Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Behind Blue Eyes ❯ Chapter 3

BEHIND BLUE EYES

PART THREE

* * *

Only two weeks later Heero was already drowning in work. He was accepted to the university and thus he had a lot of catching up to do. He was down to working only twice a week, two shifts in a row. He had so much studying to do that he barely slept. It didn't bother him much, he was used to hard work and few hours of sleep. It was actually quite stimulating to be back to a packed and tight schedule.

He had deliberately chosen courses of subjects he knew little about. He decided to leave the field of Natural Sciences and explore the field of Humanities and Social Sciences. He had enough of accurate sciences for a lifetime. He was majoring in psychology, with a side course of philosophy and basic literature. He wished to explore the more spiritual side of man. He believed that perhaps it would help him gain a new perspective on life, beginning from his own as well as mankind in general. He was hoping to find a different meaning to life than a constant struggle and fighting.

Most of his studying he did at Nora's place or at the local library. His own apartment did not inspire him to open his mind and learn. On one weekend he took a break from his books and decided to clean Nora's apartment. Nora was out on some arrangements - for some reason she had INSISTED on going alone - so he thought to use the time to clean her place. He was practically living there, so it was the least he could do.

He was just dusting the shelves in the living room when something suddenly occurred to him. There he was, standing in front of a large bookcase, packed with many thick books, at a blind woman's apartment!

Why would Nora have so many books if she was blind?!

He put the duster aside and turned to examine the books more closely. They were very dusty, suggesting that they haven't been touched in a very long while. He pulled out some books to read the titles, frowning as he read them over:

"Diplomacy and Politics". "Talking to the people". "Social skills in the diplomatic world". "The cause of the ambassador". "Diplomatic history of Earth and Space". "Connecting the Colonies with the Earth". "World Diplomat"...

The list went on and on. There were many books dealing with both diplomacy and politics. He was surprised to find out that most of the books dealt with Space rather than the Earth. He was even MORE surprised to find a shabby old book written by the original, deceased, Heero Yuy. It was a fairly thick book dealing with the history of war and tension between Earth and the Colonies. He pulled that book out and leafed through it for a while. He recalled reading it sometime, long ago, and probably as a part of his training. Dr. J was an extreme patriot and he had him reading such books at a very young age.

Stunned, Heero put the book back in place and took a shaky step back. He was eyeing the bookshelf with wide and confused eyes. What did all of this had to do with Nora? He never knew she was so deeply into Colony Politics. Heck, he never even knew that she was from the Colonies! The thought never occurred to him. Besides, why should she keep such a thing secret? What was she afraid to tell him?

He was about to reach for another book, when the door slowly opened. He hurried to withdraw his hand and quickly turned around. He turned just in time to see Nora struggle to enter the apartment while carrying three heavy paper bags. She was hidden behind the tall bags, the crown of a lettuce and a baguette hiding her face.

That stubborn woman, he mused and strode hastily to the door. He took two heavy bags full of groceries from her hands, easing her load.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going shopping?" He asked, frowning, as they both made their way to the kitchen. "I could have helped."

Nora was silent for a few moments, tiredly placing the brown bag on the kitchen table. She turned to him with a weary gaze, looking beat. Sighing, she said: "Heero, I can't depend on you all the time. I'm a grown woman, I can handle myself."

Taken aback by her words, Heero bit his lower lip and remained silent. He began taking out the different groceries out of the paper bag. He didn't know if it was her words that bothered him, or the tone she used. She sounded so... depressed. Hopeless. Something was wrong. Her voice was too tired, and her words were unusually bitter. He thought she overcame her bitterness, just like he did. The thought of being wrong about it sent chills down his spine. He didn't wish to be ignorant to her feelings. He wanted to be there for her.

"I'm sorry, Heero." Nora muttered silently as she placed a carton of milk in the fridge. Her shoulders were slumped and her back was faced to him as she spoke: "I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just... tired, that's all. I'm just tired." She whispered with a sigh, slowly closing the refrigerator.

"I'm going to bed." She added in a low murmur, her head bowed as she slowly walked out of the kitchen.

Heero frowned in worry, watching her go. He looked down at his wristwatch, noting that it was only five PM. He looked up at her bedroom door, a painful pinch tugging his heart when he saw Nora close it behind her.

Sighing, he bowed his head and closed his eyes sadly. His fists were clenched at the sides of his body. He felt so damn useless at the moment, being unable to help the woman he had learned to care about the most.

* * *

Nora came out of her room to make dinner that evening. Her every movement was stiff and tired as she worked to prepare the meal. The kitchen was silent aside for the clacking of a spoon against a pot and a knife on the cutting board. A soup was boiling on the stove, the soft bubbling filling the air with a numbing sound.

Heero was sitting by the kitchen table, his books set neatly in front of him. He was leaning over a thick and shabby notebook, his face concentrated with a frown as he tried to keep his mind on the text. His mind kept wandering back to the bookcase in the living room, back to those books Nora possessed. He wanted to ask her about them, but something told him that he shouldn't.

There was tension in the air. The atmosphere in the kitchen was edgy and unpleasant. He felt tense even with no good reason, something in the air made his muscles taut. Nora's solemn mood was a great part of it. Something was bothering the woman, and it bothered Heero as well.

He looked up from his books, stealing a glance towards her. She was standing by the stove, stirring the soup. Her shoulders were slumped and her appearance was tired. She seemed so fragile all of a sudden, far from the proud and sweet woman he was used to see.

There was great sadness inside Nora, there's always have been. Sometimes, when he slept over, he could hear her cry at night. He would be lying on the sofa, curled under a blanket he never remembered covering himself with, as he listened to her cry. Her tears were bitter and full of grief. Her pain echoed in every sob. He would lie there, lost and confused, having no idea what to do. He didn't know if he should go and comfort her, if he should force her to speak or just ignore it for the time being. There was so much sadness in her heart, so much pain he wanted to ease, but he didn't know how. When she cried, all he did was curl under his blanket as his heart cried with her. He didn't know what else to do.

The next morning she would be fine, all smiles and puns and sweet manners. She acted like nothing was wrong, like the sun was shining and everything was fine. She was a fool if she thought that he could not see her sadness. Her eyes might be blind, but they told volumes of what she was feeling. Something was murdering her from the inside. He had to make her speak about it, somehow. He knew from experience that if she would just talk about it, if she will let her secrets out, bear them in front of another soul, her heart will be ten times lighter. He used to keep so much hurt inside him, so much pain that his heart could not contain, and only when he began speaking about it, only when he had someone to listen, that pain began to ease. Nora was there to listen to him; she was there to listen and not to judge. He wanted to do the same for her.

"Heero, would you set the table please?" Nora asked quietly, before she turned off the fire in the stove.

"Hai." He mumbled, closing his book. He slowly cleared his things off the kitchen table and walked over to the cupboard to take the plates. The kitchen was silent as he arranged the table, and it remained silent as Nora served the food. She sat down heavily, exhaling a long sigh. The chairs creaked loudly in the silent kitchen as both drew closer to the table and began to eat.

Heero stared at her sadly, leaving his food untouched. His heart clenched painfully when he realized how tired she looked, her features terribly pale.

"Is something wrong?" He dared to ask, his tone slow and careful.

Nora didn't turn to face him, and simply took another sip of the soup. "No." She said, sighing. "I'm just very tired, Heero."

Heero sighed sadly. He used to be tired too, tired of living, but now he was grateful for every breath he drew. And it was all thanks to this woman. Why couldn't he make her happy too!?

"I'll be gone on some arrangements next week." Nora informed him quietly while eating. "So don't be surprised if I won't be home."

"Where are you going? Do you want me to come?" He asked, his tone somewhat hopeful.

Nora turned to face him, smiling warmly, though her eyes glittered with sadness. "There's no need, Heero, really. I can do this by myself."

"I understand." Heero mumbled, bowing his head sadly.

"You're welcomed to come over if you want, I'll leave you a key." She said, still smiling in that tired manner of hers. "I'll leave you some food in the fridge, so you'll have something to eat while studying."

