sex was swift and uncaring. He took her purity without so much as a kind word and didn't bother to finish once he had his fill. The small trickle of blood stained his sheets and she was cast out of his room abruptly to go to her own and most likely cry herself to sleep with shame. That felt better than the tight embrace of her thighs.

 

In the morning, he woke early and made sure to finish the job by assuring her that her grandparents would hate her if she told them, then Sou left, leaving the ruin he had caused the charitable family behind him.

 

~~

 

Tasuki spent most of the night in the hot springs washing away each one of Sou's touches. Scrubbing until his skin was raw and then scrubbing it again for good measure. Beneath the thin blanket he huddled under beside the fire, his skin was a myriad of scrapes and raw patches but he could care less. He could still feel Sou's silky smooth skin against his own, but banished the feeling to the back of his mind.

 

He sat in front of the small campfire and stared into the flames until dawn's pink light woke him from his daze. Though sluggish and feeling as though he shouldn't move from his place, he forced himself to break camp and continue his journey to Miaka.

 

She was the only thing he would allow himself to think of. She was depending on him to come to her, to take her away from the monsters that had stolen her away. His packs were pulling him down, slowing his steps, but he pushed onward. Clearing only half a mile before he stopped to rest, Tasuki fell over in the middle of the path and into the welcoming arms of unconsciousness.

 

The hot, late spring sun beat down on his chest, cooking the exposed skin of his neck and face but he was oblivious to it.

 

~~

 

Sou had started off the trail with a light and, unsettling, cheery grin, but once the trees covered him, he concentrated on picking up the tracks of his prey. Now he stood bent over a doused fire pit, smudging the ash between the first two fingers and his thumb. The fire hadn't been put out more than a day ago. If he hurried, he could catch up to him in the early hours of morning, but why hurry?

 

He enjoyed the hunt, the beating of his black heart pumped fire through his veins at the thrill of tracking Tasuki. He would wait, take his time following him and catch up just as he lead him to Tamahome's priestess. He couldn't feel her any more. The link that pulsed like neon in Tamahome, and even the dull fizzle while they were vying for control, was dead now. He'd find her though, and maybe before Tasuki could warn her, he could take her too. There goes your precious priestess, Tasuki. And it's entirely your fault.

 

He hooted out a jaunty laugh into the trees, sending black birds flying to the pale sky. Waiting would build his desire, and besides, a sinister smirk revealed his teeth, he learned a new trick he wanted to perfect.

 

~~

 

Sou had found an unexpected gift on the path. Tasuki knocked out and lying face up in front of him. He had really not expected to find him so soon, but it was a turn of luck he was happy for.

 

Sou walked a circle around the unconscious body, squatting down to stroke the red hair in an almost gentle way. "I'm right here, Tasuki." He whispered in his ear before quickly turning and finding a hiding spot in the brush.

 

Low shadows and the pale light of dusk greeted Tasuki as he woke. Bolting to his feet, he looked franticly around for any signs of Sou but found none. He breathed a sigh of relief and gathered up his packs and started out again.

 

His stomach clenched with hunger, but he'd already wasted enough time with his unscheduled nap. Maybe once he had Miaka in his grasp, he could hunt a bit of food but not before. He had to stay in front of Sou, had to get to her before the demon wearing Tamahome's skin did.

 

Gathering his ki for a burst of speed, Tasuki took one last look around to make sure that he wasn't being followed. A rustling in the bushes caught his eye and before he could identify what it was, he darted off in the direction he could feel Miaka's energy coming from.

 

The bandit woke up and franticly searched the path. Sou grinned in the shadows. Then, Tasuki took off quicker than a whip. When he stepped back onto the path, Sou couldn't see his plaything anymore but he could see the careless tracks the speed left behind.

 

He quickened his pace and followed.

 

~~

 

Tasuki slowed to a stop as darkness closed over the night, making his path to Miaka dangerous. He couldn't stop, but he would be stupid to continue in this murky blackness. He growled and made a small camp in the lee of two trees. Just enough room for him to sleep without being in the open. The clouds had looked dark and foreboding when he'd first woken and there was a good chance of rain through the night.

 

He shoved his things into the pack with Tamahome's things and cut his pack open to lay flat. It would drip and hold water, but it would keep the majority of the rain off of him while he slept.

 

Eating a handful of crackers that he'd found in his pack, Tasuki sat in his make shift camp and wondered where Sou was. He knew it was wrong of him to have left that insane man alone, but he'd been scared and hurt and only thinking of escape. He hoped that no one had to pay for his carelessness.

