Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A Home in Common ❯ Chapter Four ( Chapter 4 )

I make no claim to any of the Gundam Wing characters. This story is written for my, and hopefully others' enjoyment and not for monetary profit. A huge thanks to Diane for the beta.

A Home in Common
by Michalyn
Chapter Four of Five

Warnings: 13x5, 2+4
Rating: MA

 

Notes: 1. Qipao: The qipao , qipaor, or ch'i-p'ao, also known as the cheongsam or mandarin gown, is a body-hugging dress for women in China originating from the Manchus, modernized and improved in Shanghai. The English loanword cheongsam, which comes from Cantonese, is used for the garment when worn by either men or women. The word qipao refers only to a woman's clothes. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qipao)

 

 

Wufei looked at his watch. Striding to the closet, he shrugged into his coat and pulled on a scarf. The weather had finally become chill.

"Yi Jie?" he called up the stairs. "Yi Jie, if we don't hurry we'll miss the movie." Wufei waited, frowning when no response was forthcoming. He moved to the foot of the stairs.

"Yi Jie!"

A door opened and his daughter appeared on the landing, still in the tee shirt and shorts Wufei had left her in an hour before. Wufei made an exasperated sound. "You're still not showered? Yi Jie, what's the meaning of this? We don't have time for this nonsense!"

"You can go by yourself, 'cause I'm not coming!" A scrunched face, the glimmer of tears, bare feet pounding on the wooden floor and Yi Jie's bedroom door closing with violence.

Wufei sighed. Slowly, he put his things back in the closet and headed up the stairs. He found his daughter flung across the bed, shoulders heaving, and her pillow soaked with tears. She had retrieved Wufei's shaving mirror from the bathroom and it was propped now against the foot of the bed. Wufei picked up the gleaming square of silver, more confused than ever. He stroked his daughter's hair.

"Yi Jie, what is wrong? Have I said something to upset you? If there is a misunderstanding between us, then this is not the way to address it. I thought we agreed to speak to each other to try to resolve any problems."

These words only seemed to make Yi Jie sob harder and Wufei rubbed at his eyes, his shoulders slumping with frustration. What on earth was going on here?

"Yi Jie," he laid a hand on his daughter's shoulder. "What has happened? Why don't you want to go to the movie?"

Yi Jie shrugged him off, scrubbing viciously at her eyes. "You always get it wrong!" she wailed, "I don't care about that stupid movie."

Wounded, Wufei pulled his hand away. "I see. Perhaps I misunderstood. If I recall correctly, we spoke on Thursday night and you mentioned wanting to see The Princess of the Cherry Tree." Wufei frowned, straining to figure out the source of the disastrous blunder he had somehow committed, as beside him, Yi Jie's sobs intensified. "I bought the tickets, that is, I would not have done so had I realized...." Wufei pressed a hand to his forehead. "Perhaps it was not The Princess of the Cherry Tree...."

"Baba, it's not about you and it's not about the movie!"

"All right," Wufei started. A pounding had taken residence in his temples and it thrummed in time to his confused thoughts. Shuffling to the bathroom he returned with a wad of tissues, with which he began dabbing his daughter's face . "Yi Jie, I cannot help you, or correct my error if you do not speak to me. Come now, you're a big girl. Sit up, take a deep breath and explain to me what has happened here."

Yi Jie rolled onto her side. After a great deal of hiccupping and noseblowing, she sat up, sullen and red-eyed.

"I don't have anything to wear."

Wufei was expecting a diatribe against bumbling fathers, against the stupidity of a movie Yi Jie had picked but suddenly did not want to see, and hovering on the very edge of Wufei's subconscious was a terror that Yi Jie was about to confess some hidden symptom or metastizing growth that she had been suffering under for months in silence, and that would need immediate medical treatment. (Thank the gods they had excellent insurance!) Not having something to wear, however-- Wufei steadied himself against the bed, literally weak with relief. No, no, that had not been on his list. Wufei tried to tamp down the anger that followed immediately in the wake of such theatrics. He reminded himself that Yi Jie was a hormonal, pubescent girl and these were difficult years.

"I don't understand," he said carefully. "You have a closet full of perfectly suitable items in addition to the new sweaters and the pair of jeans we bought last week. Besides, we've been to this theater hundreds of times before and we have never dressed up." Wufei couldn't hide the note of irritation that crept into his voice.

"Yes, but it's not the same." Yi Jie wiped a string of silent tears away. She rummaged under her bed and produced a pre-teen magazine Wufei had never seen before.

