Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Counterfeit Life ❯ Chapter 11 ( Chapter 12 )

Warning: This story is NC-17 because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

 

This story will also contain YAOI… MAN-ON-MAN SEX… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

 

Sidenotes: This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

 

Also: This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

 

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

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Chapter 11: Soul In Film

Gojyo's POV…

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Gojyo sat on his black couch, wearing nothing but a pair of Sanzo's pajama bottoms. Pajama bottoms that he'd bought for him, and he'd never worn. But they were comfortable, so Gojyo figured, at least someone was getting use out of them. He stared at the blank TV screen, and ran his fingers through his hair in annoyance. He'd been awake for almost 48 hours, and he really just wanted to sleep, but he wouldn't be allowed that luxury for a few more hours.

 

Tan fingers stroked the velvety fabric of the couch, and he smiled. He'd loved this couch since the first time he sat on it. When Sanzo had started renting this apartment for him, he'd insisted on taking this couch. Sanzo had put up a fight, but in the end he'd given up his couch for his love. Not that it mattered much anyway… Gojyo reminded himself… He moved in with Mei a few months later… They probably would have just thrown it away…

 

Gojyo pushed himself from the couch, grabbed a quick shower, and threw on a pair of tattered old blue jeans, and a navy blue t-shirt, that was two sizes too big. He made the bed, and slid his palms across the expensive sheets, to remove any folds in the fabric. He puttered around the apartment, and found himself in the kitchen. He washed the dishes, dried them, and put everything back in its proper place.

 

He went into his bedroom to grab his jacket, and on the way out, a black velvet box on his dresser caught his attention. He opened it, and pulled out a silver band. My Heart My Life My Soul… Gojyo shook as he read the engraving on the ring. It had been a gift from Sanzo. A promise ring of all things. A gift that was supposed to ensure him that Sanzo would love him and no other… forever.

 

Should I… Deciding against it, he slipped the band back into the box, and returned it to its place on the dresser. He hadn't worn it in months, so why start today? He grabbed his leather jacket from the door handle, and moved into the living room. He pulled the camcorder from the mahogany cabinet, and attached it to the DVD player. He pointed it towards his face, and checked the screen to make sure it was working.

 

When he saw himself on screen, he was shocked by what he saw. His hair was messier then he liked to wear it, his skin was paler than usual, and he had deep circles under his eyes. He grabbed the cordless phone and dialed. “Hello?” a sleepy voice muttered.

 

Gojyo looked at his watch and realized it was only eight o'clock in the morning. He felt like a bastard for bothering his friend, at such an ungodly hour, but it was a necessary evil. He had somewhere to be. “Kai…”

 

“Gojyo? You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought you said eleven?” Hakkai mumbled with a yawn.

“I did… but…”

“You're ready now?”

“I will be in a little while. Give me like fifteen minutes, and I'll be over.”

“Alright. Hey, Gojyo…”

“I'll see you in a bit,” he said swiftly, cutting off his friend.

 

He hung up the phone, picked up the camcorder, pressed record, and placed it on top of the DVD player. He checked the placement one more time, and sat down on the coffee table. Sometimes it took more then a mere conversation to get your point across, and Gojyo hoped this would work.

 

He looked at the lens, and spoke, pouring every ounce of his heart out into the open. Keeping things inside had only served to hurt him, so this time, he would leave it all on the table, and let Sanzo sort it out. There really wasn't much else he could do.

 

When he was finished he stood up, slipped on his jacket, pressed a kiss to his fingertips, and touched his fingers to the lens. He walked out the door, and slid it closed behind him. By the time he reached Hakkai's, the door was already opening to let him in.

 

“Yo,” Hakkai said with a grin.

Gojyo walked in, and caught a half naked form sitting at the kitchen table, “So you did get lucky!”

“Gojyo!” Hakkai shrieked, his cheeks turning pink in his embarrassment.

