Futurama Fan Fiction ❯ Bender Gets Mavericky ❯ ACT III: "Show Him What you Can do With Your Legs!" ( Chapter 3 )

Fry sipped some Slurm while resting on the couch, his eyes glued to the TV.

“…And that concludes our segment on The Penis Enlargement Ray and the dangers of using it.” Linda grinned, arranging her papers and setting them before her.
“Morbo is pleased by this news. I shall order 3 million of these Peh-nis Enlarger Rays and send them to my home planet. Earthlings will not survive long if their males cannot breed.” The sadistic alien overlord ended with a maniacal laugh, Linda joining him with a light chuckle.
“Oh great.” Fry groaned. “Now they tell me…”
Bender and Palori entered the room and stood in front of the TV. Fry glared with annoyance.
“Hey, Fry! Check out this new thing I taught Palori! C’mon sweetie! Show him what you can do with your legs!” Bender encouraged.
Palori proceed to do a handstand split. Fry gasped and turned away quickly, only to look back again as her dress lifted over her head. It was apparent that Bender didn’t understand the meaning of underpants or why one should steal them. Bender quickly picked up on Fry’s reaction and stared suspiciously at the thing Fry seemed so attracted to. “Wha?…Oh, that?” Bender pointed. “Yeah, I’m not sure what that’s for…maybe an oil output or something…”
“More like an input…” Fry muttered.
“Either way, isn’t that a neat trick?”
Fry hummed and hawed uncomfortably.
Quickly becoming bored, Bender changed the subject. “Well, we’re gonna do it here right now. C’mon, baby. Let’s cross wires!”
Fry, unable to stand it any longer, leapt to his feet and shouted angrily. “That’s enough, Bender!”
“What?” Bender asked innocently.
“You and Palori! All you two ever do now is have sex! And in front of everybody!” Fry yelled, pointing accusingly at Palori.
“Ah, you’re just jealous!” Bender brushed it off.
“Damn right I am! I put a ban on all human displays of affection for you! And this is how you repay me? By letting me watch you two doing the nasty in our workspace?”
“Fry! I’m surprised at this sudden unexpected, unprovoked outburst!” Bender shouted, not really sounding that surprised.
“You want a surprise?” Fry threatened, eyeing Leela as she entered the room. Fry grabbed her roughly and planted a big, wet one on her.
Bender gasped. “Ugh! That’s disgusting! I find that offensive!”
“I agree with Bender!” Leela spat, wiping her mouth. “Fry, you idi…OW!”
Leela’s sentence went unfinished as Fry plopped her on the ground and reached for Palori. “I’ll show you offensive!” To Bender’s absolute shock, Fry pulled Palori into his arms and kissed her. Speechless, Bender could only show is surprise with an over-extended girly squeal.
Fry released Palori, who seemed very pleased. In her mind, her true programming began to take affect. Pleasure-Circuits: Activated. Primary Pleasure-giver: Phillip J. Fry.
Fry glared at Bender with an arrogant grin.
“You…you bastard!” Bender screamed. “You double-crossing bastard! I’ll kill you!”
Fry pushed Palori onto the couch just as Bender lunged at him. Bender slapped Fry in the face a few times, and the two engaged in a very unmanly slap-fight. Leela pulled them apart.
“That’s enough fighting like girls, you two!” She ordered, tossing Fry to the side.
Bender pulled away and grabbed Palori by the arm, unaware at the fact that she was staring lustfully at Fry.
“That’s it! I’ve had enough of your crap, Fry! I want you out of my closet by tomorrow morning!” Bender demanded.
“I’ll be out of there by tonight!” Fry called back, turning away stubbornly.
“Fine!” Bender said angrily, walking away.
“Fine!” Fry agreed.
“Fine!” Bender continued, even though he was no longer in the room.
“Fine…” Fry muttered quietly to himself.
“Fry, you idiot! Where do you plan on sleeping tonight?” Leela asked snidely.
“I dunno.” Fry shrugged. “I was hoping you’d invite me over.”
Leela glared at him simply, arms crossed.
“So…is that a yes?” He asked hopefully.
“No!” Leela shouted, still often amazed at just how dense Fry was.
Fry sighed and sat on the couch. “Fine…I’ll just sleep here tonight.”

