Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ On the Outside ❯ Chapter Two ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Author's Notes: I had to make up the ages. I know they're likely wrong, but I did the best I could! >< (And you'll know to which paragraph I mean when you read it.)

Chapter Two

I woke up feeling like I'd fallen asleep on a steel beam. Rubbing the small of my back, trying to massage some feeling back into my spine, I glared at the couch. Mika had told me that when Shuuichi first moved in with Eiri, he spent most of his nights on the couch. How he'd managed I had no idea. The thing was a damn rock.

Sighing, I tucked my hands behind my head and stared up at the ceiling. I didn't have any problem with my brother moving in with another guy. That I've always been open-minded to, or else, naturally, I wouldn't be as obsessed with Sakuma Ryuuichi as I am. But it was kind of strange at the time. Hard to get adjusted to. I knew about the five million and a half women Eiri fooled around with; another half of that usually came to me after him. But it'd never been a guy before.

I liked Shuuichi the second I met him. It's hard not to like a guy that shares an obsession, you know. But it wasn't just because of Nittle Grasper. Something about him just kind of struck me. I thought maybe he could help Eiri.

I rolled over onto my side. Not like Eiri and I were ever close. I was ten when he went to New York and when he came back, he was someone completely different. But I've always thought no matter how much a person changes or what they do, if they're family, you're stuck with them and you have to care about them anyway. Mika could divorce her husband and decide to move to America to become a Las Vegas showgirl and I'd say more power to her. I guess that's why Eiri and Shuuichi living together didn't bother me as much as it did her and my dad.

She was just worried about him. Mika's always had to be the protector for us. She was even nastier to all those women Eiri would drag back to his apartment than she ever was with Shuuichi. She does it for me too. Which is why a hell of a lot of the girls I know refuse to hang out around me anymore. The Mikarin Monster might come and eat them, don't you know?

I could hear the sound of fingers typing away at the keyboard. The more distant sound of Shuuichi snoring drifted down the hall. I sat up, stretched my arms behind my back, and glanced around. What'd they do for breakfast around here?

Eiri had said not to bother him while writing. Not wanting to tempt the demon, I went into the kitchen and rummaged around the cabinets. No cereal. What the hell kind of place was this? There was some packets of oatmeal shoved into the back of the cabinet, but a glance at them made me wonder if they were radioactive. Eiri'd probably had those ever since he moved in.

A search through the fridge found some eggs, cheese, and milk. Scrambled eggs I could manage to make.

At least I thought I could. By the time I was done, it looked more like I had tried to cook a five course meal. Just proof that guys should never be allowed in the kitchen.

"You idiot," a voice said. "What are you doing?"

"I made eggs," I said, triumphantly. Hey, I'd never managed to cook something that wasn't burned. I was proud of myself.

Eiri wasn't much amused.

"Idiot," he murmured, but much to my relief, it was said in less harsh of a tone. He stepped into the kitchen and started cleaning up the mess I had made.

"I was gonna do that," I said.

"Just eat."

It was one of those 'do as I say or be eaten alive' tones. So of course I did as he said. I plopped down at the table and indulged in my scrambled eggs. Which really weren't the greatest thing I had ever eaten, and I managed to crunch down on a few pieces of shell I'd somehow left behind, but hey. I'd made it myself. I shoveled it all down as sort of a tribute to it.

And later blamed the 'oh my God just let me die' pain I had in my stomach on that.

But anyway.

I washed down my scrambled eggs and shell pieces with a glass of orange juice. Eiri had finished cleaning up the kitchen by then, and I could hear the sound of the shower running down the hall. Shuuichi was up.

I leaned against the kitchen counter, watching him in this thing I constantly have to get on his case about called 'normalcy.' You'd think, given a guy with Eiri's hard-to-please personality, and tendency to be kind of flighty, he'd hate having a normal life. I mean, as normal as it can get. He is living with another guy, who just so happens to be a complete lunatic, and a popular singer on top of that. But it's amazingly normal for the most part. Really very domestic.

"Aww," I said, "I can't wait til you guys get married and really get on with this happy couple thing."

He raised an eyebrow at me. One of those, 'what the hell are you talking about, you idiot?' expressions.

