Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Man! I feel like a woman! ❯ Chapter 9

Hello hello! How are all of you? I've been better. I've been have a problem lately, you see, my muse was sadly beaten to death by the demon of writers block, and that's why I have not updated in so long.

If you're wondering, my muse was actually beaten into a severe state by the demon of writers block, but not actually killed....until I sucked her dry to write this chapter. She will be missed and I hope she rests in piece....er....peace...

Am still looking for a new muse, by the way. If you find any, please ask me for a job application. There are a few trying out for the position already so....be fast!

I send out a special thanks to Zero Saotome, Nightmare Kitten, Firefly Dragon and everybody else at their website (http://www.geocities.com/lina_xellos/) who thought this fic to be good enough to be posted there! Woo to you guys!

Well....onto the story!

*****

Tasuki yawned. They said they would be leaving early to head for Taiitsukun place. But this was ridicules.

The sun just began to creep over the hills and the valleys just outside of Konan. The sky was the most brilliant shade of red where the sun was just peaking. In the exact opposite of the sun, where night clung to it's last few lingering minutes, the sky was a brilliant indigo blue and select few stars still hung in the sky, and slowly faded into nothing as the seconds passed on.

The serene feeling calmed everyone's nerves. They all knew this moment wouldn't last, but those few minutes of utter silence exempt for the birds that just began to wake, and the brook gently breaking over the rocks made the rest of the world just melt away.

Miaka sighed. For once, the trip out into the world didn't seem so terrifying. He felt safe. But the feeling was not mutual.

Hotohori's eyes followed every movement around them. Something kept her on edge, though she did not know why. She came to the conclusion that the reason she was so tense was due to her being...well...a her.

The last time she traveled, she was a he. Now she felt helpless. Not completely, but more like she was put out in the open for all prying eyes to watch. She knew women were targets for bandit raids more than men. (Tasuki made that point perfectly clear last night at dinner)

Now here they were, the Suzaku seishi all women and put out on the line, with only one man (who at the present was slightly dozing on his horse).

Oh Suzaku...if any bandits saw them they would be laughing at how easily they could pick the seven woman and one man off.

The really sad part was, they could have just popped into Taiitsukun's place with the use of Chichiri's magic.

It was just she was feeling bitchy this morning and got mad at Nuriko, who also seemed edgy this morning, and both of them got into a huge fight over who's chopstick it was and then they refused to speak to one another, then Chichiri made it perfectly clear that she was NOT letting Nuriko use her magic to get to their destination thus lead up to them taking a few horses, more catfights, guards trying to break it up, and (above all else) Hotohori getting her hair messed up.

Sure Nuriko said it was an accident but.....

****

Nuriko pouted. Sure she and Chichiri were fighting, but did that stupid bitch have to shove her into the empress? Chichiri was being mean all morning, and Nuriko wasn't feeling happy either. It was clearly her chopstick.

Now Hotohori was mad at her and refused to even look at her.

"Good going." Nuriko mumbled to herself. "Now you'll never get her to marry you..."

****

"That was my chopstick, no da! Wasn't it Tasuki?" The blue haired monk had been ranting since they left the palace. Of course she kept her voice low so a certain purple haired witch wouldn't over hear their one-sided conversation.

Tasuki really wasn't listening. She gave up about an hour ago and just kept agreeing with whatever Chichiri was saying. She knew that chopstick was clearly Nuriko's, but at the same time, she really didn't want to get in the middle of another catfight.

*****

"Seventy seven bottles of beer on the wall, seventy seven bottles of beer." Miaka sang to himself, "Take one down, pass it around, seventy six bottles of beer on the wall..."

"Miaka-kun?" Chiriko looked over innocently "What are you singing?"

"It's a song my brother taught me. It's kinda like a traveling song. It's very easy to learn..."

*****

Yui yawned and stretched his back. He could really get use to no 'that time on the month.' It seemed Soi was also very much enjoying the same freedoms.

Nakago and Tomo and the 'Boshi twins were entirely different. But they did find out, Nakago did have emotions and actually cried when she couldn't find her left shoe. (As it turned out, the shoe was right where she left it, under the bed.)

What really surprised everyone was when Suboshi exploded at Tomo. Yui tried to calm down the situation by telling Suboshi to just walk away.

