Futurama Fan Fiction ❯ Bender Gets Mavericky ❯ ACT II: "Do You Have a Sexual Stalker?" ( Chapter 2 )

ACT II: “Do You Have a Sexual Stalker?”

Fry stood quietly in Mayor Poopenmeyer’s office as the mayor attempted to decipher Fry’s strange request.

“So, let me get this straight…you want me to issue a ban on all Public Displays of Affection?” The mayor asked, confused.
“No…just the human ones.” Fry shrugged.
“Why is this? Do you have a sexual stalker?”
“No.”
“An intense fear of intimacy?”
“No…not anymore anyway…”
“Your robot friend quit his job because he’s disgusted with human affection?”
“No…oh, wait, yeah! That’s the one!”
The mayor thought for a moment, then nodded. “Well, usually, I don’t do this kind of thing, but both my wife and my mistress left me for the same hockey player so, okay.” Grabbing his microphone, which conveniently allowed his voice to permeate the entire city, the mayor issued the new law.
“ATTENTION NEW NEW YORKERS: AS OF TODAY, ALL HUAMN DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION ARE HENCEFORTH BANNDED. ANY HUMANS FOUND HOLDING HANDS, KISSING, HUGGING, PERFORMING THE HEIMLICH OR MAKING FLITHY LOVE IN THE STREETS WILL BE ARRESTED AND PROSECUTED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW.”
Humans in the streets began shouting and arguing, waving their fists at the tall office building.
Poopenmeyer decided to wrap up the speech. “THIS NEW LAW SHALL BE CALLED: THE FRY LAW. THAT IS ALL.”
The disagreeable humans continued their shouting and threats, a distinct “Kill Fry!” could be heard in the background.
The mayor turned off the microphone. “There ya go kid. I’m sure your robot friend heard that. Good luck walking home.”
Fry sighed, content that his idea was actually working. He turned to leave. “Thanks Mayor. Oh, before I go…is there a Doctor in this building with a Reattachment Ray?”

Bender, dressed in black while picking a lock to the massive Japanese-owned Kamasaki Android Corporation, whimpered and shook his head.

“Oh, Fry! You’re such a pal! I guess I don’t have to make a living as a broad-daylight cat burglar after all…” He stopped abruptly to apply make-up whiskers, then cracked the lock and entered the a large sack with all sorts of valuables, he hauled it over his shoulder and started towards the door.
Bender chuckled lightly to himself. “Man, I can’t believe this place doesn’t have a burglar alarm!”He glanced at the alarm system, which was thought activated. “Ah, crap!” He groaned as the alarm went off.
Bender attempted a clean getaway, but a large box covered in cobwebs in the corner caught his eye. “Ooh!” He looked on with interest.
He attempted to grab the heavy box, but found the items too awkward to get them both through the door. He dropped them and backed up, rubbing his chin. “Hmm, let’s see…do I go for the bag of valuables, or the mystery box that could be filled with garbage for all I know…” He instinctively reached for the bag, but then retracted with second thoughts. “Mystery box or bag of valuables? What’s a robot to do!?”
He turned as the footfalls of the cops could be heard. With a last minute decision, Bender snagged the box. “Oh, I can’t resist!” He chuckled as he made his hasty exit to a nearby alley.
He removed his burglar gear and shoved it all into his compartment, then turned his attention to the box. “Okay, let’s see what possibly valuable object I’ve come across…”A small army knife popped up from one of his fingers. He slashed the tape and opened the box folds. He gasped and backed away, unable to tear his gaze from the contents of the box.
“Oh my Daffodil!” Inside, Bender stared at what appeared to be a slumbering nude human female with dainty glasses and long dark hair in a high bun. “A human!?” He raged. “ I gave up my bag of goodies for a lousy, worthless human? Dammit!”
He kicked the box with frustration, causing the bubblewrap around the being to fall to the sides, revealing a programming guide and an ‘on’ button. Bender moved in closer, squinting his eyes.
“What the?…that’s not a human! It’s a robot! But it looks just like a human!” He poked it, his finger disappearing into what felt like flesh. “Ew, and it feels squishy like one too! What kind of abomination is this? I oughta hunt down the sick scum who made this creature and kick his ass! But first…I’d better destroy this monster…” He looked at the button and read it out loud.“Turn me on…Oh, I’ll turn you on alright…” He pushed the button and, instantly, the robot’s eyes popped open. The fembot glanced at Bender and smiled.
“I am Palin-Bot Model 0069.” She said in a friendly Canadian accent. “Codename: Palori. I will give you pleasure now.” She stepped out of the box, a lustful look in her eyes.
Bender tossed up his hands and took a step back. “Whoa, lady! Back off! You ain’t my type! Human figures just don’t do it for me! Now, where’s your self-destruct button?”
“I will give you pleasure now…” She repeated; shoving Bender against the brick wall.
Bender struggled, trying to push her away. “Hey! Get away from me! No means no! Leave me alone!”
Palori began sparking violently as she snuggled nearer to him.
Bender’s struggles became less desperate. “I’m warning you! I!…hey…hey, that feels pretty good…”
“I will give you pleasure now…” She repeated, smoke sizzling from her circuits.
“I!…you!…Uh…Oh, what the hell? Lay it on me, baby…” Unable to resist the fembots’ advances any longer, Bender closed his eyes and retaliated with his own sparks. Both giggled as Bender’s pleasure programming commenced.

