Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Anathema ❯ Anathema ( Chapter 1 )

General Disclaimers apply: I do not own anything ok? And I kind of jacked the idea that Wu can play piano from DragonMage. But I can play it too, so I am kind of incorporating my own musical passion into my writing passion ok? Sorry Mage. ^_^ Anywho, the rights to this genius development of characters and storyline belongs to Sunrise, Sotsu and Bandai. I love you guys for making my life more interesting. I needed something to do while I was sick! Cause all I do is surf and study! Sorry I'm rambling huh?

CATEGORY: Angst

RATING: R

WARNINGS: yaoi, dark, heavy violence (BE WARNED WEAK OF HEARTS!), a little wierdness it gets creepier in the sequel,mentioned NCS don't worry, angst galore, a teeny bit of OOC personally I don't think so! And limey stuff. I write full fledged lemons too, just not this time, sorry. The pairing is supposedly 1x5, former 3x5, and some 3x4 and 1x2. This fic is pretty long. Sorry I tend to do that! ::knocks her own head with fist:: I really gotta stop. N-E-Wayz I have a sequel to this, its much more 1x5. This one is so friggin' long! Sorry. Oi! Thank you for whoever is still reading this, you are truly one of the angels of GW fanfic readers for reading the whole warnings even if it is an idiot for an author, like me. ^-^. (who is also sadistic and proud of it .)

MISC: Archivers? Hm ::blushing furiously:: personally I think I write crap. But if you want to archive it, please ask first and I'll be happy to oblige. Thank you.

Trowa: Like that will ever happen.

LunaSeraph: Hush.

Notes:

**- the past/flashback

<<>>- piano song playing

//\\- thoughts

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Anathema

By LunaSeraph

"I can still hear him."

"Just try to ignore it."

"...Why?"

"He's trash. Just play why don't you? It will get your mind off things."

"Allright."

<<Moonlight Sonata, Mozart>>

"Very good. How are your hands feeling?"

"They are still unsure of themselves. But it seems they know their way around the keys."

"...It sounds wonderful. How are you doing this?"

"I've escaped my anathema Heero."

"Meaning?"

"I no longer need him so."

"Are you sure?"

"...Yes."

*****

Wufei looked up at the ceiling a sudden sorrow bearing down on his ill-fated body. Six months into his formerly passionate relationship with Trowa, the tall banged young man began his experimentation with substances so heavily, Wufei couldn't figure how Trowa was still walking around. The Chinese youth had already been dealt a cruel hand with his new diagnosis of a mysterious deterioration of his tissues and cells [1].His mind began to fail him, allowing insanity to creep up on him at times. What a good way to die, he would think. // Such a way for me to slowly fade away from this world. Instead of a gunshot, or explosion, it is an illness ripping away at my insides. How delightful.\\ Wufei smiled sadistically at how sarcastic his own thoughts were. His mind was screaming with self destructive thoughts. Yet he could not take his own life and leave Trowa to face sobriety on his own.

Wufei stood from his position on the bed, aware that his lover was returning from work. He himself was not eligible to work any longer. Sleep spells would claim him, and arduous labor would send him spiraling into painful seizures. A feeling of strange and utter dread would flood him somehow, whenever Trowa returned. He supposed it was due to the fact that Trowa beat the shit out of him whenever the soberness would catch up with him. Of course Wufei wouldn't want to fight back. //Too much work.\\ He would think. The beatings ended sooner when there was no resistance. Besides he was too weak to move as fast as he once could.

The door opened with that horrendous sound Wufei hated so. His heart would sink when the sound of the mailbox being opened would echo into the quiet house. Hiding did him no good, for Trowa always knew where to find his lover. He had this intuition of a hunter, no prey could escape his Gundam pilot instincts. Of course some of these instincts were fried with his heroin and cocain problems. Who would have thought Trowa would fuck himself up with the snort that was supplied to him by his ex, Quatre? Wufei hated this so. It would shoot bitterness and jealousy into his veins when Trowa would visit Quatre days on end. //Just to get some blow? I don't think so. Maybe a blow job!\\

Confronting Trowa with these issues resulted in vicious altercations that left Wufei with numerous bruises. //The eminence of my own jealousy. These sores are my own bitter feelings making themselves known.\\ Wufei would think cynically.

Wufei ceased his reflection as Trowa went into the kitchen. He started downstairs, aware that Trowa had insisted he eat with him after work. Wufei cursed to himself as he forgot to warm up the lasagne Trowa had wanted after his day at the construction site. The emerald eyed bishouen could have gotten work elsehwere, but he liked the good money at the construction site. He was in charge of all operations of construction in his section of the colony.

Wufei hurried through the back end of the kitchen and plopped onto a chair at the table faster than Trowa could while he was reading the bills. His lover looked on edge as usual, the heroin withdrawal effecting him severely. At least he still wasn't in that phase where the vomit and fists flew along with the screams of both boys.

