Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ A Question of Lust ❯ To Have And To Hold ( Chapter 5 )

Title: A Question Of Lust

 

Author: Traumatic BunnyRabbit

 

Warnings: This story is NC-17 rated because of violence, bad language and sex scenes. And most of all - it's yaoi (man and man pairing). So if you think it will mess up your mind, just don't read it.

 

Disclaimers: I don't own Saiyuki. But I own this piece. And that's something too!

I borrowed all the titles from my favorite Depeche Mode songs. I hope they won't sue me.

Aka and Inuki are mine however.

 

Summary: What you can do to find a piece of heaven in hell?

 

[originally posted: May 09, 2005]

 

 

5. To Have And To Hold

 

 

The cell was five steps wide and seven steps long. Gojyo had measured it perfectly during last few hours. He was pacing back and forward, unable to sit still more than few minutes. He was like that since they took Hakkai away.

 

The daylight, which was coming through small holes placed near the ceiling, started to fade away not so long ago. It was evening already. Hakkai was gone since late midday. Gojyo couldn't believe he was still able to think straight. He was worried sick. When the hell would Hakkai return? And in what shape? Or would he return at all? “God dammit!” Gojyo cursed aloud, fighting the urge to slam his fist into the wall. Perhaps pain would take away his other worries, but he might need both hands to defend himself effectively, since he wasn't able to summon his shakujou . That's why he only gritted his teeth and started pacing again.

 

They spent whole night rather peacefully. Gojyo woke up with Hakkai's head on his chest. There was something so intimate in that gesture that made him felt almost like home. Like they were again in his little house just outside the village, with fresh brewed coffee and a first morning cigarette. Yeah, a cigarette. He was just dying to get one right now, but it seemed like he just had to bare the withdrawal somehow.

 

Right after their awaking, they had their first visitor. It was the young youkai, one of Aka's assistants from the previous night. Gojyo couldn't help but to shout some rude words in his direction, but the boy looked like he didn't hear anything. He just put two steaming bowls and a pot filled with water through the bars and then walked away.

 

Gojyo was afraid that their meal can be drugged or even poisoned, but Hakkai said with small smile that it's rather impossible. Aka certainly wasn't such a fool to kill them in such `boring' way after taking all the effort to capture them. Gojyo really didn't like that conclusion, but Hakkai was right, in some way. So they ate that breakfast - plain rice with some fried vegetables, nothing special - and started killing time.

 

The dungeon was chilly and rather damp - just like every dungeon in the world was supposed to be. So they were just sitting on their so-called bed, with blankets over their bare shoulders, and talking. About everything at first, but after some time it was only about sex. Perhaps it wasn't the best topic, considering the fact they have become sex toys for some crazy prick, but from the other hand, when they were talking about it, everything started to be familiar and not so frightening any more.

 

So they were talking about sex in general, about Gojyo's adventures and Hakkai's lack of them. And even about possible sex life of one particular bitchy monk and what trouble they could face when certain little monkey will hit his puberty for real. Gojyo was rather surprised with his friend's attitude. He always avoided this kind of conversations with Hakkai for the brunette being so modest and almost prude, just like he was a monk - the real one, not Sanzo-like. But now they were just sitting, arm to arm, sharing the body heat and talking about some kinky stuff. And Hakkai didn't chuckle with embarrassment, didn't blush, didn't get nervous at all! He was as calm and easy as they've been talking about the weather. In fact it was Gojyo, who finally blushed and became nervous.

 

***

 

“So, I understand that, in fact, sex with a man is not much different than with a woman?” asked Gojyo, looking at the brunette curiously. “I never said that,” Hakkai shook his head slightly. “It is different, because it's with a man. But from the other hand, yes, you're right. Sex is just sex.”

 

“No way! It's not that simple, `Kai. It really depends on who you are sleeping with,” Gojyo turned to face his friend, his blanket slipping from his shoulders. “Certainly, Gojyo,” the brunette smiled at him like he probably would smile to particularly stubborn and not too smart student. “It depends on the person, but not that person's gender.”

 

“Yeah, I bet you know what you're talking about,” the redhead shrugged carelessly. “It's really hard for me to say, but you're more experienced in that matter than me.”

