Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Chemical ❯ Chemical ( One-Shot )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chemical

Pairings: Heero/Duo, possible mentions of Trowa/Quatre or others.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, lemon/lime (explicit M/M sexual encounters), possible OOCness, darkness, alternate universe, drug/alcohol use, etc...

The song used is 'Lover I Don't Have to Love' by Bright Eyes.

~lyrics~


~I picked you out
Of a crowd and talked to you
Said I liked your shoes
You said thanks can I follow you?
So it's up the stairs
And out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name you asked the time~


(Heero)

I saw you from across the street, through the bustle of the crowd. You were gorgeous and oh so perfect for my tastes. You looked like you were lost, standing there on the corner, not moving even though the light to cross had changed. People blurred around you as if you were invisible to them, mussing the long auburn hair as you stood deathly still, your eyes downcast. I didn't waste time, my feet carrying me purposefully towards you, not wanting to lose you. I slid through the crowd with ease, weaving between the elite business people with their leather bound briefcases and tourists with flashing cameras towards you who I knew just from your look that you were western, but you held no camera in your pale piano-fingered hands. Your zipped up, hooded sweater wrapped around your slim torso just so and your torn up jeans told a story of their own; I liked your style. I smiled knowingly, even though I refused to allow you to catch even a glimpse of it, not that you were even looking.

You didn't even notice me as I stepped up next to you, noticing that you were shorter than you looked upon first sight; you were shorter than me even. I contemplated the reasons you refused to acknowledge my presence right beside you; you ignored me. I grit my teeth, finally aware that I would have to make the move. I had hoped that I wouldn't have to be the one to do it, but you looked as though you had no intention of doing it for me.

“I like your shoes,” it was a stupid comment that I'd made up on the spur of the moment. I hadn't even looked at your shoes before I'd said it, but I looked at them then. They were scuffed and worn, some type of sneakers I thought. I smiled wryly in my own mind. You looked completely taken aback by my voice as you finally let your gaze drift over me after so many seconds that I'd already been standing there next to you. Your beautifully empty eyes slid and lingered over my body as sure as I thought your hands would if you had been touching me then. I licked dry lips and waited. Your eyes took their time meeting my own, mirroring your emptiness.

“Thanks. Where are you headed?” Your voice was even more sensual than I'd imagined it might be, holding a huskiness that spoke promiscuously of sex. Your gaze didn't leave mine as you asked your question confidently, not that you had anything at all to be self-conscious about. You hadn't asked my name or even mentioned something as irrelevant as the weather before you invited yourself to accompany me home. I was pleased, more than you would ever know.

You followed me to my indifferent apartment, hardly caring to speak to me at all along the way. I was surprised. You looked like the type to talk more, but you didn't even whisper under your breath, your feminine lips remaining closed. I stole glances of you out of the very corner of my eye. I couldn't help myself. You were just so right for me. We didn't touch as we walked, or even accidentally in the stairwell of the dull building. It was as if you might have been ignoring me again, but I assumed I knew better. You must've just been pleased to be with me, so much so that you needn't speak at all. Or at least that's what I tried to tell myself.

You sat on the sofa like it had been made for no other reason than to receive your body. We were out of the eyes of the prying public outside, but you still didn't speak, at least not of your own accord. I poured burgundy-tinted wine into mismatched glasses, hardly classy; they weren't even the type meant for the romantic beverage. You didn't comment on them and I didn't offer an explanation. What use would I have for the classiness of proper crystal wine glasses? I wasn't trying to impress anyone. Your eyes met mine for a fleeting moment as I handed you one of the half-full drinks. You merely nodded your thanks. I sat across from you, sinking into the too-plush chair that had come with the sofa. Silence reigned.

“Whats your name?” I couldn't believe I'd broken the tranquility first. It seemed I was doing that a lot that day. You nearly jerked when I opened my mouth, shocking you out of your thoughts rudely, but I didn't care. I hadn't brought you here to sit in dead quiet. You looked over at me, a strange glint in your eyes.

“What's the time?” You asked in place of the real answer to my earlier question as you slipped a few stray strands of your luxurious hair behind your right ear which was pierced three times, I noticed. Was the other identical? I was nearly startled, but I hid it well. You looked briefly amused. I tilted my head and glanced at my watch, assuming belatedly that you were not planning to give me your name. The left corner of my mouth twitched in an almost smile.