 

Stripping out of his clothes, Tasuki wrapped a blanket around himself to keep warm through the night. It was best to put his clothes back in his pack so they didn't get dirty and wet while he slept.

 

~~

 

Sou glared at the clouds as if they would not dare to defy him if they knew he was angry. He would be forced to do something about this and therefore, most likely, loose Tasuki's tracks for a while. He snarled, pulling the cloth of his coat tighter. He hated him more this very second than he ever had. Tasuki, with all of their clothes, Tasuki with the warm fire, Tasuki with his smug ass attitude. He'd enjoy snuffing out his life in the most painful way possible, by extinguishing his spirit first. But for now?

 

Rain.

 

It opened up on the forest all at once. Great gusts of wind and sheets of water fell to the ground, muddying up the path and making the going difficult. By the end of the first few minutes Sou was soaked. He pulled his coat close to his skin, and it didn't help. The fabric was drenched. He cursed every fiber of whatever being had brought this down on him.

 

He had wanted to get to Miaka first, wanted to watch Tasuki's spirit rip in pieces, but he was going to have to forego that plan in trade for a place to sleep. He wasn't immortal by any means, just a cobwebby section of Tamahome's subconscious, filled with nothing but pure base emotions. Now was as good a time as any to try out what he had been practicing.

 

Sou tore off a branch and snapped it loud against his knee, rustling the bushes and making as much noise as possible over the thrum of the rain. He added a howl of forlorn pain for good measure and collapsed in the mud.

 

If he hadn't already stripped Tasuki of his kindness, he'd at least poke around and see what it was that made the noise.

 

Bolting upright, Tasuki looked out of his small encampment. That pained scream had almost sounded human. He debated over ignoring it and going back to sleep for a few moments, but pictured Sou doing any number of things to some poor bastard and was compelled by guilt to at least see about helping whomever it was that was hurt.

 

Grumbling under his breath, he pulled his pants on then grimaced at the downpour. 'So much for keeping dry.' he thought as he stepped out into the rain.

 

"Hello?! HELLO?! Anyone out here?!" he yelled, searching for some sign of the howl of pain that had woken him.

 

Stumbling through the mud and rain, Tasuki nearly stepped on a lump of something. Glaring down through the hard rain, he gasped when he realized it was a person. Kneeling down, he pushed the body over on to his back.

 

He scuttled back when Tamahome's face came into his line of vision. Indecision ate at him. If he left him here, he might die, but if he took him to camp, then he'd be used like a whore if Sou woke up. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Tasuki did the only thing he could.

 

Hefting Tamahome over his shoulder, Tasuki slogged through the rain and back to camp.

 

Tasuki made a nice little bit of cleaning him up. It was heart warming, really. Sou did his best at miming unconsciousness while Tasuki did his work. It wasn't a pure young girl tending to him, but it would do. Halfway through, he fluttered open his eyes - Blue-gray - and choked out a whisper. "Tasuki?" His voice was gruff as if he had been suffering from a terrible fever.

 

Hands stilled in their work as eyes flicked to the man being worked on. Tasuki dared not believe that this was Tamahome, but it was hard when he heard the soft tones and looked into blue-gray eyes. "Shh, just lie still. I'm almost done."

 

He closed his eyes and tugged the muddied and wet clothes from Tamahome's body and wrapped a blanket around him. Opening his eyes once more, he gave Tamahome a small grin. "Sleep. Dawn will bring better weather."

 

He stood and walked out of the lean-to he'd made and stripped out of his clothes, wringing the wet pants out as best he could before carrying them back in with him. He snatched up a second blanket and wrapped it around himself; eager to hide the raw patches he'd put on his skin. If this were Tamahome, he'd think it was a product of one of Sou's attacks instead of listening to his assurances that it was self-inflicted. He settled down as far from Tamahome as he could, "Good night." he said and flopped over, turning his back to the other man.

 

Sou had to bite his tongue hard enough to taste blood before he stilled his urge to ravish the man taking care of him. He did though, even if the warm iron taste in his mouth thrilled him. He had a mission that wouldn't be able to be completed unless Tasuki trusted him. His little trick had worked, though. When Tasuki looked into his eyes, he saw the right color. He couldn't be bothered with guessing why or how, he just knew that it served him.

 

In the end, it was this carelessness that got he better of him.