"'cause it looks like you've got most of it down," I continued. "You stay home and take care of the house, he goes off to work and makes the money..." My eyes lit up. "Hey, that kind of makes you the wife, huh?"

He hurtled the towel he was holding in his hands at my face. For a towel, you would think that it wouldn't hurt too much. Not when Eiri is throwing it. Knowing him, he probably snuck a knife in there before launching.

"Aww, c'mon, big brother, I'm just messing around."

"Shut up," he muttered.

He glanced around the kitchen, as though suspecting to find another mess of mine lurking somewhere, but apparently satisfied with what he saw he turned and walked out of the kitchen. Shuuichi was coming down the hall as he headed back into his study. He lifted a hand, ran his fingers carelessly through Shuuichi's hair, and kept walking. Shuuichi looked like a toddler with his grubby hand in the cookie jar.

To anyone else it might have looked like just what it was, just some careless gesture of affection. But not with my brother. That rare of a gesture means something when it's him, Shuuichi knows that, and I know that.

I kind of feel jealous watching the two of them. Not jealous that my brother is dating this guy, hell no. Shuuichi's a nice guy and all, but aside from the molestation thing (which I swear to God I'm never gonna live down) I really wouldn't see him as worth dating. I'm just jealous that they've got a relationship like theirs. I've never had something that ever has meant that to me.

I date. I date a lot, actually. Like I've said, I've got about fifteen girlfriends at any point in time. Most of them that think we're something special, that we're going to 'last' or some crap like that. It's not that I don't give a damn about any of them. I do. But I don't see any of them as having any lasting potential. I'll go out with them, we'll have fun, maybe I'll kiss them, but that's about it.

I did have this one girlfriend. Last year. Haruka-chan. She was really a sweet girl. She reminded me of Ayaka-chan a lot, actually. She was soft-spoken most of the time, but really a strong-willed girl when she had to be. She didn't let anybody walk all over her. I really admired her for that.

'course, obviously, it didn't work out or else I'd still be with her now, right? Simple truth is I got bored. Yeah, I know, I'm a jackass. Here's this sweet, great girl, that I really did care about, and I was bored.

Mika said to me once with the way I go through girls, it's amazing that I've managed to keep my obsession with Sakuma Ryuuichi going for so long. I actually thought about it once for a long while. I should have written it all down. A thesis on the inner workings of my own skewed head.

So, how can the obsession with a thirty-two year old guy that I've met all of twice in my life, the first time at Mika and Touma's wedding, the second at some bar I went to one night with my sister, last so long? I don't get bored. That's all it is. I can watch one of his videos fifty times and not get bored. I can watch an interview with Nittle Grasper one hundred times and not get bored. I can go to millions of his concerts and still, I'll never get bored.

Yeah, I'm a pathetic raging fan boy. Shut up.

Which sounds like it's an embarrassing hobby to take up. But I can tell you flat out being a fan boy is the greatest thing to be. A third of the girls I've ever met, I've met through concerts and CD stores, and all of that junk. I'd highly recommend it to any straight boy hoping to pick up a girl.

"'morning, Tatsuha-san," Shuuichi greeted. "Are you still coming with me to the studio?"

"Yeah, sure," I answered. "Just let me shower and get dressed." I hopped off the counter, dumping my glass in the sink as I passed it. Eiri would've had a fit if I hadn't.

"And just Tatsuha," I added. "You're practically married to my brother, you know."

I grinned when his cheeks lit up to a really peculiar shade of red at that comment.

I showered and dressed in record flat time. Five minutes or something like that. Hey, I'm a guy. That's all it takes. Jump into the shower, run some shampoo and conditioner through my hair, scrub a little with the soap, leap out, get dressed, and boom. Ready for another day.

There was one girlfriend I had, I remembered as I pulled a shirt over my head, that spent at least two hours getting ready to go anywhere. Two hours. What the hell can you do in two hours? But then when I started to think about it, I kind of realized I didn't want to know.

No typing was coming from Eiri's study when I passed by it in the hall. Figuring he must have been having one of his lulls, and was not likely going to kill me for interrupting that (because who really wants to sit staring at a computer screen when there are no words coming?), I poked my head in.

"See you, big brother. Don't miss us too much."

He glanced at him, just a quick, brief flick of his eyes. "Aa." He lifted a hand and gave me his signature half-hearted wave. It was better than nothing. I saluted him and backed out of the room.