“It's just passed ten. Is there somewhere you need to be?” I asked, testing the waters. Would you back out now that we had made it so far? You shook your head slightly before you looked back at me to answer. I wasn't sure what I thought you were about to say.

“I have to go for now,” I was overwhelmed with disappointment before you'd even finished what you were saying. Your head tilted just slightly in confusion before you continued, “Do you know the club called 'Zero'?” You asked, your voice soft and alluring. I wanted you then, but I shoved my desire to the back of my mind, struggling to comprehend what you had said.

“Yeah, I know it.” I replied sheepishly after I had sat for nearly five full minutes trying to figure out what you had asked me without asking you to repeat yourself. A smile graced your lips; I thought I might die.

“Meet me there in an hour.” You said and you were already standing, heading right for the door. I wanted to ask you for some kind of proof that you'd actually show up to the club, but you were already gone.


~Now it's two o'clock,
the club is closed we're up the block
Your hands on me
I'm pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck~


When I arrived at the club, you were right there, waiting. You'd changed your clothes just a little. You weren't wearing that navy blue zip up anymore, instead, a forest green t-shirt encased your chest, molding itself to your every dip and curve. You didn't waste time pulling me into the smoky, dim-lit club; the music was playing so loud that we'd've had to scream if we'd wanted to talk. Thankfully, we didn't. You very nearly dragged me out onto the dance floor and we didn't leave it for the whole night, flagging down servers to get us drinks when we needed them.

All I thought about when we were out there on the floor, the lights flashing, winking around us and the static bray of music and conversations filling in the silences in our words, was that my hands were on you. We were finally touching. You rear pressed up against my crotch, rubbing, grinding, teasing. I had bitten my lips to keep from moaning, not that you would have been able to hear it even if I had let it escape me. I had my palms on your flat stomach and your thigh. They were sweating, but you didn't seem to mind, if you had even noticed at all. It was so hot between the sweltering wall of bodies, everyone writhing and convulsing to the sensual beat of the bass.

Your hands covered mine, your fingertips thrust in between my own. And the look on your face was pure bliss. You looked like you were in the throes of passion, unhindered and erotic. I had the desperate urge to shove my tongue down your throat just to get a taste of you. I resisted, at least for that moment. You wouldn't be spared later.

I had taken to calling you 'Sei' since you wouldn't give me a real name. I thought it was fitting, since you seemed to exude its meaning. I spent half the night hard for you. Then last call blared over the loudspeaker and the club bouncers escorted all of us out into the cooler air of the street. The buzz in my head made it hard to think, sex and alcohol muddling my thoughts. Your hand on my arm forced me to look at you. Your pupils were enormous in the low light. I smiled.

We stumbled together up the block back towards your place; you'd said it wasn't too far. It wasn't, but it took us forever it seemed to reach it. Your hands were on me once more, threading through my hair, burning against my scalp as you yanked me against you. I pressed up roughly against your jeans, the denim creating delicious friction on my cloth-covered erection and you were just as hard for me, pleased to grind back in retaliation and self-gratification. My own hands held your hips within a bruising grip; you only moaned obligingly. Your tongue pressed against the opening of my lips, the taste of cinnamon flooding my senses and successfully blocking any words I'd been trying to speak to you.

The street changed to your apartment before I even realized what had happened. I'd been drowning in your kiss. You didn't care to know who else I'd been with or if I was even clean. You just wanted me inside you. You didn't ask questions, just grabbed my hand with those delicate seeming fingers and lead me to your bed. You didn't push condoms at me like so many before you had. You just let your clothes drop and knelt in front of me on the mattress, your hair pooling over one shoulder onto the sheets below. You gazed at me expectantly. I felt frozen for a moment, but only a brief one before I had stripped my own clothing off, letting it fall in a heap with your own. You were waiting so patiently and I hated to make you.

I moved onto the bed too after just another half a second. I flipped you onto your back. I wanted to see your eyes, but I didn't tell you so. You didn't talk, just moaned as I lapped at your neck, then your nipples, swirling my tongue over them expertly. You didn't ask about my experience and I didn't offer the info. You knew you weren't the first I'd had, just as I knew that I was not your's. Your lips were wet with saliva as I kissed you once more, crushing them beneath my own. You just held me closer.

