Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Perception of Strength ❯ Kiss the Rain ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter Six: Kiss the Rain

When Sanzo told him Gojyo and Hakkai were living together, Goku hadn’t thought anything about it. Honestly, it hadn’t even occurred to him that Hakkai—formerly Gonou but Hakkai fit him better—would need a place to stay, but after Sanzo said it, Goku was glad Hakkai was staying close. He was even gladder after he ate Hakkai’s cooking for the first time.

It was about a year and a half after this that Sanzo, after they were on their way back to the temple from the cottage, said that the extra futon was missing.

“So?” was Goku’s reaction.

Sanzo had given him this weird look, before he snorted and focused on the road. “I shouldn’t be as surprised as I am that you don’t get it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?! Sanzo!”

Then Sanzo explained. “They’re sleeping together, and they invited us over tonight for the sole purpose of us realizing that the other bed’s gone.”

“Oh… So, what’s the big deal?”

Again, Sanzo had given him that look. Even after he really understood it, Goku still didn’t see how it was such a big deal. Even after he’d grown older and learned more about sex (Gojyo had been corrupting youth long before they’d met Sasuke and Naruto), he felt the same.

He’d looked at girls, of course. Really, he started looking at them after Gojyo had made a comment about a young lady wearing a filmy purple dress, and so Goku had looked. Gojyo seemed to like doing it, and Goku grew curious.

A few times in his life, he’d met a girl who’d become a friend, or even an enemy, but it usually brought him around to where he’d started from. He didn’t really see the appeal to girls that Gojyo seemed to.

Eventually he realized that the girl thing was a front Gojyo put up nowadays, one that seemed to amuse Hakkai—though Goku couldn’t say for sure how he knew that. He just did. It didn’t mean that Gojyo wasn’t attracted to them anymore, just that he was, well, Gojyo.

So, sex and girls? No real appeal. Goku was far more interested in fighting strong opponents and eating delicious food—and being with Sanzo, of course.

Goku didn’t remember the first time he thought Sanzo was attractive; it just seemed natural to think that, because he was. Sanzo had released him, had given him a world much, much brighter than the sun, and Goku loved him.

It seemed natural too when, one day, he’d gotten the urge to kiss the monk. And more than kissing. He found himself watching Sanzo more during the day, especially when he was bored and there were no demons to fight, imagining what it would be like. The more he watched, the more he noticed that Sanzo watched him too. He would quickly look away, but Goku caught him several times.

So he tried it. He’d leaned up to kiss Sanzo, only to have the blond step back, violet eyes widening in surprise.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sanzo demanded, not angry, just shocked.

Goku had been confused. He hadn’t given thought to Sanzo not feeling the same. He probably should have. “I was trying to kiss you.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to.”

“But, why do you want to?”

That took a moment’s thought, but not too long. “Because I love you.”

Sanzo had been silent for an even longer time. He didn’t look at Goku but at a spot in the floor, expression distant and it made the boy very nervous.

“Sanzo?” he’d prodded.

“Not now,” Sanzo replied abruptly, his gun hand twitching. “I can’t do this now.”

Goku had been so confused he’d gone to Hakkai (because there was no way in hell he was going to Gojyo about this). Hakkai had explained, “Sanzo’s not ready to take that next step in your relationship. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the same. He’s still not used to expressing his feelings—that’s why he sometimes reacts so violently after something’s happened to you.”

The last part Goku had always known on a basic level. So, that’s when he decided he would wait and give Sanzo the time he needed.

Despite what some people might think Goku was capable of waiting for something. It was Sanzo, and Sanzo was worth the wait.

*

“What did you want to talk about?” Goku asked when Naruto pulled him aside.

They had reached the next town and it was just after dinner. Hakkai and Sakura had gone out shopping for the next day’s supplies. Gojyo and Sanzo were upstairs playing cards and insulting each other. Naruto wasn’t quite sure where Sasuke had gone—when they had gone to the inn Naruto had been so focused on getting Goku alone that he’d lost sight of his boy—best friend. He assumed the other ninja was upstairs in the inn somewhere.

Naruto sat down on the porch swing beside the brunet, swinging his feet nervously. Neighborhood children played together on the grass a little ways away, their excitement and happiness strangely counterintuitive to how Naruto felt.

“It’s about, uh, what happened after we got off the ship,” Naruto began.

