Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Anathema ❯ Anathema B ( Chapter 2 )

Dislcaimers: Sunrise Sotsu, Bandai geniuses in Japan. Not mine.

Warnings: Yaoi, lots of other bad stuff. E-to.

Notes: Yeah, I am inaccurate aren't I? Gosh. Sorry about idiocracies. I honestly don't know where this is going, I am just meandering about in my own insanity. So I apologize for anything retarded that makes you cringe. And please review. And don't use MY alias! Someone reviewed w/ MY alias! What the hell! Maybe Mediaminer is messing up or something. But it was weird. Ok.

Okies, same deal as last time, when it comes to the pairings.

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Wufei stood behind Heero as the perfect soldier mulled over how to explain the Chinese boy's presence. The cobalt eyed youth did not wish for Wufei's recovery to take place in such a horrid place like the psychiatric ward they had visited a couple of hours ago. So he decided to take Wufei in and care for him himself.

Heero had taken several classes in psycology and knew what he was doing. Yet he never was too good with emotions. Perhaps in a war type environment he wouldn't feel so obligated to helping someone like Wufei. Unless it was a mission.

Duo sat eagerly at the table in front of a huge dinner he had prepared for his koi's return. He hadn't been much of a devoted lover while he was away. Of course Heero being away three months on an investigation trip was too much for him to handle. He had been unfaithful. And he felt very bad about it. So he promised himself the devotion everyone talked so much about. A heavy heart beat within him. Hesitation causing him to cringe at that email he had sent in the morning. Why did he ever mention marriage? It wasn't as if Heero and he ever spoke of such things. After all, Duo was mostly after the sex in the relationship. And yes, he did care for Heero deeply. Deeply enough to promise him something he himself didn't feel ready for.

He looked into a kitchen mirror smiling at how good looking he was. Perhaps marriage was not a good idea. He felt himself trying to capture those precious moments he had with Heero the first time they had met. He had hoped that would be all. Mind blowing sex in the hangar, inside the Gundam, their passion filled screams echoing and bouncing off of the metallic walls that surrounded them. Duo had never seen Heero so open, so full of want. How delightful it was to wake beside that strong, lithe form the next morning. But if he wanted more, so did Heero. Duo shook his head in frustration. //I love Heero. That's that. I will clean up my act and be everything for him.\\ he smirked at his conclusive thoughts. Heero would be home in half hour.

*****

"Heero! Can't you see?! I'm now the anathema in your life! You don't have Duo anymore! You miss work and school for what?! For me?! Why?! You have nothing!"

"Dammit Wufei! I have you!"

*****

Heero opened the door slowly taking in the wonderful eroma of Duo's skilled ancient western cooking. Barbecue ribs were adorned on a circular plate as the auntrey and wine accompanied the beautiful assortment of fruits and sweet breads. He could see rice and salmon mixed into one delightful side dish. He felt like it was his birthday. Oh the setting was wonderful, low lights fine music. The dinner table was blessed with what seemed to be the skill of a woman's hand. But Duo had long since learned how to cook for himself and his lover. He smiled at how lucky he was to have Duo cook for him. But, a small cough behind him interrupted his thoughts and returned that anxiety of circumstance.

Duo entered the room with a dish towel in his hand, dropping it at the queer sight that

laid before him.

"Heero?"

Heero smiled and led Wufei inside. The tiny seventeen year old sat silently in the living room while Heero and his confused lover went into the kitchen to discuss matters.

"What the fuck is he doing here?!" Duo whispered harshly as he glared at Heero from beneath his beautiful bangs. He was a bit too jealous for his own good. Heero sighed and faced the sink, his hands planting themselves on the counter.

"Not even a welcome home?"

"Don't get like that with me Heero! Look at the food I made, man! How is that for a welcome home?!" Duo growled and crossed his arms.

"I'm sorry koi..." He frowned and leaned against the counter. Tears of frustration and anger began to make their way into his usually stoic eyes. Those gorgeous recesses of ocean blue were rippled with the tiny rivers flowing down his cheeks.

"Heero." Duo said firmly. "What is going on?"

Wufei glared at his bandaged hands and then glanced outside. The house was beautiful, much more so than his own on the colony. This was earth, beautiful real earth. This was how it was supposed to be. The earth the people's home. Not some artificial thing created for the men to bask in. A bit like the substances Trowa had destroyed himself with.

The house had seven bedrooms and plenty of space for him to scream. A healthily large lake resided half a mile from the house. Several other homes bordered that precious water as well. Many cherry blossom trees were dormant beneath the wintry sky. A light snow fell around the house decorating that November afternoon.

