Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Love Lies Bleeding ❯ What Do You Want? ( Chapter 6 )

Love Lies Bleeding

Love Lies Bleeding

Memories are just where you laid them,

Dragging waters 'til the depths give up their dead.

What did you expect to find?

Was it something you left behind?

Don't you remember everything I said when I said:

Don't fall away, and leave me to myself.

Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding in my hands,

In my hands again;

Leave love bleeding in my hands.

In my hands,

Love lies bleeding.

Chapter 6

As the sun crested three days after the argument between the one-time lovers, it found Hikou, wings folded against his back and perched in a tree, calmer for his brief absence. He had positioned himself just so an hour before the sun began its trek into the sky, to watch the day at the fortress begin.

The sun rose from behind the great fort--its gateway faced the east, the direction of the God of War, Seiryuu the azure dragon. It indicated that this was indeed a warrior's fort, and that they welcomed conflict.

They seemed ready for it as well. As dawn came, guards changed. And who came out to 'supervise', but the bandit-leader himself, flanked by his ever-present 'buddy', Kouji. The sun kissed the red-haired bandit's wild mane and spangled it with streaks of gold, and Hikou, for a moment, thought him a little more than just a dirty, filthy robber posing as a shichiseishi.

The impression fled the moment Tasuki opened his big mouth.

"This is gettin' to be too fucking much," Tasuki said to Kouji, as they watched the other killers and cut-purses move to their positions.

"You really aren't just gonna let him go, are ya, boss?" Kouji queried, even as he took up a lean against the wall.

Tasuki frowned, refraining from answering as his men positioned themselves. Once they were finished and he was satisfied, he turned back to his cohort and replied, "You know Chichiri, Kouji. Once he gets some crazy idea in his head, he goes with it. For the 'greater good' or some other fuckin' load of horse shit."

"But he's in no condition t' travel, Genrou," the blue-haired bandit added, called Tasuki by the nickname he had borne since he had joined the Leikauku clan.

"I know. But do you want t' sit on him and try and make him stay?" Tasuki snorted.

The other bandit shook his head. "No. That's your job, na?" Kouji's smirk was friendly enough. "Besides, I think this has somethin' to do with that damn thing that walked outta here.

I'm a thing, am I, Hikou chuckled inwardly, but made no sound. He wanted to hear the bandit's banter.

"No shit!" Tasuki all but blurted. "That sorry, soggy fuck! This is all his fault!" A fist was lifted, and pounded into the bandit's callused palm. "He did something to Chichiri! I'm sure of it!"

If they only knew, Hikou mused, as he finally slipped from his perch at the tree. Deciding against making a grand entrance, if just to prevent there being an outright attack upon his person, he chose the upfront approach: he simply stepped out of the shadows cast by the trees and began to walk up the path toward the great gates of the fortress.

Kouji was the first to notice him; he looked up sharply, his brown eyes widening at the brazen demon coming up the walkway toward the gates.

"Genrou!" he said sharply, before elbowing the red-head in the side.

The motion was enough to get Tasuki's attention, and it found the water demon with wide eyes, which rapidly narrowed to venomous slits.

"What the fuck are you doin', comin' back here?" Tasuki demanded. "This is a holy mountain, you fuckin' shit!"

"I have come for Houjun," was Hikou's simple answer, and he enjoyed the way it seemed to gall the bandit-until it seemed that it wasn't gall, but confusion.

"Who the hell is Houjun?" Tasuki growled.

"I think he means Chichiri," Kouji suggested helpfully.

Tasuki paused a moment, and then blurted, "I knew that!"

Both Hikou and Kouji favored the seishi with a long look as they sweatbeaded slightly: Sure you did.

But before either Tasuki could rant, or Hikou could sneer, Kouji interrupted the staring with a question: "Just what do you want with Chichiri, anyway?"

Tasuki was quick to leap on this with a rousing, "Yeah! You're a demon! He's a monk!

The bandit paused, and then eyed Kouji a moment. "Still."

Tasuki paused again, and this time eyed Hikou. "I think."

Hikou sighed softly, and opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by the opening of a door in the great gates to the fortess. The man they were just arguing about had just stepped into the middle of their argument.