“Oh.” Goku eyed the other boy, Naruto’s uneasiness suddenly making him feel the same. He’d hoped the demon thing hadn’t bothered Naruto that much…

“Yeah, well, since I know about you guys, I thought it was only fair you knew the truth about me.” He didn’t exactly want a lot of people to know, but he meant what he said. And maybe, deep down, he wanted Goku to know because Goku might understand. He didn’t want Sasuke and Sakura to know because he was afraid that they would start hating him, but he didn’t think that Goku wouldn’t do that.

“The truth?” Goku echoed, puzzled.

Little did they know that at that moment, Sasuke had decided to go outside in search of Naruto, only to stop just before exiting the backdoor once he heard the blond speak. He, like Goku, wondered what Naruto was talking about. The truth? Has he been hiding something all this time? Sasuke wanted to deny it. He couldn’t think of anything the boy could be hiding, or that he was even capable of it.

He hadn’t realized it before, but he’d come to depend on Naruto’s honesty.

“I… have a demon sealed inside me,” Naruto finally confessed. Goku’s gold eyes widened and Naruto looked back out at the children playing. He explained what the Kyuubi was and the night he had found out. Goku listened without comment until Naruto finished speaking.

He smiled. “So that’s why you didn’t freak out when you found out we were demons.” Oddly, Goku felt even closer to Naruto now, and this made him very happy.

Naruto smiled back, hesitantly. “Yeah. I… I can’t tell Sasuke and Sakura-chan.”

“Why not?”

“They’ll hate me,” Naruto confessed in a small voice.

Goku thought about that, shaking his head. “I don’t think they will.”

“You don’t?” Naruto asked, as if it had never occurred to him that it was a possibility.

Sasuke had heard enough. He stuck his head out the doorway. “Idiot. Of course I won’t. That’s just stupid.” He was surprised, certainly, but it also cleared a few things up, like Naruto’s fight with Gaara of the Sand.

Naruto whirled around to face his rival, speechless. Goku grinned widely.

*

It was on their way back from the market that Sakura felt the drop land on her forehead. She looked upward and noticed how dark the sky had become. “Is it going to rain?”

Hakkai glanced upward too, eyes thoughtful. “It appears so, Sakura-chan. Let’s hurry back, shall we?”

The pink-haired girl smiled. “Okay.”

On his shoulder, Hakuryu rubbed his jaw against Hakkai’s cheek, mewing worriedly. Hakkai pet his neck in thanks.

*

By nightfall, the rain was coming down hard. Hakkai retired early, not waiting for Gojyo to finish his beer. The redhead had drunk it quickly, coughed as the liquid went down the wrong pipe, and hurried after his lover.

Sanzo hadn’t come to dinner at all.

“Is Sanzo-san alright?” Sakura asked Goku. She’d noticed that the usually energetic boy seemed to be quieter this evening in Sanzo’s absence, as if his mind was anywhere but on his food.

Goku noticed her worried expression and smiled slightly. “Yeah. It’s the rain. Makes him… sick.” He knew that wasn’t true, but it was better than telling her the truth. The truth being that he didn’t really know what was wrong with Sanzo when it rained. “He’ll be fine when it stops though,” he added in a hopeful tone.

Sakura glanced out the window. “It’s pouring pretty hard. Hakkai-san said he thought it would stop by morning though.”

That eased Goku slightly. There weren’t very many things that Hakkai got wrong. “Really? That’s good.” He hoped one day Sanzo would feel comfortable enough to tell him what was wrong. Even if Goku couldn’t help, he wanted to know.

“If he’s sick, shouldn’t he eat?” Naruto asked. He hadn’t ever been sick before, but he thought he remembered Iruka mentioning something about soup broth once.

Goku shook his head. “He’ll eat when he gets hungry. It’s okay.”

Sasuke stayed silent, knowing there was more going on than Goku was telling. But, unlike Naruto and Sakura, he wasn’t interested in sticking his nose in it.

*

“It really doesn’t bother you?” Naruto asked once they were alone.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Idiot,” was all he said, but it was enough. Naruto beamed brighter than the sun, and a little bit more ice chipped off of Sasuke’s heart.

“I don’t think I can tell Sakura-chan though,” Naruto concluded.

Sasuke shrugged. “It’s your decision.” Really, he didn’t know if Naruto’s fears were founded or not.

“Maybe one day,” Naruto murmured. “Not today.”

“Okay.” Hesitantly, Sasuke brushed his fingers against Naruto’s face. The blond smiled again.

*

Goku opened the door silently, nervously, and stopped in his tracks as he caught sight of the person in the room.

