Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Beautiful Dawn ❯ Chapter 31 ( Chapter 31 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Michalyn 
Post-coital bliss - or is it? Looks like Zechs and Heero still have a few things to work out.
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 04.24.2003 | Updated On: 04.29.2003 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.5K | Visits: 1.0K | Status: Work In Progress
Post-coital bliss - or is it? Looks like Zechs and Heero still have a few things to work out.
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 04.24.2003 | Updated On: 04.29.2003 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.5K | Visits: 1.0K | Status: Work In Progress
*pokes head in* Remember me? ^_^;;; No I'm not dead - just been terribly busy. I'm so sorry for the long wait. Thanks again to everyone who's read and enjoyed. Hope this one's to your liking as well!!
Standard disclaimers apply: I don't own Gundam Wing or its bishounen, nor am I making any monetary profit from this fic whatsoever.
Author: Michalyn (darling_162002@yahoo.com)
Pairings: 6x1, 13+5 ( possible 13x5 later), 3+4
General Warnings: AU ( the pilots are 18, Zechs and Treize are 23) yaoi, angst, sap, lemon
Archive: http://angelfire.com/gundam/asanctuary, http://sweetlysour.net, http://www.gundam-wing-universe.net/
Rating: NC 17
Warnings for this chapter: angst, 6x1 Lime; ANGST
Feedback: craved ^_^
Beautiful Dawn 31/35
Warm, pleasurable sensations slowly coaxed Zechs out of sleep. His skin tingled as a small hand tentatively stroked, caressed and explored his body, ghosting over his arms and chest and even trailing upwards to tangle in the long strands of his hair. Smiling, the aristocrat cracked one brilliant eye open.
"Morning Lover." His deep voice was husky.
Startled, Heero tensed and guiltily snatched his hand away. His cheeks were touched with color and the blue eyes looking down into Zechs' were distinctly wary. Uncertainly, the brunette stared at the older man. "Morning," he answered quietly.
A wave of tenderness swept through Milliardo. Was the brunette completely dense? He wondered. How could Heero still doubt how much he wanted-no * needed* - him after last night when just the memory was enough to touch Zechs' own veins with fire? Gods that had been… There were no words to express it. In all his years Milliardo had never known lovemaking to be so * intense *. The blonde's smile broadened. Heero suited him perfectly. The way he responded to his touch - even the way the brunette's body molded to his when they simply held each other - it was if Heero was made for him and him only. And to wake up like this, with Heero right next to him- Zechs' expression sobered-And not to a cold, empty bed-It was truly heaven. Emotion swelled within him and eagerly, Milliardo pulled his small lover into his arms. For once, everything seemed *right*.
Playfully he kissed Heero on the nose. Zechs nuzzled the silky skin of the brunette's neck. "I was rather enjoying that," he purred softly. "Why did you stop?" Azure eyes twinkled with merriment. When his beauty didn't answer, Zechs frowned. He shifted them about until Heero was pinned beneath him and he could look into the younger man's eyes. "Hmm?"
Heero hesitated. He looked slightly away. "I wasn't sure if…" gruffly, the beauty trailed off, not wanting to reveal his insecurity. Despite the larger man's eager response to him, next to Zechs Heero still felt inexperienced and awkward. Most of the time he wondered what the blonde even saw in him…
It was all so unexpected: First his meeting Zechs, then their breakup…and now their reunion. Everything happened so overwhelmingly fast. Heero hadn't intended for things to progress as they had. He'd been sure that he could resist the blonde - sure that guilt and loyalty would win out over emotion. But it had taken only a few days of separation and that one, tantalizing moment of nearness with Milliardo in the garden to crumble his resolve. A much larger part of him than the brunette was willing to admit to, was ashamed that he'd given in so quickly. The voice was always the same - softer now and somewhat weakened by newer, brighter bonds- but there all the same. * His* voice telling him that he should have been stronger.
Pain threatened to overcome the brunette at the thought. He'd * tried *, Heero insisted to his internal accuser. Really he had-But last night, seeing Zechs brought so low-It was too much for him to overcome. They'd both been swept over by the tide of emotion. And here they were - once more in each other's arms. For the better - or worse? Heero wondered.
The aristocrat watched as Heero struggled within himself. Despite everything that had happened it was clear that the dark beauty still was not convinced of his love. Zechs studied his lover's serious face. Or maybe it was himself Heero didn't believe in?
Seeing the younger man's tight expression and his troubled blue eyes, the older man's suspicions were confirmed.
"Silly." Milliardo kissed Heero soundly. Gently he caressed that solemn face. "How could you still not be sure after last night?" Azure eyes darkened. "Gods, Heero," the blonde rasped heatedly. " How could you even doubt?" He hugged the small figure tightly. "You burn me alive."
