Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Perception of Strength ❯ Ashtray ( Chapter 7 )

Filler Chapter [chapter seven]: Ashtray

Notes: Just so there’s no confusion, this chapter is actually taking place post the Kami-sama arc (or the Reload anime if you’re more familiar with it).

A few months ago…

None of them had died before reaching the next town, surprisingly, but they did have to see a physician (Hakkai was rather stern about it, actually). The town’s apothecary was well stocked and they were seen to with a competent enough attention that Sanzo didn’t complain too much.

Gojyo would have complained, but he found himself far more interested in Hakkai.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have used a can as an ashtray.”

“Sorry.”

Was it really that simple? Hakkai didn’t seem angry now, but he had been, and normally people couldn’t tell—unless you knew him well enough to see past those polite smiles. Gojyo could.

It had been Hakkai’s idea that they stop sleeping together for the duration of the journey, but Gojyo had known even then that there was more to it. Hakkai had been uneasy about their relationship from the start. Kanan’s ghost was still too near. Gojyo hadn’t wanted to push, but he’d come home drunk one night and had made some stupid remark he couldn’t really remember—something about Hakkai being like his wife, always cleaning up his shit—and Hakkai had gotten pissed. After that, things had gotten complicated (and interesting, very interesting).

Though he complained about it still, he made sure to do it out of earshot. Guiltily, Gojyo realized it had blown up in his face this time; complaining about his companions. (True, while they weren’t exactly friends, they were… much more than that. Hakkai had his own peculiar beliefs on the subject which Gojyo didn’t agree with at all. The idea that all four of them were soul mates was just way too sappy, even if Hakkai didn’t mean it romantically.)

So, Hakkai was using the journey as an excuse to “get some space.” At first Gojyo had wondered if it was something he’d done (because he did start most of their fights, he was used to it), but no—it was the memories, it was Cho Gonou’s shadow, not anything he’d done.

He’d contemplated (momentarily) giving up on the frustrating man and going back to women. He’d even snuck off to a few brothels at night—even ones with men, if women proved a failure in holding his interest. He either came back frustrated and lonely, or empty and disgusted with himself—either way, it drew him to one conclusion.

He couldn’t give up on Hakkai because he was fucking in love with the selfish prick. Every dysfunctional, depressed, beautiful part of him—Gojyo loved him.

After the incident with Homura, Gojyo had meant to talk to him, but their journey continued and the opportunity just hadn’t come up. Now, Gojyo knew he had to—they could die any time, especially if their opponents kept growing stronger and stronger. Life was generally short anyhow. Gojyo was going to live in the moment and he was dragging Hakkai with him.

Sanzo had gotten them separate rooms, saying, “I’m tired at looking at your sorry faces.” After dark and the inn had gone quiet (except for the couple next to Gojyo’s room who were being rather loud), Gojyo knocked on Hakkai’s door.

“Come in,” said that familiar, breathy and pleasant voice, not sounding at all tired. Opening the door proved this—Hakkai, dressed in his sleep wear, sat up in bed, staring out the window with his hands resting on his drawn up knees. Hakkai turned to look at him and smiled.

Gojyo raised an eyebrow, shutting the door firmly behind him. “You were expecting company?” he asked, trying to keep the hopefulness out of his voice.

Hakkai’s smile became amused. “I thought you had something on your mind earlier.”

“I do.” He approached the bed and sat down beside his friend. “I love you,” he said, without further ado.

Hakkai blinked, not having expected that, or at least not that the declaration would be so abrupt. “I…” He paused to swallow. “I know.”

“And I want to know if you still feel the same, or if you were actually breaking up with me a year ago,” Gojyo said, an old bitterness creeping into his tone.

“I wasn’t breaking up with you,” was the brunet’s contemplative response. “I needed… time to think—and I truly thought it would be best for the mission.”

“Fuck it; I don’t give a damn about the mission. I want to be with you. I can’t stand this shit anymore.” It all came tumbling out, his frustration over the past months, with Hakkai and himself.

Hakkai smiled slightly. “To be honest, I hadn’t expected you to wait this long. I thought by now you would have given up on me…”

Gojyo snorted, wanting to sling his arm around Hakkai’s shoulders, but not yet feeling courageous enough to do so. “It’ll take more than that for that to happen.” Hakkai continued to smile at him and he shifted uncomfortably. “And, um, I wanted to apologize.”

“You already did,” Hakkai responded plainly. “Twice, if my recollection is correct.”

Gojyo was startled. “You knew. You knew and you let me go anyway.” He’d hated to do it, but Sanzo was set on leaving and Gojyo just couldn’t stand the thought of Kami-sama getting away with killing those two kids.

The brunet nodded, affirming his suspicion. “I hated myself for doing it. I even took my anger out on Sanzo.”

Gojyo smirked, not feeling at all sorry for the bastard monk. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Of course, he was taking his out on Goku.”

“Poor monkey.”

“He’s the one that talked Sanzo into going after you.”

“Sorry I missed that.”

“He hit him with a pillow.”

Gojyo threw back his head and laughed.

Hakkai giggled at the memory. “Dead in the face. It was hysterical.”

He had tears in his eyes, he was laughing so hard. The tension in the air evaporated all at once. The ready easiness that had been in their relationship since the beginning returned between them and everything was finally right with the world. Hakkai leaned into his side and Gojyo immediately curled his arm around his waist.

“Without you, we were lost,” Hakkai said after a moment, leaning his head on Gojyo’s shoulder. “I even talked to you when you weren’t there, once. It… wasn’t like before, when you’d go out with a woman—I always knew you’d come back. This was different. You didn’t just leave us, Gojyo. You left me. And I hated myself for letting you.”

Gojyo was glad the lamp was on, so he could see up close the green of Hakkai’s eyes, the barely contained sadness etched on his face. So that’s why he’s not pushing me away. I scared him.

Kanan had left him when she’d slit her own throat. Hakkai was afraid Gojyo had gone off to do the very same thing—leave him.

He tightened his hold on Hakkai, feeling even more ashamed than he had before. “Sorry,” he said again, lamely.

“Don’t be,” Hakkai said easily. Gojyo could hit him and Hakkai would probably forgive him, the self-punishing bastard. “Just, promise me that… that you won’t do it again.”

“Nah. I’ll drag your sorry ass with me next time.”

Hakkai laughed softly. “That’s good to know.” He sighed comfortably, a peaceful smile stretched across his lips. “I’ve missed this,” he added, brushing his nose against the redhead’s neck.

Gojyo tilted Hakkai’s face up to kiss him, and oddly it felt like they’d never stopped months ago. It just came so easily, not like their first explorative, hesitant kisses in the beginning. Not that he didn’t enjoy it all the same. He pushed Hakkai back until they were lying down side by side.

“If I wasn’t so sore, I’d tear off your clothes and have wild sex with you,” Gojyo told him, quite seriously.

Hakkai smiled, tiredness starting to creep around the edges of his eyes. “Just as well. I don’t have any lubricant right now.”

Gojyo chuckled. “We’ll have to fix that.” He pulled Hakkai close and, though he didn’t get to sleep right away, Hakkai did, which was surprisingly much more rewarding.

*

A few weeks later when the bank statement arrived, the three aspects were quite startled to see one particular item on the list.

When Kanzeon Bosatsu saw it, she laughed. Loudly. “Looks like the married couple is back together,” she remarked, which shocked the aspects even more.

In the background, Jiroshin hung his head in embarrassment.

TBC.