Sanzo’s face was illuminated by pale moonlight that managed to sneak out from behind the thick storm clouds. His eyes, normally cold and impassive, looked lost as they gazed at the raindrops pattering loudly against the windowpane. In one hand a cigarette loosely dangled between his fingers. The top of his robes were undone, revealing the black clothing that clung to Sanzo’s body tightly.

He was beautiful. Of course, this was not the first time Goku had thought so, but still…

“I’m not sick,” Sanzo announced, not looking away from the window.

“I know,” Goku responded, walking further into the room.

“Then go away.”

“Where am I supposed to sleep?”

“Don’t care.”

Goku sighed and sat down on the mattress beside his sun. He didn’t speak, just watched Sanzo. Speaking right now would just make the priest more annoyed than usual.

The last time this had happened, Sanzo had chased Goku away, ensuring that he fell into Homura’s hands. Goku had been hurt by Sanzo’s anger and rejection, which Sanzo had more or less apologized for. Sanzo had said, “What I wanted wasn’t a servant,” and that the other things had been for Goku to figure out on his own.

He had.

Sanzo didn’t speak about his feelings because it hurt him, made him uncomfortable. He remained in himself, never opening himself up to be hurt. Goku didn’t ever want to hurt Sanzo, and wished Sanzo would know that, and maybe he did a little but not enough to stop his paranoia. So Goku had to learn what Sanzo really meant, behind the fan abuse and the yelling. Sometimes he got it wrong, but most of the time, he got it right.

Sanzo noticed that, too, so their relationship was starting to become more comfortable. They weren’t quite near where Gojyo and Hakkai were, but maybe someday they would be. Goku could wait for that.

“Sanzo?” he spoke after a time, when it became clear that the man wasn’t going to throw a tantrum over his continued presence.

“What?”

“One day, will you tell me why it bothers you?” Goku fidgeted, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I mean, I know there’s nothing I can do to help, that’s not what I’m saying. It’s just, I’d like to know. Hakkai knows.”

“Hakkai understands.”

“I can too! I know I’m dumb, but I can understand if you’d just explain it to me.” Goku shifted nervously when Sanzo didn’t respond immediately. “Not tonight, though. You don’t have to tell me tonight. Just… maybe, someday, do you think you could? ‘Cause I’d like to know.” Still, Sanzo said nothing, and Goku assumed he’d pushed too far. “Er, never mind. You don’t have to tell me…”

Sanzo had freed him, had heard him crying out when Goku hadn’t been making a sound, and had given him a world much, much brighter than the sun. Goku loved him and would do anything for him, if he only asked.

Sanzo turned to him, finally, and saw the wide, pleading look in Goku’s innocent eyes. The words came out before he could talk himself out of it. “It was raining when my master died.”

It was more than that now, of course. It was Rikudo and Goku’s limiter breaking. It was Goku being shot mysteriously, and Sanzo totally losing it, only to come to himself when the rain began to fall—returning only to discover he was too late; Seiten Taisei had been released, Hakkai had nearly killed himself in order to seal him again, and Gojyo had truly hated Sanzo for abandoning them. It was every terrible mistake that he couldn’t correct. But Koumyou was the monster’s head, so to speak.

Realization came to Goku. Oh. So it’s kinda like how I didn’t used to like the snow, right? Encouraged by Sanzo’s sudden openness, Goku inched closer to the blond. “I won’t ever leave you, Sanzo. I promise.”

Sanzo knew that, depended on it. He couldn’t ever have begun to trust Goku if he didn’t know, without a doubt, that Goku wouldn’t die. Recently that certainty had been shaken, but not broken. Goku was too stubborn to die before him.

He couldn’t have begun to love the monkey if he’d thought he would mourn him.

It was far too late to change him mind about that now, though.

He needed Goku.

“I know,” Sanzo confirmed.

Goku grinned and awkwardly put his arms around Sanzo’s neck, hugging the surprised man. It was a strange position, because Sanzo’s shoulder was poking his chest, but he was still content when Sanzo didn’t push him away. He stiffened, but eventually relaxed.

“I love you,” Goku said into Sanzo’s hair.

Sanzo smiled slightly, safe in the knowledge that Goku wouldn’t see it. “I know that too.” He reached up and gave Goku’s closest arm a quick, warm squeeze.

Flushing, Goku pulled back to press a kiss on Sanzo’s forehead, directly on the red chakra mark.

Sanzo gasped silently at the touch, and when he caught sight of Goku’s smiling lips, they suddenly became very fascinating.

The haunted look had left Sanzo’s gaze, which Goku saw as encouraging. Maybe tonight he could give Sanzo a good memory of a rainy night.