That night…4:00 a.m.
Fry sleepily slide himself off the couch and headed for the bathroom. Upon stumbling out, he found himself face to face with Palori. He gasped and drew back, slamming into the door that had closed behind him.

“Palori! Wha…what’re you doing here?”
“I snuck out of Bender’s apartment. I came to see you. Fry…I will give you pleasure now…” She leaned over and kissed him.
Fry hastily pulled her away. “No wait! You’re Bender’s girlfriend! Plus you’re a robot!”
Palori sighed and turned away. “It’s time you learned the Maverick-honest truth, Fry. You see, I was designed to pleasure humans, not other robots. I was also programmed to feel pleasure…and buy really nice clothes using taxpayers money!…I hadn’t felt anything being with Bender…but when you kissed me, I realized my true programming. Oh, let me pleasure you Fry…and you can pleasure me in return.”
“I can’t!” Fry said, disappointed.
“Of course you can! I wasn’t meant for Bender, don’t you see? I’m too painfully cute to be with a robot!” Palori begged.
“No! I meant that I don’t have much experience when it comes to pleasuring the 2nd party.”
Palori kissed Fry again. “Well, then you’ll learn, won’t you?”

The next morning.
Hermes, Amy and Leela sat around the table. Bender entered, looked around the room, then grunted and turned to his crewmates. “Have any of you jerkwads seen Palori anywhere?”

“No.” Leela shrugged.
Amy shook her head. “Uh-uh”
“Nope.” Hermes murmured, not taking his eyes off his paperwork.
“Hey…where’s Fry?” Leela asked suspiciously.
“Who the hell cares?” Bender growled, a hint of sadness in his voice.
Farnsworth entered suddenly, his clothes disheveled and his glasses crooked. “Oh my…I had the strangest dreams these past few days. I dreamt that robots were having rough sex in my bed while I was sleeping in it.”
“Hey Professor. You haven’t seen my girlfriend around, have you? She’s a robot, but looks and feels like a human. She’s also into offshore drilling and not answering questions…”
Farnsworth rubbed his chin. “A robot that looks and feels like a human, you say? Oh dear…”
“What kind of robot is it, Professor?” Amy asked.
“It’s known as a Pleasure Bot.” The old man informed. “They were created solely to give sexual pleasure to the person who activated its pleasure-circuits.”
“That’s me, baby.” Bender said arrogantly as he puffed on a cigar.
“What are you talking about, you moronic machine? You can’t give a Pleasure Bot pleasure! Only a human man can do that! Unless, of course, it’s a Lez-Bot…”
“But, I activated her! She loves me! She sparks every time we kiss!”
“Those sparks aren’t meant to give you pleasure, you stupid Mechano-man. They’re a malfunction caused by you. Her circuits are different then yours. Why, the second she feels pleasure brought on by a human, she’ll dump your ass!”
“Professor, I’ve never heard of a Pleasure-Bot. Do they make them anymore?” Leela asked.
“Oh my, no.” The professor answered, adjusting his glasses. “You see, there was a flaw in the programming. Turns out the Pleasure Bots would sleep with anything that pleasured them…the whores. They discontinued them in the year 2015, including the Palin model. Yes, nothing but a bunch of robo-whores…”
Zoidberg suddenly entered the room. With a sad groan, he sat at the table, his head in his claws.
Amy grunted at his stench. “What’s with you?”
“I woke up last night to get a snack from the garbage. When I returned to my house, someone had locked me out…”
“What house? You live in the broom closet!” Leela said coldly.
“I know…” The lobsterman moaned pathetically.
Bender rubbed his chin, feeling a sudden case of suspicion. “Wait a minute…Palori’s gone, Fry’s gone, and now someone’s locked Dr. Jerkberg out of the broom closet? I think I know what’s going on here…”
Bender ran down the hall towards the broom closet, shaking his fists. “Nibbler, if you’re chewing on my Banjo, you’ll be sorry!”
He stopped at the door and listened carefully. He could clearly hear giggles and moans coming from inside. He gasped at the realization that the situation was far worse then he’d anticipated.
“What the?” With a forceful swing of his leg, he kicked the door open.
Fry sat up, embarrassed, with a blanket covering a large mass on top of him. He smiled nervously as the mass tried to wriggle free. “Uh…Bender! It’s not what it looks like!”
Palori tossed the covers off. She looked back at Bender and grinned. Bender could only gasp like a 4-year-old girl at the scene before him.
Fry chuckled embarrassingly. “Okay, maybe it IS what it looks like…”
“Palori! How could you?” Bender whimpered. “I thought I was you little Maverick-maker!”
“It’s not working out between us, Bender.” Palori shrugged, returning her attention to Fry.
Bender turned away, crying. “Ugh! You’re nothing but a whore! A filthy, filthy whore!” That said, he took off down the hallway, balling his eyes out.
“Bender wait!” Fry called desperately, running after his friend stark naked.
Palori leaned back and sighed with frustration, but her spirits quickly lifted when Zoidberg entered the closet.
“Hooray! My house is back!” He cheered as he noticed Palori beneath the blanket.
“Hey, Lobsterman. I will give YOU pleasure now…”
“Hmm?” Zoidberg cooed with interest as the mating fin on his head erected.

