Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ After Colony 198 ❯ An Undercurrent of Cold ( Chapter 6 )

After Colony 198

By Iris Anthe

Chapter 6

Quatre tried to hide his anxiety as his niece began relating her life story in the arms of a rigid Heero Yuy.

"My name is Sufia, but my brother calls me Fi. Uncle Trowa calls me Fish because I can hold my breath longest under water. We have a big pool. My brother is just a baby. He's only three. I'm five and a half. My mommy says I'm going to be as tall as my grandfather because I keep growing all the time. I have a kitten. He doesn't have a name yet. I'm going to train him just like Uncle Trowa's lions..."

Quatre attempted to catch Duo's eye, but his normally animated friend seemed lost in a fuddled state of melancholy staring at the recently deranged Wing Zero pilot. Trowa had sworn that he'd seen the look of the Zero System in Heero's eyes just two days ago, and Quatre knew with the horror of personal experience that if Zero was in charge, then none of them and particularly not his niece had the slightest chance of survival.

"You don't have to cry."

Quatre's attention snapped back to Heero. Crying? Sufia had stopped talking and was instead fishing into the deep front pocket of her dress. After a moment of squirming she produced a lint-covered, partially eaten, cherry red lolliop, and with an air of ceremony presented it to Heero with a whispered, "This always makes me stop crying."

Heero focused on the red ball of sugar stoically and replied, "Then you shouldn't give it away."

Sufia leaned back in Heero's arms to look at his face and with the peculiar wisdom of small children stated plainly, "It only works if someone gives it to you, silly." And presented it to him again. Quatre was now as entranced as Duo as Heero gently took the lollipop from Sufia's sticky hand and with an equally gentle smile set her back on her feet at which point she ran out of the room grinning with a story to tell her mother, her two cousins racing behind.

Duo shifted his stance and cleared his throat.

"Heero, I'm sorry about..."

"It's alright. It's your house. At least she still wants to be with you."

Quatre failed to make sense of their cryptic conversation beyond a general sentiment of reconciliation. But that seemed good enough. Heero was not about to kill his family. In fact he seemed subtly transformed from his encounter with Sufia and was emanating a general aura of tranquility, as though the jarring edges of his conflicted soul had somehow aligned.

"I need to talk to Quatre. You go find Hilde."

Duo's smile turned genuinely warm and stealing a cookie from the tea tray by Heero's bed, he sauntered out of the room with a "catch you later" thrown over his back.

Alone with Heero, Quatre prepared himself to help form the link to Relena's essence.

*****

A woman, dark-haired but with golden blond roots beginning to show, no make-up and dark circles under her eyes sat in the sun and shivered. No matter how hot it was, no matter that she could feel the heat of the sun nearly scorching her pale skin, she felt an undercurrent of cold permeating the world around her, causing her to question the reality of the small city park, the old couple shuffling by, the pigeons at her feet, the bagel she shared with them, and the feel of the painted wooden bench under her. Her world was somehow a lie, and it was growing more tenuous every day.

I used to be stronger than this. How did I become so weak?

It's Heero. He's the reason.

The woman straightened, a spasm of cold almost like panic running through her, causing the flesh of her lower back to congeal icily, and her breasts to harden like stones. Every time the voice returned she looked to see if anyone else could hear it. Either they didn't or they were maliciously joining in the game of torture.

How can that be? You're wrong. Heero is the reason I was strong in the first place.

No, Relena. You were always strong. You simply had never been tested. Heero was your catalyst. You rose to the formidable task of being stronger than he was, but the strength was yours.

If the strength was mine, then why is my weakness his?

She felt a minor triumph, outwitting the voice.

Because you have put all of your belief in yourself into him. You don't have faith in your strength. You think it's all just Heero. Everything is Heero. And when he proves unworthy of such trust, you are shattered, weak, lost, stupid...

"Enough!"

The violence of her outburst scattered the pigeons clustered at her feet and caused an incurious glance from two nurses taking a smoking break two benches down. She swore silently as the grey mass of wings settled back to feast on the crumbs scattered on the cobblestones around her bench. It was bad enough that she was almost constantly conversing with herself in her head, but to lose control like this, it filled her with a cold fear, a vision of madness in isolation, in a city filled to overflowing with people who simply couldn't care less.

Not that this place is any different from where you were before, you know. Only there, they would have pretended to care simply because they need you to keep the people under control. At least here no one is lying to you.

Shut up.

Don't be childish. You know it's the truth.

It's not. It's not true. Someone cares about me.

Who? Who cares about you? And don't even think of saying Heero Yuy, because he doesn't. He doesn't, and he never will. So who then? Who really cares about you?

I don't know! Pagan. Pagan cares.

He's your servant. He doesn't count.

Why not? Just because he's a servant it doesn't invalidate him.

Oh yes it does. There's only one person who really cares about you, Relena dear.

My mother. My mother loves me.

You imbecile! I'm talking about Dorothy.

Dorothy?

Yes! Not someone who feels obligated to love you, someone who loves you just for who you are, who has stayed by your side through everything. Someone who sees just how wonderful you truly are.

Dorothy Catalonia?

Suddenly Relena was back in last night's dream, reaching out to a friend crying at her window.

This is very strange. I'm talking to myself, and my self is not me. Am I mad? Could I really be coming apart inside? Should I go see a doctor?

No! They'll recognize you!

Relena felt the urgent need to escape the voice inside her, but with a mounting feeling of hysteria she realized there was nowhere to run when the enemy is within.

Is this how Heero feels? Trapped in his own mind?

Shut up! Why is it always Heero? Can't you think of anything else, you pathetic wretch?

Stop yelling at me! You cannot remove him from me, I refuse!

You will or I will kill us both.

"Oh my God. I am mad."

Relena was on her knees, the world spinning and her mind screaming in agony as she felt herself torn in two, attacked from within. She let out a piercing howl and tried to open her eyes, tried to see the sky overhead, but everything was darkness, pressing against her, suffocating her. The last thing that made it through from the outside was the sound of another howl matching her own as she spiralled into oblivion.

*****

"Relena!"

Quatre stood motionless in front of Heero's kneeling form. He didn't understand what was going on. He hadn't even done anything yet. Was he actually in contact with her, or was the stress on Heero's emotional system simply causing another breakdown? Should he call for help? Could he handle an out of control Heero Yuy? Should he try melding with Heero's spirit now the way he was?

While Quatre's mind raced in circles of uncertainty, Heero collapsed onto the floor.

"Oh, Allah help me do the right thing."

Quatre knelt down and waveringly reached out to cover the hands that were still clamped around his friend's head. From the first moment of contact reality left him, only to be replaced by the nightmare of a soul screaming in isolation, being divided by the methodical malice of a machine gone mad.