 

“But you have a natural talent,” Hakkai half closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. “I mean, you did seem to know exactly what to do back then.”

 

That was when Gojyo felt little nervous for the first time. “You mean, the night we…” Hakkai only smiled wider, and it wasn't that polite and distant smile of his. “Well, I told you, there are only few things I haven't done to all those women,” Gojyo tried his own sexy smirk. “Women have an anus as well, you know? I'm quite familiar with back-door style.”

 

“That's not what I'm talking about,” Hakkai's smile didn't change a bit. “There are some things you actually can't do to any woman.”

 

Now Gojyo was feeling more than little nervous. “Blow job?” he shrugged again, in spite of sudden hot feeling on his cheeks. “Big deal! I was on receiving end so many times that… I just can tell what man likes! And… I mean… Oh, get off me, will you?!” he grabbed his blanket and wrapped it tightly around himself, feeling stupid with racing heart and burning face.

 

“It's all right, Gojyo,” suddenly Hakkai was close to him, his hand on Gojyo's arm, his eyes full of something warm but his lips twitching, just like he was trying not to laugh. “I was just teasing you. I'm sorry. I really meant what I had said. You know, about this natural talent.”

 

“Teasing?” Gojyo felt almost amused. “Really, I've never expected you to tease anyone! Go ahead, laugh. You deserve that little bit of joy.” And they both began to chuckle and giggled like mad, finally forgetting about all that was wrong. At least for a while.

 

***

 

The room was big and really well furnished. Everything here looked stylish - comfortable armchairs, wooden bookcases full of big fat volumes, even wallpapers and curtains. And of course, there were those three big windows, which were making whole room filled with bright and warm sunlight. At first Hakkai had to close his eyes because of it. He came here right from the gloomy dungeon so this sudden light almost blinded him. But it was some time ago. Now he was able to see everything without problems, except, that without his monocle he had to narrow his eyes if he wanted to see far details. But that wasn't his biggest concern right now.

 

The biggest concern was sitting on the opposite side of the room, at the huge mahogany desk, and was writing something in small notepad using old-fashioned quill. It seemed like he wasn't even aware of Hakkai's presence, but the brunette knew it's just a pose. Aka just wanted him to get nervous, but Hakkai wouldn't give him that satisfaction. He was just sitting on his heels on the floor, right where his guards made him, and watching carefully his surroundings. It wasn't the most comfortable position; his legs started to go slightly numb, as well as his arms, twisted and cuffed behind his back, but he remained still. He really was the patient one.

 

Somehow he was glad that he appeared to be Aka's `favorite'. He was sure that he could endure some more of that sick attention while Gojyo would probably fall into pieces rather quickly. The redhead has only just begun to discover the other side of his sexuality - he hardly was able to accept the fact that his sexuality had any other sides. He was an easy target for teasing and taunting. Hakkai almost smiled as he recalled the redhead's face when they were talking about his bed skills. It only took few right words and smiles to put him in really miserable state. Hakkai only wished he had more time to prepare Gojyo for another Aka's assault, to make him more self-confident somehow.

 

He managed to get them distracted and little relaxed, just by talking, but of course the next moment came the guards - two big, unpleasant demons, led by this delicate youth, the same who brought them food. Surprisingly they all were armed with guns and they looked like they really knew how to use them. That was the first time Hakkai thought that their capturer may not be just sorcerer, but something even worse. Magic was terrifying, but hey, they were all magical creatures in some way, being demons and using strange powers. But Aka was a human. Hakkai has never heard about other human sorcerers than those blasphemous bastards, combining magic with science. So it was rather clear - Aka was one of them.

 

The young demon had big, golden ring on his finger. He touched the iron bars of their cage with it and they bent, just like under Aka's hands last night. Then one of the armed youkais ordered Hakkai to get out and Gojyo not to try anything. Of course Gojyo did try. He wouldn't be himself if he didn't. But the same moment he reached his hand to summon his weapon, he yelled in pain, clutching at his arm, just like it's been burned or something. The demons only laughed at him, obviously knowing he would do something like that - and would fail. Apparently it wasn't the first time they saw that kind of a show. Whoever this Aka was, he took care of everything, his own safety in the first place. That was a nice way to remind them, that they are really helpless and completely on his mercy.

