Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ In My Life ❯ Lovers and Friends ( Chapter 4 )

Useless rubbish: Sha sha sha! Ultra ninja Spazz is back with another chapter! Sorry the last one ended on such a downer, I guess if I’d planned it better so I could have actually completed the flashback then things would have turned out happier. But not to worry! In this chapter we get the continuation of that flashback starting from the following morning, and then things get sappy and silly again...why do my fics always turn out that way?

Eiri: Because you’re a hopelessly cheesy author who can only write the same type of thing over and over.

Spazz: Coming from the man who specializes in tragic love stories...anyway, here’s the next batch of goodness. Please have your fill!

Disclaimer, courtesy of Touma: “Anyone who lays claim to my precious Eiri-san shall face my divine wrath! Go forth, my demon army, and devour the unworthy fangirls! Mwa ha ha ha ha!”

Chapter completed: 2005.05.09

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In My Life

Chapter 4: Lovers and Friends

Written by: Sailorspazz

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Before even realizing that he had fallen asleep, Shuuichi was awakened by the sound of the telephone ringing. He was a bit sore from the previous night and didn’t feel much like getting up to answer it, so he let the answering machine pick up the call. He was feeling fully awake now, though, and didn’t think he would be able to fall back asleep. It was light outside and he was probably already late for work, but he didn’t really care. He doubted anyone had expected him to be on time today anyway, seeing as how he’d had to cram all of his birthday plans with Eiri into a single nighttime. He smiled as he thought back to the night before. Things had gone even better than he had expected. It had been fun to watch Eiri become so overcome with passion that he lost control of himself. Shuuichi hadn’t known he was even capable of having that effect on his lover, but apparently anything was possible as long as he concentrated on keeping himself in control.

He looked down to the sleeping man’s face still nestled against his chest. Even though Eiri often told him he didn’t like to snuggle, more often than not it was actually Eiri who ended up gravitating toward Shuuichi during the night. He softly placed a kiss on his lover’s forehead, causing the older man to stir and shift his face up to the pillow. Having easier access to Eiri’s face, Shuuichi placed his lips directly on his lover’s. The amber eyes fluttered open and strong arms wrapped around him as Eiri returned the kiss gently. “Morning, brat.”

“Morning, sourpuss,” Shuuichi said with a giggle as he pressed his mouth against Eiri’s again. The kiss quickly grew deeper and more passionate as the blonde rolled on top of the younger man. Shuuichi felt a stiff object pressing against his thigh. “You’re awfully frisky for having just woken up.”

“Shut up,” Eiri snapped, silencing the younger man with another smoldering kiss. He paused momentarily in his ravenous attack on his lover’s lips when he heard the doorbell ring, but ignored it and continued unabated.

“Hey,” Shuuichi managed to squeeze in between kisses, “aren’t you going to answer that?”

Eiri smirked. “They can come back later.” His hands began to roam Shuuichi’s body, and he could feel the younger man spreading his legs beneath him, urging him to go on.

“Oh, my, Eiri-san. I don’t suppose it’s your fault that Shindou-san is late to work so often, is it?”

Both men’s heads snapped toward the door where they were shocked to find the slight form of Seguchi Touma standing there, wearing his usual amiable smile.

Shuuichi sat straight up in bed. “S-S-Seguchi-san! G-good morning!” he stammered, bowing as much as was possible in his current position.

Eiri bonked his lover on the head. “Don’t worry about formalities at a time like this!” He aimed a venomous glare to the uninvited guest standing in the doorway. He growled menacingly, “Seguchi...”

“Good morning, Eiri-san, and happy belated birthday. It’s good to see you, although I must say you don’t look too happy to see me.” Obviously Touma was unaffected by Eiri’s attempt to be intimidating.

Eiri placed a finger against the throbbing vein bursting from his forehead. “I have three questions for you, Seguchi. The first one is, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Well, you told me that you didn’t want to do anything on your birthday, so I thought I would take you out to lunch today to celebrate.”

