Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Apogee ❯ Chapter XXI ( Chapter 21 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Gravitation is not owned by me, it is owned by Maki Murakami. I own nothing.

Author's Note: To those who have been patiently waiting for this: I am deeply sorry that I am late with it. I have had a very eventful, very busy few weeks, and they have kept me so stressed and worried about other things, I haven't had the time to even think about what these characters would be doing, much less write anything down. That, and the second part of this chapter was driving me nuts! It was much more dificult to write than I think almost any other scene has been, though I think it has some good points in it. I hope you enjoy!



Yuki Eiri sat back in the plush seat, his eyes fixed to the small figure in the middle of the stage. The crowd was cheering and feeding into his energy, but Eiri could see things about Shuichi that the crowd missed. They didn't know that Shuichi's performance seemed forced to Eiri, that even at a distance he could tell by the way the singer's clothes hung on him that he was too thin. He hadn't seen Shuichi since he had returned to Japan. He had dropped him off at Tohma's, used his key to let the brat in, then left him to enjoy a happy reunion with Tohma while Eiri went home and quietly drunk himself into a stupor. Shuichi had been looking good when last he had seen him. He'd gained back the weight he'd lost after he left Eiri, and the sparkle was back in his eyes. He was in love and willing to brave anything to go after it. Eiri hadn't been able to bring himself to ruin it by telling Shuichi how he felt. He wanted Shuichi to be happy, and as long as he was, Eiri would try to stay out of his life to make sure he stayed that way. He had come to this concert because he wanted to make sure of that; he wanted to see his brat one last time before he moved back to New York.

The Shuichi he saw on stage worried him. When K appeared in the private box, he wasn't surprised, suspecting by now that it had been he who sent the ticket to Eiri in the first place. Together they watched another song or two, then K finally spoke as Eiri's scowl began to darken.

"We need your help, Yuki-san."

"My help? I haven't talked to the brat in almost six months."

"He won't eat. We had him hospitalized in Kyoto last month, but he pulled the IV out of his own arm and disappeared for three days. When he came back he told us all that if we did that again, he would leave and not come back."

"So get Nakano to talk to him, he's closer than I am."

K only shook his head. "No good! He won't talk to Hiro or anyone else. He was fine when he left California, but by the time we got here a week later, he was miserable. He's shut everyone out."

"And you think I can help how?"

"You're the only chance we have left right now. We're hoping that he might listen to you."

Eiri looked back at the stage as the opening notes of Fate played. He felt more than saw K stand up beside him, and he stood as well. "I'm not promising anything, you understand."

K nodded. "We only ask that you try."

He followed K backstage and sat waiting in Shuichi's dressing room as the song ended and they said good night to the crowd. He was on his third cigarette when Shuichi entered the room and slumped back against the closed door, his head down. Eiri looked at him in the brief moment while he was still unnoticed. His initial assessment had been correct. Shuichi was shockingly thin, the normally clinging stage attire hanging off of him, the shorts belted so tightly they looked a couple of sizes too big. Eiri quietly cursed Tohma, knowing he had to have something to do with this, and then cursed himself. He hadn't bothered to check up on the brat, assuming he'd be fine, sickeningly in the midst of new love and absolutely, disgustingly cheerful. He sat still, blowing out a lungful of smoke as Shuichi stiffened and slowly looked up through a curtain of dark hair streaked with pink as he finally noticed he wasn't alone.

Eiri watched as his face changed, hiding his misery behind a mask of blankness. He had gotten rather good at hiding things, Eiri thought, but it didn't work as well when he saw the change. He stood, dropping his cigarette to the concrete floor and stepping on the still-burning tip. Shuichi looked at him for another minute, then started stripping the stage clothes off, obviously not caring if Eiri was in the room or not. He pulled on a fluffy bathrobe, and then sat in front of the mirror, starting to clean off the makeup and sweat with a cloth dampened with witch hazel. After a moment he looked up at Eiri in the mirror and set the cloth down.

"Was there something you wanted, Yuki?"

Eiri found himself at a loss for words. He hadn't expected to see Shuichi so broken, and it was breaking him, even if he wouldn't admit it.

"I came to see how you've been."