*****

"Heero?"

"I'm sorry."

"No. ...Don't be."

*****

Duo's mouth twitched as Heero described the almost atrocious activities in the house he had been checking in on for the three months he spent on the colony. He held his breath in anxiety as Heero clenched his eyes shut and bit his lip.

"Wufei, isn't well Duo."

"What do you mean? I mean you told me he was ill before-"

"-He's not well up here." Heero pointed towards his temple and glared into Duo. The braided beauty scowled and threw a dish off of the counter. It shattered instantly.

"Don't. Fuck. With. Me." Duo closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "If he isn't well up *here* than why is he with you? HERE?!" Duo hollered and clutched his head at the sudden rumble of screams that began to augment in his mind. He exhaled and eyed the boy in the living room who flinched at the shouting. Guilt and sadness plugged in at once. God, his heart ached with the sight of those bruises, those bandaged hands and the insipid sickliness his once mighty friend possessed. How could this happen? Why? He felt like flying up to L3 and kicking Trowa's ass. Yet, why did Heero take him in? Why did Heero watch over Wufei? Jealousy began to return.

"So, Heero, why did you visit so much anyway?" Duo crossed his arms and leaned against a cabinet.

Heero squinted in confusion. His lover's brows were lifted in a maternal fashion. Heero shook his head and chuckled tiredly.

"Duo, don't you start getting like this. You tell me everything you did while I was gone and I will tell you what I did. Fair?" Heero said smoothly. Duo shook his head and snorted.

"Come and eat you little shit." He said jokingly. He glanced at Wufei who seemed to be interested in the lake.

"Wufei? You hungry?"

"...no..."

"Yes he is." Heero strode to the living room and grabbed Wufei by the arm. He led him

into their dining room. "He was just sedated a while ago."

"Sedated. Why?" Duo looked frantic for a while.

"He tends to scream for no reason. And he gets pretty strange. You'll see later on in the night. It occurs often the doctor told me. We have to keep an eye on him and make sure he goes to his appointments. Plus, he was already ill, so he has medications." Duo frowned as Heero explained these dire matters. Wufei seemed hazy and oblivious to his condition being summarized. How terrible, Duo thought. What kind of mess was he suddenly getting into? He felt scared. How could he help Heero watch Wufei like some child? Duo squinted in reluctance.

"Allright let's eat."

*****

"Wufei. There's nothing I want more than for you...to..."

"Don't Heero...I-"

"Why?"

"Just don't."

*****

Heero sat in his own spacious parlor watching Wufei walk around in a strange little circle. His sedative was beginning to kick in. And his eyes began to grow gray with weariness. Duo stood at the doorway with a concerned frown on his face. Heero had been spending the whole day with this boy. This insipid fading boy. How dare he? Duo crossed his arms and snorted.

"I'm going out!" He shouted and hastened to the kitchen. Heero lifted his brows and turned around.

"Ok." He shouted back. Wufei groaned and leaned against a wall. He lowered himself to the floor and shut his eyes. Heero strode over and lifted the boy to take him to sleep.

Wufei's room was mostly white. The walls were white, as were his bed sheets. It suited his empty mannerisms. His window faced that lake he loved so much . The curtains were long and blanch like his old ones on the colony. This he did not like.

He sighed softly as Heero placed him gently on that ever so comfortable goodness of his very own mattress. Heero and Duo never really held guests. And this room was untouched. Like he wanted things to be. He moved slowly, allowing that heavenly power of the sedative to lull his aching head to sleep.

Heero covered this languidly beautiful boy with a thin blanket and started for the door. On his way out, he turned around to gaze into what he had brought himself to do. Inner turmoil kept him from doing this sooner. But now guilt raided his rationality, for that responsibility of protecting his fellow pilots, he couldn't live up to. And it mocked him. It mocked his dreams and his ears, taking shape of a scream or shriek of madness. He grunted as he nearly tripped over the vacumm Duo probably knocked over. //I left the phone there. I left my presence there. I left Wufei there! Its my fault. That is why this is happening!\\

*****

"Wufei. I want you to be here with me. That's all I want."

"You can never have me Heero."

*****

Duo sat at the table facing Heero. His eyes were prone to produce a mass amount of tears. He winced at the screaming from the room four doors down.

"Just try and ignore it."

"Its too awful." Duo's mouth trembled. He felt like screaming himself. And he felt alone. Heero was at the other side of their room work table focusing on his report for a class he was taking. And his dutiful lover had work in the morning, plus two scheduled appointments he attended with Wufei. The past week left him full of that bitterness he would never expect to feel. He had to create a diversion from that tiny screaming boy in the parlor. Wufei spent his time in that empty room just screaming. How could one scream so much?