"Where did you get this?" Wufei frowned, thumbing through the pages. He found nothing objectionable, just a smattering of quizzes, recipes and craft projects, an interview with popular child actress and the usual brightly colored fashion. In fact, he would probably say it was better than most. The girls looked happy and none were overly thin or unduly provocative.

"I bought it with my allowance."

Wufei held his breath, waiting as Yi Jie jabbed her finger at a glossy photograph of a wholesome young girl with wheat-colored hair and limpid hazel eyes.

"Baba, why can't I look like those girls? Why do we have to be so different?"

"But what do you mean?" Wufei stuttered.

"Look at me." Yi Jie grabbed the mirror near the pillow. Wufei peered into it, seeing Yi Jie's round face and the large, almond-shaped eyes that always reminded him of Meiran's.

"I'm afraid I don't understand," he responded, defeated.

"My hair won't curl, my eyes are too small and I'll never be able to wear that color makeup." Another rain of tears began falling freely. "I'll never, ever look like this. There are only ten Asian kids in the whole fifth grade Baba, and last week at lunch, the girls were talking about who were the prettiest in our grade and not one of the Asian kids was chosen. Not even Tae, and I always thought she was so beautiful. Only Marie nominated me, but she's my friend and she wasn't thinking about whether I was Asian or not, and when she did, I heard Brian Peterson laugh." Yi Jie curled onto her side. "I'm ugly."

Wufei finally understood. He was silent for a long time before picking up the mirror. "Is that why you have this?"

Yi Jie nodded, glum.

Without a word, Wufei rose and disappeared into his bedroom. He returned with a small box of photographs. Opening it, he rifled through the stacks of solemn group shots and smiling relatives to place a yellowed black-and-white photograph in front of his daughter. A young woman smiled up at them from it, her thick hair coiled into two buns. She was wearing the new form-fitting qipao [1] and trousers and the gentle swell of her hips curved beneath the patterned material.

Yi Jie leaned forward, rubbing at her reddened nose. "Who's that? She's really pretty."

"She is isn't she?" Wufei nodded. "This is my grandmother, Jiang Li. I know everyone says you look like your aunt, Huan Yue but I've always thought the resemblance much closer to your great grandmother. See the arch of her brow, the shape of her face," Wufei traced the photo, "you even have the same mouth. Besides," Wufei laughed, "when we were growing up, people always remarked on how much Huan Yue looked like our grandmother, and the resemblance between them is not nearly so striking as between your great grandmother and you."

Yi Jie was staring uncertainly at the photograph. She held it up to the light. "Well, we ... we do sorta look alike." Her voice held a tremulous note of hope. "Baba, do you really think I'm that pretty?"

"Of course I do." Wufei murmured gruffly. "Why don't you go ahead and keep that picture? We can buy a frame on our way to the supermarket, tomorrow."

Spluttering with joy, Yi Jie thanked him and cradled the photograph to her breast. She held it protectively, as though the entirety of her existence were held in the faded black and white print. Wufei had not thought something so simple would make such a difference. Touched by his daughter's vulnerability and remembering his own struggles with self-acceptance, he sighed.

"There are many types of beauty in this world, Yi Jie and not just on the outside, but inner beauty as well," Wufei added, "but you will find that very few are represented on the television or in the things we see everyday. I want you to always remember that you are you. If you should be bald or have or seven toes on one hand it does not mean that you are any less worthy than the next person. It is a hard lesson to learn, one that I am not even sure I have fully grasped myself, but if the one thing you are successful at in this life is being true to yourself, then you would have achieved enough." Wufei kissed the top of Yi Jie's head, murmuring. "I would be the proudest father in the world. Do you understand me?"

Sniffling again, Yi Jie nodded. She held onto Wufei, the photo pressed all the while to her chest. Small, hiccupping sounds broke from her as she drained the last of her sorrow in the front of Wufei's shirt.

Or was it not the last but the first? Perhaps even so young, Yi Jie sensed that the task Wufei had put to her would be the hardest of her lifetime. Did she sense how long the road was, how isolated, how fraught with rocks and thorny nests? Wufei's single hope was that he could make the way easier for her. When Yi Jie withdrew, releasing an exhausted breath, Wufei was glad to see the warmth return to her face.

"Are you all right?"

Yi Jie looked up and wiped her eyes, murmuring that yes, she was okay, in a watery voice. Suddenly she giggled. "Baba, nobody has toes on their hands. Wouldn't that make them fingers?"