This time when their mouths met, Heero's tongue mated eagerly with his lover's, telling of shared heat, new understanding - and just the faintest hint of desperation. Zechs moaned at the delightful response, even as he moved to haul Heero ever closer into his embrace.
Hungrily he devoured Heero's soft, sweet mouth, thirsting for more of his beauty's taste like a man long-deprived of essential, life-giving nutrient. And Zechs had been. The brunette was the very heart in his body and those endless, tormented nights without Heero had almost broken him. And now that Heero was once more in his arms, Zechs vowed that nothing short of death would separate him from his love again.
When the brunette shivered in helpless surrender, it took all Zechs' control to not slide down that delectable body and make love to Heero again. Reluctantly, the aristocrat allowed himself one last, lingering nibble at a pouting bottom lip before pulling away.
Of course it did not help his resolve in the least that Heero immediately protested, dark head tilting demandingly up towards him - seeking his caress like a flower yearning towards sunlight. The younger man's skin was flushed deliciously and his breathing, sweetly labored. Zechs groaned even as he rocked slowly against the cradle of Heero's hips, feeling the younger man's hardness press demandingly against his own.
Fire flared - hot and primal - and helpless breath gusted past Heero's lips. The dark beauty clutched at Zechs' shoulders, his fingers biting into muscular flesh. Sooty lashes fluttered. "Zechs-" he groaned. "Mil, I want--" the husky tenor broke on another soft, moan.
The older man growled. "Sweetheart, I don't think we should."
Heero made a frustrated sound. He tried to tug his lover back down again but Zechs was not to be dissuaded. The brunette glared ominously. "Why?"
Milliardo raised a tawny eyebrow at the petulant expression on the other man's face - so different from his usual stoicism. The aristocrat chuckled. "No matter how wonderful you were last night--" Zechs' eyes blazed. Quick hands caressed Heero's hips. "And gods you were * wonderful*. -Both times." Hotly, his eyes roamed the body beneath his, admiring the tawny skin and smooth muscular curves-- They'd woken up in the middle of the night and the lovemaking that had ensued was fast and furious - burning out of control before either of them even knew what was happening. Milliardo's voice softened as he stroked Heero's hair. "You're still new to this and we didn't prepare enough the second time--" With gentle insistence, the blonde nudged Heero's face back towards him. "Don't be embarrassed." Soft kisses were brushed over trembling eyelids. "We just should have been more careful." Zechs caressed Heero's shoulders. "Are you sore?"
Heero made an exasperated sound. He'd risked everything giving in to Zechs…and the brunette still wasn't sure if he'd made the right decision. But last night had shown him one thing: That he couldn't live without the blonde. And trying to do so only seemed to bring more pain to his already troubled life.
Lying there with the sunlight on his face and in the strong circle of Milliardo's arms, Heero didn't want to think. There would be plenty of time for that later when inevitable - painful - reality came crashing in. And Heero was sure that it would. The "how" of it he didn't know yet, but the conviction that it *would *was a painful throb in his chest.
It just wasn't possible for him to be happy, he reasoned. Something was bound to take away this newfound peace-- He trembled. And maybe love -he'd found with Zechs. So he had to hope -hope that things would work out for the best…
Hope that he would not destroy Zechs as he'd destroyed everyone else in his life.
So before it was all taken away-- In this tiny, sun-dappled sanctuary he wanted to be impulsive - to give in to desires long denied. Because he might never again know the wonder of being cared for. Never again know what it was like to be loved.
And the first thing Heero wanted was to make love with his mate again. To make sure that this was real and not some torturous dream he would awaken from and find himself alone.
But large hands were already tugging the sheets away and baring Heero's slim form. Making a sound of appreciation, Zechs slid down Heero's body. Unable to resist, he paused to pluck tiny nipples to aching stiffness - wringing a few desperate cries from the brunette - before reaching his goal. Strong hands hooked behind Heero's knees, and to the younger man's mortification, Zechs spread his thighs wide and proceeded to examine him.
"Zechs--" he protested. He jerked, trying to escape the loving scrutiny.
"Shh, relax sweet, " Tenderly the large blonde kissed the silky insides of lean thighs. " Let me," he purred soothingly. "I just need to make sure you're not hurt."
Heero gritted his teeth. "I'm fine."
"Hmm," Zechs murmured absently, ignoring the curt reply. From what he could tell there was no bruising - thank god. But the older man kept his eyes trained on Heero's face, searching for even the tiniest wince of discomfort as he circled the delicate opening, and then probed shallowly. He heard Heero's sudden exhalation and looking up Zechs found the brunette's eyes scrunched tightly as if in pain.
