Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Saiyuki Serial: Beautifully Broken Evolution ❯ 21 Dawning Revelations ( Chapter 21 )

Author's Notes: I don't own a damn thing here except the smutty idea. Rights to the characters, as always, remains with their creator.

 

Self-beta job here. Thanks goes to those who helped/inspired/prodded me along.

 

 

21 Dawning Revelations

 

~Sanzo~

 

I didn't like what I was smelling.

 

I cracked an eye open to try and find where the offensive odour was coming from and winced at the weak light filtering around the curtains. My mouth was desert dry and my throat felt like I'd swallowed broken glass. A headache was trying to form behind the eye I'd opened and I'd managed to identify the rancid smell as me.

 

I hated being sick.

 

I sat up slowly in case sudden movements would make me puke. My stomach seemed fine if very hollow feeling. I ran a hand through my hair and wrinkled my nose at the greasy feel. I was glad there wasn't a mirror in the room. If I looked half as disgusting as I felt, I didn't think I wanted to see myself at the moment. Even though I'd just woken up, I felt dead tired.

 

I pushed the blankets away and swung my legs off the edge of the bed. It was then that I noticed I was naked. I frowned as I tried to remember how I ended up in bed without my clothes on. My mind was a complete blank. Probably was that pervy kappa's fault. Me plus bed always equalled naked in his head. I stood and made my way to the chair that had a robe draped over the back. Just travelling that little distance exhausted me. I scowled and muttered as I struggled into the robe. I needed to take a piss and there was no way I was moving out of this room bare-assed naked to do that.

 

I shuffled to the door, feeling like I was a hundred years old. The inn was quiet and I guessed it was barely dawn. I trailed a hand along the wall as I made my way to what I hoped was the washroom. The instructions of the clerk from when we'd checked in were a little fuzzy in my head. Frankly, I was amazed I even remembered that much from the night we'd hit the town. A sign on the last door was my salvation. I'd found the can!

 

Where the hell was that stupid kappa? Didn't he know any better than to leave me alone when I was so sick? I'm sure Hakkai would have told him something about staying with an unconscious sick person. What if I hadn't been able to get up and haul my achy ass to the toilet? I leaned against the wall with one hand as I felt sweat start to trickle down my ribs from exertion. I fumbled with the tie on the robe and gave a frustrated growl when it didn't immediately give way. I managed to yank the robe out of the way with a snarl. Sweet relief was mine as I was finally able to relieve the pressure of my bladder.

 

I avoided looking in the mirror above the sink as I washed my hands and splashed some water on my face. I scooped some in my hands and rinsed my mouth. I still felt like crap but at least I felt like marginally better crap. The walk back to the room wiped me out. I barely made it to the bed before my muscles gave out. Sweat was cooling on my skin making me start to shiver. I was debating on if I had the energy to pull the blankets up when the door opened quietly.

 

“Sanzo? You're awake?” Gojyo asked as he hurried over to where I lay.

 

I tried to glare at him but it seemed like too much effort so I just closed my eyes. I wanted to tell him to fuck off but he was fussing and pulling the blankets up over me. I let him do it because I was now cold and tired. I could always tell him to fuck off later. I felt a warm cloth wipe the clammy sweat from my face. I'd threaten to kill him later, too. After he finished what he was doing that made my skin feel not quite so uncomfortable.

 

“Go back to sleep for now, Sanzo. I'll be here when you wake up again,” Gojyo said softly as he kissed my forehead.

 

I could faintly smell cigarette smoke on him and wanted one. I'd make him get me one after I'd rested my eyes for a few minutes.

 

*********

 

I opened my eyes and noticed that the weak light from before was gone. A small light was turned on, throwing a pool of illumination around Gojyo seated in a chair. I was pretty sure I was dreaming when I saw that he was holding a book in his hands and appeared to be reading. He must have heard me moving around because he looked up and smiled at me before putting the book down and coming to sit on the edge of the bed. He'd picked up a glass of water on his way to the bed and I eyed that greedily.