Wufei inclined his head. "One never knows."

"Mmph." Yi Jie gave a little breathy sigh and snuggled against him again. "Thank you, Baba."

"You're quite welcome." Wufei pursed his lips. "Now, I would be doing both of us a disservice if I did not tell you how much I did not like the way you behaved this evening. Yi Jie, I know sometimes we have trouble expressing ourselves when we are hurting, but you must not throw these tantrums. If something is wrong we must talk about it. I know it is not always easy and I may say the wrong thing," Wufei continued, "but the important thing is that we keep trying to understand each other, all right?"

Yi Jie's look was chastened. "Yes, Baba." She flung her arms around Wufei, muffling her face in his shirt. "I'm sorry for not talking to you first. You're really the best!"

Startled, Wufei stroked her back. "I ... it is my pleasure."

Yi Jie murmured something, but buried as she was against Wufei's chest, he could not decipher it. When he leaned forward and asked her to repeat herself, his daughter looked up, her black eyes shining.

"I said I'm really lucky to have you, Baba." She squeezed his hand. "Even though it's just the two of us, I'm not jealous of other families. You're the only one I care about, Baba." Yi Jie hugged Wufei tightly, again. "I'm so glad I don't have to share you with anyone else."

Wufei froze in the act of patting Yi Jie's shoulder. He remembered Treize, the older man's kisses, and the warmth of his body as he held Wufei. Pain twisted through Wufei. He had not realized how much he had craved just such another embrace until the moment it slipped from him. Wufei's fingers clenched and unclenched. He brought a trembling hand to Yi Jie's shoulder, tormented, immobilized--never having expected sorrow to come from such an innocent place.

o-o-o

He was going to end it. Not that they had started anything in the first place, Wufei reminded himself. Not really anyway. After a short summer of delusion he had come to his senses. What had he been thinking? Pining after Treize, arranging pseudo-dates with him and the crowning folly, kissing the other man in a children's amusement park. The memory alone caused Wufei to cringe. If he had any doubts about the soundness of the action he was about to take, that episode was enough to convince him that he needed to nip this in the bud--and quickly. Wufei could not believe he had been so reckless. What if they had been seen? Treize was a carefree mogul who could do as he pleased but such shenanigans would cost Wufei his job, his reputation and not to mention the havoc it would wreak on Yi Jie's life. Had he become so desperate that he had sunk to this? Wufei smoothed his hair as he heard the doorbell chime. It was probably Duo and Quatre come to take care of Yi Jie for the evening.

The restaurant was open only half-day on Tuesdays and when Wufei had told his friends of his decision, they insisted on watching Yi Jie. No doubt they were also hoping to sway him. Wufei knew both Quatre and Duo disapproved of his choice. Duo thought Wufei was being unreasonable and Quatre insisted that he was blowing this all out of proportion. Why couldn't he enjoy a little romance, they demanded? Wasn't Treize a charming gentleman and necessarily respectable with a daughter of his own? Was Wufei going become a celibate because Yi Jie exhibited an only child's natural possessiveness? Besides, she had no inkling of his interest in Treize. Wufei had rushed to an unwarranted conclusion. They could concede the need for discretion but not for ending the relationship entirely. Wufei listened to every reason, every carefully-worded rationale and had remained unconvinced. Nothing either man could say was nearly as persuasive as his own mounting guilt. It was time to make a clean break while he still had the chance.

"Duo, Quatre, thanks so much for doing this." Wufei opened the door to let in his friends, both of whom were sporting ruddy, wind-blown cheeks and mussed hair. Autumn had arrived in full force over the weekend and already it was sweater weather. Outside, leaves glittered on the pavements and the air contained an ominous sharpness.

"So you're really planning to go through with this?" Duo asked, raising an eyebrow. Beside him, Quatre nodded.

"Gentlemen, please." Wufei raised a hand to ward off any further comments. I appreciate your concern, truly I do, but nothing you say is going to change my mind." Lowering his voice, Wufei peered in the direction of the den where the noise from the television lulled and swelled. "And please keep your voices down." Wufei fiddled with his scarf. "I don't want Yi Jie getting the slightest inkling of this."

Quatre rolled his eyes. "Aren't you being a little paranoid, Wufei? You know we'd never say a thing in front of Yi Jie."

Duo's eyes narrowed as he slung an arm over his lover's shoulder. A hint of a smile played about his lips.