 

That's why Hakkai told Gojyo to stop and came out from the cell without any struggling. He let them twist his arms behind his back and cuffed them with tight metal rings; he didn't even twitch, although the one who supposed to tie him up was groping him shamelessly during the process. This assault was probably nothing to compare with anything Aka had planned for him. Hakkai was using all his will to keep his imagination on a short leash as they were leading him through long corridors and narrow stairs of this place that looked more and more like some sort of a castle. And finally they reached this room, with rich furniture and silent Aka. Hakkai was sure he was sitting on this plushy carpet for more than half an hour already. This black bastard was really good at breaking people.

 

“I think I should reward you for being so quiet and not disturbing while I'm busy,” Aka's voice caught the brunette by surprise. He lifted his gaze to see the dark man putting down the quill and watching him with a smile. “I brought you here to have a little chat. You know, we have to know each other better,” he said, as he stood up and stretched his limbs lazily. He wasn't wearing this monk-like robe any more; now he was dressed rather casually, in long-sleeved shirt and lose slacks. Black, of course.

 

“Inuki, go and feed the other puppy,” he ordered the young demon. “Then come back here and wait at the door. You will take Green-eyed back when I finish with him.” Hakkai heard soft steps and quiet sound of closing door right behind his back. The same time Aka moved towards him and sat in the nearby overstuffed armchair. Without any visible command, the guards grabbed Hakkai and shoved him forward. Somehow, he managed not to fall down and was now kneeling just in front of the sorcerer, who was looking down at him with almost gentle smile. “Make yourself comfortable,” he said, crossing his legs and relaxing his body over the back of a chair. “This will take a while, because I'm extremely curious about you.”

 

Hakkai did try to make himself comfortable, with as few moves as possible. He refused to look straight at the man but he didn't want to keep his eyes low like some slave, so he simply settled his gaze somewhere over Aka's shoulder. “Did you and Red sleep well?” Aka's voice was so polite. “I hope so. And I hope you're not in pain anymore. Your skin looks good, don't you think?” Hakkai couldn't help but to shrug lightly. He knew exactly that his skin was in a mess. Most of the marks were gone, but there were still nice bunch of ugly purple bruises all over his chest and stomach. But of course, maybe for that guy it was looking good.

 

“You weren't born youkai, were you?” came another question. The brunette wondered for a few seconds, how exactly Aka was able to tell, but then the man's voice drew his attention and this time there wasn't any hint of smiling in it. “You were asked a question, pet. And you are suppose to answer it quickly. So? Were you born youkai?”

 

“No, I wasn't,” Hakkai managed to sound plain and steady, though he wasn't sure how much long he could pretend this whole story has no effects on him. “So, that legend is true,” Aka mused aloud. “You really did kill thousand youkais with your own hands. How old are you? Twenty? Twenty one?”

 

“Twenty two.”

 

“And how long have you been a demon?”

 

“Over three years.”

 

“So you had killed thousand demons by the time you ended nineteen? Certainly, there's more in you than meets the eye,” Aka seemed to be truly amazed. Hakkai could feel this cold black eyes looking at him in new way, with some kind of mocking respect. “Do you mind telling me what was the reason you had become a mass murderer?”

 

“Yes, in fact I do mind,” the brunette couldn't keep his gaze away anymore. He turned and looked straight into those insolent eyes. “With all the respect, it's not your business.”

 

“Oh, you're wrong, Green-eyed. It is my business,” Aka's eyes narrowed dangerously. “You really should stop being rude and start to answer my questions properly. Otherwise life will become extremely hard for you.”

 

Hakkai endured that stony gaze easily. He had good practice enduring Sanzo's death glares and that one wasn't slightly worse than anything the blonde monk could favor him with. A silent voice in the back of his mind was trying to tell him that he's playing with fire, that he shouldn't talk back to that man, not in such a tone anyway, but Hakkai ignored it. He felt strangely excited about getting on Aka's nerves. It wasn't like he had anything to lose anyway, had he?