Immediately, Zechs' hand stilled. Damn it! He should never have allowed himself to lose control like that. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Heero - in any way. And to think he had done so during an act of love made him even angrier with himself for being so careless.
"Heero," Anxiously, Milliardo searched his lover's features. " Am I hurting you?"
Heero shivered. Small fists were clenched in the sheets and the brunette seemed unable to speak
The older man cursed himself a thousand times over. "Love?"
Shakily, Heero found his voice. "Not-not-hurting," he groaned brokenly. The slender back arched and the brunette's hips rolled sensuously, as Heero tried to impale himself more fully on that teasing digit.
Surprised, Zechs stared wide-eyed at the petite youth for a moment. Then he smiled devilishly. Withdrawing, the blonde reached for the nearby tube of lubricant and squeezed a generous dollop of the cool stuff onto his fingers.
And proceeded to torture his lover in a most delicious, intimate manner.
Zechs grinned. There was more than one way to skin a cat after all (A most infuriating, thick-skulled cat at that, the aristocrat amended, frowning.) And even if he wasn't about to make love to Heero so soon after their last bout of activity, there was no reason he couldn't give the impatient beauty what he needed, Milliardo reasoned.
And hearing Heero's broken gasps, moans and other assorted pleas-- Feeling the clench of silky inner muscles even as hot pulses bathed his other palm, the blonde decided that he had succeeded quite admirably in his goal. Deliberately Zechs smiled as he repeated a teasing stroke. He could definitely get used to mornings like this.
~~~
Splashing his face with cold water, and looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, Duo thought he was looking pretty damned good, considering the sleepless night he'd just spent. All night he'd thought about Zechs and Heero - and his own loss.
He'd seen the determination in Zechs' eyes - and he'd woken up this morning with the certainty that he'd played his last card - and Love had called his bluff. No one had to confirm it to him. It was over. Nothing could stand in the way of something so powerful. It hurt to know that he wasn't * the one * for Zechs. Hurt even more to know that there would be no other for him. A tremor shook him. C'est la vie no? Duo thought sardonically.
More and more he realized his error in coming. He had expected some awkwardness from his friends - maybe even a generous dose of animosity. But what he'd found was worse: No one hated him or blamed him --- Wufei, Treize, Quatre, Trowa and Zechs--Duo shook his head. Zechs--Wistfully he smiled. No, they had greeted him with something even crueler:
They had moved on with their lives.
Three, neat pairs - and he was the odd man out. Only two more days before they all went their separate ways and he didn't have a damned thing to show for it. Certainly not the love he had been hoping for, the singer thought with a snort. Softly, Duo began humming to himself as he stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower. He let the water run cold, for it only mirrored his life. Shakingly the brunette leaned forward, flattening his palms against the misty tiles and savoring the pinpoint pricks of pain hammering against his scalp. Slowly he sank to his knees.
What the hell was he supposed to do now?
~~~
Heero lay sprawled over Zechs' chest, with the older man's hands idly roaming his skin. Milliardo sighed, savoring the feel of the boneless body pressed lovingly against his. There was something comforting and infinitely sobering in the brunette's utter surrender and Zechs shuddered to think he had nearly lost something so precious.
They lay in silence for long moments, Zechs mulling over their relationship and Heero, pleasure-drowsed and limp against him, drifting in and out of sleep. The blonde nuzzled the dark, silky head. Heero was completely relaxed against him, his small palm curled between their bodies and resting right over Zechs' heart. What his lover's thoughts were, the blonde couldn't tell, but he prayed they were of love and hope. -Of peace and comfort - and not fear or uncertainty.
But first, old wounds had to be healed and the bonds of faith restored. Gently, Milliardo nudged Heero...
"Heero…"
"Mmph?" The brunette's voice was muffled against the older man's neck.
"About the hospital…" Zechs searched for the right words. Strong hands ghosted down Heero's back as the blonde's eyes narrowed in concentration. "I was a damned fool." Zechs shook his head. "I never meant to hurt you, Love," he said fiercely. "And I was wrong for deceiving you," the blonde admitted quietly "I thought--" Zechs trailed off. He shook his head. It was futile to try to explain something that could never be justified. Azure eyes flashed with new determination as the older man squelched all excuses. "It was wrong," Milliardo confessed simply. " I should never have kept something so important from you." The arms around Heero tightened imperceptibly. "And to think I almost lost you because of it-" Zechs sighed. He kissed Heero with a desperate passion. "Will you ever forgive me?"
