Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Darkness of the Heart ❯ Endings Are Only the Beginning ( Chapter 5 )

He was in a lake. A lake he had visited before in his waking dreams, his black out retreats. Only the lake wasn't peacefully warm and quiet, sun warmed bliss that it had been. The lake was just a lake. Above him the clouds were overcast and there was a light rain falling. The drops were icy against his skin. His family wasn't here either. No Yuiren to giggle and play with his hair. He was alone and even though it was terribly sad as the empty wind howled, he knew it was the truth. Eventually the clouds above him would break. Maybe they would form again and rain in monsoons over this body of water, but reality was comforting in its sadness.

 

He looked down at his reflection in the water. A hard face stared back at him, an ugly sneer on its lips. "You figured it out." He spoke both to and from the refection in the water, then it blurred. Ripples erased the sneer in the water and he looked to the shore. It was far away, but beyond the water line there were people. A short brunet in funny clothes stood in the middle of them. They were calling to him, but he couldn't hear them.

 

"Maybe." he said to himself.

 

"Maybe ain't good enough, baka." A voice spoke in his ear.

 

He turned around in a full circle and Tasuki was standing between him and the shore. He was wearing strange clothes. He spoke to him once more, holding out his hand to him, then Tamahome woke up. He was water logged and shivering in the sprinkles of light rain. His eyes stung and the grief returned, but he no longer cried.

 

Tasuki sat staring out into the horizon, waiting for Tamahome to wake and allowing his mind to wander to the strange happenings of the last few days. He'd been used, abused, beaten, betrayed, cast aside, shoved away, lost the one he loved and emotionally ripped apart. But that was just the down side of everything. He'd been shown what true passion was, played with his friend, helped him understand the horrors of having a split personality, fallen in love, and gained a new understanding of his friend.

 

Sure, he had lost the man he loved, but that was okay. As long as Tamahome was happy, then he'd be happy for him even if it meant that he'd be stuck on the sidelines just watching as everything continued around him. Life wasn't about being happy, life was about making other people happy and accepting the small piece of happiness that that gave you.

 

He promised himself he'd stop hoping for someone to love him, stop looking for it to happen and just let life bring him what it would. If his future included love, then so be it. If not, then he could always spend his life being the casual idiot he'd begun life as.

 

He'd started a small fire, laying their clothes out on rocks to dry even though the light mist threatened to thicken again, but sat away from it. Enjoying the cold that seeped into his bones, allowing the chill to shore up some of the hurt he felt so that he'd be able to continue his life. "Tamahome, it's getting late. We need to hurry if we are going to get to Miaka before the storm gets too bad." his voice sounded the same as always, though slightly more mature for having learned some of life's lessons through these last few days.

 

Tamahome pushed himself off the ground. His arm felt like jello and he didn't want to dare walking yet, so he propped himself up by one tree that held their shelter. He stared into the misty gray morning with blank and tired eyes.

 

"You were in my dream last night." he had to start a second time after he cleared his throat and swallowed the sandpaper her was chewing on. "I'm not sure why, but you were in the lake with me." He spoke as if Tasuki had already known of the peaceful place he escaped to during his Sou-episodes. "The others were on the shore, I think." Tamahome decided to try his legs, they had to get to Miaka still, after all. He straightened up on the tree he was leaning against and nearly fell over.

 

Tasuki looked up as Tamahome came into view, pulling the damp pants nearest to him over his lap. "I don't understand, Tamahome. What lake and what others?" He got to his feet as Tamahome fell over but stopped himself from moving towards him. "Are you all right?" he asked, holding the pants in front of himself to hide his nakedness. "Give me a minute to get dressed and I'll help you get used to walking again." He moved around to the backside of a tree, far from Tamahome and pulled on his damp pants then came back out. "There's a dry blanket for you to wear while your clothes dry, Tamahome. Sit down and I'll get it."

 

Tamahome sat where he fell, not bothering to get up, or look up. His puffy eyes were still cast down at the dirt, a frown that seemed eternal was set on his face. "There was a lake I used to go to when I... was him. This time it was cloudy, it used to be so bright I could hardly see, but you were there, asking me to come back to the shore. Miaka and Nuriko, Chichiri and the others were there, on the sand, I think." Tamahome glanced up at the tree Tasuki was behind. "Thank you. For being in the water with me."

 

Tasuki stilled, then tossed a careless smile over his shoulder. "Nah, don't thank me. It was just a dream, and ya know that me and water don't mix." he tried to joke, tried to ease the melancholy that was thick in the air, but his laugh was as strained as Tamahome's voice.

 

He grabbed up the fire-warmed blanket and dropped it over Tamahome's shoulders as he walked back to the spot he'd begun this day and flopped back down in the grass. The wet ground soaked into his pants immediately, but he didn't pay any attention, instead keeping his gaze just over Tamahome's head. "How are you feeling?"

 

"Cold." He responded, though he wasn't shivering. "Feels like there's ice in my stomach." ...Could you warm it for me? Tamahome shook his head free from the thought that was so much like Sou's dark voice and yet he knew was his own.

 

Tasuki nodded and got to his feet again, rummaging through their combined pack for some of the fruit he'd put there after the debacle in the barn. Tossing over an apple, Tasuki seated himself back in the spot he'd just vacated. "Sorry I don't have anything hot to give you to eat. There's some more blankets in the sleeping space if you want them."

 

He felt strange, talking to Tamahome after being so careful around Sou for so long. He wasn't sure how to treat him. Did he joke and be his usual idiot self? Was he supposed to be afraid? Sad? Forget that anything had happened at all? Since he couldn't figure out what to do or how to treat him, he decided to just be polite and not mention anything.

 

Tamahome caught the apple with reflexes that had obviously not been dulled since his weeping bout. Now, he turned it in his hands and just stared at it. He wasn't hungry, but he supposed he should eat anyway. He took a bite out of the fruit and had to spit it out to keep from gagging. It tasted terribly bitter. He made a face at it. It was the first emotion to cross his face this morning.

 

It was small at first, a kind of choked bubbling, then it grew. Tamahome was laughing. He held out the apple to Tasuki. "What are you trying to do, poison me?" He poked at the other man in the camp. Gods it felt good to laugh. It was like being able to see the sun after weeks of rain.

 

Cocking his head to the side in confusion, Tasuki reached out and took the apple from Tamahome. "No, I don't want to poison you." he murmured and took a bite.

 

Eyes wide he spit the bite of apple out and clawed the awful taste off of his tongue. "What th' fuck?" he turned the apple around, looking at it closely. "It's a persimmon. Fuck. No wonder it tastes so bad. I'm sorry, let me find ya something else to eat, Tamahome-san." He froze for a second, the honorific slipping out before he could squash it, and then made a large production of pretending he hadn't said anything by digging through the pack again and muttering to himself.

 

Tamahome quieted soon after the lovely outburst of laughter. More out of respect and mingled guilt than out of the seriousness of the situation. He averted his eyes down as Tasuki dug through his pack. "I ... I like it better when you called me Tama." He said to the ground, lifting his eyes only briefly to check on Tasuki's expression.

 

Tasuki nodded, keeping his expression carefully blank. "Okay, Tama, then." he returned, then handed over a handful of peaches. "These should taste good. Eat, you need some food in your belly." He moved back to the spot away from the fire that he'd claimed as his own, and lay back in a puddle. The cold water felt great on his skin, and it seeped into him like a healing balm. It hurt less because of the cold, and so he flopped over to absorb more cold into his chest where the ache was the worst. It dimmed, but didn't completely go away like he wanted it to so he stayed still. He didn't bother worrying about his pants being wet, or the fact that he was shirtless in such cool weather. All he wanted was more cold. “I'm gonna go find some water to bathe in while you eat. I'll be back in a little while." He said as he got to his feet and brushed the water off of his chest.

 

Tamahome had gotten to his feet again, albeit a little wobbly still, and went over to Tasuki. When Tasuki stood up, he stood right next to him and Tasuki didn't seem to realize it. "It's better than bathing in a puddle." He said observing the sopping ground Tasuki had gotten up from. "Do you mind if I come with you?" He didn't know why he was acting like a scared puppy, but he just didn't want to be alone right now. Maybe he was afraid Sou would somehow fracture and take over again and maybe he was afraid that he was indeed blended with him forever.

