Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Undying ❯ A Step Too Far? ( Chapter 2 )

Undying

Chapter Two

A Step Too Far

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation.

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Shuichi walked into the NG office with all the enthusiasm he could muster in a forced and painful smile, but there was no hiding the truth. He felt like shit, and knowing full well what the effects of an uncomfortable night, with depressed emotions and only the sofa for company could do to him… he probably looked like it to. He hadn't changed that morning. The moment he had woken Yuki was already gone, and for him there was nothing worse than being left in the huge, sterile apartment alone. His white t-shirt was rumpled beyond any flattering shape, and his shorts hung loosely over strained legs.

Even the, "What the hell happened to you?" that was spoken jokingly by Hiro on his entrance, seemed designed to enhance his depression.

"Yuki…" he managed to bungle out, before the tears resurfaced.

That was all the information his friend needed. Rolling his eyes, Hiro silently went to the drinks machine and pulled his friend out a Dr Pepper. The hiss that evaporated into the room when he removed the cap almost sounded intrusive, Shuichi had spoken so quietly.

Being handed the cold soft drink, Shuichi sat down on one of the office chairs and nodded his thanks, glad there was no one else in the room. Hiro was always the most productive to bounce emotions off. He was caring and sympathetic when it was required, but more importantly he was brutally honest when others might be warned off. Deep down Shuichi knew it was only Hiro's wonderfully rare and coveted insight (only a lifelong best friend could possibly give) that could realistically break his funk now.

Pulling up a chair next to him, Hiro laid casually onto the cushioned back, resting his arms over it, and rocking on the back legs. "So what is it this time?" he questioned, absently watching the television the other end of the long table. "Did you use his computer again like the last time?"

Shuichi shook his head.

"Okay…" he continued, "It's about Yuki right?"

A nod.

"So Yuki's pissed at you?"

A lacklustre shrug of the shoulders.

"So you're not sure if Yuki's mad at you?"

Another nod.

"Right then… if it's not just Yuki then there must be something or someone else?"

Shuichi fell headfirst onto the table, rocking his head rhythmically up and down, as his heart broke afresh. How did Hiro do it, how did he see through him so easily? Oh god! How were they going to get through this? He'd never seen anyone look so empty and lost as Tohma had the previous night and it was only equalled in pain by Yuki's seeming indifference to the situation.

"Ah so you've been a bad little lover and let Yuki have time enough to get another play toy behind your back?"

"NO!" he protested, fresh energy clawing in to disrupt the spell of self-pity. "Yuki is mine! I love Yuki, he's mine and I absolutely won't let anyone else have him! So long as I live Yuki will be mine or I'll die trying to keep him!"

"Agn!" was the strangled sound that escaped Hiro's lips. "You mean Yuki's really got another lover? I thought…."

"I did too," Shiuchi interrupted, looking away and welcoming the shadow of the stark blinds as they blocked out the glaring morning sunshine. "The truth is that Yuki's had more lovers than hot dinners, so why… when did I start thinking that I was anything special? I thought I was…? I thought we were starting to be in love. I mean I've always been in love with him... right from the beginning, surely that means something?"

"That you're an idiot," Hiro joked, "Besides I don't think you were in love with him right from the beginning. Infatuated… oh yes… but I don't think there was real love then, it was more like Yuki fever."

Shuichi clutched his chest as the import of Hiro's words sunk in. It wasn't true was it? He hadn't been infatuated? It had been love at first sight… hadn't it? Infatuation… it made them equal, completely equal. Squeezing his eyes shut tight, Shuichi conjured up the image of the previous night, seeing Yuki looking so intensely into Tohma's eyes, the look of scorn that he had shown to Shuichi on countless occasions, warping his beautiful features.

"It's an infatuation, nothing more. You'll get over it, in time I hope you will."

Did the same apply to him? Was Yuki just riding out his interest for the physical, hoping he would be free of him after a few months, was that why he was so cold to him after Tohma left? His head suddenly felt inexplicably heavy, as the emotions hit from every angle.

"I was hoping…" he said after a while, "I was hoping that at least he might have started loving me back… you know, just a little bit, under all his bad past. I always hoped I held a special place with him, a little place where a tiny part of me diligently pumped warm blood back into his wounded heart… but how… when someone comes along like this, someone I know Yuki already cares about, who he has admitted to already caring about - how Hiro? How am I supposed to compete?"

"Compete… compete for Yuki? Is this about Ayeka-chan?" Hiro's voice became a little strained as his heart hiccupped into his mouth, "She told me… that is I thought that had all been settled."

Shuichi shook his head, "No, not Ayeka."

Hiro was momentarily glad his friend was so preoccupied so as not to hear him sigh in relief. There had been so much ground made up between them. So many hours had been spent on trying to wean out the cords of unrequited love she had for Yuki, and hoping that one day he might be fortunate enough to have a tenth of that same passion bestowed on him- that his heart had momentarily stopped.

Hiro rubbed his eyes, knowing his mind had wandered too far from his friend's troubles. "Well I don't know…" he began, "I think you're overreacting. If it's not Ayeka-chan then I think you're pretty safe. There's no one else I've seen in Yuki's life that can own a bigger part of him than you do. No one who knows what you've gone through together can even begin to doubt that, especially not you…."

"I know it's just…."

"Just?"

Shuichi looked back to Hiro, his larger than life eyes, shimmering with the hopelessness of his tears. "What if there was someone who had known him better, knew better secrets than I do with him, and who Yuki has always looked up to and loved. What if there is someone you… we've both overlooked… what if my love for Yuki, only blinded him temporarily and he sees the truth now?"