"What I want to know is, if you're so determined to not see this man again, why are you going to meet him? Not that I mind looking after a sweet kid like Yi Jie, but are you sure you couldn't have just given him a ring?"

Wufei flushed, refusing to acknowledge what Duo was hinting at. "It is not like that at all!" He hissed. "It is true that our relationship must come to end, but the last time Treize and I met, I gave him reason to believe there was hope for something between us--however insignificant," Wufei was quick to amend, "and the least I owe him is to break it off honorably. I admit that I have not had a romantic interest in some time, but I am not such a shrinking violet as you two seem to believe that I would lose all my resolve at the sight of a man I've only known for a few weeks! "

Wufei swallowed, realizing his voice was rising. They did not understand at all. He was not deceiving himself. Perhaps Treize had affected Wufei in ways that unsettled him but Wufei understood there could be nothing between them. Did that mean he must give up all pride? Must he hide like some coward behind an answering machine? Wufei jerked on his coat and knotted his scarf about him with a violent twist. His hands were trembling quite badly and he concealed the betraying quiver by stuffing them into his coat pockets. Wufei paused, seeing Duo's and Quatre's startled expressions. He released a shaky breath.

"All right, perhaps I am a little anxious."

Quatre squeezed Wufei in a hug before he could protest. "My dear, Wufei, this is more than a little nervousness," the blond observed, but Wufei shrugged him off with a shake of his head.

"Don't be ridiculous. What else it could be?" His heart was thumping madly and from the corner of his eye, Wufei could see Duo shaking his head as if amazed at his obtuseness. Wufei did not see why Duo thought he was so oblivious and he scowled, beginning to tell the other man just that, but Quatre slipped neatly between them. He stepped forward, leaning close to Wufei.

"Have you ever considered," Quatre said to him gently, "that you might be falling in love?"

 

o-o-o

They met at a cafe just off Route 35. Close enough to Sunville to be familiar, but with enough distance behind them to make it private. The cafe was one of those restaurants specializing in serving breakfast fare round the clock but the fluffy pancakes and cheerful blueberry muffins were so at odds with what Wufei had come for that he pushed the menu aside, unable to order anything more than a drink. Now, Wufei was nursing a flat root beer and across from him, Treize tensely sipped his water. Though the older man had been pleasant on the phone, Wufei could see that Treize sensed something was wrong. Add to that Wufei's own nervousness, and the air all but crackled with their unease. Wufei wanted to speak but a constriction lodged in his throat every time he opened his mouth and he had the greatest difficulty forming sentences. For his part, Treize kept up an agitated tapping across the tabletop. Neither could hold the other's glance for long, Treize, no doubt in anticipation of unpleasant news and Wufei, as the bearer of that news, from the guilt that was gnawing away at him like acid. He raised his head, stomach fluttering sickly.

"Treize..."

"Maybe we should talk--" Treize began at the same time and they both laughed--stilted, self-conscious sounds without humor.

"Sorry."

"Oh no, not at all." Treize gripped his glass. "Please do go ahead."

"Well," Wufei said. "Well I would like to end our relationship," he tumbled forward, his gazed fixed on Treize's rapidly whitening knuckles.

The older man was silent for a moment. "I see," he murmured.

"Please let me explain," Wufei insisted. "It isn't you. Not precisely."

"Not precisely," Treize repeated with a hollow little laugh. "I don't believe I know what that means, Wufei."

Wufei had known this moment would be difficult, but imagination was one thing, experience another. When he practiced his speech at home, he did not have to see Treize's jittery hands or his bitter expression. Wufei realized in some distant corner of his mind he had believed that he and Treize could somehow walk away from this as friends. Wufei saw now that that would be impossible. Why should it if this was what Wufei meant by 'a clean break'? Surely he was not hoping to keep in contact with Treize beyond the relationship between their daughters? Wufei frowned to himself. What had he been hoping for?

Treize sipped his drink, silently watchful, and Wufei bristled under the unspoken accusation. He had no answer for it that Treize would understand or that Wufei could reconcile with what he knew to be right. Yet, all the while, even through his own pain and the evidence of Treize's, Wufei could not help thinking how attractive Treize was, or forget how he had looked forward to holding those same hands, now curled against him in anger, in his again. It was not as if he felt nothing but ... but--even Wufei could not say how the thought was supposed to end. Indicted, given the choice between despair and self-righteousness, he sutured up the wound and stabbed back at Treize. Irritation rose to his defence.