 

“How you feeling?”

 

“Like shit. Were you reading?” I asked in a scratchy voice.

 

“Hakkai lent me a book after the third day. Well, maybe lent isn't the right word. He kinda threw it at my head. He'd been a little testy while Hakuryuu was gone somewhere,” Gojyo said as he laid the back of his hand against my cheek.

 

I meant to knock his hand away. I ended up gripping his wrist in a pathetically weak hold instead. I managed to glare at him but he didn't seem to notice. That pissed me off. I wondered if I'd be able to hold my gun steady long enough to get a decent bead on him. As I was thinking of how much effort was going to be required to get my gun and aim, what Gojyo just said registered with me.

 

“Three days? How long have I been sick?”

 

“Almost a week. Hakkai said you had the flu and the best thing for you was rest. The inn is pretty nice and they gave us a great rate for the week. Hakkai did the haggling.”

 

A week? I'd never been that sick in my entire life. I pushed myself up to my elbows and motioned for Gojyo to give me the glass of water. I nearly sighed in relief as the cool liquid slid down my throat. I handed the glass back to Gojyo when it was empty and propped myself up against the headboard of the bed. As I sat up, I noticed that I was once again naked. That was Gojyo's doing, I was sure. I rubbed a hand over my face and grimaced at the prickly feel of stubble.

 

“I need a bath,” I stated.

 

“Yeah, you do. Hakkai said to wait until you were awake and lucid. He didn't want me accidentally drowning you if you started to thrash around and I didn't want to explain how that couldn't happen. Whenever you're ready, we can get you cleaned up and get some food into you. Hakkai said soup for now but if you're a good little monk, I can sneak you a meat bun or something,” Gojyo said with a smirk.

 

“I can bathe myself,” I said as I folded my arms across my chest sullenly.

 

Gojyo looked at me steadily. He sighed when I stared mulishly back at him.

 

“I know you got up while I was gone earlier. Probably to take a piss, right? You were bagged by the time you got back here. You couldn't even get under the covers and were sweating like a pig when I stepped back into the room,” Gojyo snorted.

 

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I had been exhausted from just that short walk and covered in sweat afterward. I'm sure that little adventure added to my less than pleasant aroma. I didn't want to have to rely on anyone but even as stubborn as I was, I wasn't stupid. I needed help to get cleaned up going by my experience from my pathetic little trip to the can earlier. I could accept help when I needed it.

 

“Fine. You can help,” I said less than graciously.

 

“Good of you to give permission, Sanzo,” Gojyo said with what sounded suspiciously like laughter in his voice.

 

I shot him a narrow look but there was no smile on his face. He got up from the bed and moved towards the door. He stopped with his hand on the knob and gave me a stern look. I didn't like it and wondered again where my gun was. I could always just shoot him on principal.

 

“Don't move from that bed, Sanzo. I'm going to get some stuff to clean you up as well as tell the clerk that we're using the bath house. I'll come back and get you when everything is ready.”

 

I grunted at him and closed my eyes. I heard the door open and shut and I think I might have dozed a little before I felt the light touch of a hand on my arm. I didn't need to open my eyes to know who it was. I'd recognize Gojyo's touch anywhere. Strangely, that didn't irritate me like it should have. I chalked it up to being sick and weak, refusing to dwell on the matter. He had a robe for me and helped me into it. He looked like he wanted to carry me but apparently still had some brain cells left and just stayed near my side. The walk to the bath house wasn't long but I was incredibly grateful to sit down when we got there.

 

I watched as Gojyo threw the lock on the door and approached me. I must not have been as tired and sick as I thought because my cock twitched to life when Gojyo stripped his clothes off in front of me. He bustled around, laying out soap, towels and wash clothes. When he came back to me, he offered his hand to help me stand. I almost refused but the short walk under my own steam had made my muscles shaky and sweat break out on my skin again. I grumbled instead and let Gojyo remove the robe before he pushed me back onto the low stool I'd been sitting on.