“I see. My second question is, how the hell did you get into my house? I’m quite sure there are only two copies of the key to this place, and I sure as hell didn’t give the other one to you.”

“Well, Shindou-san doesn’t always take great care guarding his things while he’s at work. It’s only natural to assume that someone might be able to get into his bag and, say, make a copy of his house key while he’s not paying attention.”

Another vein popped up on the other side of Eiri’s head. “I see. My third question is...well, it’s not really a question so much as a statement...”

“What is it, Eiri-san?” Touma found himself being hit square in the face by a flying pillow.

“Get the hell out of my room! If you didn’t notice, I was about to have sex with Shuuichi when you walked in, and I still fully intend to do so.”

“W-WHAT?!” the younger man yelped, turning bright red as Eiri climbed on top of him again. “Come on, Yuki, you can’t be-” Shuuichi was cut off by Eiri’s lips before he could finish his sentence.

“Things are about to get pretty hot and heavy here. You can stay and watch if you want.” Eiri turned back to Shuuichi and began to make out with him again. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Touma was still standing in the doorway. “That was sarcasm, not an invitation you goddamn pervert! Go wait in the living room or something until we’re done!” Touma finally left the room, leaving the two lovers to themselves.

“Hey, Yuki, you’re not serious about this, are you?”

“Of course I am. I know Seguchi doesn’t completely approve of you, and doing this will really piss him off.”

“I don’t want to piss him off! He’s my boss!”

“Well, he’s my nosy brother-in-law, and I do want to piss him off. I believe my reasoning takes precedence here.” He proceeded to cover his lover’s neck with kisses.

“Wah, Yuki, knock it off! This is so embarrassing!”

“Oh, come on. What happened to my sexy, slutty little exhibitionist from last night?”

“You know that was just an act! I’m not really like that!”

“Oh, I think I can prove that you are...”

From his position in the living room, Touma could here the muffled protests of his brother-in-law’s lover, but it wasn’t long before he started hearing entirely different sorts of noises coming from the young man. He could also hear Eiri practically narrating the whole experience, saying things like “Oh yeah, work it Shuuichi!” and letting out all sorts of animalistic whoops and shouts. He doubted that a stoic man like Eiri was normally so noisy during sex and was most likely just hyping up the performance to get to Touma. After some time had passed, the two men emerged from their bedroom, Eiri jauntily smoking a cigarette with his arm draped over a very embarrassed looking Shuuichi. “Woo, that was fun. So, you ready to go eat now, Seguchi? I know I sure worked up an appetite.”

Touma plastered on a fake smile to try to cover up his twitching eye. “Yes, let’s be off now. I figured we could go eat at a place near N-G and drop Shindou-san off there so he can at least get some work done today.” The still bright red-faced young man cowered at the cutting words of his boss.

The three men piled into Touma’s car and made their way to N-G Studios, where they parked in his designated presidential parking space right near the entrance. He pointed across the street to a cafe. “That’s the place where I was thinking of taking you, Eiri-san. Is that all right with you?”

“Should be fine.”

Shuuichi turned to go into the building as the two older men waited to cross the street. “Well, I should be going now. I’ll see you later, Yuki.” Before he reached the door, he was stunned as Eiri grabbed him and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

“Have fun at work today,” the older man practically purred.

Shuuichi barely resisted the urge to drag Eiri back to the apartment and not allow him leave the bedroom for the rest of the day. He was only stopped by the fact that Touma was standing right next to him, and he figured it probably wasn’t the best idea to blow off work right in front of his boss. He was still so shocked that Eiri had kissed him in public that he had trouble forming coherent thoughts, let alone words. “I...um...okay.” The younger man disappeared inside the building, and the squeal he emitted once the door was shut could have been heard for blocks. Eiri chuckled and lit up a new cigarette as the signal changed and the two men crossed the street.