 

Tasuki flinched, then smiled. "Yeah, there's probably only cold water but you can come with me if you like. I wasn't trying to bathe in the puddle, I just wanted more... yeah, so I was bathin' in a puddle." He smiled wide and motioned for Tamahome to follow him with a jerk of his head. Afraid to actually touch anyone and have them steal his precious numbing cold. "You'll have to use the blanket to dry off in. I don't have nothin' else and I don't need to dry off. I like the cold water on my skin. It feels good."

 

Tamahome smiled. "I don't want to go into the water if you find any. I'm not crazy." He stopped, it had been meant so lightly, but it chilled his heart. He was crazy. Even if Sou were blended back to where he should be, he would still be crazy; his friends would always have to be wary around him. "I'm not going to bathe, I've had enough water last night, thanks."

 

He shrugged at Tasuki's odd like of cold baths, then blushed. Was it that kind of cold bath? He hoped not. He didn't want to be the cause of his friend's turn on, but that wasn't true, was it? No, he was pretty sure he wanted Tasuki to need to take a cold bath whenever he was with him. He knew it, but he didn't admit it.

 

Tasuki smiled woodenly, unsure if he should reply, and walked off to where he could hear running water. It was faint, but he could hear it, just a little ways up this path was his salvation. The cold started to fade as his muscles warmed up and he moved faster, trying to get to the icy cold relief he could hear getting closer with every step. Turning fevered eyes to Tamahome, he muttered an apology and ran the last few feet to the small stream that had swollen in last night's rain. He didn't bother to take off his pants, he just ran in and settled in water up to his chest.

 

This was relief. The icy fingers threading into his body, numbing the hurt and confusion he'd been drowning in, and allowing his chest to loosen it's painful clenching. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then went under and stayed there to allow the icy water to calm the sorrow in his mind and body. This was good, this was relief, and this was his only escape.

 

His lungs began to beg for air but he wasn't all that worried about it. The cold was making it fade even now, and he was determined to shore up as much cold into his body as he could take. He'd go up for air soon, but for now he released a few bubbles and watched them float to the surface. He'd come up soon, just a few more moments and he'd be cold enough.

 

His vision blurred and he felt confused, no longer liking the soothing feel of the icy water. It bit his skin, causing pain to ping through him and he jerked up as fast as his sluggish body would allow. Gasping in air and standing on legs that wanted to collapse, he didn't like this anymore. The cold hurt, the heat hurt, being in love hurt, being alone hurt. He couldn't seem to find a way to escape the pain. Staring at his face in the water, drops of liquid ice rolling down his skin and out of his hair, he thought he heard someone calling to him. He shook it away, fairly certain that he'd come to bathe alone. Putting a hand to his face he jerked back, that wasn't right. His face felt hot and the ache was spreading down through the rest of him. Gasping in another breath he dunked himself again, not really understanding what his body was trying to tell him.

 

Tamahome trotted up to the clearing where the stream ran. Tasuki didn't seem to be in it yet. He looked around to find him, but he was no where to be found. His eyebrows knit in confusion. "Tasuki?" He called out to the empty woods. It was then that he saw the bubbles and the uneven lapping of water along the water's closer shore. Tamahome's eyes went wide. "Tasuki!" He shouted as the bandit came up for air only to dunk himself back down.

 

Was he trying to drown himself? Tamahome, who had not intended on going anywhere near the water, dove in after him. The water was icy. It grabbed at his skin like gnarled hands, tugging at his clothes, which he had not bothered removing in his panic. His arm wrapped around Tasuki's midsection, and up under his arms.

 

Gasping for breath himself, Tamahome broke the surface wincing as his muscles cramped and refused to move. He pushed Tasuki up on shore, focusing Ki into his limbs to urge them on. Just barely making in onto the ledge himself, Tamahome panted in a few breaths before rolling to Tasuki's side. "T-Tasuki, are you ok? Tasuki?"

 

Tamahome became frantic, he didn't look like he was breathing, but his body seemed to be convulsing in spasms from the cold. He pinned up the bandit's nose like he had seen Mitsukake do before, and breathed in air to Tasuki's lungs. He alternated breath and rubbing the cold out of his chest. Again he found himself begging to a god to save someone's life. Breath, pump, rub, breath, pump, rub. "Come on, Tasuki, wake up!"

 

Tasuki convulsed then turned his head and coughed up a lung full of water, gasping in deep breaths as he rolled away from Tamahome. "Th-thanks, but you're t-taking away the c-c-cold that's keeping me n-n-numb." he stuttered out, his teeth chattering. "I just w-wanna be cold, it hurts l-less."

 

His entire body was shaking, and warmth began to seep back in slowly. "I-I need to get cold!" he whimpered, trying to push himself up right so that he could go back to the water.

 

Tamahome put his hands on Tasuki's shoulders, his instincts to protect kicking back in after a long hiatus. "You're not going anywhere Tasuki, you've got a fever and you have to sweat it out." He looked around hopelessly.

 

There was no where to take him if it got worse. He picked the shivering bandit up in his arms and carried him back to their camp. Luckily, they hadn't walked far, and if their luck held, the rain clouds would pass quickly and the woods would warm up again.

 

Placing Tasuki down gently close to the fire, he stripped off the clinging, wet pants and dressed him in the blanket until their clothes could dry out. Making use of his own freezing wet shirt, he bundled it up on his head and patted down his face with cool water.

 

Tasuki's eyes drifted shut as icy cold water soothed his face. "Mmm, s'nice Tama. Cold is good. Hurts less." he muttered, attempting to kick off the blanket. "No blanket, warm is bad." He wriggled around, trying to get the blanket off of him. It was pulling heat in, and he didn't want heat. Heat made the ice inside melt and if it melted then he'd fall apart. "No heat. Don't wanna hurt no more. Tama, make the heat go 'way."

 

"Hush Tasuki." He scolded him like a wayward child, his mothering practice from when he raised Yuiren coming back to him, "You went and caught yourself a fever and I say you need the blanket, don't fight." He pulled the blanket up to Tasuki's chin and patted down his face again. Tamahome went to the pack and searched it for something that would be suitable to hold water. "I have to go get some water. You keep that blanket on you or they'll be hell to pay." He was fairly certain that whatever hell he had in mind would have to be straightened out, because he didn't think the blanket would be in place by the time he got back.

 

Tasuki shook his head; Tama didn't know what he needed. He didn't want the blanket, it was making him warm and the ache was coming back. Silent tears worked from the corners of his eyes as he tried to kick off the blanket again. When he couldn't get enough strength worked up, he rolled away from the fire and tried to get up.

 

It hurt so bad that he had to lay there for a minute, gasping in breaths of cool air and trying to rub away the hot tears that refused to stop. He got shakily to his knees and decided that if he couldn't walk, he'd crawl back to the soothing cold of the water.

 

Tamahome ran as fast as he could to the water, and double that back carrying with him precious little in the emptied sake bottle, but it would have to do. He got to the campsite just in time to find Tasuki missing. He whipped his head back and fourth, scanning the trees for red. "Tasuki! Tasuki!" He called into the woods.

 

"No!" Tasuki cried out, trying to move faster but his fever stricken body wouldn't allow him to. "Just let me get cold, I'll be better and it won't hurt anymore." He had to focus to get his body to do what he wanted. Right hand forward, right knee forward, left hand forward, left knee forward. He repeated it in his mind, cursing the heat that was causing so much pain.

 

Finally he heard the crashing as Tasuki made his way clumsily through the trees. Tamahome dashed off in that direction. Branches whipped him in the face, and he paid them no mind. Finally he got his hands on Tasuki's wrists and pulled him back to him in an embrace. "Tasuki, I told you there'd be hell to pay, you idiot, come on let's get you back." Once again, Tamahome lifted Tasuki up wedding style and laid him down next to the fire.

 

Tasuki latched his arms around Tamahome's neck. "Cold! You're cold! Don't leave." he tried to push his face under Tamahome's chin and absorb some of the blessed cold but his arm was in the way.