 

Gojyo knelt in front of me and dipped a sponge into a bucket of water that had steam curling from it. He squeezed out the water over my shoulders and I couldn't help the soft groan that escaped me. Gojyo smiled and began a rhythm of dipping the sponge in the bucket and wiping down my skin. The warm water, gentle strokes and quiet of the room, relaxed me. Even though Gojyo hadn't applied any soap to my skin yet, I already felt cleaner. I probably smelled better, too.

 

“Tip your head back and close your eyes, Sanzo,” Gojyo said softly as he hefted a bucket of warm water.

 

I did as Gojyo instructed. I almost moaned at feeling the water run through my hair. Once my hair was thoroughly wet, I smelled a fresh, clean scent that immediately reminded me of Gojyo's hair. His fingers start massaging my scalp and I made a little noise of pleasure as Gojyo slowly washed my hair. Nobody had ever washed my hair for me before. I'd never realized how intimate an act it was to have someone do that. I could really get to like this.

 

Not that I'd ever tell Gojyo that.

 

“Keep your eyes closed,” Gojyo whispered in my ear just before he began rinsing the shampoo from my hair.

 

He ran his hands through my hair and poured a few more buckets of clean water over my head. I was surprised at how careful he was being to keep shampoo from my face when it would have been so much easier to just dump the water over me. When he was satisfied, I heard the bucket thump back onto the tiles. I opened my eyes cautiously to see Gojyo picking up a small towel, soap and shaving cream. He came back and knelt in front of me again.

 

Gojyo lathered up the soap and started to wash my shoulders. His strong fingers massaged sore muscles as he cleaned. He worked his way down one arm and even washed between my fingers before moving to my other arm and repeating the whole process. He dipped a large ladle into a nearby bucket of clean water to rinse the soap from my arms. The bar of soap was lathered up again and Gojyo began washing my chest and belly. I bit my lip as his hands smoothed over my nipples. Even as crappy as I felt, the gentle touch of Gojyo's fingers over sensitive skin was arousing. I was torn between enjoying the feeling of getting clean again and the sensual glide of Gojyo's hands over my skin. I'd had no idea that having someone wash you could feel so good or arousing.

 

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sensation of Gojyo running soap slick hands over me; cleaning me and relaxing me at the same time. I couldn't remember anyone bathing me, ever. I was almost willing to make an exception to my stubborn self-sufficiency and let Gojyo do this again when I felt better.

 

I must be sicker than I thought.

 

When Gojyo's soapy hands cupped my balls, I opened my eyes to slits and watched him. I expected him to start fondling me. Instead, he washed me tenderly with nothing to show in his movements that he was trying to arouse me. I could see that he was excited by touching me so intimately but there was nothing in his body language that said he wanted to jump me. That was a little confusing as Gojyo always wanted to do something sexual with me. Especially if I was naked and not protesting his touch.

 

Did Gojyo actually have restraint or was I just not desirable to him anymore?

 

I wanted to demand an answer from him for a question I didn't have the courage to ask. Was his erection the result of handling a cock, any cock? Or was his hard-on because it was me he was touching? I scowled at myself as I stubbornly shoved those questions to the back of my mind.

 

Gojyo finished washing me and rinsed the soap from my body. I already felt one hundred percent better now that I didn't stink. Gojyo had me close my eyes again as he used a soft, wet cloth to wash my face gently. There was the noise of shaving cream being prepared before I felt the silky touch of the stuff on my face.

 

“You need to sit still while I shave you, Sanzo,” Gojyo warned.

 

I opened my eyes to see Gojyo holding a straight razor. That was the very last thing I'd expected to see. I guess I'd just assumed Gojyo used a disposable razor like the rest of us. I'd never had a shave with a straight razor although I heard it gave a closer shave than a disposable one. Oddly enough, I wasn't worried about him trying to harm me. I blinked slowly and frowned as I realized I trusted him not to hurt me. A half youkai was holding a weapon inches from my face, I was as weak as a newborn kitten yet I knew with absolute certainty I was safe with Gojyo.