PX…the next day
The crew, excluding the professor, snapped their heads in surprise as Bender entered the room. “I’m back, Chumps! Miss me?”

“Bender! You came back!” Fry exclaimed.
Bender put his arm around Fry’s shoulder. “I sure am, buddy! Thanks to you! Banning human displays of affection was the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me…well, except for that thing my new girlfriend did for me last night…” He ended with a dirty giggle.
The crew gasped, stunned by the news.
Fry pulled away suspiciously. “New girlfriend? What new girlfriend?”
Bender walked over to the door and cleared his throat. “Ahem…Ladies, Gentlemen and Fry…I’d like you all to meet…Palori.”
Palori entered the room wearing what appeared to be a very expensive red business dress. The crew gasped even louder at her humanoid appearance.
“Bender! Your new girlfriend…is an adorable…HUMAN?” Leela stammered.
“Hell no! I hate humans! Palori is a one of a kind fembot with the sad disfiguring appearance of an adorable human.”
“Hey, that’s MY outfit!” Amy shouted.
“It sure is!” Bender laughed. “I snatched a cheap outfit from Leela’s room, but Palori preferred something a little more corporate and a lot more expensive. So, I snagged this for her instead. Isn’t that right, sugar lips?”
“Fashion is my #1 love next to pleasure! You Betcha!” Palori stated in an unbearably cheerful manner.
“Where’d you get her anyway?” Leela asked, seemingly impressed.
“I rescued her from that Japanese robot factory down the street. You know…Come-a-sucky?”
“That’s ‘Kamasaki’, Bender.” Leela corrected with a groan.
“Eh, I like my pronunciation better.” He turned towards Palori and tapped his cheek. “How about giving lovable ol’ Bender some sugar, baby?”
Palori obeyed and kissed him; shoving him onto the table. The crew grunted and groaned uncomfortably, trying their hardest not to watch as the robots rolled around, Palori sparking and smoking violently. Fry watched with extreme jealousy. After several minutes, the two finally parted.
Bender chuckled. “Is she frisky or what?”
The crew responded with some grunts and glares.
“Well, so long, losers! Me and Palori are gonna go make nasty robot love in the Professor’s bed.”
“But, the professor is still IN bed!” Leela shuddered.
Bender shrugged. “So? C’mon, baby.” He extended his arm around Palori’s waist.
“I will give you pleasure now?” Palori inquired.
“You Betcha!” Bender winked as they disappeared behind the automatic door.
With the robots gone, the crew focused their glares on Fry.
“This is all your fault, you know.” Leela growled.
“Hey! Is it MY fault that I proposed a ban on all human affections just as Bender decided to hook up with a humanoid robot girlfriend?” Fry argued.
“YES!” The crew snapped simultaneously.
“They even issued a dress code for humans!” Amy got to her feet, reveling that her sweat suit top was covering her completely. “Look! Now I can’t even show off my well sculpted cute abs anymore!”
“Needa can me wife!” Hermes argued. “And dats de only reason I married her!”
Leela hovered over Fry threateningly. “Fry, you have to do something. Get the Mayor to lift the ban!”
“I can’t Leela! If I do that, then Bender will quit again!”
“Well then do something about that insufferably cute Palori!” Amy chimed in. “Break them up!”
“I can’t do that either!” Fry whimpered.
“Why not?” Leela growled, growing impatient.
Fry shrugged and grinned slightly. “Because…I kinda like watching them make-out…”
“FRY!” The crew roared, causing Fry to leap to his feet.
“Alright, alright! I’ll try getting the Mayor to lift the ban!”