Then the young seishi exploded with "I'm NOT Suboshi! Why can't you people keep us strait!" Then she fell to the ground and started sobbing.

Yui was snapped out of his thoughts by the door opening. "Yui-sama?" Suboshi poked her head in.

"How's your sister?" Yui felt really bad for being the cause of the problem with the sweet young girl.

"She's...asleep...." Suboshi smiled. "Is she going to be ok?"

Yui nodded. It seemed Suboshi was very much uninformed about the birds and the bees. He hoped her twin was informed, otherwise this could turn ugly...

"She said she had cramps...is she sick?"

"In...a way..." Yui cleared her throat. "She'll be better in a few days. Why don't you keep her company?"

Suboshi nodded and left.

Oh Seiryuu....he hoped this would end soon....

****

"Two bottles of beer on the wall, two bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, one bottle of beer on the wall." Everyone sang, Tasuki much louder than everyone else. It seemed she found a new drinking song.

Now, most people would have stopped long ago, do to the annoyance of the song, but everyone was curious on what would happen after there were no bottles of beer on the wall.

They all noticed that this was very close to Taiitsukun's home, about another ten minutes or so.

"One bottle of beer on the wall" They sang on, "One bottle of beer take one down, pass it around, no bottles of beer on the wall. No bottles of beer on the wall, no bottles of beer--"

Everyone exempt Miaka became quiet. "Upchuck, barf one up, one bottle of beer on the wall."

"That's gross." Nuriko made a face.

"It's how my brother taught me!" Miaka laughed. "I swear!"

"Your brother sounds odd."

"He sounds damn cool for writing a song like that!" Tasuki laughed. Miaka didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't written by his brother.

"Wanna play a game?" Miaka changed the subject.

"Does it have anything to do with 'barfing' into empty beer bottles?" Hotohori asked.

"Nope. It's simple. I say 'I'm going to Grandma's house and I'm going to bring...' and then whoever starts says something that begins with 'A' and the next person says everything the last person said then add the letter 'B' and we go down the alphabet!"

Everyone nodded, but they were still very confused.

"Tamahome! You go first!"

"I'm going to Grandma's house and I'm going to bring....an....apple..."

Miaka nodded. "Good! Who's next!"

****

Tomo once again paced her room. "Shin...I saw Nakago crying this morning. What does that mean? I thin Soi made her cry. I hope that he dies!" She stopped and listened to her clam.

"Do you really think so?"

More silence.

"But--"

The clam cut her off with it's own silent reply.

"Nakago...doesn't...love me?"

More silence

"Keep my emotions quiet?! but why?"

Silence

"Am not!"

Silence

"You're a bastard, Shin!" Tomo spat and left her room, slamming the door behind her. At this time, if the clam has eyes or any form of freewill or life, it would be rolling it's eyes at the immaturity of Tomo.

Tomo cracked open the door. "Shin..?" She entered her own room. "Shin, you know I didn't mean that. I really do care about you." Tomo picked up the clam. "I love you."

Silence.

Tomo smiled "I know you love me too."

Oh god...the depths of this woman's insanity....

*****

The game was going great. They were now successfully at the letter 'I' with little to no problems. Once the game started rolling, it was very easy to figure out.

So far, Tamahome had her apples, Tasuki had her beer, Chichiri brought a cat, Miaka brought a dingo (which was confusing to everyone else) Hotohori brought eggs, Mitsukake brought food, Chiriko brought grade books, Nuriko brought (surprise surprise) Hotohori. It was now back to Tamahome.

"...Food, grade books, Hotohori..." Tamahome glared at Nuriko for that last one "And...Icky face!" Tama screamed and fell off her horse.

"Technically, 'icky face' doesn't count..." Miaka turned and came face to face with the creator of Universe of the Four Gods "Icky face!"

Taiitsukun sweat dropped. "Don't they ever give up on those stupid long running jokes?" She mumbled to herself.

"Nope!" The Nyan Nyan chirped. "Long running jokes are fun!"

Before anyone could blink, the cute teal haired goddling was hit into the stratosphere. Taiitsukun threw a baseball bat into the bushes. "What brings you here?"

"Well duh!" Tasuki screamed. "I'm a fucking woman!"

"That's obvious." Taiitsukun rolled her eyes. "Come with me."

