Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Crappy Poem Theater ❯ Reviewer's Corner is Born! ( Chapter 3 )

Crappy Poem Theater

A weak imitation of Masterpiece theater theme being played on a kazoo is heard in the background. Vid-cam zooms in on a small library-type room and a comfy red easy chair where Cherry Blossom is currently sitting, smoking a pipe and reading a book.

Cherry Blossom: Hiyee minna! Welcome back to our *counts on fingers* THIRD episode of Crappy Poem Theater. Yay!

Matteo: You know, those things are bad for your health.

Cherry Blossom: What? The pipe? It's filled with bubble solution. *blows bubbles at Matteo* See?

Matteo: I was talking about the poems.

Cherry Blossom: Oh…

Wufei: Why are we back here again, onna? I thought the budget ran out for this program.

Cherry Blossom: *turns red* Shhhh!! *smiles at camera* Well, we've gotten so much support from reviewers that I just HAD to spendmycollegemoney to keep on airing the show. Plus I found some more bad poems.

G-Boyz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Cherry Blossom: Look on the bright side. They CAN'T be any worse then the last one.

Trowa: Wouldn't bet on it.

Wufei: I want to know what kisama reviewed this stupid show.

Cherry Blossom: Good question. I have now opened an additional part to my show. It's called Reviewer's Corner. Where we find out just who reviewed last weeks show-

Heero: And where they live so I can kill them.

Cherry Blossom: *rolls her eyes* Right. Anyway, if you want to skip Reviewer's Corner because you DIDN'T REVIEW LAST TIME *eyes go zero-y*…

Duo: Or maybe cause you're really, really impatient to get to the crappy poem part.

Trowa: Don't be silly. Who'd want to do that?

Cherry Blossom: Then you can use the scroll bar to your right. That's what it's for. Now on to Reviewer's Corner. *crash of lightning and thunder* Matteo!

Matteo: Sorry.

Reviewer's Corner

Vid-cam zooms in on Cherry Blossom sitting at a desk with Matteo with a whole lot 'o letters spread around them. The G-Boyz are sitting beside the desk in comfy leather chairs stolen from Grand and To….uh….someplace.

Cherry Blossom: Hey minna! Let's read some of these reviews.

Heero: All these people shall die!

Cherry Blossom: Yeah, whatever. Matteo will read them out loud.

Matteo: *clears throat* Meg Uchuno writes,

Hey! I love these poem things you do! They rule!

Wufei: *grumbles* Matter of opinion…

Cherry Blossom: *smiles modestly* Thank you.

Matteo: I also pity the g-boys for having to sit though your insanity! (insert evil laugh here) I have an idea for your series. how 'bout " Crappy Song Theater" ? Make the g-boys sit though crappy songs.

Quatre: *big kawaii eyes* She can't be serious!

Wufei: INJUSTICE! How can this onna suggest that we sit through unbearable crappy songs? It is bad enough that we must listen to these idiotic poems.

Matteo: I think it would be funny. so...

Blossom-san, how 'bout it? I suggest a really crappy song like something from some idiot pop group. just a suggestion. i really like your stories! Keep writing!

Cherry Blossom: Unfortunately, the budget will not allow us to produce another show at this time.

Trowa: Thank God.

Duo: Welcome.

Trowa: Not you.

Duo: *pouts*

Cherry Blossom: However because your suggestion was sooooooo good……I'm going to get Duo here to sing some crappy songs while we read the rest of the mail. 'Kay?

G-Boyz (sans Duo): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Cherry Blossom: Here you go. *hands Duo a microphone*

Duo: ALRIGHT! What should my first song be? Um…I know! *annoying latin beat fills the air* Talk to me/Tell me your name/You blow me off like it's all the same

Wufei: INNNNNJUUUUUUUUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCEEE!!!!

Duo: You lit a fuse and now I'm ticking away/Like a bomb/Yeah, Baby

Cherry Blossom: *smiles* Next letter.

Matteo: *trying to cover his ears* Nanashi No More wrote,

My god, that's the worst poem in history. WHO WROTE THAT???? Poor G-Boys... Oh well, lol, really funny!

Trowa: I believe the child molester wrote the last one.