 

He raised tearful, fevered eyes to Tamahome. "It hurts. It hurts so badly. Make it stop hurting." he begged, rubbing at the hot tears that spilled down his cheeks.

 

Tamahome looked uselessly down at the cool rag that was getting warm by now. He tossed it aside and obeyed Tasuki's wishes. He didn't leave him. Tamahome force fed Tasuki the water inside the sake bottle and then rested his body over Tasuki's naked skin, letting his own absorb the fever. It was a trick his mother had shown him when he was little. He remembered being terribly embarrassed when she told him how she had gotten his fever down. Tasuki would have to deal. It was the only way he seemed to lay still.

 

Tasuki shivered and shook under Tamahome, the heat of his fever seeping out slowly. He whimpered into Tamahome's neck and clutched him close like a child with their favorite doll. Through the night, the fever blazed.

 

Tasuki's whimpering had become mumbled dreams. He raved about Sou and how terrible he felt for betraying Tamahome in enjoying the things he did. Cried out for Miaka to forgive him for not loving her the way he should. He begged Yuiren and Chuei to forgive him for letting their brother hurt so badly. Towards dawn, Tasuki's fever dreams quieted and he lay still. The fever cooled and then vanished by daybreak.

 

Once the fever broke, sometime during the wee hours of morning, Tamahome carefully removed himself and replaced his body with the blanket. He made his way back to the lake and dipped the shirt in the cold water, refilling the bottle while he was there. When he got back, he placed the cloth on Tasuki's forehead and wiped down his face. He was exhausted and dosed off three times while sitting next to Tasuki. With each he woke to the jolt of his muscles relaxing and then catching him again as he fell. Finally, he stopped trying to sit. He lay down next to Tasuki, wrapped his arm over his chest and drifted asleep watching Tasuki's face in fitful dreams.

 

~~

 

Tasuki opened his eyes in the early hours of the morning, surprised to see Tamahome's face so close to his own. Leaning up slowly, he gazed down at Tamahome's sleeping face and smiled softly. He wanted to wake him with a kiss, but dared not touch him. He didn't know where they stood anymore. Were they friends? Lovers? Strangers who stay together for fear of being alone?

 

He sighed and sat up completely. Noting that he was naked, he blushed and looked around for something to wear. He only vaguely remembered the previous day, and had no recollection of getting naked and going to sleep. He was curious, but could wait until Tamahome woke to get his answers. He got shakily to his feet and took a good look around the camp for something to wear.

 

While Tasuki was still finding clothes, Tamahome cracked open an eye. He watched Tasuki flit around the campsite naked for a little while longer than could be explained away by 'I was happy to see you well'. He immediately blushed and closed his eyes again, hoping to do over the morning's start.

 

Tamahome made an obvious yawning stretching noise and sat up from his, rather uncomfortable, spot on the ground. "Ahh, Morning Tasuki." he feigned surprise at seeing him naked and covered his eyes, "You're feeling better, I hope."

 

Tasuki eeped and leapt behind a tree. "Better?" he asked, trying to keep his mind off of knowing that Tamahome had seen him naked. "I don't know what ya mean." he poked his head out, a dark blush on his face, to make sure that Tamahome wasn't looking before stepping out and grabbing a blanket to wrap around his hips. He kept an eye on Tamahome's covered eyes as he went back to their pack then turned his full attention to finding something to cover his nakedness. "Good m-morning, Tama-s... uh Tama."

 

"You had a fever." he explained. "You were difficult as hell to deal with too." He teased him, glad to see that Tasuki held no recollection of the fevered dreams, the confessions inside of those, or the gentle kiss he had placed on Tasuki's lips when he had finally let go of the sickness and rested quietly. "So if you're feeling better, we got t'get a move on t'find Miaka an make sure she's safe." Tamahome blinked at what he just said. Was he starting to talk like Tasuki in his place? Gods he hoped not. The boy was cute, but that accent was (sexy) annoying.

 

Tasuki smirked over his shoulder. "Do I hear a bandit twang or do my ears deceive me?" he laughed as he got to his feet and tossed the blanket down so that he could step into the pants he'd found. "I think my lil' Tama-chan's found himself a nice twang! Sounds good on ya, cute too." His face heated and he quickly tied his pants closed and tugged on a shirt. "Um, sorry. I hadda borrow one of your shirts. Mine were... well; they don't travel so good. An' you're right, we gotta get goin'."

 

He paused as he realized that Tamahome had said that he'd had a fever. "Wait, I hadda what? I ain't never been sick a day in my life! Damn near dead, yeah. Sick, not on yer life pal. Ma said I'm th' kind what only gets sick when there's... well, forget what Ma said."

 

"...Work to be done?" Tama made a smart-ass guess at the end of the sentence. He shrugged. "Well, you were either feverish, or Cr..." Damn how many times a day did he use that word? "Or a really good actor. Got your skin to burn an' everything." Double damn, he had been consciously keeping his words crisp and he still twanged at the end.

 

"Work to be done my ass! It's a soul thing, Ma says. Like I only get sick if there's somethin' in my soul makin' me sick... Or somethin' stupid like that to explain why I never get sick. And I wasn't acting! I don't remember anything from yesterday other than sitting over there and wanting to be numb." he stopped abruptly and turned back to the pack, eager to find anything that might take his mind off of the stupid confessions he'd made.

 

"So, ya gonna sit in bed all day or are ya gonna go with me?" He asked the pack, his head nearly buried in it to keep Tamahome from seeing his pink cheeks. Realizing what he said, he blushed darker and quickly turned to face Tamahome. “I mean go with me t'get Miaka back. Not go with me, like ...datin' or nothin'. I mean, damnit, I don't know what I mean!”

 

“Never mind!” he said loudly, quickly cutting off whatever Tamahome could have said. “I got a few peaches in this pack, I dunno how good they are but we need t'have food in our bellies before we go.”

 

He kept up a steady stream of one-sided conversation while he searched through the pack for the promised fruit, then smirked as he showed Tama two fat peaches. “Found `em!” he bit into one, the juice rolling down his fingers, and chewed thoughtfully. “It's good an' sweet still.” He said as he walked over to his brother seishi and put the taste-tested peach in his hand. “Sorry I hadda taste it for ya, didn't want ya to eat it if it was sour.” He said, keeping his eyes away from Tamahome's as he licked his fingers clean.

 

Tamahome caught his breath in his throat and just stared in surprise at Tasuki as he ranted, pulled peaches out of his bag, ranted some more, gave him one, assured him the fruit was good, and licked his fingers.

 

Tamahome stared at Tasuki's mouth intently as he performed this last action, and swallowed hard. Realizing what his was doing, he licked his lips and stared at the peach in his hands, one small bite of dark yellow grinning up at him. He stretched out his tongue and licked up some of the juice that dribbled down the side to his thumb. When he got to the bite marks he stopped dead in his tracks. If he licked over that spot, it'd be like being inside Tasuki's mouth. The thought ran his blood hot and he could feel a heat stinging his cheeks as the image of what he had been staring at flooded back into his mind.

 

Tamahome closed his eyes, not entirely aware of what pushed him to do it, and covered the spot with his lips, tenderly licking around the edges of the fuzzy skin. His sent thrills down his spine and he breathed in the moment. After he was done, Tamahome knew he was crazy. He had to be still mad if eating fruit was making blood flow to the right places. Sou was gone, or rather merged with him to make himself whole again, maybe something remained of the madness that drove that dark side of him.

 

Just because Tasuki refused to look Tamahome in the eye did not mean he hadn't noticed the way he fit his mouth directly over where Tasuki had bitten, nor did he miss the play of his tongue around the edges of the bite.

 

It sent fire through him, the kind of fire that could consume him if he didn't look away. But that was the problem; he couldn't look away. His eyes were glued to the play of Tama's mouth over the peach, and it made him gulp back a moan that had started to voice itself. No, things were different now. Sou was gone and Tamahome had told him repeatedly that he wasn't interested in any kind of relationship. He had to deal with the clawing hunger that Sou had awoken in him quietly, had to shove it down into a dark pit that would squelch it forever.

 

He cleared his throat and turned back to his pack, "I found some clean clothes for ya, whenever you're ready to go." he said quietly, afraid to raise his voice for fear that Tamahome would hear the husky growl.