Heero's look was solemn. Quietly he nodded.
Elated, the older man grinned and he couldn't help capturing the younger man's lips again. "Gods, I'm going to love you forever," he breathed.
Suddenly very much awake, Heero tensed. Shaking his head, the brunette tried to sit up. "Don't," the soft voice was almost strained while blue eyes flashed with a fleeting, panicked emotion.
Zechs frowned. The brunette's behavior puzzled the aristocrat. What had they to lose now - except pain and loneliness? Milliardo wondered confusedly. They had just spent a glorious night in each other's arms and already Zechs foresaw many, many, more in their future. He was on the verge of asking his lover to move in with him -- And maybe making an even more permanent request. There wasn't just room for Heero in his heart: The older man wanted the dark beauty to share every moment with him. --To make him smile, to share in his joys - and in to hold him in those darker hours and chase away the demons of the past. There was nothing he didn't want to experience with the Asian…Yet Heero seemed reluctant-Zechs searched the younger man's troubled face. -Even afraid…
Zechs sat up, pulling Heero with him. Tawny brows lowered in consternation. " Heero, what's wrong?"
Heero frowned. His lips parted.
"-And don't even bother trying to tell me it's nothing."
If possible, the brunette's expression grew even more troubled and for a moment it seemed as if he would turn away. But all at once the fight deflated from the younger man. The thin shoulders drooped and wearily, Heero sighed.
The brunette ran a tired hand over his eyes. "Just-don't make any promises."
Now he was really starting to get worried. Zechs shifted about until was facing Heero. "Explain," the muscular blonde growled. Zechs' look was intense as he softly confessed: "Because there are one or two really important promises that I was hoping we could put to use in the near future-- And I have to tell you right now that you're worrying the hell out of me Heero."
The younger man scowled and Zechs watched as Heero suddenly became infinitely interested in the comforter's pattern. He fussed over the sheets and nimble fingers picked away at lint only the brunette could see. Milliardo was not fooled, and when Heero moved to wrap the cool cotton about his hips, the blonde made an exasperated sound and snatched them away.
"Damn it, Heero, talk to me. What's this all about?"
Heero remained quiet, jaw clenching spasmodically.
But it was his eyes - filled with such searing sorrow - that shocked the older man.
Roughly, Zechs tugged his somber beauty onto his lap and drew his arms tight around the impossibly tense form. Tenderly, he kissed the top of Heero's dark head. "It's alright," he murmured soothingly. "I'm here. Won't you tell me what's bothering you?" Zechs coaxed, though he thought he was beginning to suspect just what this might be about.
"…"
Zechs sighed. "Heero, I'm not your mother," he said slowly. "Or J," he added carefully.
Heero balked. "What?" The brunette demanded, bristling. Heero frowned darkly, but his hands were trembling faintly as he tried to push Zechs away. "I don't know what-"
"Yes you do," Zechs interrupted firmly. He held tight to Heero's palm making sure that the stubborn youth could not escape. "You know precisely what I'm talking about." Azure eyes softened. "Heero-" Zechs sighed softly. He pressed the small palm close to his heart. "This is what last night was about-sharing-not running or hiding." Heero bowed his head, turning his face desperately away, but the older man gently and insistently dragged it back towards him. Milliardo looked deep into Heero's eyes. "I think you're tired of running, too Heero." He said quietly. "That's why you came to me."
"Am I wrong?"
Heero stared - blindly - fiercely ahead, his jaw clenching and eyes blinking rapidly as he fought the desperate moisture clamoring to spill free.
"You brought me away from the edge-" Zechs shook his head. "No, more than that," he murmured fiercely. "You helped me live again". The blonde pressed their bodies close, feeling how their bodies molded to each other - how their hearts beat in tandem. "Let me do the same for you, Heero" he whispered.
The words only brought Heero more turmoil. He wanted to believe that they had a chance at happiness, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to go, terribly horribly wrong. The surety was like black wings beating around him, smothering him in their shade. It was inevitable. He *knew* it. There was only one other time in his life Heero had felt this way - and it had left him with nothing but a lifetime of guilt and his mother's blood on his hands. The brunette's fingers clenched painfully. His hands were still bathed in it.
Oh gods, he could still feel the stain. He couldn't take one more.
Zechs kissed the silently falling tears from Heero's cheeks even as the brunette fought against him - and himself. Heero bucked wildly but Zechs simply rolled over, gently, but securely pinning him with his greater weight. Heero snarled, eyes bright with panic as he struggled with the truth of his own fears. And Zechs rode out the storm, absorbing the violent, frightened movements until the brunette surrendered, body heaving one last, desperate time as a hoarse cry erupted from his throat.
