Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Troubles ❯ Troubles ( One-Shot )

Troubles

Disclaimer: No, I don't own 'em.

Warnings: This contains GojyoxHakkai. There are mentioning of NCS, but it all turns out okay. They might be OOC, I've only seen the first two episodes. Still with me? Read on!

That damn smile of his. Why must he always smile and say he's fine. I know he's not, how could he be? He never let's any of his emotions show, and I know that can't be good for anyone. No one is that strong.

Fuck. When did I start caring so much? It's those eyes of his. Those goddamn green eyes that seem to look at the world with such clarity that he always knows what's going on. They haven't been that piercing lately, that's why. He appears to just see things, but not understand what they mean. I want to know why.

We're sharing a room. He's already gone to bed, his brown tresses mussed around his face and turned blackish blue in the moonlight that streams through his window. I've had my experience with the fairer sex, but Hakkai seems more radiantly beautiful than any of them. Since when have I, Gojyo the Womanizer, fantasized about his friend? His male friend.

Yes, I'm the first to admit that I have, once or twice, shared a bed with a male, but I was always so drunk I had no idea if we were in a bed or simply on the table at a bar. So why does he affect me like this? Why do I want to see him cry, see him release all his hatred of the world?

I just want him to drop the facade. I'm tired of that fake smile. I don't care why or how, but I want to see true emotion on his face. Pain, agony, hatred, jealousy, anything but that fucking smile.

"Hakkai?" The softly spoken word hangs in the air, not acknowledged or responded to. Good, he's asleep. Swiftly I stand and begin to rummage through the pack which was carelessly tossed to the corner when we entered. I grasp the length of rope which was tucked at the bottom and creep to his bed.

Gently I grip his shoulder and wake him. He groggily offers me one of his smiles, as always. That confirms it, I have no choice but to crack that smile. I can't worry of the consequences, that will only result in me returning to my bed and willing sleep to overtake me.

"Did you want something Gojyo?" I swiftly wrap my fingers around each of his wrists, raising and binding them to the plain head of the hotel bed. His body, still overridden with sleep, doesn't allow him to relax until the knot is tightened. "Go-Gojyo. What are you-" I paste a kiss to his lips, avoiding the question I know he will undoubtedly ask. I don't want to face it until I am forced to.

He whimpers and tries to pull away, but his bindings hold tight. His chest is naked and guilded with moonlight. I nip one of his nipples, pulling the flesh and gnawing it. God, he takes so fucking good.

The pants he sleeps in ride low on his hips. With a tug they're pooled at his ankles, baring the rest of him. His legs are so thin, his thighs nothing more than a scant bit of meat and flesh. Gritting my teeth I force two fingers into him. Ignoring his cries of protest I work them in and out, savoring the tight heat of his body for I know I'll never get to feel it again.

His breath hitches as he shakily cries out. Begging, pleading with me to stop, to withdraw the digits that are so snugly placed in him and return to my bed. "Please, Gojyo, don't-I can't-it hurts."

He's crying. I see the silver tracks that cut across his flesh. I pull out my fingers and lift his pants back up so that they are settled on his hips. I drop a kiss where his thighs meet and stand.

I know now why he doesn't cry. It's because my heart broke knowing I caused him to be in pain. I wish I had never done that. Had let it lie, allowed him to deal with his past his own way.

He twists so that his back is to me even though I have yet to untie his hands. "Why?" Anything but that question. Yell at me, hate me, try to hurt me. Anything but question my motive in that sob-stricken voice. "Why? Why did I have to fall in love with you? Why did you have to rouse me so carefully that I thought you might actually return my sentiments? Why did you have to kiss me so softly that I could imagine that you were trying to make love to me instead of rape me? And why did your fucking fingers have to feel so damn good inside me?" His form quivered and shook with his tears.

"Hakkai, I-"

"Haven't you hurt me enough for one night? Do you want to mock me for being so weak I couldn't push you away? Haven't you taken enough of my dignity already? Are you really so cruel that my pain is amusing to you?" His voice was harsh, the word slowly ground out.

The only thing I could do was try to comfort him. I lay next to him and wound my arms around his waist, curving myself around him so that the planes of his back were pressed against my chest.

"Can you just go away already? I thought I could call you a friend, but I have no idea what you are to me anymore? If you plan to finish raping me, then please, continue so you can leave me here and go have another one night stand with some whore on the street."

"Dammit Hakkai! I love you!"

"Like hell you do, you bastard. You try to rape me, then you expect me to believe you love me?" He spat the words at me, each syllable dripping with venom. "If you love me then why didn't you just tell me instead of trying to take me forcefully. I wouldn't have resisted, as you've seen. I love you, and even though you pulled this stunt, I still do!"

I forced him onto his back and kissed him fiercely. "Do you know why I tried to do that? It's because you're killing yourself by always smiling. Show some emotion once in a while. We all worry about you, I thought if I could get you to do something then you'd be all better. I guess I was wrong."

With a rustle of sheets I was up and untying the rope. I avoided his eyes, knowing I couldn't fathom how I could do so much to hurt him but he could continue to have blank eyes "Gojyo."

"Yes?"

"Could, could you just hold me tonight? I don't want to be alone."

"You sure you want me to?" He nodded and I situated myself next to him, snuggling up to him so that his lips were presses between my clavicles and his eyelashes fluttered against my neck. I searched out his hand and intertwined our fingers.

I felt the salty wetness of his tears hit my flesh then slide and splatter, soaking the cottons sheets. His body trembled violently as the tears spilt faster. I nuzzled his soft hair and held him tight, aware of the fact that in his tears were all his troubles, and as they were absorbed by my hair, shirt, and kissed away by my mouth I was more than willing to share them.

Owari

An: Gah! That totally sucked. I'm terribly at endings. Well, please review!