He inched closer, hoping the gesture wouldn’t be mistaken. It wasn’t—Sanzo hesitated another moment before pressing his lips against Goku’s. Goku smiled and kissed the monk back, tightening his embrace.

When they pulled away Sanzo let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes and willing himself not to think, to just feel. Goku rained reassuring kisses over his face. Sanzo couldn’t bring himself to feel irritated about the attention. He took hold of Goku’s chin and brought the boy’s lips back to his, feeling pleased with himself when Goku made an approving sound.

Confident enough to believe that Sanzo was ready, Goku readjusted so he was straddling the monk’s slim hips. Sanzo looked surprised but didn’t protest the abrupt change. He simply reached up and touched Goku’s lips gently, as if his smile was something awfully fascinating. Goku took the digit into his mouth and had a sudden sense of déjà vu, as Hakkai called it. Though he and Sanzo had never done this before, it all felt startlingly familiar.

He couldn’t help himself—Sanzo chuckled. The sight of Goku sucking on his finger like that was just so cute.

Goku beamed like nothing in the world could have made him happier than making Sanzo laugh. He removed the finger from his mouth and kissed Sanzo so enthusiastically that it surprised the priest. The sound of the rain pattering against the window suddenly seemed to grow distant when compared to the sound of their breathing.

He knew what this was leading to, of course, but his heart still quickened when Goku began tugging his robes open, mildly surprised that he could manage it without looking.

That familiar feeling still clung to Goku’s mind, even as he threw Sanzo’s priestly robes aside and struggled to remove the black undergarment, unable to find an opening or seam.

Once again amused, Sanzo caught his hands to still the monkey. “Why the rush?”

Goku flushed crimson. “Er, heh, sorry. Just, I really want to be with you, Sanzo…” He met violet eyes shyly after that statement.

Sanzo snorted and pushed Goku gently back onto the sheets before rising. Methodically, he began to remove his remaining attire.

Goku was so enthralled by every new piece of skin that was revealed he almost forgot about his own clothes. He nearly ripped up his jeans in his eagerness to get them off. When Sanzo moved to lie on top of him, he grinned widely, happy that the blond man was smirking back.

They explored each other slowly, thoroughly, not without some clumsiness or uncertainty. The rain continued on but it went unnoticed.

Long fingers smoothed over his torso and lightning struck outside the window—then, right then, Goku saw someone else above him, looking at him with that same fierce, feral look. A man he had only seen before briefly, in dreams, things he didn’t remember when he woke up—when his diadem was replaced!—a violet eyed man with long blond hair. Goku blinked again and the image was gone, to be replaced by reality—Sanzo writhing above him, in him, and that was much more interesting.

They collapsed onto the mattress together in a tangle of sweaty limbs and only then did he remember.

But who was that?

It was someone he knew, right? Was that why this felt familiar, because he’d done this with someone else before? Someone who wasn’t Sanzo. Suddenly, Goku felt very guilty, for forgetting the person and for betraying Sanzo (because that’s what it seemed like, a betrayal).

Still, it was someone important right?

It was…

It was…

Sanzo smoothed away the hair on his forehead, careful not to displace the boy’s limiter. “Goku? What is it? You’re too quiet, monkey.”

The images of the two men blurred in Goku’s mind, and then the name was there.

Konzen.

That was what Homura had called Sanzo, wasn’t it?

So that meant they were the same person, Konzen and Sanzo.

This immediately eased Goku, because even though it was really weird and didn’t make sense, he hadn’t betrayed Sanzo.

He beamed at the monk, shaking his head. “I’m okay.” Everything was okay.

Sanzo still looked unsure. “I didn’t hurt you?” It wasn’t like he’d ever done that before, though he’d had some crude reference from Gojyo (stupid bastard kappa). But, he’d gotten the strange feeling that Goku had seemed to know what to do.

Then again, he could have just imagined it. The whole thing had seemed… natural, however mysteriously.

Goku shook his head again. “Nope!”

Sanzo sighed and pulled the strangely acting monkey closer. “Now, sleep.”

Now that he thought about it, Goku was tired. He yawned widely and relaxed beside his Sanzo. “Okay.”

When he was sure the boy was asleep, Sanzo pressed a soft kiss to his brow. “Thank you.”

TBC.

Notes: I stick mainly with the manga, but I *do* like the Homura arc, so what I consider Saiyuki canon gets kinda meshed. Gunlock I’ll be disregarding altogether, though.