The Chinese youth looked up at his koi chastely still a bit fond of how he looked when he read. Trowa grimaced as he noticed the absence of the lasagne at the table. Wufei jumped out of his seat and towards the microwave, heating up their dinner.

The evening light poured innocent rays in through their dining room sliding doors. Trowa was silent as he always was, yet he was a volcanoe inside. He watched Wufei place the dish in the middle of the dining table and slicing a piece for him. It was ironic how much Wufei said that servitude equaled the fall of a man. And yet here he was doing just that. //I am the Dragon clan joke who gets fucked in the ass every night while my liver concaves with utter misery. Why, all I need is a dress to go along with it.\\

"Its still cold." Trowa remarked dryly glaring at Wufei from beneath his bang. Wufei looked at his food casually trying to find an apology that wouldn't anger his koi. A tangible silence hung in the air, leaving Wufei's heart to beat with anticipation. //He loves you. Its just lasagne. calm yourself.\\

"I thought you liked it cold."

*****

"How did you keep yourself away Wufei?"

"Away from what?"

"The sounds, of his screaming."

"Oh, I didn't. I heard it all. But I kept my eyes closed."

"You still felt though...right?"

"Yes, of course. I may be losing my mind, but not my senses Heero."

"Play a different song please."

"Oh allright."

<<Pathetique, Beethoven>>

*****

Wufei hissed at the nasty bruise he brushed accidentally with his hands as he bent over to retrieve the broken glass on the floor. Trowa had long since fallen asleep on the sofa after venting his anger out on Wufei over the chilly lasagne. Of course Trowa didn't desire it any longer and took a hit of blow before passing out on the leather couch in their small living room.

The Chinese teen eyed the shards of the glass pan the lasagne had been in. He tilted his head interested in the keen sharpness of it. How easily he could run those shards across his wrists allowing everything he was ailed with to just pour out of him, yet...//I was put here for a reason wasn't I? Nataku...you are no longer guiding me. Can I take my own life? Yes I can. Do I want to? Yes I do. Should I?...No...I shouldn't.\\ "Kuso." He cursed out loud, trying to find a way to escape and allowing his love to escape with him.

Wufei had no other choice. Trowa was stirring on the sofa. He had to act fast...before it was too late. Perhaps he could free Trowa and himself at the same time. The banged up boy lifted a hefty shard from the tiled floor gripping it with a passion. The blood in his veins flowed forcefully as his heart grew in speed. //How wonderous. We shall escape together.\\ He smiled hopefully as desperate tears began to well up in those priceless chocolate almond eyes of his. He walked towards the living room shard in hand, held slightly above his shoulder.

The emerald eyed ex-pilot groaned as conciousness began to threaten him. Wufei choked a bit and saw an eye open. Trowa was breathing erractically, his hand curled up around his collarbone. He was astounded.

Wufei gasped in horror as both of Trowa's eyes opened, his fear and fury blending into one predictable result. He dropped the glass, his hand bleeding, and began to back up against the wall. His lover did not rise just yet, he sat up his pupils dialating as he gazed down at the lethal shred of transparent blue glass that looked up at him, returning that confused and coked up reflection. He began to sniff, the aftermath of his hit becoming eminent. //Wufei...\\ His eyes softened for a meer second, then hardened in rage.

"Are you trying to kill me Wufei?" He asked calmly as he always did. Wufei's throat went dry and he shook his head stirring the tear drops he weilded. His lover began to rise, Wufei gasped. Trowa lifted the blade like glass and hurled it at the wall, causing the shred to plant itself three inches from Wufei's face.

Wufei didn't want anything else but to run. It was like a dream, his legs gave out on him first and his throat went dry disabling his screams. But Trowa's screams were still there.

Trowa clutched Wufei from the floor by the hair dragging him to the backyard. He practically threw his smaller counterpart against the concrete of their patio. It was suddenly grayer than before, the colony sky bearing the hideous color of a storm.

"So, you think you can get rid of me? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He tightened the grip on his lovers hair and grabbed the hose from the garden. "Stay still!" Trowa shrieked, his previous suddle facade totally diminishing with the new take in of cocain.

Wufei squirmed under the fierce hand that was holding his hair. He could not see, or smell. He could not taste anything but his fear. He heard Trowa's eternal scream and felt the hose coming down on his legs faster with the beating of his heart.

Trowa tore the hose from the wall to gain easier access to its flexibility. Once he did this

he bent in on one end and released the fury the forbidden powder was augmenting in his body. The only emotions that ran through him were anger and fear. His heartbeat began to get more audible in his own ears. The whipping sounds the hose was creating were as loud as his screams and his vision was blurred with the reflection he saw in the bloody glass before.

"How could you?! Don't you love me?!" Wufei's eyes remained shut, and his mouth remained closed. His heart was as heavy as the blows were. And he cowered beneath that cursed green cable Trowa was exerting. //If this were a dream I wouldn't feel the pain, I wouldn't hear him. Yet I cannot scream, I cannot run. This is not my only weakness. My anathema lies within me. It is I, who has created this self mutiny so inescapable. I need him to teach me what I am.\\ The tears ceased once Trowa's breath became ragged and the beating ended.