Then Zechs was holding him, kissing him gently, stroking his hair - murmuring words of comfort - confident in the power of their love. --Confident that some beautiful, marvelous dawn was just within their reach.
And Heero clutched at his lover - his only anchor from the fear pulling at him from all sides. Sorrowfully, he burrowed further into Milliardo's arms - and waited for the darkness.
Standard disclaimers apply: I don't own Gundam Wing or its bishounen, nor am I making any monetary profit from this fic whatsoever.
Author: Michalyn (darling_162002@yahoo.com)
Pairings: 6x1, 13+5 ( possible 13x5 later), 3+4
General Warnings: AU ( the pilots are 18, Zechs and Treize are 23) yaoi, angst, sap, lemon
Archive: http://angelfire.com/gundam/asanctuary, http://sweetlysour.net, http://www.gundam-wing-universe.net/
Rating: NC 17
Warnings for this chapter: angst, 6x1 Lime; ANGST
Feedback: craved ^_^
Beautiful Dawn 31/35
Warm, pleasurable sensations slowly coaxed Zechs out of sleep. His skin tingled as a small hand tentatively stroked, caressed and explored his body, ghosting over his arms and chest and even trailing upwards to tangle in the long strands of his hair. Smiling, the aristocrat cracked one brilliant eye open.
"Morning Lover." His deep voice was husky.
Startled, Heero tensed and guiltily snatched his hand away. His cheeks were touched with color and the blue eyes looking down into Zechs' were distinctly wary. Uncertainly, the brunette stared at the older man. "Morning," he answered quietly.
A wave of tenderness swept through Milliardo. Was the brunette completely dense? He wondered. How could Heero still doubt how much he wanted-no * needed* - him after last night when just the memory was enough to touch Zechs' own veins with fire? Gods that had been… There were no words to express it. In all his years Milliardo had never known lovemaking to be so * intense *. The blonde's smile broadened. Heero suited him perfectly. The way he responded to his touch - even the way the brunette's body molded to his when they simply held each other - it was if Heero was made for him and him only. And to wake up like this, with Heero right next to him- Zechs' expression sobered-And not to a cold, empty bed-It was truly heaven. Emotion swelled within him and eagerly, Milliardo pulled his small lover into his arms. For once, everything seemed *right*.
Playfully he kissed Heero on the nose. Zechs nuzzled the silky skin of the brunette's neck. "I was rather enjoying that," he purred softly. "Why did you stop?" Azure eyes twinkled with merriment. When his beauty didn't answer, Zechs frowned. He shifted them about until Heero was pinned beneath him and he could look into the younger man's eyes. "Hmm?"
Heero hesitated. He looked slightly away. "I wasn't sure if…" gruffly, the beauty trailed off, not wanting to reveal his insecurity. Despite the larger man's eager response to him, next to Zechs Heero still felt inexperienced and awkward. Most of the time he wondered what the blonde even saw in him…
It was all so unexpected: First his meeting Zechs, then their breakup…and now their reunion. Everything happened so overwhelmingly fast. Heero hadn't intended for things to progress as they had. He'd been sure that he could resist the blonde - sure that guilt and loyalty would win out over emotion. But it had taken only a few days of separation and that one, tantalizing moment of nearness with Milliardo in the garden to crumble his resolve. A much larger part of him than the brunette was willing to admit to, was ashamed that he'd given in so quickly. The voice was always the same - softer now and somewhat weakened by newer, brighter bonds- but there all the same. * His* voice telling him that he should have been stronger.
Pain threatened to overcome the brunette at the thought. He'd * tried *, Heero insisted to his internal accuser. Really he had-But last night, seeing Zechs brought so low-It was too much for him to overcome. They'd both been swept over by the tide of emotion. And here they were - once more in each other's arms. For the better - or worse? Heero wondered.
The aristocrat watched as Heero struggled within himself. Despite everything that had happened it was clear that the dark beauty still was not convinced of his love. Zechs studied his lover's serious face. Or maybe it was himself Heero didn't believe in?
Seeing the younger man's tight expression and his troubled blue eyes, the older man's suspicions were confirmed.
"Silly." Milliardo kissed Heero soundly. Gently he caressed that solemn face. "How could you still not be sure after last night?" Azure eyes darkened. "Gods, Heero," the blonde rasped heatedly. " How could you even doubt?" He hugged the small figure tightly. "You burn me alive."
This time when their mouths met, Heero's tongue mated eagerly with his lover's, telling of shared heat, new understanding - and just the faintest hint of desperation. Zechs moaned at the delightful response, even as he moved to haul Heero ever closer into his embrace.
