Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Diary of a Smutty Sanzo ❯ June 11th- Return ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Days have gone by.
Weeks…months, even.
Once again I’m confronted with my true feelings for Ayami and the conflicting cold shoulder that I’ve turned against her.
She had left us, as she said she would and when she packed and left, all were there to see her off except for myself.
Mi’tou is so far from here. I should’ve been able to forget her completely, and yet, I couldn’t.
I’d worked so hard to do so, and just when I thought I could finally ignore the feel of her warmth in my arms, she came back.
The flat complex she lived in suffered a fire. Her belongings were gone, along with her money.
It’d been arson on account of the landlord. He’d been hoping to collect on the insurance he staked on his buildings- never mind that he could have murdered his tenants in the process.
Secretly, I celebrated that the bastard pulled such an atrocious play.
It gave Ayami back to us.
She seems no worse for wear, yet that sadness in her eyes can’t be ignored. I haven’t been the only one to have witnessed it.
Shame weighs her shoulders down. What work she found there is of no contest in my mind.
Clearly, she had gone back to selling herself just to make ends meet.
Now she is here, and Ayami won’t have to worry again.
Nevertheless, I’ve not spoken one word to her in regards to her return- nor to what had happened between us before she left.
It’s as it should be. Everything is.
Hakkai has become cheerful, maybe truly so, though I imagine he still agonizes over one matter or another. Goku is hungry, annoying, and now eager to delve into the world of the opposite sex. Lian is up my ass, figuratively speaking, about one trivial issue or another, and Gojyo…
Gojyo is once again carousing about with her.
A bitter hook tugs my mouth into a sneer.
Why question their love?
I know it’s not there, not really.
He had gotten off far too easily. Pretty words whispered in Ayami’s ears, a heartfelt apology, roses, dinner, the works.
And a ring…to explain away all of his past mistakes.
Ayami accepted, displaying their engagement to everyone so openly.
I ignore it even now, pretending I never knew about it in the first place.
Stupid girl.
It appalls me, how ‘happy’ they’ll be together. Doesn’t she realize he’s going to hurt her again?
It’s only a matter of time before a real whore, a tramp who could care less that Gojyo was engaged to a lovely young woman, would turn his head and lure him away from the one who admired him so blindly.
Why can’t she understand it?
I wouldn’t do that to her.
Then again, I refuse to blatantly offer up my feelings to anyone about anything most times.
Ever since Master Koumyou’s murder, I vowed to never care so much for someone else. I promised him to take his place as a Sanzo priest and exact my revenge, claiming back what rightfully belonged to me.
I carried out my duties, the sutras remain safe, and I have nothing more to do with Chang’an Temple.
My resignation only went through a couple of weeks ago, and now someone else carries the scriptures of Heaven and Earth.
Learning to let go of the bindings that attached me to my Master, to the Buddhist faith was more difficult than I thought it would be…but it was the most freeing experience I’d gone through.
My chakra marking my ties to the heavens and gods I despise still remains. I imagine it always will be there; a reminder of what I once was…but my vows are null and void.
Ayami…she should see…that there are plenty of things I’d give up for her.
They all still call me ‘Sanzo’ out of habit, but I don’t stop them.
Truthfully, the only one in the dark about my resignation is Ayami…the others haven’t thought to fill her in.
It’s better that way.
Yet, my name…is what I wish to hear from her.
Staring outside, I slowly realize the late hour and a long soak in the tub appeals to me the most.
Within moments, I’m at the door of the large bathroom, greeted mostly by darkness. However, a faint glow comes from the crack between it and the floor.
Curiously, I push the unlocked door open and gaze inside.
The glow comes from candles situated around the tub and within it, I see a figure.
Ayami, relaxed and submerged from the neck down, lies with her eyes closed and long hair draped over the back of the claw foot’s basin.
She’s illuminated by eight dancing flames and the moonlight streaming into the window casts an ethereal shimmer.
I’m frozen, captured, entranced…
And while I stand quietly, a metallic stench reaches my nostrils with the next breeze through an opened screen.
Blood.
It hits me and my hand goes for the light switch before it registers to me that I’ve turned them on.
Crimson stains the floor tiles surrounding the side of the tub.
Ayami’s closed eyes are too serenely so, and her mouth is open with shallow breaths.
Those lips…I had kissed them once…it seems too distant to remember.
“Ayami! Ayami, answer me!”
She’s still alive, despite her unopened eyes, and her breathing slows even as I work to lift her from the tub.
Dragging her naked body across the floor into my lap, I slap her cheeks gently.
“Ayami, open your eyes!”
My heart is pounding, my stomach is in my throat and I tear off strips of towel to wrap about her wrists, staunching the blood flow.
She moans in my arms as I try again to rouse her. What more can I do for her?
Is this what Hakkai had felt years ago? Watching Kanan die in front of him?
I never was one to pray, but I found myself doing it regardless of the gods I didn’t believe in. If they let her die, my faith in them was truly lost forever.
What happened?
What did Gojyo do to her this time?
Her skin feels too cool to have come out of warm water and my mind recognizes panic.
I could face dozens of demons, zombies, and monsters…but this woman tries to off herself and I go to pot.
I never could justify suicide as anything more than a chicken’s way out, though I had once seriously contemplated it.
“Sanzo?”
The voice is so small I nearly miss it.
Goku stands in the doorway, golden eyes wide in horror as he comprehends the situation. “What happened to Ayami? Why is she bleeding?”
He can smell the blood, and probably taste it on the tip of his tongue with the demonic senses he has.
“Get Hakkai.”
“But-”
“-hurry, Goku!”
He scurries away as I lay Ayami down only long enough to remove my shirt and wrap it around her nakedness.
Holding her like this, as much as I wanted to before, felt terribly wrong.
In moments, Hakkai shows up, stopped short in his tracks by what he sees.
I can see the past flying through his mind, repeating itself for him.
Fortunately, it doesn’t hinder him for long and he works to close her wounds using his chi and relinquishes the rest to me.
“It’s best that we don’t tell Gojyo, my friend.”
I’m scowling now.
“And why the fuck not? This is probably his fault.”
“She broke the engagement with him.” Hakkai mutters quietly, his green eyes pleading.
“What?”
The demon teacher nods to me. “She broke it, today. She told him it was clear his interests didn’t strictly lie with her.”
Good for her- but I can’t wrap my mind around why she’d sink to such a level as suicide.
“Do you wish me to watch over her tonight, or should I leave it to you?”
Hakkai’s voice trembles though he remains outwardly calm. It’d be too much for him, I can tell, even if it would be wrong for me to take her.
“What do you think?” I retort and he smiles warily, thankfully before walking away.