 

Gojyo took a closer look, and his heart almost flew out of his chest. His eyes… so strange… Just like…

 

“Homura?” Hakkai called, and the man looked up. “I have to take Gojyo up to 178th. I'll be back in a couple of hours. You're welcome to hang around, as long as you like. When you leave, just lock the door. Okay?”

 

The brunette shifted in his seat, before he stood up, and moved over to Hakkai. Placing his hands on Hakkai's hips, he pulled them together, and graced him with a passionate kiss. “I was hoping I could hang around until you came back…” he said.

 

He even moves like Sanzo…

 

“Sounds good,” Hakkai said breathlessly. “I'll see you in a few hours.”

“Can't wait,” the brunette growled seductively, and Hakkai blushed again.

 

Gojyo watched the scene play out before him with both delight and jealousy. He was happy for his friend, but he knew he would never have that kind of relationship with Sanzo. It made the green eyed monster rear it's ugly head, but he reigned it in. Today Hakkai was doing him a favor, so he refused to be a grump.

 

Hakkai grabbed his keys, and they made their way out. “It was nice meeting you,” Gojyo called as the door closed behind him.

 

Sanzo's POV…

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Sanzo weaved through traffic, while trying to get a reservation. He'd given Gojyo a few days to cool his jets, and had left work early today in hopes of getting to spend a three day weekend with his lover. He could have taken Monday off, but Mondays were the most hectic, so at noon, he'd snuck out of the office.

 

“I'm sorry, Sir. I can't confirm a reservation for this evening. Reservations have to be made at least three weeks in advance.”

 

“Don't you have any cancellations?” he asked hopefully.

“No, we don't.”

“Thanks a lot,” he said with a growl.

 

“Sir, I don't know how you can call a bed and breakfast on a Friday, and expect us to have an available room, for that evening. Fridays are our busiest day, no matter what time of year!” she said admonishing him courteously. “Have a good afternoon.”

 

“Yeah you too.” Great… Gojyo really wanted to check that place out… I'll have to think of something else…

 

Sanzo walked into their apartment using his key, white noise catching his attention. He walked into the living room and found the TV on, black and white ripples fluttering over the screen. “Gojyo?” he called, but there was no answer. He must be out with Hakkai. I should have called. He noticed their camcorder sitting on top of the DVD player and looked inside… there was definitely a tape, but it was at its end.

 

Hmmm…

 

Sanzo pressed rewind, and waited for the click. Once it stopped he hit play and moved to the black camel back couch. What has he been up to? When the video started to play all he could see was blue. The picture wobbled and danced, then stood still. The blue moved back and he realized it was a t-shirt, Gojyo's t-shirt. Video Gojyo backed away from the lens, checked its placement, and sat down on the coffee table.

 

The redhead gave a sad smile, and looked to the lens, “Hey, Sanzo…”

 

Oh it's for me… Is he really that mad??

 

Sanzo lifted the remote and turned up the volume, “I didn't have the nerve to say goodbye in person… and a letter seemed so impersonal…”

 

Goodbye? Sanzo got up and ran into the bedroom, the video playing as his heart raced, blood crashing through his veins. He threw the doors to the closet open, and found most of Gojyo's things gone. Everything he'd ever bought him, was present, including his cell phone. Gojyo had left with only the things he'd bought for himself, even the promise ring he'd given Gojyo two years ago was nestled in its place on the dresser.

 

He left and didn't want to take any part of me with him…

 

He heard Gojyo's voice and remembered the tape. He ran back to the living room, rewound the tape slightly, and settled down to really listen to what his love had to say.

 

“God, Sanzo… I wish you knew how hard this was for me… My only real weakness over the last three years has been you, and the overwhelming love I've felt, since…” Gojyo sighed “…since just about that first time I saw you. I knew if I waited for you to come back here, I would never leave. There was no way I could look you in the eye and…”

 

I shouldn't have waited, Sanzo thought, his heart clenching as he watched Gojyo's obvious misery on film.