Touma looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “I bet every photographer in Tokyo is sorry they missed that.”

“They’re always crawling around like cockroaches. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone did catch it on film.”

“You don’t mind?”

Eiri shrugged. “It’s not like it’s a secret anymore. If anything, it'd get him more publicity. I just felt like sending him off to work happy. I’ve heard he works harder when I’ve been nice to him.”

“Either that, or he’s so spaced out with giddiness that he can’t get anything done. I have a feeling today will end up being the latter.” The two blondes sat down in the cafe and ordered coffees. “So, I take it you had an enjoyable time with Shindou-san last night?” Touma hadn’t failed to notice the leather thong and tens of thousands of yen scattered across the bedroom floor.

Eiri took a drag from his cigarette to cover up the smile that had crept onto his face uninvited. “Shuuichi had some interesting things planned for me. He bought me some dessert and gave me a special present.”

Despite Eiri’s best efforts to cover it up, Touma could plainly see the joy in the younger blonde’s eyes. It caused a smile--a real one--to come to his own face. It had been a long time since he had seen Eiri this happy. On the day of Eiri’s rape, Touma had believed that the younger man could never be as happy as he had been prior to that fateful day, but Shuuichi’s influence was obviously more powerful than anything he had ever imagined. Eiri’s life had now been changed forever in a good way.

Touma rested his face against his hands and gave Eiri a sly look. “You really love Shindou-san, don’t you?” Eiri took a sip of his coffee to avoid answering the question, but the blush on his face clearly telegraphed the answer to the older man. “I’m sure you know that I haven’t always completely approved of your relationship with him.”

“And I’m sure you know I don’t give a damn what you think.”

Touma chuckled. “You’re so defensive when it comes to that young man. Now, if you’ll allow me to finish what I was saying...” Touma cleared his throat. “I may not have always approved of your seeing him because of the stress caused by both the personality differences between you and the media’s fixation on your relationship. However, I can see now that he makes you happier than anyone else ever has. Despite the problems between you two, I believe you’re better off with him than without him.”

“Well, good for you for thinking that, but I hardly need your permission to continue seeing him. What’s your point?”

“I’m saying that I’m happy to see that he has changed your life for the better, but I can’t help but wonder exactly how much you have healed since back then. Have you told Shindou-san how you feel about him?”

Eiri sighed. Did he really want to tell Touma about his problems? Confiding in him seemed to make the older man believe he had every right to meddle in Eiri’s life even more (apparently even to the point of making unauthorized copies of the key to his apartment), but Touma was the only one he felt comfortable talking to about his past. “I can’t. I can’t because of him. When I think of how I feel about Shuuichi, the memories of when I almost confessed my feelings to him come flooding back to me. It’s not a pleasant feeling, I can tell you that. It’s hard to imagine anything good coming from such a confession when things went so wrong the first time I tried it.”

“Shindou-san loves you, Eiri-san. I cannot imagine that he would ever betray you.”

Eiri sighed again. “I know that. But knowing something and being able to truly believe it are two entirely different things. I know Shuuichi would never do anything to harm me, but I never imagined that Kitazawa would try to hurt me, either.” Eiri stared down into his coffee cup. “And that’s not the only problem. I know they’re two very different people, but I have trouble distinguishing my feelings for Shuuichi and Kitazawa. The emotions are the same, so they get mixed up with each other. In my mind Shuuichi’s presence makes it almost seem like Kitazawa is still alive, which means I didn’t kill him, and that’s a comfort to me. It helps me forget about all the bad things that happened.”

Touma sighed and rested his forehead against his hands. “Oh, Eiri-san...I wish I could understand why you remain so hung up on him after all these years. I don’t know whether you are capable of doing so at this point, but the best advice I can give you is to close your heart to that man and open it up completely to Shindou-san. I believe that is the best way for both of you to be happy.”