Heero sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, terribly bothered by this arrangement. He felt like a nuisance. Perhaps she was tired of his constant company. Perhaps he had used her hospitality to the limit. Was he not wanted here anymore? But that couldn't be, because she invited him to stay anyway! No. there had to be another reason. Maybe she did have something she HAD to do alone. But what?

"Heero, please don't take it the wrong way." Nora spoke softly. She could read his silence so well, to a point where she could almost hear his thoughts. She knew that he was taking this too grimly.

"You've done nothing wrong, Heero. There's just something I have to take care of. It won't be long, just a few hours."

"I, I understand." He mumbled, trying to tell himself that indeed he had nothing to worry about. It didn't help much. He knew that something was going on, and it bothered him to no end.

* * *

"Hey, Heero, you're not coming to the lecture?" One of the students in Heero's basic-psychology class asked him as the lesson ended. The two sat side by side during the lesson, and they were on somewhat of friendly terms. When the young student noticed that Heero was in a rush to leave class, he ran after him and caught up with him in the hallway.

"It's something all students must attend." He informed Heero. "The Dean would have your HEAD if you'll skip the lecture."

Heero snorted and adjusted his hold on his backpack. "Colony-Terrorism between AC 180 to AC 190? Please, Nathan, save me the trouble." He muttered, walking forward without shifting his gaze aside for a moment.

Students passed them by in a rush, heading the opposite way, towards the auditorium, where the lecture was held.

"I think that pre-war terrorism is pretty interesting. It should be a cool lecture." Nathan contradicted with a smile.

"The last thing I want to hear at the moment is about terrorist attacks on space-embassies and federal buildings. I've had enough of that for a lifetime." He said bitterly, his gaze harsh and unforgiving as he continued walking forward.

Nathan sighed. "Fine, suit yourself. I'll tell the dean you felt sick or something."

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Heero thanked him softly, and the two parted ways. Nathan made his way back to the auditorium while Heero strode quickly out of the building and past the yard.

He was in such a hurry to leave, that he failed to notice another student skipping the lecture. He stalked promptly past a thick tree on his way out of the university, missing the sight of a swinging braid sneaking into a narrow passageway that led out of the yard, and into the street.

He hurried to catch the bus home and walked straight to Nora's place. He keyed himself in and threw his backpack to the floor. He didn't take the time to have a drink, freshen up, or eat something. He walked directly to the bookcase in the living room, back to the mystery, back to finding some answers.

He used Nora's absence to try and dig a little into her past. He had little luck finding anything through the library computer. Her name didn't come up anywhere notable. Just a few records of being born and alive, a recent Earth Sphere Citizen, but that wasn't unusual because the Earth Sphere Government was established not so long ago, and all of its citizens were new. There was no way telling where she might have been before the Earth united into one nation. He didn't want to use his skills and hack the City Hall records, because he promised himself to stop all illegal activities once the war was over. He decided, back then, that he will start from scratch, and he will do it in an honest and decent way.

Therefore his search through the bureaucratic world ended with no results. The most logical thing to do was start at the root of the problem, the very core of his search- Nora's apartment. He decided that the bookcase was a good place to start.

He scanned the books once again, going through all the political and diplomatic reading material. He pulled out each book, scanned it quickly and searched between its pages. He found nothing. Just a few ragged notes, written in someone's messy handwriting. He assumed it wasn't Nora's writing, but he could never be sure because he never saw her write anything.

Dejected, he reached for the last book on the shelf. It was a thick, dusty and moldy book. It smelled like old paper, its pages turning yellow with age. Reading the title on the cover, Heero saw that it was just another book about diplomacy.

"Understanding the people", the cover said. Heero sighed and opened the book. The hard cover made a soft scarping noise as he opened it, suggesting that the book hadn't been opened in a long, long, while. The first page was empty of print, but there was a small handwritten dedication:

Never forget what this is all about, dear.

The people are the heart and soul of every public server.

Good luck with your new job.

Love,

Nora.

Heero frowned in confusion. These books didn't belong to Nora. They were someone else's books. But who?

Taking a deep breath, he began leafing through the thick book. There were whole chapters filled with paragraphs that spoke of peace and humanity. About righteousness and honesty. About caring for the cause and never forgetting who you work for. The guide for the perfect politician, if there was such a thing. This book treated the corruption in the political world like the disease that it was. It was filled with dreams and visions that never came true. Heero wondered if anyone ever bothered to read this book besides the one Nora got it for. Considering all that went on in the political arena during the last few decades, it was highly unlikely.

Sighing, he turned the book over to look at the back cover. Something fell out of the book as he turned it over, and landed on the floor.

Heero swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. For some reason, his heart began beating faster. He slowly bowed his head to look down at the fallen object.

It was a photograph, lying face down at his feet.

His breath quickened as he bent down to pick it up. His hand was trembling as he held it and brought it up to his face. There was a certain forbidding feeling in the air. His heart was pounding hard as he slowly turned the photograph over. There were answers there, he was sure. He just wasn't sure if he was allowed to know them.

The photo lay heavily in his arms for a long time. He just stood there, staring at it numbly, his gaze unfocused. He felt the pressure rise in the air around him, making the air too heavy to breathe. The picture was like dead weight in his hand. He took a faltering breath before focusing his eyes on the picture. His glazed blue eyes slowly came back to focus and looked at it.

The photograph was old, its edges eaten up. There were small yellow stains over it, but still it was very clear. There were three people photographed there, a man, a woman and a small child. They were standing in what looked like a big green park, the silver casing of a colony in the background.

Heero swallowed hard and examined the woman's face. He was looking into the face of a very young, maybe twenty-years-old, Nora. She was wearing a bright blue dress, which reached down to her ankles, and her long hair was gathered in a thick braid lying over her shoulder. She wasn't looking directly into the lens, meaning that she was blind. But there was a bright light in her eyes that he had never seen before. She seemed very happy, as was the man by her side.

She was standing beside a tall and handsome young man. The two were hugging each other, his hand around her waist, both of them smiling at the camera. He was taller than her, dark and handsome. Leaning closer to the picture, Heero thought that he could see a hint of Asian heritage in the man's features.

His hand was trembling badly as he turned his eyes to look at the third person in the picture- a small, maybe three years old, child. He was standing by his father, holding his large hand with his little palm. There was a wide, sweet, smile lighting his little features, his dark blue eyes sparkling with joy and love. He was so tiny compared to his parents, but his pose suggested that he felt bigger than life at the moment. There was a strong feeling of love, trust and happiness radiating from that single photo. A small moment frozen in time that contained so much emotion, so many feelings and so much told without one word said.

Heero found himself drawn to the picture. He held it with shaking hands, bringing it closer to his face as if meaning to get sucked into that picture, into that beautiful moment in time.

He staggered backwards, slowly sitting down on the couch. He didn't take his eyes off the picture the whole time. His heart was beating painfully. He wanted to know everything about this picture. Where was it taken? When? He was holding the reason for Nora's unhappiness in his hand, and he wanted to know why. Where did all the happiness in that photo disappear? What happened?

He had to make Nora speak about it.

Bowing his head, he reached his hand to carefully touch the picture. He ran his fingers gently over the photograph, caressing each face. A small smile spread on his lips, as a tiny tingle of warmth touched his heart. For a moment, he felt like a part of that picture, like a member of the happy family. For a moment, his heart filled with such warmth, so familiar and strong, that he could have sworn he had felt it before.

The door suddenly opened and Nora walked in. Heero flinched, startled, and dropped the picture.

"Heero, are you here?" Nora called as she closed the door, her voice tired.

Heero nodded and hurried to bend down and pick the photograph. "H-hai." He called back, his hands moving frantically to hide the photo, though common sense suggested that he didn't have to.

Nora sighed and hung her coat by the door. Her movements were stiff and tired. "Are you studying?" She asked wearily, some numb callousness evident in her voice.

"Yes." Heero hurried to say, shoving the photo into the book. He hurried to slam it shut, flinching at the loud sound it made. His heart was racing and his cheeks burnt with shame. He felt bad for what he had done, and he felt even worse for the fact that he could easily hide it from her because she was blind.