 

“I was so secure with you… and I'm scared to death about where I'll end up now, but this… this is all way too painful for me, and even though I chose this… I know it was my decision to stick with you… I deserve better. A whole hell of a lot better. Someone who will be with me and only me… I don't want to be your dirty little secret anymore.”

 

Sanzo flinched, Gojyo was his dirty little secret, but he was also his heart and soul.

 

“You ripped my heart out over and over… It's been so long since I really felt it when you told me you loved me. I've spent the last year feeling like your whore. You came… we fucked… you left… but I stayed. I just… I've never been in love with anyone else… you were the first… did I ever tell you that? Probably not… Love sure as hell isn't what I expected it to be. I waited 21 years for something special… it finally came along… and… well you know how the story goes…”

 

Gojyo's head slumped, slender fingers rubbing the back of his neck. Sanzo wished he could melt away the tension in that perfect neck.

 

“You remember our first time? I thought you were just playing some sort of game… and I got so mad… but then you asked me to take you… Man… my heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode. That was the first time I realized I was in love with you… and it made me so nervous… I'd been around the block so many times before… but with you and that brand new feeling… It was different then all the other times… it was… mind-blowing…”

 

Gojyo arched as if he could feel the memory flowing over his skin, and Sanzo watched his almost feline grace with fascination, then shuddered at the memory of that night. The night his passion had been unleashed…

 

“That day sticks out in my mind more then any other in our three years… it poured that night… you remember? It was a really bad thunderstorm… you pulled me close for warmth… I almost couldn't breathe… you were squeezing me so tight… every time the thunder boomed you would tremble… I knew you were afraid… it made you seem so vulnerable that I took you again… in a flash of lightening you looked up at me… and said you loved me and would never let me go.”

 

Tears rolled down Gojyo's cheeks, his shoulders shuddering. Sanzo yearned to wipe those tears away, and comfort his lover but Gojyo wasn't… He's not my lover anymore…

 

“So… there's never been anybody else… And I doubt there ever will be. Who could compare to you, anyway? But that doesn't really matter anymore… I'll move on… and maybe someday there will be someone new… and I'll smile and laugh with him… and… while I won't love him the way I love you… I'll be happy… and that's probably more important…” Gojyo's voice cracked but he pushed on. “I hope that you and Mei find some semblance of happiness together…”

 

At Gojyo's heartfelt wish for his future happiness Sanzo broke. His body began to shake, and a whimper fell from his lips. He'd managed to keep up his cool exterior far longer then he'd expected. He'd done nothing but hurt the man he loved, and Gojyo still cared about his happiness. It was too much.

 

“On those stormy nights when I haunt your dreams… think of me… and you'll be alive one more time… even if it's just… for one night…” Gojyo ran his hands through his crimson locks collecting himself, and sighed in exasperation. Sanzo realized this video was the first real glimpse he had into his boyfriends pain. Pain he'd kept hidden for eighteen incredibly long months.

 

“I love you… forever…”

 

Sanzo's heart shattered as he watched video Gojyo put on his jacket, place a kiss to his fingertips, press them to the lens, pick up his bag, walk past the couch they'd made love on more times than he could count, out the door, and far, far away. The video continued to play this empty room, and with startling realization he knew for certain…

 

Every piece of life that lived within him was gone…

 

He couldn't bear to move. He couldn't stand the idea of going home to his wife. The idea of ever looking at his desk again, made his stomach turn. This was where he should have been all along, and this was where he would stay. Maybe he'll come back, his conscience told him, but he already knew that would never happen. If nothing else, Gojyo Taishou was a man of his word, he was determined to go, and that meant he was already long gone.

 

That night as he slept in what was once their bed, he cried for the first time since his mother died. He didn't cry for his loss… He cried for the man he tore apart… because Gojyo shouldn't have had to cry over the mistakes he had so foolishly made.