Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Familiar Bonds ❯ Part 3 ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Gensomaden Saiyuki and the characters belong to their rightful owner. Yes, yes, nothing belonged to me, except the twisted, dirty scenario I had planned for them * grin *.

Familiar Bonds

Part 3

A fanfiction by Sumeragi Sakura

This was going to be a massacre.

I could even smell blood. There, in the middle of the Lotus Room, a whole battalion of monks of the highest ranks in the temple gathered silently. All twenty-two hairless heads turned at my direction, when I stepped into the coliseum of orange-shaded robes. Twenty-two monks were sitting on the circular short platform, crossing legs on their sitting pads on the floor.

The room was dead silent. It was too silent, my ear could hear the humming sounds of the silence itself. The tension hung in the air, as thick as if I could lick and taste it. Twenty-two pairs of eyes were staring at me.

Twenty-two pairs of prejudicing eye.

Accusing eyes.

A little, almost invisible, smile twitched at the corner of my lips. It wasn't a happy smile, nor was it an upset one. It was bitter. Prejudice had never been a stranger for me. Nor hostility, however subtle and concealed it was. I grew up in the middle of it. I had been very used to this kind of treatment, the way that everybody around me sneering with their lips and accusing with their eyes.

I had trained myself not to let their hostility to penetrate my invisible barrier of self. Therefore, I smiled bitterly and walked straight into the lions' den. I managed to retain my composure and acted as if their staring eyes didn't bother me.

They didn't.

They didn't bother me.

So let's just play their tiny little game. Let them come at me.

I stood alone, and aloof, inside the ring of the sitting monks. I clasped my hands together across my chest and bowed to the head of the temple monks, Elder Wang Zhou. The old monk, with his white beard dangling from his chin, wearing a thicker set of orange robe, bowed to me in the same way.

"Thank you for coming here, Sanzo-sama," said Wang Zhou calmly.

"I am not aware that an official meeting is being held today."

"Yes, this is a little too sudden for us too. But judging from the situation progressing everyday, we considered this meeting is of high priority."

"What situation?"

Elder Wang Zhou looked into my eyes from behind his bushy eyebrows. Consideration and hesitation was subtly shown from them. I've known the old man for too long to notice these almost unnoticeable signs. He had something to say. Something he wished he wouldn't had to say to me. As if he didn't have the heart to break the news at my face.

A pitiful sympathy.

Something I didn't need. Something I didn't wish.

"What situation is it?" I asked again, my voice was gruff from the impatience beginning to brew in me.

"The situation inside this temple after Son Goku was taken in," Ho Tze answered before Elder Wang Zhou said anything more.

The proud monk walked across the room, passing me in the middle of the room and took his post beside the Elder. He didn't sit down. He stood there, glaring me with his beady, black eyes. He lips was set in thin line, his jaw was rigid.

He said after Son Goku was taken in. But I knew what he meant was, after I took Son Goku in.

He was confronting me. I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one who initiated the meeting. I wouldn't even be surprised if he brought up the matter of Goku into this kind of meeting. I knew the brat would never stop causing troubles in the temple. I knew that sooner or later someone would complain. And I was prepared for that.

But I never thought that Elder Wang Zhou also agreed with the rest of these monks. He was the only one in this temple who gave me respects for who I truly was, not for the Sanzo title I bore. He was the one who always spent some time with me by chatting in his afternoon walk around the temple ground. We were not friends. Or at least, I didn't consider him as a friend. The idea of making friends with other monks just made me wanted to laugh.

But at least he cared.

For me. For the temple. For the people around him.

But now, he was sitting next to Ho Tze, looking at me with surly eyes.

I laughed a little. You should never trust another. They would always turn their backs on you. At least once in their lifetime. Except for the late Sanzo-sama. Except him, I thought wistfully.

"What about Goku?" I confronted back.

