Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Bleeding On the Inside ❯ Leather ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing except this story.

Warnings: Angst, rape, yaoi, and 3x4/1x2 content.

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LEATHER

Look I'm standing naked before you

don't you want more than my sex

I can scream as loud as your last one

but I can't claim innocence

oh god could it be the weather

oh god why am I here

if love isn't forever and it's not the weather

hand me my leather

I could just pretend that you love me

the night would lose all sense of fear

but why do I need you to love me

when you can't hold what I hold dear

I almost ran over an angel he had a nice big fat cigar

"in a sense" he said "you're alone here

so if you jump you best jump far"

Tori Amos

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Bleeding On the Inside - Chapter 6 - Leather

Heero closed the laptop with a frustrated sigh. He could find no way around the absurd law the prohibited Quatre to accuse his assailant without confronting him personally and he could find no additional proof that this Kyle Whittenstaff had ever been convicted of any crime, rape or otherwise. Besides, it was well past six o'clock and neither Quatre nor Duo had had anything to eat since this morning. He'd bring them a tray…

Heero wandered out to the kitchen, trying to find something suitable for Quatre. He'd doubted that the blond would be able to bring himself to eat anything solid. Some soup maybe…

As he fitted the can into the can opener, something in the blatant normality of the action caused him to pause, chest aching with guilt.

How dare anything be normal! How dare the earth continue to turn, when a tortured soul wasted away just up the stairs! How dare there be no effect on the rest of the world.

Heero looked out the window where the rain was coming down in sheets and nodded is head at the appropriateness. At least the heavens seemed to weep as well.

Then he berated himself for the stupidity of that thought. What did it matter if it rained? Did that somehow magically erase the past? And anyway, Wufei was out in the downpour that instant searching for Trowa.

Heero took the opened can and dumped the soup into a bowl, placing it in the microwave for a few minutes. He didn't want to waste time with the stove and didn't really trust himself around heating elements at that moment anyway.

'I hope Wufei finds Trowa soon,' Heero thought with more than a hint of worry. While he would do anything he could to comfort the blond empath who had always comforted him in the past, he knew that only Trowa could give him the kind of reassurance he needed.

Staring blankly at the empty soup can, Heero suddenly crushed it beneath his fingers, watching the sharp tin bite into his palm. He observed the bright red blood that flowed from the jagged cut and smiled at the slight pain. This was something he could understand. This was something he could explain, the tangy scent of his own blood and the familiar burning along the torn skin. His own pain he could deal with…he was trained to fix it, and if for some reason he couldn't, ignore it until it faded into the background. He could take risks with his life because he was expendable. He could let others break and abuse his body because he only used it for mission objectives anyway. Once his mission was over there would no longer be any need for Heero Yuy. So long as he stayed alive long enough to complete the mission, who cared whether his body or mind stayed intact or not?

Of course…that view had started to change once Duo had come into the picture.

Heero sighed and released the can, taking the first-aid kit down off the wall by the fridge and selecting a few gauze pads from the pile. Careful not to get blood all over the counter, Heero proceeded to bandage himself up, wrapping the white gauze around and around his palm, tighter and tighter and tighter.

Duo seemed to care whether or not Heero survived past the mission. He was the only one…'No. That's not true. The others care too…'

Yes. Trowa, Quatre, and even Wufei all seemed to have an interest in his survival. But with Duo it was more…desperate. It seemed to hurt Duo when Heero got hurt, like some kind of physical link between the two of them. And it pained Duo when Heero tried to self-destruct, mission or no mission. Duo had explained to Heero that that's what love was.

Fine. Heero would try not to act like his fate didn't matter as long as Duo insisted on loving him although he couldn't understand why. It wasn't like he had any redeeming qualities about him. A murderer, a terrorist, a psychopath…not the sort of thing one would look for in a life partner. But if Duo was happy then he wouldn't question it. Above all else, Heero wanted Duo to be happy. He supposed that that was love as well although he couldn't be sure. His training hadn't allowed for such luxuries as love.

The microwave beeped insistently and Heero took the steaming hot bowl of soup from the plate and placed it carefully on the tray. He then fixed some sandwiches for Duo, making certain to use lots of mustard and mayonnaise on each piece of bread. Duo loved mayonnaise…

On a whim, Heero took a tea cup from the cupboard and pour some hot water from the kettle which had been left on all afternoon for when Quatre got back from his walk. The water was still hot and Heero took a tea bag from the box and dunked it in, watching the water cloud from it's clear white to a rich brassy red.'Quatre likes tea. Maybe this will make him feel better…'

Heero cursed himself for his naïve hopes. Tea wasn't going to make Quatre feel better. Nothing he could do would make Quatre feel better. This was beyond his control and it rankled. Here was a member of his team suffering and he could do nothing to ease his pain, couldn't even kill the source of it. This was one instant where the Perfect Soldier would be of no use.

'Not-so-Perfect Soldier,' his mind taunted. 'Let's face it, you couldn't even protect your comrade when he needed it the most. Just what kind of a leader are you?'