 

“I gave you an answer. If you don't like it then I'm sorry, but that's the only one I have for you,” said Hakkai. He felt almost funny, just like some knight in an old fairytale, but again, if he was supposed to be a dog at least he could bark a little. To his great surprise, Aka didn't get mad again. He just chuckled and leaned in brunette's direction. “You know, it's really amazing,” he said. “You're on your knees, just like a mere slave but still you're able to look at me and talk to me like you were equal. You even dare to provoke me. It's so sweet.”

 

Hakkai frowned his brow in slight disbelief. He really didn't expect such words, and certainly didn't expect Aka to smile in almost warm and cozy way. “I really didn't think you can be so suicidal,” Aka's smile widen for a moment. “But I have to disappoint you, Green-eyed. I'm not going to kill you because of your big mouth. Of course I'm sure you are aware that I can do to you something worse than that.”

 

Aka suddenly stood up from his seat and came close to Hakkai. Now the brunette could see dark man's face from very strange angle. Black eyes were peering down at him like two black holes and this smile, which seemed almost warm not so long ago, was now almost creepy. “I could tell my dogs to take you to my bedroom,” he said, his voice soft and gentle. “I could order them to tie you up to the bed, or just hold you still, while I would be using you in every way I'd like. Or I could let them use you. Do you know how perverted they are? Would you like to find out?”

 

“You won't scare me this way,” said Hakkai, surprised a little as he indeed didn't sound scared. “My body is used to the pain.”

 

“Oh, is it?” Aka reached his hand and gently brushed some dark strands off of Hakkai's forehead. The brunette only gritted his teeth, trying to hold himself still under this awful touch. “Well, we'll see. But now I'd really like you to tell me something about that scar of yours. Who did that to you?”

 

Hakkai fought the urge to jerk his head away from that cold, snake-like touch. Inside of him repulsion was fighting with anger; he would sink his teeth into that pale skin if he wasn't afraid he'll throw up his whole stomach after tasting Aka's blood. Yeah, he couldn't bite but he could bark a little more. “I did it,” he said, his voice somehow still cold and steady. “I had ripped my own flesh and torn my guts out because I wanted myself to be the last demon I killed.”

 

He caught him by surprise. Obviously Aka didn't expect such an answer. Black eyes widened a little and the false smile vanished away. “You really are suicidal, Green-eyed,” the man was studying his face carefully, searching it for a slightest hint of lying. But of course he couldn't find one. Take this, you bastard, thought Hakkai. “It's not because of being suicidal,” he said, feeling light grin crawling upon his lips. “I was just determined to do what I had planned. I always am. Just give me a good reason and you will see for yourself.”

 

Maybe Aka understood more of that sentence that he was suppose to, maybe it was just Hakkai's smile that finally got on his nerve, anyway the brunette saw sudden flash of anger on sorcerer's face as the caressing hand flew away only to slap hard in brunette's cheek. “I see we won't get anywhere this way,” the dark man hissed through his teeth as he straightened his body. “Well, let us try something different,” he said looking past Hakkai's shoulder. “Strip him, boys. We shall have some fun.”

 

***

 

Hakkai was back shortly after it got dark. Some of the bricks in the wall just started to glow with dim, golden light and Gojyo was pacing again, when he finally heard sound of opening door. He leapt to the bars only to see the same youngster and two burly demons as before. And Hakkai walking between them, unharmed and still in one piece.

 

“Get away from the bars, mongrel,” snarled one of the demons pointing a gun at him. Gojyo slowly backed away, looking at silent Hakkai. The brunette looked so small and weak somehow and Gojyo didn't want to upset him more, so he just watched silently as the other youkai uncuffed the brunette's hands, while this young one created the entrance to the cell. “Have a good night, doggies,” the demon shoved Hakkai inside with unpleasant grin. The brunette wobbled dangerously but Gojyo made to catch him before he had a chance to fall down.