"He's held it in all this time Duo." Heero droned as if reading his mind.

"Huh?"

"The screaming. He was holding it in with Trowa." Heero looked up briefly and then returned to his work. Duo groaned and sipped on his coffee.

"Heero. What about us?"

"Hm? What do you mean?" Heero asked still concentrating on his work.

"I mean that, why haven't we had one peaceful moment together?"

"We have!"

"Without HIM screamin' in the backround. I don't know about you, but I feel kind of

weird with someone else screaming for me when it comes to getting down." Duo sighed in all seriousness and looked at Heero. His eyes were filled with what seemed to be pain. Moreso, it was regret. The perfect soldier eyed him curiously.

"Duo. Do you want to have sex or something? Because this is going to take all night." Heero chuckled. Duo rolled his eyes and stood up. Crossing his arms he looked at Heero, expecting something more.

"You know Heero. Sometimes I think you want to spend more time with *him* than me."

"Duo, shut up." Heero said lazily. He stopped his work to glare at his jealous lover.

"You can't expect me to believe that, while I'm at work, you're just sitting around

talking!"

"I work Duo. Don't start." Heero shook his head. He was being honest. Occasionally Wufei and he took walks by the lake. But it was just to affirm the new peace that Wufei could possibly try to feel. However, feelings lingered in him. He found himself unable to function without knowing the Chinese boy was ok. But he never did anything that would cause him to stray.

*****

"..Wha-what do you mean?!"

"That's how you lost Duo, isn't it?"

"NO! He left on his own. He wasn't faithful. I-"

"I love Trowa. I always will. And he was unfaithful."

*****

Heero closed his eyes. He bent down and locked lips with the sleeping Wufei. It had been a month since the boy first came in through their door. How much had changed that month. He was on sabbatical, because of his new assignment to Wufei. And the snowfall began to get heavier with each passing day. Each moment spent with that tiny Chinese beauty created tensions between Duo and he.

Rubbing his face after the kiss, Heero sighed sadly. He had just put Wufei to bed. The smaller boy's hands were bandaged still. But the other scars were fading slowly. Beneath all of that black and blue was the beautiful vibrant face of Chang Wufei. Heero wondered if the hose lashings had diminished yet. He grew curious.

Wufei was wearing one of Heero's loose pajama shirts and a pair of comfortable pants. He never wanted to wear shorts. //Figures.\\ Heero carefully lowered the slumbering teen's pants to inspect the scars that were concealed for that month. He tilted his head at the extreme welts that had submerged, leaving thin lines that seemed to be leaving. The burn marks from the bathtub had gone as well, given that Wufei was thrown in there for a brief ten seconds. The beautiful smooth texture of Wufei's skin was returning. Heero smiled and involuntarily laid his head on Wufei's stomach. He could faintly feel the heartbeat that small body was producing. Sighing he wanted to fall asleep right then and there. To stay and keep this little, lost soul from ever getting hurt again.

//Wufei. I love you.\\ Heero admitted internally. He swallowed hard as he heard a shriek in his ears once again. Those eerie mandatory screams echoing in his brain whenever he thought of Wufei. It wouldn't be quiet. Not until Wufei allowed the screams to cease. That abomination inside of him, taking a physical form as the virus plaguing his veins, created the screams. They were accompanied by the memories of Trowa. Of the wars. Of everything he longed to forget.

//Wufei. Just surrender. Please. Surrender is much more honorable than taking it all for eternity. He's gone. I'm here. Please.\\ Wufei stirred and moaned as Heero jerked away from his position on the bed. Heero peered down sadly into the face he wanted to kiss again. So he chanced it and planted one on the boys soft lips once more. //I love you.\\

Duo walked away from his spot in the doorway. Unfortunately for Heero, Duo was the only one who could remain undetected to his ears. The braided beauty bit his lip and began to make his way to the bedroom. He slipped under the covers and laid his saddened head on the pillow. He frowned and jumped up. He wouldn't leave without a bang. Perhaps Duo had it coming to him; Heero falling in love with someone else and all. He did cheat on the perfect soldier five times. //But it was with chicks. And prostitutes for that matter. Does that count?\\ Duo clenched his eyes shut. Sex was his weakness. And he was losing Heero. Everything was falling apart. //Fuck! I *would* have been true to Heero, if that brat didn't come down here! Why Heero? Why couldn't you just let him stay with the doctors. At least they don't fall in love with their patients!\\ Duo hurled a table lamp against the wall. It seemed he was breaking alot of things lately.