Hungrily he devoured Heero's soft, sweet mouth, thirsting for more of his beauty's taste like a man long-deprived of essential, life-giving nutrient. And Zechs had been. The brunette was the very heart in his body and those endless, tormented nights without Heero had almost broken him. And now that Heero was once more in his arms, Zechs vowed that nothing short of death would separate him from his love again.
When the brunette shivered in helpless surrender, it took all Zechs' control to not slide down that delectable body and make love to Heero again. Reluctantly, the aristocrat allowed himself one last, lingering nibble at a pouting bottom lip before pulling away.
Of course it did not help his resolve in the least that Heero immediately protested, dark head tilting demandingly up towards him - seeking his caress like a flower yearning towards sunlight. The younger man's skin was flushed deliciously and his breathing, sweetly labored. Zechs groaned even as he rocked slowly against the cradle of Heero's hips, feeling the younger man's hardness press demandingly against his own.
Fire flared - hot and primal - and helpless breath gusted past Heero's lips. The dark beauty clutched at Zechs' shoulders, his fingers biting into muscular flesh. Sooty lashes fluttered. "Zechs-" he groaned. "Mil, I want--" the husky tenor broke on another soft, moan.
The older man growled. "Sweetheart, I don't think we should."
Heero made a frustrated sound. He tried to tug his lover back down again but Zechs was not to be dissuaded. The brunette glared ominously. "Why?"
Milliardo raised a tawny eyebrow at the petulant expression on the other man's face - so different from his usual stoicism. The aristocrat chuckled. "No matter how wonderful you were last night--" Zechs' eyes blazed. Quick hands caressed Heero's hips. "And gods you were * wonderful*. -Both times." Hotly, his eyes roamed the body beneath his, admiring the tawny skin and smooth muscular curves-- They'd woken up in the middle of the night and the lovemaking that had ensued was fast and furious - burning out of control before either of them even knew what was happening. Milliardo's voice softened as he stroked Heero's hair. "You're still new to this and we didn't prepare enough the second time--" With gentle insistence, the blonde nudged Heero's face back towards him. "Don't be embarrassed." Soft kisses were brushed over trembling eyelids. "We just should have been more careful." Zechs caressed Heero's shoulders. "Are you sore?"
Heero made an exasperated sound. He'd risked everything giving in to Zechs…and the brunette still wasn't sure if he'd made the right decision. But last night had shown him one thing: That he couldn't live without the blonde. And trying to do so only seemed to bring more pain to his already troubled life.
Lying there with the sunlight on his face and in the strong circle of Milliardo's arms, Heero didn't want to think. There would be plenty of time for that later when inevitable - painful - reality came crashing in. And Heero was sure that it would. The "how" of it he didn't know yet, but the conviction that it *would *was a painful throb in his chest.
It just wasn't possible for him to be happy, he reasoned. Something was bound to take away this newfound peace-- He trembled. And maybe love -he'd found with Zechs. So he had to hope -hope that things would work out for the best…
Hope that he would not destroy Zechs as he'd destroyed everyone else in his life.
So before it was all taken away-- In this tiny, sun-dappled sanctuary he wanted to be impulsive - to give in to desires long denied. Because he might never again know the wonder of being cared for. Never again know what it was like to be loved.
And the first thing Heero wanted was to make love with his mate again. To make sure that this was real and not some torturous dream he would awaken from and find himself alone.
But large hands were already tugging the sheets away and baring Heero's slim form. Making a sound of appreciation, Zechs slid down Heero's body. Unable to resist, he paused to pluck tiny nipples to aching stiffness - wringing a few desperate cries from the brunette - before reaching his goal. Strong hands hooked behind Heero's knees, and to the younger man's mortification, Zechs spread his thighs wide and proceeded to examine him.
"Zechs--" he protested. He jerked, trying to escape the loving scrutiny.
"Shh, relax sweet, " Tenderly the large blonde kissed the silky insides of lean thighs. " Let me," he purred soothingly. "I just need to make sure you're not hurt."
Heero gritted his teeth. "I'm fine."
"Hmm," Zechs murmured absently, ignoring the curt reply. From what he could tell there was no bruising - thank god. But the older man kept his eyes trained on Heero's face, searching for even the tiniest wince of discomfort as he circled the delicate opening, and then probed shallowly. He heard Heero's sudden exhalation and looking up Zechs found the brunette's eyes scrunched tightly as if in pain.
Immediately, Zechs' hand stilled. Damn it! He should never have allowed himself to lose control like that. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Heero - in any way. And to think he had done so during an act of love made him even angrier with himself for being so careless.