“But I don’t know if I can ever forget him...” A long silence followed, and Eiri decided he was tired of talking about himself. “So, how’s my sister doing? Is everything going well with her pregnancy?”

Touma’s demeanor changed completely at those words. “Oh, yes, things seem to be going really well. The baby appears to be developing right on schedule. We’ve decided to not have the doctors tell us the gender. I have a feeling that it will be a girl, and I’ve been thinking a lot about names lately.” There was an obvious timbre of pride and joy in the older man’s voice as he proceeded to gush on about the plans he and Mika had for their soon-to-be addition to the family. Eiri couldn’t help but feel relieved that Touma would soon have someone else to smother with all the love and protectiveness that he had spent many years dumping solely onto Eiri.

As he began to get bored with Touma’s talk about baby plans, his mind drifted back to his problems again. Forgetting about Yuki was easier said than done. He would probably be unable to do it unless he received a major push from somewhere...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He definitely got that push the night Shuuichi confronted him after he figured out that Eiri was using him as a replacement for Yuki. The fact that his lover walked out on him because of it finally shocked him into the realization that he really risked losing Shuuichi if he didn’t change his way of thinking. He told Shuuichi that even if he was a replacement for Yuki, there was no replacement for him, and he really meant it. It was around that time that he decided he had to go back to New York and make a serious effort to really close off his heart to his first love. But even now as he was standing on a sidewalk in the Big Apple smoking his cigarette down to the filter he wasn’t sure how ready he was to go through with saying goodbye to Yuki. Despite his reservations, he knew it was a necessary step in moving forward with Shuuichi.

Once he had sucked every last possible puff from his cigarette, Eiri reentered the restaurant where he joined his lover at their booth. “Did the waitress come back?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you order me?”

“Spaghetti.”

“We’re all the way across the world in an authentic New York Italian restaurant and you order me plain old spaghetti? What did you get for yourself?”

“Spaghetti.” He saw Eiri give him a quizzical look and whined, “It was the only thing on the menu I understood! And it’s not like anyone here speaks Japanese.”

Eiri realized that he should have known better than to leave Shuuichi alone in an English speaking environment. The younger man had nearly failed that subject along with all of the others except for music and P.E. when he (barely) graduated from high school. What had Eiri been thinking? All he could do was shake his head and chuckle. “You’re such a dumbass.”

Shuuichi pouted. “I ordered you a beer, too. It took me a while to figure out that they wanted to see my ID.”

“It’s a good thing you turned twenty-one recently. That’s the drinking age here, and they’re pretty strict about enforcing it.”

“Yeah, the waitress seemed pretty surprised to see how old I was. If I understood her right, I think she said I looked like I was sixteen.”

“Well, Americans usually think that Asians look pretty young as it is, and you look even younger than the average Japanese person your age.”

“So is everyone going to be assuming you’re a pedophile when we get all lovey dovey in public?”

“I guess I look a little...hey, wait, when did I ever agree to get ‘lovey dovey’ in public with you?”

“Aww, come on, we’re in America now! Aren’t Americans used to seeing gay guys holding hands on the sidewalk?”

“Things are a bit more complicated than that. Sure, there’d be some who would cheer us on, and crazy fangirls like Rage-chan who would want to take pictures, but there’d also be people who would give us dirty looks and start quoting Bible verses about the horrible sin of homosexuality.”

Shuuichi looked down. “And here I thought we’d get to act differently in public than we did in Japan.”

Eiri grabbed his lover’s hand from across the table and gave it a light kiss. “Well, I’m sure these Americans can handle seeing a little bit of man-on-man affection.” He was delighted to see the smile accompanied by a soft blush that illuminated his lover’s face. Shuuichi was just so cute, and his joyful reactions were almost as adorable as the way he pouted when Eiri was mean to him. Most of what he said or did to Shuuichi was purely for the purpose of getting a reaction out of him, and sometimes Eiri had a tough time deciding which reaction was his favorite.