"I never asked to be the leader," Heero said out loud, his flat monotone masking the emotion behind the words. "I never wanted to be looked up to."

'Well isn't that just too bad,' he mocked himself. 'We don't always get what we want.'

"Enough!" Heero shook his head. "I don't have time for this. Quatre is what's important now."

And with that statement, Heero took the tray and balanced it in his hands, walking with deliberate slowness up the stairs. When he got to Quatre's room he silently eased the door open with his foot and peeked in. What he saw startled him greatly.

Quatre lay on one side of the bed, his eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling above him, his hands clenched into the sheets in a white-knuckled grip. He seemed oblivious to the world around him, trapped in his own personal hell. Duo was beside him, his face towards Heero although his eyes were shut tight. Tears leaked out of the sides of his closed lids and the traveled slowly down his cheeks to pool on the pillow under his head. His hand rubbed Quatre's back in a calm, soothing gesture, betraying nothing of the turmoil evident on his face.

For a moment, Heero was at a loss. He had never seen the American cry, even when he had begged Heero not to self-destruct again. He knew that Duo would be embarrassed if he knew that Heero had caught him weeping and the last thing he wanted to do was cause Duo more discomfort.

'He'll tell me when he's ready,' Heero told himself firmly, pushing the door softly shut again and walking as ways back down the stairs. Counting to ten, he moved back up towards Quatre's room, making considerably more noise then he had before, letting Duo know he was coming. When he opened the door once more, the only evidence that Duo had been crying was the slight redness in his eyes. When he saw Heero with the tray he grinned widely and sat up.

"Look Quat-man! Heero brought us something to eat! Isn't that great? I'm starved!" Duo said, trying to get the small Arabian next to him to stop staring at the ceiling.

And it worked…for a bit. Quatre turned his head to observe the steaming bowl of soup and then resumed his study of the ceiling.

"You go ahead. I'm not hungry," he stated flatly.

Duo and Heero exchanged worried looks.

"C'mon Quatre," Duo wheedled as Heero put the tray down on the end table carefully. "You promised me you'd eat later and this is later. Don't let this opportunity to try Hee-chan's primo cooking go by! Trust me, it'll never happen again."

Quatre didn't respond to Duo's gentle prodding. Instead he turned his face to the wall, away from Duo and the tray.

"No."

Duo's shoulders slumped a little and he turned helplessly to Heero who shrugged in return. There was silence for a few moments while Duo thought of a way to get Quatre to eat.

"Ano…Heero…I'll suppose you'll have to eat this yourself. I'm not hungry either," Duo claimed, putting the sandwich he had grabbed back on the plate.

Heero blinked in confusion.

"But…you just said you were starving…"

"If Quatre isn't going to eat then I'm not going to eat either. You can dump the soup if you want. Or maybe Wufei would like it. But I'm not taking one bite unless Quatre takes one too," Duo exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly.

Heero frowned, looking at his lover's thin limbs and skinny frame. Duo couldn't afford to miss too many meals the way his system burned up calories. The braided pilot could usually pack away five or six meals a day without gaining an ounce. It wasn't like him to refuse food. He tried reasoning with him.

"Duo you haven't had anything to eat since this morning and that was only some toast. I know for a fact that you missed dinner last night because of a mission and that for the past couple of weeks your diet has consisted of chips and fast food burgers. You need to eat something nutritious or you'll get sick," Heero protested.

"Then I'll get sick," Duo retorted, laying back down on the bed next to Quatre.

Heero bit his lip in aggravation and was just about to demand that Duo eat something when he noticed Quatre's face. The blond may not have turned around but he was listening to every word they said and every so often his shoulder blades would quiver, like he was fighting back an impulse. Heero glanced at Duo's pleading face and suddenly understood what he was trying to do. Quatre would not eat for himself…but he might eat if it meant Duo's health.

"Mmm…" Duo commented under his breath, watching Quatre's face. "That sure smells good though…"

Quatre drew in a shaky breath.

One heartbeat…

Two…

"Fine!" he cried out, sitting up so abruptly he almost knocked the tray from the table. "Fine! You win! I'll eat, okay? Are you happy now? Are you satisfied?"

Duo looked at him in silent reproach; his indigo eyes a mirror of his own sadness. Quatre's face crumpled and he brought his hands up to his mouth to muffle the sobs that started to force their way out through his lips.

"I'm…s-sorry Duo I didn't m-mean to, really…"

"Shhh," Duo murmured, gathering the distraught boy into his arms and rocking back and forth slowly. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay, you'll see. I know it seems impossible now but one day all this will just fade into a bad memory and there'll be times when you'll be able to forget, if only for an instant."

"I wanna forget now!" Quatre sobbed, clutching Duo closer, burying his face in the smooth shoulder.

"I know," Duo whispered, pain evident on his face. "I know…"

Heero felt awkward, just standing there while his lover tried to comfort his hurt and confused friend.

'Do something,' his mind urged.