"Is something wrong?" Nora asked, moving slowly towards the sofa. She wiped a few chunks of her long hair back, moving it out of her tired eyes. She could hear the different rhythm of his breathing, which she already knew how to recognize according to his mood. She could tell when he was sleeping or simply tired, when he was in a lot of physical exertion, eating, drinking, watching television, concentrating on his studying, angry, happy, cold, warm... anything at all. She was used to hear the sound of his breathing, the very rhythm of his life, in her apartment. The place felt empty and cold when this sound was absent. Right now she knew that he was nervous or troubled. His tone of voice supported that assumption.

"Is everything all right?" She asked again, sitting down by his side. She turned to face him, her features worried. Heero couldn't help but notice how pale she was. She looked sick. He didn't want to cause her any more trouble.

Sighing, he looked away. "Everything is fine." He whispered, trying to sound like he meant it. It was hard to fool Nora. "I'm just... tired. Too much studying, I guess."

"I see. Would you like me to make you some coffee?" She asked, preparing to get up.

Heero shook his head. "No, there's no need, Nora. Thank you." He assured her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her down to the couch. He got up himself. "I'll help myself." He said and walked to the kitchen. He placed the book on the kitchen table; under a few newspapers he had read that morning. His heart was still beating faster with guilt. Questions were swirling wildly in his mind, making him dizzy. His hand trembled as he made himself a cup of strong coffee, and a cup of tea for Nora. She looked too ill and too pale for his liking. He was worried.

* * *

He took it onto himself to make dinner that night. Silence hung heavily in the air as he served the meal to the table and sat down to eat. Nora seemed to be lost in thought, merely sitting there and staring sadly at her meal. He tried to coax some words out of her, but she was not in the mood for talking. Heero understood and remained silent. The atmosphere in the usually cozy apartment chilled by a couple degrees.

When they were done eating, Nora prepared to clear the table. Heero's heart sank when he noticed that her hands trembled when she picked up her plate. He jumped out of his seat and took the plate from her.

"I'll do it." He didn't wait for her agreement and began to clear the table. Nora stood there for a while, until she retired to bed with a long sigh. From his position by the sink, Heero watched her walk stiffly out of the kitchen and disappear into her bedroom. His heart twitched in pain when he saw her close the door behind her, shutting him out completely.

He swallowed the tears that were conniving to assault him, vanquishing them before they could conjure any attack plans. He turned back to the sink, his hands moving frantically under the warm water, scrubbing the plates furiously. His blue eyes were numb and moist, flooded with self-loathing and shame. For all the support and comfort Nora offered him, for all the good she had done for him, he couldn't give back even half of it. What a useless person he was, unable to help the person he cared about the most.

He finished with the dishes, and cleaned the kitchen, all the while thinking helplessly of a way to approach Nora with his discovery about the photograph. With a heavy sigh, he brought his books to the kitchen and sat down to study. The apartment was dark, except for the light in the kitchen. When he looked ahead he encountered nothing but the dark void of the living room and Nora's closed door. It hurt to see it closed, so he turned away, back to his books. It was hard for him to concentrate on the text, but he was not willing to leave the apartment just yet. It wouldn't be the first time he would stay the night, and this time it was essential for him to stay. He didn't want to leave Nora's side. He might not be of much help, but the least he could do was stay. Let her know that he was there if she needed him.

Four hours later found Heero leaning over his book with his head pillowed in his arms. He was deep asleep, his mouth slightly open as he breathed. His eyelids were flickering under the effect of a dream, a few tears lingering to the corner of his eyes. The apartment was silent aside for his heavy breathing. It was so silent that one could almost hear the tears sliding slowly down his cheeks. Those tears were for Nora, because even in his dream he was trying hard to find away to help her. In his dream, he realized, his heart filled with love. He loved her too much to let her wallow in dark misery. He wanted to reach out and hug her with all his might, to sooth all of her pain. Somewhere in his dream, a dreadful feeling overtook him, telling him that he could never take her pain away. And for that, he also cried.

A silent creaking sound tore through the silence of the night as Nora's door slowly opened. Dressed in an ankle-length nightgown and a robe, her long hair unbound, Nora clutched her robe tightly and slowly made her way towards the kitchen. At the sound of Heero's breathing, she stopped in the doorway, turning her blind gaze in his direction. He was having another nightmare, she concluded, her heart going out for him.

She sighed quietly and slowly removed her robe. She placed it gently over his back, covering him. She stood by his chair, listening to the comforting sound of his breathing. She reached a trembling hand forward, until her fingers brushed against his hair. She caressed him gently, lovingly, running her fingers through his soft hair. A small, sad, smile touched her lips and she sighed again, closing her eyes sadly. Tears leaked down her cheeks, and her heart felt heavy with anguish.

"Oh Hikari..."

* * *

"So how's it going with your studying?" Raul asked as he cleaned the coffee mugs behind the counter. Heero, who was cleaning the service counter, shrugged.

"All right, I suppose. I have finales coming up." He answered quietly. He was in a solemn mood, and not much willing to make conversation. Though Raul and he had gotten close in the last few weeks, ever since they discovered that they were in the same literature class, Heero didn't feel like speaking with him today. His mind was troubled with other topics, the main one being Nora. He couldn't stop thinking about the woman. About her sadness and the pain that hovered over her like a dark cloud. The story told in the old photograph was eating at her heart. He was afraid of losing her to despair. He was determined to do everything in his power to keep her from falling into the same dark pit she had rescued him from not so long ago. She had managed to chase his pain away, to ease his sadness, and he felt so ungrateful for being unable to do the same for her. He wanted to be there for her, he wanted to comfort her, but she didn't let him get close. She was beginning to close off again, like she was when they first met.

He knew it had something to do with the photo he found. He knew that there was a past she was mourning for, a loss that was far greater than anything he could imagine. He just didn't know how to make her speak of it. How to let her know that he was willing to listen, that he was willing to help. He wasn't sure how exactly, but he wanted to try. He owed her so much; he wanted to return all the favors she had done for him.

"Really? Me too." Raul replied with a smile, cutting Heero's string of thought. "Professor Ravitz is giving us all a hard time."

Heero nodded, and threw his cloth aside. He made his way to the coffee machine and released the pot. He began the routine task of cleaning the machine and refreshing the coffee supply.

"You're not much in a talking mood today, are you?" Raul asked more seriously, some concern evident in his voice.

Heero sighed and reached a hand into the coffee pot in order to gather all the mud-like coffee powder that clung to the bottom.

"Is something wrong?" Raul asked, stepping closer to Heero.

"No." Heero muttered, reaching a hand inside the pot. Unfortunately for him, the pot was still very hot, the muddy coffee burning his fingers. In reflex, he yanked his hand out of there, jumping back. The dark substance he had gathered in his hand flew back and landed all over Raul's shirt.

"Shit." Heero cursed, waving his burnt hand in an attempt to cool it. "It was still hot." He sighed, turning to face Raul.

The young man's shirt was stained with the muddy coffee. "Yeah, and now I'm covered with it." Raul muttered bitterly, looking down at his dirty shirt.

Heero smiled in apology. "I'm sorry, Raul." He said, his voice small and dejected. "I forgot to check if it was hot."

Raul glared at him, though it was all in good spirits. "And to think that you used to be a Gundam pilot..." He snarled, and then winked. He tried to wipe the dark muck of his shirt, making a disgusted face. "Oh yuck..."

"Here, give me your shirt." Heero said, already unbuttoning his own uniforms. "We'll make a switch while I'll go clean it for you." He offered, taking his pink/blue/white shirt off. He handed it to Raul.

The young man smiled thankfully. "Thanks, man." He said, slipping out of his own shirt. "The last thing I need is Mr. Malcolm walking in here and seeing me like this. He doesn't favor me as much as he favors you..." He muttered, handing Heero the shirt.

"I'll be right back." Heero promised, walking into the kitchen with Raul's dirty shirt.

The other young man hurried to put Heero's shirt on, straighten the nametag that got tangled in the fabric, and went back to work.