"...get in the house." He managed. Wufei got up from the ground with a muted whimper, stumbled inside the house and fled into the bathroom. Trowa could hear his lover choking with the restrained sobs that were aching in the back of his throat.

He stood alone. The solitude began to color in the vague outline of guilt he held with in his chest. Allowing his eyes to wander they landed on the thick green hose in his right hand. He clenched his eyes shut and bit his bottom lip. The reality of what he had done began to sink in. What had he become? But then again, Wufei had tried to kill him. What horror had been pumping madly in his heart as he saw his ill, and supposed delicate lover return to his murderous past. Holding that shard just three feet away from him made him crazy with anger. Yet...//I have done worse things.\\

Trowa dropped the hose and fell to his knees. //Oh God. Wufei...\\ The banged youth recollected numerous occasions where a meer snap or retort from Wufei would cause him to draw his superior fists into weapons against his Chinese boyfriend. And a night of desire turned hesitation into rape. Of course Wufei had forgiven him for that. //God. I have to get out of here.\\

Trowa hastened into the house grabbing a leather jacket and his wallet. He wanted to tell Wufei he'd be back in a couple of days. But he couldn't talk to him after what he had just done. Maybe a trip to Quatre's would help him reflect. He locked the door behind him and sped away on his motorcycle.

*****

<<Pathetique'>>

"How many times a month did he leave you Wufei?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe three times."

"Where would he go? To Quatre?"

"Yes."

"How did you manage to keep yourself alive Wufei? Didn't you feel so bitter all alone in that house? And with your illness?!"

"I had you Heero."

*****

Wufei inspected his legs and lower torsoe. So many scars, so little time to hide them. Trowa did not like to see these imperfections and would become more distant when he saw them.

He would say , "...you brought this ugliness on yourself you know. Look how hideous you are. Get away from me!" And then he'd run to Quatre. Wufei smiled sardonically at one of the purplish red rays decorating his upper thigh. //Hideous am I? Well, this is true.\\

He flinched violently at the sound of the obnoxious telephone ringing. //Heero.\\ Wufei thought grimly. The perfect soldier had this ability to call right after Trowa fled from beating Wufei. Then he would try and persuade him to leave the tall, "drugged up fucker" as Heero put him. Of course Wufei would say gingerly, "My Heero. You see, I have this weakness inside that keeps me where I am. Its the curse of an onna, yet I have it now. I just love the one that hurts me you see. No need to fret, I am just fine."

Wufei approached the phone idly, lifting it up to his ear. Hardly anyone called for him. Trowa was insanely jealous and would not allow him to go outside or answer the phone. Unless it had to do with a doctor's appointment or something.

"Hello?" Wufei answered meekly.

"Wufei." Heero breathed out. On his side of the line, Heero sat in his office typing a report for an investigation he had been conducting. Yes, Heero was in the department of justice, how Wufei envied him. The chocolate haired young man, gazed out into the city from his skyline view window. How lovely it was, when the night lights were turned on. Their glory was remarkable, how the colony had changed. But his own settling in the colony was temporary. Duo was waiting for him on earth. Heero sighed as he thought about his lover. How permiscous he was probably being while he was away. Yet he still loved him.

The former Zero pilot sighed into the phone a bit of relief washing over him as he heard Wufei's voice. He did not know why he kept calling that house. It was an everyday occurence now, such tranquility from his ardous and compelling day would capture him when he heard Wufei. He always sounded tired, yet Heero was already aware of his ailment and Trowa. He had looked into Trowa's records and dealings with those cursed substances. And he had seen Wufei.

Heero frowned in anxiety when he recalled everything he saw. Wufei's scars, Trowa's false explanations, the hospital, the words and the screams. In his own sleep he could almost hear Trowa bellying out into the colony sky. That damned poppy seed compound drilling the agony of withdrawal even deeper into his body.

"I...just wanted to know how things were..." Heero said low and soothingly. He could hear Wufei's breathing. Everything else around him seemed to fade away, the typing of co-workers, the humming of his computer, and the new e-mail from his earth planted lover. He stood with his cellular and turned off the computer. He would finish it tomorrow. He had better things to take care of.

"...Heero I shouldn't be talking to you. Besides I'm fine..."

"No you're not." Heero stated simply. He grabbed his coat and walked out into the streets headed for his car. He opened the door and sat inside for a while, a bit guilty earlier for talking to Wufei in the presence of his koi's new e-mail. This was how it was like everyday. Heero left work talking to his Chinese friend pondering over the queer new feelings that came over him when he thought about him.

Strange emotions stirred in him as he heard Wufei cough. He moved quickly and turned on the engine. Warming it up he sped away towards the two story house Trowa and Wufei occupied.