"Do not act as if you don't know what's going on, Sanzo-sama," Ho Tze started again. "He has been causing nothing but troubles since the day he arrived here. The incident in the kitchen yesterday and the sacred tree today are only the latest examples of his savage behavior."

"He's been reprimanded, Ho Tze-sama. I myself took care of it. And besides, he didn't cause the incident in the kitchen."

"Oh? Then would you care to tell us who did it, Sanzo-sama?"

"It's not my duty to find out about it. You should assign the kitchen monks to investigate that matter."

"Oh, I have. And they told me that the only one who could break into the kitchen, consumed four hundred portions of food and escaped by jumping to the tree outside the kitchen window, is nonetheless Son Goku."

"They don't have any proof on that."

"We don't need proof when we can use common logic. Do you believe that there are other monks here who would eat that much food?"

"What I believe is that we can't judge anyone with a crime we can event prove. What if someone stole something from the Chamber of the Three Buddhas? Will you accuse me who did it just basing on the fact that I was the only one who had access into the room?"

Ho Tze went silent for a while, before at last he said," Perhaps."

I swallowed my raging anger down my throat. It took me a few painful seconds to retain my composure in the witness of twenty-three pairs of eyes. Those were the eyes of the people I spent years serving the dharma with. Those were the same eyes that stared at me with cold stare.

You should never trust people.

Their words were as eternal as the withering flowers in the winter. One cold breeze swept in, they would die and be forgotten. That was what human's trust to me. Except Sanzo-sama's trust.

Except his.

He was not a human being to me.

He was simply a demi-god. The only person I used to serve my life to. Not to the Buddha and all of its teachings. Not for the sake of others people goodness in life. Only for Sanzo-sama and no one else.

There was nothing left in the room that made me wanted to stay another minute. I was sick of them all, sick of how easily they could judge someone. Even if Goku did do some mischief, he always received a punishment afterwards. No matter how many times he did something bad, punishments were always coming along and he took it willingly.

"If that's the case, then I don't have anything else to say," I said to the room. "I am not willing to speak about this until you clarify it clearly, if Goku really did stole the food from the kitchen. About the tree incident today, I myself will teach him a lesson. So all of you can rest assured."

I turned around, ready to stomp out of the room, leaving the whole gang of impossible monks behind me. But before I strode more than a few steps, Ho Tze's voice stopped me again.

"This is not just about the incidents in the kitchen and the one in the tree, Sanzo-sama. This is far more serious than that."

I stopped in my track. I stopped, I listened, but I didn't turn around.

"We assume that even though you punish the little brat, he will always do more mischief tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, and so on. Therefore we have decided…"

I could sense the room was getting restless. An uneasiness of the coming verdict.

"We all have decided in unison, that Son Goku will have to leave the temple."

The room was silent. Dead silent. Even more silent than when I entered it. They all knew that doing something against the wish of a Sanzo was forbidden. My rank was the highest of them all gathered in this room. Yet, if all of them voted against me, all of them, than even a Sanzo like me couldn't do anything else but to oblige.

I could sense Elder Wan Zhou rose from his seat.

"Wait, Sanzo-sama. You don't have to rush it. We can give you a week at the latest, but…..only that."

I spun around at my hills, glaring at the Elder.

"Even you too?" I laughed bitterly.

He sighed an apologetic smile at me, which made me even angrier. I didn't need his pity. I didn't want to see that look on his face that told me he wished he could help but he couldn't. I really didn't want to see it. Pity was something I hate and in return, something the least I wished for.

Pity meant insult.

By looking at me that way, he was insulting me.

That was it. I couldn't take anymore of this.

I turned around again and left the silent room.

+ + + + +

"Sanzoo, where have you been?"

Goku was bouncing on the chair. He was sitting behind the table in my chamber, across from Yu Men. On the table, scattered the mahjong blocks, lined with the ones both of them kept on their side of the table. Yu Men greeted me with a cheerful smile. So the news of the meeting hadn't reached him yet.

