Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Acting As If... (A Passion Play in Five Acts) ❯ Act II ( Chapter 2 )

Acting As If… (A Passion Play in Five Acts)

 

Act II

 

 

I can't seem to sleep, too many thoughts are running around in my head, chasing each other like squirrels in a cage, and I can't slow them down. So, instead, I opt for sitting on my balcony in the dark, looking up at the heavens. The sky resembles a backlight canopy with holes punched in it, the stars looking like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket. It's so beautiful, so peaceful, I can almost imagine myself in the comforting confines of Deathscythe's cockpit, floating gently through the cosmos. For the moment, thoughts of my beloved `Scythe eases the ache in my chest and I finally doze off, falling into a light sleep.

 

He walks silently in my dreams. He never speaks. We never touch, except for a brief, fleeting brush of finger tips, then he fades away. But this time, his hand reaches up, caresses my cheek, fingers soft and gentle. And his lips brush mine, fleeting, but firm. A kiss. And a promise in his dark, midnight blue eyes? It all seems so real, and I struggle to awaken.

 

But my eyes open to a pale dawn, the cool air chilling me slightly. Still, my cheek feels warm from where his had rested and my lips tingle from the pressure of his kiss. An I going crazy in my longing for what I can't have? Slowly, I rise from the lounge chair I'm lying on and my eyes scan the area around and below me, but nothing seems amiss. No shadow seems out of place. Still, I can't shake the feeling that HE is there, somewhere, watching me, waiting…

 

Maybe it was the light scent of the cologne that he always wore that seemed to linger around me as I awoke.

 

I head back into my room to try to get some more sleep. I know it's going to be a busy day today, and I need to rest if I can.

 

~*~

 

I rise again, much later, feeling a little more rested, though I still can't seem to shake off the feeling that something momentous is going to happen. Well, it is after all. Quate and Trowa are tying the knot, but it's not that. It's like some underlying current, waiting to suck my feet out from under me if I don't watch where I put them. So I'm wary. And it makes me weary, the watching and waiting.

 

Quate shoots me another one of those looks at breakfast, but I dodge it by jumping `Fei when he comes in with Sally, wrapping my arms around him, like a drowning man. He smiles at me, hugs me, then complains when I won't let him get his tea. But it's enough to put me back on track.

 

I let him go, putting the mask back in place and I start `acting as if' it's all life as usual. I banter with Hilde when she makes her sleepy way down, accompanied by Relena. Apparently they had a late night gab fest last night, so I wasn't the only one awake half the night. Except that I was alone in my wakefulness, and not by choice.

 

After breakfast, Trowa announces that it's time for him to take me and `Fei to get our tux's fitted, and that we have the rehearsal dinner to look forward to tonight. The next two nights will be `bachelor' parties, one for Quate, one for Trowa, and I expect I will make some kind of brief appearance, at least.

 

The whirlwind has started. The wedding will be in three days. I don't know if I'm up to it.

 

~*~

 

So, we got the suits fitted, they would be delivered the morning of the wedding and we ran a few errands, then had a nice lunch. Trowa didn't say much, just a squeeze of my hand and a quirk of an eyebrow, but it was enough. I knew he understood and wouldn't ask any awkward questions. WuFei continued to play the role of the attentive lover, holding my hand when I needed it, giving me his silent support. He sat next to me at lunch, a nice Chinese buffet, and continually tried to tempt me into eating things he had put on his plate by waving them enticingly under my nose, so I indulged him, even though I had my own plateful of delicacies. It made him happy.

 

At the end of the meal, he put his arm around me and pulled me close, and I rested my head on his shoulder briefly, closing my eyes. It felt nice, being in someone's arms once more. Then my heart screamed at me that it wasn't Heero, and a tear slid out from under my closed lid. `Fei brushed it away gently, then tipped my face up and brushed his lips over mine.

 

“It'll be okay,” he murmured. “You'll see.”

 

I sighed and sat up, but as I did, I could almost swear that I had seen Heero's face, his eyes looking into mine in the reflection of the mirror behind us. But, of course, when I turned my head, there was nothing, no one was there. It was just my tired mind, playing tricks on me.

 

~*~

 

Back at the house, I took a long shower, then lay down and tried to rest before the rehearsal started. I think I even managed to get an hour or two of sleep before Quatre came to get me, so I felt a lot better. I could start `acting as if' once more.

 

We went through the entire wedding ceremony, plotting everything out carefully so that we all knew what to do and when to do it, ensuring that it would all go off without a hitch, then it was time for the dinner.

 

That's was when it was suddenly driven home to me that I was the odd man out. I'd come down with Hilde, but she wasn't my partner or date or whatever. She was spending all of her time with Relena. `Fei had Sally, Quate and Trowa had each other, of course. Even Zechs, who had shown up in the afternoon, came accompanied by his girlfriend of the moment, Lucrezia Noin. I had… a big, gaping hole where my heart should be, left compliments of one Heero-fucking-Yuy, prefect soldier.

 

I wanted to run, I wanted to hide, because I just couldn't lie about it anymore. I couldn't `act as if' it didn't matter anymore, because it mattered more then life itself mattered to me. I just couldn't die. They wouldn't let me.

 

I saw the stricken look on Quatre's face as he realized what was going through my mind, and it was only to keep him happy that I didn't bolt. I made it through the dinner, somehow, choked down some of the food, not tasting any of it, stood at the appropriate time and made a somewhat anemic toast to the happy couple and then, as soon as humanly possible, I ran.

 

Somehow, I made it to my room and I stumbled out on to the balcony and leaned over the rail as the tears started to flow.

 

Strong arms slipped around me and pulled me back against a warm, firm chest. A familiar cologne filled my nose as I turned and buried my face in the crook of Trowa's neck and he held me as I sobbed my wretched heart out over a man who didn't want me. When I finally ran out of tears, he led me back into my room and I stood passively as he undressed me down to my boxers then pulled the covers back on the bed. Silently, he sat me down, then went in to the bathroom, returning with a cool washcloth to wipe my heated face. I lay back on the pillows, staring at the ceiling dully, barely noticing when he started to disrobe. He slid into the bed next to me and dimmed the light on the night stand, then reached out to pull me into his arms. I crawled into them gratefully, feeling like a small child being comforted by his older brother. Trowa stroked my hair and rubbed comforting circles around my back until I relaxed enough to fall asleep, cradled close in his tender embrace.

 

Warm arms held me, strong hands ran themselves through my long hair that had come loose at some point in the night and tender lips kissed my forehead, my face and finally, my lips. My lips parted under them and a warm tongue slipped into my mouth to caress mine briefly, then slipped away. I tried to follow those lips up out of my sleep, but, chasing the elusive butterfly, I was running through the long abandoned ruins of the dreams we'd left behind. When I opened my eyes, I was alone, only the dent in the pillow next to me telling me that someone had been there, and the scent of his cologne lingering on my sheets. Not Trowa's.

 

HIS.

 

~*~

 

 

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