The two men completed their simple meal and returned to their room, where Shuuichi turned on the TV and started flipping through channels to see if he could find anything he actually understood. He finally settled on a show where people were singing on a stage. “This looks good. What is it?”

Eiri examined the many logos emblazoned on the set of the show. “It’s called American Idol. It’s a singing competition, or something.”

“Wow, how cool! Being on a show like this would’ve been much better than all the game shows and cooking shows I’ve had to go on. This is something I could actually do good at.”

“Maybe, if you think people like listening to crap.”

Shuuichi puffed up his cheeks. “Why, you! You’ll pay for that!” The pink-haired man got an evil glint in his eyes as he came toward his lover with wiggling fingers.

Eiri’s eyes widened. “Don’t you dare try it, Shuuichi! I swear I’ll kick you in the nuts if you do.”

“Oh, come on! You need some punishment for being mean to me so often. Just for a few seconds? Pweeease?” His eyes began to tear up in a sickeningly adorable manner.

The older man rolled his eyes. “Fine, you get five seconds. That’s all!” Eiri laid back on the bed and braced himself for Shuuichi’s favorite form of punishing him. He began to laugh uncontrollably as his lover’s fingers began to tickle his stomach mercilessly. Shuuichi absolutely loved hearing Eiri laugh, but the aloof man very rarely did so, and tickling him was the only surefire way he knew of to get anything more than a derisive chuckle out of him. “Okay, it’s been long enough! Stop!”

Shuuichi smiled and gave his lover a kiss on the nose. “Maybe now you’ll think twice about insulting me.” He went back to his previous position on the bed and began staring at the television once more.

Eiri rose from the bed. “I’m going out on the balcony for a cigarette.” Once he was alone again, he couldn’t help but shake his head. When had he grown so soft? What in the world compelled him to let Shuuichi do silly things like tickle him for punishment when they both knew damn well it would do nothing to stem Eiri’s biting insults? Not too long ago he would have berated the younger man for even thinking he had the right to do such things, but now he was pretty much letting Shuuichi do anything he wanted to him. ‘Trust,’ the word came to his mind. He had spent years not trusting anyone, believing that others were only out to either use him or hurt him. Shuuichi came crashing violently through the barriers he had erected in self-defense, and now he found that he trusted the young man more than anyone else in his life. Not too long ago he had unwittingly put his lover to the ultimate test in proving how much Eiri could trust him...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“You would suck at it.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do.”

“But how?”

Neither one of them was sure how the conversation had started, and now it seemed to be stuck in an endless loop. For some bizarre reason, they had ended up talking about what it would be like if Eiri and Shuuichi broke up and Shuuichi had to go out and pick up girls. Eiri was quite sure that his lover would be grossly incompetent at such an activity, and Shuuichi had quickly become defensive about the matter, mostly because he was upset that Eiri never seemed to believe he could do anything right.

“Listen, Shuuichi, you don’t know how to deal with women. You’re gay.”

“I’m not gay! I used to like girls before I met you.”

“Do you like them now?”

“...No...”

“Then you’re gay.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m attracted to other guys, either. I’m guess I’m neither straight nor gay, I’m just in love with you. I'm like a 'Yuki-sexual' or something.”

Eiri snorted at his lover's invented word as he took a drag from the cigarette dangling from his lips. “All of this is irrelevant anyway. You’re famous now, and a lot of women will do anything to bed a celebrity. It won’t even matter if you can’t pick up chicks worth a damn.”

“Like I said, how do you know I can’t do it?”

“Okay, how about this: I’ll show you what kind of scenario you might encounter assuming you were single and looking for a girl to take home. If you can handle the attention of a typical star-struck horny fangirl, then maybe I’ll consider saying you could have some skill at handling women.”

“So how exactly are you going to show me that?”

“By acting it out.”

“You can act?”