"Heero? Are you coming over again?" Wufei frowned into the phone as he heard that miserable rental engine of Heero's start. "Don't you dare come here Heero!" He demanded desperately.

"Why?" Heero asked amusing himself a bit. Wufei groaned and hung up the phone. He raced to all the doors locking them futilely. The perfect soldier could enter easily, he knew that, he just needed time to hide. If Heero saw the scars on his legs or face he would surely do something drastic. There were no excuses this time.

Frantically, he turned off all the lights and pushed power on the stereo. The booming of piano classics echoed through the house. It produced an eerie air in the house. The small raven haired teen, thought of where he could conceal himself without Heero finding him. "Aha."

Heero pulled into the driveway almost naturally in the spot where Trowa's absent bike would be. He stepped out a bit nervously. The house was darker than the emotions he began to feel, and he could hear a strange humming. He didn't bother opening the door like last time. He walked to the garage and stepped inside the small side door that Wufei obviously forgot to lock. He was close. The garage was barren, yet he could see some old furniture and suitcases in the corner.

Curiosity held him as he passed a loose brick in the wall. He touched the masonry cautiously and then removed the brick. Pot and heroin sat behind it in transparent bags. It was an abundant supply, Heero looked deeper into the opening to find the white powdery element, cocain. Rolling his eyes in frustration he removed the stash to throw away later and returned the brick to its spot. Perhaps that would help a bit. Turning around he discovered that the door connecting the garage and the house was locked, so he picked at it. //Damn.\\ The lock must have been tampered with. //Wufei...\\

After a couple of minutes of incessant picking, Heero opened the cursed door and walked into the horrendously eerie sound of Wufei's piano playlist booming throughout the household. He struggled to find the source of the noise. The grand piano had no hands playing it, and the stereo emanated the song through the entire house. Finally he saw the disc player and its towering speakers. Placing the cellular he was holding on one of the towers, he threw his hands at the panel and shut off the blasted thing. "Wufei?" He called up at the stairway that lead to the dark bedrooms over head.

"Wufei, where are you?" He sighed in frustration. The previous time he had come, Wufei actually talked to him. Now he hid. Why? //I know why.\\ Heero deducted grimly. He marched up the stairs sensing his friend's presence up there.

He searched endlessly, every closet empty, every balcony lonely. He thought about it for a while. Wufei was very small. Heero hastened into the bathroom in the hall and looked inside the cabinet beneath the sink[2]. Nothing. The guest bathroom. Nothing. Trowa and Wufei's. //I should have thought of that one first!\\ He reached for the tiny knob only to find resistance on the other side.

"Wufei get out of there!" Heero growled as he pulled on the defiant little door.

"Go away!" The shriek from the other side, caused Heero to pull harder.

"Do you want me to kick the door in?! Because I will!" Heero kicked the door firmly only to startle the boy. Wufei's sobs were audible.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" He cried. Wufei let go of the knobs on his side and sobbed into his hands. He was curled up skillfully in the cubical cabinet. And he was able to sit up straight and have a little room to spare.

"Wufei..." Heero said a little softer as he opened the small doors. He reached inside to guide his friend out of the enclosure. Wufei stood up and looked up into those majestic blue eyes he loved so much. They were just like Trowa's but deeper and more beautiful.

Heero sighed and looked Wufei up and down. He shook his head and could not believe this was the same Wufei he fought with during the war. The Wufei that lived for justice and enbodied everything that resiliance and might was. Yet...here he was this meek and pathtetic excuse for a seventeen year old boy. His body shook with now natural tremors and the insipid look in his eyes and skin stirred with the after sobs.

Heero said nothing. His heart was burning with the relentless pain given to him from the sight Wufei's marks, bloody nose and fading spirit. Wasn't he ill already? How could Trowa let himself do this? Heero's fist clenched at his side furiously. He took Wufei into his arms and led him to the bedroom.

"My God, what has he done to you?" Heero whispered as he held his friend closely. Wufei kept his eyes lowered, never wanting to share his shame. Heero was so strong, so perfect so everything he wanted to be, but couldn't. How unfair it was.//Damn you Trowa. I need you too

much.\\

Wufei shook violently as Heero tightened his embrace. Letting go suddenly Heero looked at his comrade closely. "Didn't Trowa promise to take care of you Wufei? Did he not guarantee you happiness? What the hell happened?!" Anger laced his words and the boys stared each other down for a good while.

//God, I want to kiss you.\\ Heero thought drunkenly, his face nearing that small ebony head. A beauty so forbidden, it had to be concealed with those bruises. That perfect complexion marred with purple and blue. How awful. As quick as his heart was beating, Heero found his lips tenderly pressing against each bruise and scrape. Wufei closed his eyes the sensation of foreign lips brushing against his pain so delicately he felt like crying right there in his arms. Every pore was begging for Heero's lips to pass over them. His mind was flooded with mixed thoughts of what Trowa would have done if he ever found out. But those were all chased away with the ethereal gentleness he was being presented with.