Cherry Blossom: That's Theophile not pedophile.

Wufei: Same difference.

Duo: Talk to me/Tell me your sign/You're switching sides like a Gemini/You're playing games and now you're hittin' my heart/Like a drum/Yeah, Baby

Quatre: Riiight.

Matteo: Animefanficgrl writes,

That's so cute! Not a very good poem though... ^_^

Quarte: If it was a good poem then it wouldn't be called Crappy Poem Theater, would it?

Wufei: If it was a good poem I wouldn't have to kill each and every one of you.

Heero: Noooooooo! That's MY job!

Cherry Blossom: Shut up. Next letter please.

Duo: Well if Lady Luck gets on my side/We're gonna rock this town alive/I'll let her rough me up/Till she knocks me out/She walks like she talks,/And she talks like she walks

Matteo: Umm…. Shinigami no Kamikaze writes,

I can see this poet on a street corner "Poverty! Left, right! Drip, drop... From empty booze bottles the alcohol drips drops... Plop, flop... To the coins that into the cup flop.... I can dare, I can dare! To rob that bank right over there!" ... well, maybe I didn't catch his style.... maybe that was pathetic parody attempt (no.. it -definately- was)... but ya know what I mean. Heeheehee... I havta run out and see the first one now.

Wufei: Thank you for that impromptu torture.

Trowa: Nice sarcasm, Wufei!

Wufei: *politely* Thank you.

Trowa: *sweatdrops*

Duo: And she bangs, she bangs/Oh baby/When she moves, she moves/I go crazy/'Cause she looks like a flower but she stings like a bee/Like every girl in history

Matteo: Shinimegami Winner writes,

Mwaaahahahahaaahahah! I guess I'll die a slow and painful death... (wait...how can the goddess of death die... haha! try that Heero!)

Heero: *reaches for gun. Discovers it's not in his spandex space* Wha-

Cherry Blossom: I took it away. You were threatening to hurt the nice reviewers.

Matteo: Anyway, this fic's hilarious!!! Can't wait till next week! I'm studying crappy poetry too, so maybe I'll contribute to making the Gboys lives a living hell! Ciao!

Wufei: *stare blankly* I hate her.

Quatre: No you don't. My space heart knows.

Wufei: *twitches*

Duo: She bangs, she bangs/I'm wasted by the way she moves/No one ever looked so fine/She reminds me that a woman only got one thing on her mind

Cherry Blossom: WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT WAS THAT LAST LINE?

Duo: Umm…..She reminds me that a woman only got one thing on her mind?

Wufei: First intelligent lyric in this crappy song.

Cherry Blossom: *eyes go zero-y* That's it! I'm discontinuing this song because it is sexist! Duo, find something else to sing!

Duo: Umm…okay! *hockey country music fills the air* Don't tell my heart,/my achy breaky heart,/I just don't think he'll understand.

G-Boyz: *scream*

Cherry Blossom: That's better. Next letter.

Matteo: Emi-chan writes,

Very Cute. Plus if Trowa Girl (aka C-chan) aproves. I must aprove too ^_^ Good job.

Cherry Blossom: Yes C-chan is a very important person in the fanfic world. We all must bow to her approval.

Heero: Nice sarcasm.

Cherry Blossom: I was being serious…

Duo: But if you tell my heart,/ my achy breaky heart,/he might blow up and kill this man.

Matteo: Silvermyst writes,

funny! write more soon! luv ya lots, silvermyst ^_^

Cherry Blossom: This soon enough for ya?

Wufei: YES!

Duo: *does the dance* You can tell your Ma,/ I moved to Arkansas,/you can tell your dog/to bite my leg./Or tell your brother Cliff, /whose fist can tell my lips,/he never really liked me anyway.

Matteo: Ashley writes,

YOU ROCK CHERRY!

Cherry Blossom: *blushes* Thank you.

Matteo: Hey tell Wu-man HE HAS A FIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEE ASS ANDD SALLY AINT GOOD ENUFF FOR HEEM AND HES MINE ALL MINE! PLEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSE!

Quatre: Looks like you've got a fan Wufei!

Wufei: *blushes* Onna.