I watched as your own fingers disappeared within you. You weren't embarrassed as you pleasured yourself, prepping at the same instant, your open eyes portraying lust and sadness. I swallowed hungrily. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. You breathed heavily, panting heatedly as you thrust three of your digits inside. I could hardly take it. I roughly slathered the minty-smelling lube onto my hard shaft. I sat back on my heels, waiting with bated breath for you to deem yourself ready. Your eyes were dark, almost violet with desire and you pulled your fingers out finally. The lube tingled on my flesh, but I hardly noticed as I spread your milky smooth thighs wide. You opened like a practiced whore and I wondered for an abstract moment how many others you had spread your legs for. The momentary lapse in thought passed. I thrust forward.

Your body was a perfect arch as I entered you, your fingers curling into the flesh of my shoulders as you moaned out loudly. A sheen of almost invisible sweat beaded upon your ivory skin and I licked at it, savoring the taste you left in my mouth. I panted, bending you in half and plunging into you brutally over and over. You called out for more. Harder, faster, deeper. I was only too pleased to accommodate you. I changed angles just the tiniest bit and you quite possibly screamed as the tip of my cock brushed against that spot deep within. I wasn't sure later, my attention had been elsewhere at the time. I myself, moaned, looming over you, my nose in your hair, the scent of strawberries flowing into my nostrils as I thrust repeatedly.

Your legs pressed to the small of my back insistently as we moved together. You called me 'baby' more than once and I wondered if you would have called me by name if you'd known it at the time. I doubted you would have. I called you 'Sei' and wrapped a tight fist around your heavy, weeping arousal. You cried out, your eyes tightly shut. You came, your seed pooling on your own stomach and splashing onto mine as I shoved into you feverishly. I came, lining your inner walls with my scalding essence. You fell back against the pillows and disheveled sheets and I fell forward against you. We were spent.

I rolled away from you and you smiled at me satedly. I was too tired to return it, but I think you knew that already. I let you lay your head on my chest as you fell asleep, your melancholy cobalt eyes closing for the remainder of the night. I wasn't far behind, my own eyelids pressing down upon my cheeks. We slept.


~Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet me here but I'm not sure
I got the money if you got the time
You said it feels good I said I'll give it a try
Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits~


(Duo)

We still hadn't traded introductions, 'Blue-eyes' and I that is. He kept calling me 'Sei' and I liked it. I didn't want to be me to him. I wanted to be 'Sei'. Don't get me wrong, we hardly knew each other, but our relationship was perfect. I didn't love him and I didn't need to and he certainly didn't love me, just the way we wanted it. Names really didn't matter at all, so to him I could be his 'Sei' and he could be my 'Blue-eyes'. It was a win-win situation. Weeks had already passed in a blur.

My band was trudging along, playing gigs in clubs I'd never heard of prior and I sang like I always had. My mood never changed; I stayed just as depressed as I'd always been, laughing when it was necessary, but staying quiet when it wasn't. I think 'Blue-eyes' understood. He didn't ask me for laughs, just for pleasure. He'd seen a few of our gigs, but hadn't commented on the music, just watched in quiet ambivalence. I didn't mind, not really.

We slept together, his apartment or mine, it didn't matter as long as we did whenever we needed it. When I showed up on his doorstep, he let me in with no questions asked and vice versa. It was a give and take compromise and we agreed wholeheartedly on the situation. We didn't talk, not about anything that was relevant anyway. We just filled each other's voids.

It was after another wasted gig that he grabbed my wrist forcefully and pulled me into a back alley, offering me another reprieve. He held the the pills up in the dimness of the street lamp, multicolored with miniature 'x's printed on them. They looked like M & Ms to me. I nearly giggled, but nodded instead. I knew what he was proposing.

“It will feel good, I swear it.” His voice was barely more than a breath and I shivered. He already knew what my answer would be, I knew he would.

“I'll give it a shot.” I replied, my own tone soft so as not to attract unwanted attention. He smiled at me. I smiled back, surprised that that one was actually genuine. He raised my hand, palm up and reached into the clear Ziploc, pulling out one of the pills and placing it in my open palm. I snatched it up and swallowed it quickly. He watched me before doing the same with his own.

It couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes when my mind blanked, going dark. I could feel my mouth smiling and I realized I'd closed my eyes without meaning to do so. He was there still when I opened them once more, his pupils dilated with the drug coursing through his blood. I grinned at him.