Three sets of eyes turned to the monk as he stood there, blinking at the collection of people on the doorstep of the lair of the bandits. Faced with the tension already in the air, the monk stopped in midstep. He remained in the door way within the gates and simply stared at the three men staring at him in turn.

"Ohayo!" Chichiri finally greeted the group with a heavy dose of false cheer. He smiled slightly, only to have the expression wiped right off his face when Tasuki planted himself firmly before his brother seishi.

"Just what the fuck do you think you're doin'?!" Tasuki began his lecture. "You're beat to shit an' you think you're just gonna walk outta here, like this?! You can't even hold your staff in the right hand!"

"I have a promise to keep, no da." His gaze flickered briefly to Hikou before returnng to Tasuki. "I have been delayed two weeks already, and I am expected, no da. They'll worry about me, no da. I don't want anybody to fret, na no da!"

Hikou watched with detatched interest as Tasuki's brows furrowed and the two men engaged in a brief, intense face off-until the fist was swung.

All eyes widened as Houjun abruptly doubled over with a woof of breath, curling over Tasuki's fist as it contacted solidly with his bruised stomach. He choked and gagged once, but wasn't given any time to really gasp for air as Tasuki plucked him up in his arms. The bandit cradled him against his body like he might a child, and carefully began to take him inside.

The urge to simply fill the red-haired seishi's lungs with water and make them burst was suddenly in Hikou's heart, choking off his reason, until he realized Kouji was speaking to him.

"Genrou's just doin' what's best, so don't get your trousers in a twist!" came the harsh reprove from the scarred bandit for the glare of death that was still boring into Tasuki's back. "Chichiri would probably get his fool self killed if he went out like he is now! So why don't we all just go inside, be real nice for a little while, and sit on him till he recuperates, an' then you and him can go your merry way?"

A moment passed between the two men before Hikou finally nodded, stepping into the doorway behind the scarred bandit. They moved to catch up to Tasuki, who was headed for the door with the kanji for 'sho' on the doorway. He kicked the door open and strode in with the collapsed monk, and then laid him gently across his bed.

Houjun struggled to breathe, coughing harshly as he promptly tried to curl in a fetal ball against the pain and found that cracked ribs did not agree with that course of action.

Tasuki whirled to find himself face to face with Hikou.

He hollared once, and then demanded, "Who the hell let you in!?" A moment later, the only possible answer came to him, and he bellowed out, "Kouji! I'm gonna feed ya yer boots! You stupid fuck!"

Kouji was safely behind the demon and outside the room, so the threat was rather moot.

However, Tasuki was not through. He glared at Hikou for a long moment, before he began to give orders.

"You're gonna make sure he'll stay put!" he said. "You stay here with him, till he's well! An' I don't wanna see you anywhere else but THIS ROOM!"

Hikou's hands lifted in mock submission, and he obeyed simply to spite the temperamental seishi. Tasuki expected him to disobey. Hikou decided that obedience would make him all the more upset.

"No problem," Hikou said.

Tasuki deflated slightly. Hikou had not given him defiance, and acceptance was not something he had been prepared to deal with. And so instead, he simply pushed his way past the demon.

Kouji and Tasuki departed, leaving Hikou with the gasping monk. Finally entering the room fully, Hikou shut the door behind him, and then moved towards the bed, his robes whispering slightly around his steps.

Houjun was not one to stay down long, he noted, as the monk curled his broken arm around his belly and tried to push himself up on his good one. The limb visibly trembled with the strain, stirring the rough linen of his sleeve.

Hikou couldn't stand there any longer. He reacheed out to help him sit up, Houjun never protesting once.

Once Houjun had a pillow behind his back and was upright, he looked up at Hikou, his single eye seeming to weigh his options. On one hand, he was terribly wounded. On the other he had to get to Kutou.

As he watched him make these choices, Hikou could not simply stand by and allow him to think that he'd be allowed to go anywhere in his condition. He was broken and bruised, and Hikou was going to put a stop to this right now. He would heal. That's why the demon had brought him here.