 

Tamahome had nearly been lost in his humming fantasy world and when Tasuki spoke up, he started out of it. "What?" He cleared his throat as well, getting it back to the right pitch. "Oh yeah sure." He coughed again just for good measure and made sure he was in proper order before standing up. Last thing he needed was for Tasuki to see what eating a peach had done to him below the belt. He scolded himself. This was ridiculous, he had already told Tasuki how he felt, already said no. So, why and what were these feeling that had been sneaking up on him since Sou disappeared from (merged with) him?

 

Tasuki tossed over the clothes then went into their little sleeping area to give Tamahome some privacy. He took several deep breaths to help calm the fires rolling through him. Closing his eyes, he focused on anything but the last few days. But the image of what had happened in that small area not so long ago flashed in his mind, and he bit his fist to keep from groaning aloud. He had to find somewhere to be alone so that he could get some relief or he'd shame himself. "Go ahead an' change. I'm gonna go get a bath in right quick!"

 

Tamahome jerked his head up as Tasuki went running down the path to the water. He shrugged to himself as an answer, because he was the only one left. Slipping his clothes off, he realized that he had not done so wonderful a job concealing his arousal as he thought he had.

 

Flicking quick glances to his left and right, Tamahome contemplated taking care of it before Tasuki came back from his bath.

 

Why don't you let him take care of it? A voice beckoned to him from his thoughts. For a moment, just a moment, Tamahome was stepping onto the path Tasuki had left on. Then, his morals got the better of him. He pulled on the pants in one brisk gesture, as if taking his time would change his resolve. Dressed and ready to go, Tamahome returned to the campsite and waited. He fidgeted a bit to get comfortable; he did have a kind of twisting pain in his lower belly. After a few more minutes of shifting, he peered down the path, watching for Tasuki to return and cautiously slid his hand down to ease the pain.

 

Tasuki sat in a shallow pool, breathing hard and gazing bemusedly at the perfect ring of teeth marks in his knuckles. He hadn't broken the skin, but it had been a near thing. He had never cum so fast in his life. He hadn't realized that the last, interrupted coupling had left him wanting as much as it had. Things had become emotional and insane and had taken his attention from how badly he wanted to finish.

 

He glared down at his unruly body and silently cursed himself. This was the last time he would picture either Tamahome or Sou while he did this. It was killing him to allow those fantasies to continue; knowing that there was no hope for it becoming reality. He wanted to give Tamahome as much time as possible, so he just sat there and glared down at the evidence of his guilty pleasure that had splashed on his thigh.

 

The task was no quick thing for Tamahome. Pain had seized him hard enough to make him want to stop, but he knew stopping would just bring more. So, instead, he let it come slowly, nervously keeping one eye on the path to make sure Tasuki was far away.

 

Funny thing though, Tasuki was on his mind more than just, is he coming? Ironically enough it was more along the lines of I want him to cum. It was the first time he had ever imagined anyone in particular let alone a guy, let ALONE the guy who he had let down and blamed and hated for weeks now. But there it was plain as day. As soon as his mind let go of the image of Tasuki, the ever-climbing fire froze. Then, he would picture Tasuki, gazing at him with dark amber eyes, his mouth, hot and tight around him, and he'd feel a roller coaster of heat run though his belly.

 

He came, imagining Tasuki's face, and he let the bandit's name slip from his lips in a sighing moan as he did so. Catching his breath, he threw one more quick look to the path and cleaned up.

 

Tasuki dressed slowly, still giving ample time for Tamahome to change clothes. He walked up the path, his feet dragging because just the thought of Tamahome brought back the raging heat. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he had to be in love with someone who didn't love him back. That he wanted someone who did not return the feeling. But what made it worse was that he already knew how Tamahome felt, even before it had progressed to love. Shaking his head, he whistled as he came close to camp, allowing Tamahome to know that his privacy was about to be invaded and allow him to make himself presentable.

 

Tamahome had finished not a moment too soon it seemed. There was cheerful whistling coming closer as he covered the sticky spot with dirt and patted off his hands. "You feel better?" He asked, feeling better himself after having taken care of the urge. "We've been saying we need to hurry for the past two days now. I think it's time we carried through with our plans." He smiled at Tasuki. Apparently, that was a bad idea. It brought back the pretend session he just envisioned. He smiled wider to cover, and tossed the bag to Tasuki. "Let's go."

 

Catching the bag that was tossed at him, Tasuki grumbled. "Yeah, yeah, I couldn't help I was sick aho. What do ya want? Me tryin' to save Miaka when I can't even think about nothin' but the heat in me?" He blinked, then bit his tongue and started off down the path without another word. That last part had come out completely wrong, but hopefully Tamahome wouldn't think of it the same way that he had. "Come on, yer draggin' ass." he added, trying to cover for his slip.

 

That didn't get past him unperverted. Tamahome was glad Tasuki turned around and didn't catch the blush on his cheeks. He took a cleansing breath and followed after him.

 

Tasuki kept up a fairly fast pace, eager to get to Miaka and have someone else with them so that he would be reminded to keep his eyes away from Tamahome. At the moment that task was fairly easy; he was far enough ahead that if he wanted to see Tamahome he'd have to turn around and look at him. But, then he'd have to have an excuse as to why he had stopped in the middle of the trail to turn and ogle him.

 

Tasuki's embarrassment over his comment was still with him. Every time he tried to berate himself for it, he'd flash back to the times Sou had taken him and end up hard as a rock. It was irritating that he couldn't think about Tamahome without wanting him, but he'd have to get used to it.

 

Tamahome was off limits.

 

Forever.

 

“Hurry up, slow poke!” he called over his shoulder, slowing his pace only slightly.

 

Tamahome was lagging back. He was moving slower than Tasuki for a reason, but it wasn't anything he could just up and say. So, when Tasuki called back to him to hurry up, he had to willingly abide. Tearing his eyes away from the back of Tasuki's pants, Tamahome caught up and walked beside his... friend. Friend, he told himself again. He smiled and patted Tasuki on the shoulder, "Just letting you lead for a bit."

 

His hand slipped down Tasuki's back as he removed it, and sneakily he brushed against the other man's waist as well. His heart skipped a beat. He remembered every curve of Tasuki's body. Tamahome had chalked his feeling and fantasy to lingering physical feelings from his insane time, but suddenly realized he would give anything to really be the one touching him the way he had before.

 

Tasuki shivered at the accidental touch at his waist, but smiled wide to cover for it. He couldn't make direct eye contact with Tamahome, he'd be found out if he did. "Yeah, sure. I think ya just wanted a reason for me to yell at ya. You gonna start a fight with me? I'm warnin' ya, you start a fight and I'll be the one finishin' it." he winked and flicked Tamahome's nose.

 

It was kinda fun to tease Tama like old times, but it felt forced. What was he thinking, of course it felt forced! He wanted nothing more than for Tamahome to... well, never mind. He could want all day, but that didn't mean he'd get it.

 

He shoved at Tamahome's shoulder, instigating a play fight to pass the time while they worked towards getting to Miaka. "C'mon Tama, ya know ya wanna play with me. Even though ya know I always win these play fights." he had slipped at first, blushing when he'd misspoken, and made sure to be very precise as to what kind of play at the end. Tama'd kill him for thinking things like that if he knew.

 

What would Tasuki do if he knew? Tamahome turned his head to the opposite tree line to hide the blush that sprung to life on his cheeks. "I don't feel much like fighting right now Tasuki, let's just concentrate on getting to Miaka quicker." He swallowed and forced a grin, then turned back to his travel companion. "You've never won against me anyway."

 

Tasuki was beautiful in his wild way. Tussled hair, daring eyes, and that mouth. Tamahome took in the features of Tasuki's face, trying to make it look casual, but his eyes were drawn to his lips again and got caught there. A fire lit up again deep in his belly. He wanted him.

 

Tasuki crossed his arms, brushing his arm against Tamahome's chest. "I would have if ya hadn't tossed me in the lake or pinned me down! I wanna fight ya, damnit. I wanna prove to ya that I can win." He dropped his arms and grabbed Tamahome's shirt collar in his fists, dragging him around to smirk in his face. "I plan to win. So, either ya fight back, or ya get yer ass handed to ya."