 

Sou crawled over to where Tasuki lay. Again the desire lay unanswered just under his skin. He reached out a tentative hand and ghosted a touch over Tasuki's arm. "Tasuki?" He asked in a voice that was, Sou thought, pathetic and weak. "I...I'll explain in the morning, but...do you mind...sharing some warmth? Just for tonight?" He inched closer to Tasuki and waited for the reply.

 

Tasuki went stiff, trying to remain unaffected by Tamahome's closeness and the gentle touch but was hard pressed to keep still. He sighed and turned over to look again into blue-gray eyes. "I'm not dressed, but if ya want to lay beside me you can. Just, I don't have clothes on under this blanket so I can't let ya under here." He was still wary of this situation; unsure if Sou was tricking him or if Tamahome was back and asking for help.

 

Too much. He bit his lip and closed his eyes in order to keep the animal desire caged. Sou nodded, he needed to keep this charade going till they got to where Miaka was. No point in wasting a good moment though.

 

He obediently curled up outside of the blanket, despising every second of it. It wasn't too long, though, before his arm lazily wrapped around Tasuki's mid section. He (shiver) snuggled in closer, humming a sweet contented sound next to Tasuki's ear.

 

Tasuki shivered as warm breath ghosted against the back of his neck, causing other hard to hide reactions to spring up. He was okay with it until a warm arm wrapped around his middle. Angry with his traitorous body for reacting against his will, he closed his eyes and rolled over to face Tamahome. "Okay get under here, but I don't wanna hear it if you wake up to me molesting you. Understand?" he grumbled, pulling the blanket up for Tamahome to scoot under.

 

Maybe the lust-laced smirk would have given him away if Sou hadn't cleverly covered it up with something he was sure Tamahome would do. Making a joke. "I'll try not to call the army to cart your perverted ass away." He scooted under the covers, making a point of brushing against Tasuki as much as he could, and settled in. Tasuki was asking for it. Why else would he have removed his clothes and invited him in. He wanted it, and Sou might just give him a treat during the night.

 

It was warm under here, despite the chill of the damp air, and it made him comfortable. A strange sensation washed over Sou at that point. An almost truly content feeling. It scared him, not because he didn't like feeling it, but because he enjoyed the small comfort of sharing body warmth. Sou angrily pushed away the feeling, slinging an arm around Tasuki's waist and pulling him closer, maybe a bit too roughly.

 

"T-Tama, um, this... damnit." Tasuki cursed and gripped Tamahome's head and pulled him in for a searing kiss, only to shove away and turn his face into the pillow they shared. "I'm sorry, but... damnit you're naked and too damn close for my sanity." he growled into the pillow. He kept his face pushed into the pillow and pressed a hand to Tamahome's chest. "Get out from under my blanket before I do somethin' you'll hate me for." He was burning up, his body trained to react to the touches Sou had forced him to enjoy and, if this were really Tamahome, then he was sure Tama would be up and running from their shelter in the next few moments. "I'm sorry, Tama. I can't help myself."

 

"Shhh." Sou cooed into Tasuki's ear, brushing away the strands of fire-red that strayed to his face. "It's cold out there and I'm soaked. We both are. Besides, what could you possibly do that I'd regret?" In a way, teasing him like this was fun. Sou dipped his head down and licked a trail from the nape of Tasuki's neck to the hollow behind his ear.

 

Tasuki gritted his teeth and lifted his face from the pillow, grabbing the back of Tamahome's head and pulling him in for a kiss. Gods, the sweetness drove all thought from his head and he pulled Tamahome to his chest. Breaking the kiss, Tasuki pressed his face against Tamahome's neck. "That's what I could do to make ya regret stayin' near me. Tell me now that ya don't want me touchin' you and I'll back off." He wanted to repay the pleasure Sou had given him by taking Tamahome slowly, but he wasn't sure. He still had a doubt in the back of his mind as to if this were Tamahome or not, how he reacted may well tell him what he needed to know.

 

Tasuki's little hard-to-get game was growing thin. Sou grabbed Tasuki by the shoulders and rolled on top of him when his patience finally broke. Tamahome's soft hair fell to Tasuki's forehead as Sou leaned over the bandit, "I can deal with kissing Tasuki, but it seems you have something else in mind." His voice was dark with desire and his fingers curled into Tasuki's skin. "Are you missing it, what Sou did to you? How it made you feel? How it made you weep with pleasure? Hmmm?" A shadow of a smile crept to Sou's lips as he struggled to keep Tamahome's softer tone in his voice. "Are you missing his cock inside you, Tasuki? I think you are, and I think you don't want ME at all." Sou paused. He hadn't meant to say that last bit. It just came tumbling out like water from a broken dam.