*****

"How can you still love him?! HOW?!"

"...heero, stop-"

"WHY?! BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM?! YOU WANT ME TO GO BACK TO DUO?! WHY?!WUFEI! ANSWER ME!"

"...stop screaming..."

"NO! I WILL NOT! YOU SAY YOU CAN STILL HEAR HIM! WELL, HEAR *ME* DAMMIT! THIS IS WHAT *I* SOUND LIKE WHEN I SCREAM!"

*****

"Heero."

"Yeah?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Going to bed." Heero slipped out of his shoes and removed his pants. Climbing under the sheets, he stretched out and attempted to turn off the absent light. Duo stood in his corner with his arms crossed. His eyes were pained, yet flooded with that ubiquitous anger and bitterness he had been harboring for the past month. Heero looked to him a bit in annoyance.

"Lay down will you?"

"No. Not with you. Not anymore."

"Oh, come off it." Heero closed his eyes and sighed for the thousandth time that night. It seemed the depression of the whole situation between Duo, Wufei and he was getting to him. He could feel Duo's angry stare on him. He didn't feel nervous when it came to Duo. That boy only intimidated him in the bed.

Heero finally gave in and rose from his spot on the bed. He looked Duo straight in the eyes, never faltering. Duo frowned nervously but kept his anger afloat. He had to discuss this with his lover. Perhaps his ex-lover by the morning.

"I've been watching you and Wufei lately Heero." Duo walked over to the bed and stood close to his irate lover. The prussian blue was the same, his body was the same, it was just something he could feel in his lover that was different. Duo sighed and looked down.

"Duo. I'm very sleepy. Can't we deal with this in the morning?" Heero rubbed his face and glanced at the clock.

"No-Heero. I-need you to tell me why?"

"Why what?" Heero asked a bit confused.

"Why did you take Wufei in? Why did you bring him here?" Duo asked miserably. He could feel a distant scream. Not from the room, but in his mind. Wufei. He brought the shrieks with him. Everything that had transpired was his fault. Duo looked up at his lover again, who seemed to be growing agitated.

"I told you already. I didn't trust that place." Heero stated through gritted teeth.

"What? You're just horny for something besides me aren't you?" Duo placed his hands on his hips. The anger in his voice was genuine. Heero rolled his eyes and ran a frustrated hand through his bangs.

"I cannot believe you said that!" Heero chuckled slightly while he glared at his jealous koi. "You know what kind of people they have working there Duo? Weird ass fucking people. The rapist kind. I didn't want to put Wufei through anymore of that shit. You of all people should agree."

"We haven't even made love since you got here Heero. All you do is spend your time with that little shit!" Duo shrieked. He crossed his arms and spun around. Fury was keeping him awake. Shirtless and very agitated, Duo growled aloud as Heero thought of a retort.

"Well?" Duo asked after a moment of silence. He turned around to see Heero in the same position. With that never changing glare of his.

"Why are you like this? Were you so good to me while I was away?" Heero questioned. The cobalt eyed boy slowly came to terms with the fact that he did not love Duo as much as he did when he first left earth. Duo groaned and gasped aloud at the internal hollering he could hear in his brain. All of the facts were being presented to him like a slide show. He could still taste the cigarette he shared with the whore he had spent the night with. But how could Heero use a meer hooker as a reason to leave him? She didn't mean anything.

"I told you I was sorry!" Duo shrieked.

"You emailed that you were sorry. And I can't accept it anyways. It wasn't the first time."

"Heero I-"

"It wasn't."

"You are just full of the shit you've been telling yourself. Fine, I *did* fuck around while you were gone on L3 *and* L4. But those were the only times!" Duo whimpered and clutched his head. Pain was becoming eminent and he held himself accountable for it. "I'm sorry!"

"Fine. I accept." Heero sighed and turned to lay back down. Duo frowned in confusion

and scratched his head.

"That's it?"

"Yup." Heero smiled and got comfortable. He patted the space next him, signaling Duo to join him. Duo shook his head and laid down. He was tired. They would have to talk more in the morning. Such a hole he had dug for himself. He turned to stare at his lover, who had quickly began to fall asleep.

"Heero?"

"hm?"

"Do you love me?"

"hn." Heero groaned and turned his back to Duo, who clenched his eyes closed and withered under that symbolic rejection. He in turn altered positions and faced the blank wall to his right.

*****

"...heero..."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Just shut up already! Why do you keep apologizing?!"

"Wufei. You need to understand how to let go of it all. Just surrender will you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Stop playing and surrender to the screams."

"Shut up."