The diner's door opened and a costumer walked in. He made his way to the counter and sat on one of the stools.

"Hey there." He called, gaining Raul's attention.

The young waiter turned to face him. He smiled when he recognized the young man. It was hard to forget a young man with hair as long as this one's. It was that tourist that walked into the diner about two months ago. He was dressed rather elegantly, with a fashionable red shirt, a black scarf and a matching sweater on top of it. His hair was tidier than the last time he'd seen him, probably because there were no more stormy winds to tousle it so badly. His long braid was resting smoothly over his back, his bangs brushed aside nicely. And, like last time, there was a warm smile on his face. Raul couldn't help but to smile back.

"Hey. What's up? You're still in town?"

The young man's smile grew when he saw that he was recognized. "Yup. I've kinda settled in here." He answered with a large smile, looking around the empty diner before turning back to Raul. "Care to give me some coffee?"

Raul nodded. "Sure. You'll have it here or you want it to go?"

"Nah, I'll have it here. Throw in a ham sandwich while you're at it. I'm starved." He said lightly, pulling a thick book out of a bag he was carrying. He laid it on the counter and began reading silently. When Raul returned with his order, he saw that the young man was busy writing side notes on the book, with a pencil, and there was a concentrated expression on his face. He didn't want to bother him so he just placed the plate by his side and returned to finish what Heero had started- cleaning the coffee machine.

The diner was silent again, until there was a small snapping sound, like wood breakig. The young costumer cursed. "Damn it." He said, sighing. He looked up at Raul. "I don't suppose you have a pencil around here?"

Raul turned to see him waving a broken pencil. "Uh..." He looked down at his uniforms, and saw that there was a pencil shoved in the pocket of his - Heero's - shirt. He handed it to the man with a smile. "There you go."

"Thanks." The other answered with a smile, taking the pencil.

"So," Raul began in a friendly tone. "You're a student?"

The other nodded, not taking his eyes off his book. "Yup. Harcourt Brace, home of ex-soldiers with some brains!" He said jokingly, tapping on his chest with mock-pride.

"Really?" Raul marveled. "I also go to Harcourt!"

The young man frowned, looking up at him. "Is that so? Well, in that case I should finally introduce myself, right?" He said, reaching a hand over the counter. "Duo Maxwell."

Raul smiled and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you." He said. He was about to introduce himself as well, when Duo suddenly continued speaking.

"I've never seen you around Harcourt, uh..." He looked down at Raul's shirt, reading the nametag. His eyes suddenly widened. His head jerked up, looking at Raul in shock. "Heero Yuy!?" He exclaimed, stunned. "Y-your name is Heero Yuy!?"

Raul frowned, looking down at himself. Why did he just call him... Oh! Heero's shirt! He hurried to turn back to Duo, smiling in apology.

"No, that's not my..."

It was at that exact moment that the kitchen door opened and Heero walked back into the diner. He was holding Raul's clean shirt in his hand, making his way towards the young man.

"Sorry about this, Raul." He said apologetically, handing the man his shirt as he walked past the counter. "I cleaned..." His mind suddenly realized something, all systems coming to a full stop. "...it." His voice trialed off while his features turned numb. He slowly turned to face the man by the counter, the shirt hanging loosely in his limp hand.

Raul watched in confusion as the two locked gazes, looking stunned into each other's eyes.

"D-Duo..." Heero stuttered, his features covered with disbelief.

"Heero." The other said, nodding his head in acknowledgment.

Raul was confused. "Uh... you two know each other?"

* * *

Heero fidgeted in his seat, keeping his gaze on his hands, which rested on his lap. Across of him, at the other side of the table, sat Duo, also silent. The two were sitting by one of the more remote tables at the diner, together in a quiet corner. There were two cups of coffee in front of them, courtesy of Raul who hurried to give them "some space", as he explained with a sheepish laughter.

He was both embarrassed and confused. He didn't know what to make of this encounter. He had learned to accept, a long time ago, that the other pilots chose to move on with their lives and go their separate ways. The only family he could claim to ever have broke apart. It was only natural, he assumed.

"So," Duo began, forcing some cheerfulness into his voice. It sounded strained nonetheless. "This is shocking, isn't it?" He commented with a restrained laugh. "I mean, what are the odds, huh?"

"Yeah." Heero breathed, keeping his head bowed.

There was a long silence, at which Duo took the time to sip his coffee.

"So, uh... How long have you been working here?" He finally asked, daring to send a small glance at Heero's way. The other man's silence was making him a little uncomfortable.

Heero inhaled deeply, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. His head was still bowed. "About two years..." He mumbled, so confused and embarrassed that he couldn't bring himself to speak loudly. "Maybe a little less."

"No shit." Duo marveled, leaning back in his chair. He took another sip, gazing out the window. "I've been around here for like... six months. It's funny how we never ran into each other." He turned back to Heero, his gaze fierce and serious.

Heero finally gathered the courage to look up at Duo. He took a deep breath and raised his head to meet Duo's eyes. He swallowed before speaking. "W-where have you been? Before, I-I mean." He asked, his voice shaking. His cheeks were also a little flushed. He was terribly embarrassed, but he didn't know why. This was Duo after all. He knew him inside out. They used to be comrades. Friends. Brothers. Why was it so hard to speak?

Sighing, Duo leaned back into his seat, resting one arm on the table. He began tracing the edge of his cup as he spoke. "I went back to space. Straight after the war. Couldn't bear to stay down here a minute longer." He turned to look at Heero with a bitter smile. "Too many memories, yanno?"

Heero watched him silently, unblinkingly, trying to understand. This was Duo in front of him, wasn't it? He was not dreaming, right? He was so... real. That hair, the way it shone under the sunlight. Those unique amethyst eyes, with all the laughter and the pain. That bitter smile of his and the way he was drinking his coffee. They were so... Duo. Why did he have to leave?

When he saw that he wasn't getting any clear reaction out of Heero, Duo sighed and slumped his shoulders. He returned to sipping his drink, gazing out the window. "Why did you stay on Earth, Heero?" He asked, still watching the window. His voice was quiet and solemn.

Heero sighed, lowering his gaze. He reached a hesitant hand for his coffee and began stirring it. "I woke up in a hospital three weeks after the war ended. My physical condition did not allow me to leave Earth just yet. A shuttle flight would have only damaged my health. I stayed on Earth until I was fully recovered, and then..." He sighed, shrugging. "I didn't have any reason to leave." He mumbled, looking at the window as well. "Or to stay. It didn't really matter."

Duo chuckled bitterly. "Sounds reasonable enough." He said, turning back to face Heero.

Their gazes locked. There was a certain shine in Duo's eyes. They seemed to shimmer, the soft gray sunshine coming from the window casting a certain aura to those amethyst orbs. They looked remorseful. Apologetic. Heero felt uncomfortable under such gaze. He didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry, Heero." Duo whispered, his voice faltering. There was deep and earnest remorse in his voice.

Heero frowned, having a hard time to follow. "What for?" He asked, trying hard to understand. "You've done nothing wrong."

Again that bitter chuckle. Duo shook his head slowly, as if amused by something, though his amusement seemed cynical. He took a deep breath and turned to look at Heero again, his eyes shining warmly. "You'll never change, will you?" he said, "Forgiving everyone but yourself." He sighed, shaking his head again before locking his gaze with Heero's.

"There's nothing to forgive." Heero said carefully, unsure about the purpose behind Duo's words.

"Heero," Duo began, leaning forward and resting both his elbows on the table. He leaned so close that he was but three inches from Heero's face. "I let you wake up to an empty room in that hospital. I just packed my bags and left. That's not what friends do." He brought one hand forward, reaching for Heero's hand, which was still holding the teaspoon limply. Heero tensed a little in surprised, and turned a pair of confused blue eyes at Duo's direction. His hand was so warm...