 

Tasuki froze. "No! No, that's not it! Tama, I've wanted ya for too damned long then Sou came along an'... well, he kinda..." He turned his head, ashamed of what he'd almost said. "I'm in love with Tamahome, an' I only want his touch." he turned golden eyes back to the blue-gray ones above him. Somehow the eyes looking back at him weren't right, they shone with darkness that wasn't usually there. "He's not here. Is he? This was just another trick. Tamahome wouldn't talk like that. He's ashamed of himself for letting you out, Sou. He wouldn't remind me of how I whimpered in lust underneath you." He closed his eyes and went completely limp. "Do whatever. I don't care anymore. Tama's never coming back to me because of you."

 

On any other occasion, Sou would have lost interest the instant Tasuki went limp, leaving the pent up emotion to turn to anger and beating Tasuki for being such a naughty boy to disobey his master, but not this time. Sou let go of the glamour that held Tamahome's eye color in place. Deep green pierced through the gray and spread outward. There was no need to have Tasuki completely enthralled. His body would betray him soon enough, giving little by little over to Sou's demands. "Guessed right." He shrugged off his loss of the game -not yet striking him as odd- and unceremoniously flipped Tasuki to his belly.

 

He didn't bother with foreplay; he had enough of waiting. He was willing to give Tasuki the gift of thinking his 'true love' was the one making him moan, but Tasuki dashed that beauty. He pushed himself inside Tasuki's puckered opening with only a once through of spit covered fingers. He didn't care about the scream, if he screamed, all the better. It was his fault he felt like this, Tasuki's own damn fault Sou's world centered on him.

 

Tasuki bit into the pillow his face was pushed against. His entire body calling out for more. He cursed and raved silently, angry that he was accepting, even eager, for this. Clawing at the ground in an effort to hold back the cries and moans begging to escape, Tasuki held himself rigid as Sou pounded into him. He loved it and hated it all at the same time, but he would do his damnedest to make sure Sou never knew how much he actually looked forward to it.

 

Sou leaned over Tasuki, resting his lower belly against Tasuki's back, his hand planted along side Tasuki's as he thrust fast and deep inside of him. A satisfied grin rolled over his face as he whispered in Tasuki's ear; "You're mine Tasuki. I'm not sharing you with that cowering pussy." He bit Tasuki's shoulder, then licked the pain away. "Your tight little ass is all mine, and I'll fuck you whenever you want me to, Koi." His other hand wrapped around Tasuki's lower belly, demanding more out of his toy. A maniacal grin washed over Sou's face as he let himself become lost in the deep heat of Tasuki. Then, something odd happened. His supporting hand inched closer to Tasuki's and covered it gently. He licked Tasuki's shoulder blade and kissed his neck. Leaning his mouth ever so close to Tasuki's ear, he whispered to him. "I love you." It was quiet, as faint as a summer breeze across his earlobe, but it had escaped Sou's mouth and it frightened him.

 

Tasuki's mind spun around the words pouring into his ears, confused as to when the possessiveness had come and when he'd become `koi' rather than `whore'. What threw him was how gentle - other than the initial entry - Sou was being. Almost as if he cared, and the hand gently covering his own seemed to confirm that! Then loving words whispered across his ear and he gasped in surprise. That simple sentence falling from Sou's lips was enough to crack his will to stay quiet. At first only allowing soft moans that quickly grew to louder more vocal cries. It was Tamahome's voice, but Sou was in control. There was still hope for Tamahome returning. “Please.” He uttered softly, arching his hips back to a more accommodating angle and twining his fingers with Sou's. His free hand went up and behind Sou's head, holding him close enough to press a soft kiss to sweet lips.

 

“Please, Sou,” he asked, allowing some of the love he felt for Tamahome to shine in his eyes. “Please, tell me what you want from me? I'm tired of fighting you, and I... I just want to know if - if you meant that.”

 

Sou's head was swirling. It pounded like hell with confusion, but there was no way he was going to stop what he was doing to his (partner) toy. TOY! That whore had actually ripped kind words from his lips. Impossible!! Tasuki even dared to kiss him. That was it. He would pay for that.