Heero lowered his hands from Wufei's arms to his torsoe where he was presented a violent flinch. Wufei gasped at the sudden burning that began to augment when Heero's hands met his waist. He had forgotten about those fresh welts of internal bleeding. Heero's curiosity guided him once again as he lifted Wufei's shirt.

He could not see that well and asked Wufei to lower his silk white pants. The incredible rawness of what he saw fueled him to gasp aloud. He placed a hand over his mouth at the sight of those foot long lashings decorating his friend's legs. Every single one had it's own distinct shape and color.

"No, its not as bad as it looks...!" Wufei tried to explain frantically. Icy panic gripped his heart as rage began to flood into those precious cobalt eyes his friend possessed .

"Not as bad as it looks!" Heero rose. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He gripped Wufei's shoulders and pulled him to the full length mirror. "Look at that Wufei! Look at it!" He shouted. Wufei clenched his eyes shut. The screams being all he was aware of. Heero's grip on his arms were no longer there, and he could not feel the burning in his lower body. All he could sense was Heero's screams, suddenly transforming into Trowa's mindless shrieking. His face was no longer twisted in pain any longer. He went slack as he was engulfed by nothingness. How beautiful it was too. Everything was gone, except the screaming. He could live with those. War had made him accustomed to those you see.

"Wufei."

The empty space gave him hope. Promise. There were matters that needed him. He was needed now. Not needing. "I live in nothingness now. Leave me alone."

"You know you can't do that Wufei."

"Heero?"

"Look at yourself."

"My eyes are closed."

"Wufei! Look at yourself. Wufei!" As reality began to return, both boys were silenced as they recongnized their circumstances. Wufei's eyes lowered to his legs taking in every hideous scar, every swollen lashing mark. All this was done how? With a garden hose. Only Trowa could be that resourceful. Heero took in the endless pain in his friend's eyes. "I'm here Wufei. I'm here." He softened and carressed the side of Wufei's face, feeling a bit guilty for shouting so.

As quickly as it all started, Wufei found Heero's ghostly lips covering his own. Such delicacy they possessed. He felt himself tremble and whimper under the kiss. //Kusotare, how weak am I being in front of him? Does it even matter? Trowa. Heero. What's happening?\\

Wufei struggled to remove himself from that imperial kiss. How he hesitated to leave Heero's embrace, his lips. "Please leave."

"I'm not leaving you like, like *this!*" He motioned to the Chinese boy's legs and face. Heero could feel his heart in his throat as tears formed in those wide beautiful almond shaped eyes. A sigh escaped the both of them almost simultaneously.

"I know you won't. But for now, I can't have you here."

"Wufei I-"

"You what? You *need* to know I'm ok? Yes Heero, you told me last time. I'm fine."

"You're ill." Heero said bluntly. "He shouldn't be doing this to you when you're sick!"

"He's sick too Heero-"

"That's his own fault. He fucked himself up you know." Heero placed his hands in his pocket and glared into the corner of the room that apparently seemed to be offending him. Wufei crossed his arms. He couldn't say anything else except.

"What now?"

"You tell me." Heero frowned and turned to inspect the room. Everything seemed intact, no signs of violence anywhere, except on Wufei. His lips straightened into a line as he contemplated his departure. Duo would probably be calling his apartment at this time. He glanced at his watch and cursed.

"Wufei...if you ever get in another...scuffle...with Trowa. Promise me that you will come to me first." He looked dead serious as he gripped his friend's shoulders.

"Heero I-"

"Promise me." He deepened his frown. Wufei hesitated and then nodded. It would only

be a matter of time before Trowa would grow angry again. What did he just say yes to?

"You have to go." Wufei whispered. Heero nodded and walked downstairs with the Chinese boy close behind. Heero glanced around the house.

"Why don't you ever play that piano?" He asked almost casually.

"Oh, I do. Its just I haven't been able to lately." He bit his lip and looked up at his friend.

How handsome he was. Heero Yuy, the perfect everything. Duo was so lucky. // The hideous such as you do not deserve such things. That is why you have Trowa and he does not even love you.\\ Wufei cringed at the sudden mental outburst.

"You should really start playing again then." Heero smiled a bit. How he changed now that the wars were over. Wufei nodded and smiled back. Heero placed his hands on the sides of Wufei's delicate face once again. He stared down lightly and exhaled in sadness. Without reason or a care for everything around him, he passionately kissed this frail boy with all the forbidden love he was feeling so suddenly. It was so deep, so wonderous, he couldn't imagine how he ever stopped kissing.

There was so much power in those lips. Wufei could feel Heero's strength coursing through him in that moment. Where he wanted to run to was right there. Everything was safe and painless there.