 

“Are you ok?” the redhead held his friend firmly until he felt Hakkai standing on his own again. “I'm fine, just tired,” came the quiet answer. “So let's have a sit, all right?” said Gojyo, steering them towards their bed. Hakkai sat down heavily and drew his legs close to his chest. “Wanna eat something?” asked Gojyo as he put one of the blankets over Hakkai's shoulders. “This kid brought us dinner some time ago. It's already cold, but--”

 

“No, thank you,” the brunette curled himself a little more, catching the edges of the blanked and wrapping it tight around himself. “I'm not really hungry right now.” Gojyo frowned with concern. He almost lost his mind waiting for so long, and now, when he was about to sigh with relief, he noticed that not everything was all right. Hakkai wasn't all right at all. He looked pale and sick, he was avoiding eye contact - he wasn't even looking in Gojyo's direction. Something was very, very wrong. “You were there for ages,” the redhead started carefully, as he sat next to his friend. “What was he doing with you?”

 

“Nothing much,” Hakkai smiled a little, but it was a weak smile. “Talking, mostly. He asked me some questions about my past and how I became a demon. He also tried to threaten me, saying what he would do to us. Really, nothing more than usual villain's lines.”

 

The redhead smirked at that remark, but then he saw his friend is trembling a little under his covers. “Are you cold, `Kai?” he asked and shoved himself closer, putting another blanket over both of them. “I'm quite warm so you can use me as a heater.” The brunette leaned reluctantly over Gojyo's bare chest, his body stiff and tensed. “Not like that, closer. Skin on skin is more effective,” said Gojyo and yanked the blanket from Hakkai's fingers. The other gasped in surprise and reached his hand forward. That's when Gojyo saw it.

 

Hakkai's wrists were bruised, just like his own, because of them being tied up to the wall not so long ago. But Hakkai also had some more injuries. Nothing serious, just slightly damaged tissue, some small abrasions with a little bit of smeared blood. “That's not from yesterday, is it?” asked Gojyo, catching his friend's hand. “It's fresh. You were struggling against those cuffs again.” Hakkai didn't say anything. He tried to take his hand away, but Gojyo didn't loose his grip. “What did he do to you?” he asked quietly. “Tell me, please. Did he… hurt you? Did he…”

 

“No,” Hakkai's voice was calm and plain, but his body was trembling a little more than before. “He just… wanted to humiliate me. He told them to strip me and hold me still while he was… looking at me. And touching. But that's all. It's really nothing, it's--”

 

“I kill that son of a bitch,” said Gojyo firmly, closing his friend in tight embrace. The brunette tried to backed away, but Gojyo didn't let him to. “I kill him, that's a promise,” he whispered right into soft dark hair. “I don't know how and when, but I will. I promise.”

 

They were sitting like that for a long while, close to each other, sharing the body heat, the sorrow and the silence. Gojyo kept himself quiet, although he wanted to scream, shout, and swear. He felt so fucking small and helpless, without any weapon or, at least, an enemy within his sight. Now the only thing he could do was to sit here and keep Hakkai warm. It was only physical comfort, but Gojyo didn't think he'd be able to tell him some bullshit, like `everything will be all right' kind of thing. `Cause it wouldn't be all right, they both knew it.

 

So he was just sitting still, with this dark head tucked safely under his chin, as his hands were stroking inattentively the tensed muscles of Hakkai's back. He was so deep in his own thoughts that he missed the moment, when his friend slowly started to relax under his touch. What brought Gojyo back was hot breath, tickling his throat. Hakkai wasn't turning his head away anymore, now he was burying his face in the crook of Gojyo's shoulder while his hands started to travel lightly over redhead's chest, cold fingertips drawing shaky lines along his muscles.

 

That felt good. Cool and gentle touch, hot breath and light, featherlike kisses on his skin, so soft and tender that felt almost like a dream. He was sure that he could close his eyes and stay like this forever, snuggling into the warmth of the covers and this slender body curled next to him. He tried to stop thinking, to let go all of his worries and fears and focus only on Hakkai's hands and lips, and he almost managed when sudden wave of pure, hot desire snapped him from this quiet oblivion. No, it shouldn't be like that. He shouldn't feel it right now, not after all that had happened. Hakkai's kisses and caresses are so innocent, and he can't behave like this sick Aka. He just--

 

Long, slender fingers landed gracefully on the front of his pants, squeezing lightly semi-hard flesh. “What… No, don't…” Gojyo tried to jerk away, but he was hopelessly tangled between the blankets and Hakkai's body. “Why?” asked the brunette quietly, not removing his hand, but keeping it still, right where he put it a while ago.