 

Sou tangled his fingers in Tasuki's hair, snapping his head back and pulling roughly. "Whore's should shut their mouths unless there's a dick fucking it." He growled at Tasuki. Sou redoubled his efforts to make the bitch scream, giving him no answers and wondering vaguely why his mouth betrayed him.

 

Tasuki cried out, his scalp tingling with pain and his lover pushing even harder and faster. He bit his lips and clamped his eyes shut, determined to win this round. He would not scream, would not gasp, would not make a single sound. He had to make Sou see that the kinder he was, the better the sex was going to be and the more responsive he was.

 

It didn't hurt, not really, more like just twanging. The words hurt more than anything. "Stop." he whispered. "Stop calling me a whore. I've slept with two people in my life, I'm not a whore."

 

Sou grinned wickedly, he was hurting him and he was happy about that. Then why did that give him a strange feeling? Sou took his hands from Tasuki's hair and slowed his thrusts. Something wasn't right. He stopped entirely, all at once pulling out and casting a suspicious glance to dead space in the clearing. Tamahome was dead. He had choked the life out of him with his own hands, or at least what could be considered his hands in the dream world inside his head. He was gone, and he knew that, but something was wrong. Sou threw Tasuki to the ground like a discarded rag doll. "All your yapping made me sick," he said flatly.

 

Tasuki rolled away, grabbing the blanket from earlier and wrapping it tight around himself. He huddled into the corner, tears of sorrow leaking from his eyes. "I'm sorry." he said, the words muffled in the blanket. He didn't know what to do. Sou had never done this before. He had never stopped until they both were done, but this... it seemed like Sou was upset about something and didn't have the heart to keep hurting him. "Sou-sama? Are you okay?"

 

Sou shot Tasuki a threatening glare, wild with suspicion. "What did you do?" He asked once, and without giving him a chance to respond, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Sou took hold of the blanket and threw it aside, clutching at Tasuki's chin. He pulled the bastard up by his jaw and screamed his question, again, into Tasuki's face. "You two did something. Plotted something. That back-stabbing cunt!"

 

He chucked Tasuki aside one more time and stood up with his arms raised to the treetops in an absurd gesture of victory. "I killed you, you're dead. No need to come around and haunt me." He grinned madly then hooted an angry cry and grabbed his face, falling to his knees, still laughing like a madman.

 

Tasuki's eyes went wide and he stared in confusion as Sou started ranting and screaming at him. "I didn't do anything! I didn't plot anything with anyone! What are you talking-" he stopped as he realized exactly Sou had said. "You killed him? You killed Tamahome?" his voice was whisper soft, eyes still wide in surprise. "Sou," he said gently, crouching beside the laughing madman, his eyes narrowing in anger. "How could you kill him you sonofabitch!?" he growled as he knocked Sou to the ground, straddling his hips and smashing his dark head into the ground. "You mutherfucker! How could you do it?! How could you hurt him?! I should kill you!"

 

Sou blinked up at Tasuki in genuine confusion, stumbling back into the real world for a second. "I didn't hurt Tamahome. I couldn't. I protect him. He was weak, mine. MINE, no one else could have him. He's locked away, done for, far away in the ground where no one can hurt him again. No more breathing Tama. Be a good boy and stop breathing. Join them, it's so easy.” His voice fluctuated jarringly between soft cooing and spitting anger.

 

Tasuki stilled, staring down at Sou in confusion. "What? What are you talking about?" he blinked as he realized that Sou was talking to Tamahome, not him. "Tama! Don't give up! Keep fighting him! Come back to me! I need you!" He lay down on Sou's chest, his lips close to Sou's. "You can do it, Tamahome, come back to me. Come back, take back your life, take back your body, take me back from him before it's too late!" He knew he was saying things that he shouldn't let Sou hear, but he was too desperate to get Tamahome back to care. "Please, Tama, if not for me then do it for you!"

 

Sou ignored Tasuki's encouragement to his unseen enemy. Tamahome was there, no more doubt about it. He was there, even though he was dead at the same time. It made his head ache, ache with knowing and knowing not simultaneously. Sou bucked his head up, colliding hard with Tasuki's forehead. He lifted his hand, their hand, and clawed at the flesh under his eye and at the bridge of his, their, nose, in an attempt to rip the one instance out of his head. Then it was quiet. Amazingly still.

 

Tasuki's head rocked back with the force of the impact of Sou's forehead to his own, he sat back on Sou's hips watching the insane play in silent wonder.