Heero: My ass is cuter.

Everybody: *sweatdrop*

Heero: Well it is.

Cherry Blossom: Nu uh. Zechs has got the cutest ass.

Trowa: then why don't you have him here?

Cherry Blossom: And make him suffer through this torture? You must be joking!

Trowa: *sigh*

Matteo: Cold Dragon writes,

LOL. Must find poetry to send in...must make sure there is another chapter...at least a few more. Oh I know, I can raid my ex-roommate from hell poetry collection, that should keep you really busy. :)

Heero: Omeo o korosu!

Trowa: Hey, Heero isn't that someone you were supposed to have killed already?

Heero: *mutters something unintelligible*

Cherry Blossom: I hid his gun. Remember?

Matteo: Sabacat writes,

Ya know, the people who wrotes these poems must have been on some bad drugs! but i love your 'theater'! ^_^

Quatre: There's another one you were supposed to have killed.

Heero: Shut up, Quatre.

Quatre: *zero look* That wasn't nice…

Matteo: Uh… Cleckmoon writes,

Ahyayahhhhh!!! Thats my new way to scream. Nobody understands it, and it's fun. Great MST, CB! hehe.. Chibi CB... Ooh, fic idea... I'm gonna abuse the copyright laws again. Dance little slave, dance! Tehehehe! AHYAYAHHHHH!!

Wufei: This onna is nuts.

Heero: But she likes me. So I won't kill her.

Trowa: What kind of logic is that?

Matteo: Cherry Blossom writes-

Cherry Blossom: Wait that's me.

Quatre: Why'd you review your own fic?

Cherry Blossom: I just wanted to point out that my formatting got screwed up….AGAIN!

Trowa: Why?

Cherry Blossom: I've got the word processor from HELL that's why. Let's move on.

Matteo: Me2 writes

Rofl!

Heero: That was…….short.

Cherry Blossom: But informative. Next!

Matteo: Evil Anime Chick writes,

Poor poor g-boys....well not really wahahahahaha!! Heh heh heh my english teacher has soooo many poem books. I'm bound to find one crappy poem...

Quatre: *shudders* She really IS evil.

Matteo: Corazon del Fuego writes,

Hmm . . . *weighs the prospect of watching the g-boys suffer against Heero's promise of a slow death* mwahahahahahahahaha.... ^_~

Duo: Hey Heero, wasn't that a person that you said you ki-

Heero: Don't say it.

Matteo: Lucky Yuy and Chetiche Barton write,

Ya know,being killed by Heero might not be so bad so thats why I'm reviewing!Yes It's almighty Lucky and I say LET THERE BE LIGHT,I mean CRAPPY POEMS!MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Heero: *eyes get zero-y* NOT SO BAD?! NOT SO BAD!!!

Duo: Whoa, relax old buddy. They didn't mean it.

Heero: OMEO O KOROSU!

Matteo: kelly writes,

Yay! LOL! Very funny! Make sure to write more!

Quatre: It's not funny. It's SCARY.

Trowa: I'll protect you, little one.

Duo: *gag*

Matteo: Jadet writes,

Buwahahahahhahaha!!!! I'm sorry Heero-chan but that was hilarious!!!! PLEASE bring out another episode, this was awesome!!!! Great job Cherry, keep it up!! ::ROFLM:: Buwahahahahaha!!!! Jya!!!! ^.~

Heero: Don't call me Heero-chan.

Cherry Blossom: Lighten up, will ya Heero?

Matteo: Elentari writes,

Sorry Hee-Chan!!!I've had WAY too much sugar! Write more, write more! *grins at Heero* Just try it Mr. Perfect Soldier! Just try it.

Heero: Oh I will. I will…

Everybody: *inches away from Heero*

Matteo: Valwen Isilme writes,

*dares Heero to get her :P * I like this, weird poems and Gundam Pilots reactions, Keep it up ^^

Heero: So many people to kill, so little time.

Cherry Blossom: I hid your gun.

Heero: I can find others. Besides, I have a big @ss GUNDAM that I can use to kill people.