 

“It's… It just doesn't feel right,” Gojyo tried to sound reasonable, but he could hardly focus on his own words. He's been dreaming of this moment for quite a while, wondering how it would be to feel it again, this time being fully conscious and sober. How it would be to feel Hakkai touching him in sexual way. And it was great, so fucking great, but the same time it was almost disgusting.

 

“We can make it right,” Hakkai kissed him again and squeezed his hand lightly. “I know we can. Just let me… I just want to make sure it still can be good, and gentle, and pure. Please…” His voice was so shy, almost broken and Gojyo felt, that if he turned him down right now he would hurt him more that Aka ever will be able.

 

Gojyo slowly lowered his head, planting little kisses on his friend's face until he reached his lips. They were exactly as he remembered, soft and sweet, and the kiss they started as tender and full of affection soon became desperate with barely tamed desire. Gojyo lost himself in that sensation for a long moment; he let Hakkai push him slowly down on the blankets, he let him do all the work. Somehow, he felt that is exactly what Hakkai wants - to feel that he can be in charge of the events, that his body belongs to him and so he can give it to anybody he wants and in every way that he wants.

 

Maybe it is a little selfish, thought Gojyo, as Hakkai left him breathless only to start caressing his ears and neck, nudging playfully at his silver choker. It was selfish, definitely, because Gojyo still felt confused and little unsure about all this. He was making out with a man. He was enjoying it but still, there was a dark shade of all those stereotypes and prejudices, and most of all, of damned Aka's abuses. So he gratefully welcomed his friend's bold actions and allowed himself just to go along.

 

And Hakkai really knew what to do. Gojyo was getting more excited with every single kiss and touch. He hardly ever was able to relax with somebody on top of him, but it was Hakkai, and with that, everything was more than all right. The brunette was moving slightly forward and back, brushing himself all over Gojyo's exposed skin, while his hips were grinding against Gojyo's erection with graceful, round moves, so agonizingly slow and light. The redhead caught Hakkai's ass in hard grasp, trying to make him move faster or harder, but his friend only smiled against his neck and pushed his hand between their bodies, starting to unbutton Gojyo's pants.

 

Soon they were both naked and again Hakkai was the one to kiss and caress, and Gojyo could only arch his body towards those skillful hands and lips. Experienced hands and lips. The redhead smiled a little at the thought of his supposed-to-be shy and prude friend, who apparently had learned something in his life that didn't come from books. But who knows, maybe he has that kind of books too, thought Gojyo, as Hakkai's head started to travel down, lower and lower, kissing and licking slowly and gently, but avoiding this one particular part of his body, that was twitching almost painfully in anticipation.

 

So first there was a hand that grabbed on his erection and started stroking it gently and before Gojyo could do something more than to gasp, there came lips. Gojyo stopped breathing for a long painful moment, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lips, as wet, hot tongue brushed all over his head, once, and then again, before Hakkai took him in completely. The redhead forced himself to open his eyes. He wanted to see. And as he saw, he almost cried out at the sight of dark head bobbing over his crotch.

 

“Oh gods, `Kai…” he managed to whisper. He wanted to tell him that he's great, just fucking marvelous, but then he saw Hakkai's eyes, looking at him carefully, while brunette's lips were still moving up and down his length, and his tongue teasing this sensitive spot, just under the head. That was way too much and Gojyo just gritted his teeth to stifle a loud moan. He needed to control himself, otherwise he knew he would end everything pretty soon. And looking at Hakkai wasn't helping him at all. The brunette looked so sexy with his dick in his mouth, and he knew exactly what to do to make Gojyo whine and writhe like he was receiving his first blow job ever.

 

Yes, Hakkai definitely knew how to do it. He was keeping Gojyo almost on the edge but never allowing him to go too far. He knew when to stop, when to squeeze him hard enough to delay climax. That was heaven and hell at the same time, but Gojyo didn't want it to stop. Never. So he almost cried out with sorrow when Hakkai stopped his caresses, leaving his cock dripping wet, cold and lonely.