// I want to run this place, where sorrow is just a little girl whom you comfort with a candy bar. But, I am a beacon of misery. Nothing can help my hideousness. Heero is blinded with the evil that lies within me. Perhaps I should baptize myself in the sink, maybe then I wouldn't feel so malignant.\\ Wufei said nothing when it was over. Heero walked to the car door.

"I'll be watching the house Wufei. And call me ok? When and if you get the chance."

And with that he drove off.

*****

"I couldn't always be there. I should have been there."

"I know that. But that was my fault."

"Duo never called. He was with someone else that day."

"That was not your fault."

"I know that."

"Well, why mention it now?"

"Because, I was just thinking."

"What, what are you thinking?"

"How I chased him away."

"That was your fault."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"How do you keep playing so much? Why don't you stop?"

"No. I want to play a couple more songs."

"Fine."

<<Appassionata>>

*****

<<Appassionata>>

Every note every sound vibrated beneath his fingertips. His heart was light with that exceptional melody he was controlling. He felt at peace once again and nothing had offered him this power before. Gods, he was at a height, he could almost feel his strength returning.

"Wufei..." //Shit.\\

*****

"You know this is the same song I was playing when Trowa came home."

"Why are you playing it then?"

"I don't know. I like this song. Its not the song's fault Trowa decided to come home that moment."

"Was he high at the time?"

"As usual..."

*****

Trowa frowned at the dizziness plaguing his senses at the moment. He could sense something wrong, something distorted. He walked into the garage and took a peek at his prized emergency stash. Somehow sobriety was not his thing. He had to return to the tantalizing escape of those precious tools hidden within the confines of the masonry. It had been moved.

He gasped in disgust. Who would be so low to disturb his beautiful little treasure behind that brick? Anger surged through every vein, pumping fury out of every pore, through every nerve. Nothing was going to keep him anymore. It was all unlocking his doubt, his guilt, his self determination to change. It was gone, along with the stolen blow and tar. He cursed and opened the door to the house.

"Wufei...." He called warningly. The piano was being played. The piano Wufei begged him to get in the beginning of their relationship. When Wufei wasn't ill. When Trowa was straight edge. When things were the way they wanted them to be. Trowa softened the anger temporarily submitting as those dreams they spoke of came back to him. He sighed and with all the rationality left in his senses he pondered over apologizing to Wufei. Yes he had gone to Quatre for a coke fix and a Quatre fix. As he recalled the visit to Quatre, he mulled over his love sitting innocently in the parlor, playing his favorite instrument. //Wufei...\\ Trowa breathed out and recollected lost laughter he could barely hear. Wufei's birthday, such a beautiful night. The sabbath when Wufei had made pork chops and Trowa ate them thinking them as steaks[3]. So many precious times. Sweet love making. Holiday shopping. But things had to change.

Wufei's diagnosis. Valentine's Day at Quatre's. Introduction to pot at a Passover party. Wufei's first seizure. Trowa's cocain purchase. Wufei and Trowa's first fight. Wufei's first black eye. Trowa's first tar needle. Trowa's second trip to Quatre's.

Trowa stopped thinking about the moments and their meta morphosis. He looked at his arms, all the needle pin points that resided were beginning to fade away. But, the brick. Who took his stash? His cravings began to return along with the anger. That primal urge to bash anyone who dare touch his territory arose. As he strode towards the parlor he noticed something small and silver on one of the speaker towers. He squinted at the unfamiliar object and neared it. A cell phone.

Picking it up, he scowled. Wufei's? Couldn't be. Then who's? He hastened angrily to the parlor. "Wufei!.." He called out gruffly as he neared the room. The lovely melody ceased.

*****

"Wufei..."

"Hm?"

"Why did you let it get so bad?"

"...I suppose I had no other choice..."

*****

Trowa entered the parlor. Enfuriated and high his senses were once again insanely driven by that anger. Wufei sat frozen, his hands kept upon the keys. No notes were playing however. His trembling was apparent.

"Wufei! Who's is this?!" He shoved the cellular in front of the sheet music. Wufei's eyes widened, keeping his hands still and his right foot on the damper pedal, he managed to get nothing out.

"Who's is it Wufei?!" Trowa shouted miserably. His voice echoed horribly throughout the whole house. A terrible silence accompanied the fear Wufei hoarded as he stared directly past the device and into the sheet music. So much screaming. The world was empty, except for the screaming. How much more? Will this end? Don't let the nothingness cease!

*****

"Choice? You always have a choice Wufei."

"I loved him, you understand."

*****

"You know don't you?!" Trowa pressed the CID and managed to find "MAXWELL Unknown number" on the screen. //Heero.\\ Trowa thought. Yes, he was on the colony. Who else would have left it here?

"He was here wasn't he?" Trowa stood up straight and crossed his arms. How much he tried to keep that fury under control. But, the horrid picture of Heero, here. Close to Wufei. Probably touching him. Kissing him. Trowa assumed the worst.

Pushing the music-sheet booklet clear off the piano with the phone, Trowa screamed out again.

