Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Have You Ever? ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

(This was just to get me back in the mode of writing fanfiction. Heck, just to get me back into the mode of writing. I hadn't written for awhile. (Nearly a year) It was supposed to be a YukixShuuichi to the chorus of Sara Evan's Perfect, with a little SuguruxShuuichi in the beginning. That was the plan, anyway. It was supposed to be to Perfect, and it was supposed to be YxS. It was NOT supposed to be SxS unrequited to Brandy's Have You Ever? But that's what's happened. Live with it.)



Have You Ever?
Gravitation Songfic



Shuichi picked at the food on his plate with a sigh. Yuki had a business meeting, so he was stuck spending one of his few days off without him. He couldn't believe Yuki hadn't planned today off of all days! With another sigh he glanced down at his food.
"If you're going to be like this all night, I'm going home and practicing." Suguru told him. He was sitting on the opposite side of the table, eating his dinner slowly. He'd invited Suguru and Hiro over, but Hiro had a date. He'd expected Suguru wouldn't come without it being a group event, but the keyboardist had indeed shown up. To say he was shocked didn't even begin to cover it, so the threat wasn't exactly surprising.
"I'm sorry. I guess I'm not good company." Shuichi apologized with a winning smile.
Suguru did not reply right away, as his eyes swept across the flowing pink hair and delicate features of his band's lead singer. Bad Luck's Shuichi was idolized by fans everywhere, and frankly Suguru could see why. There was no denying he was beautiful, and lately he'd figured prominently in a number of Suguru's fantasies. In some ways he was worried about that. After all, even not caring that Shuichi was another boy, or someone he worked with, or really annoying sometimes...there was still the singer's boyfriend Yuki Eiri - who not only had the sum total of Shuichi's affections, but a nasty jealous streak. He figured wild, unattainable daydreams were better than an early end to what was proving to be a very successful career. Which is why he only replied. "Don't worry about it. Hiro and I are used to your mood swings."
Saying something so casual was alot harder than it sounded. I mean, a line like that was open for options of the beyond-friendly kind, and part of Suguru felt like kicking himself for not taking it.
Shuichi laughed a little. "Mood swings? Thanks alot." He shook his head in amusement.
Suguru managed to keep his usual half-smile on. After all, he was usually the taciturn member of the group, so grinning stupidly because he'd gotten Shuuichi to laugh when he knew he wasn't going to see Yuki all night was not an option.




Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever, Have you ever?



It was officially a crush, Suguru decided as he helped wash the dishes after supper. After all, one didn't usually help with the washing up when you were invited over for a night of fun. The problem was what to do now that the food was eaten. Shuichi had suggested a movie, but the thought of sitting next to him on the couch watching a movie had put ideas into his head he didn't need. He knew making a move on his bandmate wasn't an option - so why had he come over tonight? He'd known the whole walk over that it wouldn't be easy to keep his emotions, or hands, to himself.
"I have Nittle Grasper's new video collection. Wanna watch?"
"So we can wither at how far we have to go yet?" Suguru countered.
Shuichi pouted, then tackled his bandmate from behind. "Come on, Suguru! You know you like to watch them perform as much as I do! Please, please, please!!!"
Suguru prayed Shuichi didn't look at his face, because he knew it would be bright red. The feeling of Shuichi pressing against him like this...damn, how could he keep his hands to himself now...'Say no, say you have to go. Saying yes is suicidal...' His mind told him. He wasn't listening to it very well today, though. After all, it had told him not to come over, too. "Sure, we can watch it."
"YAAAAYYY!!!!"



Have you ever been in love?
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand?
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same.
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start