--Like what? There's not exactly something I can put a bullet through at the moment that will make it all better.--

'Idiot. Use your heart, not your head for once.'

--My heart?--

Heero thought for a moment, then he went over to the other side of the bed and climbed onto it cautiously, balancing his weight on his knees. After only a second's hesitation, he slipped his arms around Quatre and grasped Duo's shoulder's behind him, sandwiching Quatre in the middle.

Surprised at this impromptu embrace, Quatre could only sniffle as Heero gently pressed his forehead to Quatre's back.

"No matter what," he whispered, "We're all here for you Quatre if you need us."

His sobs calming to hiccups, Quatre offered a tremulous smile to Heero and his grip on Duo relaxed. Over Quatre's head, Duo sent Heero a warm smiled and Heero felt a jolt of happiness as he realized that, for once in his life, he had done the right thing.

'We'll get through this,' Heero resolved, 'because we have to.'

The embrace continued in silence until Duo squirmed free and turned his attention back to the tray of food abandoned on the end table.

"Now that that's settled," he crowed, handing the spoon to Quatre, "Let's eat!"

Quatre held the spoon tentatively in his hand, as if it were a wild animal that might bite, and looked at Duo who held a sandwich to his lips. Duo was just holding the sandwich, waiting until Quatre had eaten his first spoonful before he would allow himself to bite. Quatre turned to Heero who nodded encouragingly. He dipped the spoon in the soup and brought it to his lips, his hand trembling only slightly. Putting the spoon carefully in his mouth, Quatre swallowed the hot liquid, wincing as it traveled down his raw throat. Duo smiled and took a bite of his sandwich.

It wasn't much…but it was enough.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Wufei sped down the wet streets, taking no notice of the rain-slicked road gliding dangerously under the tread of his motorcycle. He only knew one thing. He had to find Barton and he had to find him now.

"Faster…faster…" Wufei whispered, his words torn from his mouth and lost in the shudder roar of the wind. Storm clouds gathered above him and every so often a brief illumination of lightning would flash across the sky, followed quickly by the distant rumble of thunder.

In the gloomy darkness, Wufei could just make out a damp figure running up the street. As he came closer he recognized a familiar form with a limp and wet shock of brown hair covering the right half of his face.'Barton…'

"Barton!" Wufei called out loud, squeezing the brakes and sliding the motorcycle to a stop just in front of the sodden boy.

"Wufei?" Trowa questioned, looking surprised and more than a little worried. "What are you doing here?"

Wufei kicked the stand down and leaped off the bike, coming to stand before Trowa.

"You must come back to the house now," he stated, grabbing Trowa's shirt in his haste. The banged boy looked even more worried.'Quatre…'

"Why?" he asked stubbornly, not wanting his premonition to be true.

'Please let him be okay. Please please please.'

Wufei hesitated, wondering if he should let Quatre be the one to tell him. But Quatre would hardly be in any shape to recount his abuse and besides, it would be faster if he just told Trowa now.

"Quatre was raped by a clerk at a clothing store today. He's not injured too badly physically but…"

Trowa's whole world froze in place. Wufei was still talking but his mind couldn't register what was being said. His head just kept on replaying those first few words…'Quatre was raped. Quatre was…raped, oh my God. This can't be real. This can't be…'

"Barton!" Wufei shook his arm sharply. "We have no time for this! You must return with me now!"

"I can't," Trowa said, his eyes wide and panicked.

Wufei stared back incredulously.

"What do you mean you can't?"

"I-I can't go back. I can't face him…"

"Why not?"

"I just can't!"

Wufei's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"You bastard," he hissed. "Quatre needs you now and you're just going to run away? You coward. I thought you loved him."

"I do!" Trowa wailed, his mouth twisting in sudden pain.

"Then go to him!" Wufei ordered, venom in his voice.

"I…I just can't! You don't understand…"

Wufei looked at Trowa with disgust and shook his head.

"You're right. I don't understand. I don't understand how you can claim to love someone and then just abandon them when they need you the most. You make me sick Barton."

"It's not like that," Trowa protested, rain flowing down the hollows of his cheeks like tears.

"Then tell me what it's like. Tell me that you'll come back with me now," Wufei said, bringing his other hand up to grasp Trowa's shoulder.

Trowa looked at him for a moment with dead green eyes. Then he twisted in Wufei's grasp.

"NO!" he shouted. "I CAN'T. Let GO OF ME!"

Getting one hand loose, Trowa swung his fist and caught Wufei hard on the cheek, causing him to release the unibanged pilot in shock and hurt.

Wufei staggered back, one hand pressed to his burning cheek. He looked at Trowa, mystified.

Trowa gasped when he saw what he had done, putting a hand out towards Wufei.

"Wufei! Oh God…I'm sorry, I…"

Drawing back reflexively, Wufei put a good distance between himself and Trowa. Seeing this, Trowa gave a helpless groan and fled off into the night, feet pounding on the wet pavement.

Watching him go, Wufei could only stare in bewildered hurt, only one thought running through his head.

'How the hell am I supposed to tell Quatre?'