 

Sou cackled from beneath his hands. A soft knowing laugh. "Taaaama." He called out like he was playing hide and seek. Slowly he slid his hands down his face, peeking one eye through his fingers. "Come out come out where ever you are, Tama-kun. " His sing-song voice was quiet even in the hushed woods. "I know you're there. You can't hide any longer." A little harsher, as he patted his own shoulders.

 

Sou's hips began to dance under Tasuki's, slow and seductive. He clawed at the ground and arched his back, letting out a tempting moan. "I've got your little friend, Tama. Come out if you want him back."

 

It wasn't until Sou's hips rocked into his that he realized that he was being used as bait. "Tama, he's not going to hurt me. Fight him, but don't get hurt on my account. I'll be okay." The rocking of Sou's hips became more violent and Tasuki had to lean his hands on Sou's chest to keep his balance. He was mortified that he was beginning to enjoy the heat pressing against his ass, he just hoped that Sou wouldn't take advantage of their state of undress, he'd be even more ashamed if Tamahome were to see him panting like a bitch in heat under Sou.

 

"Tama, fight him, I know you can do it! Don't let him use me as bait to draw you out, kick his demented ass!" he crowed, slipping backward slightly and shivering as he realized that he was very close to being impaled.

 

Sou peered angrily at Tasuki. He grabbed his slim hips and guided him as he continued the hypnotic movements. Sou was fully here again. Something about Tasuki kept him grounded, he was grateful, and he hated feeling so. He knew he was loosing the grip he though was so tight and it angered him beyond rage.

 

"That's right Tama." He smirked, fully in control again after his brief trip to insanity. "Don't come out, for your father's sake, stay where you are buried and silent." He rocked his hips up, pressing his erection against Tasuki's soft rump. He realized the state he had left himself in after retreating so swiftly. He needed him again.

 

And that's what it had become, really. Sou was obsessed with Tasuki. His anger, lust and sickness all revolved around the devilishly sexy redhead riding his movements. And why wouldn't it? Tasuki was, in a way, his creator. "I never got a chance to thank you Tasuki. For giving me life from the darkness of Tamahome's subconscious. It's because of you I exist." He cooed a sickeningly sweet chorus of words. "Tamahome may not want you." Another thrust up with his hips, sliding his arousal against Tasuki. "But I do."

 

When did it happen? Sou couldn't really tell, but it was around the time he killed off Tamahome for good. Something about Tama, something that he was slipped into Sou because it had no where else to go. There was a reason why Sou had been able to hold the green from his eyes, a reason why he couldn't be entirely abusive with Tasuki anymore. They were beginning to merge.

 

Tasuki's eyes went wide, his head shaking from left to right slowly. "No, no I didn't have anything to do with making you. You happened because of the babies! You happened because they died, not because of me!" His hands gripped Sou's shoulders; pushing him back but the angle he was at didn't allow him to push very far. Adjusting his hips to keep Sou from entering him again, Tasuki turned his face away. Confusion and uncertainty clawed at him; he wanted Sou, but he loved Tamahome.

 

His face paled and he snapped his head around to gaze wide-eyed into Sou's eyes. Or was it the other way around?! Did he want Tamahome and love Sou? No, no he couldn't! It was insane! Sou only wanted to hurt him! To use him like a whore and kick his emotions around! Tamahome... but even Sou said that Tamahome didn't want him. Oh shit, this could not be happening! Tears welled in his eyes as he began to piece the clues together, and he shook his head to deny what was staring him in the face. "No, no, that's not how it is. It can't be. I'm not that stupid, I can't be in..."

 

Sou tilted his chin down, examining with great interest everything Tasuki was doing. He kept his eyes trained on his face, following every movement, every twitch. When at last he saw tears break out in Tasuki's eyes he listened intently, Tamahome would surely follow if he were in there.

 

There was pain in his chest, pain that almost felt like it would rip his ribs open. Why was Tasuki crying? He hadn't done anything to him to make him cry. Sou shook the thought from his head, why did he care why the idiot was crying? It was enough that he was hurt. That's all Sou wanted, he just wanted Tasuki to feel the pain losing his family had caused him.

 

He stopped roving the inner plains of his mind. Suddenly fear gripped him. He had found Tamahome, he was right here. Too close to the surface to see as a separate thing any more. He was him.