"He was here wasn't he?!" Wufei shook his head frantically, never making eye contact with his angered lover. //Why am I so afraid? Why is he moving so slow?\\ Wufei tilted his head a bit, aware that his illness was making itself known. Things were moving slower, so unreal. A small smile flitted across his bruised face. Trowa was flailing his arms about, his movements were altered with that hallucination of the nothingness Wufei hoarded. But it stopped with Trowa.

"Wufei...answer me...." Trowa walked around the piano slowly. He stood eerily to the left of Wufei. The inflicted Chinese boy sat still, hands still on the same keys they were on when he had ceased playing moments ago. Everything was so placid. Trowa shrieked as much as Wufei predicted. The taller boy eyed the keys and the little vertical door that kept them safe.

*****

"Loved."

*****

"Wufei, did Heero come to this house?!" Wufei shook his head. "Don't lie to me!"

Trowa ran his fist into the top shelf of the piano.

Silence.

*****

"...I couldn't just leave him. He was all I had."

*****

"You want me to hurt you?!" Trowa began to shout again. "You like it do you not? You like me hurting you! Don't you?!" Wufei shook his head slowly, gulping and dreading.

"Yes you do. Tell me now! Was Heero here?!"

"...no..." Wufei said under his breath while shaking his head once again. Trowa snorted and slammed the long door down on Wufei's positioned hands.

*****

"You had me."

"I know."

"But I wasn't there."

"Thats my fault."

"I forgot the phone."

"...I know..."

*****

It was the first time Wufei had cried out. The impact of that heavy wooden panel crushed his small fingers. He shrieked madly as his hands remained trapped in between those precious white and black keys and his piano's solid wooden panel-door. The slam caused the keys to emit this horrid sound of them being pummeled simultaneously. Trowa kept his placid facade afloat.

Wufei looked up at his lover, his Trowa, the one who used to take away the pain from the past , from the wars. Now wide eyed and crying out, Wufei shuddered under his own screams, Trowa for once was silent while pressing down on that flat panel a little more he shouted.

"This is what you wanted! First you try to kill me and now you bring Heero in to fuck you? You ugly little swine!" Trowa's breathing was as frightening as the words. His voice was laced with a terrible growling sound probably originating from the flem the pot had created. Wufei searched in his throat a means to retort. He finally found the last bit of strength his ill-fated body was able to spare him.

"What of you and Quatre? Don't tell me you went over there just to talk, you disgrace!" Wufei said dryly.

*****

"I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"For everything."

"...Heero..."

"You stopped playing."

*****

Trowa backhanded the smaller boy so powerfully he was set free from the excrutiating pain of the piano's key panel and sent to the parlor floor.

"You were with him weren't you?" Trowa clutched Wufei by the hair and sniffed it.

"Stupid pig, I can smell him all over you!" He cried almost sadly. He gripped the Chinese youth and dragged him by those silky yet resiliant locks, up the stairs.

"He has dirtied you! I can smell him all over you!" Trowa entered their bathroom with Wufei and turned on the bathtub.

"Don't worry I'll make you clean!" He twisted the knob to Hot and let the tub fill up. His crazed eyes scanned the little room. Wufei thrashed madly under his hand.

"Let me go!" He sobbed. The weakness of his sickness showing in his struggle. "Dammit Trowa let me go!" His eyes went wide under the new steam as Trowa lifted him and threw him into the water.

*****

"Wufei...."

"..."

"Why have you stopped?"

"...I don't know."

"You want to rest?"

"...-No. I don't. Let me play one more."

*****

"There now. You're all clean. No more. Your clean. Wufei?" Trowa cradled a now hoarse Wufei in his arms. His lover no longer emitted tremors, nor whimpers. His sight had gone, his heart had left and his other senses of smell and taste were absent as well. All he could do now was listen to the screams.

Heavy red rashes now accompanied the lashing scars he had recieved two days prior. His hands were crushed and probably broken in several places. His skin was numbed by the excrutiating heat the water in the tub weilded. There were no more words. He closed both eyes.

*****

"Heero, I don't know which song...to play."

"Wufei?"

"..."

"Please just rest will you?"

"I can't!"

*****

"Hello?"

"Wufei..."

"How'd you know I was here?" Wufei whispered tiredly into the hospital phone. His hands were bandaged up and his body was wrapped in a light sheet like guaze that numbed the pain a bit.

"How do you think you got there?"

"I don't know. I woke up a couple of minutes ago."

"Trowa's gone."

"What happened?"

"I told you I would watch the house."

"You let him go."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Its you I want to come with me."

"Where? Earth?"

"Yes."

*****

"Wufei, there's no need to cry."

"I'm not crying."

"Yes you are."

"No. I'm not."

*****

Wufei covered his ears and dropped the phone. //I don't want to leave him . Where did he go?\\ Alone in the hospital room, he gazed down at his hands wondering if they'd ever play the piano the same. Wondering if he would ever recuperate from this. Wondering if he'd survive his ailment. Wondering idly. "I can't go with you Heero." He said aloud to the fallen telephone.