"Heero," Anxiously, Milliardo searched his lover's features. " Am I hurting you?"
Heero shivered. Small fists were clenched in the sheets and the brunette seemed unable to speak
The older man cursed himself a thousand times over. "Love?"
Shakily, Heero found his voice. "Not-not-hurting," he groaned brokenly. The slender back arched and the brunette's hips rolled sensuously, as Heero tried to impale himself more fully on that teasing digit.
Surprised, Zechs stared wide-eyed at the petite youth for a moment. Then he smiled devilishly. Withdrawing, the blonde reached for the nearby tube of lubricant and squeezed a generous dollop of the cool stuff onto his fingers.
And proceeded to torture his lover in a most delicious, intimate manner.
Zechs grinned. There was more than one way to skin a cat after all (A most infuriating, thick-skulled cat at that, the aristocrat amended, frowning.) And even if he wasn't about to make love to Heero so soon after their last bout of activity, there was no reason he couldn't give the impatient beauty what he needed, Milliardo reasoned.
And hearing Heero's broken gasps, moans and other assorted pleas-- Feeling the clench of silky inner muscles even as hot pulses bathed his other palm, the blonde decided that he had succeeded quite admirably in his goal. Deliberately Zechs smiled as he repeated a teasing stroke. He could definitely get used to mornings like this.
~~~
Splashing his face with cold water, and looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, Duo thought he was looking pretty damned good, considering the sleepless night he'd just spent. All night he'd thought about Zechs and Heero - and his own loss.
He'd seen the determination in Zechs' eyes - and he'd woken up this morning with the certainty that he'd played his last card - and Love had called his bluff. No one had to confirm it to him. It was over. Nothing could stand in the way of something so powerful. It hurt to know that he wasn't * the one * for Zechs. Hurt even more to know that there would be no other for him. A tremor shook him. C'est la vie no? Duo thought sardonically.
More and more he realized his error in coming. He had expected some awkwardness from his friends - maybe even a generous dose of animosity. But what he'd found was worse: No one hated him or blamed him --- Wufei, Treize, Quatre, Trowa and Zechs--Duo shook his head. Zechs--Wistfully he smiled. No, they had greeted him with something even crueler:
They had moved on with their lives.
Three, neat pairs - and he was the odd man out. Only two more days before they all went their separate ways and he didn't have a damned thing to show for it. Certainly not the love he had been hoping for, the singer thought with a snort. Softly, Duo began humming to himself as he stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower. He let the water run cold, for it only mirrored his life. Shakingly the brunette leaned forward, flattening his palms against the misty tiles and savoring the pinpoint pricks of pain hammering against his scalp. Slowly he sank to his knees.
What the hell was he supposed to do now?
~~~
Heero lay sprawled over Zechs' chest, with the older man's hands idly roaming his skin. Milliardo sighed, savoring the feel of the boneless body pressed lovingly against his. There was something comforting and infinitely sobering in the brunette's utter surrender and Zechs shuddered to think he had nearly lost something so precious.
They lay in silence for long moments, Zechs mulling over their relationship and Heero, pleasure-drowsed and limp against him, drifting in and out of sleep. The blonde nuzzled the dark, silky head. Heero was completely relaxed against him, his small palm curled between their bodies and resting right over Zechs' heart. What his lover's thoughts were, the blonde couldn't tell, but he prayed they were of love and hope. -Of peace and comfort - and not fear or uncertainty.
But first, old wounds had to be healed and the bonds of faith restored. Gently, Milliardo nudged Heero...
"Heero…"
"Mmph?" The brunette's voice was muffled against the older man's neck.
"About the hospital…" Zechs searched for the right words. Strong hands ghosted down Heero's back as the blonde's eyes narrowed in concentration. "I was a damned fool." Zechs shook his head. "I never meant to hurt you, Love," he said fiercely. "And I was wrong for deceiving you," the blonde admitted quietly "I thought--" Zechs trailed off. He shook his head. It was futile to try to explain something that could never be justified. Azure eyes flashed with new determination as the older man squelched all excuses. "It was wrong," Milliardo confessed simply. " I should never have kept something so important from you." The arms around Heero tightened imperceptibly. "And to think I almost lost you because of it-" Zechs sighed. He kissed Heero with a desperate passion. "Will you ever forgive me?"
Heero's look was solemn. Quietly he nodded.
Elated, the older man grinned and he couldn't help capturing the younger man's lips again. "Gods, I'm going to love you forever," he breathed.
Suddenly very much awake, Heero tensed. Shaking his head, the brunette tried to sit up. "Don't," the soft voice was almost strained while blue eyes flashed with a fleeting, panicked emotion.