 

He kept his eyes firmly away from Tamahome's, instead he stared at the slope of his brows as if they were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. "If ya don't think you can win, just admit it an' I'll leave ya alone." He wanted an excuse, just one simple excuse to touch him, even if those touches were hidden inside of punches and meant nothing to Tamahome. He just wanted to be able to touch what he was forbidden to have. It had to be part of why he was such a good bandit; tell him no and he wanted it that much more. Give him a taste, then take it away and he'd kill to get it back. That was exactly what he felt. Tamahome had told him no, and it made him want Tama even more. Then with Sou he was allowed a taste, but it had been taken away and he wanted Tama back in any way that he could get him.

 

Tamahome looked away to the road. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with him. It would bring him too close. "You know I would win, there's no need to fight." He pushed his hands against Tasuki's chest. Bad idea. He quickly removed them and bit his lip. "We don't have time t'wrestle." he insisted.

 

Tasuki grinned, hiding the blush that darkened his cheeks behind a laugh. He stepped away and resumed his walk. "See? Told ya I would win. Chicken." he pronounced the insult specifically, eager to see how he would react. The old Tama would have fought him no problem, Sou would have pinned him to a tree and made him scream. This new Tama he wasn't too sure of.

 

"We got time to wrestle, Tama-chan, I'll just hafta carry ya for a few miles t'make up for it. But, you don't wanna wrestle cause ya know I'll pin ya so fast that yer head'll spin." he sauntered off, keeping a sharp ear cocked back. He'd hear it the moment that Tamahome moved, if he even tried to defend himself.

 

Tamahome stopped in his tracks. He crossed his arms and scoffed. "Like hell you would have." he said, tilting his head back and smirking at the retreating bandit. "The reason why you've never won," he strolled up next to Tasuki and put a hand on his shoulder. "Is because you're never ready!" Tamahome hooked his leg over Tasuki's knees on the last word.

 

Tasuki smirked, already knowing that Tamahome would try something sneaky, but not caring at the moment. He just wanted to touch him. Just for a few moments. He'd be happy if he just got to touch him. His smirk widened as he turned into Tamahome and fell against his chest. It felt like an eternity before the ground rushed up to meet them, but once they stopped; Tasuki grinned triumphantly down at Tamahome. He sat up and bounced on Tama's belly. "See? I told ya, Tama-chan."

 

Tamahome thudded to the ground. Puffs of dirt kicked up under their fall. He was actually not ready for Tasuki to be ready for him. He blinked up at him and electricity ran through his body. He felt himself shiver with it. A smirk played on his lips and he wrapped his arms around Tasuki's thin waist. "Guess you won," he moved his hips a bit under his captor.

 

Tasuki's smirk died, his hands moved to circle behind Tama's back and pulled him up, then he gazed directly into Tamahome's eyes. "Y-yeah. I win." he answered slowly, still trying to get his heart to stop thumping in his ears. Did Tama...

 

He leaned forward slowly, giving Tamahome every chance to move away, before he pressed a tentative kiss to Tama's lips. It was just the barest hint of pressure, the slightest touch before they were gone. His hips rocked into Tama's of their own volition, making his breath hitch audibly. "Tama." he whispered, cautiously.

 

Tamahome watched him with growing realization. Tasuki's lips brushed against his and he whispered his name. His eyes widened as he finally understood. He wanted this to happen. Him. It was no longer the desire of another being, something dark and terrifying creeping inside his head. "I'm here Tasuki." he assured him. Tasuki's lips sent shivers up his spine and he wanted more. His eyes closed and he gave in. He wanted it now, sure, but Tasuki had moved on. He had fallen in love with Miaka. Right?

 

Tasuki tilted his head, looking at anything but Tamahome's face. "But he don't want me." he whispered to himself as he released Tamahome and got to his feet. "Sorry 'bout that Tama, my mistake.” He grinned and turned to face Tama from a safe distance. "Sorry, I didn't... I mean, well, um, let's just go, okay?" He felt like the idiot he'd been called since childhood; he KNEW Tamahome had said no and still forced the issue. "I won't do it again, okay? I'll keep my distance." It wasn't fair. Sou had ruined him.

 

No, no, no, no, no. Tamahome jumped to his feet and grabbed Tasuki around the waist, holding him in a tight embrace. A hand pressed at Tasuki's hips, pulling the small of the sexy bandit's back to his belly. "You're not getting away that easy, Tasuki." Not so much a joke as a threat, and not so much a threat as a plea. It rang with the deep seductive tones of Sou's voice, but it was colored by Tamahome's gentle smile. "I want you Tasuki." There, he had pulled the words out of him.

 

Tasuki choked back a cry as Tamahome grabbed him. The fire that always kindled when Tamahome was around spilled over, Tasuki gripped the arms around him and pulled them tighter. Eyes closed to hold on to the fantasy that he was surely living as his hands traced back along Tamahome's arms to find his hips.

 

He grabbed a handful of Tamahome's ass and groaned. It was too real, the heat, the hardness, the sensual breath teasing his neck... 'Gods, please let it be real!' He begged silently, tugging Tamahome as close as he could get while still being two separate people. "Tama, I want you, too." he shivered as the words passed his lips.

 

Tamahome let out a sigh; he had more than expected Tasuki to follow that comment up with a 'but'. He whirled him around to look into his eyes. "Still?" He asked, searching Tasuki's eyes for lies.

 

Tasuki nodded, allowing Tamahome to look his fill. "I always did. Just, well, I guess I should'a gave up once ya told me no, but I couldn't. I watched ya when you didn't know I was there, I stole one a yer shirts from your room before, damnit, what else do I have to tell ya to make you believe me?"

 

Tamahome smiled. It might have been the first sincere smile he got to wear since coming back to his skin. It should have been hard to trust anyone. Tamahome had spent the last month afraid of himself and lied to with a sweet smile, but Tasuki was telling the truth. It was that straight up thing about him that Tamahome found he really did... Sweet Suzaku, that was it wasn't it.

 

Tamahome cupped Tasuki's chin in his hand and pulled him in for a kiss. The Fire Bringer lived up to his name. Tasuki lit a flame in him that had scared Tamahome out of his skin, but now he embraced it and let it rampage through his body. "It's ok if you don't anymore." he said, resting his forehead against the other man's. "But I want to change my answer. I love you, Tasuki."

 

Tasuki's head was spinning from Tamahome's sweet kiss, "What the hell are ya talkin' about? Ya think I'd be so fickle as t'tell ya that I love ya then change my mind just a couple a days later? Yer not that lucky." he curled his fingers into Tamahome's hair and pulled his lips close enough to touch. "I love ya, too, Tamahome." He pulled Tamahome closer, parting his lips with a quick thrust of his tongue and melting into his embrace. He clenched Tama to him, slowly making love to Tamahome's mouth.

 

He had never, never in his life felt a kiss like that. He couldn't hold back the hum of sweet pleasure even if he wanted to. Tamahome allowed himself to fall. He wrapped his arms around Tasuki's waist and pulled him closer, begging for more of what he was giving him. How could he have ever denied this thrilling sensation? He didn't understand, but he did figure out where Sou's hunger for this boy came from.

 

His breathing hitched, hands smoothing around to rest against Tamahome's hips as he mapped out every inch of Tamahome's mouth. Sou had never allowed him to kiss him, and the two times he'd actually kissed Tamahome they had been cut short by Sou's return. He wanted this to be slow, to be able to take his time and enjoy every moment but the hunger was rising faster than he could hold it back. He raked his nails through Tamahome's hair, stepping back and resting his back against a tree as he pulled Tamahome harder against him.

 

It was amazing, simply amazing the difference between Sou's seduction and Tamahome's. Where the ferocity of Sou's lovemaking turned him on, Tamahome's gentle and tentative caresses made him burn that much more. "Tamahome, in me, now." he demanded, hitching on knee up to Tamahome's hip and pulling him tightly against him. Gods, it felt amazing, but he needed more.