"I feel awful about what I've done." Duo confessed silently, his voice anguished. "I wasn't there for you when you needed me. Just like when--"

"No." Heero said sharply, pulling his hand away. "Don't you dare bring that up." He hissed, a curtain of dark pain shadowing his eyes. "There was nothing you could have done for me back then, and there was nothing you could have done when the war ended." He said, his breathing harsh. His chest was clenching with pain just by the mere mentioning of that dark, cold, and awful prison. His heart was pounding faster and he had to stop his hand from trembling.

"I'm sorry." Duo whispered again, pulling away from Heero. He settled back into his chair, leaning on it heavily. Sighing, he bowed his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry..."

They drew apart, distancing themselves from the other, and sinking into a heavy silence. Heero couldn't tear his eyes off Duo's slumped and defeated form. His heart ached for him. He felt bad for bursting the way he did. Duo didn't deserve it.

"Duo," he began quietly. Duo looked up, carefully raising his head. Heero somehow managed to offer a small, nervous, smile.

"I've missed you." He confessed, his eyes looking brightly at the braided man. "And I don't hold any grudges against you." He added softly.

Duo smiled warmly, his eyes shining in gratitude. "Thanks, Heero. I missed you too." He chuckled, mirthfully this time, looking at Heero with a shining pair of eyes. Heero couldn't help but to smile back. The two began talking freely; they had a lot of catching up to do.

* * *

That night when Heero returned from work he was ecstatic. He went straight to Nora's place and knocked on the door. Without waiting for an answer, he let himself in - as he usually did - a smile on his face as he searched for the woman. He couldn't wait to tell her about his unexpected reunion.

His smile quickly faded when he entered the kitchen, and found Nora sitting there, the shabby picture in front of her. She was leaning back in her chair, her shoulders slumped and her back curled in tired defeat. Her fingers were touching the photo, her dead blue eyes gazing ahead as if able to see it.

Heero halted, his body frozen. He swallowed hard, his heart beating faster. Suddenly, he was afraid of entering the kitchen.

"Where did you find it?" Nora's solemn, quiet voice spoke up, carrying waves of sorrow and guilt within it.

Heero inhaled deeply and bowed his head in shame. "I was cleaning the bookshelf..." He explained quietly, shamefully.

"I see..." Nora mumbled, her voice numb. Heero berated himself for leaving the book in the kitchen and completely forgetting about it. He had only caused her more pain.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, coming to stand by her side. "Nora, I'm sorry."

A heavy silence fell. Heero closed his eyes sadly, feeling ashamed.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered again, his heart beating painfully. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Nora was terribly silent. Her head was bowed as she gazed blindly at the photograph, her long fingers resting on it heavily. There were tears welling in her eyes, a few fat droplets falling upon old picture. She slowly reached to caress a photograph that was full of long forgotten smiles.

"God, I wish I could see it..." She whispered sadly, making Heero's heart sink with pain. He watched her slim fingers caress the family photo. "I nearly forgot how they looked like..."

Heero nodded slowly in understanding. The images of his own past were also dim and unclear. He had forgotten them a long time ago. The memories he possessed were merely shadows of a past long gone.

"You never told me that you lived in the Colonies." He finally dared to speak; drawing a chair to seat by her side. He laid a hesitant hand on her shoulder. "Would you like to speak about it? It's not much... but I can listen."

Nora sighed heavily. "I just wanted to forget..." She mumbled, her fingers finding the photo of her baby boy, even without the aid of her eyes. She caressed the photo gently, sadly, her glazed eyes glittering with tears. "It was a long time ago..."

"This is before you went blind?" Heero asked, carefully moving closer to her. He wanted her so badly to open up and speak about it, the way she allowed him to do when he needed someone to listen.

Nora let out a small chuckle/whimper, shaking her head. More tears flooded her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. She didn't bother to wipe them away.

"I was a stupid girl," she began with a quivering voice, "I was so wrapped in my happiness after I had gotten married, that I insisted on giving natural birth to my son." She sighed sadly, closing her eyes. "As you may know, it was not the safest thing to do back then."

Heero nodded in understanding. "Many women died of labor complications." [i]

Nora sniffled. "Yeah. I was lucky to stay alive, but the pregnancy had cost me my eyesight. It began fading gradually as the pregnancy progressed. By the time my baby was born I could barely see." She paused, taking a shaky breath. "I got to have one single look into his eyes before I became completely blind."

By now she was crying, her voice irregular as she spoke. She placed a hand over her mouth, squeezing the tears out of her eyes as she cried: "He had such beautiful blue eyes..."

Heero didn't know what to do, what to say, so he simply hugged her. He leaned closer to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He pulled her into a small embrace, guiding her head to lean on his shoulder.

"He was such a sweet boy..." Nora mumbled into his neck. "He was so smart and independent. He had to help me around the house, because I couldn't see what I was doing. He was so bright, he learned everything so fast... I couldn't teach him, Heero. I couldn't teach him about colors and shapes... I didn't see anything! When he asked me about things I couldn't answer. I just couldn't!" She cried harder, burying her face in Heero's chest.

Heero held her until she calmed a little bit. He kept silent, knowing from experience that she needed to let it all out.

Nora sniffled, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "But he learned... he learned from his father and he learned from the television... My husband... he spent every spare minute he had with him. I was still adjusting to my blindness, so Hayashi had to compensate for everything I couldn't do for our son... They loved each other so much..."

She suddenly broke in a small chuckle, remembering something from long ago. "Hayashi, my husband, he... he worked at the L1 embassy. It drove Hikari crazy when his father went to work. He did anything in his power to try and keep his father home. He cried and he screamed and he clung to him desperately, trying to make him stay. But Hayashi... he was very devoted to his work. He... he had to work late, and it broke my son's heart." She took a moment to breathe, wiping away her tears. Heero continued holding her, always silent, his eyes tearful as well.

"One day Hikari made it practically impossible for my husband to leave. He insisted that he should stay home, claiming that he shouldn't go to work. 'It will be bad', he cried over and over." A choked sob escaped her and she had to take a moment to adjust her breathing. "He was crying hysterically and begging Hayashi not to leave. My husband was late to a very important meeting that day, he had to leave. Since Hikari didn't let him go, he offered to take him to work with him. He promised him a fun day at daddy's work. Hikari was ecstatic." She sighed, her breath faltering. Heero held her tighter, feeling her whole body tense. He could see how hard it was for her to speak of this.

Nora smiled sadly and continued talking. "I remember packing their lunch that day... I was learning how to cook Japanese food for Hayashi, because his mother passed away and he missed her cooking. I made them a small Japanese lunch and waved them goodbye as they left."

She paused, taking a deep breath. Heero felt her tremble in his arms. He held her tighter and waited silently for her to continue.

"There was a terrorist attack on the embassy that day. It was blown up in an assassination attempt. There were... there were no survivors." Nora's sobs grew harsher. She buried her face in his chest, weeping mournfully. Heero swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, his eyes stinging with tears.

"He was only three years old..." Nora cried, shaking her head in denial. "He was such a good little boy! He had his whole life ahead of him! He was so smart, and sweet, and kind... There was nothing left of him. Nothing... When they called me to identify the bodies, all I could do was run my fingers over them. They were so... disfigured... I could barely recognize them. My baby boy... there was nothing left to recognize..."

The sobs returned and shook her body. She clung to Heero desperately, clutching his shirt in her hand as she cried. Two silver trials of tears slid quietly down Heero's cheeks, slowly falling onto Nora's hair. He took a deep breath, trying hard not to cry as well, and leaned his head on top of Nora's. He closed his eyes tight and drew her closer, hugging her so hard until he was sure it hurt.

Images flashed quickly through his mind. Again that building, behind the park. Blue dress. Long hair. Soft fingers.

His tears grew bolder, overwhelming him. He let out a choked whimper and buried his face deep in her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Nora..." He cried, his voice trembling with pain. "I'm so sorry I made you talk about this... I'm so sorry... about what happened..." He whispered hoarsely, desperate to make the pain go away. His eyes were closed tight as he tried to block the ghostly memories that suddenly flooded him. Pain. Fear. Blackness. War. Loss. A big explosion. "I'm sorry..."