 

The divided seishi squeezed his eyes shut, tears formed at the corners. It wasn't a different being calling himself by his old name. It was him. He saw himself, wild with anger, in the bath. Felt the cold dark feelings that he refused to admit were his.

 

Sou's eyes flashed open, fear racing into him. "Tasuki, help me!” He grabbed his (friend) toy (lover) around the waist and pulled his cheek to the yielding flesh there. His breath came in gasps. "I'm fading! He's gone, I'm gone, I'll be nothing." He clenched tighter into Tasuki's back.

 

Tasuki looked tearfully at Sou, tears spilling down his cheeks. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what ya want from me." His voice was soft and filled with sadness, but he pet the confused seishi's head with one hand, still offering comfort and solace. He pulled Tamahome's head up, cupping his chin and looking into fearful eyes. "What do I do to help you? How do I know this isn't some insane trick just to fuck me again?" He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, a mournful cry escaping him. "You already made me love both parts of you, what more do you want?" he whispered to the slowing rain outside of their little camp. "You want me dead? You want me to go away? Just tell me what you want from me, that's all I need to know. You've changed me from someone who knew what gentle love was into some kind of freak that craves the way Sou treats me. Just make up your mind; either love me like Tamahome or kill me like Sou. I don't care either way anymore."

 

Tamahome listened to the request and closed his eyes against fresh tears. All of the black outs came back to him, and why shouldn't they? He was there. It was him treating Tasuki like that. Dragging emotion out of his comrade to fill the void of it inside of himself. "The first time I felt anything other than sorrow was the night I found you in the bath." Tamahome began, ashamed of what he was revealing, but saying it just the same. "You were so vibrant. You were always vibrant. Even your darkest blues were vivid in your sorrow. Mine, mine was empty; hollow like the ground after an eon-old tree has been ripped from it." His voice was whisper soft and ragged from the tears that were spilling over his cheeks and onto the tan tummy of Tasuki. Tamahome, or Sou, which ever one you wanted to call him at this point, because both are correct, turned his face up to the other man. "Can you forgive me? Can you make me forgive myself? I wanted to make you hurt." He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Tasuki's chest. "Why did you hate me so much? Enough to turn demons into real things. Enough to set them on my family to get to me?"

 

Tamahome beat his head to Tasuki's chest repeatedly. His fingers curled into claws at Tasuki's back, but he made no move to attack him. The pain in his heart muted the anger in his voice.

 

Tasuki blinked and the tears on his cheeks splashed onto Tamahome's, mixing with the tears already there. "Tama, I've loved you since I met you. I could never hate you. Why do you think I would... turn demons on your babies? I love them, loved them since I protected little Yuiren from those bullies in your hometown." he paused to suck in a trembling breath. "Kids have always been special to me; growing up I used to dream of having kids of my own that I could play with all day long. There is no way on this earth that I would ever hurt a baby or send something else to hurt a baby."

 

"I forgave ya before ya knew that you were hurting me, but I can't make you forgive yourself. You should, but I can't make you do it. Tama, I love you, I'll always forgive you no matter what you do to me. If you killed me right now, I'd forgive you before I died."

 

Tamahome shook his head. Against what statement, he didn't know. He didn't want to forgive himself, but it was somehow worse that Tasuki could do so, so easily. "They were all I had." He managed to get out before erupting in sobs. "Gods. I miss them." He said between gulped breaths. He was shaking violently, throngs of tortured sobs rolled from him. Tamahome fell back to the floor, curling back into the position he had favored for the weeks after the failed summoning. It was like he had gone backwards. Back he was, with the sorrow he all too gleefully let go of when Sou came around. Only this time, Tamahome was confused and guilty.

 

Tasuki scooted around and lay behind Tamahome, cuddling up and pulling a blanket over them both. "I know ya miss them, I miss them too. But ya can't keep beatin' yourself up over it. You did everything you could to save them. They will always be with ya, as long as ya never forget all of the wonderful times ya had. Don't remember their death, love, remember their lives."

 

He held Tamahome close, offering as much comfort as he could to the tortured man in his arms. He sang a lullaby of whispers against the top of Tamahome's head, trying to bleed the pain out of the man he loved and into himself. It killed him to see Tamahome this way, and he'd do whatever it took to take the pain away.

 

It was hours before Tamahome's body finally surrendered to the exhaustion of crying. His head throbbed and his eyes burned like bits of embers in his head. Sleep was a welcoming darkness.

 

 

TBC