Cherry Blossom: Oh yeah…

Matteo: Kiyone writes,

*tears streaming down her cheeks* that...was...sooo....FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! and my name's in it! HURRAY!!!! You BETTER do more!!! *lunges for a tissue, but falls on the floor laughing instead* HAHAHA!!

Cherry Blossom: Guess what Kiyone? Your name's in it AGAIN!

Trowa: I think she can tell.

Cherry Blossom: *sticks tongue out at Trowa*

Matteo: Hawk writes,

Please continue! I love warching Wu-man get tortured by these!!! These are very very funny!

Wufei: YOU DARE CALL ME WU-MAN?!

Duo: Whoa, chill out Wu-man.

Wufei: KISAMA!

Matteo: teague writes,

Better than the last one!!! More! Perhaps a longer poem to torture our friends with???

Duo: Longer? Are you out of your mind?!

Heero: Yes.

Matteo: Desperate Angel writes,

Bananas? No, that Cherry Blossom *coughs* Erm...sorry. That was really funny. It reminds me alot of what I used to do in my horrible Lit classes.*shudders* So glad that I'm finished with them. Anyway, keep up the good work and I can't wait for the next installment!

Cherry Blossom: My English teacher is the devil.

G-Boyz: WE KNOW!

Matteo: And lastly, Umi Sakura writes,

*Just smile and nod* The creeped out writer tells herself. *Just listen to Trowa* (I loved it. It was even funnier than the last one. You must do more!* - Umi Sakura a.k.a. Mi-Chan ^_^

Trowa: You should always listen to me. I know everything.

Everyone sans Trowa: *sweatdrop*

Cherry Blossom: Well that's all from Reviewer's Corner. If you left a review and didn't see your name here it was probably because YOU DIDN'T REVIEW FAST ENOUGH! THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO LEAVE THINGS TO THE LAST MINUTE! HA!

Heero: I'm killing all of you.

Duo: Empty threats, Heero. Empty threats.

Crappy Poem Theater (for real this time)

Scene changes to a darkened theater where five familiar figures are seated.

Wufei: I really wish I wasn't here.

Heero: Hn…

Duo: Just as long as I get popcorn, I'm happy.

Cherry Blossom: *pops in out of thin air* Hey guys! We've wasted a lot of time with the Reviews so lets get straight to the poems.

G-Boyz: *groan*

Matteo: Aren't you forgetting something?

Cherry Blossom: Like what?

Matteo: The disclaimer…

Cherry Blossom: Oh yeah. This time it's perfect. Put it up.

Disclaimer: I own Jack. See? *holds up guy named Jack* I also own Zip and Zero…

Cherry Blossom: *sigh* Why me?

Heero: *sulks* I own Zero.

Cherry Blossom: Let's move it along. Today I have a bunch of short poems.

Quatre: Yeah! They're short.

Cherry Blossom: They may be short but that doesn't mean that they're any less crappy.

Trowa: Damn.

Cherry Blossom: Let's get started. You're on, Matteo.

Matteo: *clears throat*

Go Away Death

Duo: Hey!

By: Alfred Austin

Trowa: Hey wasn't that the first guy we studied?

Wufei: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Go away, Death!

Duo: I'll say it again; Hey!

You have come too soon.

Quatre: But Duo's never early.

Duo: HEY!

Trowa: Hay is for horses.

Cherry Blossom: That was pathetic, Trowa.

Trowa: *sobs* I know.

Quatre: It's okay, Trowa.

To sunshine and song I but just awaken,

And the dew on my heart is undried and unshaken,

Wufei: No comment.

Come back again at noon.Duo: Okay. *writes something in a little black notebook entitled "People to Kill"*

Heero: I have one of those. Only mine's blue.

Cherry Blossom: *sweatdrops* Next poem, please.

Matteo: Alright.

A Pretty Girl

Cherry Blossom: It's a poem about me. How nice.

G-Boyz: *snicker*

Cherry Blossom: Hey! *pouts*

By: J. Gordon Coogler

Duo: Coogler. What a silly name.

Heero: Look who's talking.

Duo: *cute incoherent stuttering noises*

On her beautiful face there are smiles of grace

That linger in beauty serene,

Duo: What are you talking about, Cherry? This isn't so bad.