They remained locked in a desperate embrace, holding each other tight. They refused to let go, afraid that the other might disappear the moment they will separate. Heero's shirt was soaked with Nora's bitter tears, his own features also damp with the salty liquid. She refused to let go of him even when her sobs calmed. She held onto him like a frightened child. Her blind blue eyes were wide open, glazed over with tears. They seemed to be looking far ahead at nothing. She took comfort from the feeling of Heero's strong, warm, arms around her. Closing her eyes, she silently confessed that she loved him so very much...

After a few moments more, they drew apart. Nora slowly detached herself from his embrace, sniffling and wiping away the last of her tears. She turned to face him, her lips trembling. Heero sat still, looking at her calmly. He didn't pull away when she reached two trembling hands towards him. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply when her fingers touched him, tracing his face gently. Her fingers were cool and smooth, hesitant and timid. She trailed them carefully over his face, feeling his features. She closed her eyes as well, trying to create an image of him by what her finger sensed.

Heero inhaled shakily, letting her fingers explore his face. He stiffened a little, a natural instinct when someone was too close, but forced himself to relax. He felt her trace his nose, his lips, and his jaw. She moved up to feel his cheeks, brushing over his closed eyes. She ran her fingers through his messy bangs, tousling them a little before moving down the sides of his head to his temples, his ears, and down to his chin. He swallowed, his heart pounding strongly in his chest. Again those images. A green park. A cozy home. Long hair. Blue dress. A caress.

Nora's fingers slowly withdrew. He opened his eyes and looked down at her silently. Her blind eyes were directed at him. She was smiling sadly.

"You're very handsome." She whispered, her voice faltering from her previous tears. "You're a wonderful young man, Heero." She continued, petting his cheek gently. "You're everything I wished Hikari could be." She admitted silently, her cheeks blushing red. Her smile widened as she realized that his cheeks were also warm. He was also blushing.

"You're going to make someone very happy one day." She assured him with a smile, tapping on his head lightly. She could sense his smile and ruffled his hair in return. "The one who'll win your heart will be so lucky..."

"Please, Nora, you're embarrassing me." Heero mumbled, some cheerfulness returning to his voice. He took a long breath before looking up at her. Her pale features still showed traces of tears, and she seemed about ten years older. His heart filled with compassion towards her. He felt like he hadn't done enough for her yet. He wanted to make her happy.

"I'll make you some tea." He said and hurried to get up.

Nora slumped back against the chair, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. She listened to the soft sounds that filled the kitchen, accompanied by the warm feeling of Heero's presence. Taking a deep breath, she raised the photo to her chest and hugged it tightly. Leaning her head back, her eyes closed, she took a moment to just. . . breathe. Her heart felt a million times lighter.

* * *

"Are you heading home, Heero?" Duo asked as the two walked down the halls of Harcourt Brace University. Walking by his side, a small backpack hanging loosely over his shoulder, Heero nodded.

"Yes. I finished my classes for today." He turned to look at the young man by his side, looking up a little for Duo had grown a bit taller than him. "How about you?"

Duo sighed tiredly, turning to look out the large color-glass windows that decorated the hallway. It was already dark outside.

"I have two more classes to go, man. Dr. Hendrix has us slaving day and night." He muttered, waving a small hello to a couple of students walking by. They waved back at the two of them, and Heero nodded a small hello as well. They kept walking

"I'm sorry, Heero, but I guess I'll have to cancel that dinner again." Duo apologized with a sigh.

"Don't worry about it." Heero assured him, noting Duo's bitter tone. "Nora will understand. It's only the third time you've canceled." He turned to him with a smirk.

Duo chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, I know. And you like making me feel guilty about it." He turned to Heero with a bright smile.

"It's because I want you to meet her. It's important to me." Heero explained, turning his head away sheepishly.

"I know." Duo said, reaching his hand for Heero's. He held his hand gently and gave it a light squeeze. "And I promise that the minute I'll have time, I'll come over."

Though he felt like sighing, Heero couldn't help but smile at the longhaired man. "I understand." He said, squeezing back. The two stopped in front of Duo's biology class.

"Well, this is it." Duo said casually, flipping a few bangs out of his eyes. He turned to look at Heero with a smile. "You're heading home, right?"

Heero nodded. "Aa. I have some lessons to catch up with." He said. "I will see you tomorrow."

Duo nodded and gave him a friendly pat on the back. "Don't abuse the coffee pot too much, man!" He joked, waving a goodbye as he walked into the classroom.

Heero watched his swinging braid disappear behind the doorway, his eyes shining. "Baka." He snorted softly, and turned to leave.

It's been two months since he and Duo ran into each other at the diner. Since then there was only more warmth in Heero's world. Not only did Nora's smile return, but he had also gained another reason to smile.

The fateful meeting with Duo brought only more warmth into his heart. He won his best friend back, a link to his past and a certain hope for his future. The two didn't separate since the meeting at the diner. It was the hand of chance that brought them back together, and they were clever enough to make the most of it. It was one thing to make friends and socialize with new people, but it was even a greater thing to have an old friend back into your life. Heero was delighted to have Duo back in his life. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed the company of the cheerful and optimistic young man. How much he enjoyed his serious side too, the mature man behind the joker mask. He had missed having his bright and passionate spirit in his life. Duo made everything in the world look better. Everything was easier to bear, just like it was during the war.

He found himself thinking of Duo often. It was odd because he didn't give Duo much thought in the past. He was too busy being depressed or trying to get a certain hold of life, that he didn't have the time to stop and think about him. It's not like he had a particular reason to be thinking of Duo. At least, he didn't think he should have such reason. He was confused, because the more time he spent with Duo, the more time he spent thinking about him. He found it hard to concentrate on his studying. His mind tended to wander on his own, daydreaming when he should be learning.

He replayed events in his head, old memories from the war and new precious memories from recent times. All of them had to do with Duo. He recalled all those times Duo and he shared a dorm room in various boarding schools. How he got mad at Duo for simply being there and distracting him all the time. Then he recalled how much he missed the constant chatter and casual contact when Duo was gone. How he had gotten used to the boy placing a hand on his shoulder, leaning over him or simply sitting by his side.

During the war Duo filled a certain void in him. He was able to reach where others could not. He managed to get the attention of the boy behind the soldier. He did it so simply and easily, without trying. It was just so easy to get used to him, to be with him. Even when he didn't know how to respond to these feelings, to the urge to be with Duo and hear what he has to say about any trivial thing, he knew that he wanted to be near him. He felt alive when Duo was around, simply because Duo's personality was larger than life itself. He was alive for both of them, and Heero enjoyed life through what Duo said or did. He was his anchor to life and the only real friend he ever had.

When the wars ended, that anchor was cut off and released. They went their separate ways. Heero sunk deep into the ocean as Duo sailed away into the sunset. Alone underwater, lost in freezing darkness, Heero slowly forgot of ever feeling the warmth of the sun, the light that Duo radiated. He learned to slowly climb to surface by himself, emerging out of the water and gulping for air. Nora was the one who reached her hand to help and keep him from drowning. She took him onboard her ship, and for that he was grateful. He loved her for everything she did for him, for letting him feel the sun again. Trying to move on with his life, Heero slowly forgot about Duo.

His heart was flooded with nameless feelings now that Duo was back in his life, like a dry well slowly filling with water. Every time that Duo laughed, each time he took his hand or made a silly joke while they should have been studying, Heero's heart faltered. It was a different feeling from the one he got during the war. Between fighting, all he sought was a friend and a shoulder to lean on. Now that he had that in life, his feelings towards Duo were taking a different shade. He found himself seeking other things, beyond friendship. He didn't know how to define these feelings, he didn't know their name or their meaning, but he knew that they made his heart beat faster each time they flooded him. He felt ten times greater when Duo was near. He felt bigger from the inside, as though he's about to burst. The heat inside him was sometimes unbearable. He wished he knew what to do about it, because sometimes it didn't even let him sleep at night.

Duo occupied his every thought, his every heartbeat.