"Don't you think your reaction is all out of proportion to the situation when all we had together was one afternoon and a quick grope behind a bush?" Wufei demanded. He raised his drink and put it down after a sip. The root beer was completely dead.

Treize looked at him. "Is that all it was to you? Then, I am truly the fool. I shared things with you that day I haven't divulged in years," he said and Wufei knew with a twist to his vitals, that Treize was referring to all he had revealed about the circumstances of Marie's birth and his initiation into fatherhood. Oh treacherous, treacherous heart and more bitter when one betrayed oneself. Wufei wanted to grab Treize and tell him that that stolen afternoon had meant the world to him, that he would have given anything for another. Instead, Wufei sat stiffly, his words of comfort a stone on his tongue.

"I don't begin to understand your reasons--" Treize made a derisive sound. "Hell, what reasons, when you have given me none? But please don't taint what we shared with your cynicism. At least allow me that. You make it small and cheap and that's the last thing I felt. A kiss ... a kiss..." Treize made a helpless gesture. "You are right. It was nothing--but Wufei, oh how I hoped for something more." Treize fished a few bills out of his wallet and threw them on the table. "Thanks for the drink."

"Treize, wait." Wufei's throat was raw with suppressed emotion. "I am sorry. Please do not go."

Treize paused but did not turn around.

"I did not mean what I just said." Wufei stared at his hands. "That is, I have not changed my mind but I would like to explain myself properly if you will listen."

"I thought you had said it all," Treize retorted, but his eyes softened and he returned to the table. Wufei thanked him.

"No, I did not have the chance. Treize, the time I spent with you was very special for me. You were not the only one who felt a connection between us but I ... I just can't do this!" Voice dropping, Wufei rubbed his eyes. "There is no room for romance in our lives, Treize. Surely you know it. Would Marie welcome another man in her father's house? Would Yi Jie? How on earth am I supposed to explain to my daughter that her father has a boyfriend? It ... it doesn't matter how I feel about you when that's the reality of things."

"So this is because of Yi Jie?" Treize was watching him.

"No ... yes." Wufei shook his head. "I don't know. I can't trust myself to judge anything correctly these days."

"Wufei let us say hypothetically that you had no daughter."

"But..."

"Hypothetically," Treize stressed, raising his hand. "Would you go out with me again?"

"I cannot answer something like that." Wufei looked away. "The fact is, Yi Jie is everything to me."

Treize sighed. "That is no answer, Wufei. Of course you love your daughter. It has never been in question here. Would you doubt that I loved Mariemeia? You feel things as a man, and that man is not separate from the man who is the father." Treize's hand covered Wufei's. "What is that man feeling right now? He's who I'm interested in, Wufei. Not one half of him or the other. I want to get inside his head."

Wufei's hand was hot beneath Treize's. When had their conversation veered off the path he intended? He was on the verge of throwing his resolve to the wind and Treize had barely touched him. How could it have happened? Why did Treize so easily affect him? Wufei wondered with rising panic. Unless...Quatre's abominable words echoed in Wufei's mind and beneath the table, his knees trembled. He suddenly very desperately needed to return home.

"I'm attracted to you, Treize, I admit it. Now please, we have spoken here long enough. I must go."

"How can you say you have feelings for me and in the same breath expect me to let you go?" Treize's fingers tightened about Wufei's. "It doesn't work that way, Wufei. Don't you think I worry about these things too? It gets lonely at night in my bed, though. Yi Jie and Mariemeia will grow up one day, Wufei and what will become of us then, when we've sacrificed everything to their youth? I am not old, but old enough to worry about these things. I don't want to be alone with an empty house to myself in thirty years." Treize's eyes implored him. "Tell me you haven't thought about it too. Can't we give this a try? We can take things slowly--at your pace. All we need is a little planning, a little discretion and I think we'll be all right."

It was so tempting and Treize's hand in his felt so right. That was what frightened Wufei most of all. He stood, wrenching himself away. "I'm sorry, Treize. I'm truly sorry."

"So this is goodbye then?" Treize did not hide the sadness in his voice.

"Yes, it has to be. I'm sorry," Wufei whispered.

"You know I won't give up."

Wufei was at his weakest point and Treize's words threatened to undo him. Agonized, he covered his face with his hands. "Pl...please don't. That's very romantic but no matter how much we may wish it, we are not high school sweethearts with a carte blanche to live or love as we please." Wufei lowered his hands. "We're fathers."