 

When the hell did that happen and why wasn't I more worried about it?

 

“I can do it myself,” my strange behaviour made me snap at Gojyo in annoyance.

 

“No, you can't. You've been very sick and you're not at your best right now. I'm not putting a straight razor in your hands. Don't argue with me, Sanzo,” Gojyo said with surprising firmness in his voice.

 

I glared at him but instead of making him back down, he actually looked more determined to have his way. I eventually gave a very put upon sigh and muttered `fine'. Gojyo let a satisfied smile appear on his face at my giving in but he didn't say anything.

 

He brought the blade to my cheek and drew it carefully down my face. The steel was cool against my skin. Gojyo swished the blade in a bucket and brought the razor back to my face. He worked efficiently and quickly. When he tipped my chin up to shave under my jaw, I let him. The steel of the blade was now slightly warm from the water. When Gojyo pressed it against the soft skin of my throat, I had no worries or fear for my safety.

 

That thought actually worried me more than having the straight razor at my throat.

 

When Gojyo finished shaving me, he set the razor aside after cleaning the blade. He carefully cleaned the little bit of shaving cream he'd missed. A quick rinse with cold water made me hiss and glare a little at Gojyo. He kissed me lightly on the lips before I could stop him.

 

“Stupid kappa. You'll catch what I've got then we'll both be sick,” I muttered in confusion as I tried to work out the strange mental revelations I was having.

 

“Nah. I slept beside you the entire time you were sick. Hakkai said if I haven't gotten sick by now, I won't,” Gojyo said as he stood and pulled me to my feet.

 

“You slept beside me? Why?” I asked in puzzlement as I allowed him to lead me to the pool and stepped into the warm water.

 

Why would Gojyo want to sleep beside me when I was a mobile germ factory? Even though I hadn't taken a look in a mirror, I'd guessed that I was near the bottom of the attraction scale after nearly a week of not bathing. Why would Gojyo sleep next to me when he had to know that he wasn't gong to get laid considering the condition I'd been in? I had no solid memory of the time I'd been out of it but I did have random snatches of things.

 

Cool clothes gently wiping prickly sweat from my skin.

 

Strong arms supporting me while wracking coughs tried to tear my chest apart.

 

A soft voice singing me to sleep when I'd been restless.

 

I frowned as I tried to bring the pieces of memory into focus. They weren't coming but I was sure I was remembering Gojyo doing those things for me. Hakkai was the default doctor in our group. Why didn't I think those memories were of him? Gojyo pulled me close to him and pressed my head to his shoulder.

 

“Why did you stay with me when I was sick?” I persisted.

 

Gojyo sighed and I felt him tense slightly before his muscles loosened. He began stroking my hair and I found my eyes closing as relaxation seeped into me. I was starting to feel tired again yet I hadn't done anything. Gojyo had done everything for me and I'd actually let him. My mind started to drift from the soothing touch of Gojyo's fingers through my hair. How the hell was he doing this to me? Why wasn't I feeling like I wanted to shoot him for invading my personal space and taking over? Gojyo hadn't answered me yet but I was starting to feel too relaxed to care.

 

Gods, but I hated being sick and weak.

 

“Because you were sick. You're my lover, Sanzo. That's what lovers do for one another. When I said I wanted a real relationship with you, this is the kind of thing I meant.”

 

“But there was no sex,” I mumbled as my fingers crept up to tangle in the wet ends of his hair.

 

He had great hair. I was tempted to ask him to let it grow longer. I adored the feel of it brushing against my skin. I loved the way it looked, felt and even smelled. A ridiculous little bubble of happiness rose in me when I realized that my hair smelled like his now. I smiled at that thought as I stifled a yawn.