I'm never serious around Eiri. I realized that awhile ago. I'm never serious with him unless I absolutely have to be, because I just think maybe if I'm casual and loose around him, maybe he'll loosen up some too. Slim chance to none on that, I know. But he's already burdened down with a million and one other things. I don't need to add to them.

Shuuichi was waiting for me when I appeared in the living room. We went out and down the emergency fire escape of the apartment building instead of the elevator, which opened up into an alleyway. I was kind of surprised to find that Shuuichi walked to work given the size of a city like Tokyo, but as it turned out the studio was just a few blocks away. My feet were very thankful for this.

So this was routine for them. Shuuichi would go to the studios in the morning, do some recording, and come back that evening. Maybe they would have dinner together. Maybe not. Maybe Eiri would lavish some attention on him. Maybe not. And then again, the same thing the next day. Routine, routine, routine. Same thing, day in, day out.

So I had to wonder. Why the hell was Eiri not bored out of his mind yet?

If it had been anyone else, it would have been over. It would have been ended before it could start. But Shuuichi wouldn't give in to him. He stuck through it all, and was probably still struggling day by day, but he had at least finally found himself a place with Eiri. Finally it was to a point where it would take something drastic -- and I mean drastic -- to get Eiri to dump him.

And here that jealousy comes back. Not for the fact Shuuichi had to struggle so damn hard, hell no. I need it easy. Handed straight out to me. 'Here, Tatsuha, this is the rest of your life.' Thank you, ma'am.

Come to think of it, it has been handed to me just like that. Like a fortune cookie. 'You will grow to be a respectful young man that serves his family well.'

Whoop-dee-fricking-doo.

But hey. I'm not bitter. I'm not bitter at all. I'm resigned. There's a huge difference between resigned and bitter. If you're bitter, it means you think about it, and you dwell on it, and you imagine how great it could be if things were different. Bitter is staring at yourself in the mirror and thinking, 'if only my hair was a little longer.' Bitter is looking down at a graded test paper and thinking, 'if only I had studied more.'

Resigned is completely different. Resigned is looking in the mirror and thinking, 'this is as good as it gets.' Resigned is looking down at that exam paper and thinking, 'this is as good as I can do.'

I'm just resigned. This is what I do. This is who I am. These are the people I'm friends with. Those are the people I date. This is what I will do in the future.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Shuuichi was asking me something. I snapped out of my daze and looked at him with a very eloquent, "Huhwha?"

"I was wondering why you decided you wanted to come to Tokyo for awhile," Shuuichi repeated. Something seemed oddly serious about his tone to me. Well, not really serious. Shuuichi doesn't have a voice that works well with serious. But he wasn't messing around or joking or anything.

"Mika decided," I answered. "I just went along with it."

He blinked. "Eh? Mika-san?"

I nodded, then shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, because she thinks if I stay in Kyoto much longer and get any more bored than I am, I'll turn into Eiri." I grinned at him.

"Well," I continued, musingly, "she may want me to spy on him too. Dad's pretty sick. She probably expects me to drop some hints that'll make him want to go home at least for awhile."

"Why... does Yuki hate his father so much?"

I looked at him, surprised. Eiri obviously hadn't opened up all that much to him or else he would have known that. But it didn't surprise me. Eiri avoided talking about our dad period if at all possible. Dad, and family matters, and Mom, and all of that jazz.

"The usual teenager's contempt for their parents, I guess," I replied. I scratched at the back of my head, a nervous habit of mine. "He never much appreciated having to be the obedient, respectful son, for one. And I think our Mom dying was kind of the end of it for Eiri."

"Your mom?"

I try not to think about her, my mother. I was just a kid when she died, barely even twelve. You would think, since Eiri and Mika were so much older than me and had known her for longer, they would have taken it the hardest. But I neither one of them had to sit in the hospital with her. Neither of them had to see as that disease slowly took her life away. Neither of them were there when the life support machines stopped.

"Yeah." It came out quiet, like a hushed whisper. I tried to cover it up with another smile. "But then Eiri's just a jerk anyway."

Nice save, Tatsuha.

Shuuichi didn't push it. Believe it or not, the kid has some tact. He could tell I didn't want to talk about it and he dropped it just like that. I appreciated it.