“Of course. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m good at everything. Now, pretend you’re sitting in a bar.” Eiri stepped back and then cautiously approached Shuuichi with an entirely different demeanor than normal. “Excuse me, but are you Shindou-san of Bad Luck?”

He felt a little strange pretending like he had never met the man he lived with, but he smiled and played along. “Why, yes I am.”

Eiri’s eyes went wide with what amusingly looked very much like girlish glee. “You are? Oh, my god, this is so cool! I have all your albums, and I even have a poster of you in my room! Can I have your autograph?”

“Sure thing. Why don’t you sit down and join me?”

“Thank you so much, Shindou-san.”

“You can call me Shuuichi. And your name is...?”

“Sugishita Yukiko. You can call me Yukiko.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Yukiko-chan. So, how long have you been a fan of Bad Luck?”

“Since the very beginning. I went out and bought your single the first day it was on sale, and I’ve loved everything you’ve done ever since. I must confess, Shuuichi-san, I always thought you were the cutest one.” ‘Yukiko’ eyed the young singer hungrily. “It looks like you’re even cuter in person.”

“Why, thank you,” Shuuichi said, laughing awkwardly. Though it was unmistakably Eiri sitting next to him, with the way he was acting Shuuichi could almost believe he was another person. He felt a bit uneasy with the way that someone playing the role of a stranger could be looking at him as a sexual object so readily. Was this what Eiri had gone through before he started seeing Shuuichi? His exaggerated behavior seemed to be an indication that this was a scenario he had known all too well, only Eiri was playing the other side for once.

The conversation continued with Eiri acting like a flirtatious girl and Shuuichi feeling amused and disturbed at his lover’s acting skills. ‘Dammit, he really is good at everything...” The deep baritone voice was the same as always, but the tone and word usage sounded convincingly feminine, an odd juxtaposition to say the least. The way he claimed that everything Shuuichi said was “interesting” and “fascinating” was, in an oxymoronic way, genuinely fake. And his eyes looked very much like he imagined a star-struck fan hoping to get more out of her favorite rock star than just an autograph would.

“Wow, that’s so interesting. Say, Shuuichi-san, I’ve always wondered how big celebrities like yourself live. Do you have, like, a huge mansion or something?”

“Eh? No, no, nothing like that. I mean, my place is pretty big, but it’s nothing too fancy.”

“I’d really love to see it.”

Shuuichi balked at those words. Were girls really so forward as to practically invite themselves to guy’s houses? He shook his head in determination. He couldn’t waver now, he was supposed to be proving to Eiri that he could handle women. Shuuichi wrapped an arm around his ‘conquest’. “I could take you there and show you if want, Yukiko-chan.”

‘Yukiko’ smiled. “That would be great.” Pretending that they had entered through the front door, Shuuichi proceeded to show his ‘guest’ around the apartment. Nothing seemed to catch the interest of his ‘fan’...until they reached the bedroom. “Ooh, what a nice big bed you have.” His ‘guest’ wasted no time going over to the piece of furniture in question and getting comfortable. “It’s so soft, too.” ‘Yukiko’ looked at Shuuichi expectantly.

‘Oh, crap, what am I supposed to do now? Do I use a pick up line or something?’ Shuuichi thought. He decided to try it and cleared his throat. “The better to, uh, sleep with you on?” ‘Oh yeah, that sounded convincing,’ Shuuichi mentally berated himself.

‘Yukiko’, on the other hand, seemed pleased with the offer. “Well, why don’t you get over here, then?” Shuuichi made his way over to the bed and began to kiss his lover. He had expected that at least this should feel familiar, but it didn’t. Eiri was apparently using his acting skills to the point where he had even changed the way he kissed. It was much less aggressive and forceful than usual, making Shuuichi be more assertive than he usually had to be. He found himself being pulled down until he was lying on top of the other man. “Oh, Shuuichi-san. Make love to me right now.”