Within a matter of seconds, the Suzaku seishi were settled inside Taiitsukun's home. For some reason beyond all logic, the Nyan Nyan was also back, serving them tea.

"Taiitsukun?" Miaka cleared her throat. "Do...do you know what happened to us?"

The old woman nodded. "You were put under a very serious spell....more like a curse."

"How do we cure it?"

"There is no medical cure for this."

"I'm going to be a woman forever?!?!" Tasuki fell to the ground in a faint.

"I did not say that. There are spells you can do to reverse the ill effects of your curse."

"How do we do that?"

"You need to find me a herb. It is called catsgrove. It grows near here, but is very rare. To find it you must first climb to the tallest peak in the land and destroy to yeti living there. The villagers will give you directions on how to find this plant. After you find dogsgrove you must--"

"I thought you said it was catsgrove?" Nuriko interrupted the creator.

"It was dogsgrove. I clearly said dogsgrove."

"No, you said catsgrove."

Taiitsukun glared at the seishi. "They are the same plant. After you find the plant with two names you must boil it in a caldron of lead and filled with dragons blood."

"Are you leading us on?"

"Hold your tongue!" She whapped Hotohori over her head. "And do as I say!"

"Dragon's....blood..." Miaka wrote it down word for word.

"There is no plant, or yeti or caldron or dragon's blood, is there?" Tamahome glared. "You're leading us on! Why?!"

Taiitsukun sighed. "True...I was leading you on, but that's because there is no cure for your curse..."

The room became dead silent as everyone held their head low, lost in their own thought....until the Nyan Nyan started to giggle.

"Liar! Liar! Taiitsukun is a liar!" She danced around looking very cute. "Taiitsukun is a bad liar!"

Again, the cute thing was knocked into orbit.

"Liar..." Nuriko's eye began to twitch as she held up a fist and rolled up her sleeve.

"Alright there is a cure." Taiitsukun thought up the many different ways to make the Nyan Nyan's death look like an accident.

"Did it! She did it!" Came the sing-song voice of the Nyan Nyan in the distance as she fell back to earth. This was followed by a loud crash coming from the nearby mountain.

"You!" Everyone jumped and pointed. A look of sheer shock and anger and confusion washed over their faces, like they couldn't decide on what expression to settle on.

"Don't act so surprised. Who else would have done it?" The old woman sipped her tea. "Kuto? Ha! Those morons are tripping over themselves to find out who did it as well."

"Kuto...." Miaka shook her head clear of the thoughts of the Seiryuu seishi as women. "But...why?"

Taiitsukun glared. "I'm old and wanted some fun. Is that a good enough excuse?"

"Nyan Nyan thought it was funny too! Tama-Tama thought she was dying!" Nyan Nyan limped into the room. A bandage covered her forehead and one of her arms as she leaned on a walking stick.

"So this has all been for your amusement?" Tasuki growled.

"Other's amusement too. Nyan Nyan thought it was fun...as did Nuriko. But I guess I have to change you back." Taiitsukun sighed. "I was hoping to have this last a little bit longer."

"Why?" Nuriko inquired.

"Suzaku and I had a bet going on. Stupid bird...I now own him lunch..." She mumbled under her breath and cursed the god.

Everyone settled in the new room and sat on the floor. Taiitsukun looked deep in thought for a few minutes. "I should start shouldn't I?"

"Yes."

Nuriko leaned over to whisper in the old woman's ear. "Is there any way that I can..."

"No."

"But--"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll let you have a date with Hotohori..." Nuriko looked away innocently. "But if you don't want to..."

"Talk to me later."

"We did just discuss me staying a woman, didn't we?"

"Yes." Taiitsukun cleared her throat. Everyone leaned closer to see what the magic words. "Nyan Nyan...change them back."

Everyone fell flat on their faces. That was it? The Nyan Nyan did it?

It was over in a matter of seconds, in fact, they didn't even realize they had changed back.

The Nyan Nyan smiled sweetly. "Should I change the others back too?"

".....Later....in a week or two....I'm not losing my bet with Seiryuu...."

Miaka flushed bright red. "Tamahome...could I borrow your...bra?"

Nuriko pouted as she felt herself up and found nothing. "I thought we had a deal." He growled under his breath.