"Don't even thnk about it," Hikou's voice was firm, and it crushed both Houjun's hopeful expression and any thoughts of leaving.

"Who made you my mother?" Houjun asked with a sliver of irritablity worming its way into his tone.

Hikou's brow quirked, but he gave no answer, simply folding his arms over his chest. He watched his brother-turned-lover's expression for a long moment; the lines of his face were more pronounced, and there were bags beneath his good eye.

"Have you been sleeping poorly?" Hikou asked, his tone betraying no concern.

"Yes," Houjun said flatly, turning his face from Hikou.

"You know," Houjun said after a moment's silence, "I wish I'd never thrown that mask away." Ignoring the way Hikou's brow arched or the briefly curious glance the demon gave, Houjun continued, "Then none of you would know, and I wouldn't have to deal with this false concern."

"Ah," said Hikou. "This is what it is. May I remind you, however, that no one took that mask from you. I didn't even take it from your at the riverside. You took it off to look at me with your true face. You only put it on again to face your seishi brother. I never forced your hand with it."

Houjun said nothing in reply.

Hikou moved quietly before him, before kneeling before Houjun's bed with a rustle of cloth, his amber eyes glittering as they searched the monk's expression.

"Is that what you think?" Hikou asked, after a moment. "That we don't care?"

Houjun said nothing for a long moment, but once the agonizing seconds dragged out he replied, "What am I supposed to think? I don't know what we're doing, what's going on, or even why we're here together like this!"

Cool hands, oddly feminine in their slenderness and delicacy, reached out to cup Houjun's face, gripping his chin and forcing him to look at Hikou. The demon held his face in his hands steadily, and brought his gaze to Houjun's. Hikou's expression was that of dire seriousness, as if he were about to impart some great secret.

"I think you want me not to care," Hikou said, his voice low. "I think you would rather I used you. Then it can mean nothing, and you can be a victim, and go on pretending that there was nothing between us other than what I wanted from you." The demon's hands tightened, tremors running down his arms as he continued, "That isn't so. That isn't it at all."

"If you're not using me," Houjun asked as an edge entered his tone, "just what do you want from me?"

Surprised, Hikou blinked. He hadn't considered his desires, truly, in this. What did he want from the man before him, whose face he cupped in his hands? His mouth opened, closed, and he seemed lost for a moment, searching for an answer.

"I don't know," Hikou finally answered. "No. I do. I... I want you to let it go, Houjun..."

The monk's single eye blinked rapidly, as noncomprehension writ itself across his scarred features.

"Let it go?" Houjun asked. "What do you mean, 'let it go'?"

"This!" Hikou released Houjun's face, only to wave impatiently at his face, his scars. "All of it. The penitence and the guilt and suffering and the pain..." The demon took a deep breath, and looked at the monk intently. "I want you to let it go."

Houjun's no comprehension was obvious, as he slowly shook his head. He didn't understand.

Hikou would make him understand.

Hikou reached out to and pressed his fingers to the scarred eyesocket that was the physical reminder of his sin.

"Let it go," he said.

Covering his hand with his billowing sleeve, Hikou half-rose so that he cloud grab at the prayerbeads that lay on the table beside Houjun's bed. He pressed them quickly into Houjun's good hand, and then looked up at Houjun's scarred face, as if trying to communicate through only his gaze what he meant.

"Let it go," Hikou urged. "All of this! Just let it all go!"

Silence reigned between them, as Houjun visibly wrestled with this concept for a moment. His gaze flickered over Hikou's intense visage, and then to where his prayer beads lay on his night stand, and then to where the mask had been thrown.

"But why?" Houjun finally blurted. "I don't understand! My sin against you gives you anything you ask of me! My blood, my life, my flesh, whatever it is, it's yours! But you want... want me to let go of my pain?"

"Yes!" Hikou answered explosively, hands flying up with a flutter of billowing sleeves. "Yes," he said more gently. "Let it go. I want you to let it go. None of this shit, poisoning you, anymore. And maybe, just maybe... if you can find peace, then I can too."

Houjun stared at him for a moment; Hikou could detect the slightest trembling that took Houjun as he watched the monk. But before Houjun could answer Hikou, the demon was speaking again.