The size of the younger man’s eyes increased many times over. “What?! Yuki, are you serious?”

The blonde looked up at him, his eyes showing no signs of breaking character. “Who’s Yuki?” He began to undress his shocked lover and, once Shuuichi got over the surprise that one of the curiosities he’d held for quite some time was actually going to happen, he began to remove Eiri’s clothes as well. Shuuichi seemed hesitant to continue, so Eiri inserted his lover’s fingers into his mouth to get a little lubrication and spread his legs to give the younger man better access to himself. “Come on. Do it.” Just one of Shuuichi’s slender digits proved to be a tight fit inside the man who had only been on the receiving end of anal sex one time while being raped. Even though the sensation was very different from that time, his mind began to recreate the scenario...the stranger forcing him down to the floor...the cold sensation of the gun against his head...his teacher looking on with sick delight. Eiri was coming very close to freaking out, his breath coming in short gasps. He wondered whether this is what Shuuichi felt like the first time they had sex after his rape orchestrated by Aizawa Taki of Ask. Of course he hadn’t thought to ask at the time; he was too busy playing Mr. Heartless Prick extraordinaire. Now he felt guilty about his lack of concern for Shuuichi’s feelings back then.

The younger man sensed something was wrong with his lover. “It’s okay if you want to stop, Yuki. We don’t have to do this.”

He didn’t want to let his past keep holding him back. He wrapped his arms around Shuuichi’s neck and kissed him deeply. “But Yukiko does want to do this.” He guided his lover’s hand over to the jar of lube on the nightstand and saw that Shuuichi was still hesitating. “I’m not going to do all the work for you.” He watched with some amusement as Shuuichi awkwardly applied lubrication to his own penis for the first time. Eiri braced himself as his lover attempted to enter him as slowly and gently as possible. It hurt a bit, but not nearly as much as when his virginity had been taken from him by force. Still, the memories of that incident continued to plague his mind.

“It’s all right, Yuki...ko-chan. I promise I’ll make you feel good.”

Yes, there was no reason to make comparisons to that time. Shuuichi wasn’t trying to hurt him, he wasn’t using him, and he wasn’t going to betray him.

‘He loves me...’

The younger man quickened the pace of his movements, still taking care to be gentle enough so that he didn’t cause his lover too much pain. Eiri was beginning to feel positive sensations as the pain started to subside, and felt an even more intense rush of pleasure as Shuuichi took hold of his erection and stroked it in time with the rhythm of his thrusting. It wasn’t long before the younger man let out a moan as he released his ejaculate into his lover’s body, and he continued to work Eiri with his hand until he also reached orgasm.

Shuuichi immediately looked to his lover with wide-eyed concern after they were finished. “Are you okay, Yuki? Are you hurt? Do you need me to do anything for you?”

“I’m a little sore, but I should be fine. It’s not like you could do any serious damage to me, even if you tried.” Eiri lit up a cigarette as he settled into bed. “Oh, and by the way, you failed.”

“Eh?”

“The test to see how you deal with women. You failed. Your pickup lines weren’t great, you didn’t give enough compliments, and you completely lacked confidence.”

“Well, that’s to be expected. I mean, that was my first time, you know, doing it like that,” Shuuichi said with a blush.

“I’m not just talking about the sex. You were hesitant about every move you made the whole time. Hell, I even had to help you along at some points.”