Sometimes, lying awake in his bed in the middle of the night, Heero smiled at a small and silly thought. Sometimes he smiled because he thought he was in love with Duo. It was a stupid thing to presume. He could never be sure if it was love that he was feeling, but the thought made him smile nonetheless. Instead of dreaming about blood and death, instead of having psychotic visions of being stalked or tortured and raped, he would fantasize of what it could be like... what would life be like if he was with Duo. When he did fall asleep, it would be peacefully and with ease. A smile graced his face more often.

After a few weeks of being reunited with his best friend, Heero began to notice another strange feeling. There was tension in the air. Sizzling and intense like electricity. At first he thought he was imagining it, but the feeling proved to be more real than anything he could have imagined. There was a certain tension between them, in every look, in every "accidental" or casual contact between them. Something was going on, something cooking in the air around them, and he had no idea what. There were long stares, hidden glances and a small brush of a hand over his skin even when it was unneeded. He found himself moving his chair closer to Duo's when they sat together in the library. He would get edgy and even cranky if they were unable to meet for some reason. He missed Duo when they separated. He could also see the relief on Duo's face when they finally did meet, like he had been yearning for it too.

He once spoke of these feelings with Nora, asking her for advice. They were sitting in her apartment with their regular afternoon tea, and Heero blushed as he spoke of these feelings. He felt embarrassed talking about them, but he needed to hear what she had to say about it. Much to his disappointment, Nora just smiled knowingly and sipped her tea. She promised him that all will be fine in time, and just kept smiling. He knew that she wasn't mocking him, but it drove him crazy because he knew that there was something that she wasn't telling him. That day he found it particularly hard to concentrate on his assignments.

He had been facing this difficulty all week long, being unable to focus on his studying, so he decided to take a break from the world and find sanctuary in the library. He called Nora and told her that he will not be coming over for dinner that night. Duo was still in class, as he would be until later that evening, so Heero determined that it was a good opportunity to get some work done. He couldn't afford any more nightly excursions to some movie or pub. He had finales coming up!

It was half past nine PM and the library was rather empty. Harcourt Brace Library was a grand and luxurious hall. Its tall dome-shaped ceiling stood high and proud above the structure, overlooking the maze of shelves. Tall shelves were attached to every wall, packed with a colorful display of books. Between every few shelves there was a small spiral staircase or a ladder. Inside the large structure was a forest of bookshelves. They towered over the red carpet that covered the whole floor, arranged in tidy rows and columns. The selection of books was unheard of, there were so many books that one could spend a lifetime inside the library and still not have read them all. Between every section of bookshelves was a quiet corner for the students to sit down and study. Heavy wooden tables and comfortable chairs were stationed for the students. The polished wood shone under the warm orange light the illuminated the library. The atmosphere was warm and cozy, comfortable to sit down and read. A heavy silence ruled the library, but it was a pleasant and calming kind of silence. The kind that allowed you to relax and learn.

Heero was sitting quietly by one of the bulky wooden tables, about three open books in front of him and two more thick books sitting in a pile on the table. He had his yellow notepad in front of him, three pencils, an eraser and a sharpener. He was sitting by the Social Sciences section, buried in his psychology assignments. Each polished table had a small desk-lamp on it, providing a soft orange light for the reader. The warm ginger light washed over Heero's features, creating soft shadows on his concentrated face. His blue eyes were focused on the text he was reading, his lips a thin line as he tried to absorb what he was reading.

His mind insisted to keep wandering all the time, reminding him of the good time Duo and he had at the local theme park that weekend. Each time he recalled the roller-coaster ride, the way Duo's hair flapped wildly in the wind as the coaster cut through the air, he had to shake his head and re-read the paragraph. It was taking him too much time to read a single chapter. As if to tease him, his mind reminded him of how they both got soaking wet in the water-slide ride, and Duo's white shirt suddenly became transparent and extremely tight around his torso. He had such a taut, muscular torso...

Heero snorted and rolled his eyes. He was hopeless, God damn him. He was shameless AND hopeless! He couldn't make it through one page without thinking about Duo. He will never pass the finales if he'll keep this up.

Taking a deep breath, Heero cleared his mind and turned the page. A new chapter, a fresh start. He was going to read this one without a SINGLE distracting thought, or his name isn't Heero Yuy!

With that determination Heero stretched in his chair, leaned back towards the book and began reading:

"Chapter 10: Basic Drives and Motives. Part 4- SEX."

Heero groaned and rolled his eyes. Just his rotten luck. And he thought that the previous part- HUNGER - was bad enough...

Sighing, he started reading.

"Sex, another powerful motivator, differs in many respects from hunger." [ii]

You can say that again, Heero thought sarcastically.

"Unlike food, sex is not vital to the survival of the organism, but it is essential to the survival of the species..."

Maybe it was the topic, or maybe his sense of determination, but soon enough Heero was absorbed in the book. He read it without any diversions, reading swiftly through "Biological basis of sexual behavior" to "The role of experience", "Sexual fantasies" and "Sexual development", until he made a full stop at the next section- "Homosexuality".

There he halted, taking a moment to breathe. He drew away from the book, as if distancing himself from the inconvenience would somehow help. It didn't. He found himself staring at the title, feeling guilty of even being alive.

"Heya, partner." A soft voice came to his ears, breaking the murky glass that suddenly surrounded his mind. Heero blinked and looked up. He smiled when he saw Duo standing by his chair, chewing gum. He was wearing a dark blue sweater with a white turtleneck shirt, and a ragged backpack over his shoulder. A few of his bangs were curling at the side of his face, imitating each movement of his head. He smiled warmly at Heero, resting his hand on the back of Heero's chair.

"Surprise." He said with a wink, still chewing his gum. His eyes quickly ran up and down Heero's figure, and a warm smile spread on his features as he noted the first two buttons of Heero's white shirt were open, revealing a hint of his well-toned chest. He brought his gaze back to meet Heero's eyes, his gaze making another small detour to survey how the light reflected off Heero's messy chocolate bangs.

"What are you doing here?" Heero asked, following Duo with his gaze as the boy took a seat across of him, at the other side of the table. He threw his backpack to the floor and shrugged.

"My last class got canceled. Dr. Hendrix is sick or something." He replied casually, bending down to draw some books out of his bag.

"How did you know I'd be at the library? I told you I was going home." Heero asked with a frown.

Placing his books on the table, Duo turned to face him with a knowing smile. "I took a gamble."

Heero smiled in return, feeling a little better than he had a moment ago. If Duo was here, he didn't have to feel so bad about the damn book. He didn't know why he felt so guilty in the first place. He took a few moments to watch Duo as he arranged his books and his notebook, taking the time to appreciate the way the dim orange light touched Duo's hair. The lush chestnut strings shone under the light as Duo casually ran a hand through his bangs, pushing them backward. He was already leaning over a thick book, absorbed in reading it. There was a focused and serious expression on his face. He was chewing his gum slower, concentrating on every word.

Heero smiled affectionately and returned to his own book. There was a pleasant silence between them as both young men studied.

"Until recently, homosexuality was considered a "mental illness" or an abnormal perversion. Although many people still view homosexuality as un-natural, most psychologists and psychiatrists consider it to be a variant rather than a perversion of sexual expression and not, in itself, an indication or cause of mental illness."

Sighing, Heero slowly looked up from the page, letting his eyes wander from written words to the sight of Duo leaning over his book and studying. His eyes lingered to the sight of Duo's slightly parted lips, which moved silently as he read. He smiled lovingly as he turned to look at Duo's nose. He didn't know why he was smiling, he just did. Duo noticed none of that, being so engrossed in his book. Inhaling deeply, he forced himself to return to his own textbook.

"Much remains to be learned about the causes of homosexuality. No reliable physical differences have been found that distinguish homosexuals from heterosexuals. Although some male homosexuals may be quite feminine." Heero frowned. "And some female homosexuals may be quite masculine in appearance, this is often not the case. There is some indication that male homosexuals have lower levels of the hormone testosterone than heterosexual males, but there is no evidence that this is the cause for homosexuality. When male homosexuals are given additional hormones, their sex drive increases (also true for heterosexual men) but their sexual preferences do not change."