"For a long time, I hated you. I plotted and I planned, Houjun, I did. And then, when I finally got to you, I... all my plans, they all fell to dust. I don't think I know what I'm doing anymore." Suddenly sheepish, Hikou reached up to scratch at the back of his neck, looking away. "I don't think you do either. But I could be wrong."

Houjun's head drooped, and he was silent still, taking in Hikou's words. He remained there, simply trembling until he found his voice again.

Then, the words could not be stopped.

"I tried," he said softly, "For so long... to deal with it. It ..." He paused, and took a breath, before exhaling it in a rush. "Everything was gone. The monks that found me took me in. They never asked questions, they accepted me unconditionally. Taught me things... about... about serving one's dharma and finding peace. But they knew I was restless, and couldn't be bound to a temple. So they let me wander. And that gave me nothing, either. This ... Nirvana was still unreachable. I couldn't get it with both hands!" Couldn't let anything go. And I don't... I just..."

Houjun took another moment to gather his thoughts, before saying, "I became a monk to find peace. To find some salvation, cleanse myself of sin. I thought, if I dedicated myself to my vocation. If I did well, I could find some peace. And it never happened. It wasn't until..." He swallowed hard, and then coughed once, now bordering on hiccuping sobs.

Hikou finally moved from from before the monk, till he could get up on the bed, and sit beside him; he did not speak or move too close. He simply allowed himself to be a physical presence. Houjun was purging himself to the person Hikou thought mattered most in this case: The man he had done wrong. He would be further damned if he did not listen.

"I found some solace with Miaka-sama," Houjun finally said, once he could continue. "It was something... I didn't want to be a seishi, at first, but then I realized it was my only chance to do something right. And so much was on a group of eight people. The fate of nations!" He laughed once, strangled, high-pitched, and unnatural. "And most of them were just kids. And they all died. All but Tasuki and Tamahome, and he went to be with Miaka."

Houjun stopped, and shook his head and sighed out, "We saved the world, Hikou." His gaze finally lifted to the demon's visage, tracing his impassive features. "But through it all, you were never far. Your ghost was just behind me, and K-K..." He could not finish Her name, it seemed. "You were always with me. Reminding me of why I was doing this. Oh, gods, you may be a demon now, Hikou, but you were a spectre to me long before I saw you at the riverside."

"I know," Hikou acknowledged, reaching out slowly. His touch was hesitant, but he wanted to draw the monk into his arms. Fortunately, Houjun did not resist his embrace, but slowly leaned against his shoulder, his sobs quieting slightly.

"We won, Hikou," Houjun murmured softly, once he was in the shitenou's arms. "In the end we did what we were supposed to do... And we have nothing to show for it. Four dead young men. A kingdom with a child-emperor and a silent dowager empress. Eiyou is a City of the Dead. War ravaged countries... one frustrated bandit who's scared to death he's going to be alone... and me. And I have no idea what to do, and... and my dharma as a seishi was fulfilled. So... if I did what I was supposed to, why am I not yet at peace?"

It took him this long to answer Hikou's question. A rambling catharsis that only made sense once he began to say, "I spent all this time grieving for you, punishing myself for my sins... and now, here you are, and you... you want me to let it all go. Finally... let it go." He reached up, brushing his hand through his short hair. "And I don't know how I can accept that, or what it means, or...what I would do. Everything has been for penance. Everything." He blinks dimly, dark eye searching the sheepish demon's face, as if he might find hidden meaning there. "And... I... I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Everything was laid out for me for so long... as a monk, as a seishi... the idea of just doing something because I want to is foreign."

Houjun looked up at Hikou, his burgundy eye bloodshot from his harsh tears. "What do I do now?"

The demon sighed softly against Houjun's short hair, and then murmured, "Let it go, Houjun. Find a new path. I know you can do it."

Houjun had no immediate answer; he simply leaned against his one-time lover and closed his eyes.

"I'm so tired, Hikou... But if I let it go, what will anchor me?" he asked softly.

"I will," the demon answered, and it seemed to satisfy them both for the time being.