When had all this started? Suguru thought back as he settled into the couch half hoping, half dreading that Shuichi would sit next to him. Back when he'd first joined Bad Luck, he'd told Yuki that he shared his cousin's taste in men. He'd thought Yuki was attractive, with his in-control demeanor, and mature, masculine look. But that had changed. He was sure his cousin would spaz if he knew what kind of thoughts he'd been having about Shuichi.
He was still a little shocked at his own thoughts and feelings. He'd been annoyed with both his bandmates behaviour at first. Though they were both graduated, and he was still in upper secondary, he felt like the adult in the group instead. Somewhere along the line, though, he'd realized he liked it that way. He liked being in control. Hiro he'd adjusted to faster than Shuichi. The guitarist's easy-going manner wasn't hard to get used to. However it made him wonder if he really wanted to be a top band, or if just being in Bad Luck was enough regardless of where their song landed on the charts.
That was where it started, he supposed, when he realized that Shuichi, despite his antics, possessed the same drive for success he did. Possessed the same main goal - to be bigger than Nittle Grasper. To be the top band, to simply be the best. The first time he'd seen them perform, on Quiz de Pon, he'd seen the potential - just like Sakano had. They could be the best. And alot of that was because of Shuichi, not just because he was a good singer, but because he had charisma. Amazing charisma. Gravitational charisma, that sucked you in and never let go. So when he'd overheard his cousin and Noriko talking about the reformation of Nittle Grasper, he'd seized his chance. Did Bad Luck need a keyboardist? He'd been practicing alot lately, he could step in. Just a support member, nothing major.
He hadn't fooled his cousin one bit. He knew he wanted in Bad Luck, and he knew why. Shuichi and he had clashed at first. The singer had been rather obnoxious to him. But he hadn't been worried. He could win him over, he knew he could. And he had, around the time Hiro was planning on quitting the group. It had stung, he remembered, when Shuichi said the fire that filled him and pushed him to sing wasn't brought out by his synth like it was by Hiro's guitar. Despite that, though, he'd said in the press conference that he was their third member - not support, not back-up, their third member. He'd done it, he'd proven himself to him. And he'd realized then that he was just a little too proud, a little too pleased to have done that. Should it have mattered that much, really?
Shuichi hopped onto the couch next to him, too far away for his liking really. "Here we go." He pushed play on the video, and Nittle Grasper's music began to fill the room. "Popcorn?" He offered, holding out the bowl.
"Sure." He took the chance to scoot closer before grabbing a handful of popcorn, almost disappointed in himself for not touching Shuichi instead.



Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever




Nittle Grasper was shining on the tv screen, the overhead light had burnt out, but neither of them had bothered to replace it. "Sakuma-san...so cool..." Shuichi whispered, watching Nittle Grasper's singer as he sang concert-style in one section of one of the videos. The popcorn sat on the side opposite Suguru, and he glanced over - half at it, half at Shuichi.
"Hey, don't forget it's our goal to beat them." He mentioned.
"Doesn't mean I can't appreciate how good they are!" Shuichi grinned, turning back to the concert.
He glanced over as Tohma came onto the screen, playing his keyboard. He was so good. Could he beat that? Really? He reached around behind the singer for another handful of popcorn when he sat up straight - bringing his back and Suguru's arm in contact with eachother. 'It's like having my arm around his shoulders...' He felt himself blush a little.
"Suguru?" He turned to see Shuichi gazing at him, half-worried; half curiuos. He glanced back at his arm then pointedly.
Trying to be nonchalant, he grabbed a handful, withdrawing his arm. "Sorry, got distracted by Tohma." He excused. Shuichi gazed at him a moment longer, his eyes seeming to see more than he should before he turned away.
"S'okay. Accidents happen" He shrugged it off.
Suguru wondered if he was relieved or hurt.



Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care



"Thanks for coming over." Shuichi told him as he ditched what was left of the popcorn, and placed the bowl in the sink to soak.
"Thank-you for inviting me." Suguru replied automatically.
"Don't be so formal." He smiled at him, closing his eyes.
Suguru couldn't help it, he reached out a hand toward his face, his fingertips brushing his cheek. "Shu..."
Shuichi's eyes shot open, his smile disappearing. "Suguru..."
He leaned closer, his eyes locked on his lips. To taste them, just once. To hold him, just this once. Shuichi brought up his hands, and for a moment he thought he might draw him in, but instead he placed them against his chest, pushing away. "Please, Shu-kun..." He whispered, his hands reaching out for his shoulders, trying to draw him in again.
Shuichi only pushed away harder. "Suguru - no."
He released him, allowing him to back away. He couldn't meet his eyes now. "I'm sorry, I better go."
"I think that would be best..." He whispered quietly.
Suguru glanced over then, seeing that Shuichi had his face and gaze averted. "This won't...won't ruin..." He tried to ask.
"Our professional relationship?" Shuichi offered, turning back - his face serious. "No...I seem to have a habit of making my bandmates feel things they shouldn't for me."
That froze him. "...Hiro?"
Shuichi looked away again. "It was before Ayaka...but, yes..."
Well, atleast he had someone he could talk to about this then. He briefly wondered if Hiro was back from his date with Ayaka yet. He needed a friendly ear. 'Why when I knew I'd be rejected did I try something so stupid? Why did an answer I already know hurt so much?' "It's not your fault." He told him. He could almost see the guilt-trip building up inside of Shuichi. The thought that somehow he'd encouraged Hiro and him to feel this way toward him.
He only nodded, and started to lead the way to the front door.
"Shindo-san." He grabbed his arm, and he turned to face him - slightly nervous. Wondering if he was going to try anything again. He didn't, though, He was pretty sure he couldn't take two rejections in one night. "You're gravitational. It's what draws people to Bad Luck. So naturally it draws us in, too. But it's not your fault. It's just the way you are. Everyone knows Eiri-san is the only one for you, you've never pretended otherwise. You've never encouraged anyone else."
He nodded again. "Thank-you. I needed to hear that."