*****

"Just let it go Wufei."

"I can scream too you know!"

****

The shuttle trip to earth was a very uncomfortable one. Everyone just had to stare at Heero and the bruised boy that accompanied him. The truth of the matter was, that a psychiatric ward on earth had requested Wufei be transfered and allowed to live there. His behavior became a spectacle for some of the nurses and doctors. He was so defensive, so sardonic and yet well mannered with it. It was strange. Heero eyed his small friend a bit fearful of what thoughts were running through that beautiful little head of his.

Wufei had not seen Trowa or felt Trowa for that matter in a week. It was driving him insane. And it felt like a withdrawal of his own. He pondered of what Trowa might be doing at Quatre's bountiful estate. Perhaps they were just studying or practicing their music. Wufei whined aloud as his rationality bid him to listen to his insanity. For he knew that was not the case. //They're probably fucking as I sit here. Why Heero? Why did you let him go? Could you not see I loved him?\\

Heero groaned inwardly as he peered at the frail boy gazing into the unknown regions of the space that surrounded them. He could not believe he let Trowa get away. He was prone to kicking the shit of that lanky teen's ass if it was the last thing he did [4]. However Trowa was crafty and could not hear the screams that Wufei could. His mind set forth a better plan of taking Wufei to the hospital and fleeing under a different name. He left that beautiful house to wither in emptiness.

"I could not chase him you know."

"I know." Wufei said calmly, turning to smile at his friend. His cheeks heightened bringing some relief to those purple and black blotches across his face. His hands were bandaged delicately and sat innocously on his lap. Gods he looked so small. Heero looked into the laptop instead of this boy he was growing to love. It was very strange indeed, that he fall in love with Wufei and not even touch him as intimately as he did with Duo.

He recalled how he had fallen in love with Duo. They had sex and after a couple of weeks, Heero found he loved that braided idiot. Yet, although Duo stated the feelings were mutual, the perfect soldier was aware of the scandalous activities Duo would engage himself in. Heero was away alot and Duo proved his unfaithfulness time and time again. //How wretched. And still I can't leave him.\\ Heero shook his head and opened an e-mail his lover sent to him.

Heero 6:45 am

Hey koi. I miss you too much. Look I know you feel guilty for leaving me all alone. But cool it I'm fine. And I'm sorry, for everything. I love you. Heero, I think we should marry. Please come home soon and no unpleasant surprises.

Duo 6:46 am

*****

"Wufei...sh. Its not good to get so excited. You aren't well!"

"I've never been well Yuy! Let me go!"

"Wufei...I'm-not gonna hurt you! -will you calm down?!"

"You said it yourself, I'm not fine. I let it get too bad. And now I'm an insane invalid. They wanted me in there Heero. They wanted me there. Why did you offer to take me in?!"

"...I-"

*****

INTERMISSION: I am SO sorry this is so long. Please forgive me. I love anyone who has read this far. If you have been to my homepage, you know how my sister draws. Well, if you email me your fav part of the story or a request for an image I will send you a picture from that part or your request. Anyway, keep your tears inside. My sister sobbed when she read this. Ha ha ha, weakling. Ahem sorry, she does the drawing I do the writing as you know. And I have other affiliates that I know personally. So visit my page and take a peek at our works and I long for feedback. Positive and Negative CC only! flamers will get a picture of Relena in their email if I find the adress out! Sorry. Ok muh beautiful long haired (most likely he he) fans, keep reading. Luckily you saved the fic to read over time.

Oh and Im sorry this is so angsty and violent. I am Queen Sadist in my own little realm. I don't want to give myself a title just yet. I'm a rookie to this yaoi homepage fic writing thing! I love

everyone.

*****

NOTES:

[1] I don't know jack fooey about medical stuff! ::sweatdrops:: I'm majoring in English for crying out loud! Just bear with me! My sister says she will beat me up for making Wufei sick in all my fics! I am a sadistic little retard who needs to go out and surf!

[2] I can fit in the cabinet beneath MY sink! Am I the only one? ::looks around frantically:: It has no shelves, that's probably why. -_-;;

[3] I just wanted to make Trowa Jewish. Because I'm half! Don't stone me! I'm sorry! ::wails::

[4] OK, I love Trowa ( I mean I LOVE Trowa, he's SO cool!). I just needed a bad guy! And I love Duo too much to make him like that. ::whimpers:: please don't hate me you guys.

Trowa: Oh don't worry they do.

LunaSeraph: Quiet you!

Trowa: Don't yell at me. You're the sadist here.

LunaSeraph: So? At least I don't beat up little WuPanda.

Trowa: Thats why its called a fanfic, idiot onna.

Wufei: Hey that's my line!

Trowa: ::sweatdrops::

Oi vey! Okies muh little shining stars.

Go to part B or the sequel whatever of the fic please! ^-^