Heero snickered. Then all they got from THAT study is a bunch of horny guys ready to fuck like there's no tomorrow...

"Is something funny?" Duo asked, raising his head up in question.

Heero hurried to swallow a smile. He shook his head. "No. Just a typo."

Duo frowned. "Really? You should change the book... I wouldn't trust a textbook with typos..." He smiled and returned to his book.

Heero took another moment to just stare at Duo's hands, those strong-looking, callous yet so gentle hands, before lowering his gaze to the text.

"Storms (1981) has proposed that erotic orientation results from an interaction during early adolescence between sex-drive development and social development. According to this theory, an unusually early onset of the sex drive contributes to homosexuality, because the individual's environment at the time is primarily homosocial (meaning males socialize with males and females with females). Storms' theory proposes that sexual preferences in adulthood depend on the social environment that is present when the individual's sex drive comes into full force during adolescence. If the environment is primarily homosocial, the adult's sexual preference will tend to be homosexual; if heterosexual, the adult's sexual preference will tend to be heterosexual."

His breathing faltered for a second, and he had to stop reading. He closed his eyes slowly, trying to block a few dark memories from entering his mind. All of his sexual experiences until now, and especially when he was growing up, were homosexual. But they were not done by choice, they were forced upon him. And true, he did walk in a homosocial environment for most of his life, but did that really mean that he was a homosexual? Could that be a reason or an explanation for his feelings? Is that why he was looking at Duo the way he just did? Because he had been raped and forced to spend his life among other males? If that is the case, then his feelings for Duo were impure and unworthy as everything else in his life. They were born in a dark and shameful place, and thus they were not meant to be.

Saddened by the thought, Heero's heart began beating painfully. Maybe all he was feeling right now was just another psychological complex, another scar the war and training had carved upon him. He didn't want it to be true!

Dejected, he kept reading.

"Results from a major study on homosexuality indicates that a strong continuity between a person's childhood and adolescent sexual feelings and his or her adult sexual preference. Contrary to the popular notion that parents are somehow responsible for their children's homosexuality, the study reveals that parental influence was not a major factor in determining sexual preference. Sexual preference appears to depend on a complex pattern of feelings and reactions within the child that are not yet understood and cannot be traced to a single social or psychological cause."

Heero sighed, feeling confused. So basically what the book said was- that it doesn't matter. Why was he listening to this stupid book?! Who cares for the cause, it's the outcome that counts. And the outcome, in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, is two people that love each other. What's so wrong with that?

He looked up at the beautiful man sitting in front of him, washed by a warm light, looking more beautiful than any woman he had ever seen. Suddenly, he understood why Nora was smiling at him in that knowing way. It really didn't matter, did it? He saw no point in continuing to read this book. Textbooks will tell him nothing about how or why he feels. They might give him a certain direction, throw him a bone or something, but they didn't really know for sure. No one did. And it didn't matter. Why try to understand when you could feel?

Satisfied with his conclusion, Heero slammed the book shut. When Duo looked up in surprise, Heero smiled at him.

"I'll be right back." He promised, getting up. He took the book with him and headed towards one of the bookshelves.

Duo watched him until he disappeared between one of the aisles. His amused amethyst eyes were glued to Heero's jeans clad bottom the whole time, watching him as he walked. He shook his head at his own hopelessness and returned to the book. A minute later he slammed his own book shut and got up. He hurried to walk after Heero.

He found the Japanese boy in the aisle categorized under "Psychology". He was standing on a small and wobbly three-steps-ladder, trying to reach one of the books on the high shelves. Duo couldn't help but smile affectionately at the sight. Heero resembled a small child trying to reach the chocolate candy boxes at the top shelf in the supermarket. There were only five inches between his seeking hand and the book, but the short distance was enough to prevent him from reaching the book. He found the sight adorable when Heero carefully tried to stand on his tiptoes and reach higher. The ladder began swaying beneath Heero's feet, stirring worry in Duo's heart.

"Here, let me help ya out." He said, gaining Heero's attention. The other boy immediately gasped and whirled around. His cheeks colored in red and a sheepish smile graced his lips.

"Thanks." He said quietly and carefully stepped down.

"No problem." Duo assured him, brushing past him, shoulder to shoulder, as he walked to the ladder.

Heero watched him as he climbed up, and he had to smirk when he realized that Duo, who was indeed taller than him by a few inches, still had to stand on his tiptoes in order to reach the book. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched him, enjoying the sight of his long braid swinging back and forth as Duo wiggled on the ladder.

"Damn, it's higher than I thought." Duo muttered, and then jumped up a little in order to snatch the book. He caught it quickly between his fingers, just before his descend. The ladder shook and waddled wildly when Duo landed on it. Heero's eyes widened in concern.

"Duo- look out!" He called when the ladder finally tipped over. He wasted no time and launched towards Duo, trying to catch him.

They ended up crashing on the red carpet, Duo on top of Heero, pinning him down to the floor. Duo's legs were straddled over Heero's legs. He placed two arms at each of Heero's side, and pushed himself up a bit so he could look down at Heero's face. They were both panting and a bit disoriented. Their faces were an inch apart, both their lips parted as they breathed heavily. Duo could feel Heero's chest press against his, the boy's arms trapped somewhere under his torso. He swallowed, looking deeply into Heero's eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked, panting.

Heero nodded slowly, still in shock. He couldn't tear his eyes off Duo's lips, the way they were carved like some grand statue. Duo's hair was a bit tousled by their fall, long chestnut bangs hiding his face, moving up and down as Duo panted. Heero smiled warmly, his body filling with familiar warmth. He locked his gaze with Duo's, his cobalt eyes looking deeply into the amethyst pearls above him. He could feel Duo's hot breath caress his lips. His cheeks reddened in a rosy shade. He slowly licked his dry lips, tracing his tongue slowly over his bottom lip. Duo swallowed hard, his wide eyes watching Heero with great hesitation.

The tension was in the air again. It was thicker and heavier than before. Something in the air demanded that certain actions must be taken. Every sensation was enhanced by tenfold. The air sizzled and crackled like electricity. The sound of their heavy breathing overcame everything else. The feeling of their heartbeats, strong and wild, was nearly overwhelming.

Heero could tell that Duo was feeling the same tension he felt; he could feel it in Duo's whole body. He could also see the uncertainty in Duo's eyes. His fear reflected somewhere within the darker shades of his pupils. That dark OZ prison cell reflect inside the shadowy center of Duo's eyes. Duo remembered, and so did he. But unlike Duo, he wasn't going to let it stop him.

With a smile that spread gracefully on his lips, Heero pushed himself up and pressed his lips to Duo's. He swallowed the surprised gasp that escaped Duo's lips and sealed the sweet mouth with his own. His eyes were still open, looking straight into Duo's eyes. It was the closest he's ever been to the purple jewels, and only now he could appreciate them for their true beauty.

Duo's eyelashes slowly fluttered, until he closed his eyes. This was all the approval Heero needed, and he closed his eyes as well. The kiss deepened as Duo pressed closer to Heero, taking charge of the kiss. He leaned heavily onto Heero, his arms moving up to bury his fingers in Heero's thick hair. His tongue sneaked out to lick Heero's bottom lip. He nibbled at the lush lip for a moment before Heero opened his mouth and let him in. He dipped his tongue into the warm and moist mouth, his breath quickening in anticipation. Beneath him, Heero wiggled his hands from underneath Duo's body and brought them up. He embraced Duo tightly, letting him explore his mouth and lick every nook and cranny. His own tongue, shy and hesitant, joined the dance, and their kiss only intensified.

When they parted for air, they were both panting hard and blushing. Duo's cheeks were a bright red and so were Heero's. He smiled down at the blue-eyed boy, and leaned down to kiss his nose.

"How did you know I'd kiss you back?" He asked softly, looking at Heero with kind and loving eyes.

Heero smiled, his blue eyes shining. "I took a gamble." He said, before Duo dove down for another kiss. The two rolled over on the red carpet, kissing passionately. Drowning in the intensity of the kiss, Heero decided that there was only one reason for homosexuality, and that was love.

Part 4

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