Out in the hallway, Bender sat on the ground, crying. Nude Fry sat next to him, putting his arm around Bender’s cold metallic shoulder.

“I’m sorry buddy. I tried to resist her, but I couldn’t. She’s so persuasive. I can see why people voted for her. She’s just so darn cute, and she seems to get cuter each time you see her!”
“I know, pal.” Bender sniffled. “I don’t blame you…I blame that skanky whore! I should have never activated her in the first place.”
“Are you going to be alright?”
Bender sniffled again. “I guess so…but I can’t say I won’t miss her. She gave great downloads.”
“I agree.”
Zoidberg stepped out bashfully from behind the corner. “Great! You made up with each other! So, neither of you will be getting back together with Palori?”
Fry shrugged. “No, why?”
“Oh, no reason…” Zoidberg murmured suspiciously.
“Hey, what’s that behind your back?” Bender pointed, seeing something dangling.
Zoidberg gave a nervous chuckle. “Umm…I got a little frisky and…” He revealed Palori’s disembodied head. “…I broke her.”
“Good Lord! What happened to her body?” Fry asked in shock.
Zoidberg fiddled with the hair clamped tightly in his claws. “It exploded…”
Fry and Bender gasped.
“Can I keep the head?” Zoidberg asked innocently.
Bender sighed and motioned with his hand. “Sure, knock yourself out…”
“Hooray! I have a new friend!” Zoidberg cheered as he scuttled away.
Bender and the still very naked Fry got to their feet.
“I’m glad this is all over, Bender.” Fry said with relief.
Bender nodded. “Me too, Fry. But what about that law the Mayor passed?”
Fry slapped his forehead. “Oh, crud! I forgot about that! I’m breaking my own Fry Law!”
Amy, who was casually passing by wearing her old outfit, flicked her wrist at the subject. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I slept with the mayor and got him to reverse it. But now he won’t stop text-messaging me!” She pulled out her brand new Roddenberry cell phone as it beeped a reminder of a new message. ‘Cn’t stp thnkin’ bout u. Wnt 2 meet l8r?’ With an annoyed grunt, Amy walked away.
Fry stretched and let out a sigh of relief. “Well, I guess that’s that!”
“Yep! Plus, I gained a new appreciation for the female version of the human body.” Bender drew back his arm and gave a friendly slap on Leela’s rump as she walked by.
“OW! Bender!” Leela scolded.
“What? It’s a compliment!” Bender said calmly as Leela stormed away, rubbing her sore bum.
“Let’s promise to never fight over a woman again.” Fry offered.
“It’s a promise…unless she’s really loaded.” Bender added.
“Agreed.”
“Put ‘er there, my squishy, naked, meatbag buddy!” Bender looked down at Fry’s privets curiously. “Uh, Fry…I think you’re missing something…”
Fry, noticing exactly what Bender meant, turned and frantically screamed. “OH CRAP! DR ZOIDBERG! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T DISPOSE OF PALORI’S BODY YET! I THINK I LEFT SOMETHING IMPORTANT IN THERE THAT NEEDS TO BE REATTACHED!”