What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby?
What do I gotta do to get to your heart?
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
Cuz baby I can't sleep.



Suguru was pulling on his coat when the door opened, and Yuki entered. He paused, seeing him. "I suppose Hiro's here too." He grouched, closing the door.
"Yuki!!!" Shuichi lept into his arms. "Welcome Home!!"
Suguru turned away, slipping his shoes on. Pretending that it didn't hurt to see the welcome. That he didn't wish it was his arms Shuichi was in. "Hiro had a date." He supplied, heading for the door. "I was just leaving."
"Why?" Yuki looked at him suspiciously.
Suguru prayed that the words 'I tried to kiss your boyfriend' weren't written all over his face. "I've got some mixing to do still, and my equipment's at home." He lied calmly. He was Tohma's cousin, afterall. No way he was going to let Yuki know what had happened. He was pretty sure Shuichi wouldn't say either. Obviously Yuki never knew about Hiro's advances - whatever they had been - because if he did he doubted he'd trust him with Shuichi like he did.
"I'm surprised you came over in the first place." He mentioned casually, but there was still suspicion in his glance.
"Even workaholics take breaks some time." Suguru replied. "Thank-you for inviting me, Shindo-san. And for letting me watch the Grasper Videos."
Yuki rolled is eyes, shoving Shuichi off and heading into the living room. "Ow..." Shuichi rubbed the hip he'd landed on, before turning to Suguru. "Thank-you for coming...Goodnight."
They stood their for a moment longer. silent. "Goodnight." Suguru bowed.
"Goodnight." Shuichi bowed.
"Get out!" Yuki called from the living room.
Shuichi shot a tolerant look that way, before turning back to Suguru. "He's always cranky after a deadline because he's always staying up too long before it to finish the manuscript." He explained.
"What are you saying?" Yuki appeared in the hallway again, frowning.
"Just smoothing over your lack of manners." Shuichi grinned at him.
"There's nothing wrong with my manners."
"Of course not." Shuichi smiled tolerantly.
Yuki glared. "You're just a push over."
Shuichi frowned. "I am not."
The play of words between them was too casual, too familiar. Lovers used to eachother's ways. It hurt to watch, Suguru realized. "Goodnight." He bowed, hurrying out the door.
"Goodnight!" Shuichi called after him.
"Baka! That's the third time you've said that. You can stop anytime now." Yuki's words drifted through the door after him. Against his better judgement he stopped, listening to the scene play out.
"Yuki, go get some sleep."
"What??"
"You're obviously tired."
"I'm just fine. Don't order me around, brat."
"Fine, stay up til you collapse again, but I'm not dragging you to bed this time. You can sleep where you drop."
Suddenly Shuichi squeaked, and Suguru glanced back alarmed, but it was followed soon after by a moan, They were kissing, he realized. He bit his lip, and started to head away when Yuki's last words followed him.
"I'll go to bed then...but you're coming with me..."
His casual walk became a run, not caring what the other tenants thought as they saw him dash through the hallways, seeking the way out. He took the stairs down, running stil even as he emerged onto the street, not caring about the odd looks he knew he was being thrown. In a quiet, empty park he came to a stop, collapsing to the ground. A drop fell on his clenched hands. He was crying, he realized then. Probably had been the whole time he'd been running.
But he'd already known Shuichi was taken, so why did it hurt so much? He wondered again. He supposed it didn't matter that he already knew, his feelings for Shuichi were still there, whether he returned them or not. Whether he was taken or not. He realized where he was then. And it hit him that this was the park Shuichi had probably met Yuki in. Sobs shook his frame and he curled his legs up and hid his face in them. Hiding the tears since he couldn't seem to get them to stop.



Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever, Have you ever?



AN: I didn't realize I'd mixed the manga and the anime until after I reread it, and I like it too much to fix it up, so I'm leaving it. I'm guessing Suguru's a little OOC, but in one way you really get so little of him it's hard to say. Besides, even in manga you only get so much of what's going on behind someone's outside face, so it's possible this isn't OOC.
I know SxS is an odd pairing, even for an unrequited romance, but I've read a few, which got my mind working. And then I just thought it made sense since they both had the same goal. I mean, Hiro tells Shuichi (in the manga) as long as he gets to play with him he's happy. So in one way Hiro doesn't share the drive to be the best, that's shared by Suguru and Shuichi. And I also just thought it would be ironic if both his bandmates had feelings for him.
I don't think Shuichi was OOC about Suguru's advances because I think if both Hiro and Suguru had come onto him he would begin to wonder if he was encouraging it, and that would make him feel guilty.
Okay, this is only a one-shot. So I hope everyone enjoyed it, even though it's rather depressing in a way.



Salmon 2004