Imagine a new CD. Now imagine opening up that CD, carefully stripping off all that wrapping they shove on it that even a chainsaw couldn't get through sometimes, all that sticky tape crap that makes you think, hey I've got it, but you really haven't, and then imagine finally getting that new CD open. Now think of that smell. New CD smell. Like new car smell, only better.

NG Studios smells like that.

Shuuichi knew his way around like it was second nature to him. I'd never been to the studio much, and so I just followed him. Mika brought me a few times for random things. I would go out to dinner with her and Touma and we would meet him there, or when I came along with Shuuichi to meet up with Ayaka-chan. Just random stuff. You'd think being the brother-in-law of the president I'd get a little more of an in depth look, but no such perks in this family.

A ride up the elevator and a turn down the hall, and we walked into a small recording room. Bad Luck had yet to be upgraded to one of the nicer recording rooms, apparently. Or something.

Sakano, their producer, was there, for once in his life not freaking out over something. So was K, the manager. And I do not for the life of me know his real name. Nakano Hiroshi, the electric guitar player, and Fujisaki Suguru, Touma's cousin and their keyboardist. Shuuichi, of course, was the last to show up, I noticed with a little grin.

"Sorry for being late!" he said immediately. The typical greeting, I noted, by the unenthusiastic responses of 'good morning' and 'yeah, yeah.'

"Um, you all remember Uesugi Tatsuha?"

I lifted a hand. "Yo."

I practically was barreled over by Sakano suddenly attacking me and asking me questions about how my sister and brother-in-law were doing, if business was going well for Touma, and some other random things I cannot for the life of me remember. I answered his questions as quickly and efficiently as I could.

Here's something that might be a surprise: Sakano is the biggest Seguchi Touma fan. Ever since he was working with Nittle Grasper, he's thought that the sun and moon rise and set on Touma. See? I'm not the only crazed fan boy in the world.

"Tatsuha is staying with Yuki for a few weeks," Shuuichi explained. I could tell that he had to bite his tongue to stop from saying Tatsuha-san. He really is a polite guy sometimes.

I glanced at Hiro. "How's things with Ayaka-chan?"

I couldn't have asked a better question. His face lit up in color and he smiled, in an embarrassed sort of way.

"Um... uh, well, good..."

"Good?" Shuuichi repeated. He threw his arms around Hiro's neck, jabbing him in the side with one hand, the other giving him the noogie of a lifetime. "Just good, huh?"

"H-hey! Shut up! Get off of me!"

Ah, puppy love. How sweet. How adorable. And really, it was. Hiro managed to make it look adorable. I almost wanted to go call up Haruka-chan in that moment. Of course, I passed it off as brief insanity, and never did call her...

I found a place where I was out of the way and not too much of a pain to listen to the recording. It turned out to be a hell of a lot more amusing than I thought it would be. Shuuichi kept forgetting the lyrics. K-san finally went into the recording booth with them, put a magnum to his head, and threatened to pull the trigger if he did not sing it right. Needless to say, Shuuichi got it down flat the next time.

Sakano had paused the recording for a moment, giving the three of them a breather. I took the opportunity to go into the recording room and tease Shuuichi.

"You can remember ever exact detail about Eiri from what color of socks he'll wear on Tuesdays and how he keeps all of his books organized alphabetically and by height, but you can't remember two lines in a song you've been singing for the past four months."

Shuuichi burned red. "That's not true! I just! I! I've got my mind on other things!"

"Like how he can get all the air that's packed in there out," Hiro said helpfully. Shuuichi whirled on him, growling. I grinned.

"Somehow, I'm not surprised."

Shuuichi reared on me this time. "Tatsuha~!"

I didn't have the chance to respond. Sakano talking to someone from the adjourning room caught our attention and we turned to see what was going on. And who should be standing there none other than Ukai Noriko?

Small world.

Same Noriko. I had met her once, seen her on stage a million times more. The one time had, of course, been when Mika and Touma got married. I had been a stupid kid back then period, and being around adults scared the crap out of me, as I remember it. Not to mention the fact weddings are not the most amusing things in the world when you're twelve and your mother just died.