 

Tamahome was shocked. The words Tasuki uttered simply made him feel dizzy with desire, but so soon? He wasn't sure it was ok. His body thought differently. It purred and rolled into Tasuki's hips. His body already knew what to do, where to touch and how to make Tasuki cum. It had, after all, been educated by the lust obsessed pieces of him. Tamahome, always more heart than heat, broke from the intense kiss to look into Tasuki's eyes once more. "Are you sure?" It took almost all his will to pull away and he hoped at a base level that Tasuki wouldn't say no. He actually didn't know how well he'd be able to stop himself if denied him, but he had to at least make sure.

 

Tasuki leaned his head back against the tree, trying to reign in the fire that he'd been so lost in. "I am, but you ain't." He took deep breaths to calm himself down. "Don't push yourself." he kept his face raised to the sky, his words spoken through clenched teeth. He was beyond aroused; Tamahome's scent, the taste of him, feeling him pressed so close...

 

No! Tamahome had backed off, it wasn't the right time. "Let's just go, we can talk about this again..." he swallowed several times, trying to get his body back under control. "Some other time. Some time when I ain't about to lose my mind."

 

Tamahome chewed his bottom lip and scolded himself for being so unsure. He couldn't help it though. He had spent so long being lost in desires and emotion that he wanted to feel everything that went into making love to Tasuki. And, he would do it, eventually, but now? Now was time to rope it all in and dream about what he'd be doing instead.

 

Tamahome nodded to Tasuki and moved away from the tree so the could set on the trail again, but damn it was hard. Heh, not only metaphorically, but literally too. He shifted a bit to get more comfortable in his pants. But he wanted to say it, wanted to assure Tasuki that what had just happened -his mind went back to the scorching kiss and he had to stave off a shiver- wasn't just a fluke. "Some other time then when we're both not tired and in a rush." he smiled, "Then I can take my time making love to you."

 

Tasuki shivered violently at Tamahome's words, then turned to face the tree and clench his hands around the rough bark. He nodded, not able to talk without moaning after hearing Tamahome's intentions. He focused on the sharp pieces of bark digging into his hands, scratching his face, taking him away from the thick desire that was still roaming through him.

 

"S-some other time." he repeated in a rough whisper, clenching his eyes shut to block out the images that were playing before his open eyes. "We g-gotta make a quick stop. I need a bath. A really cold one." he muttered, still fighting back the clawing hunger in his gut.

 

He shoved away from the tree and passed Tamahome, heading towards the path again. It was hard to walk, but goddamnit, he'd get to the icy water of the river before he burst into flames. "Hurry it up, Tama."

 

Tamahome squinted at him. That bath was probably going to end up a little dirty afterwards with the way he was limping and growling under his words, but he followed close behind him. He considered just giving in and giving Tasuki release from the pain that was, undoubtedly, twisting in his abdomen, but that's not what he wanted. He had spoken the truth that he wanted to wait. Wait until they could both concentrate on each other, until they could both take the time to touch the other's heart. "Go on ahead, you can make it faster without me. I bet you'll be done by the time I catch up."

 

Tasuki smiled painfully over his shoulder, his eyes squinted shut to hide the pain. "Yeah, okay. See ya there." He took a deep breath and focused his ki into his legs, then vanished into the woods.

 

Why did it seem that he was constantly in this position? Running away to hide his reaction and get some relief before he disgraced himself? He'd done it twice after they'd met Tamahome, and once after the festival. It was getting to be a problem and he really hoped that he could keep his distance long enough to get Miaka back.

 

Tamahome would change his mind; he wasn't the type to get involved with men in general or bandits in particular. It had to be a left over from Sou, and that was exactly how he was going to treat it starting now. No more turning into mush because Tamahome touched him, no more sighing in happiness when Tama says he did something right. No more.

 

He glared down at the cold water of the river bed and sat down at it's edge. He couldn't take the time to pleasure himself without Tamahome seeing him do it, but he'd have to strip down if he wanted to get in the cold water. Instead, he did the only thing left to do. He scooted around and sat in the cold water, completely clothed. He sighed as the ache began to fade, then grumbled as he realized that his pants were wet again.

 

Tamahome came upon the floating and now soaked bandit a few minutes after they left each other on the trail. "Why'd you do that for?" he asked, glancing down at the pond. "You're goin' t'have t'walk in `em now." What was up with that twang? Since hosting and then loosing his other personality, was his mind looking for something to fill that spot? God he hoped he wouldn't take to talking like that too often.

 

Tasuki grinned ruefully up at him. "Didn't have no choice. You was too close behind fer me t'get rid of it, an' I couldn't think a takin' my pants off while I knew you was comin'... I mean that ya was right behind me... damnit! I don't mean none a that perverted!"

 

He backed up a step and crossed his arms. "Yer gonna have ta...” he coughed to try and drop the accent, “you're going to have to hurry and get out, we can't waste any more time, Tasuki."

 

Tasuki glared at his lap, though he was mostly numb from the hips down, the lump under his pants wasn't going away. Add to it that his pants were white and now soaked, he was in a very bad situation. "Yeah, yeah, I'm gettin' out." He growled, standing up and un-tucking his shirt so that it would hide the almost transparent pants. He kept his gaze trained on the ground as he made his way over to the path Tamahome stood on and started walking without another word.

 

Tamahome watched his friend get out of the water and adjust his clothes, and as he took up position on the path again, he felt terrible for making him leave the water. Tasuki's shoulders were slumped and he looked like someone just kicked his puppy. "Ne, Tasuki..." Tamahome held out his hand to the redhead. "I..." Quietly unfastening his jacket, he held it out for him. "It's not perfectly dry yet, but better than what you have on."

 

Tasuki cocked a brow but took the coat gratefully. "Thanks Tama." he mumbled then cleared his throat and said the first thing that popped out of his mouth. "We should be gettin' close t' Mi-chan, her energy feels stronger now than it did a few days ago."

 

How did one talk to a man that claimed to love him, claimed to want him, and then said no when offered the body he wanted? He had no idea, so he was just going to treat him as he always had; like a friend who just happened to own his heart. "Lemme know when you start gettin' hungry, I'll go hunt somethin' up."

 

Tamahome was quiet, looking down at the ground so Tasuki could change if he wanted to in peace. "Yeah, I feel it too. I'm not hungry. I don't really wanna stop again if we don't have t-…to." He looked back up at him. "You feeling better? No more urgent needs to run to a lake?" A small smirk hid itself under a cough and Tamahome started again on the trail

 

Tasuki's face flamed with embarrassment, hands stalled in untying his pants. "Are you teasin' me?" He turned his back and dropped the soggy shirt and pants to the ground, then tightened the coat to hide the fact from his travelling companion. "That the best you c'n do? Heh, I see I'm gonna hafta teach ya the fine art of bein' a smart ass."

 

He crouched and grabbed up the clothes, wringing them out as best he could and then draped them over the bag he was carrying so they could dry and trotted off to catch up to Tamahome.

 

“I ain't teasin' ya, baka." he said with his nose in the air. "You always think I'm tryin' t'be smart with y- you, but I was just asking if you were ok." He stopped and grit his teeth in a frustrated growl and balled his fist. "RRR-when ya give back the coat I expect ya t'take yer accent with ya!"

 

Tasuki nodded a little confused as to how it was his fault that Tamahome was stuck talking like a bandit. "Um, okay." He said carefully, then walked passed Tamahome once more to take up the lead. "It ain't my fault that ya fell in love with the accent. You did that on yer own. Just stop bein' a baby about it and I'm sure it'll fade on ya. Mine fades when, well, never mind. Just know that it will fade." Slinging the bag over his shoulder, he whistled as he sauntered off down the path. "C'mon, yer bein' a slow poke.”

 

"Hai, hai." he shut his mouth and followed to keep from uttering another idiotic sounding phrase. He walked behind Tasuki, eyeing his backside as he walked. A dark blush crept across his nose and he removed his eyes promptly to stare at the sky. "Ne... Tasuki..." His eyes wandered down, he looked really good in his clothes... Tamahome shook the thought from his head and fixed his eyes on the sky again.

 

Tasuki glanced back over his shoulder, curiously eyeing Tamahome. "Yeah, what is it?" Why was the man staring at the sky? He stopped and looked up, too. Maybe there was something falling towards them? There weren't any large mountains nearby, but maybe a bird was circling? Or maybe a spire from a provincial castle? Finding nothing but clouds when he turned searching eyes to the sky, he started to try and puzzle out what Tamahome was staring at.