“Well, fine. So I do suck at dealing with women!” Shuuichi snuggled up to his lover and said softly, “Here’s hoping I never have to do it for real...”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Eiri could find two different interpretations of the words his lover had said that night. He could either mean that he didn’t want to deal with women because he had seen how bad he was at it, or that he wished he and Eiri would never break up. Knowing Shuuichi it was probably the latter, and Eiri wasn’t sure what to say when his lover talked about the two of them being together forever. How could he be so sure that they were meant for each other? Then again, Shuuichi could probably ask the opposite question of how could Eiri not be confident in the future of their relationship. Sure, they had problems, but they had managed to work most of their differences out. As Touma had pointed out the day after his birthday, Shuuichi made him happier than anyone else ever had. Eiri knew he loved the younger man, even though he had never told him. And, perhaps the biggest indicator of how important Shuuichi was to him, he trusted him completely. He had never, ever imagined that he would trust another human being enough to allow them have their way with him after what happened to him in the past. But, in a rather spontaneous decision during some wacky role-playing, he had easily decided to allow his lover to take command during sex. Shuuichi may have failed the test of how to be successful with women, but he had passed the unplanned test of proving he was worthy of Eiri’s trust with flying colors. It was first time Eiri himself realized how much faith he had in Shuuichi. He was no longer afraid of being betrayed by him.

So what was holding him back from saying that he believed he and Shuuichi could spend the rest of their lives together? It was the same old reason as always: Kitazawa Yuki. The memory of that man still haunted him, and he hoped that he would finally be able to banish him from his heart. But would he be able to do it after so many years? How would Shuuichi react if he told him he would have to share Eiri with a dead man for the rest of his life? He would probably decide that he didn’t want to put up with him anymore and leave once and for all, and that scared Eiri more than anything.

Eiri finished his cigarette and went back into the room to find Shuuichi asleep on the bed with the television still blaring with the sounds of American Idol. He watched as a singer finished a song he didn’t recognize as the audience gave a round of rousing applause (undeserved, in Eiri’s opinion). He was about to turn off the TV and go to sleep when he heard the beginning of a song he remembered hearing a long time ago when Touma had played some old records by a band called The Beatles for him.

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

He gazed at his lover’s sleeping form and smiled as he repeated the last line in his head. ‘I love you more.’ He really did love Shuuichi more than anyone else he had encountered in his life. The young man deserved to be shown once and for all how much he meant to Eiri. The only place he could do that at was Kitazawa Yuki’s grave.

* * * * * * * * * *

Spazz: Aaaand we’re done with the flashbacks! Seriously, Yuki-sama’s finally done reflecting!

Eiri: About goddamn time.

Spazz: Next chapter (which could be either the last or second to last, depending on how wordy I get) will take place entirely within the present day. Whee, how fun. Anyways, some fun comments about this chapter...I know they don’t usually sing full songs on American Idol (and I just outed myself as a reality show geek by saying that ^_^;; For even more geeky fun, is there anyone who recognized another reality show reference in an earlier chapter? I slipped one in that was quite a bit more obscure), but I just felt like it might be a fun way to have him listen to the song that shares the title of this fic (my original plan had him hearing it on the radio, but fics do things on their own that writers have no control over!) But who cares about that when this chapter has a much more interesting tidbit in it. Two words: Shuuichi seme.

Shuuichi: Woo hoo! I’m awesome!

Eiri: ...

Spazz: Yes, it needed to be made clear once and for all that Shuu-chan is not just some chick with a dick. He has manly neeeeds, dammit! Okay, if I’m going to be truthful here, the reason I wrote that scene was not for the Shuuichi seme, it was for the joy that is Eiri uke. Remix #5 is teh rule my world.

Eiri: *Throbbing vein* ...!

Spazz: Anyway, it’s weird how the sex scenes between this chapter and the last one ended up being so different. The last one was all sexy fun, while this one was all emotional and shit. This fic is, like, Ryuuichi level bipolar.

Ryuuichi: What? Bipolar? But I only have one pole, see? *Pulls down pants*

Spazz: Oh...my...god. Is it wrong for me to look?

Shuuichi: Kya, no, Sakuma-san! We can’t do this, I have a husband!

Eiri: *Multiple throbbing veins* ...!!!!

Spazz: Uh, I don’t think Yuki-sama can take much more of this before he explodes into crazy rage, so I’ll just end it here. Be sure to come back next time for more awesome action Action ACTION!