Zechs frowned. The brunette's behavior puzzled the aristocrat. What had they to lose now - except pain and loneliness? Milliardo wondered confusedly. They had just spent a glorious night in each other's arms and already Zechs foresaw many, many, more in their future. He was on the verge of asking his lover to move in with him -- And maybe making an even more permanent request. There wasn't just room for Heero in his heart: The older man wanted the dark beauty to share every moment with him. --To make him smile, to share in his joys - and in to hold him in those darker hours and chase away the demons of the past. There was nothing he didn't want to experience with the Asian…Yet Heero seemed reluctant-Zechs searched the younger man's troubled face. -Even afraid…
Zechs sat up, pulling Heero with him. Tawny brows lowered in consternation. " Heero, what's wrong?"
Heero frowned. His lips parted.
"-And don't even bother trying to tell me it's nothing."
If possible, the brunette's expression grew even more troubled and for a moment it seemed as if he would turn away. But all at once the fight deflated from the younger man. The thin shoulders drooped and wearily, Heero sighed.
The brunette ran a tired hand over his eyes. "Just-don't make any promises."
Now he was really starting to get worried. Zechs shifted about until was facing Heero. "Explain," the muscular blonde growled. Zechs' look was intense as he softly confessed: "Because there are one or two really important promises that I was hoping we could put to use in the near future-- And I have to tell you right now that you're worrying the hell out of me Heero."
The younger man scowled and Zechs watched as Heero suddenly became infinitely interested in the comforter's pattern. He fussed over the sheets and nimble fingers picked away at lint only the brunette could see. Milliardo was not fooled, and when Heero moved to wrap the cool cotton about his hips, the blonde made an exasperated sound and snatched them away.
"Damn it, Heero, talk to me. What's this all about?"
Heero remained quiet, jaw clenching spasmodically.
But it was his eyes - filled with such searing sorrow - that shocked the older man.
Roughly, Zechs tugged his somber beauty onto his lap and drew his arms tight around the impossibly tense form. Tenderly, he kissed the top of Heero's dark head. "It's alright," he murmured soothingly. "I'm here. Won't you tell me what's bothering you?" Zechs coaxed, though he thought he was beginning to suspect just what this might be about.
"…"
Zechs sighed. "Heero, I'm not your mother," he said slowly. "Or J," he added carefully.
Heero balked. "What?" The brunette demanded, bristling. Heero frowned darkly, but his hands were trembling faintly as he tried to push Zechs away. "I don't know what-"
"Yes you do," Zechs interrupted firmly. He held tight to Heero's palm making sure that the stubborn youth could not escape. "You know precisely what I'm talking about." Azure eyes softened. "Heero-" Zechs sighed softly. He pressed the small palm close to his heart. "This is what last night was about-sharing-not running or hiding." Heero bowed his head, turning his face desperately away, but the older man gently and insistently dragged it back towards him. Milliardo looked deep into Heero's eyes. "I think you're tired of running, too Heero." He said quietly. "That's why you came to me."
"Am I wrong?"
Heero stared - blindly - fiercely ahead, his jaw clenching and eyes blinking rapidly as he fought the desperate moisture clamoring to spill free.
"You brought me away from the edge-" Zechs shook his head. "No, more than that," he murmured fiercely. "You helped me live again". The blonde pressed their bodies close, feeling how their bodies molded to each other - how their hearts beat in tandem. "Let me do the same for you, Heero" he whispered.
The words only brought Heero more turmoil. He wanted to believe that they had a chance at happiness, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to go, terribly horribly wrong. The surety was like black wings beating around him, smothering him in their shade. It was inevitable. He *knew* it. There was only one other time in his life Heero had felt this way - and it had left him with nothing but a lifetime of guilt and his mother's blood on his hands. The brunette's fingers clenched painfully. His hands were still bathed in it.
Oh gods, he could still feel the stain. He couldn't take one more.
Zechs kissed the silently falling tears from Heero's cheeks even as the brunette fought against him - and himself. Heero bucked wildly but Zechs simply rolled over, gently, but securely pinning him with his greater weight. Heero snarled, eyes bright with panic as he struggled with the truth of his own fears. And Zechs rode out the storm, absorbing the violent, frightened movements until the brunette surrendered, body heaving one last, desperate time as a hoarse cry erupted from his throat.
Then Zechs was holding him, kissing him gently, stroking his hair - murmuring words of comfort - confident in the power of their love. --Confident that some beautiful, marvelous dawn was just within their reach.
And Heero clutched at his lover - his only anchor from the fear pulling at him from all sides. Sorrowfully, he burrowed further into Milliardo's arms - and waited for the darkness.