 

Gojyo laughed softly and pulled me to sit in his lap. I could feel his erection pressing against my leg and while I liked the fact that he was aroused, I couldn't seem to work up the energy to want to do anything about it. I was actually quite content to just let Gojyo hold me as he was.

 

“I'd never turn down sex with you, Sanzo, but there is more to a relationship than just sex.”

 

“Not just sex. Really good sex,” I said around a yawn. Fuck, but I was dead tired again.

 

“Yeah, it's really, really good sex,” Gojyo said as he kissed the top of my head. “Are you falling asleep on me? I wouldn't want you to drown or anything.”

 

“You won't let me,” I replied as I gave up fighting the sleepiness that was stealing over me. Gojyo would keep me from drowning.

 

I felt Gojyo's sharp inhalation and wondered why he seemed surprised to hear me say that. It was true. I was in no danger of drowning with a water youkai as my lover. The reason for his surprise didn't matter. I was clean and warm and had been treated to one of the most surprisingly pleasurable experiences of my life that didn't involve sex with Gojyo. That the experience did feature Gojyo anyway… I mentally shrugged my shoulders. I'd probably be pissed off about it later but right now, I was too content to give a flying fuck.

 

*********

 

I woke up to the disgustingly early chirping of birds outside my window.

 

I opened my eyes to see the faintest pink colouring the sky outside the window. Dawn was way too fucking early to be awake. But I felt better. Almost good enough to go searching for my gun to shoot the damn birds to shut them the hell up. I was a little confused as to how I was in bed when the last clear memory I had was of being held like a child in Gojyo's arms in the warm water of the pool in the bath house and liking it. This being sick thing sucked ass. Not remembering chunks of time was starting to royally piss me off.

 

There was a warm weight across my back that only took me seconds to identify as Gojyo's arm. One of my legs was thrown over one of his. My thigh pressed against his groin and my nose was buried in the crook of his neck. My fingers were tangled in his hair again. I listened to the steady beat of his heart under my ear and his deep, even breathing. I was startled to realize I felt happy tangled up with Gojyo. I waited for the anger and annoyance to come from having these feelings.

 

It didn't and that shocked the hell out of me but not enough to make me leave the warm comfort of Gojyo's arms.

 

I knew Gojyo was the one to care for me while I'd been sick. He said he did it because we were lovers and that's what lovers did for each other. He said this was what he meant when he told me he wanted a real relationship with me. There was no panicky feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach from having somebody care for me like this. I felt valued. Treasured.

 

Loved.

 

Okay, that last thought set the panic alarm ringing. Only… it wasn't making as much noise as it should have been. Gojyo hadn't said anything to me about love. He'd only said he liked me that one time and that he wanted to have a real relationship with me.

 

There was that kiss he'd given me in the cave behind the waterfall. There'd been all kinds of complicated things in that. The kiss had feelings and emotions that'd scared the ever loving fuck out of me at the time. That kiss had been partly responsible for shitty way I'd treated Gojyo the next time we'd been together. I didn't react very well to people showing affection towards me.

 

The deep kiss we'd shared the night it rained when Hakkai was with us had been intense, too. I'm not sure why I didn't freak out over that one when it had the same feelings attached to it that the kiss behind the waterfall did. Maybe because it'd been like a victory kiss. A depth of emotion between me and Gojyo that I was sure Hakkai, perceptive guy that he was, had seen plain as day. I knew that Gojyo would never kiss Hakkai like he'd kissed me that night. I'm not really sure how I knew that, I just did.

 

Damn it!

 

I was probably reading more into his looking after my sick ass than I should. Gojyo was sending out signals that even I got that said he more than cared for me. But how much more? Why would Gojyo look after me when it was typically Hakkai who did that kind of thing? Was I really reading Gojyo right? Did he really love me or was I still under some kind of fevered delusion? I frowned as I thought, laying half on top of Gojyo and playing with the ends of his hair.

 

I didn't really have any idea what being loved felt like.