"I'm fine. You can leave now."

Eiri stared at Shuichi in the mirror, a sudden anger burning inside him. Shuichi had lived with him for two years and he still believed Eiri was nothing more than a cold-hearted bastard. He stepped up behind Shuichi and yanked him out of the chair, turning his face so he could look into Shuichi's vacant violet eyes.

"Don't give me any shit, Shuichi. Look at you." He turned Shuichi toward the mirror again, pulling open the belt of the robe. "Damnit, Shuichi, look!" He put his hand under Shuichi's head, forcing his chin up.

He watched large violet eyes open, saw the moment when Shuichi really looked at himself, when he realized just how bad he was. He saw the tears starting to gather at the corner of Shuichi's eyes and turned him around, gathering him in his arms and sitting down on the couch where he'd been sitting while he waited. He sat, holding Shuichi's tiny, frail body in his arms for a long time while Shuichi sobbed into his shirt. It was something he had rarely done, but something he felt compelled to do now, feeling partly responsible for the brat's current state. Something had obviously happened between him and Tohma, something Eiri felt he should have seen coming, but he just didn't know what exactly it was.

When Shuichi's sobbing subsided he continued to hold him, feeling the change as Shuichi's breathing settled into sleep, occasionally broken by a small hitch. He was still holding him when there was a light knock at the door and K popped his head inside. The annoying American gave a superior smile that caused Eiri to scowl in return. The man was too damned smug for his own good.

"Ah, he's asleep! Good, good. I took the liberty of bringing your car around to a secure entrance. Take care of him, Yuki-san."

"Who said I'd be taking care of him?"

K shook his head, his expression sad. "I can tell just by looking at him he's opened up more to you than to anyone else. He needs you right now. I hope you won't let him down."

Eiri scowled again, deciding not to wonder how K had gotten his keys and found out where he'd parked. Knowing how devious the man was, he'd probably had Eiri followed and his pocket picked. Eiri gathered himself, shifting the slight bundle in his arms as he stood. Shuichi stirred a bit, but settled back against Eiri's shoulder, one hand clutching weakly at the fabric of Eiri's shirt. Eiri followed K silently through the back halls of the stadium, until they reached a larger hallway attached to a loading dock where the truck that carried Bad Luck's equipment and stage sets was parked. His Mercedes was parked nearby, and seemed to have survived being driven by someone else without a scratch. K opened the passenger door, and Eiri settled Shuichi in the seat, buckling the seat belt and leaning the seat back a bit to help keep him in place. Eiri scowled again as K handed him his keys.

"Since you've decided I'm going to have to care for him, make yourself useful. Have some chicken soup, strawberry ice cream, chocolate pudding and strawberry pocky delivered in the morning."

K gave a single booming laugh then assured Eiri that he would, adding that he was giving Shuichi a month-long vacation. Eiri only nodded and got in the car to take Shuichi home with him.

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Ryuichi knocked on the door of Tohma's hotel room and waited. When Tohma didn't answer the door, he knocked again, louder, and waited some more. Forgoing a third knock, he dug out the second key-card he had nabbed off of the table in Tohma's room earlier before they left for the concert and slipped it into the lock. Fortunately, Tohma had not set the chain or the bar lock on the door and he stepped inside, wondering at the dim lighting as he gazed around. He could see Tohma lying back on the bed, lit by the light of the television set to the music channel. As Ryuichi moved further into the room, he winced, clutching tightly to Kumagoro as his foot sent a small, empty bottle rolling across the floor. Hearing it knock gently into several others, Ryuichi knew from experience that Tohma's bill for raiding the mini-bar was going to be high.

He turned his attention briefly to the television and saw a story being replayed that he had seen earlier. Apparently, someone had managed to sneak into the garage under the Tokyo Dome with a video camera and managed to capture Shuichi being carried out, asleep or unconscious, dressed in a long bathrobe and held in Yuki Eiri's arms. Speculation was running rampant among the tabloids and the gossip shows about a possible reunion between the two and the cause of Shuichi's dramatic weight loss. Turning from the TV, he looked at Tohma and frowned. Tohma sat up halfway against the headboard of the bed, his eyes glued to the screen, one hand holding another small bottle of liquor. He hadn't even realized yet that Ryuichi was there, something that bothered the singer. Taking a deep breath, Ryuichi walked across the room and sat Kumagoro down in a chair, then focused his entire attention on Tohma, the childish behavior left behind along with the pink bunny.