*****

"He's gone?" Wufei eyed Heero from his solitary spot by an orchid. His eyes were placid, and his hands were still wrapped up. But he was tranquil for the moment. Heero stood about two meters from him, and nodded. Duo packed up and left after their final argument. If the Chinese boy wasn't present at the time, perhaps things would have worked out with the permisciuoty and all. Only time would heal Heero's regretful heart. He peered into the depths of that fresh water lake, wondering why he had never gone for a swim. It was winter now, and too late to be considering such things. Yet he still wondered.

"Why did you let him get away Heero?" Wufei asked almost sadly as he watched the lake. The perfect soldier looked at his shoes and sighed. The silence wasn't awkward. They both knew these silences were mutually treasured.

"Let's go inside Wufei." Heero held out his hand, guiding the unsteady Wufei from his spot on the tree's large root. He smiled as Wufei looked at that lake one last time before returning to the house.

It was so empty. Wufei frowned at the dinner Heero prepared. He really didn't care, yet he knew noone could cook like Duo. The boy wondered where he was at that moment. Probably staying at Hilde's or Sally's. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered too much. And it didn't mean anything either. He bit his lip, not wanting anything anymore. While Heero stood over the stove retrieving the unpromising spaghetti from the pot, Wufei crept into the parlor. His favorite room in the house.

He sat on the large window sill, allowing the drapes to hide him, in case Heero came around. The estate was so gorgeous, he wondered how Heero was going to keep living there, since Duo had left. Feeling like a hindrance, Wufei clenched his eyes shut and whimpered into the gauze coiling his fingers. Quite extraordiarily, he could sense that distant scream, or was it a laugh? It was a laugh. Wufei sighed and allowed his mind to carry itself along. No noises filled that huge room. It was his own heart, crying into the skies. Crying into space, feeling, reaching out for Trowa. Why did he have to leave? // I love you Trowa! \\

He could see himself, bruised and shamed in the glass he was looking out through. Those memories and Trowa. The joy. The brutality. And the juvenile abuse of those cursed substances. How those evil compounds ruined lives. Wufei hissed in anger at the thought of those needles, the screaming, the agonies of withdrawal. //He brought it on himself didn't he? He decided to visit Quatre on Passover. It is his fault.\\ Wufei sighed. //But you let him go. You did not let your jealousy stop him. You are weak. And you are an abomination to him now. He does not mingle with the hideous.\\ Wufei twisted his lips in amusement. How cynical he had grown. How weak. He could barely stand without having to think about it first. Every aching limb wanted gravity to keep it close.

*****

"I love you Wufei."

*****

"Heero?" Wufei padded in slowly. Heero's bedroom was so barren without Duo's things cluttering every corner. The indifferent young man, looked up from his laptop a bit curious as to why the healing boy was awake. The sedative should have done its magic for hours on end.

"What is it Wufei?" The brown haired boy rose and hastened to Wufei's side. The smaller boy sighed softly and looked up at Heero with half lidded eyes. Those eyes soon became full of that salty teary lagrimas. [1]

"You can make him stop right? You can keep him quiet and away forever?" Wufei moaned as he swayed with weariness.

"Wufei I don't under-"

"I don't want to hear him anymore Heero." Wufei fell foward, fortunately into Heero's ready arms. The taller boy cradled that tiny form and held him close with all the emotions he had been feeling. He sighed in relief. Wufei was asleep. The snow began to fall heavier, decorating the lake and the not so starry night. Heero laid Wufei on his own bed. He could keep an eye on him from his couch, where he decided he could sleep for the night.

"You don't have to hear him anymore Wufei."

*****

"..."

"Wufei?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"Stop it."

"You don't look at me. You don't feel me. I don't care. But you have to hear me. I won't scream. And I won't let *him* scream either. I love you Wufei. Please just let go. He's gone. I'm here for you! Surrender to them."

"To what?!"

"The screams Wufei! The screams. I love you. Wufei? I love you..."

"...."

<<Keys being pummeled>>

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OWARI!

Phew! I'm done! ::dusts hands:: Okies, muh faithfuls. How was it? Loved it? Hated it? I just need CC. Flamers are obsolete fanfic meanderers who need Relena in their mailbox! ::eyes the room carefully::

O well. I have sequels on the way if you ppl liked this one. If you didn't oh well, don't care. Its too cold to surf and I need something to do, so at least pretend you like it ok?

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NOTES:

[1] OK! I saw a spanish word used like that in a novel, "teary lagrimas" I just wanted to test it out. Probably one of the dumbest things I've put in my fics. ::shrugs:: Oh well. Ok Bye bye