Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Gunlock Fan Fiction ❯ Enough is Enough ❯ Heaven's Tears ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: Nope I don't own Saiyuki… Warnings: None yet... (^_^)

 

Heaven's Tears

 

PitPatPitPatPitPat

 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

 

As I wait out the rain from underneath a tree, I noticed two teenagers, probably not older than me, sharing a small jacket and running through the rain. The smaller one with golden hair and big expressive purple eyes was laughing, tugging at his partner and obviously not bothered by the heavy downpour. The taller one with unruly chocolate brown tresses seemed annoyed and amused at the same time, yellow eyes stared through narrowed slits but the smile on his lips was unmistakable. The sight, as if painted by the gods to depress me more, brought out a new wave of painful aches in my chest but this time, no tears stung my eyes. I watched them until they were out of sight, probably to share a warm room with each other as company.

 

I felt numb from the cold, inside and outside. All I wanted to do right now is curl up and die, just to make the pain go away. There was no Hakkai to tell me to hold on to what I have, to let Sanzo know how much I really care for him. There was no Gojyo to replace my tears with laughter, no subliminal advises he made during card games. But what made me cold even more was the lack of warmth from my sun, from the keeper that taught me how to live, what it means to be alive. If he'd just be around to tell me that everything would be alright, these damn tears would stop falling, this stupid chest would stop aching.

 

Who can you turn to when the only person you can turn to is the reason for your tears, right Hakkai?

 

Hakkai told me those tear-drenched lines when he and Gojyo had a fight, a bloody one at that. I asked him if I could help and the only thing I received was a sad smile and that line. I didn't understand it back then. I watched him for a few moments and gave him my last meat bun. It was the only way I could tell him that it was going to be all right. He did seem to be touched by the gesture because he wiped his tears away and smiled. That night, I pulled Gojyo for a small talk and told him what Hakkai told me. The stupid cockroach only told me not to mess with him and Hakkai, but did say he was going to talk to the always gentle driver of the group.

 

I wish someone would do the same thing for me; someone would talk some sense into Sanzo and tell him to stop being such a bastard all the time and give the pissy attitude a rest. I should hit him with the harisen to make him know how painful it is to have someone you love beat you up.

 

I could still remember that day I laid dying in his arms, the day I tried to protect him. He told me he loved me. He really did but I guess when you just get bored and everything, when you smoke too much and sleep less, you start to forget the promises you make. I didn't forget that promise you know, even when he's tested me so many hateful times, even when I've always felt like leaving him, I didn't do it. Just this last time when I just couldn't take how he treated me. I maybe `unclean' and every crap they seem to be putting on my shoulders but I still have feelings, I'm still capable of getting hurt.

 

If I couldn't get hurt then I'll just take everything in stride right? I'll just smile whenever his harisen hits me on the head. I'll just laugh it off whenever we fight, whenever he stalks out of the room and sleeps on the living room. I'll just laugh it off like crazy if I didn't have a heart. If I didn't have a heart, I wouldn't fall in love with the quirky smiles or the soft purple eyes that would look at me. Shit, I wouldn't take notice of those small little things that Sanzo has.

 

I just hope he notices the small things about me and could at least appreciate them. I'm not expecting him to take everything and give me a pat on the head like a good dog. A small smile here and there whenever I do something he likes is all I'm asking. Or maybe he just couldn't give that much for me. I am a monkey after all.

 

It was then that I noticed that the rain had finally stopped but the sun had not broken through the gray clouds. I stood up sadly, trudging my feet on the muddy street to find a place to work. I didn't want to beg because I was afraid that Sanzo might comeback and decide otherwise on taking me in if he saw the state I was going through. I could work at a restaurant, wash dishes, bus tables, anything. I just had to survive. I keep on telling myself I have to survive, I have to survive. But do I really want to? Do I really want to live with this kind of longing in my heart?

 

Sanzo, why didn't you just turn around and reach out to me, the way you used to do?

 

Damn, I was starting to shake with hunger. I could feel my knees quivering from not eating for too long. But is food the only thing I'm craving for? Or is it something else? Was it appreciation? Maybe tenderness? Or perhaps affection? Maybe just a little love from the one I love the most.

 

But I guess that's asking too much right Sanzo? Just too fucking much.I

 

I could feel my eyes starting to water again. But this time, there was no rain to hide it.

 

Somewhere else…

 

Sanzo flicked away a half-smoked cigarette, irritated of the sudden stillness in the Jeep. Normally, he would have finished at least three rounds of bullets in order to shut those two morons from all the squabbling but now, all they did was sulk in silence. Even Hakkai did not say anything regarding the matter and that pissed him even more.

 

“The monkey boy doesn't deserve this,” Gojyo said slowly. “Not after all he's done for you.”

 

“Do you have a death wish?” Sanzo asked and cocked his spirit-ascending gun. The red-head shrug and met the monk eye to eye.

 

“Maybe Goku has one because I doubt if he'll live under such conditions,” came the reply.

 

“Gojyo has a point Sanzo,” came the second-the-motion statement of Hakkai. “Goku's not the type of person who can easily blend into people, disregarding the fact that he's a youkai. He just tends to shy away from people he doesn't trust.”

 

The word trust suddenly sent a stab of pain inside Sanzo and he frowned at the feeling but said nothing. He knew better than to start yapping about Goku in front of the psychologist youkai named Hakkai. He might be all smiley and happy all the time but sometimes his words and insights could ground your heart into dust.

 

“He's old enough to survive,” Sanzo grated out. “Quit nagging me about the monkey. We aren't going to go back for him when he left us on purpose.”

 

“You drove him away, Sanzo,” came Hakkai's gentle answer but the intent behind it was not gentle at all.

 

Does he have to be out rightly reminded of his faults?

 

“Even if he's old enough Sanzo, can anyone by any age be able to survive without the sun?”

 

Can anyone survive without the sun even if he was so powerful, even if he seemed indestructible?

 

To be Continued…