"I changed my mind last second."

"You evil..."

"I know I am."

*****

Everyone was smiles as the left for home. Exempt for Nuriko, who was pissed. Everyone decided to leave him alone.

"Highness. I think I know what would cheer Nuriko up--" Tasuki was promptly hit in the face and fell off his horse.

"What?!" Tasuki rubbed his injured jaw. "I thought maybe a drink would cheer him up! Always cheers me up."

"You're hopelessly clueless, no da." Chichiri sighed and rode on.

Hotohori stopped and waited for Nuriko. Under his breath Hotohori heard the words 'Evil', 'scheming', 'old bitch', and 'gonna pay.'

"Nuriko?"

Nuriko snapped out of his torture session with Taiitsukun. "Huh?"

"We're back to normal."

"Yippy." Sarcasm dripped like acid from his one word.

"You could always ask Miaka to change you back when she summons Suzaku...." Hotohori trailed off. "I know you always wanted to be a woman. Though I never knew why...they are so confusing..."

Nuriko groaned. "Maybe then you don't want to know why..."

"Are you ok...." Hotohori noticed the figurative dark cloud growing over Nuriko's head and patted him on the shoulder.

Nuriko blushed. "Um....it's getting dark and all....."

Hotohori smiled. "We should stop at the next town for the night." He rode forward to tell the others of the plan.

"Hopeless..." Nuriko mumbled, though he didn't know if it was for himself or Hotohori. He smiled. "Suzaku could turn me back...." Until that happened, he would just fawn over Hotohori more...Yes. That could work.

Nuriko rode harder to catch up to the group now singing '99 bottles of beer on the wall' Tasuki's voice raising higher than anyone else's.

******

Taiitsukun glared across the table at the man with red hair and wings. His face hidden behind a menu labeled 'Garcia's' in cursive maroon writing against a cream background.

He ignored the looks the waiter was giving him and smiled. "I will have a bottle of your best wine and the most expensive thing on your menu, triple the portions."

"Triple!?!" Taiitsukun bellowed.

"Yes. I would like to eat and I will bring some home to Genbu and Byakko." He smiled sweetly at her. "What would you like to eat?"

Taiitsukun glared. "A glass of water. Damn you bird."

"Taiitsukun..." The other man at the table glared as he put down his menu. "Why is it you still haven't changed my seishi back?" Seiryuu looked pissed.

"Easy." Suzaku laughed. "My seishi are smarter than yours and found out who did it to them quicker. Let's see your blond general figure that out!"

Seiryuu glared. "I'll have the chicken."

"Ooh. Good comeback!" Suzaku gloated. Not only are my seishi prettier than yours, but also smarter!"

"Take that back." The dragon hissed

"It's true!" He looked hurt. "Have you seen your Ashitare? Or your Miboshi?"

"Yeah, well your Miko eats her country into debt!"

Suzaku faked shock again. "At least all my seishi worship me." he sipped his wine. "And not some made-up god."

Taiitsukun felt like slamming her head into the table as the two gods childlike taunts continued on, even tough the entire restaurant stared.

"I'll be taking the bill..." She told the poor waiter that would probably be blown into tiny pieces by an attack meant for the other god.

******

Keisuke's eyes were wide with shock as he shut the Universe of the Four Gods. He did not just read that. He did not just read that. He did not just--

"Keisuke?" Tetsuya opened the door to their new research room in the library. "Found us some lunch. Find anything interesting while I was away?"

Keisuke was still in shock as he threw the book at his best friend. "Oh yeah..." He finally came to his senses and fell off his chair laughing. "Oh yeah. It was a good part you missed!"

Tetsuya took off his sunglasses and eyed the maniac rolling around on the floor while trying to eat the fries they snuck in. "One morning, the Suzaku no Miko awoke to find she had mysteriously..."

He read on....

******

Yay! Woo! Holy cow! Did I just finish it? No way! *cries* No!!!!! *Falls to her knees and bellows a great cry of pain and loss.*

Oh wait...Seiryuu is still female!

Yay! maybe I'll do more. I don't know. Fanart is on the way! (and greatly appreciated if one wants to turn it into me! You can find my email on my page, or son_melyn@yahoo.com) ^^

Well....good bye for now, I guess....*sob sob* Look for the fan art!