He sat slowly on the bed next to Tohma and reached over to take the bottle from limp fingers. No sense in spilling it and adding more to the bill, which was going to be high enough as it was. Tohma's head turned, following the bottle, but it took a moment for him to recognize Ryuichi. Finally, he tried to smile, but it looked sad, all traces of the normal calm expression wiped away by alcohol and depression. Setting the bottle on the bedside table behind him Ryuichi turned back to Tohma, intent now on getting answers from the usually close-lipped man.

"Tohma?"

Tohma's eyes drifted closed and he turned away for a moment before rolling his head back and opening his eyes again. "Yes, Ryuichi?"

"Why are you so sad?"

Tohma heaved a deep sigh and closed his eyes again, pointing at the TV. "Have you seen it, Ryuichi? I lost him, and it's what I was trying to do. It's all my fault, Ryuichi, all of it. I hurt him. All he wanted was to love me and have it returned, and I hurt him."

Tohma's voice faded as he started crying, desperately trying to stop the flow and failing miserably. Ryuichi could only stare in shock, knowing that Tohma must be even more gone that he'd thought, if he was crying. He'd known Tohma for more than ten years, and he had never seen even a hint of moisture in his eyes. Then Tohma's words started to penetrate and he looked sadly at him. He was talking about Shuichi. He was blaming himself for Shuichi's state. Ryuichi had been concerned about Bad Luck's singer before they had started their tour, but Tohma had expressly forbidden him to talk to Shuichi. Now he was starting to understand why, but he needed more information.

"Tohma, what did you do?"

"I hurt him, Ryuichi. He said he loved me and I shunned him, told him he was immature, acted like he meant nothing to me. Why, Ryu? Why did I do that? I'm dying inside, and look what I did to him. I lost him. He'll go back to Eiri now, and I'll never have a chance to tell him I was wrong."

Tohma lunged forward, surprising him with both the familiar nickname he had never heard Tohma utter in all the long years they had known each other and with the sudden hug he threw on Ryuichi. He closed his arms around Tohma's back, rubbing instinctively as Tohma sobbed into his neck. He never would have suspected that Tohma was in love with Shuichi, or even that anything this earth shattering was wrong if he hadn't decided to check on Tohma tonight. Instead, he was finding out new levels of his friend's psyche and his perception was working overtime, filling in the blanks in Tohma's drunken confession. As Tohma's tears slowed, Ryuichi began to think he had passed out when he heard Tohma's voice softly whispering that he was going to be sick.

Ryuichi moved quickly, pulling them both off the bed and dragging Tohma into the bathroom. He barely managed to get his friend's head over the bowl of the toilet before he was sick. Ryuichi sighed, turning his head from the stench and holding Tohma's hair off his forehead with one hand while he gently rubbed his back with the other. When Tohma was finished, he helped the man to stand and leaned him against the sink while he flushed the toilet. He helped Tohma rinse his mouth and frowned at the blood he saw gathered at one edge of Tohma's mouth. He helped him back to the bed and laid him down, pulling back the sheet and settling him. He began to move away, intending to sit on the other side of the room in case Tohma needed him, but stopped when Tohma grabbed desperately at his hand.

"Sit next to me, Ryu. Don't leave me alone."

Ryuichi frowned slightly at the words, at the hint of tears that glistened in the blue-green eyes looking up at him with complete and open trust. He nodded, and climbed onto the bed, settling back against the headboard with the remote in his hand as Tohma continued to hold his other hand and his breathing settled toward sleep. Ryuichi idly flipped through the channels, his brain working too quickly to allow sleep that night. Their last concert of this tour was a week away, in Tokyo, and as soon as it was over, he was going to see Shuichi. He had to know if Shuichi was still in love with Tohma, or if the gossip was true and he had indeed gone back to Yuki-san. After that, he would wait and see what Kumagoro thought before moving on.