 

No, that wasn't entirely true. I know I'd been loved by Koumyou. That was a different kind of love but when I thought about it, the basic feelings were the same. I'd felt valued and treasured by Koumyou. I'd known that I was one of the most important people in his life without him ever telling me that. I got the same kind of feeling from Gojyo.

 

Fuck.

 

Why wasn't I pissed off by Gojyo maybe loving me? I felt… pleased. Almost smug. I had to still be sick and half out of my mind to even be contemplating this and feeling so… contented. I had no idea why he might love me. I'd done absolutely nothing to encourage him to feel that way. I'd actually done several things that should have made him kick me from his bed and never welcome me back. That thought set off a little flutter of panic in my stomach before settling down with the knowledge that he did want me in his bed. But… Gojyo feeling anything even remotely like love for me made no sense and there was no way in hell I'd ever ask him how he felt about me. I'm not even sure what I'd do if he actually told me.

 

Would he expect me to say it back to him?

 

The flutter of panic returned and became a storm in the pit of my stomach. I drew in several slow, deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I was being an idiot. Gojyo hadn't said a damn thing to me about how he felt and he'd asked nothing of me in return. I'd say nothing to him about what I thought. If I was wrong… that kind of embarrassment was the killing kind. I'd have to shoot him to make sure he never said dick about it again. But I did owe him some kind of thanks for taking care of me when I'd been so sick. I lay there listening to Gojyo's even breathing and heart beat under my ear trying to think of how to say thanks without sounding… not like me.

 

When the idea of how to show my appreciation came to me, I couldn't believe it was so simple.

 

What worked once was sure to work again. I eased from the bed, hoping I wouldn't wake Gojyo. He barely stirred, seeming dead to the world. I padded across the room to where I'd noticed our packs dumped the last time I'd woken up. I wanted a smoke in the worst possible way, but I knew the second I lit up, Gojyo would wake up and I wanted to get this thank you out of the way before he woke up.

 

I opened my pack and pulled out a tightly wrapped package. Keeping an occasional eye on Gojyo, I took out a pale green sheet of paper and sat at the table facing the bed so I could see if Gojyo woke up. My hands worked on auto pilot for the initial folds while my eyes stayed on Gojyo. When I did need to look down to watch what I was doing, I strained my ears for any change in Gojyo's breathing. I let out a soft breath in relief when I was done and Gojyo hadn't woken.

 

I took my little creation and quietly rummaged through Gojyo's pack. The kit that held his shaving gear was a perfect place to put it where it wouldn't get crushed and Gojyo would be the only one to find it. A small smile tugged up the corner of my mouth as I put the package of paper back in my bag and grabbed my smokes. I sat back down at the table and lit my first cigarette in nearly a week. The nicotine rush nearly made me dizzy so I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the sensation. When I opened my eyes to take my next drag, Gojyo was watching me from the bed.

 

“Feeling better, Sanzo?”

 

“Almost normal,” I replied around a stream of smoke.

 

Gojyo laughed softly and got up from the bed. I was suddenly very aware that we were both nude. He leaned down and kissed me gently on the mouth before stealing my smoke.

 

“You've never been normal, Sanzo. But I like you that way so don't change, okay?” Gojyo said as he took a drag before handing me my smoke back.

 

Gojyo pulled on a pair of jeans and said something about hitting the can and my getting back into bed before catching a chill and getting sick all over again. The door closed gently behind him, leaving me blinking in surprise. At his first comment I'd been ready to get all pissy with him but his second comment took all the annoyance out of me and made me feel oddly complimented.

 

Gojyo'd said he liked me again.

 

Liked me the way I was and didn't want me to change. I was ridiculously pleased. I finished my smoke without really noticing and headed back to bed. The pillow smelled like Gojyo. I closed my eyes in pleasure as I pulled the blankets up. Gojyo would come back to bed and pull me into his arms. I'd let him do it because I was starting to realize that's where I wanted to be.