 

"Never mind." he said shaking his head again and closing his eyes as he realized Tasuki was looking up at the sky. "It just... looks good on you." he said, not taking his eyes off the ground. He walked on quietly, taking the lead in order to un-stick his eyes from the little swivel of hips as Tasuki walked.

 

Tasuki cocked a brow in confusion. Tamahome was staring at the sky because something looked good on him. Okay. Another point in favor of Tamahome being weird. "Um, thanks, I think." He grinned cockily, though he was very in the dark. "Arright, why are you actin' weird? Did ya change yer mind arready or somethin'? Can't say I wasn't expectin' it, but ya don't gotta get weird on me. Just, treat me like always an' things will be fine."

 

He shifted the pack to the other shoulder, the weight making it a bit uncomfortable to carry being that it held the contents of two bags. But, he'd be damned if he said a word about it being heavy. He was just as strong as Tamahome, well mostly, so he could damn well carry it by himself.

 

Tamahome looked back over his shoulder and sighed. "Sure." he said, reaching out and grabbing the bag that Tasuki was beginning to look uncomfortable with. "It's just a little harder this time." He shrugged the bag onto his right shoulder.

 

Tasuki glared, "Hey, I could'a carried it. Just cause you always got t'be on top don't mean I'm weak." He muttered and crossed his arms over his chest, growling but relieved to have the bag taken from him.

 

"Why is it harder t'treat me like always? Same you, same me. Nothin's different- well, a lot a things are different but the emotion's th' same as before." He slipped backward in his mind, still forcing himself to react as if Tamahome had never said the words that changed things from one sided to mutual. He got the feeling that Tamahome was uncomfortable with him, so that made him think that he had just been in a tense moment and hadn't really meant what he had said. That was fine, he was used to that.

 

Tamahome frowned at him. "On top huh?" He quirked his eyebrow up and crossed his arms, putting the bag down and walking closer to Tasuki. The blush was back, threatening to take over his whole face, but he held Tasuki's gaze. "I don't think you're weak for bein' my uke, but I do think you're recovering from a fever and you shouldn't be carrying those bags. Now, stop bringing up what happened between us like it's a funny thing. We're supposed to be startin' over."

 

He turned around and picked the bag up again. "How're we supposed t'act like nothin' happened if you're bringin' it up all the time?" he said to the ground, ashamed that what he said sounded so harsh.

 

Contrite and a little more than slightly ashamed for trying to goad Tamahome into an argument, he bowed his head. "I'm- I'm sorry." he forced out, unused to saying those words as he tried to never do things worth having to say it over.

 

Tamahome watched Tasuki's expression melt from his usual brash and abrasive teasing to a sad and lonely frown. His brows knit together. "Don't say you're sorry, Tasuki." he interrupted before he could say any more. "I already told you that you have nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one who hurt you and it's me who needs to apologize."

 

He tried for a smile and placed a gentle hand on Tasuki's shoulder. A spark raced up his arm at the touch and stopped his heart for a beat. He felt his pulse start to quicken as he realized just how close he was to Tasuki at that point. "I don't..." he let his thumb glide over Tasuki's shoulder as he spoke. "Hearing you say things like that..." His fingers moved down Tasuki's arm and he took another step in. "It gets me a little confused about whether I'm actually... sorry..." another step closer, he forgot what he was saying as his eyes drifted down to Tasuki's lips. "Or..." His heart was racing and his breathing started to quicken to catch up with it. Tasuki's lips were so... very... close...

 

Tasuki was overwhelmed, curious, confused, and starting to wonder if it was a good idea to be so close to Tamahome but the expression in those eyes was enough to set him on fire. "Tama," he said slowly, trying to control the wild thump of his heart and the insane tangle of knots in his belly. "Are you-" well, that was a stupid thing to ask. He wasn't all right. He looked like he was about to eat him alive.

 

The arousal of earlier burned to life again in his belly, but Tama had turned him away before. Maybe if he stayed quiet, instead of asking so blatantly...

 

"Tasuki..." Tamahome whispered against his lips. "I-" An arm slipped around Tasuki's waist and urged him closer. "I'm going to kiss you." Tamahome licked his lips as if he was trying to stop himself from doing it. "If you don't move away right now." A soft whine sprung to life at the back of his throat as he tried harder to stop himself. Tasuki had just spent the past four days being mentally abused, mistreated and sexually taken advantage of by HIM! This was something that shouldn't happen if he didn't want Tasuki to be scared shitless of him for the rest of his life. "Tasuki? Move away..." he closed his eyes and felt himself move closer, their lips now faintly brushing against one another's, "because I'm not. "

 

Tasuki stared into a face that screamed desire, begged, pleaded with him to tell him no, but desperately wanting him to do the opposite. Hands came up and clenched in Tamahome's hair, stopping him from moving. "Tama." he sighed against the mouth he wanted, before fitting his lips over Tamahome's in a tender kiss. "You're not gettin' out of this that easily." he muttered then gently parted Tama's lips with his tongue.

 

Tamahome moaned into the kiss as Tasuki's tongue moved past his lips. Fire stirred in his belly and what started off as a gentle kiss, quickly turned fiercely passionate. Tamahome's instincts, or perhaps it was lingering instinct from his darker half, took over as his desire rose. He deepened the kiss, plunging his tongue behind Tasuki's teeth and tasting him.

 

Nimble feet swept Tasuki's out from under him and they were both on the ground in seconds, Tamahome leaning over Tasuki without ever taking his lips away from the sweet taste of his friend. He clenched the bandit's right hand in his left, holding him down to the dusty path.

 

Tasuki was only aware of the mouth possessing his, the press of a hard body to his front, and the hard feel of something at his back. His brain was fuzzy, but he knew that having something pressing into his back meant that he was either against a tree or on the ground. Their past experience pressed to a tree hadn't turned out so great so he was leaning more to being on the dirt. He tried to wrap his arms around Tama's neck, but one of them wasn't following his commands. Rather than allow that to drag him away from the passionate kiss, he dueled back, his tongue lashing against Tama's in a mock battle. Hips rolled up into the heat pressing against him only to realize that he was naked under the coat. He'd forgotten that he'd taken his wet pants and shirt off. A moan ripped from his chest, as the silky lining slid against him as he moved.

 

Without a word, Tamahome reached down and untied the sash that kept his signature coat shut. The red belt slipped open and he brushed the jacket off Tasuki's chest. His passion was steering him as he moved down Tasuki's chin and over his neck, lavishing the skin there with licks and kisses to the collarbone. His hand wandered down Tasuki's side, caressing the taut flesh that spread out underneath him. A hand curled under the small of Tasuki's back and pulled him closer to the hips that lay between his legs. Tamahome growled low in his chest and nipped at the peeked pink nipples under his tongue. "Gods Tasuki, I want you so badly, I can't keep my hands off of you. You should have run away when I gave you the chance."

 

Tasuki gasped and tossed his head back, hand clenching in Tamahome's hair and holding him to his chest. "Tama, oh gods." He groaned, back arching up into the mouth that was intent of driving him insane. Cool air brushed over his exposed skin, his nipples knotting tighter at the combination of cool air and scorching mouth. He didn't care that he was offering himself up on a platter, begging to be fucked, he heard the need in that voice and was compelled to give all of himself over to pleasure. "Tama, I'm yours. I could never walk away when you need me." He wrapped his legs around Tamahome's hips, pulling him tighter to him. "Gods, how could you ever think I wouldn't want this?"

 

Tamahome gave a little whine as he tried to explain. He needed to talk to him, not take him on the road, but his body wouldn't hear of it. "I tried," he growled over the pretty nipples responding to his mouth, "to keep you safe from this desire, but I need you Tasuki." Tamahome's hand let up on Tasuki's in favor of wandering over the irresistible face, trailing over cheek bones and lingering on his lips. "I need to be inside of you, but..." his lust-darkened gaze watched intently as his fingers parted full lips and dipped inside Tasuki's mouth. "Tasuki make me stop!"