 

“What's wrong, `Kai?” Gojyo asked breathlessly, but Hakkai didn't answer. He just grabbed his hand and made him sit, and then crushed his lips with bruising kiss. The redhead tasted himself in his lover's mouth. That was strange taste, salty and sharp, and so arousing that he almost lost himself. Hakkai tried to brake free but he didn't let him, sinking both his hands in dark strands and grabbing them in hard, almost painful way. He was devouring those tasty lips fast, exploring them inch by inch, back and forward, and then again, and again.

 

“Gojyo, stop,” Hakkai finally managed to free himself. Gojyo came back to his senses, suddenly scared that he hurt his friend somehow, but he didn't find any sign of pain in those dark green eyes. Instead he could see only pure, hot desire. Hakkai was breathing hard and trembling all over when he slowly moved away. “I want you,” he whispered in low voice. “I want you in me. Now.”

 

The redhead gasped as he saw Hakkai turning around and laying slowly on his stomach. He bent one leg and exposed his ass in a way that made Gojyo moan in anticipation. He reached his hands and squeezed lightly the perfection of those creamy globes. He wanted nothing more than to bury himself in this tight heat, but in the same time, he didn't want to hurt his lover. “Shouldn't I… prepare you first?” he asked, his fingers brushing over hidden entrance. “No, you don't have to,” Hakkai's voice was trembling a little, but in the same time he pushed himself against Gojyo's fingers with very inviting move. “Please, Gojyo… take me. Please…”

 

But Gojyo froze still. There was something more in that pose and in Hakkai's pleading voice, something that kept him from claiming this body right there and then. Hakkai was offering himself with some kind of sad desperation and suddenly Gojyo remembered why they had started to do it. They both wanted some comfort, they wanted to feel safe and secure, they wanted to share some affection in order to banish all that was wrong. And Gojyo was sure they can't achieve it by simple fucking. “No, `Kai,” he said as he reached and gently turned his friend around. “Not like that.”

 

Hakkai let out a small moan and looked at Gojyo with surprised expression. “I just want to see your face,” said Gojyo, nudging his legs apart and slowly placing himself between them. He leaned down to claim Hakkai's lips once again while his hand traveled slowly down brunette's body, caressing his bruised chest and scared belly, and finally reaching smooth inside of his thigh. “Just relax,” he whispered as he lifted Hakkai's leg and placed himself against his opening. He took deep breath and pushed forward, burying his head inside. Hakkai gasped, squeezing his eyes shut and his body tensed for a moment, before he wrapped his other leg around Gojyo's hips and urged him to continue.

 

It was almost too much for him to bear. The sight of Hakkai's flushing face, the warmth of his body, the way his muscles clenched around Gojyo's cock brought him to the edge once again. He felt like he was able to come at that very moment, even without a single move. So he just closed his eyes and tried to focus on not ending - and not slamming into this tight heat with one thrust either. He began to move slowly, pulling himself out a little bit only to push back again, every time sinking in a little further. He was trying his best not to hear Hakkai's quiet moans, not to feel his body arching against his chest and only when he felt he's completely inside he dared to open his eyes and look again.

 

He met Hakkai's green gaze, hot and wanting, with only slight hints of pain. He became aware of Hakkai's hands around his neck and in his hair. And his smile. `Cause Hakkai was smiling. “Don't treat me like a virgin, Gojyo,” he said through his ragged breath, rocking his hips a little. “Last time you weren't so tentative and shy, you know?”

 

“Are you complaining?” the redhead took the challenge immediately. He smiled back and pulled himself halfway out before he thrust back, making his lover moan even louder than before. He repeated that action again and again, still looking in Hakkai's darkened eyes. He slowly leaned down to kiss those lovely lips and he groaned at the feeling of throbbing erection pressed into his own belly. Suddenly it felt so sexy to brush himself over that hard piece of someone else's body, and that feeling just overwhelmed him. Suddenly he wanted to stimulate his lover this way with every thrust he made and he wanted to be sure he wouldn't lose that close contact, so he just shifted his position a little.

 

And it appeared that little was enough. His next thrust almost made Hakkai choke with his own breath. He dug his nails painfully into Gojyo's skin and made him frozen with fear that he had just hurt his friend again. But before he managed to ask if everything was all right, Hakkai exhaled slowly and loosen his grip on Gojyo's neck. “Again,” he whispered huskily. “Do that again… right there…” So Gojyo did, and this time the brunette almost screamed as his whole body arched and his inner muscles clenched spasmodically.