Which meant, that Goku probably hadn't known anything about it too.

Which made this even harder.

"Mahjong, Yu Men?" I asked with an amused tone, hoping it didn't sound as pretentious as it actually was.

Yu Men laughed softly, while scratching the back of his balded head. "Forgive me, Sanzo-sama. Goku asked me to play along. It looks fun so I tried it. But we're not betting or anything here, Sanzo-sama."

"No, it's all right. Whatever that can make Goku sits still on a chair for hours is great."

Goku made a face. "Mou, Sanzooo! You made me sounds like a hyperactive monkey!"

The corner of Yu Men's lips twitched, but he hid it politely. I clicked my tongue, a promising grin was going to form on my lips.

"Baka Saru. You are a hyperactive monkey."

But the sneer lost its sarcasm once it escaped my lips. I couldn't. I just couldn't concentrate on teasing the boy after what I heard in the Lotus Room. After knowing what I must tell him. I couldn't help but to let a sigh and looked wistfully at him.

Yu Men cleared his throat. He excused himself from my chamber and closed the door soundlessly. Goku blinked at the closed door, his expression was boyishly confused.

"Eeeeh? Why did Yu Men left so suddenly? We haven't even finish our game!" he whined.

"Great. Now I can rest in my own chamber without anyone else disturbing me."

I walked to the bed and began slowly stripping myself from my robe. I was planning to meditate through the whole afternoon. But now I've lost my mood and will to do it. My mind was heavily preoccupied on how to break the news to Goku.

Or,…should I?

Should I tell him that?

Perhaps it would be better for him not to know it. I could just take him someplace else and make him live there. I rubbed my throbbing temple with my fingers, trying to soothe the headache that was beginning to form in my head. I was the one who freed him from his chains in his rocky prison. I was the one who claimed the master of him. I was the one who took him into my home.

I should be the one to take care of him.

I should be the one to take responsibility of everything he did.

I should be the one to be cast away from the temple.

A pair of hands caught me in the waist from behind. A head of spiky hair was being pressed against my back. I could feel the warmth of a body engulfing me from behind. It somehow slipped a feeling of comfort into my chest, a soothing kind of feeling.

"Don't worry, Sanzo. It will be all right. I can go to Gojyou's place and live there if you want me to."

I jerked in his arms. He knew. He knew about it. He knew I was thinking about it right now. And even though it was concerning him, he told me not to worry, when he was the one who should be worried.

His hold around my waist grew tighter. The head on my back dove deeper into the crook of my spine, as if it was looking for some comfort there. The body molded against mine from behind tightened and slightly trembled.

He was crying.

Or he was struggling not to cry.

He told me not to worry about him while he was trying to hide his tears.

Something thick stuck in my throat, painfully swelling larger every passing second. A dejavouz. It was the same feeling I felt when I first met him on the rocky mountain. The same lump, the same ache. I wondered if the reason was also the same. He was begging me to take him, then. Now, I had to let him go.

It was different. But the feeling felt the same. The same stingy sensation that clawed its way from the base of my stomach, up to my throat. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should be glad I didn't have to tell him the bad news. I should be grateful that he came up with his own solution to the matter. I should be relief to be rid of his mischiefs and disturbing noises. Now, I could regain my days of living quietly, serving my dharma with nothing to distract my mind again.

Was that really what I want?

To live quietly and serve my dharma?

And died as an old monk in this godforsaken temple?

I clasped his hands around my waist and chase them away from my body. I walked away from him, gaining some good few feet distance from the cause of the familiar ache wringing my entire skin. I had to get away from him, before I destroy myself. My life. My heart.

"How do you know about it?" I asked gruffly, without turning my face to him.

A few minutes of silence. From his gasp of breath when I freed myself from him, I knew that he was wounded by my rejection. He was trying to recover himself. Without any help from me. I stayed where I stood, at a safe distance away from him. The distance was an invisible barrier I built to stop the ache from invading my chest.