Cherry Blossom: Wait for it…

And there are no pimples encircling her dimples,

As ever, as yet, I have seen.

Everybody: *blink* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wufei: I hope his girl dumped him.

Heero: I hope his girl shot him.

Cherry Blossom: *weakly* Next…

Matteo: Right.

The Round of the Clock

Trowa: What a fascinating subject.

Cherry Blossom: Trowa! Was that sarcasm I heard?

Trowa: …..

By: Frederick B. Needham

Cherry Blossom: These are all men. So I think it's safe to say that only men can write truly crappy poems.

G-Boyz: HEY!

Wufei: KISAMA!

Cherry Blossom: What?

"One!" strikes the clock in the belfry tower,

Which but sixty minutes ago

Sounded twelve for the midnight hour.Everyone: *stare*

Quatre: That was it?

Cherry Blossom: Yep.

Heero: That was stupid.

Cherry Blossom: Yep. Next!

Matteo:

The Grand Rapids Cricket Club

Duo: What's cricket?

Trowa: It's a bug.

Quatre: No, no. It's a game. Kinda like baseball.

Heero: How do you know that?

Quatre: *blush* I used to play…

Everyone: O__0

Quatre: *sobs* I didn't wanna! Rashid made me! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!

Trowa: It's alright little one.

Cherry Blossom: Whatever.

By Julia A. Moore

Duo: Well that just blows your "Crappy Man Poet Theory" right out of the water, doesn't it?

Cherry Blossom: Shaddup.

When Mr. Dennis does well play,

His courage is full great,

Heero: How much courage does it take to play cricket?

Quatre: You'd be surprised…

And accidents to him occur,

But not as much though, of late

Duo: Wow. Deep.

Wufei: This is stupid.

Heero: You're telling ME.

Cherry Blossom: One more ought to do it.

Matteo:

On Visiting Westminster Abbey

Heero: You should feel right at home, Duo.

Duo: What are you talking about? I'm not a priest.

Cherry Blossom: then why are you wearing that priest outfit?

Duo: It's a fashion statement.

Cherry Blossom: Riiight.

Duo: Like the braid:

Cherry Blossom: Riiight.

By: Amanda Mckittrick Ros

Wufei: HA! Another onna writer!

Cherry Blossom: Shut up.

Holy Moses! Have a look!

Duo: Oh my Shinigami! Look at that! It's a crappy poet!

Quatre: Where?

Trowa: *sigh*

Flesh decayed in every nook!

Quatre: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

Heero: *smiles* This is my kind of poem.

Some rare bits of brain lie here

Quatre and Cherry Blossom: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Mortal loads of beef and beer

Duo: Wha?

Trowa: Smile and nod.

Some of whom are turned to dust,

Everyone bids lost to lust

Cherry Blossom: *stares blankly* Am I the only one who didn't get that?

G-Boyz: NO!

Famous some were-yet they died;

Poets-Statesmen-Rouges beside

Heero: Why couldn't THIS poet have died?

Duo: Rouges beside what?

Trowa: Just smile and nod…

King-Queens, all of them do rot

Wufei: Kill me now.

Heero: Okay-

Cherry Blossom: No gun.

Heero: Smeg.

What about them? Now-they're not!

Duo: Huh?

Trowa: Don't worry. We didn't get it either.

Quatre: Please tell me that's the end.

Cherry Blossom: Well…..okay. I think that's enough for one night.

G-Boyz: *sigh in relief*

Cherry Blossom: So until next week-

Wufei: KIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Heero: You are NOT making us do that again!

Cherry Blossom: But guuuuuuuuys…..the fans…..

Heero: I don't care. Get some other anime characters to pick on. I'm not doing this again.

Cherry Blossom: Just calm down. I don't even know if I have any more crappy poems.

Heero: You just better not.

Cherry Blossom: We'll just have to hope that some readers send some in…

Wufei: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cherry Blossom: *grin* Send your crappy poetry to chibicherryb@hotmail.com.

Heero: Omeo o korosu!

Cherry Blossom: That's getting kind of old, Heero.

Heero: *sulks*

Cherry Blossom: Jaa!! ^__^