Mayor’s office.
“No?” Fry gasped in disbelief. “What do you mean no? Don’t you miss sex?”

The mayor swiped at the golf ball with his club. “I did at first, but now I have more time to try new things! Besides, I thought you wanted the ban. What changed your mind? Robot get a hot new girlfriend that looks like a human, yet is NOT a holographic projection of a celebrity?”
“Something like that. So, you won’t lift the ban?” Fry made one final plea.
“Hell no!” The mayor snapped. “It’s gonna take a lot more then you asking politely for me to lift this ban. Now get out. You’re standing where my new pinball machine is going.”
Fry sighed and turned away. “Well, I guess its Plan B…oh, wait, one more question…”
“Reattachment Ray is still on the 2nd floor.” The Mayor informed.
Fry sighed with relief. “Oh good. Well, after I’m done with that, then I’ll move onto Plan B…”

Mom’s Friendly Robot Company…
Mom hauled off and slapped Fry in the face with a sickening crack. “So, you’re the nosey bastard that initiated that ban! I oughta cram your ass so full of lead that you’ll be puking #2 pencils for the rest of your worthless life!”

Rubbing his cheek, Fry attempted to defend himself. “Look, I realize I made a huge mistake! But…”
Mom’s open palm once again made contact with Fry’s face. “CRAM A BASTARD IN YOUR CRAP HOLE, I’M STILL TALKING!”
“OW!” Fry flinched.
“What the hell are you still doing in here?” Mom hissed, ready to strike again.
“I need your help! Please, there’s this robot my friend is dating, and I need to know how to deactivate it! It’s unlike any robot I’ve ever seen here in the future. It looks just like a human, feels like a human…and it likes expensive clothes.”
Mom lifted her eyes with interest. “Looks…and feels…like a human? Aw, crap…”
“What is it?”
Mom removed a remote from her bra and pressed a button. A screen appeared from above, showing a robot with human skin slowly forming around it. A second one appeared beside it; it was the same model as Palori.
“That’s the one!” Fry pointed excitedly.
Mom closed her eyes and shook her head. “Damn…your robot has come across what’s known as a Pleasure-Bot.”
“Pleasure-Bot? Never heard of it.”
“Well, if you’d shut your puke-hole for a minute and let me explain…”
“Sorry…”
“Like I was saying, Pleasure-Bots were invented in the year 2010. They made an upgraded model designed in 2012 in celebration of their new president, Sarah Palin.”
“Who the hell is Sarah Palin? I always thought Hillary Clinton would be the first woman president.”
“DON’T INTERUPPT ME, SPIT MAGGOT!” Mom’s hand met with Fry’s face, only this time, as a closed fist. Quickly overcoming her rage, she continued. “They discontinued them due to a flaw in the programming.”
“What kind of flaw?” Fry cried, rubbing his face tenderly, flinching as Mom roared her response.
“HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW, YOU DUMB BASTARD? I DIDN’T CREATE IT!”
“You…didn’t? But, I thought you created all robots?”
Mom sighed and turned towards the window, glaring at her Japanese competitors. “No…those sick Japanese scum-puddles at the Kamasaki Android Corporation built the Pleasure-Bots. I wouldn’t stoop that low. I’m a firm believer that humans should pleasure themselves.”
“I agree!”
“Is that all you need to know?” Mom asked gently, turning back towards Fry.
“Yep…that’s about it.”
“Good…NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE, YOU CRAP MUNCHING THUNDER WHORE!” She sounded off, giving Fry one last abusive strike in the face.