"I…," his voice trembled, before he tried to clear it. "I escaped from Yu Men when he was off guard and went to the Lotus Room to see you. I opened the door slightly and took a peek. That's how I heard about it."

I wanted to touch him.

Hearing his trembling voice, every nerve in my body screamed for me to touch him. To take his hand and kiss away his pain. Just like I did in the rocky cave. Just how I got into this mess. If I do it again right now, it wouldn't fix the mess. It would always be there, nagging me obnoxiously, distracting my quiet life once again.

Was a quiet life really what I want?

Shut up!

Ch', even my own heart betrayed me. Like everyone else did.

I used to be so sure, so secure with myself. Now, if I asked that same question one more time, I wouldn't be able to answer it right away. I hated this. Everything in my life had turned into a mess once I took Goku in it.

Yet, I still wanted to touch him and claim him again.

"I don't want them to blame you for what I did, Sanzo," Goku started again, his voice was interspersed with feelings I couldn't recognize, since my head was distracted with thoughts of my own. "I don't want to be the cause for them to dislike you. I'll go, that's all right."

I should've said something. But my lips were locked for a reason I didn't know. It hurt, it hurt to hear him said that. But I couldn't open my lips.

"It's just,…because they give me a week's notice, may I…..… Uh…..Sanzo,…may I…stay…may I stay with you until then?"

The trembling in his voice grew stronger. He asked the question with such great efforts, as if he had to painfully choke it out of his throat, word by word. He stayed where he was. I could sense his big eyes scorching their questioning hope on my back. Begging me silently to grant his wish. Just like the time he was chained behind the bars of his prison.

I wanted to touch him.

I wanted to kiss him.

I wanted to say yes and soothe his shuddering body.

But my body froze and my lips were sealed.

He stepped back, staggering, clearly wounded by my cold behavior. He reached for the door slowly, as if hesitant. He stared at me once again and found only my back turned to face him.

"All right, Sanzo. I can take a hint. I'll….I'll prepare my leave now…. I will be gone by the end of the day….."

He turned and reached for the handle of the door. "I'm sorry I've cost you so much trouble…. I….I really enjoyed my days living with you, Sanzo. And now,…..go…goodbye,…. My….Master….."

It only took me a few giant strides to cross the room instantly and pinned the boy on the door. The door was slammed shut by my force. It shook the wall and rattled the windowpanes. I leant both of my hands on eihter sides of his head and have him pinned before me. He was still facing the door, stiffened with surprise and probably, fear. I breathed on his neck and inhaled his scent to fill my hungry lungs.

"Baka……," I whispered hoarsely.

"Sa…Sanzo…."

"I told you to call me your Master."

I kissed the back of his neck, gently. Even lovingly. I was glad to find him gasping and squirming at the sudden gesture of intimacy.

"Says who I'm going to let you go so easily?" I whispered again, voice hoarse of need now, hot burning need. "I've claimed you. I'm the one who gets to decide anything about you. You don't run away without my permission just like that."

"Sanzo..…"

I buried my face on his shoulder. "I'm not going to let you go. You hear me? If you run away, I'll come and get you again. I've claimed you, you can't escape from me."

He leant his hands on the door in front of him, trying to gain some balance. His shoulder shook, soft sobs were coming out of his mouth. He shook his head in disbelief.

"I'm so scared…..I'm so scared that you're going to send me back to the cave….I'm…"

He slumped down into a crouch, fists covering his face, and began to sob uncontrollably. I looked down at him, with both of my hands were still leaning on the door, in surprise. Then I crouched down too, turning his body around to face me. When I turned him, he fell to the floor and leant his back on the door.

Tears were running down his cheeks. He looked like a little boy who had just lost his mother and confused of what to do. Like a lost chick, like a dumped puppy. He covered his crying eyes with his fists, body shaken with tiny sobs.