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I. Hiro? Do you think its possible that Yuki loves…?"

The question was left unasked. At that moment there was a commotion outside the door and Sakano-san burst through, sweat beading on his brow and dripping onto his shirt collar. K was there too, calmly watching the producer as he hyperventilated.

The conversation was instantly put aside. There would be no time for it for a while.

"Ah good you're both here," said K, stepping over Sakano's limp body. "It's big news. I've already told Fujisaki-san and I know you two will be just as excited as he was."

Both Hiro and Shuichi stared expectantly back at their manager.

"We're going to America!"

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Tohma looked to the clock on the far wall, only mildly impressed by Shuichi's forbearance. Realistically he'd expected him almost fifteen minutes ago. It was only now, (signified by a loud crash in the distance) the president of NG heard the first indication Shuichi had worked himself up into such a state so as vent steam over a situation Tohma had known he would violently protest against.

A grin curved wickedly onto his face long before he became aware of feeling guilty for it. He'd long since known that power was a dangerous thing, and his conscience was awake enough to know that exploiting his power in this manner was more than a little wrong, but there was nothing else to be done. Yuki knew… and with that knowledge there had to be time for uninterrupted discussion and understanding. Shuichi would only get in the way.

The door crashed open, its hinges redesigning themselves to be bent and broken out of shape by the force. Shuichi stood in the newly opened doorway, his eyes almost gleaming red under the anger, as his shoulders rose and fell rapidly. It was an intense and slightly unsettling image to see. If there was one thing that this boy had it was passion.

Others might have been intimidated by the situation, but Tohma had known Shuichi long enough to see him in impassioned moments like this. He simply stood, bowed his head and offered the lead singer a seat. It was refused of course, but this was business, it had to be seen to be done right.

"I thought I might see you this morning Shindou-kun. It's very exciting news isn't it?"

Shuichi's face grew a shade angrier. "You did this on purpose didn't you?"

"Bad Luck have generated quite a stir since appearing at Tokyo-Fest. Our American contacts have been asking me for months to let you go over there and do a brief tour to see if its worth investing more time and interest in the 'Gravitation' music scene," replied Tohma, purposefully avoiding Shuichi's question. "It's only three months I know, but who knows? If you're a success you could get longer tours in the future. NG's interest lies in breaking through into the American market. Mika will be flying over from London to meet you in New York."

"And does Mika-chan know what you're doing? That you're sending me over there so you can get your claws into Yuki while I'm gone!"

The truth was right in front of his face, and Tohma frowned at Shuichi's lack of inhibitions. He was just a child! What did Eiri see in him?

"This is business. It isn't personal and I'd appreciate if you didn't make it such. Eiri-san…" his voice faltered for a second, "Eiri-san has several contacts in the States. I'm sure he'll have no problem getting over there to see you during that time. Don't you want to be the best band to come out of Japan since Nittle Grasper, Shindou-kun?"

"What are you saying? Of course I do! Bad Luck are always going to be the best! But…"

"There are no 'buts' Shindou Shuichi. This is your only chance, do you want to blow it because you're jealous of a situation between Eiri and I that doesn't even exist? Maybe you want to tell Hiroshi and Fujisaki that?"

"I… I…?"

Tohma smiled, walking forward, and lifting Shuichi's head to look him in the eye. "Do what's right for your friends," he said softly, all the time hating the way he was twisting the situation to fit in with his plans.

Letting Shindou's chin fall again he walked over to the window, looking depressively out across the cityscape, and the bustle below. "It's a great time for Japanese music Shindou-kun," he said eventually. "For once there's a real market for it in the west. NG Productions future is there. It's everything I've worked for. It should be everything both of us are working for. Is bad Luck strong enough to be the driving force?"

He turned to look over his shoulder, watching impatiently to see what Shuichi's reaction might be. He was looking to the carpet, but there wasn't so much anger in his figure as there had been. It looked like his countenance had been touched by sadness.

"I won't let Yuki go without a fight," he mumbled.

Seguchi dipped his head once in understanding. "It's how it should be Shindou-kun. I don't want to fight you for him. I love Mika. She's my wife, that is all there is to the matter. Will you go now? Will go to America and become a world super star?"

Slowly Shuichi lifted his head, standing tears still in his eyes. "Yes. I will do as you ask… for Hiro, Fujisaki… and for you, I will do it."

Tohma smiled, his stomach cramping while he did so. It was so hard for him to ignore how much respect Shindou had for him, and he felt truly horrible for it. "And Shuichi?" he said, stopping the young mans exit.

He wanted to say that he was sorry. That he had never meant to do him any harm with his feelings of love for Eiri, that he never planned it to turn out this way, but the words stuck in his throat. To confirm as much would be to confirm his heart as well, and he still wasn't comfortable with admitting his desire.

"There'll be a car ready for you first thing in the morning. Let those you have to know that you'll be away, and then I will personally see you off from the airport."

Shuichi nodded once, emotion still very evidently flushed in his cheeks, before he turned and abandoned the office.

Once he was sure that Shuichi had gone, all the energy evaporated from Tohma's limbs, and he sunk to the floor. What was he turning into? He was lying to all those people closest to him, and he couldn't find a way out of the situation. He just wanted to be with Eiri, more than anything.

And Mika, his conscience screamed.

"I love her too," he sighed. "What am I going to do?"

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AN - Poor Tohma! Even as I'm writing for him I don't know if I want to strangle the life from his body or glomp him to death. *Chuckles* Until next time….