 

Tasuki allowed the fingers into his mouth, sliding his tongue over them and sucking as though they were another appendage that had visited his mouth in the last few days. Tama's pleading for him to make him stop fell on deaf ears, he only opened his eyes long enough to see that there was no danger before wrapping his fingers around Tamahome's wrist and giving his fingers a thorough sucking.

 

"AAa- Tasuki." A moan was ripped from him as he felt a warm tongue wrap around his fingers. His eyes rolled up in his head and he tried to not think of making that mouth do much, MUCH more useful things, but it was futile. The image of Tasuki's lips wrapped around his growing erection burned in his brain. His lips found their way down to Tasuki's belly, licking and kissing a circle around the dip of his belly button. His free hand lifted to tweak the abandoned nipples as he made his way lower.

 

Tasuki sucked and licked the fingers in his mouth, holding them there and refusing to let them go while his other traveled with Tamahome's head. That adventuring mouth found his stomach and he whimpered, fingers tightening in Tama's hair and his tongue wrapped around one finger pulling it further in. He gasped and panted, his words and moans coming out in jumbles. He didn't want to let go of the fingers in his mouth, but he had to be clear when he spoke again. "Oh gods, you're going to kill me with pleasure. More, oh please, more." Fingers went back into his mouth, sucking harder to make up for the time they had been parted from his lips.

 

Tamahome shook his head in a silent plea to Tasuki to not say things like that, but his lips continued to work magic down to the hardened flesh nestled in soft red hair. His mouth watered and another betraying moan slipped from his lips as he kissed down the chiseled line that cut across Tasuki's hips to his groin. His fingers were pulled from Tasuki's mouth along with his sanity. His tongue tentatively licked up his saliva-coated fingers. The intense blush that covered his cheeks and nose deepened as he saw the twitching and nearly purpled erection in front of him. A smirked tugged at the corner of his mouth as he brought both his fingers and his lips to touch the quivering tip.

 

Soft lips tightened around the head, curving under the underside and licking at the pearl of precum that covered the small slit. A shiver ran through him at the taste of Tasuki's desire. His moistened fingers scissored down the shaft and trailed over the sensitive sac of skin to the small area just behind them. They worked a wet little circle around the puckered opening there, spreading Tasuki open, but not pressing inside just yet.

 

"Tasuki." Tamahome licked up the underside of Tasuki's cock. "Don't let me..." Growling moans issued from his mouth as he flicked his tongue over the tip again. "I want to make you scream my name, Tasuki." he confessed with a strange mix of guilt and enjoyment hovering over his gaze. "I wanna be inside you, Tasuki, have you wrapped around me and moaning my name as I cum." His voice darkened as his secret desires were spoken aloud. "You're not going to let me, right Tasuki? You'll stop me before I put it inside of you... right?" Tamahome didn't know whether he was truly pleading for help anymore. The seductive words just urged him on further and sounded more like Sou's dirty way of treating Tasuki more than he wanted them to. He sucked at the tip and dipped his head down to take more of him in, a moan humming around the pulsing organ in his mouth.

 

Tasuki couldn't hear anything more than the seductive tone of voice, but his body felt every single thing individually, as though each feeling exploded against his skin and made his blood run hot. Sou had never made him feel like this- desperate yes, but never to this extent. The shifting of dust under his shoulders caused his breath to catch, the faint brush of butterfly wings over his nose sent his heart hammering, the silky feel of Tamahome's fingers, hair, mouth, and teeth exploded in his body and sent him spiraling out of control. "Oh my god, Tamahome, please!"

 

Hips shifted up, plunging into the hot mouth that suckled him in, then pressed down against the fingers that teased at his entrance. "Please, please! I need you inside me!" Fingers pulled Tamahome's mouth further down around him, begging with words and body for an end to the sweet pleasurable torture. Legs wrapped around Tamahome's ribs, pulling and tugging at him. He needed him now, couldn't he see that? Couldn't he feel the painful pleasure that was killing him each moment he was denied? His breathing hitched and his body tightened, scraping closer to the edge. "I want you inside- aah! Inside me when I cum! Oh fuck, please! I need you!" he whined, writhing in desperation beneath his lover.

 

Tamahome lost that last bit of control. He belonged to his desires now. Tasuki's pleading caught his ears and demanded from him and what could he do but comply? He shifted his pants down and settled between Tasuki's legs and found the place where his wishes could be released, worked open and begging from his fingers. His knew nothing except raw pleasure as tight heat encased him. "Taaasuki!" his lover's name sprang from his lips as his full length was devoured greedily. His arm wrapped around Tasuki's waist, pulling him toward him, his hips slowly pulled out and then thrust back in the hungry hole. "Mmmm gods you feel so fuckin' good, Tasuki." the other arm wound around Tasuki's shoulders and pressed their bodies together in a tight embrace. "Tasuki, I love you." Tamahome whispered in his ear.

 

Tasuki screamed his pleasure, a keening cry that tore from his lips as he was finally given what he needed. Hips rolled in time, knees raised higher to take him more fully inside, hands gripped Tamahome's ass to pull him closer. "Oh gods, Ta- Aah!" His entire body was quivering, shaking with need that was not yet ready to release. "More, Tama-" Toes curled, his entire body flushed with desire and need, his tsubasa flickered wildly, flaring brighter and dimmer with each rolling thrust. A hand shot up from Tamahome's hip to curl around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. "I love you, Sou." he panted, then pressed their lips together in a fiery kiss. Pleasure raced down is spine, the shifting of his hips bringing Tamahome into direct contact with his prostate and his head flung back with the force of the wave of passion. "Tamahome, fuck, I love you, more, more..." his words dissolved into gibberish as Tamahome's thrusts continued to strike his pleasure spot.

 

Tamahome helplessly obeyed his lover's cries, thrusts deepening and quickening as feverish passion gripped his chest. Tasuki was hot and panting, calling his name and begging for more. In the throws of passion, Tasuki looked even sexier, more stunningly beautiful. His cries and moans sending Tamahome over an edge he didn't want to be nearing. "AAah Taah... mmm - Tasuki, cum for me. Cum for me while I fuck you, my beautiful. I love you. I- AAAA!" Tamahome's mind was in stars, and he took hold of the throbbing cock pressing against his stomach again, stroking it to completion.

 

The single touch of Tamahome's hand on his erection sent him spiraling over the edge, he had no warning, no building up to release, he just went from insanity to heaven. The pleasure was so intense that tears rolled from his eyes as he screamed Tamahome's name, clenching and pulling at him. A stream of 'I love you's fell from his lips as he spilled himself over Tamahome's fingers. "Yours, yes, love you, gods Tama." he sobbed into Tamahome's neck, waves of pleasure still slamming against him.

 

Tasuki's release shoved him over the edge and he slammed hard into the tight heat that clenched and spasmed around him, milking him of his release. “Tasuki, Tasuki, gods I love you. So fucking good!” he gasped, gripping Tasuki tighter. “Mine, only mine. My Tasuki.”

 

Tamahome's thumb brushed against the tip of his cock and he came again, less now than before but still enough to make him see stars. "Love you, forever, yours, always, only yours. Love you, love you..." He finally slowed, drifting back to the realm of coherent thought. He wound his arms around Tamahome's neck, keeping him close, afraid that he would vanish in a pouf of smoke.

 

The second wave of pleasure made him twitch and he was astounded to feel his cock begin to harden again. Still seated deeply in Tasuki's tight heat, he rocked him slowly, wanting this time to be slow and full of nothing but love. Pulling Tasuki up to straddle his lap, he gripped slender hips and set a slow, erotic pace. He could see why Sou had been completely enamoured of Tasuki. He was addictive. Every time he was pressed inside him only seemed to intensify the hunger rather than sate it.

 

Tasuki breathed a moan against his shoulder, worn and tired but the growing erection pressing against his stomach answered the unasked question of whether Tasuki wanted another round.

 

This time would be as he had wanted their actual first time together to be. Even though they were still no closer to getting Miaka back, he took his time to make love to Tasuki as he deserved and when their passions crested again, the world felt right inside him.

 

He had Tasuki, loved him to distraction, and was loved in return. No matter what came with the next days or weeks, he had his bandit and that was all that mattered to him.

 

-End-