"I'm so scared…, Sanzoo…I'm scared that you're going to dump me….I…"

I crawled in between his legs and bent my face down to meet his. I kissed his wet cheeks one by one, gently, tenderly, as if I didn't want to break him anymore. His salty tears brought guilt into my chest, squeezing my heart until it bled. I stroke his cheek with my hand, trying to wash away his sadness. His fear.

"Sssshhh…," I tried to comfort him. "I'm not going to dump you."

"Why didn't you say so?! Why didn't you say anything before?" he anchored one of his fist on my shoulder.

I winced from the slight pain. He really beat me seriously. I leant closer and kissed his hair, his temple and down to his closed eyes.

"I'm so scared…"

"Don't you trust me, Goku? Do you really think I'm going to let them do this to you?"

"How would I know?! You didn't say anything, Sanzo you bastard!"

He threw himself into my arms. I blinked with surprise. He beat his fists a few more time on my side. Wincing from the pain, I smiled into his hair.

I didn't know why or how, but I was not going to let this boy got away from my arms. I didn't need to know what the reason was, I didn't think I wanted to. But what I said to him was true. I was not going to let him go. However trouble he would bring me.

I wrapped my arms around his waist. He instinctively wound his legs around mine. I stood up, bearing his weight on my hands and walked us to the bed. I dropped him slowly between the soft pillows, before throwing my body to his side on the bed. He quickly cuddled me again, like a baby bear seeking for warmth and safety.

I let him hugged me. I let him nuzzled my neck while he sobbed. It was my fault, my responsibility for those tears to fall. So I let him.

And perhaps, tonight I would let myself be hugged and nuzzled him. Like the way I'd wanted to do. I held him in my arms, close to my body, while my mind raced in my head.

If I didn't want to let the monks cast Goku away, what would I do? Where should Goku live? Bound by my dharma duty and obligation as a Sanzo, I couldn't leave the temple. I couldn't just walk away and lived somewhere alone with him.

What would I do then? Would I let him stay at Gojyo's place? But that would mean that he must leave the temple without me. No. It was not an option. I didn't want him to go alone, to live alone.

Yet,… what power did I have to help him?

His sobbing faded without my noticing it. He leant his head on my chest and fell into sleep peacefully. As if nothing had ever happened before. His shoulder heaved slowly, his breath was hissing like a whispered psalm in the silent room. His eyes were closed, his lips parted halfway, making him looked innocently enticing. He didn't realize how much power he had over me, just by showing me this innocent look.

I took his sleeping face in my hand and kissed his moist lips.

A most gentle, tender kiss I dared not to show when he was awake.

For fear he would know about my feeling. My true feeling. Not as a master to his servant. As a man to another man.

I leant my forehead on the top of his head, blissfully bathed in the scent of him. My eyes were droopy. I shouldn't sleep. The night hadn't even arrived yet. And I had a lot of things I had to figure out. So I… I shouldn't be….sleeping…..

This feels too nice….

Too comfortable to miss…..

I shouldn't sleep…. What am I going to do with Goku?

That was the last thing that crossed my mind before I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

[ tsuzuku ]

Author's Note: Finally, I got around to finish this chapter. I planned to finish chapter 3 and 4 and post them together, but something came up and I could only this post chapter 3 (for those who regularly read my ficblog will understand). I'm sorry for this tardiness, but I'm trying my best here. Sorry if it's still not enough.

(Yoong, I promised you an angst scene in this chapter. Does it pass as an angst scene to you? ^__^;; I'm still not sure whether there'll be another angst scene in the next chapter, but I can promise you smut! *snickers*) Oh, for those who misses Goku's angsty character from The Beginning of the Journey, I think the Goku in this chapter will satisfy you,..... a little...^__^;;;

By the way, whoaa.... no needed Japanese vocabularies in this chapter? I feel like I'm missing something....

I admit that this isn't the best fic I've ever written, but I do hope that you still enjoy it! ^__~

See ya in chapter 4!