 

The redhead had no idea what he just did, but whatever it was, it surely had sent Hakkai almost over the edge. But it really wasn't like Gojyo had time - or desire - to think about it. He couldn't think at all anymore as he finally lost himself, thrusting hard and fast, kissing and licking and biting that salty, silky flesh, feeding himself with every shaky breath and quiet moan, desperately seeking for release but the same time wishing it would never come. But it came, like a sudden flash of bright light, and it made him blind and deaf and blissfully oblivious of anything besides his own delight.

 

He came back from that private heaven only moment later, and found himself wrapped tight around Hakkai's slender body. He could feel gentle fingers tossing through his tangled hair, he could hear short, ragged breaths, he could smell heavy and musky scent of semen, Hakkai's semen, which was covering his own belly with hot, sticky streams. “That was great, `Kai,” he whispered right into his lover's throat. “Just fucking amazing.” He heard a small chuckle and received a playful poke on the side of his head. “Yes, it was amazing,” in spite of his hard breathing Hakkai's voice was calm and soft as ever. “You were amazing, Gojyo.”

 

“And now I should move and clean this mess, right?” asked the redhead as he nuzzled brunette's neck lazily, feeling coldness of that damn piece of jewelry and finding it surprisingly soothing. “Yes, you should,” answered Hakkai, wrapping his arms around him even more tightly than before. It was so good just to lie like that, feeling the warmth of his body, tangy smell of his skin and his steady heartbeat. He was in heaven, their own private heaven, where nobody could reach them and try to threaten them or hurt them in any way. “I'm so happy,” he whispered kissing this sweated, salty skin. “So happy that you're mine.”

 

“I'm yours, Gojyo,” Hakkai breathed right into his hair, his voice still soft, but the redhead felt like his body is tensing a little. “What's wrong, `Kai?” he asked, shifting himself in order to look at him. Hakkai's face was still slightly flushed, his eyes still clouded and dreamy, but his smile was somehow sad, almost desperate. “Will you promise me something, Gojyo?” he asked. “Anything,” answered Gojyo, as he tenderly brushed some sweaty strands off of Hakkai's forehead. “I'll do anything for you.”

 

“So don't die on me,” the brunette caught his wrist and pull his fingers close to his lips. “Don't die on me,” he repeated, kissing them softly. “Whatever will happen to us, you have to live. Can you promise me that?”

 

Gojyo felt his heart is clenching painfully. What was that suppose to mean, he thought studying Hakkai's face, searching for some clue, but he only found strange mix of sadness and happiness, and lots of tender affection that he couldn't name. So he just smiled in spite of that dreadful feeling and said quietly: “All right, `Kai. I promise.”

 

***

 

To be continued

 

 

Aw, that was hard. Now I know what `writer's block' means. Please, never again!

 

If anybody thinks Hakkai is little out of character here, then, well… sorry, but it's just how I see him in that kind of situation. I think he's exactly like that somewhere deep inside, and besides, I find bold Hakkai even more sexy than the shy one. And what do you think?

 

Anyway, I've planned more OOC-ness in the next chapter - it's Gojyo's turn this time. But I really have no idea when I'll be able to type it (and upload). I'm moving to UK in a few days but without my computer. So it will take me three or even four weeks to get a new one, and - what is even more important - I probably won't have so much time to write anyway. You know, new life, new job, making out with my husband (at last! XD) and other funny stuff. So I really don't know when you get the next chapter. But you will, definitely.

 

If anybody likes to share an opinion, this is my question: should Sanzo do something about rescuing them (I mean, should *I* write about it) or should the boys take care of themselves? And what would you do to me if I killed one of them? You know, without any miracles and revivals, just good un-happy end. Any flames? ^__^ Review or mail me on eiree@poczta.onet.pl, pleeeeease!

 

And last but not least - guanyin-kun, you're soooo right - my grammar sucks and my dyslexia doesn't help either ;) But did I get it right? You want to be my beta??? If yes, just mail me! If no, mail me anyway. ^__^

 

(soon very British) Traumatic BunnyR :3