“Where'd I park my car?” He asked, squinting out into the still full parking lot. I shrugged. Like I had a clue. I could hardly remember what his car even looked like, let alone where the hell he'd parked the damn thing. He laughed and shrugged as well. I laughed too and we decided to take the train. I would meet up with my band in the morning; they wouldn't worry, they never did after all. It was probably best that we didn't drive anyway. I don't think we would have lived through the night if we had.

We ended up at Blue-eyes' apartment again and fucked right against the apartment door. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other long enough to make it to the bed until the third time he was inside me. I would be sore in the morning, but it hadn't mattered. It was the 'X' anyway. I didn't mind the ache in the morning.


~Some sad singers
They just play tragic
And the phone's ringing
And the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching
Let's just keep keep singing
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk~

Weeks turned into months and Blue-eyes and I kept up our ruse of a relationship. I woke up one morning to the ringing of the phone. Fuck it, it was probably my councilor. I didn't want to talk to her. She wanted me to share my 'feelings' with her and I wanted to slit my wrists every time we spoke. Blue-eyes stirred from next to me, turning to face me, his eyes meeting mine instinctively and I couldn't stop myself. I pressed up close to him, letting our nude bodies rub, heating up quickly in the late morning light. The phone kept ringing and somewhere in the distance a car horn sounded. We didn't pay it any mind, wrapped up in each other.

I didn't know when I'd become so attached to Blue-eyes, but it must have happened when I wasn't paying attention. I didn't even realize that it had occurred until he didn't come around for about a month. I was starting to get worried, like maybe he didn't want me anymore. What the fuck was that shit? I'd never gave a rat's ass before, but now was different. Fucking love, that's what this tripe was leaning towards. Fucking love.


~Where's the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you but you
You write such pretty words
But life's no story book
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
"Do you like to hurt?"
"I do! I do!"
"Then hurt me."~


(Heero)

I'd been searching for the dealer who'd set me up with the 'X' before, but he wasn't in any of the usual places. “Fuck!” I cursed angrily. I needed something to take my mind off this shit. My father had been calling again, leaving sick fucking messages on my machine about how he missed his little boy. I thought I might vomit. I needed to forget this demented shit, something to numb my mind for just a while. Scratch that, I needed someone. And I knew exactly who. Sei had become my new addiction. I hadn't seen him in almost a month though. I wondered idly if he even remembered me. I didn't think I was so easy to forget, but who the fuck knows these kinds of things.

After all, I didn't even know Sei. All I knew was that our eyes matched, mirror images of the same sordid past. I wanted to look into those eyes again. They made me feel not quite so alone when I drowned in them. If only I truly could have, drowned in them I mean. I think he'd have let me die in them if it was possible. I actually thought that he might want to die in mine too.

I didn't even know what the fuck that meant; dying in each other's eyes? I shook my head and made my way across town to his apartment building. It wasn't so different from mine, nearly identical, in fact. I even let myself in. He'd never minded in the past. I went into his room and laid out on the bed right next to the scattered papers. Lyrics scribbled on the crumpled and ripped sheets. Such pretty, painted words he'd written.

I don't know what expression he made when he found me like that, curled up in his music. I'd never even told him how much I liked the sound of it, the lyrics in his voice. I didn't think he'd want to know. I sighed as he threw the papers to the floor, not giving a shit where the hell they landed. I found that I was smiling as he did. He was on top of me almost immediately. I was only too glad to have my hands on him again. His body and mine fit so well. Hadn't I said so once before, that he was so right for me? We didn't waste our breath on words, stripping away the layers of clothes we'd been hiding beneath and fucking until we couldn't move anymore.

When we finally laid back in his crimson colored sheets and our eyes decided to meet. I saw my own battered heart within the depths and I had to kiss him just once more. I didn't even thrust my tongue into his mouth this time, just pressed my lips to his still-swollen ones. His eyes were closed when we broke apart again, the need for air becoming prominent.

“Duo,” His voice was no more than a faded whisper. I looked at him confusedly for just the briefest instant before I realized what he'd actually said. His name was Duo. I knew what this meant.

“Heero,” I breathed back, the lines in his irises moving slightly as I held his gaze. This was what I'd never wanted. This was love. Love meant pain, but at that moment, I couldn't have cared less. Love meant getting hurt, but at that moment, my body and my tainted heart were screaming desperately, frantically, “please, let him hurt me...”


~”Then hurt me...”~

*Owari *



Hope you liked it. I know I loved writing it. As always, reviews are much appreciated.

By the way, in case you were wondering, 'Sei' literally means sex in Japanese.