Geez. That makes me feel like a shrimp. I remember now. I was eight when Mika gave me a Nittle Grasper CD to listen to. She said I might like it. Two years later Eiri went to stay in America. Two years after that, Mika and Touma were married. He was twenty-eight, she was twenty-four. I remember now, because it was after the wedding Nittle Grasper announced that they would be splitting up. Ryuuichi went to America, Touma to his job at NG Studios, and Noriko to working as a lyricist to struggling groups. That was near the end of the year. And just this past year they hooked back up again.

Scratch that, I don't feel like a shrimp. I feel old. And I feel like a retard for knowing all of that.

I remember that I was feeling sad that day. It was just two months after Mom had died, and here Dad was, ecstatic that Mika had married someone with such wealth, and of such a great family name, and a friend of our own family, at that. Eiri was his usual not giving a damn self. Mika was... well, Mika. And me, I sat around, twiddling my thumbs, wondering when I could go back to my room and play video games.

She was loud, I remember that. She still was.

They were arguing about something. Noriko with her arms folded, lip jutted out in a pout, and Sakano making those dramatic gestures of his and the same panicked expression on his face.

"What's up?" I asked, glancing back at Hiro.

He shrugged. "Nittle Grasper's recording their new album too and won't use any room but this one. And this idiot--" He paused to jerk a thumb at Shuuichi. "--won't work in any other room either because he says the 'vibes of Sakuma Ryuuichi' make his singing better."

"They do!" Shuuichi exclaimed indignantly.

"So we have to work in shifts," Hiro finished.

... so in a second now, Sakuma Ryuuichi is going to walk in that door.

Oh, be still, my beating heart.

Sakano was trying to tell Noriko that they would be out in another fifteen minutes, tops, but she wasn't listening to him. And I wasn't paying attention to them. Because that's when he did walk in the door.

Somewhere in the rational portion of my mind, I realize that lusting after a man twice my age is wrong. I really do. But I also realize that for a man that's twice my age, he looks no older than his early twenties, and even more of a perk, he doesn't act his age.

Okay, and the attraction? I'd like to see you stare at a guy dressed in tight pants and a vest -- a leather vest -- and nothing else and not drool. Go on. Try it, I dare you.

Staring was apparently what I was doing, too, because Shuuichi suddenly reached over and poked me.

"Um, Tatsuha? Are you okay?"

I think I gurgled something about 'Sakuma Ryuuichi oh my freaking God wow' or at least something like it.

Ryuuichi, looking away from where Noriko and Sakano were still arguing, apparently finally took notice of us in the recording room. His face lit up in a huge smile and in two seconds flat, he was in the room, barreling Shuuichi to the ground in one of the most overpowering glomps I've ever seen.

"Shuuichi! Eh? Your face is a funny color."

"Faces do that when people can't breathe," I put in helpfully. I was surprised at how smoothly my voice came out. Not even a crack. Just nonchalant, natural, like talking to the most popular singer in Japan was an everyday occurrence to me.

Yeah. Right. I'm sure my knees were knocking and I was just doing a damn good job of hiding it.

Ryuuichi looked up at me. I almost cracked under that gaze. It was intense. I don't know any other word for it. It's the look he has in his eyes when he's singing on stage.

But it only lasted a second. Suddenly, he was smiling again, clambering off of Shuuichi. I thought in the back of my mind something stupid like, wow he's tall.

I was doing real well. Real well.

"Tatsuha-kun," he said. "I haven't seen you in a really long time."

Well, a few months. Okay, so it's eight months, two weeks, four days, and some odd hours exactly. (Look, I don't make fun of you for your obsessions.)

"Yeah, well... stuff." I shrugged. How eloquent of me.

His smile widened. "Hey! Shuuichi, Tatsuha-kun, we should go out tonight! To the bar, like last time!"

Shuuichi looked as dumbfounded as me.

"You want to go out with us?" Shuuichi managed to ask.

"Well, yeah." He looked between the two of us, confused. "And Noriko-chan and Hiro-kun can come too, and anybody else."

Shuuichi opened his mouth to say something that started out like, "Yu--" and ended with, "--AUGH." I'm sure he didn't much like feeling my heel digging into his toes.

"That sounds good," I said.

Ryuuichi beamed. "Great!"

And you know, I really thought it would be. I'm such a dumb ass.